Grid Effect

Few notes before we get to the links. First off, we’re not going to be posting twice today like we suggested yesterday. For whatever reason, it alluded us that this is 4th of July weekend and we have a myriad of friends and family in town. So, consider this our last post until the sixth.

Secondly, we finished watching Breaking Bad’s strike shortened first season last night and holy shit, what an unbelievable series thus far. We’ve expressed our adulation for it earlier this week, but Bryan Cranston has somehow improved in the role and is deserving of any accolades that come his way. This is just my opinion but he trumps Jon Hamm for alpha-male of AMC. I’ve always lauded Hamm’s performance, but never really thought he was doing anything we haven’t seen before. I can’t say the same for Cranston, whose demonstrating as much range as any actor on television. I’ve even come around on Aaron Paul, who we weren’t too fond of in the first three episodes but has come into his own, and the rapport between him and Cranston is approaching that of Wendell Pierce and Dominic West on The Wire.

You can tell the series was adversly effected by the writer’s strike, as things we’re going at a snail’s pace for the first four episodes and just accelerated in the last two. We managed to go from Walter opting out of chemo and the drug game, to selling pounds of meth and accepting treatment. There haven’t been any significant leaps of faith except for maybe Pinkman’s enlightenment into the finer points of cooking, but that is a minor squabble. After just seven episodes, we’re ready to put this one on the mantle with Mad Men. The writing, the pacing, the stories and side characters and subtle humor and poignant dramatic moments all are executed impeccably.

It’s a damn shame we’ve been recapping Weeds instead of this, but we’ve come to realize we have a difficult time watching two different drama series’ back-to-back and this followed The Wire episodes, “Not For Attribution”. Naturally, it’s AMC’s fault for premiering their groundbreaking new series while the best drama of all time that regularly attracted less than one million viewers was in its final season. As long as someone else is being blamed for this travesty that isn’t me, that’s how I role.

Onto the links.

We've posted this before, but it warrants the extra attention.

Kristen Bell says she doubts that a Veronica Mars film will ever be made. I don’t really care. I’m not even sure I know what a Veronica Mars is. It could be a candy bar for all I know, but it presents the very appealing option of posting this picture off to the left, and that’s an opportunity we simply couldn’t pass up. Not to say she isn’t a good actress or that we should count Veronica Mars against her, but let’s be honest, no one is going to complain about that picture, either.

In other impossibly attractive women news, for all who like Sloane on Entourage: she’s going to be featured a lot more than she has been the past couple seasons. This is a great development for the eye candy quotient, as it’s been waning in the past couple years. But the show has been accused a number of times for rehashing the same material over and over and over again (a charge I can’t really refute, but I think it’s cyclical like just about everything else on television). Eh, this upcoming season is the one that could really tip the scales on our perennial waffling with this series, we might have to quit apologizing for it.

It’s official, Neil Patrick Harris is the host of the 2009 Emmys. Is it customary for a potential nominee to double as a host for an awards show? I hate to respond to a question with a question, but I believe the correct answer is, “who cares?” I’m fine with the choice even though I’m not completely on board with his cult following. They could have and certainly have done a lot worse.

And finally, upon the news that Al Franken has finally won the senate seat in Minnesota, the question arises of who is going to play him on SNL? Have we had a good impression on SNL since Darrell Hammond left (question: Has Darrell Hammond left SNL?). That show isn’t exactly stacked with Mike Miejers’ and Phil Hartman’s these days. In that respect I guess it really doesn’t matter. I’m sure it will be hilarious when someone comes onto stage and begins screaming insanely as their Franken impression.

Alright, that’s it for the week. Have a festive and enjoyable fourth, we’ll be back on Monday with a Hung recap and we’ll finally get to those nightly previews.

I either tore or strained both quadriceps playing fucking softball, I’m still working on billing and I got about three hours of sleep last night. Not to be too self-indulgent, but I don’t see this post exceeding 300 words. I’m throwing a stamp on this thing and mailing this in.

Given how they left the finale, we knew that Friday Night Lights was going to be forced to reinvent itself, should it be fortunate enough to come back for a fourth season. Well, they were, and as it turns out, nothing is going to look or feel familiar. If you’ve ever read any of my recaps then you know that I despise yet understand the series’ continuity issues with characters that were recognized as seniors in the first season still attending high school in the third (the worst of which being Lyla sleeping with a LA business man when she was 15 or so), so for what it’s worth, we’re fine with these changes, as they’re overdue.

Thanks for the bouts with depression, Piper.

Piper Perabo — best known for her role in the only movie I ever walked out on and initiating the eventual breakup with my then girlfriend — is getting her own series on USA. Is this failing upward? Probably not in Hollywood but at least she has a steady paycheck. I’m certain she was absolutely low-balled for the movie referenced above, that of which I dare not speak its name.

Ricky Gervais decided to go out on a limb and state that American television was superior to British television. But he says their version of Entourage is comparatively “poor”, something I just refuse to believe. Still, his claims have merit. Our entertainment industry dwarfs there’s, like if you took two football players from each country and had them stand next to each other,  but I’m certain some of his die-hard fans back home are none too pleased. The hooliganism is going to be treacherous, I’m sure.

And finally, Neil Patrick Harris is in talks to host the Emmys. I’ve never really “gotten” NPH, outside of the cameo in the Harold and Kumar movie that served as a springboard to his resurgence, I don’t really think I’ve ever been too enamored with him. Of course, I don’t watch How I Met Your Mother, so this is probably my problem more so than anyone else’s. Despite my trepidation about him, Harris beats the shit out of an army of reality TV hosts, which is what I believe they did last year. They might as well have just ditched the hosts and had the teleprompter facing the audience.

Hey, 446 words, we’re calling this a day. Back tomorrow with something.

Just a few words before we get into the links. It is long overdue but we started watching the first season of Breaking Bad this past weekend, and I have to tell you, it’s every bit as good as advertised, if not better. Just like Hung and Weeds, Breaking Bad is about a middle (or in Nancy’s case, upper-middle) class parent forced into circumventing the state and breaking what some might call overly-litigious laws.

In the case of Walter White (played by Bryan Cranston), his background in chemistry and recent terminal cancer diagnosis have led him to the point that the only way he can make enough money to provide for his family for after he’s gone, is to produce and distribute crystal meth. He’s probably correct, but after the first few episodes I’ve seen (3), he definitely regrets the decision.

I don’t want to get into a dissertation about this show, but from what we’ve seen of this, Hung and Weeds, Breaking Bad is the best amongst them. It combines dark comedy and drama even better than Hung and manages to produce more laughs per minute than Weeds, which is the most comedy-centric of the three, or at least it strives to be. In short, we highly recommend renting or netflix-ing or purchasing the first season and DVR’ing the second when AMC replays it, if it suits you like it suits me.

Onto some links…

Since it is now fashionable to mock Entourage ever since that College Humor video (or really since the series premiered five years ago), here’s yet another comedy troop taking some pot shots at the HBO series. I don’t have any audio so I can’t really watch it, but I’m sure it’s hilarious. It’s so subversive to ridicule a series that no one seems to like.

AMC has put together three new promos for season three. And when they say “promos for season three” they actually mean “montages of seasons one and two”. I would say this was disappointing, but I still watched and enjoyed them. All of them except for the romance promo, which couldn’t have tried to turn the series into a tabloid headline any more than it did.

