Grid Effect

Well, it’s official, Kevin Reilly, the entertainment president for NBC that brought us The Office, 30 Rock, Friday Night Lights and a host of other critically heralded series, has been fired. This is just more and more evidence that my sensibilities aren’t in line with the average American/network executive.

Some suggest NBC’s dismal ratings can be attributed to their perceived liberal bias that at least half the country would resent, something that the entertainment president could hardly be held accountable for, but I tend to believe the problem runs deeper than that. I am convinced that at least FNL’s biggest hurdle was reassuring the mainstream (This is too vague a term, but I’m using it anyway) that the series was about more than a high school, football or high school football. But describing it as a exposition of contemporary small town America is hardly fan friendly. As far as perceived political affiliations are concerned, it probably doesn’t help matters that Alec Baldwin is the male lead in 30 Rock (which is something of a catch-22 since the series wouldn’t exist without him) and Aaron Sorkin’s follow up to The West Wing had more of a liberal slant than a feminist website. Just sayin’.

As far as the three comedies are concerned (He’s responsible for My Name is Earl as well), their paltry ratings could only be attributed to there stylization. Unlike most sitcoms, the characters aren’t funny in and of themselves. Generally, they’re unaware of how their actions might be interpreted as comedic. Michael Scott isn’t pulling one liners out of his ass to the bemusement of his employees, ninety percent of the time the comedy he provides is derived from his awkwardness, idiocy and misconceptions. Also, no laugh track seems to be a death wish for offbeat comedies (i.e. Arrested Development, at some point I need to get over that series’ premature cancellation), none of these three score top ten nielsens, if they all last a full additional season, I’d be surprised.

With that said, FNL has lost an integral fan upstairs, the series was essentially a Kevin Reilly charity case to earn a second season, His patience in hoping the series will appeal to the masses (beacuse there is no real reason it shouldn’t) is unlikely to be inherited by his predecessor. This is, by far, the first order of business for whoever earns his position: observe how FNL does on its Sunday night reruns over the summer, and the strength of those and the first few episodes of season two will determine its future. Needless to say, things look grim. HBO would have never renewed The Wire if Chris Albrecht decided to allegedly start beating his girlfriend three years ago instead of this month. But Albrecht has a certain affection for the series, so it was signed through five seasons.

Anyhow, despite his misfortune (and really, there is a ton of it), Reilly will be sorely missed on this website. Farewell, sir, best of luck in your future endeavors.

ETA: The former head of HBO is Chris Albrecht, not Mike Albrecht. Thanks to Lynn for pointing this out in the comments.

This is our second installment of introducing upcoming Fall series’ from varying television networks. You can read our overview of HBO here, and that might seem upbeat compared to what we’re about to cover, because today we are looking at CBS and considering the only series we watch/have watched on that network over the past five years is Survivor, I wouldn’t expect much positivity out of this run down. I feel like it’s simply a generational gap here, CBS is the number one network amongst senior citizens, of which we are not. Again, I am not privy to any screenings of these series, so this is all superficial knee-jerk reactions.

The Big Bang Theory: Mondays 8:30pm ET
Synopsis: An attractive blond moves in next door to a couple standard beta male geeks. High jinks ensues.
Impressions: This might score some decent ratings by association with CBS, but if I bother to tune into a single episode I would wake up feeling dirty the following day. Expect to see the two guys falling over a lot and running into things while said blond giggles at their social/physical clumsiness.

Cane : Tuesdays, 10pm ET
Synopsis: A Latin-American family deals with the trials and tribulations of sugar cane and rum empire. Certainly an unusual premise for your typical dramatic CBS series. In other words, there’s no forensics or lawyers saying things like, “If you didn’t kill her then why is her blood on your hands?”
Impressions: I like the concept here, but the very fact it’s on CBS has me skeptical. I suppose that is my innate bias exposing itself but I feel it is justified.

Kid Nation : Wednesdays, 8pm ET
Synopsis: A gaggle of forty kids set out to build a society that rivals the one created by adults, expect lollipops and forts.
Impressions: Why this is a primetime series and not on Saturday mornings I am not sure. Never the less, I can respect the business tactic from CBS: Taking a risk (because they can afford at least one) to corner the twelve and under market with the 8pm time slot because the average modern parent has neither the time, energy nor patience to challenge their kid and force them to go to bed. Really, I appreciate this cold, hard calculated move from America’s number one network. With that said, unless I’m with my nieces I’ll probably never watch it.

Moonlight: Fridays, 9pm ET
Synopsis: This is much more up CBS’s allie. In short, a private investigator who solves crimes, but with a twist. What’s the twist? The lead is, I kid you not, a vampire who spends his days fending off less noble undead counterparts and supressing his feelings for a non-vampire.
Impressions: Well, at least they’re trying. Though I’m not terribly surprised this landed a Friday time slot; nor is it surprising this is following Ghost Whisperer. For one, the series gets solid ratings for a Friday series, two, they both deal with the supernatural. But yeah, I’m pretty bearish on what’s being offered here.

Viva Laughlin: Sundays, 8pm ET
Synopsis: A British import that is part musical tells the tale of a professional wrestler who stirves to open his own casino one day in a small Nevada city. Hugh Jackman has a recurring role and executively produces the series.
Impressions: Definitely off the beaten path and its eccentric enough that I just might give it a shot. Musicals always strike me as exceedingly pretentious but if the breaks into song and dance are minimalized, they could be tolerable. I’ll give this a 5/1 shot to be my Friday Night Lights of 2007, at least in terms of series I wasn’t expecting to enjoy but was blown away with what was presented.

All in all, considering the network, the new lineup is, overall, fairly encouraging. Back with more tomorrow.

A long, long weekend is resulting in a late post. Just a few quick links to kick of the short week…

Laila Ali is legitimately angry over what transpired on Dancing With The Stars. Meaning, she’s upset because she didn’t win. Miss Ali is a professional athlete and maybe that entails a brand of competitiveness that I’m just not familiar with, but when you are upset to this degree over a dance competition, it may be time to reevaluate things.

Artie Lange is leaving Howards Stern’s show in favor of a series on FOX. Why anyone in his position would leave his current gig is astonishing. I guess the thought process goes something like, “I am somewhat tired of getting up at 3am and chiming into random interviews/conversations with the same monotonous droll five days a week. Fuck it, I’m leaving my cushy seven figure radio gig to take a stab at television with a series that has a 2% chance of lasting six episodes.” That’s if he was actually being honest with himself. Never the less, it sounds like the intelligent move, his physical health appears to be at a breaking point.

Tiffani Amber Thiessen has taken a role as a doctor. The only thing realistic about this news is she bitches about the wardrobe. Whatever, if something like this doesn’t materialize, her current work will never live up to her past.

That’s it. Sorry for the dearth of material, not much happens on weeks leading up to holidays, everyone is too distracted to work, including myself.

Little late this morning but an improvement on the rest of the week, I was contemplating posting this next Friday as there isn’t a new episode for another nine days. But what the hell? I have nothing else to write about. onto the recap…

Asbestos is rotting/steaming/dissolving in a marsh outside the city. This shit is either going to end up being the downfall of Tony Soprano or Al Gore made some self-indulgent alterations to the scripts.

Tony and AJ are sleeping soundly until both are woken by AJ’s blaring alarm, “Ridin’ Dirty” Chamillionaire. This is the first psuedo-shout out to my home state since Paulie was jailed in Youngstown in season four. The heart of it all, baby.

Tony walks downstairs and sees Carm opening a watch he had sent to her from Vegas. She’s grateful and implies he probably cheated, “I don’t know what its for”, Tony claims its for having to go to Vegas to handle Chris’ business. And in a way, it’s not a lie. Depending on how relative of a term you feel “business” is.

Asbestos, Stefano offers to shake Bobbys hand, he refuses, Bobby is cold, pissy. I think I preferred jovial, wide-eyed Baccala. This new contemptuous Bobby even gives Stefano shit for not having an envelop for the money. I suppose it’s the one case you would actually demand an envelop, what with the hydrous magnesium silicates that are flying around.

