Grid Effect

Both my love for Naismith’s game and the outlet 451 Press has afforded me led to the decision to attempt a running diary of tonight’s NBA draft. I understand this is a television blog and I mainly discuss television series’, so it is also understood that the connection is tentative at best and definitely out of the ordinary. But screw it, this isn’t a democracy and I am only so interested in appeasement. This draft is loaded and I am watching it regardless, so just skip this post if you’re a hockey fan.

7:30- Welcome to the most anticipated NBA draft in a quarter of a century, given the circumstances, I’m sure nothing will go wrong or be retroactively funny. We’re going to play it by ear and see if we can extend this into through the second round or ends at the first. We love the game, but when it comes to second round draft picks, our relationship status is best described as open.

7:32- David Stern welcomes us and gives a free plug for the WNBA but is also non-threatening, so we consider this a successful introduction. I’m used to being scared shitless of Stern.

7:33- We get a good look at the Portland Trailblazers war room. Apparently it takes a brain trust of about a dozen guys to determine that drafting the best post-prospect in twenty five years is a good idea.

7:36- The Blazers do what they should and take Oden, he hugs a woman who’s presumably his mother, Durant looks as one would expect: unsurprised.

7:38- We get a montage of Oden overwhelming college post players in the paint, it is glorious.

7:39- Oden is interviewed by our favorite reporter with a lazy-eye, Stuart Scott. It is already outdated to crack jokes about how old Oden looks, but his demeanor only exceeds his geriatric appearance in maturity. He’s affable and even self-deprecating and clearly I’m immensely biased. In short, this interview just makes Kevin Pritchard feel better about the non-decision to draft him.

7:41- We get word that Boston will trade their five pick, Delonte West and Szczerbiak (sp?) for Ray Allen, if this actually goes through I have to believe that Danny Ainge is somewhat masochistic. But if they need to acquire someone to keep Pierce like the aging two-guard demanded, then I guess they have no choice. Still, I don’t know if a 32 year-old set shooter is the answer for pissing away the #5 pick in a loaded draft.

7:42- Durant is taken by the Sonics, but breaks his leg standing up to approach the stage. Seriously this cat reminds me of Mr Glass. Still, it goes without saying that Durant was the obvious choice, but Seattle isn’t doing him any favors with the aforementioned trade news. Methinks Yi is going to occupy that fifth pick now.

7:45- Stuart Scott decided to make everyone uncomfortable by asking Durant about his inability to bench 185 lbs even once, Durant brushes it off with the knowledge that he just officially becoming a millionaire.

7:48- Horford is taken 3rd overall by The Hawks. He’s a forward, and the fifth straight first round forward the Hawks have taken in the draft. His dad causes a scene waving a Portuguese flag. His former teammate at Florida, Corey Brewer, actually looks happy for him. Speaks to the degree of success they experienced while in Gainesville.

7:51- Horford does the routine interview with Scott. He concludes it with saying their was a group of Gator fans called the “Horford hotties”, but doesn’t include any details to how initiation is conducted.

7:52- Mike Conley is drafted by the Grizzlies, making him the second Buckeye and third player from the title game. He swears he can play without Oden, which he hasn’t had to do for the past ten years, so naturally everyone is curious to the legitimacy of his claim. They show clips of his father/agent dunking from the free throw line and scenes from He Got Game are dancing in my head.

7:57- Boston selects Jeff Green who’s immediately going to Seattle in the Allen deal. The Sonics will be lethal in about five years. For the upcoming season however, they should be demoted to the eastern conference, where they would probably make the playoffs. But multiple versatile players between Green, Durant and Rashard Lewis (assuming he changes that adamant position that he wants to leave) and a town who couldn’t give a fuck less combines for a great acquisition for basketball fans in Oklahoma City.

7:59- Green points out a fantastically hilarious double entendre in that his NBA jersey will be green, and the color also serves as his last name. Apparently he knows he is going to Seattle, because Scott makes a crack about Starbucks and Green offers no reaction. I guess I couldn’t expect Jeff Green or Stuart Scott to make me laugh any more than I could expect Jon Stewart to be able to dunk a basketball.

8:04- The Milwaukee Bucks have taken Yi Jianlian, despite the fact the Chinese Government has warned the NBA about sending any of their players to a city with a limited Chinese population (i.e., they want him in a major market on the either coast). I’m assuming he is trade bait. God, I’m praying he does the interview with Scott.