For all those who might care — and I know there’s a lot of you — Lost has added a new episode for their final season, bringing the grand total to eighteen. See, this is why I don’t think that series is structured nearly as tightly as all the fans and producers lead me to believe. I mean, I could just watch an episode on occasion and deduct that much, but when you’re actively adding new episodes before production of the final season, you can’t really claim David Simon levels of planning.

If I get drunk I might end up recording an episode...

Drea De Matteo, whom you may remember as Adriana La Cerva on The Sopranos, is joining the cast of Desperate Housewives. At least now fans have one justification for watching that show, assuming they’re attracted to women, that is. Otherwise I have no explanation for you. You’re making a trash prime time soap opera into a series that some manage to regard as not only commercially but also critically successful. So yeah, feel free to stop watching anytime now.

We suggested as much in our review of the pilot and last week in a links post, but it’s now official, between True Blood and Hung, HBO is experiencing a long overdue resurgence. By my estimation, these are the first two new series’ they’ve created since 2004 that has garnered any commercial appeal (sex and vampires will do that), but when you have names like Alexander Payne, Alan Ball, Dmitry Limpkin and Jane Adams attached to them you’re going to be on the receiving end of some critical praise as well. It’s not The Wire, Sopranos, Deadwood and Curb in its prime, but it’s enough to rival AMC as best original programming (and will surpass it come this fall).

FX has released their premiere dates, and the one we’re preoccupied with, obviously, is It’s Always Sunny, which is returning on September 17th. That’s three days short of a full ten months on hiatus after the fourth season finale, so we can either expect to see the best season yet (because it’s been carefully crafted) or the worst season yet (because they are running thin on ideas and had to settle on this final product). I can’t wait to have comedic sociopaths back on my television, it makes the week seem so much more tolerable.

In other FX news, Denis Leary is resisting the urge to create a Rescue Me movie. Upon hearing this my first reaction was, who the fuck wants to see that? My second reaction was, cling to that urge, Denis. I will say this, however, last nights episode was a drastic improvement over the week before.

I don’t buy this shit for a minute, but it is rumored that Simon Cowell could earn up to $144 million for next year’s American Idol season. Because you can’t just get anyone to criticize a bunch high school wannabes, you have to get one of those people who do the “I Love The ___” shows on VH1. Or you can pay Cowell nine figures. I can see the logic. I mean, I guess he brings in viewers, but I’m still stunned as to how. Just have Triumph come in and the guy will probably do it for about a 100th of that, and people will still watch, and whatever money you might lose from advertisers would be gained in not paying some blowhard $143 million more than he’s worth.

See, these are the types of things about Rescue Me that drive their fan bases crazy. On top of everything being predictable, it’s all rehashed material instead of new material developed from past dalliances. Someone dates a butch woman, Tommy struggles with alcoholism and is in denial/unapologetic about it, Tommy sleeps with Janet and Sheila, they get mad about it and Kenny hops back and forth between acting enlightened and acting like an idiot.

At least they poked fun at it with Kenny out-loudly realizing that he was going to lose his bet with Tommy, so they aren’t completely lacking in self-awareness. At the same time, however, they open the episode with Sean in a coma, and since it was so predictable that something would go wrong, they didn’t even bother offering a explanation. I’m certainly not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure that going into a coma after a surgical procedure to remove cancerous cells isn’t standard operating procedure, regardless of its commonality. “He’s in a coma, just shut the fuck up with your ‘reasons’ and deal with it“.

Also, how many times do we have to see the construct of Tommy reluctantly kneeling beside hospital bed to either appease his conscious or someone else? Has there been a pattern of any sort? Does anyone keep track of the seemingly random and meaningless happenings that exist within this show?It’s just another example of the lack of creativity this show will sometime exhibit.

What, no harmonious speech at the end from Tommy Gavin?

There were a few funny moments (Mike pretending to cry too gain sympathy from the nurse, he even had us fooled was pretty much the only one), but I feel like I’ve seen enough awkward encounters around a Gavin dinner table (that means any table that has Gavins at it) with no punchlines to suffice for a series, much less a season. There pretty much wasn’t anywhere for the scene with the Gavin’s and black Shawn to go, so they just let everyone make goofy faces and hide their contempt from Janet and their daughter who was back from boarding school (can’t remember her name. Katie, maybe?).

Anyhow, this episode is far too emblematic of the series. A bunch of broken/predictable/redundant plots that either go nowhere or end predictably. I don’t want to get into great detail because obviously I didn’t like the episode and to be perfectly candid, I feel like I’ve forgotten most of it. We will say that while we were impressed with Steve Pasquale’s musical number, but that isn’t what this show has ever been about, and giving us a look into white Shawn’s subconscious feels like a really forced attempt at giving him a chance to show off his theater experience.

And I had such high hopes for the season after the first six or seven episodes. It isn’t a complete lost cause, but with every episode that passes we feel like it’s delving into the worst aspects of seasons three and four (and we liked a good chunk of “Mickey“). Hopefully we’re wrong about the last nine weeks of this show.

Links tomorrow.

Eh, this isn’t the direction I want to see this series taken in, because it relies so heavily on everything we hated about last season. There were some new plot points: everyone finally met Esteban and it was highly underwhelming, Silas and Doug’s bumbling attempt to open up a medical marijuana facility and Andy discovering a hidden account of Judah’s, but that’s not exactly a positive development.

There's no way they're pulling this shit off.

I like the concept of it, but the notion of Andy talking to a bank-teller that just happened to lose her virginity to Judah is beyond absurd. When you take under consideration that she wants to reenact her romance with Andy role-playing as his dead brother, then you have an Entourage plot. Actually, this makes Entourage look like The Wire in comparison. Sure, there’s the issue of Andy now being in love with his brother’s widow and all the weirdness from that being reflected in this, but if they tried to make Jamie-Lynn Sigler look so desperate that if Turtle pretended to be her ex-boyfriend she’d willing to sleep with Turtle and assist him in stealing from a bank, there’d be pandemonium on the internets for TV geeks. It would be decried by the majority of fans for this show as “misogynistic” and/or “classless”, When really it’s just lazy.

Andy’s new romantic interest was a small fraction of last night’s episode. It revolved mostly around Nancy and her capacity for evil. At this point, and really ever since mid-point last season, I don’t care about Nancy’s moral crisis. She knew who she was involving herself with, should have acknowledged what how much she’s corrupted herself and everyone else around her with these casual interactions. As usual, she takes the easy way out and calls her boyfriend so she can pretend to be amoral, as opposed to flat out immoral. “Eh, one of these guys is going to have to die, I’ll call my mob boss boyfriend to kill the DEA agent so I can pretend the onus is on him and that I didn’t do any dirty work.” Man, listening to that shit was difficult to stomach. 

Speaking of which, this new turn of events implies more screen time for Esteban with Nancy. That was probably the dullest aspect of last season. I don’t recall an interesting exchange that didn’t feel forced or misguided or overly-sympathetic and understanding for the lead character and her boyfriend. I mean, at leas they’re not attempting too enamor us with Esteban, at least not monolithically. Right now they’re painting Nancy as not having any other options, overlooking the fact that she made this bed for herself.

And lastly, everyone hates Celia, hooray! Don’t get me wrong, I hate Celia too, but I want to see something else happen with the character that doesn’t involve every other character being indifferent to her life/well-being. What’s the point of even having the character if  she exists solely so we and her peers wish she didn’t? Is this Weeds’ version of Rickety-Cricket from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia? Honestly, go back to making her adversarial so at least we’re getting something out of it.