AJ’s in therapy, finally telling his therapist about the beating of the Somalian. “Why can’t I catch a fucking break?” He rhetorically asks, almost mimmicking his father verbatim. AJ bitches about Israel-Palestine and other somewhat volatile cultures/conflicts. AJ regals a bunch of morbid shit and compares their durress to the extreme comfortability to Americans at The Mall of America and his parents. “She’s not black…she’s pretty tanned”, is AJ’s response when his therapist suggests Blanca might be related to all these observations.

Tony walks into Satriales while Silvio reads “How to Clean Anything”, this is an appropriate read for Silvio on a number of different levels. The mafia all had a picture of Chris framed while on the set of “Cleaver”, Tony looks displeased. Tony really reminisces passionately about his peyote experience. Paulie starts rattling on and on about some story, while everyone sits there expressionless.

At dinner, Kelli and Caitlin is with Carm and Tony when AJ comes downstairs, and he explains how they spray chemicals on American beef, instead of cleaning rat shit out of the plants. AJ says, “Fine, bury your head in the sand” is his response to his parents disinterest. Tony tells him to give it a rest since he’s upsetting people who’ve “been through a tragedy”. I find it amazing that AJ’s parents can use any situation and converse it into a motive for appropriate behavior. When AJ vandalized his high school’s swimming pool, his fathers outrage stemmed from the fact he did it on Carmela’s birthday. Anyhow, the scene ends with this gem from Tony: “Twenty years he won’t crack a book, now he’s the foremost authority”.

AJ is mesmerized by “The Second Coming”, A Yeats poem that can be applied to any bleak situation/outlook. His teacher reads the first half in class the camera cuts to him reading the second half in bed.

Tony talks with agent Harris and his lacky, he seems annoyed, almost regretful he ever talked to them in the first place. They ask about the two Arabs Tony gave them information about and shows him pictures for verification. The FBI is not even sure if they’re still in the country. Crack work there, boys.

Tony, Bobby and Sil go to New York to meet up with Phil, he manages to hold Tony responsible for his Brothers death once again by simply sending his condolences to Kelli, saying, “The grieving process takes longer, the closer you are to somebody”. Tony nods in acknowledment, not wanting to have the same conversation again.

To business matters Phil is refusing to budge on the 25%. When Tony asks why he isn’t going to even consider his new proposal, Phil is smug and obnoxious. “You made an offer which I considered, and rejected”. Tony recalls his moment with Phil in the hospital, “There’s a point where business, bleeds into other shit, makes shit financially unfeasible”. Phil, still defiant, replies with a nonsensical joke, “Charles Schwab over here”. Tony resents the wiescracks; Phil explains his prison experience about how sometimes compromising is more than we always expect.

Silvio pulled some Jersey jobs from NYC. Butchie and his cohort beat the shit out of the messenger then rob him of $320. Who ever said mobsters were petty.

Meadow talks with AJ and tries to break the ice with Borat, he, in his newfound wisdom, doesn’t think it was fair to the people involved. He is really blue and has dropped out of school. She tries to turn off his radio, he snaps. His voice starts to crack when he explains that he doesn’t even know why he’s upset, or rather, why everything is afflicting his conscious. While Meadow is trying to offer him advice, he randomly blurts out that we’re going to bomb Iran and that Bush will do it before he leaves office. She just concedes not wanting to argue foreign policy because it’s not the issue at hand. She assumes he is surfing the web for porn and that would actually be preferred, because he is on an Al-Jazeera website. Meadow suggests that maybe he moves out, he claims he is too ill and needs his moms cooking. AJ calls Meadow “their pet”. Meadow says, “We’re Italian AJ, you’re their son, do you have any idea what that means? You’ll always be more important.”

Carmela has made AJ some hideous looking things called “Lincoln log sandwiches”, they appear to be hot dogs on white bread draped in Cream Cheese. She leaves and he looks out at the pool.

Cut to AJ sitting on the diving board with a tear streaming down his face and the cover half-removed. He has a brick tied to his ankle and throws a plastic bad over his head, sealing it with a rubber band. he throws the brick in the water and follows it. Naturally, he has a change of heart and swims back up (He cut the rope too long) but the length of the rope doesn’t allow him out of the center of the pool. Tony comes home to the same sandwiches and hears AJ screaming, he looks out through the window and sees AJ holding onto the diving board byu his fingertips. As he’s walking outside with the sandwich and can’t figure out what is going on, AJ slips back under the water and Tony jumps in, grabbing him. He puts AJ’s elbows on the edge and gathers the brick from the surface of the pool, lifts him onto the surface, all the while AJ is is bawling. He gets him on the surface and screams, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” before cradling him in his lap repeatedly saying, “You’re my baby” or “You’re alright, baby” or some variation of those two. Jesus.

At a psych-ward, AJ is being rolled into the hospital and is full of valium, he has a very non-emotional reaction to the parting from his family. Carmela and Meadow are devastated.

Tony walks into the Bing and no one says anything. He takes it upon himself to bring up the “500 pound elephant in the room”. It’s good to see even in times of calamity, Terrence Winter goes out of his way to be funny. They all lament their own kids emotional issues. Except for Paulie, who blames it on all the toxins in the environment, this coming from a swell of guys who are dumping asbestos into marshland.

Tony walks into his kitchen and claims to his wife that he is depressed and she runs down the Soprano hiostory of depression, and claims AJ didn’t get it from his side. They had this argument before in season one with they speculated that AJ might have had ADHD. They attack each others lineage, she calls him out on his bull shit because he was so jovial in high school, he replies, “Oh poor you, you got married under false pretenses.” She calls his depression a “card”, he takes real offense. She asks if he has any idea if he knows what it is like to spend day after day with someone who constantrly complains. I think he does, Carm. “Fuck you”, Tony replies. “I don’t need thy watch” Carmela expresses. And by “expresses”, I mean “physically hurls”. Tony throws it back in her direction but without any physical malice.

In therapy, Tony is ashamed of AJ, it could have been a cry for help, suggests Melfi. Tony, in so many words conveys that he believes AJ’s botched attempt is a result of his mental defeciences more so than a subconscious expression. He blames Carmela’s over nurturing ways, “wiping tears off on her apron”, Gotta love that imagery. Tony says he is ashamed of him, calling suicide the cowards way out. She says that whoever said that doesn’t understand depression, but Tony does. He looks like he understands and agrees, but it pains him to acknowledge that heredity would have anything to do with this.

Carmela visits AJ, he seems disconcerned, more agitated and bitches about the food. She offers “chicken parm” with a hopeful smile and he says it’s not allowed because of the bulimic girls. Asks if dad is still mad. She reassures him that he was never mad, just hopeful and loving.

Meadow is at a coffee shop with someone I don’t quite recognize, and some NY mob guy named Coco approaches her and comments about cream on her mouth and says to random guy, it must be nice to tuck her in at night then laughs like a moron. Meadow looks horrified and random guy looks confused.

Meadow is explaining what happened to Carmela, when Tony walks in and she reluctantly shares it with him. Tony is absolutely livid and his restrained rage is uncanny, “Yeah…what else he say?”. Meadow does some sort of motion with her hand and after sharing the cream comment. Tony tries to put her mind at ease and Carmela changes topics by asking who she’s dating, she says it’s Patrick Parisi, brother of Jason (one of the two AJ was befriending) and son of Patsy (The guy who pissed in Tony’s pool in the season three premiere. Tony storms off, indifferent about her new boyfriend and steaming about Coco, claiming he has a meeting with Silvio. Meadow has also decided to go to law school, at least for the time being on account of medical school being too hard and Patrick’s psuedo-passion he uses to describe the justice system as a means to get laid.

Melfi… back on her own therapy. She subtly refers to Tony and Elliot drinks water out of the most elaborate bottle I’ve ever seen. She explains to Melfi that therapy often enables sociopaths, which I guess Tony technically is. I casually refer to him as such occasionally around these parts, but is there a more appropriate clinical term to apply to someone such as Tony Soprano?

Tony walks into Coco’s restaurant and beats him mercilessly with the butt of his gun. Butchy tries to step in while he repeatedly and intensely repeats, “My daughter, my fucking daughter”, Tony is really tempted to kill Butchy. He places Coco’s teeth on a ledge (resembling a curb) and stomps on the back of his head. Storms out while a restaurant worker mundanely says “get a mop” like its something that happens everyday.