8:06- There is a dearth of foreign players this year, Tirico and Andy Katz are visibly upset that the American public will be familiar with most of the people drafted.

8:07- Yes! we get an interview, Scott asks him why he thinks he’s ready for the pro game. He essentially says because he is ready, but with broken English, so it isn’t much different than your typical draftee interview (I kid, I kid). Apparently he has been here for a couple years, attends film premieres and goes to clubs. Tirico calls him “Americanized”, which I’m sure the Chinese love. Considering they were prepared to drag Yao Ming out of here for far less frivolous reasons than going clubbing, they’re probably ecstatic that he already leads a life resembling that of a cast member on The Hills.

8:10- Stephen A. Smith is going ape shit over the owner of The Bucks not seeing Yi for himself. It’s what us NBA fans have come to expect from the abrasively annoying commentator.

8:12- Minnesota Timberwolves select Corey Brewer, who I think is handily the third best player in this draft. This guy is an absolute beast: 6′9, can go left, can go right, can knock down the three and plays the best perimeter defense of anyone coming out of the draft. The consummate professional. Joakim Noah is wearing a bow tie, probably just to draw attention to his attention drawing freakish mug.

8:14- Brewer gives the dullest interview of the pack so far, which is saying something. But he can be as dull as he want if he carries the downtrodden T-Wolves into the playoffs at some point. They should be trying to acquire draft picks with Garnett if he’s so staunch in his (long overdue) trade demands. But the ironic part is, Brewer will be the best teammate he has had since Sprewell and Cassell skipped town. Never the less, as good as Brewer is, the two of them can’t make a playoff run in the overloaded west.

8:17- Mike Tirico decides to twist the knife in the collective hearts of Knicks fans by reminding them all that the ninth pick would be going to them had they not traded it to The Bulls for an over-compensated Eddie Curry.

8:18- The Charlotte Bobcats take another North Carolina Tarheel in Brandan Wright, the lengthy, sometimes disinterested freshman forward. Bilas thinks he is a steal, and as far as talent goes he is a top three candidate, but if he didn’t want to utilize his potential in college, once he is swimming in a pool of gold coins like uncle Scrooge he isn’t going to be anymore motivated.

8:21- In the Stuart Scott interview it says in the caption that he was three time Mr. Basketball in Tennessee, which is a daunting accomplishment and sort of indicates his talent. He also said Michael Jordan, the GM of The Bobcats, doesn’t want any of him in one on one. Probably not that intimidating with the braces and all.

8:23- Spike Lee is at the draft again, and you have to admire his loyalty. I wonder if the Knicks continue at this pace will he jump ship when The Nets move to Brooklyn.

8:24- Chicago takes Joakim Noah, which I do not understand. They already have three other above average defensive big men with no offensive credentials, why take a fourth? Did they see the Mavs-Warriors series? Remember, when the 8th seeded Warriors beat the #1 seeded Mavericks in the playoffs because Dallas couldn’t counter their fast paced offense with any interior offense? Yeah, that’s what they’re setting themselves up for. Maybe they are looking to unload that unwarranted Ben Wallace contract.

8:28- One thing I like about Joakim Noah is when he is asked a question, he gives a real answer, as opposed to the inarticulate, textbook jock response. He does so a couple times in his Stuart Scott interview.

8:30- I like these NBA Live ‘08 commercials with Arenas and Durant, especially when Arenas refers to himself as “Hibachi”. I knew a guy who used to say “cookies” any time he converted a basket, though I think referring to yourself as cookies probably isn’t deemed terribly cool in most social circles.

8:32- The Sacramento Kings select Spencer Hawes out of Washington with the tenth overall pick (in case you weren’t keeping track). Sacramento is either looking to get worse and sabotage the team for whoever buys them from the Maloofs, or they think this is a legitimate choice and they are looking to rebuild with a long term project. Jay Bilas does all he can to make this sound like a wise decision, but then says he cannot rebound and is a poor athlete (relatively speaking). Man, he must feel like a pariah at this, not only is he the first white player taken but he also has a “God Bless George Bush” bumper sticker. Umm, does he realize he is in Manhattan?