In other words, this was a bad change of pace for the show. We’re chalking it up to the prolonged dream sequence from this season of Rescue Me, as that seems to mark the turning point for where that series nosedived (the difference being we enjoyed that episode more than we hated it). We’re holding out hope for Weeds to rebound, as there is still a lot to like about what’s taking place (same for Rescue Me), but unless Silas, Shane, Doug or Andy are on camera, our interest is non-existent if Nancy’s with Esteban or Celia’s with anyone. I guess my plea would be for them to refocus the series on the distribution of marijuana and all the trials and tribulations that come with that, as opposed to the high crime that’s being explored ever so casually right now.

Expect a very brief Rescue Me recap later.

For a series that could have probably gotten by being nothing more than a run of double-entendres and dick jokes, if the pilot episode is anything to go by, Hung strives to be much more than the low-brow comedy that most show-runners would fall back on. We wouldn’t expect anything less from HBO, but it would probably be much more viable commercially if they had gone that route (a blue collar Entourage, is probably the best way to describe it).

Tom Jane plays Ray Drucker, a man that is, in all manners of speaking, kind of down on his luck. He teaches history and coach’s a terrible high school basketball team, his wife left him for a rich acquaintance of their’s from high school that they never liked, and his son and daughter resent him because his house caught on fire and he’s sleeping outside in a tent, as a result of your average teenager being a heartless goon, he now has to earn their approval as well.

These, combined with many confirmations that you are well-endowed, are apparently the necessary steps to becoming a male escort. If you watched last night, the entire series is basically a PSA for why no one, especially no guy, should ever go into teaching. It might sound appealing coming out of college, what with summer’s off and a steady income. But with so little upward mobility, there’s a good chance you have the same earning power at 45 as you do at 25, and that results in a broken marriage and turning tricks.

Or, as the opening monologue would suggest, it could be a parable about the death of the American dream. Either way, Ray’s life is in a rut, and after attending a “How to get rich” seminar and running into a former one night stand (Tanya, it’s unclear if he slept with this woman while he was married), her hurled insult as he leaves her house and the advice to use your “one great tool” to realize your financial aspirations, Ray decides to put his unusually large member to work.

It's not exactly the Bunny Ranch, but it'll do.

Things do not come so naturally for Ray, as you might imagine, as his first client rejects him after looking through her peephole and slipping him $50 under the door for leaving a basketball game he was supposed to be coaching. After an efficient stalking job by Tanya, he enlists her help to improve his marketing, which is some comically embarrassing ad in a newspaper for “Big Donnie”. In short, she becomes his pimp. The business aspect is left there, and we close with Tommy giving the $50 from his failed attempt at whoring to his kid to buy a concert ticket (something his step-dad already covered).

In short, there is a lot to like about Hung, the least of which being Anne Heche (who seems to be almost universally despised in her role), the best of which is Tom Jane, who absolutely owns every scene he is in. Right now the dialog feels rather stifled, and that may be a part of the character introduction, but at the moment the only person who speaks with any authority or says anything that catches us off-guard is Ray, and we can’t tell if it’s because Jane is playing the part so effectively or if everyone else seems to be trotting out tired superlatives every time they open their mouths, but he carried the pilot episode. Yes, we’ve come a long way since Ghost Rider.

Like we suggested before, the series looks to be multi-faceted and thought-provoking. There is plenty of humor in it, but it’s derived from the perspective of a downtrodden middle-aged man whose all but given up hope that his life is ever going to improve. And the tragedy, even though it’s delivered in a lighthearted manner, is palpable. It’s the perfect blend of the two genres without feeling forced or overwrought or misplaced.

There are also plenty of small caveats to this show to like. For starters, setting it in Detroit, which is ground-zero for the current/pending collapse of the American economy. He shuffles about from depressing casino hotels to his lakeside house to the dilapidated school that employs him. It feels very rust-belt and the city, much like Ray, gives off the feel of desperation.

Anyhow, if you couldn’t tell, we enjoyed the pilot. This is definitely going into the weekly rotation as we continue to look for new series’ to recap. The best news, though, is that HBO is officially hitting stride again and is ready to reclaim the title of best original programming back from AMC (piss off, Showtime fans). Much like Ray Drucker, the former pro-baseball hopeful and Central Florida scholarship recipient, HBO is trying to garner the same respect they once commanded. The process has just been a little slow in the making since The Sopranos and The Wire went off the air. But our protagonist and the once great cable network are now using their worldly gifts (which happens to be Ray’s cock, in both instances), to their advantage.

Kind of a somber week in television with the passing of Farah Fawcett, Ed McMahon and Michael Jackson. If you’re wondering what either of them have to do with television you’re probably under the age of 25. To which I respond” Google it, you unworldly fuck. But instead of going into some lengthy retrospective that I am bound to say something wildly inappropriate in, I’ll just offer my condolences and move along with some links.

Weeds has a new female Mexican character that is going to intervene in Esteban and Nancy’s tryst. Sounds great, I feel like that show can do no wrong at the moment. Also, if this new character isn’t at least loosely based on Griselda Blanco, I’m going to be extremely disappointed.

Wow, what an actress.

Johnny Depp and Megan Fox were both on Letterman last night. As per usual around here, I’ll show a picture of the latter and talk about the former, because I didn’t know it was possible to come off as humble when talking about an island in the Bahamas and a boat that could cross the Atlantic, both of which you own, but he did just that. Fox came across as comfortable in her own skin but, and you’re not going to believe this, she was remarkably self-absorbed. Surprising, isn’t it?

Janet Hubert, better known as Aunt Vivyan from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, has upped the gutter language in her counter-strike against Will Smith, whom she alleges professionally abused her in the early 90’s and “hid behind NBC’s panties”. Obviously this is an attempt to sully his good name and expose him for the scoundrel he clearly is. And maybe she’s being honest, I don’t know. But what I do know is, all of this shit happened well over a decade ago (too lazy to actually look up her last appearance on the show), and she’s probably in some financial trouble (who isn’t? Oh, that’s right, Will Smith). You can probably do the math on this one, and it’s the same reason anyone would be skeptical.

By his own admission, Letterman is afraid to tell a Sarah Palin joke. This wasn’t supposed to be political but since it so clearly is, I like the selectiveness of everyone’s political correctness. Republicans get mad if you crack jokes about evangelicals and democrats get made if you crack jokes about minorities and women. Then both sides somehow manage to complain about political correctness run amok when they’re called out for their (sometimes legitimate, sometimes not) bigotry. I guess me assessment would be: It’s the circle of life, Simba. We need these distractions and for no one to ever call attention to the rampant, sweeping idiocy of it all.

CBS announced their fall premiere dates, so if you can’t wait for some sensationalized crime drama, now you know how long before you can watch new episodes that follow the identical format of the last 800 you’ve watched.

NBC has also announced their fall premiere dates, and while their programming is considerably more diverse than CBS’, it pulls in about a third of the ratings (completely rough estimate). I don’t know why this is, but I do know that everyone I surround myself with watches NBC far more than they watch CBS, so from this pointless little anecdotal nugget, I conclude — once again — that Nielsen’s are utter bullshit.