AJ is in group therapy with Tony and Carm, he is recusing all blame and pinning it on his parents. He has really refined his skills. Tony says “poor you” and calls him a mama’s boy. I think a firm hand could be helpful, but really I have no idea. He talks about Livia and how she told him it’s “all a big nothing”, Tony cannot deny it, even though he wasn’t there. AJ refers to Green Grove as a nursing home which causes Tony to put his face in his hand in annoyance. Its a retirement community, AJ. Fucking idiot.

At Satriales, Patsy says they’re not too young to be grandparents and suggests they get dinner. Carmine sends his condolences about AJ and says, “You’re at the precipice, Tony, of an enormous crossroads”, Jesus. Even Tony looks confused. When Carmine mentions Phil will shut down some project, he says its easy for him and Tony takes offense. Carmine then says he was being prudent but Tony calls himself out on his own bull shit, and that the timing of Coco’s nonsense factored into his over-reaction.

In therapy, Tony claims he is a good guy, “basically”, and that he loves his family. Tony gives an insight into his peyote trip and explains how he knows of an afterlife, asks/assumes Melfi has done acid, she assures him she hasn’t. He uses an analogy that our mothers are like buses, they drop us off and go on their way, and we keep trying to get on the bus instead of leading our own lives. Melfi claims it to be insightful and I suppose coming from Tony, it is.

Carmine and Tony go to meet Phil and Butchy answers the door saying Phil refuses to see anyone. This seems like an old mob trick to assert dominance, have the party in question go out of his way to meet you and then refuse to see him once he arrives. As they’re walking back to the car, Phil screams from his window screen on the top floor of his bizarre house, its all very Monty Python-ish, as Carmine pleads with him to resolve this civilly.

AJ sits in the hospital and watches some made video with a Lincoln impersonator talking about insomnia.

Tony walks into the hospital, pizza in hand before a nurse tells him no food is allowed in the “unit”. He leaves it and walks inside while some song entitled, “Ninna Ninna” by an unknown artist plays as he puts his arm around a seemingly mellow AJ. Fade to credits.

Good, solid episode. I’m hoping this isn’t the last we see of AJ or Meadow, and two weeks seems like an awfully long wait in between episodes. Enjoy the extended weekend, see you Tuesday.

With the announcement of so many new series slated for the upcoming summer and fall, I figured making it a weekly feature to express our initial impressions for unreleased series: the anticipated and unwelcomed. Over the course of the next couple weeks we’ll tackle NBC, FOX, ABC and CBS with the intention of giving a brief synopsis and our expectations for each show set to debut. We might get to cable networks like FX and Bravo if they have enough combined series’ coming out to warrant a post. For now, since I have a running credo to give every series on HBO a chance, we’ll start with them today.

Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee : Premieres May 27th, 9pm et.

Synopsis: The title is fairly self-explanatory. It recalls the aftermath of the Sioux victory at Wounded Knee. Anna Paquin, whom you may recall from the X-Men series and one of my favorite Spike Lee films, 25th Hour(where she looks fantastic, on another note, Senator Clay Davis from The Wire is in this as well, ssshhhhheeeeeiiiitttt), has a line in this that is permanently ingrained in my cerebral cortex, “It is easy to kill a man, it is much harder…to break him”. Someone missed there calling to be in Sin City.

Impressions: This is a original movie from HBO and while I tend to relegate the site to TV series’, I have seen the promo for this at least five hundred times in the past three months so I feel compelled to write about it. Essentially, it looks remarkably depressing. Whatever glory the Sioux may have felt after their victory was eventually countered with massacres akin to the ones experienced before the defeat of General Custer. Anyhow, I wouldn’t expect a dud here, this film has Emmy(’s) written all over it (HBO tends to be a mainstay in the best original film/miniseries categories).

John From Cincinnati: Premieres June 10th at 10pm et.

Synopsis: It’s just like the movie Airborne, except instead of the protagonist going from LA to Cincinnati to rollerblade, he goes from Cincinnati to LA to surf.

Impressions: There really isn’t much to take away from the promos. It looks decently acted and written, but I hate reading too much into promos that are designed to make a series look as intriguing as possible. Additionally, I’m not sure if a series that revolves around surfing can really hold my attention. Its been tried in films such as Blue Crush and Point Break, but those were nothing more than caricatures of dimwitted surfers, I trust HBO to not invest in such a project. Honestly, if it were on any other network other than Showtime or potentially FX, I wouldn’t even do a double take on this.

Flight of The Concords: June 17th at 10:30pm et.

Synopsis: Two men from New Zealand make up a folk rock band coping with the arduous process of attempting to break into the mainstream in New York City. Based on the premise alone it sounds like a comedy, and it looks like a comedy in the commercials, but I could be wrong. One of the leads is Jermaine Clement, who stars in the upcoming film Eagle Vs. Shark that I have every intention of seeing.

Impressions: My expectations for this are formidable. HBO needs a good dramedy to counter the loss of Sex and The City from a couple years ago and in three weeks The Sopranos is sent off into the sunset. This looks to have talent in front of and behind the camera, with a great premise. Hopefully its all I expect it to be and it takes with the HBO audience.

John Adams: 2008

Synopsis: A mini-series chronicling the life and times of John Adams as played by Paul Giamatti, and Laura Linney as his wife, Abagail; Produced by Tom Hanks.

Impressions: This looks unseemingly dramatic. While John Adams might seem like a peculiar historical figure for an exposition, I think that’s what makes it all the more appealing. I feel like I know enough about the mainstays: Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, Van Buren, Cleveland; but John Adams… he seems to fall by the wayside more often than not. I also like the casting of Giamatti, it adds a tinge of realism to the role. And also proves my point that while typically a film actor accepting a role for television is considered a step down, HBO is the one exception. Between Cinderella Man, The Illusionist, Sideways and American Splendor, this guy is hardly struggling to find work.

Wide Awake: Premieres May 23rd at 8pm et. (Tonight!)

Synopsis: Insomnia and individuals who struggle with the affliction.

Impressions: I am a self-diagnosed insomniac, and might be able to learn and apply some tactics they may be suggested. Of course, I’ll probably end up watching this at 3am, so it will be somewhat counterproductive.

In addition to new seasons of ongoing HBO series’, this is what you have to look forward to. Speaking of which, we’ll be back with a Sopranos synopsis tomorrow.

It’s been a slow week here at Grid Effect, two late short posts on Monday and Tuesday, another equally short and much later post here on Wednesday, at this rate we’ll be replaced by memorial day. I’m not even going to delve into excuses even though I have a viable one. But I get the impression some of you are annoyed with such explanations.

Anyhow, with so little going on in our television world (We’re down to two series and both of them have this Sunday off), I’ll turn the post over to you. Is there anything you suggest we tune into? Something new or obscure you haven’t seen commmented on here? I’m skeptic, because I know everything, but you’re recommendations are appreciated. Honestly, all I watched on television last night was the NBA Draft Lottery, and this is hardly the proper forum for such topics (though Celtics and Knicks bashing is always encouraged). So any comments, questions or complaints you may have, I would be happy to respond.

And I promise to have a lengthy post tomorrow morning observing some recent trends in the medium.

Sorry for the late post two days in a row. I had all but finished and began typing the description for the last link, when somehow the entire post got highlighted and deleted everything I had written thus far. Anyways, they’re kind of paltry, sorry I couldn’t eat up more of your work hours…

I’ll never understand people. Especially people with expendable cash.

Intelligent women are disintegrating from television…But wait, aren’t middle-aged women considered fashionable for the upcoming fall season? Unless they’re all idiots, the practice of using the prevelance of fictional TV characters to illustrate a point about the social landscape needs to be laid to rest.

Larry David made a cameo with his two daughters on Hannah Montana, a kids program, so I am told. David is one of the more innovative comedians of his or any generation. But is anyone else concerned that he is rearing children?

The Sopranos series finale will go head-to-head with The Tony Awards. Call me crazy, but I don’t think the two audiences cross-converge in too many cases.

In a pre-emptive move, Trump has quit The Apprentice before NBC got around to firing him. So I’m sure he feels vindicated, and will lash out at NBC for even considering cancelling his once heralded reality show. Thing is, NBC cares inifintely more about scorning Mark Burnett than Donald Trump. But somehow I doubt Trump really grasps the concept of how television generates money.