8:35- John Paxson is talking up the Noah pick, if I was them I would have traded down and gotten Hawes or Julian Wright. Even Stephen A. doesn’t like the pick. He does bring a certain energy that none of the current workman like Bulls provide, but he is yet another offensive liability in the post on a team already loaded with them.

8:38- The Hawks take Acie Law IV, the senior point guard out of Texas A&M with the eleventh pick. The Hawks are notorious for passing on quality point guards for swing forwards. They probably wanted to take Conley with the third pick but couldn’t pass on Horford. It’s a tough position, but at least Tyrone Lue isn’t the best option anymore.

8:41- Apparently, and this is not surprising, A&M didn’t win a conference game Acie’s freshman year. He explains perseverance as the reason for his ascension into the lottery. No shit. Also, he’s a (the?) nephew of Ernie Banks.

8:42- The Philadelphia Sixers have the twelfth pick as a result of being the only hopeless team in 2007 not to tank the season to improve their standing in the lottery. In fact they finished their season 17-9 and were 30-28 after trading Allen Iverson. The winning record might be attributed to rest of their division tanking, but is respectable none the less. What do they get for their nobility…

8:46- Why, Thaddeus Young of course. The freshman forward from Georgia Tech. A streak shooter with a penchant for going soft under the glass, but is the quintessential athlete. He had a 4.3 GPA (do some universities go on a 5.0 scale?) and was in NHS. I imagine that is a lonely wagon he is on at this event.

8:52- Billy King, the universally mocked NBA GM formerly with Philly, now with Atlanta, justifies the Acie Law pick while looking like he is on his way to a party with Marion Barry.

8:53- The New Orleans Hornets take Julian Wright, the forward from Kansas. Dick Vitale likes him, but doesn’t miss an opportunity to trash him compared to Al Thronton. If in the middle of the season you had said Thaddeus Young would be drafted ahead of Julian Wright, you would have been laughed out of whatever particular venue you were in.

8:56- Julian Wright is already thinking about his broadcast career. Way to keep your eye on the tiger there, Julian. Clearly he has his priorities straight. Also Stephen A. Smith is his favorite on air personality, that could be a warning flag for The Hornets, as SAS is somewhat contemptuous and confrontational.

8:59- The LA Clippers take Al Thornton, the twenty-four year old forward out of Florida State. Keep in mind this cat is about three years older than anyone else being drafted. And older than some of the best players in the league, so you are getting him pretty close to his peak. But he is the proverbial scorer. Sounds good, right? Well, not if you already have Corey Maggette and Tim Thomas.

9:01- Even if I didn’t know anything about Al Thornton, it’s pretty discernible that he is light years ahead of the previous thirteen picks. Just in his calm demeanor, his tone of voice, his responses… yeah, he’s an adult. The rest are still adolescents, at least in mindset.

9:05- Detroit Pistons, the loosest definition of “dynasty” I have ever heard of, take Rodney Stuckey our of Eastern Washington with the fifteenth pick. This is their first of two opening round picks. I didn’t watch EWU play a game this year, so I’m not even going to pretend like I know anything about him.

9:08- Stuart Scott interviews him, and it is hard to believe grades were an issue. He seems grounded and bright enough, maybe Washington (his first school he was kicked out of for poor marks) doesn’t assist students academically like everyone else.

9:10- Washington Wizards, who seem like the most obscure team in the league, take Nick Young out of USC with the pick. Call me crazy, but with Brendan Haywood and Etan Thomas occupying the paint for them, I probably would have went big. Never the less, this guy is inarguably a beast. Stephen A. Smith just repeated me verbatim.

9:12- Stuart Scott keeps bringing up the fact his brother died while growing up. I’m sure he appreciates you slaughtering his high, Stewie. Fucking idiot. Why don’t you just call my mother a fat pig while you are at it?

9:15- There has been a trade agreed to in principal between the Knicks and Blazers, in which Portland would take Steve Francis and Channing Frye (meh) for Dan Dickau, Zach Randolph and Fred Jones. Wait, what? Well Spike Lee approves, as well he should. Portland could have given up the same thing and gotten a top fifteen pick. I understand they want to get away from the whole “Jailblazers” reputation from the late 90’s early 2000’s, but they are giving up a 20-10 guy for virtually nothing. And in the East? 20-10 out west usually means 28-13 in the east. Stephen A. is yelling at us.