To say True Blood is growing in popularity is like saying Michael Jackson is has a loyal fan base. They’ve already moved 1,000,000 DVD’s of the first season, and selling that many of the first season means significantly increased viewership of the second, and that forces everyone to buy/rent those DVD’s or purchase HBO. I can’t believe we’re going to look back on this and say that True Blood was the show that pulled HBO out from the gutter, because I just don’t get it.

Because we can’t go by without at least throwing something, someone’s way, here’s a great article about how Michael Jackson basically made MTV a brand. Not what it is today, someone well after Jackson’s prime turned MTV what it is. To honor his memory they did show a marathon of his videos, but they quickly jumped back into their non-stop barrage of reality programming. Way to know your audience, MTV. No, I’m serious, way to know your audience.

And finally, the NY Times wrote an entire article about HBO is hoping their new series Hung, about a down on his luck school teacher who starts turning female tricks for money, becomes a hit. They could probably write the same article for every show that has or will premiere at any point in the future, so I’m not sure what the point is. I will say this, however, that based on the strength of this review, I’d fully expect a recap from us on Monday.

That’s it until Monday, I imagine. Back with recaps and potentially nightly previews next week.

This is going to follow the same format as last year, regular updates and will probably stop at the end of the first round (four and a half hours is a long time to type about people talking). Also, since Blake Griffin is the surefire first overall pick, we might sit out the first few minutes. No guarantees. In case you’re wondering, we’re half-assed Cavs fans because we live in Ohio, and we root for the Thunder since everyone so adamantly resents Oklahoma City having a basketball team, so we’re particularly interested in what those two teams do. Other teams of interest, just from a strategical standpoint: Miami, Utah, Portland, New Orleans & Denver.

We’ll be back around 7:30 or so to kick this thing off.

7:40- And it’s now official, Blake Griffin is the first pick of the 2009 draft. I read this article from Simmons over the past two days at work, and my only advice to Griffin is to tread lightly. I’d call Simmons the minister of propaganda for the Clippers’ rival, but someone has to give a shit about you enough to have a rival.

7:42- Why does ESPN always let the most obnoxious personality do the play-by-play (so to speak) of these drafts? Stuart Scott for the NBA, Chris Berman for the NFL? They could at least trot out Gilbert Godfried so I could laugh every now and then.

7:43- Mark Jones wants to know how Blake Griffin feels about being drafted first overall. I guess no one asked him what it felt like a month ago.

7:44- I think I just figured out why I always thought Blake Griffin was native American.

7:47- For whatever reason Memphis is allowed to take five minutes more than the allotted time for the second pick. But with it they select Hasheem Thabeet, the much maligned stiff from UConn. That was kind of harsh, I actually wanted Oklahoma City to take Thabeet, as they desperately need a defensive presence down low and already have a lot of offensive firepower. He’s the right pick on the right team, but unfortunately For Hasheem, Memphis isn’t the right place for anyone.

7:50- I’m probably the only person this side of the Mississippi, or really the only person outside of Oklahoma, who gives a shit what the Thunder do, but I want to see them just overdraft Curry here. In a draft this thin (I actually think there is a lot of respectable talent throughout the first round), with the third overall pick you can’t worry about value and just take the guy you know can deliver. No one in this draft does anything better than Curry shoots, and having that range to spread the floor for Durant and Westbrook is more valuable than anything else available.

7:58- David Stern’s manages to uncrack his voice for the third pick, as he announces OK City is taking James Harden. I’m not going to lie, I didn’t watch much ASU basketball, but the one game I saw from him, I was fairly unimpressed. He’s improving my impression of him drastically by sporting that bowtie, though…God, these transitions are driving me nuts. They have the feel that they’re segueing to commercial and they end up taking us to some nonsensical interview with the most recently selected player.

8:00- Sacramento drafts Tyreke Evans in their ongoing efforts to court David Stern into letting them move to Vegas. In a related story, I’m willing to bet it was the Maloof brothers who put the hit out on Tim Donaghy.

8:02- Minnesota is next on the clock, and I have to imagine this is the least desire destination for prospective and current NBA players. Mike Miller and Randy Foye could be seen doing back flips after being traded for this pick (and some deadweight that Washington was dying to get rid of). I’m predicting Ricky Rubio and Stephen Curry are the two picks the T-Wolves take with 5 and 6.

8:04- 1 for 1. I’m sure the 18 year-old from Spain is going to love playing in Minnesota. Nice draft room for Minnesota, though I might just be saying that since Memphis’ was so shoddy. That thing looked like the autograph signing from The Wrestler.

8:07- I guess I should comment on the pick, and while I’m not a big fan on the potential of Rubio, but for how many first round picks they have (4), and for how dire the franchise is, I think you have to take the flash and the potential. Solid, value pick, which is hard to do with fifth overall this year.

8:08- Rubio referred to himself in the third person. Already. I’m going to go ahead and blame it on the language barrier.

8:10- Minnesota selects Johnny Flynn. Kind of an odd pick since they, you know, just drafted a point guard with the pick right before this one. I don’t understand this. At all. Heaven forbid Minnesota make two logical picks in the same draft. I’m looking forward to them drafting Len Bias with their third 1st round pick.

8:13- And it dawns on me: they’re going to trade Rubio. If not tonight, then some point before the season starts. It’s the only logic I decipher from this.

8:15- Minnesota just drafted two players in a row who refer to themselves in the third person and who coincidentally play the same position. That has to be a first.

8:16- Nice trade for Atlanta. I have to imagine Jamal Crawford can play on a winning team at some point in his career.

8:17- Golden State, the one team that doesn’t need Stephen Curry, drafts Stephen Curry. Much to the dismay of bizarrely entitled Knicks fans. I guess it would be futile to point out that they haven’t been in the playoffs in eight years or so.

8:21- Curry, who went to Davidson, couldn’t sound more articulate. Also hear he’s a decent bloke. My sister’s fiance coach’s tennis there, so it’s almost certainly true.

8:23- And now for the biggest over-reaction of the night, the Knicks are about to make their selection. And they will almost certainly be disappointed because it hasn’t dawned on them that there aren’t two Stephen Curry’s.

8:24- Jordan Hill, who some considered one of the more pro ready players in the draft, gets booed to the hilts in MSG. He seems to take it in good humor, and he should. This beats the snot out of Marco Gallianari. At least Hill will average more than five minutes a game. In fact I bet he’s starting halfway through the season.

8:25- I always want to hear one of these players say something insightful, and Hill was on the right track, but he didn’t say, “if you play well they support you, the fans just want to get there money’s worth”.

8:27- God I love Jeff Van Gundy’s analysis, he’s got a sizeable scrotum for such a little fella.

8:30- The Raptors, who I forgot were in the NBA this past season, draft DeMarcus Rozen after his freshman year at USC. I guess he felt Tim Floyd wasn’t getting him the money he deserved (rimshot). But seriously, fuck USC. Have fun shoveling your driveway with your snow shovel you paid 95% sales tax for.

8:33- The other forgotten about team in the NBA, the Milwaukee Bucks, take Brandon Jennings with the tenth overall pick. I can respect this as at least he might attract a few headlines, not to mention he has a fade and supposed lightening quick speed. This team has had so many high draft picks over the years, why aren’t they ever in contention? Oh, that’s right. Because they select people like Andrew Bogut first overall. I think I see a correlation between them and Toronto being so obscure, as Toronto took Andrea Bargnani first overall a  few years ago.