Steven Van Zandt is allegedly letting spoilers for The Sopranos fly. I didn’t read more than the headline so please don’t go out of your way to comment on the article. Link to at your own peril.

Finally, and really I can’t think of anything more practical, Anna Kournikova and The Cartoon Network are joining forces to vanquish childhood obesity. What does the current sex vixen and failed tennis pro have in common with a TV network seemingly aiming to extend adolescence into everyones thirties? What do the two parties have to do with obesity? I don’t know the answer, but either way it should producce astounding results. I predict that within a year no child will exceed their average BMI.

Sorry for the incredibly late post, between four hours of sleep and an early meeting, I couldn’t get to the Entourage overview in time. Anyways, here’s a hyphenated post so to speak, I’ll try to make up for it in the oncoming days…

It seems to be a mutual understanding that this show is entirely too sympathetic to the Vince Chase character. Possibly because it’s produced by Mark Wahlberg (though I’m not sure how responsible he is for what ends up on film) and he would have a natural proclivity to regard Vince as just, I assume this is why we get an arrogant movie star portrayed understandingly. However, between his smug disposition combined with his naivete when it comes to film production as a business, we are left with an almost despicable, and at the very least unrelatable character (at least in several ways, an I’m not even sure if anyone involved with the series realizes this).

With that said, they bring along someone like Nika and she is entitled, shallow, manipulative, angry, selfish and apparently hypocritical…between her and her middle eastern husband with his undisclosed intentions, Vince & Co. seem grounded as a result. Honestly, is it that difficult to encompass likeable characters in this series? I would much rather they refuse to do business with the financier because he wanted to cast Sylvester Stallone in a significant role. And of course, they both want Vince to sleep with Nika to finalize the deal. At least it wasn’t predictable, I wasn’t expecting the husband to encourage it as well.

The Turtle date was, for all intensive purposes, exceedingly lame. I don’t mind the direction they are taking with it, but there is no indication as to why either party would be so intent on dating the other. At least Jerry Ferrara is getting some individual face time, usually he’s a catalyst for Drama and always a supporting character.

Speaking of Drama, I actually felt he had a legitimate complaint about the whole Rush Hour III debacle. Not that he should have been spouting to everyone he knows without at least meeting with Ratner, but after all his boasting it saved us the painfully awkward scenes of Drama explaining himself to everyone. We have seen Drama humiliated one too many times this season.

This is the penultimate episode of the third season, with the fourth picking up on June 20th. Two weeks after the third season concludes (Thanks for the material, Ellin). So there isn’t going to be too much downtime between the start of the fourth season and this upcoming episode on the June 3rd (HBO always gives its original series holiday weekends off) and I wouldn’t expect much closure on any of these storylines. At the very least, I hope its Ari-centric.

I discussed much of the symbolism in Thursday’s post and glossed over it or didn’t touch on it at all in the following post. Anyway, on to the recap.

Some Eastern Europeans (not entirely sure which ethnicity, specifically, forgive my American indifference) argue over asbestos being dumped with hordes of construction equipment, they have to recalibrate the situation…

Cut to Tony and Chris talking to Phil and Butchy about asbestos, Phil wants a bigger cut than Tony feels he deserves. Chris is wearing a hat not fully pinned down and his nervously glancing around. If you remember “Two Tonys”, Tony discovered Jack Masserone was working with the Feds when he was suspiciously wearing a hat, and used his Rogaine application as an excuse. Does anyone remembering Chris wearing a hat? Ever?

On the drive back from the contemptuous meeting, Tony and Chris discuss the Phil “issue”, as he is set to induce a regular headache on for the Jersey faction. Chris seems to insist that Tony relax, “Whatever happened to stop and smell the roses?” Tony laments that there are people like Phil that will take those roses and stick them up your ass. Chris plays with the audio system while Tony observes him, he either knows he’s high or nervous about something else, it is never made entirely clear what his thought process is at this point, though shortly we will discover it’s probably one of disgust. Chris goes for the radio right when a gradual turn comes up, he heads into an oncoming car and they swerve out of the way leading to them flipping the car over seven or eight times.

The camera shoots back to Kennedy and Heidi, Kennedy suggests they go back, Heidi claims she can’t because she is driving with her learners permit after dark. Essentially displaying the self-preservation that the majority of us embody. We expect it from psychopaths like Tony, Chris, Silvio, etc. But we would like to assume two high school girls wouldn’t be so shallow. Think again. They could have been a witness to a car full of accidental deaths and continued driving. To be honest, it wasn’t entirely unrealistic.

At the scene of the accident, Chris caught the blunt end of the accident, claims he cannot pass a drug test and he’ll have his license revoked if the cops find him in this state. Tony initially goes to help him switch car seats, busts open the window and begins to help him, until Chris claims he could never pass a drug test again and Tony glances at the shattered baby’s carseat in the back for the second or third time, watches him cough up really viscous, dark red blood while wheezing violently, Stops dialing 911, then plugs Chris’ nose shut, forcing him to choke on his own blood. Tony wipes the blood off his hands onto Chris’ shirt. Yet another way of Tony recuse himself and holding someone else responsible. This time it’s Chris, for his own death.

At the hospital, Tony asks how “his friend” is, he calls Carmela and she goes hysterical. Tony looks annoyed more than anything. Tony blames his death on the lack of a seatbelt. After he hangs up, he glances at Christopher’s belongings and looks somewhat remorseful.

Tony is now lying in bed at home when the guys walk in, they are all really uncomfortable with death, trying to make small talk. Paulie blames it on Chris “led foot”. One guy keeps trying to break the awkward silence with bringing up Carlos arrival, Sil calls him out on it. When asked if he was high, Tony says he would have killed him himself if he knew that he was.

Tony walks downstairs with the assistance of Meadow, who is, unbelievably, still a cast on the show. Tony orders Meadow to get him a scotch. And suggests Meadow get one as well, explaining to Paulie, “They were close”. Well, he did get her speed when she was in high school with the assistance of Brandon Falloon. Other than that I’m not sure they’ve ever had any screen time that didn’t involve a third party. Paulie regrets his relationship with Chris, explaining, “If you were his father, I was his dutch uncle”, regretful that he spent so much time arguing with Chris about money and such. Tony simply says, “It’s over”.

Kelli’s father is livid about leaving their granddaughter fatherless, this is neither the time or place, pal. Patsy comes in and explains that Lucci died from a stroke on the way back from seeing “Jersey Boys”. Everyone gasps. In case you need refreshed, Lucci was Paulie’s mother, then discovered she was biologically his aunt, but I guess reconciled since.

Tony is in therapy, and begins lamenting Chris’ death as “pain he’s never known”, before conceding that he is relieved. Calling Chris a, “sniveling drug addict” and expressing further, “Let me tell you something, I’ve murdered friends before, relatives even, my cousin Tony, my best friend Puss, but this?” And then he wakes up and asks Carmela if he was talking in his sleep. She flips on an interview with Katherine Hepburn where she explains her hardest acting gig. Make of it what you will.

Tony waddles downstairs to make an espresso, when he picks up a Cleaver coffee mug, he immediately walks outside and throws it into the woods to discard any guilt he may have. Tony asks Carm to make it because you average person need a pilots license to operate the cappuccino machine Paulie bought them. Sweet peat, is he ever grateful? Carmela is sorry about what she said to Chris and implicating him with Ade’s disappearance. “Why are we so quick to blame? What is the attraction in it?” she rhetorically asks herself. Though I’m sure Tony can answer from experience: “What are you kidding me? Its great! Alleviating yourself of any guilt so you can sleep at night then losing yourself in a metric ton of boos and narcotics. Few things are more rewarding, Carm, I suggest you do it more often.” Tony tries to get Carm to admit that she was relieved when she heard Chris passed, she asks insulted and said that if she seemed in anyway relieved it was because Chris died and not him. She is completely overwhelmed by the life she leads, and I almost feel sorry for her. Tony mentions the branch going through the baby’s carseat, saying, “She would be mangled beyond recognition”. Carm walks away and Tony is surprised she doesn’t want to hear it, he’s reflecting his mother more and more.