9:19- Sean Williams from Boston College is drafted by the Nets with the 17th pick. He was kicked out of school for “multiple rule violations” and was forced into rehab. They do not have to disclose his infractions because it is a private school, which is an additive perk to attending a school without state funds. You can kill someone, have the school cover it up and be disciplined in house, then be gainfully employed by the NBA. The American dream, no?

9:22- Golden State has the 18th pick, and takes Marco Belinelli, the 21 year old Italian who plays in a league supposedly better than the NCAA. He has been a professional since he was sixteen and looks like one of the Jason’s from the second season of The Sopranos.

9:24- The Los Angeles Lakers are primarily concerned with easing Kobe Bryants competitive pain, not sure if that can happen with the 19th pick. Jim Gray, everyone’s favorite invasive live television personality, summarizes the dire state of the storied franchise. According to Rick Bucher they are looking to trade Andrew Bynum and some baggage to Indiana for Jermaine O’Neal. Something of a lateral move if you ask me. It’s like giving up Jason Campbell for Steve McNair, if the NFL is more your thing.

9:29- The Lakers take Javaris Crittenton from Georgia Tech, yet another freshman. This one is a point guard. They bring in Dick Vitale to do an exposition on him, he takes about ten seconds to switch subjects from the topic at hand to Zach Randolph to Kobe Bryant to comparing this draft to 2003. Nothing like a little levity.

9:35- The Miami Heat, needing to retool at essentially every position other than shooting guard, select Jason Smith from Colorado State University. A 6′11 Forward with a jumper and some perimeter game. Jay Bilas points out the obvious that he never won in college.

9:37- The maligned GM of The Lakers is being stick miked by Jim Gray’s pen about Kobe Bryant, he takes three minutes to tell him and the rest of the world to piss off about Kobe Bryant and other shit that is none of their goddamn business. But he’s much more eloquent and makes several excuses for why they haven’t been able to facilitate a trade. If nothing else, Kupchak can dance.

9:40- Philly makes their second of three first round picks with Daquan Cook from Ohio State, yet another Buckeye. Apparently he is going to Miami in a trade for Jason Smith and cash considerations. From what I have seen and heard of Cook here in Columbus, Jay Bilas summarizes it perfectly, and it is a common NBA tale: great potential and ability, limited maturity and interest. A poor man’s Brandan Wright.

9:43- Rod Thorne justifies drafting another head case for The Nets and is strangely convincing. Have fun in Bedstuy, Rod. I’m sure you’ll fit right in. Oh, and Vince Carter is supposedly going to opt out of his contract extension, good times in the metropolitan area.

9:47- Charlotte and Michael Jordan have decided to take Jared Dudley out of Boston College with the 22nd pick. One would think with Georgia Tech and Boston College each having two players taken in the first round that they would have went deep into the tournament. But no, if memory serves they both lost in the first round of the NCAA tourney, GT to UNLV and Boston College to whomever.

9:49- Spike Lee is being interviewed by Lisa Saunders. He is resentful of other Knicks fans booing Isiah Thomas’ picks, and he is right, Isiah does alright (not great) in the draft, but he’s an irrational moron when it comes to free agency and every other facet of being integrally involved with running an NBA franchise. So the booing is warranted, even if it is ill-timed.

9:52- Spike ruined this pick of Wilson Chandler by predicting it correctly. Or Isiah told him what was going to happen, since that’s the type of insider knowledge you get for being loyal enough to support his ongoing employment.

9:56- Phoenix, who literally sold all their picks last year, is rumored to have sold this one to Portland as well. Phoenix will make the pick and it will be at the insistence of The Blazers. If they are so opposed to the up and coming generation, I’m surprised they haven’t dealt for Garnett yet.

9:58- They take a Spaniard named Rudy Fernandez, another 21 year-old foreigner. Whoever is doing the voice over is making the argument that if he played for a premiere college program he would have been a lottery pick. When you are Paul Allen and all you are giving up is cash for someone with all-star potential, then it is worth the risk.

10:03- Utah is on the clock, and I predict will take a white guy, if not a foreigner. Whoa, I’m wrong on both accounts. They take Morris Almond out of Rice. I want to hear who the last Rice alum was that was drafted in the first round. Okay, well, Tirico just said in no uncertain terms that one hasn’t been drafted out of the Houston school for 24 years, but no mention of who it was.