8:35- I really like the pick by the Bucks. In a weak draft in an awkward position, and you already have a surplus of utlity players, why not spring for the difference maker?

8:37- It just dawned on me that we’re only a third of the way done. What was my incentive to do this?

8:38- The Nets take Terrence Williams with the 11th overall pick. Opinions are all over the place with this guy, and to me he just seems like a generic wingman. That is, he puts together a nice highlight reel but if you watched any Cardinal basketball, you probably wouldn’t notice him. I’m skeptical but they need a replacement for Vince Carter.

8:41- Williams shows off the value of a Louisville education with his post-draft interview and calls out Jay Bilas for playing at Duke. That’s true, he did go to Duke. I have no rebuttal.

8:46- Charlotte is on the clock, and they draft Gerald Henderson because they know they’re not going to compete (though I have them making the playoffs in 2010), and just want to stockpile as many former in-state alums as possible (usually they’re from UNC, because UNC has been the only school to regularly produce pro prospects). They’re like my friend from Cincinnati who you can always count on to draft every Bengal three rounds too early in our fantasy football draft. Except the Bobcats are actually supposed to at least put on the facade of being a professional sports franchise.Whatever, they should just feel glad that the Bobcats opened up shop in Charlotte and not, say, Bismark, North Dakota.

8:49- Henderson can’t help but demonstrate his innate Duke-ness by being the first player to reference his golf game after being drafted.

8:50- The question is, who will have Tyler Hansbrough now? He’ll have to wait until the Bobcats next pick, if I had to guess.

8:51- Well, fuck you too, Indiana Pacers. A team already starting two white Americans just adds a milestone with a third in Hansbrough(assuming he starts, and he probably will). Huge oversight on my part.

8:54- Jeff Van Gundy seems to be the only person willing to address the eccentricites of the crowd, like chanting overrated for a player whose done nothing but take shit for being even considered a pro-prospect for the past year or so.

8:56- Phoenix amazingly doesn’t trade the pick away for cash, like they’ve done for the last four years (outside of the Lopez brother they drafted last season).

8:58- Another Cardinal is taken in Earl Clark to round out the lottery, and since he isn’t there, David Stern takes this as a good time introduce Brandon Jennings four picks after he’s drafted. Nice job, Phoenix. Way to generate publicity for Milwaukee, they don’t get it often enough.

9:03- The Pistons fancy themselves a little pacific northwest flavor and take Austin Daye out of Gonzaga. He has a badass name, but I’m not sure it fits with the NBA. It’s more of a baseball name. He probably needs to put on some weight if he wants to make the transition from three to four, but it’s the best you’re going to do at 15th overall (except maybe Jeff Teague).

9:05- Stuart Scott brilliantly mentions that Austin Day is one of four first round selections out of Gonzaga, but convenientally doesn’t mention that the last one was Adam Morrison. He did win a ring, I suppose. He gets credit for that. I’m pretty sure cheerleaders get a ring too, so he more than earned it.

9:08- Chicago, the team that has great backups starting at every position except point guard, takes someone from Wake Forest that isn’t Jeff Teague. This is like if the Clippers had drafted Taylor instead of Blake Griffin. Don’t they have enough over-sized big men who can’t score? Has an organization ever been so lucky to draft a player as Chicago was to land Derrick Rose after passing on Kobe Bryant and Kevin Garnett because they wouldn’t trade Luol Deng. This team just wants their fans to hate them.

9:11-Speaking of which, Steve Kerr is explaining his employer’s motivations, and in spite of not being able to say “we’re dumping as much money as possible”, he does a nice song and dance.

9:14- The Sixers take Jrue Holiday with the seventeenth overall. I don’t really know what to say about it other than I like the decision to go back to the retro logo.

9:18- Minnesota is next on the clock, and they opt to take another player under 6′2. I don’t give a shit what Jon Hollinger has to say, because they have something in the works.

9:21- See.

Sorry, had a phone call from someone I hadn’t talked to in awhile.

9:23- Atlanta takes Jeff Teague, a great value pick for a team that has over-drafted everyone on their team except Horford and Josh Smith.

9:26- Utah. who desperately needs a backup point guard and will need be in dire need of a perimeter scorer when Ronnie Brewer leaves, drafts a top 10 guy on the Grid Effect draft board. It’s a lot better than the Kosta Koufos pick last season.

9:31- The Hornets draft Darren Collison, the one Bruin to play on all three final four teams they’ve put together. That’s usually not a good sign, because it implies you weren’t good enough to leave early. Also, anytime he went head-to-head with an NBA prospect, he was eaten alive. I don’t have any examples because I’m a blogger, but trust me on this.

9:35- Portland and Dallas swap a shit ton of draft picks, with Dallas getting the better end of the deal by a long shot. Since when does Portland trade more for less? Either way, I can’t imagine there being any consequences from it, the highest pick in the trade is 22nd this season, and if you look at the history of 22nd overall picks, you’re not going to see a lot of glitz and glamour.

9:39- Looks like they had their eyes set on a one Victor Claver out of Spain. Must of had a hot lead from Rudy Fernandez.

9:43- Shaq comes on and is as amicable as can be, it’s unfortunate that I have to root for him now that he’s in Cleveland, because I’ve made a life of fandom rooting against him. Sigh.

9:45- Sacramento, in their neverending attempt to stick it to the Lakers, drafts the second Jew in Omar Cassipi from Israel. He’ll work out with them, probably make  a quick six figures before we forget about him and hear his name in the 2012 Olympics.

9:51- Dallas is on the clock, and they do what they were supposed to in drafting the defensively deficient BJ Mullens from my almamater, Ohio State University, a center that draws nothing but scorn from the city of Columbus. I don’t think there’s ever been a college athlete going pro that has left his school with the fan base wishing him ill-will, but much like his inability to start even though OSU didn’t have another player over 6′8, Mullens has pulled off the impossible.

9:53- OK City takes Rodrigue Beaubois out of France because…I don’t really have anything to say about him. Because he played in some fake pro league outside of Paris. Actually, I’m pretty sure they drafted him just so they could hear David Stern butcher his name.

9:55- Ooh, they didn’t get Thabeet, so now the Thunder are trading him to Dallas for Mullens. What is it with today and seven footers I don’t like going to teams I want to see win? If I wanted to see BJ Mullens play, I would have gone to more than the one OSU game I got free Huntington Club tickets for.

9:58- Only five more picks left in the first round, and outside of Taj Gibson, DeJuan Blair and DeJuan Summers, we can’t think of anyone with any real potential left on the board, so cutting it off after the first round is appropriate. Maybe Wayne Ellington and Danny Green, who both elected to come out early knowing they wouldn’t be taken until the late first or second round, so that kind of lowers my opinion.

10:00- Taj Gibson goes to Chicago out of USC, and this is our dark horse, despite our pre-set notions about everything USC. Is it just me, or is he considerably better than their first pick of…James Johnson, who if I mention him again I’m just going to call him not Jeff Teague.

10:03- It’s 10:03 and the Grizzlies will pay you to take their autograph.

10:06- The Grizz take a guy with a liver disease out of Missouri in DeMarre Carroll, it was the only guy on the Tigers that you could distinguish from his teammates in the tourney because of his hair. I actually like the pick, he has a real Rodney Turiaf quality to him, and I mean that as a compliment. You get a solid utility player this late in the NBA draft, you’re doing what you’re supposed to do.