In therapy, Tony talks about Chris’ mother, Joanne, a lush, who abandoned Chris as a child is now reaping all the sympathy from fellow mourners. Tony says he walked Chris through his biggest problem and says that he handled it because Chris was incapable, and that Chris never showed any gratitude. I don’t think we was all that thrilled about killing his fiancee, Ton. In fact he seemed relatively conflicted over it. I would venture to guess that if he could do it all over again he would have eloped with her. Tony says his biggest problem is having to put on the facade of mourning, and that he doesn’t feel it, which makes him feel like a hypocrite and makes him angry. Yeah, its a real bitch when people constantly unknowingly remind you that you murdered your nephew or cousin or whatever the hell days after you did so.

Julianna walks up to Chris’ wake and Tony introduces him to Carmela. Julianna first admits she used to buy her meat at Satriale’s, then admits she is a recovering addict and that she owes Chris a lot. Tony asks, “What are u going to do?” she replies, “Nothing you can do” without skipping a beat, Tony: “Thats my point”. Carm and Tony sit down and Carmela reassures him that he loved him “so much”. Tony seems to buy it, but just for her sake. Danny Baldwin nods at him.

The guys hang out and talk, Tony sees Joanne collapse at her sons coffin and says, “Fucking James Brown now”, then sees Kelli walk up with thick, dark glasses on and says, “Jackie Kennedy”, now he’s reducing everyones misery to pop-culture references. The Jason’s comfort AJ.

Tony tells the director of “Cleaver” about the babyseat. He doesn’t seem to understand the relevance.

They go to Nucci’s wake where there is virtually no one in attendance. Some guy thanks them, Tony looks over at Paulie who looks livid, and Tony says to Carm , “I gotta get out of here”. Paulie notices him in the doorway at this, Tony asks him how he’s coping and Carmela comments on how lovely the room is to which Paulie replies, “There’s no one in it”. Paulie wants to make sure that he views this as a fundamental lack of respect that he’ll never forget. Tony tries to reassure him that many of her friends have already passed, he replies, “So she outlived Sil, fucking Carlo?” Tony, to get out of the inevitable heated conversation says Paulie should be thankful he stopped by and that this is neither the time nor the place. Could these two be anymore self-absorbed? “Their disrespecting me”, “Doesn’t my arrival mean anything?” You know, you two are at occupying wakes.

AJ talks with his therapist. and says he feels fine. Numb, even.

AJ and one of the Jason’s see Victor walking up on crutches while some girl explains the story he fabricated to spare himself having to admit what happened. Tony and Jason laugh at it, she looks confused.

Tony watches Kelli breast feed, then calls some guy at Caesars Palace to book a suite. Said guy sends a plane for Tony implying that he’s probably dropped at least hundreds of thousands of dollars there. Upon arrival, He gambles, loses, repeatedly. No one wins at roulette. Not for nothing, but maybe Tony is just bad at gambling, and he’s usually infinitely lucky. Nowadays, it seems like he’s losing accordingly.

Back in dirty Jers, AJ’s professor lectures about the significance of Wordsworth and his objection to materialism.

Tony lies by the pool at Caesars where all the grade A tail tends to rest, and if you notice in the background, that’s not an embellishment. While I was staying there I got a strong impression that they were hotel employees.

Tony goes to visit a women we’ve never met before. Its an unbelievably gorgeous actress from The L Word, Sarah Shahi. We come to discover her name is Sonya, she offers him a drink after he calls her beautiful in so many words. She tells him about Chris, she seems shocked more so than saddened. She says it’s good that he left something. Tony leaves. She asks how long he’s in Vegas for, He says an undetermined length.

Tony is staying in the same tower I stayed in as well. My trip was more eventful but less enlightening. Someone named Stefano calls nervously about the asbestos, and Tony looks perturbed to be interrupted but puts his mind at ease for the moment.

AJ hangs out on the patio of the Jason’s frat house. When one of the Jasons shows up and opens his door on some oncoming Somalian on a bike. They proceed to beat him down and throw a few racial epithets his way. AJ sort of throws him into the fray as a gut reaction, then looks on in horror as they beat this poor kid for something that was essentially all Jason’s fault.

Shahi is fucking Tony. Hard. And lights up a post-coitus joint. Tony smokes weed for the first time that we have seen, and it doesn’t look fitting. They discuss Chris, and while she claims he said some depressing shit, Tony seems truly sad. Strippers, they have some great intuition.

Tony and Phil argue over the phone subliminally and Butchie giggles after Phil sends fake condolences for Chris’ death. Phil might as well be doing a Jerky Boys routine right now, except for the life and death implications.

AJ, now sullen after the racist beatdown from his newfound friends, is lamenting the state of the world to his shrink. He even drops an, “Why can’t we all just get along?” Damn, that Conflict in the Middle East is really getting to him, some people just aren’t cut out for the rigors of college life, I suppose. I really have no idea which way AJ is going.

Tony takes some peyote with Sonya, then throws up in a toilet (a common side effect) and gazes at the bathroom light, seemingly satisfied.

Cut to the two of them walking through the lobby at Caesars, my friend had an instance like this, walking from Pure to the hotel room, but was projectile vomiting in front of dozens of people fresh off a red-eye and other onlookers.

They eventually get to the casino and tony is enamored with a devil faced slot machine. They get to the roulette table, and Tony claims, “Its the same principle as the solar system”, wins two huge bets in a row, tips the dealer, or whatever the fuck he’s called in roulette, much to the bemusement of Sonya. He hits 24 again, then proclaims, “he’s dead”, then barrels over laughing.

Some men dump the asbestos in a marsh and we here some ducks quacking, so much for Tony’s concern for wildlife. Everyone and everything is expendable to him now, set aside Meadow, most likely AJ and maybe Carmela.

Tony and Sonya chill out on a cliff somewhere on the outskirts of Vegas. Tony sees a sonic flare from the sun and proclaims, “I Get it”. Then screams it out, crying/laughing in amazement. The camera pulls out showing this big, overbearing criminal force and it makes him look astoundingly insignificant, and I fucking love it.

Tomorrow night: Tony and Carmela argue, he breaks out a “poor you”, and tensions with Phil look like they escalate. I don’t really understand what Phil is trying to leave as his legacy or his rationale for it. Apparently he wants to be known as the boss who tormented Tony Soprano. Yeah, that will live in infamy.

If you don’t want to hear me wallow about the writers getting Jim and Pam together, just skip paragraphs 1-3, and 5.

Well, there’s comedy and then there’s drama. This week on The Office comedy certainy took a backseat. And I was kind of expecting it. After last weeks “fireworks” ending, the core audience for this series was going to need some closure. Maybe not necessarily have them going on a date, but reassuring their audience that Jim wasn’t going to be out of town come the season four premiere. Obviously they would get Pam and Jim together even if it didn’t happen last night, it was bound to eventually.

Now comes the question of whether or not I will be able to stomach a storyline that is inevitably going to dominate next season. I think I’m tuckered out from the “cuteness” on the relationship end of things, so hopefully the next four months of their dating will take place off screen, and we won’t be privy to any awkward dinner dates or (fill in the week, month) anniversaries. Part of me is glad they are now dating, at least to end the pushing and pulling between the two of them. And amazingly enough I still trust the writers to not burden us with every excruciatingly minute detail of their relationship like Ross and Rachel, but since they are two of the three leads, their relationship will be integral to virtually every episode; even if there is still plenty to enjoy.

(Note: this series has almost turned into Friends, but their larger cast affords them hilarious moments that Friends never did. Sure, there was always a side story to leave hapless boyfriends in denial over just how whipped they really were, but Ross and Rachel, in their hayday, and numerous times afterwards, probably ate up fifteen minutes out of every twenty-two that the writers had available. Whereas I think they can keep Jim and Pam down around five to eight, and obviously this will fluctuate, but on average.)

And the episode did have its moments involving these crazy kids. The yogurt lid callback to “Office Olympics” was clever, Pam confronting Karen was intriguing, and Pam’s interview towards the end didn’t quite melt my ice-cold heart, but definitely took a blow-dryer to it. Eight more hours of her smiling gleefully might put me in a coma. And regardless of what I think about the direction the series is taking, Jenna Fischer and Jim Krasinski played these roles impeccably. Jim was obviously non-verbally conflicted and as mentioned before but warrants mentioning again, Pam’s elation in her camera interview was resonant, I’m sure plenty satisfying for the “shippers”.