10:11- Houston selects Aaron Brooks from Oregon, a great value pick. A point guard under six feet with shooting ability and an unmatched tenacity, solid role of the dice this late, but The Rockets have little to no need at point guard with Mike James and Rafer Alston.

10:14- Andy Katz is explaining that the threat from the Chinese Government is to restrict Yi Jianlian from playing in the NBA should he be drafted by Milwaukee. If you live in that city, or the state of Wisconsin in general, how do you not take that personally and vote Republican in 2008? They’re going red anyways, but why not at least leave a slim possibility open, China? Sorry, it is getting slow ’round here.

10:16- Detroit is going to make the 27th pick as soon as ESPN wraps up profiling Seattle’s new GM, Sam Presti.

10:19- And the beleaguered Pistons take Aaron Affalo, probably the most overrated player in all of college basketball this past season, which is probably why he left early and went in the late first round. Why is Detroit stockpiling guards? I guess they are assuming Chauncey Billups has no intention of sticking around and they know Rip Hamilton cannot do anything but hit a mid-range jumper and play a little D, but didn’t they just let Ben Wallace leave town and currently have a front line who averages 55 years of age? Between, Sheed, McDyess, Webber and Maxil, they might have to get a Country Kitchen Buffet in the clubhouse.

10:25- San Antonio selects another foreigner, Tiago Splitter from Brazil. There is some guitar riff that keeps accentuating in the background, which means you know he’s good. Much like the Spaniard drafted by Portland, he cannot play until the 2008-2009 season, thus explaining why he might have slipped.

10:30- Phoenix takes Alando Tucker, who before the championship game of the Big Ten tournament was a projected top ten pick, but then was clobbered against Ohio State and decimated in the NCAA tournament. Vitale is endorsing his virtues, but it seems like bullshit. If he plays he will put up numbers because he is in Phoenix, but will struggle to even get minutes on that squad, considering he is the first player Phoenix has drafted with the intentions of keeping in two years.

10:34- Philly is drafting 30th to close out the first round, and I simply do not have it in me to extend this charade for another hour and a half when we are at a good stopping point.

10:37- David Stern announces the Miami-Philly pick, making it official. Philly drafts a Findland native named Petteri Koponen to conclude the first round. He is nineteen and and has played little competitive basketball, another foreigner who will not play professionally for a couple years, says Ric Bucher. Still, he is at the draft with his thirty person family and they are ecstatic, and that is what the draft exemplifies: Pure ecstasy at the promise of realizing a kid’s dream. Regardless of what happens from here on out, he’ll have this moment.

With that sorry attempt at succinct eloquence, we are capping this. It was entirely too long and I immediately regretted the decision to cover this. We might be back later on Friday with a set of links or something, it remains undetermined.

Well now, that was a return to Rescue Me greatness last night. I won’t go into details until next Wednesday, but here is an interview with Jack McGee, who plays Chief Reilly on the show (show altering spoilers are contained in the interview). Lets just say it wasn’t an amicable breakup. This is just another account of someone close (professionally) to Denis Leary thinking he’s a prick. You have to wonder how much of this is personal and how much of it is professional, though.

Nip/Tuck is returning with a slew of cameos to kick off its fifth season and first from hollywood. Including Oliver Platt, Porta De Rossi (Lindsay Bluth) and Dawn Budge. I have plenty of opinions about Rosie O’Donnell, but I always enjoyed this character.

Ah yes, the never-ending race against time with child actors to wrap up filming before he is bigger than his parents. Good luck with that, Chris.

Nice manipulation of modern media, goes to show how absurd internet rumors are (particularly in the sports world).

Steven Van Zandt, always the champion of aspiring rock musicians looking to break into the mainstream, is urging advertisers to use unrecognized artists for their commercials. Apparently Mr. Van Zandt isn’t aware of how the bottom line works in corporate America.

So, no one likes Zach Braff anymore? I have never been a fan of Scrubs or any type of zany humor so to speak, but wasn’t this guy the epitome of the niceguy crush for women 18-25? I guess not.