10:09- These last three picks are grinding to a halt, and I don’t much give a shit which point guard Minnesota takes with their fourth pick this round, so whatever adrenaline I was operating on is gone. So please, Minnesota, and hurry the fuck up already.

10:12- Wayne Ellington goes to the T-Wolves. He’ll stand in the corner waiting to shoot set three’s opposite of Rashard McCants, another UNC alum. This team really needs Corey Brewer to come back healthy and meet his potential, like he was supposed too coming out of Florida and then they don’t really have any excuses in the 2010-2011 season.

10:15- The Lakers are on the clock and are selling it to the Knicks for a reported three million. Talk about a fleecing by LA, whose looking to resign Ariza and Odom, and wants the money to pay both of them.

10:16- The most ill-advised pick of all time, Darko Millicic is going to New York for Quentin Richardson, and it will have absolutely no effect on anything. Though I’m surprised D’Antonio was willing to part ways with one of his dependents.

10:17- The Lakers take Tony Douglas out of Florida State on behalf of the Knicks. Again, probably inconsequential, but FSU was actually competitive this year so it speaks highly of him.

10:20- Finally, Cleveland us on the clock and will probably take Dejuan Blair or DeJuan Summers. Every mock draft I saw said Summers, but I don’t think  anyone was expecting Blair to be on the board so we’ll see if they want another banger. Seems a bit redundant after the Shaq trade, but Danny Ferry hasn’t exactly been efficient over the years.

10:22- Christ this is taking an eternity.

10:23- To conclude the first round, the Cavs select Christian Eyenga out of the Congo. My only reference to that country is the adaptation of the ungodly stupid Michael Crichton novel, Congo, starring Ernie Hudson. Someone is saying he’s a stellar athlete, but he’s playing in a middle school gym so take that with a grain of salt. Reportedly he’s going to be “stashed away”, which is mob speak for either in “witness protection” or “buried in a desert”, it could really be either.

Alright, that was long and tedious, somehow it exceeded our NFL running diary, in which there were 10 minutes between each pick. we’re calling it a night and we’ll see you tomorrow afternoon at some point.

We’ll get to the links a little later, but I have to dedicate a few words to what I saw last night on The Real World: Cancun premiere, because it’s remarkable how little this show has changed. If you were in your 70’s or under 15 and have never seen the series before, it might have been life-altering. Otherwise it was just more youth-filler for the once proud cable network. Not that it was particularly offensive or that the people this year were any less impressive than those that came before; in fact the lot of them seemed genuinely excited to be there, which is more than I can say for the Hollywood season. God, what a wretched group of people they were.

But it was just (how can I explain this eloquently)…dull. There are four men and four women, following the theme from the Brooklyn season with an even gender head count. All the men are sporting moderate muscle definition to accompany their dullard personalities, and all the women are impossibly attractive and completely and utterly vapid. Basically, it’s like every other Real World season of the past ten years or so (with the exception of Brooklyn, and that was such a ham-fisted effort that it was just as uninteresting).

You can probably guess what happened so I’m just going to give you the short-handed version of it: the cast-mates met each other, got confirmation on everyone’s sexual orientation, marveled at their new surroundings, showed off their pierced ring fingers, got drunk, vomited, passed out, one roommate banged some random girl at a club (because she has tattoos!) and another made out with her mom, a guy dumped his girlfriend and got his hair braided. In even shorter-hand, it was basically the exact same Real World premiere that you would have seen for the past twelve seasons or so. The end.

We will say this: this season’s cast could have had such a positive reaction because it was impossible to feign casualness. This is, by far and away, the best setting for any reality show, much less a Real World season. I mean, if you were given the option to live in a high rise hotel suite with an ocean front view in Cancun, or a broken down, mice infested loft in Brooklyn, which are you going to opt for? Outside of some die hard Brooklynites or New Yorkers, I have to imagine this vote is pretty monolithic.

We probably won’t watch another episode, because it’s going to be repetitive as all hell, but it was nice to know what direction they’re planning on taking the series after the attempt to cast “real people” for the 21st season. With any luck, MTV will realize just how much cheaper the production costs are for some random dating show and cease bastardizing this once respectable franchise.

Links much later today.

UPDATE: Fuck the links, we’re going to do a running diary of the NBA Draft tonight. We’ll be back around 7:30-ish EST. This might sound atypical, and it is. But it isn’t unprecedented.

Ugh, I really don’t feel like doing this right now but I feel like I should honor one of my promises to post links this week. So here goes. Also, we’re contemplating watching The Real World tonight, because we’re desperate for something with a pulse after watching The Superstars and Rescue Me last night, the latter of which damn near made me comatose. Hey, it might be utter garbage, but at least we can watch people get drunk, fall down and at some point screw each other’s brains out. Just an affirmation of life is what we’re looking for, that’s all.

With the current uptick in quality on Weeds, I suppose this is good news: Mary Louise-Parker is on board with Weeds so long as it stays fresh. If that was true she would have left after season two. But I hate to break it to you, Mary, but that might require showing more than just your tits floating in a bathtub. Ahem. This could, however, also be interpreted as bad news, because unless Parker and series creator Jenji Kohan have staunch disagreements about the best course action for the plot, it makes the likelihood of her dying before the series finale highly unlikely.

I'm starting to understand the appeal of this show.

Here’s the new teaser for Dexter, America’s favorite sensationalized televised series just behind CSI and Law & Order: SVU. Even though I don’t watch it and kind of resent its critical and commercial popularity, I am more than willing to concede that Dexter makes those two shows look like something on ABC Family. In the sensationalistic Olympics, Dexter takes the gold in a landslide.

Larry David is displeased with his appearance in high definition. Wait, you’re saying Larry David behaving neurotically about something? Get out. He’s usually so full of confidence and self-assurance when he plays a version of himself on his HBO series. This is like finding out Charlie Sheen likes hookers.

For the other 57 people who watch and/or care about Nip Tuck, they’ve already filmed their series finale, which won’t air for well over two years. Obviously they’re not bound to anything, but I like the idea that they already have a very specific direction they’re taking the series in. I’m dying to know which body parts of which main characters will have to be amputated.

And finally, here’s an interview with Connie Britton about the upcoming season(s) of Friday Night Lights. For whatever reason, more is revealed in interviews with FNL cast members than with cast from any other show I can think of. For The Sopranos you’d probably have to take out more people than the writers killed off in the first two seasons to get confirmation that Silvio wouldn’t be killed off during hiatus. Anyways, don’t watch the interview if you take SPOILERS really personally, like most everyone seems too.

Back with more tomorrow.

So we did something we thought we’d never do again: we watched prime time programming on ABC. And no, we should have watched Better Off Ted but we had a late league game and didn’t care enough to record it. What we watched was The Superstars, and my oh my was it a regrettable decision. First off, the product itself is terrible. They don’t show much other than people jogging or biking or kayaking. It’s like watching American Gladiators with celebrities. But when you make a point to have B-list celebrities and A-List athletes, people don’t really give a shit about watching them run an obstacle course. Your audience is tuning in to watch them interact maliciously with each other.

Isn’t that the entire drawing point these days with reality? It started with the Osbournes, then from there we went to The Surreal Life, and now reality television manufactures its own “stars” and gives them reality series’ (I Love New York). We don’t want to see them joust, god damn it, we want to see them argue over toothpaste or prospective love interests.