Who knows? Maybe come the start of next season, I’ll get lucky and the two of them will have bitterly parted ways, leading both of them to resent each others presence in the office. Then we can get back to comedy for the sake of comedy. Because right now it’s a dramedy, relying heavily on dramatic. I guess the market just seems flooded for this brand of storytelling, and that culminates my frustration with this series taking a similar route. Women already have Desperate Housewives, Scrubs, Grey’s Anatomy; you know what? I can’t list every single show that offers romantic platitudes, we’ll just say it hovers around 30% of all scripted primetime series.

Anyways, now that I’m done bitching, there were some definite highlights. Dwights subsequent power trip to Michael giving him the regional manager position was fitting, if predictable. This is the second time Michael has given Dwight his dream job and pulled it away the same afternoon. His turning off Michael’s radio then slapping his name on the office door all in one motion embodied the great physical humor that often goes overlooked on this show. Painting his office black to gain respect through intimidation and making Andy his henchman (”Look at me now”) paid dividends. For a good while I was hoping Michael would stay at corporate.

Speaking of Michael, there was little surprising here. His ex-girlfriend takes a leave of absence, comes back, tries to reason with him on an emotional level, realizes he’s not receptive, then breaks out her fake tits for his complacency. Naturally Michael, ever the one track mind, agrees to reconcile. And virtually every minuite of it was hysterical. I’m not sure iof I needed to see Jan’s breakdown after she was fired, but Steve Carrell played this part astoundingly with his uncertainty, or should I say, misguided certainty.

And Ryan getting the corporate position. A lot of people probably think this is too much of a leap of faith for the audience to take. While I might agree, they either have to hire someone (Dundler Mifflin and the show) unknown, or promote someone from the Scranton Branch. Michael cost himself the position with his loose lips, Jim turned it down for Pam and Rashida Jones is doing a Farrelly Brothers project so they can’t give it to Karen; the only option is to hire someone in house. And I guess Dwight ruined his chances with the CFO’s uninvited house inspection in “Cocktails”, and Andy’s history of aggressive behavior eliminates him from consideration, why not take the young buck with an MBA from whatever university they have in Scranton?

Based on the Ed Helms characterization of the boorish office worker I would like to see them bring in another actor, permanently or otherwise. But giving Ryan authority over the Scranton branch opens up the doors for a lot of comedic potential. Honestly, he might be more power huingry than Dwight. If not, he’s definitely more vindictive. Michael and Dwight could experience some backlash to all the dismissiveness they have regarded from “temp”.

Some choice lines:

Dwight: You get one Schrute Buck.
Stanely: I don’t want it.
Dwight: Then I’m deducting fifty Schrute Bucks.
Stanley: Deduct a hundred, I don’t care.
Dwight: Why don’t you want a Schrute Buck?
Stanley: I’ll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What’s the ratio of a Stanley nickel to a Schrute Buck?
Stanley: The same ratio as unicorns to leperchauns.
(This might be my favorite exchange of the entire series. Stanley, indifferently doing a crossword puzzle, turns Dwight from an authoritarian leader into the inquisitive, unworthy hire that he is, almost effortlessly)

“Nobody, we’re through” -Ryan, breaking up with Kelly. I wouldn’t find this so humorous if I didn’t already know so many people like Kelly that generally annoy me.

Jan: I’ve been trying to call you and all I keep getting is voicemail.
Michael: Really? I didn’t get either of your messages.
-Michael completely selling his discretion.

Creed: Go to my website, www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts.
Ryan: Creed asked me to set up a webpage for him. So I opened up a Word document and put a web address at the top to save the world from Creed’s head…Even for the internet, it’s pretty distrubing stuff.
-Ryan and Creed explaining his website.

Dwight: Every five dollars in Schrute Bucks earns you a five minutes longer on your lunch break.
Random employee: How much is Schrute Buck?
Dwight: One hundreth of a penny!
-Dwight, laying out the groundwork for his new reign.

“Can you leave a message for Jan, tell her ‘I want to squeeze them’…It’s code, she’ll know what it means.” -Michael, leaving a message with her tormented assistant, Hunter.

This is why we’ll continue to watch this series, despite our displeasure with a good chunk of it. Hopefully everything either goes smoothly with Jim and Pam so we aren’t overwhelmed with their relationship drama, or their entire relationship is over before next season picks up. And if it doesn’t, oh well. It’;s still the best comedy on any of the four major networks.

Back later today/tomorrow afternoon with a Sopranos recap.

We are really running low on topics here, people. We are down to three series we consider appointment television here at Grid Effect, and one of them is The Office, which has its season finale tonight. After that we’re down to three episodes of The Sopranos and Entourage before we’re officially out of material.

Oh, I know. We usually keep it fairly light-hearted round these parts, but since last Sunday’s episode of The Sopranos was overloaded with more symbolism and subtext about human nature and the American experiment than any other episode since “The Test Dream”, why don’t we go over some metaphorical references that are at the heart of the series?

(Note: If your primary concern is who killed who then this post will bore you to tears. Also, it goes without saying: indicting spoilers)

1) Comfortably Numb: For the second week in a row, the Pink Floyd track has been referenced in the series. Last week with Tony lugging down the steps in the morning to find his depressed son watching cartoons and this week Chris played the Van Morrison cover on The Departed soundtrack. Nevermind the irony of Chris referring to the album of a film about the police infiltrating organized crime as “killer”, I cannot think of a better state of mind to describe Tony with than comfortably numb, particularly by episode’s end.

Tony said he turned, what? 47, in “Sopranos Home Movies”. And in “Remember When” he claimed to have killed Willie Overall when he was twenty-two. That’s a solid quarter-century of maiming and murdering. The body count on Tony, for murders that he either ordered or carried out himself has to be through the roof right? Even if he is responsible for only one a year (we know this is a gross underestimate), that’s twenty-five lives burdening his conscious. Really, what else could he be other than numb? And considering it’s either part of his genetic makeup or he has been conditioned (or both) to be a soulless, degenerate sociopath, he’s comfortable with it. Comfortably numb is an apt description for the bulk of the characters on the series, actually.

2) The Babyseat: Tony seemingly used the shattered babyseat as a sort of moral justification for murdering his nephew. The thing about Tony is, he never needed any moral quotient or outside approval to murder anyone before, and I don’t think this is any exception. Him trying to invoke the babyseat into every conversation with anyone who’ll listen wasn’t an example of him seeking approval for executing Chris, it was Tony attempting to convince himself that he still has a degree of ethics, that his intentions are not always selfish, that indeed he is sometimes selfless. Which we know is bullshit, but when you’re pure evil, its hard to be honest with yourself. Him saying, “See, see, its a good thing he’s dead, he was an endangerment to his child” is just Tony pretending he had motives for what he did/does/has done other than self-preservation.

3) “I get it!”: And yes, he said “I get it”, not “I did it”. He already claimed “he’s dead” in the casino, and for a man with an infinite amount of secrets, this is the closest he has ever come to any sort of non-theraputic confession. Peyote is a helluva drug, apparently.

The significance behind this revelation is that he doesn’t need to adhere to any sort of moral criticism. His “getting it” is that he’s going to hell anyways, so he might as well do everything he can to keep himself alive. When he was shot, and in that coma induced dream/metaphysical experience, he believed he visited hell As he said to Hal Holbrooks character, “I went some place…And I don’t want to go back”. In previous episodes, he’s contemplated killing Paulie, Bobby, and only carried out the murdering of Chris because the opportunity presented itself.

Now, in a chemical induced epiphany, he’s decided relentlessness is his only chance of prolonging the inevitable. He realizes he’s going to hell, and his trepidation about it is going to result in either mass carnage (New Jersey, New York, it doesn’t really matter so much as it keeps him tickin’) or pandering to those who are a threat to his survival. And since he realizes his lifestyle for the last twenty-five years has taken him past the point of redemption, and his ego is so much that he’s incapable of humoring his enemies, I am fully expecting the former. A true narcissist. Tony Soprano is one of the few people wherein the more murders he commits, the more likely he is too avoid incarceration. Paulie, Silvio, Phil, are much greater threats to his life and freedom alive than they are dead. In their last conversation, Chris suggests Tony give Phil the 25% he wants for dumping asbesstos on his property. “Life’s too short” is his rationale. Tony’s response (paraphrasing), “Its too short to be a fucking lacky, too.” Doesn’t sound like the, “everyday is a gift” jargon that we heard immediately post-coma. The pointlessness of change is a major theme in this series and something I could write a fucking book on.

But this is all vintage Chase, I cannot conceive a more cynical outlook on humanity than the one he portrays on this series. I’ll discuss the significance of Kennedy and Heidi in tomorrows recap, but it only further expresses it. In fact, there is so much more symbolism that deserves to be at least noted and I’ll try to get to most of it tomorrow in the recap. I just thought these were some major philosophical points that deserved their own post, as they are so brilliantly conveyed.

So, any other theories? Dissecting this series works much better with a multitude of voices. Am I going wrong anywhere? I haven’t even touched on AJ in this episode, anyone actually predicting a positive outcome for this kid? Feel free to discuss in the comments.

Here’s an extended links to compensate for the day hiatus. Enjoy.

The Survivor: Fiji finale fell 27% in ratings from last year. I get the impression this show doesn’t have more than a couple more seasons in it. CBS’s expectations are too high. Burnett can always take this to NBC.

Speaking of NBC, here’s the Entertainment President’s approach to programming. I like it. To compare and contrast, this is ABC’s new fall lineup. And it reminds me why I only watch three shows on the four major networks.

George Lopez completely misses the point and demonstrates why mainstream America cannot stand entertainers having any influence in politics, social or otherwise. Well done, Mr. Lopez. I’m not going to claim to have ever watched the series, but if it was any good, then he’s just another example of quality programs getting chopped down to make way for a potential ratings blitz. In this case, he was cancelled for a series spun from the Geico Caveman commericals. It’s unfortunate, but a bi-product of the industry.

Seinfeld is returning to NBC. Not the series, the actual person. Essentially Jerry is pimping his new Dreamworks project, Bee Movie, with a series of mini episodes that take the audience behind the scenes. So does every comedian who has kids feel compelled to pander to them at some point with their material? And has this always been the situation or is this a recent phenomena?

Sunday’s episode of Entourage was written for the purposes of getting Drama some Emmy recognition. At least they chose the right actor, you could right the next Citizen Kane for any of the other three and they would manage to botch it.

Friday Night Lights has been moved to, surprise, Friday nights. At 10pm. What is this? Ghost Whisperer? I’m not going to complain, since given its pedestrian ratings it was lucky to get renewed at all. But moving it to Friday nights isn’t going to help matters. Even I’m not going to watch it on its original air date, clearly it’s getting moved up to a Saturday afternoon viewing. The silver lining here is being on a weekend night, expectations are diminished. So if it scores on Friday what it was scoring on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, it should be safe. But still, If it lasts the entire second season I would be surprised.

Well, this is a new low. I feel like I say that every week inn the links, but television and the people involed in it always manage to set that bar a little lower. In a couple years, hedonistic rituals are going to be dominating the airwaves.

Yul Kwon, the celebrated winner of Survivor: Cook Islands has been hired as a correspondent for CNN. See, reality contestants, if you approach the shows you appear on with a semblance of decency, you can parlay the appearance into something more tangible.

Scrubs is staring down the barrel of its final season. I’ve never watched the show, at least not regularly. From what I saw it seemed to be geared more towards a female audience. But from what I’ve seen and heard, the show had fallen off a bit.

And finally, Chris Albrecht, The now former president of HBO who oversaw every project the pay cable network is known for, was arrested on charges of battery. The network seems to be in a downward spiral. Even with several new series’ set for debut, with The Sopranos going off the air and now this, it looks like Showtime is surpassing it as the go to network for original programming. They still have one more season of The Wire and Curb Your Enthusiasm left, and there is no indication of Entourage going off the air; but none of these series match The Sopranos in notoriety. It’s going to be an uphill battle come June.

Since Sunday’s finale combined with the reunion reached three hours in length, I’m not going to do a play-by-play. This decision is for a couple reasons. One, it’s three hours long. Two, outside of a small percentage of the evening, much of it was fairly predictable. Mainly I want to discuss the Dreamz-Yau Man conundrum and the vapid bitterness that plagued the majority of the incoherent jury.

Yau won the seasonal maze challenge in the final five, leaving Boo the odd man out between himself, Yau, Dreamz, Earl and Cassandra. His ouster was predictable (though if he Yau had not won immunity, based on later events he might have been booted) and uneventful.

It wasn’t until the final four that things got interesting. The reward challenge was one of endurance and brute strength. The contestants were placed on these longated wooden boards hanging over a small pool of water, after every five minutes they increased the angle on of the board making it more difficult for the contestants to hold onto the bar placed directly above their heads. In addition, the contestants were being waterboarded, kind of.

If you were expecting suspense, you got it. The last two contestants hanging were Dreamz and Yau-Man. Yau was constantly glancing over at Dreamz for a look of reassurance like, “So, its all settled right?… This is all moot… Why the fuck are we still hanging in this misery? You insincere fuck.” All the while Yau is squirming to hang tight while Dreamz is uneffected. Eventually, Yau falls so now Dreamz has to contemplate whether he’s going to own up to his end of the agreement: car for potential immunity.

One thing that’s lost on me with this issue, is I thought since Probst oversaw the agreement (narrating and confirming the terms after Yau had won), that it was vrbally binding. I suppose that wouldn’t produce as much drama if they took the decision out of the hands of the players, but shouldn’t Yau have some sort of insurance for such a tentative deal? Apparently not.

For about the next twenty minutes we are privy to Dreamz pontificating about how honorable he is, and being so as a result of his kids. Which, I have been supporting his success in this game, but does he really strike anyone as a stable father figure? Kids raising kids, kid. I feel like I’m watching the fourth season of The Wire all over again.

There is also the ceremonial practice of collecting long wooden planks that represent each eliminated contestant up until this point. It is unbearably long, as the scene always is. I never time it, so I cannot figure out if it is actually as long as it seems, or if my patience for sentimental reflection on people they were momentarily acquainted with (very few exceptions) is extremely short.

By the time we get to Tribal Council my interest has almost diminished after an hour or so of senseless cannon fodder. For the most part, Yau-Man and Dreamz get a Probst probe on their deal. Dreamz, still fairly defiant that he will give Yau immunity, but you can see him wavering a little bit. Yau looks skeptical, but doesn’t make much of an effort to persuade Dreamz. He is putting way too much good faith in someone who has voted off alliance members just because the mood struck him.

Dreamz contemplates…and contemplates…and contemplates…and opts to keep it. Mainly because he knows he’s going home should he give it up (he uses the rationale that he didn’t know it would be a three person final, but its cheap, tacky, irrelevant and comes off as such). And while it seems like one of the more immoral reality television moves I/you/we have ever seen, he was in something of a lose/lose situation. Especially as it pertains to public perception. If he hands over the idol he’s an idiot if he holds onto it he’s a scumbag. He opted for the latter. And while I would like too think he would demonstrate some honorability here (because he didn’t have a prayer of winning after withholding immunity), I am not surprised he didn’t. This is sort of the natural extension of what Jonathan was explaining at the end of last season: “It’s a game, there are no bad guys in Monopoly”.

The subsequent vote was probably more surprising than Dreamz’s decision to renege on their deal. Because I assumed Cassandra was a goner, or at least a tie was going to be forced. Never did I think Earl would vote for Yau, sending him home with a 3-1 vote. The three of them must have had an agreement to vote out Yau-Man because they believed him to be a lock to win the million should he go to the jury vote.

Cassandra, Dreamz and Earl reminisce on the last day at camp, while Dreamz is in denial over his inevitable guilt.

At the jury vote, things don’t really get interesting so much as they get disgusting. Michelle is sweet, and asks level-headed questions that pertain to their experience. Yau-Man, ever the dignitarian, is zen like in his approach, telling Dreamz that he shouldn’t have relied on him and that Dreamz didn’t make the mistake, he did…I think Dreamz might end up killing himself after this is all said and done. It’s one thing if you screw over Lisi or Stacy or Rocky or Alex or anyone of the like; their inherently dislikable people and no one really cares what you do to them (at least in the context of a reality show competition). But when you directly target someone of such respectability and later regret it; it stings.