Also, and outside of his ridiculous stance on the BCS (read: He supports it), I’m a big John Saunders fan. But good lord was his commentary insipid. “And Dan Cortese is on his team’s bike and catching up with Jeff Kent, who’s running, trying to hold onto his lead. And now Dan Cortese is neck and neck with Jeff Kent…and Dan Cortese on his bike is passing Jeff Kent who’s on foot. This is unbelievable!” I guess since this is basically a really, really slow horse race, their isn’t much too fill the minutes with. But man, try to inject some humor into it, or something.

Thanks, Joanna. For your contributions to this site.

The only people who brought any character to the telecast, Terrell Owens and Joanna Krupa (pictured here and to the left), were naturally the first people sent home. And when I say character, I don’t necessarily mean the desired kind. I mean the “reality” show kind. The type of character they bring is melodramatic and combative, it’s the in vogue form of entertainment these days. And everyone who watches it says they do to “laugh at how stupid everyone is” or something to that extent, but the truth is they actually find shit like two people arguing over nothing to be compelling. The entire facade of claiming to watch it for the laugh-worthy train wreck is embarrassing. The bright side is it looks like a 13 year-old boy was in charge of casting, so there’s plenty of eye-candy, as evidenced above.

Anyways, and I promise you this is the last time we ever write about The Superstars, Joanna Krupa made Terrell Owens look like the mature one, which is no small feat. You could tell she was displeased with Owens after the kayaking challenge, but her temper-tantrums after the qualifying and elimination round were something to behold. She’s basically the pinnacle for any stereotype that’s part of the American lexicon for attractive women (models in particular). I mean, how is it possible to get so worked up over running some obstacle course or kayaking down a lazy river on an island that is literally called Paradise? Owens had a minor blow-up after losing the kayaking challenge, but it wore off and he was attempting to be supportive of Krupa, something I don’t think we’ve ever seen him do on a football field.

Anyhow, if you’re not recovering from a stroke and weren’t born with any mental defects, I don’t know how you watch this show without multi-tasking. For example, I was writing for this post and listening to Simmons’ latest podcast, and still felt like The Superstars was the TV equivalent of paint drying. If you have some sort of affinity for one of the athletes or “celebrities” competing on this show, then by all means have yourself a ball. Otherwise, I recommend you go out or watch something else or stare at your kitchen wall and do absolutely nothing in favor of watching this dross.

Trying to set up some links for later.

This was one of those episodes that kept us engaged for half of it and scratching our head for the other half. Actually, not even half of it was clicking, but the part of it that was more than compensated for the shortcomings. This episode was kind of all over the map, unlike the week before which had more of a central focus, and we’re pressed for time, so we’re going to resort to bullet points. Sorry.

• 

  The greats can always mask their dependence.

  Amazingly, the portion of the episode we were really enjoying was that involving Tommy and his drinking. He’s clearly deeper into the alcoholism than he would have led them to believe. Part of that is because no one wants to deal with him, but also because in all his years of heavy alcohol abuse, he’s manage to hone his craft and mask it from his surroundings, even when he’s ten deep into a bender. They capped this episode beautifully, with Tommy’s exit speech at AA, and subsequently with Tommy being unwittingly given a copy of Mickey Mantle’s famous speech regretting his history of alcohol abuse…and disregarding it. I imagine this is par for the course with alcoholics, everyone assumes they have it under control. But Tommy has always exhibited a little more self-awareness, it’s tantamount to how fargone he is.

• Get ready for another clumsy gender reversal storyline with Franco’s new love interest. Not only does she enjoy boxing, but she’s a mechanic! How butch! I’m sure Franco will feel emasculated by her at some point, and then will be forced into coming to terms with it. Can’t wait.

• Steve Pasquale continues to handle the weightier material for Sean quite well, which leads us to wonder why we had to wait through four seasons for it, but whatever. He’s also got some pipes on him. For singing, I mean. Perv. Anyhow, I’m not sure I understand the protectionism Needles is exhibiting. I mean, yeah, it’s a patriarchal thing with him being the new Chief, but it feels so remarkably forced just so there’s another recurring character on screen with Sean.

• Sheila is well on her way to turning back into the caricature she’s been ever since the start of season three, but for the time being at least she isn’t being disregarded as a complete and utter joke. No, they’re going to draw out the punchline for a few episodes. Janet has always been regarded as the serious character but her antics are just as tired as Sheila’s, and unlike with Sheila, we cringe just seeing her on screen, as opposed to waiting to hear what she says.

• Glad to have Lenny back, but don’t really care about him and we’re still wondering why they wrote him out of NYC in the first place, but I suppose it doesn’t matter. It was probably just a failed attempt at humor.

• We’re still not particularly enamored with Candy being back with Kenny, especially since I can’t imagine what she needs him so desperately for that she can’t find someone else. And that Kenny was obviously going to acquiesce (based on his numerous and miserable experiences with women in the Rescue Me world), so why draw it out for two episodes and devote so much time between the two of them sitting around and glaring at each other? We’re confident it will pick up tonight, but in what capacity I have no idea, nor am I particularly interested.

That’s pretty much the extent of the episode. Mike Lombardi and whoever plays Damien (if you consider him integral to the series, which I do) were the only characters with the week off. But like I said, there was a lot that wasn’t working and a little of it that was. But when the show is operating substantively and isn’t just recycling the same material with either the same or different characters, then the show packs a lot of punch. When it does recycle the same material over and over, as it has been known to do but has, for the most part, taken a break from in season five, we get Franco dating an unnuanced character like the boxing female mechanic.

Probably it for today. We’ll get to some links tomorrow.

We’re doing two Weeds posts in a row to try and retain a semblance of order around here. Not to be all melodramatic, but waiting a week to do a Weeds post is like taking ten hours to buy a new pair of sandals. They’re all pretty much the same and spending more than ten minutes thinking about any of them is a colossal waste of time. Not to mention that last night’s episode was really, really good.

This is the closest we can find that's contextually similar.

It was like, season two good. I can’t remember the last time Andy and Nancy (man, they just designed so these two eventually end up together) actually interacted with other people while in each other’s company. And the scene with Esteban in the OB/GYN of doom was definitely the funniest they’ve compiled since Andy had his mural put on the wall with the giant cracker by the morass of illegal immigrants. Can someone find me a wallpaper of that? Thanks.

After we bitched about how distant everyone was from everyone else last week and how it might adversely effect the series, at least they made a joke out of how quickly there plans fell apart, and we got to see Nancy interact with someone that knew her before she met Judah, and apparently she was just as self-absorbed then as she is now. For being the lead character of a series that’s currently in its fifth season, we know amazingly little about Nancy Botwin. Hearing what a recluse she was certainly provided some symmetry, and we know that her behavior in the wake of Judah’s death is pretty much how she would have reacted to any crisis, much less one as catastrophic as the sudden death of her husband.

I guess that’s kind of been the point of the character, she’s been so preoccupied with maintaining the homestead and when she wasn’t (the last couple seasons, essentially), no one’s given a shit enough about her to ask. At least until now, with Jill in the picture it offers an entirely new dynamic and perspective on Nancy. Instead of dealing with her bullshit for the past year or so, she’s had a lifetime of it to build up her resentment.

Anyhow, as far as the plot goes, I’m not entirely sure what Till is doing back in the picture, other than Sucio might have been the one operating the belt sander last season (Cesar did say that he tortures people for them). But a couple things I’m confused about: 1) Doesn’t Guillermo pretty much already know that Nancy is responsible for busting up the tunnel operation, even if she won’t admit to it? And 2) Why would she tell Esteban she was leaving? Just so she can claim honesty with him and maybe he’ll spare her life? I didn’t really understand the sequence of events at the end of the episode, but as far as I could tell they weren’t supposed to be cut and dry.

We’re really liking the Silas and Doug storyline as well. I’m still amazed about how everyone, everywhere can be  bought with either free marijuana or profits from the distribution of it, but getting back to the relatively harmless sale of weed is a welcomed return amidst all of the tension. We still think their storyline is somehow going to intersect with Nancy’s to get her off the hook.

The demise of Celia’s stint with the revolutionaries couldn’t have come fast enough. We assume she’ll be back in Ren-mar by episodes end next week, being only mildly apologetic. We’re not ruling out whether or not they’ll enter into the equation with the obligatory dispatching of Esteban, but for now we’re glad there isn’t this side-story so far removed from everything other than a series of phone calls.

Anyhow, if they can keep up at this pace we’ll be recommending this series and not just begrudgingly recapping it. If they can inject a good deal of humor into it and still keep the show tonally consistent with the material, then I’m fine with it. If not, then we get back to the same forced drama that hasn’t ever really worked on this show because everything happens so fast and, of course, we know nothing about our protagonist.

Rescue Me recap later today.

Guess who finally got Showtime? I don’t associate anyone else with this site, so it should be pretty easy to discern. We switched out Cinemax for it at no additional cost, which seems hard to believe. Cinemax is a collection of movies that have either been or are going to be ran on HBO plus an embarrassing amount of soft-core porn to choose from. Basically, if you already have HBO and internet access, it renders Cinemax obsolete. I thought that since HBO owned the beshitted pay network they were a packaged deal with Time Warner, but it appears that’s not the case. That, or the technical support person I was talking to was still riding their opium high. Either way, we’re all the better for it. Now we can watch Dexter, and quit pretending like we hate it because we don’t have accommodating access to it.

Onto the recap.

I can see why some critics are complaining about the series being too dark now, as I was not expecting a rape scene. I probably should have been, since Nancy has always used sex to her advantage, it makes sense that she would have that taken away from her while she’s being stripped of everything else. It was a pretty horrific scene and one that now has me rooting for her, once again.

In hindsight, this might seem like a walk in the park.

Things are not looking up for Nancy Botwin, she’s being intimidated by convicts she put behind bars and the father of her unborn child. Her kids still hate her and now she has an unwanted live in watchdog in Cesar, pretty much things have only gotten worse for our anti-heroine. If we were watching this all unfold on hidden cameras, we’d assume Nancy has at most ten months of life left. But since it’s a TV show that thrives on her existence (though we’re convinced it could thrive without here), well, we’re interested to see how the writers write her out of the current predicament, as even she seems ready to die if getting her estate in order with Doug is any indication (why hasn’t she done this yet?).

Right now we’re banking on Silas’ currently ill-fated growing project to align them with another illegal outfit that goes to war on behalf of the Botwins. It could be the angry cowboys that were born in the wrong century they stumbled onto in the woods. They didn’t really give any indication that the gang of automatic weapon wielding misfits would come back into the fray, but the godfather seemed like a decent actor, so we’re expecting it to happen.

I’m kind of blase about the other two subplots with Shane and Andy in Berkeley and Celia joining a resistance outfit. The latter might be a distant attempt to get Celia’s conundrum back in the main storyline, since she is with a resistance movement and Nancy is being intimidated by the Mayor if Tijuana (is that right?). Anyways, draw your own conclusions. In fact, I imagine her story will intertwine with Nancy’s in the next couple months, because I don’t think the audience has much use for Celia Hodes if she’s this far removed from everyone else.

Shane and Andy staying with Nancy’s sister just seems…I don’t know, this obviously isn’t going to be more than a temporary arrangement and as per usual with the majority of arcs from Weeds, nothing is going to come of it. Have they even mentioned Andy and Judah’s dad since he skipped town? Was it anything more than a convenient way to set the lot of them up in a house? I don’t think it was. So if the justification for the plot is to eat up camera time and to say they have Jennifer Jason Leigh making a cameo, then why should I care about it? Obviously I’m making a lot of assumptions, but if the past four seasons are any indication, I’m not going to be into this subject matter unless it’s written exceptionally.

Still, a pretty solid episode even if about 30% of it seemed like unnecessary filler (at least for now). With all four ongoing plots having nothing to do with each other, we’re looking forward to seeing how they all converge into one show again. Maybe it’s just for the fact that we’re not watching any other television at the moment and Weeds has been off for almost a year, but we’re just enjoying a semi-structured storyline with interesting characters. Hopefully things don’t fly too far off-the-wall, but at this point I’m not even sure if that’s possible. Maybe if Nancy used those machetes to chop up Cesar, but barring any violence from a generally non-violent character, we think they’d have a hard time surprising us.

Back with links later today.

One last links post to close out the week. As you can tell, we never got around to watching the most recent Weeds episode, a problem we hope to remedy by weekends end. Not much else going on, so we’ll forego any further preambles.

I can’t recall a better time to be associated with Oprah Winfrey than now: She’s taking her entire staff on a cruise that covers Spain, Italy, Turkey, Greece and Malta. Seems a little excessive, but I can’t imagine anyone is complaining. Other than people like me, who would commit unpseakable acts for such an opportunity. In case you were worrying, don’t, she’ll be back to indoctrinating upper-middle class women in no time.

Other than the first image to pop up on a google image search for "Maxim", I have no idea who this is.

The cable network E! and the ladmag Maxim are teaming up to shallow-ize the populace, the likes of which we’ve never seen. They’re scheduled to do a couple specials together, and I have no idea what that entails. But if I had to guess, I’m pretty sure the extent of it will be women from AXE Body Spray commercials putting on masks of tabloid stars and wrestling in jello, then having the lead singer from Whitesnake determine who the winner was.

Here’s the trailer for an Arrested Development documentary, a documentary I wasn’t aware was in existence until just now. This probably costs me hipster points, but I livev in Ohio so it’s much easier too come to terms with that fact. Anyway, hopefully this is a precursor to a movie, something that is starting to feel more and more overdue. Is Sit Down, Shut Up still on the air? Can someone look into this?

Here’s another trailer for an upcoming HBO series called Bored To Death, a series I wasn’t even aware was coming. Naturally, it doesn’t come out until September, but this is the first look at it and stars Zach Galifinikas (among others), so it warrants the three month advance notice. If you need a synopsis, I think the anti-Entourage should suffice.

And finally, the TV Academy “honored” television’s most beloved dad’s Of All Time. Probably because Father’s day is Sunday, but it still doesn’t make much sense. I’d actually rather see the opposite: Ten most hated TV dads. Who would we put on that: Tony Soprano, Jimmy McNulty, Tommy Gavin, Roger Sterling, Randy Marsh, Doug Wilson, Riggins’ dad…I’m sure there are a couple others that are eluding me right now, but that’s some prime suckage in child-rearing right there.

Alright, we’re wrapping it up for the week. This is, without a doubt, one of the five more mundane weeks we’ve had on this site. It would be stealing the top spot if we didn’t stumble onto the Weeds season premiere last weekend. In short, we’re exceptionally thankful it’s over.