Stacy simply asks Earl why she shouldn’t cast her vote out of need. He claims that they all need/could use a million dollars. Its a bullshit answer but the only plausible one considering the corner she talked him into.

Short of these three, everyone acts like a vindictive little prick. Some ask simple yet embittered questions, most of which are inconsequential. However, Lisi, Alex and Boo really tip the scales here. Boo is the least of it, but his religion oriented inquisition of Dreamz was pretty unnerving. Watching it, you get the impression that they discussed their shared faith at some point over the course of the season (I am guessing that faith is christianity, but I could be mistaken*). Like many others, however, I get a little uncomfortable when religion is intertwined with something as expendable as a reality show. And if it was something they had discussed in the past and Boo in some way feels betrayed as a result of this perceived shared faith, it would almost be plausible. But his rapture like intensity is what’s most disturbing. I was half-expecting him to break into Jules’ Winnfield mode and begin reciting scripture.

Lisi is just an awful human being. At least Stacy makes a concerted effort to veil her ugliness, Lisi is completely shameless. First, she gets up and drills Cassandra about her shoes. Apparently Lisi sees them as symbolic of Cassandra’s poor play and her unworthiness of being in the final three. Cassandra and I are perplexed. Neither of us know what the hell she is talking about.

Then she goes after Dreamz in one of the most shallow and misinformed approaches possible. Apparently Lisi, unlike the majority of humanity, is contemptuous of Dreamz’s past homeslessness as opposed to sympathetic to it. She mocks his supposedly poor education and intelligence when she asks, “How many zeroes are there in a million?” When Dreamz flatly answers, “six”, she looks over at the rest of the jury, flummoxed. And I really couldn’t tell if she’s feigning surprise because she thinks Dreamz is an idiot or she thought six wasn’t the right answer. Apparently Dreamz throught the former (though I’m unconvinced) and responds, “what do you think I’m an idiot?” Her attack on Earl is much less hostile, but still ugly and in no way redeeming.

Then Alex. Wow, was this unfortunate. You may or may not have heard about his recent legal troubles, but let me just assure you that his berating of Cassandra ceertainly didn’t speak to his innocence. (I am not sure why, but Cassandra took a verbal beating during this Q & A. I guess it is either for being useless or riding coattails, but I am not sure why it is taken so personally). First he asks a question, then when she attempts to explain herself he overwhelms her with incessant screaming for her to “Stop Talking”. It is somewhat counter intuitive and Cassandra is too meek to stand up for herself. To say it’s disturbing doesn’t really do it justice.

Anyway, we go to the vote, they don’t show any of them… and then we segue with that awesome transition* from TC to the Ed Sullivan Theater. Jeff gets right to it and since it is so obvious, I am going to just tell you that Probst reads Earl’s name five straight times, meaning he wins. And then announces that Earl won in a unanimous vote. A Survivor first.

At the reunion, Rocky and Anthony is discussed, so is Gary, who if you cannot recall had to leave for medical reasons. Apparently to commemorate the experience he chose to get a gaudy tattoo on his left bicep of the the Survivor logo. Obviously the Dreamz-Yau Man deal dominates the conversation, Dreamz remains defiant that he never planned to concede immunity to Yau, and there are a few scattered “boo”’s amongst the audience.

In short, the reunion was pretty tame. If there’s something you found interesting that you want to discuss, then voice your displeasure in the comments section.

Next season takes place in China: a cold weather climate. For obvious reasons this is the first major US television series to be shot in the country in a long time (if not ever). Frankly, if I don’t see someone get taken out with a blow dart I am going to consider the season a disappointment.

Back tomorrow with the links.

*=Blatant sarcasm

We thoroughly enjoyed last night’s episode here at Grid Effect. But it was just so expendable compared to the other television that was in full force last night. Never the less, it seems that any episode revolving around showbiz has me fixated, even if I believe the drama is somewhat underwhelming.

Kevin Dillon definitely stole the spotlight last night in his psuedo-tragic/comedic tale of a struggling, poorly received actor. Johnny Drama has finally caught a break, and it was painfully obvious that while the series was dissected critically, it would be welcomed commercially and provide NBC with a much needed hit (Note: they said Drama’s fictional series “Five Towns” scored close to seventeen million viewers. This is almost twice as much as NBC lands for any of its primetime series’). His drive to the Grand Canyon did seem somewhat cryptic, he was so devastated by the reviews one would think he contemplated pulling a Thelma & Louise (And what are the odds this wasn’t coordinated with The Sopranos episode that concluded with Tony cheering over the end of a cliff in a peyote induced trance in Nevada? Like 10,000,000 to 1?)

A phrase that seemed to be repeated many times in regard to the abismal ratings of “Five Towns” was “fuck the critics”. This seemed to be not-so-subtly directed at the TV critics who regularly criticize this series for its simplistic, debased portrait of the proverbial male fantasy. I cannot understand how this series invokes such strong convictions from people. It seems to be just a campy show about hollywood for the 18-34 male demographic. As far as I know it has never claimed to be anything else. And why would the writers on Entourage take it personally?

On the film side of things, Ari’s shameless desperation to get back into Vince’s good graces simply illustrated why I thought Amanda walking out on her client was so improbable. Agent’s are, by nature, shameless. They don’t take moral stances when they are partially at fault. Its like a social tax one must pay for working strictly on commission. Simply put, there isn’t a chance she is passing up $600,000 a picture to “put Vince in his place”. I, much like any rational soul watching this series, wants to see Vince get his commeupence at some point, but this was just contrived and unfounded.

You compare her attitude to Ari’s, who has now gone from attempting to manipulate Vince’s career to assisting him into producing his own film, despite the most certain financial consequences. I enjoyed seeing the artistic concern on the part of Vince and Eric, despite how pompous the two of them were about it. Particularly Eric, who the hell is he to be making demands? Why should either of them feel entitled to anything? I know I have advocated for Ari reuniting with Vince & Co., but part of me was hoping Ari would tell them to go share a bed with Josh Weinstein and fuck off. But alas, this show is an idyllic depiction of a up and coming actor, that portrays the actor extremely favorably, so we got what we got.

For the first time since Saigon was around, Turtle got his own storyline. The only time we’ve seen him show any interest in any relationship interest in any girl is (questionably) with Shauna’s assistant (where the hell has she been?), and he was prudently rejected. Now with Rufus’ daughter (The same guy who sold them there home entertainment system in “Talk Show”, then reinstalled it in season two’s “Oh, Mandy”. Apparently he has his hand in multiple investments because he was running a body shop last night) they share a common interest in “sneakers”. I still maintain that Turtle would make a better manager than Eric, and this episode only helped solidify that position. Did you see how collected he was when Rufus forced him into hitting on his daughter while he stood in observation? Eric would have been traumatized and asked for Ari’s therapist’s number. Like night and day, those two.

All in all, a stellar episode. I am more interested in Drama’s arc at this point than I am in Vince’s (though part of me wants to see how they depict the process of getting a film off the ground) and Ari should be priceless in these last three episodes, Debi Mazar will probably also come back into the fray as they look to put a good public face on this new venture.

We’ll be back tomorrow with a Survivor finale/reunion recap.

I am a little back loaded with television right now. Last night we were privy to three hours of Survivor (the finale and reunion show), a Sopranos hour chock full of subtext and symbolism; and a new Entourage episode, which was decent but relative to what it was airing next to, the best classification for it would be yawn inducing. And this didn’t even account for the Warriors-Jazz game that put all of these shows on the backburner.

So yes, I was up until about 4am watching television. I am suffering the consequences right now. Between the tiredness, the distorted vision and the famine; I am going to need a couple hours and a Mountain Dew (Fuck Coffee) before I can write a coherent or clever synopsis of anything. If I’m not face down on my keyboard in the next twenty minutes I would consider it a minor miracle.

So I’ll gather my thoughts and my second wind, if you’re looking for reading material on any of last nights riveting television, Entertainment Weekly always has follow up pieces, and slate.com does a Sopranos email exchange between two people that have had brief run ins and accidental dalliances with La Cosa Nostra. Oh, and Brian Williams pitched in last week (it was difficult to read his emails without them echoing like news headlines in my head) for an unabashed “celebrity” cameo.

Anyways, I am getting entirely off track here. Sometime in the next three to four hours I should have an Entourage recap posted, check back around then.