There remains a glimmer of hope that NBC brings back FNL repeats on Sunday nights, which would greatly improve their chances of getting a decent shake in their second season. Still, I’m skeptical. Silverman has to make scheduling room for The Bionic Woman, after all.

Spielberg has agreed to talk about himself for ninety minutes on TCM. I watched something similar with Scorcese on The Departed DVD, actually enjoyed it. These two come from the same generation and both continue to put out quality material, so I’ll probably watch it.

Great satirical piece from The Onion in which James Gandolfini is shot by a crazed fan seeking closure. For whatever reason, it doesn’t seem that far-fetched.

Still one last hour long Extras episode. And look who’s a possible cameo. The jokes here are a little too easy.

And finally, The Wire held a benefit a few days ago and it was a somewhat glib affair. Honestly, unless another quality series debuts in the near future in the same vein of this or The Sopranos, I may have to quit writing this blog shortly after the fifth season of The Wire airs its series finale.

Save for a few scenes, another pretty bland episode. Tons of recycled material and little development, everything seems to be forced instead of happening organically, especially with Tommy. I guess the assertion is his life is a never ending sequence of dramatic/traumatic events that raise his ire, but there has never been even a remotely dull period in this guys life. That’s partly why this series is good (arguably great in the first season) but nowhere near the class of The Sopranos or The Wire (Both of which being the gold standard of dramatic television). Onto the recap…

Pre-credits scene, we open with Sheila lecturing Tommy about that bizarre insurance scam that they apparently decided to run when immediately after they regained consciousness following the fire she started. She tries to lecture him about needing the money himself. She Tommy wants to know about the evening in question, she gives him the same song and dance about him being an out of control drunk being the case. He immediately starts breaking all of the expensive furniture in her new loft to extort honest answers. It’s over-priced glass, essentially.
He persuades her into giving a mildly accurate, but she conveniently leaves out the part about her drugging him and accidentally setting the place ablaze. She says he flipped out when he was drunk because he couldn’t produce an erection, and sheds some crocodile tears about the mythical experience, which Tommy completely buys. He leaves and she smiles triumphantly.

Tommy talks with his lawyer and apparently the story is gold because him being unable to get hard is a plausible reason why he lied in the first place. The lawyer raises his voice and a table of women look over at Tommy when he utters the phrase, “limp, lifeless, little dick”.

Jerry trot-jogs on a treadmill, apparently he is exceeding his expected recovery time.

Probie/Mike is visiting his cancer stricken mother, and insists on staying for some routine but painful procedure.

Kenny and Franco watch diminutive Larenz Tate play basketball and marvel at his excellence as several other lieutenants drool over him. Kenny wants to recruit the kid by letting him avoid menial tasks that come with the territory. Franco agrees to play nice with Kenny to give off the impression of racial bonding when his Richie calls.

Janet talks with their young daughter about their new son, they have a charming conversation about whether or not the kid likes her, given his penchant for vomiting, the daughter wants to call him puke-face, despite Janet’s protests, she does so anyway as she leaves for school.

Jerry is talking about his physical health to some RN and about his sons wedding. He pretends his son is straight which I suppose was the point of this scene, illustrating that he still hasn’t come to grips with his son’s sexuality.

Rich apparently tried to eat some piece of jewelry in a store, Franco calms the situation and sees some ring that catches his eye and inquires about the price. Rich says he needs to buy his girlfriend one of those and Franco points out that it will take much less to keep her attention.

Probie/Michael is talking about his mother’s condition, its fairly grim. Probie thinks it means she’ll be alright, the guy spells it out to him in no uncertain terms, somewhat callously but understandable, given how busy he is and Probie’s naivete. Mike calls his mom the Babe Ruth of cancer, saying she can beat it. Doc points out that is how Babe Ruth died: from cancer.

Maggie is voluntarily throwing out her pornography, much to Sean’s excitement. Then she talks about her spank bank, which I guess is a collection of scenarios one (typically a guy) saves to masturbate from. Not to get to personal but I have never heard of this phrase before, if it’s there I resolve the situation, if it’s not I leave it alone. I have never heard of a title doned to a collection of masturbatory fantasies.

Tommy talks in a law office, it’s really melodramatic. They had to show us scenes immediately after the fire if it was supposed to impact him or anyone to the point we’re supposed to be on the edge of our seat watching this. They lighten the mood with him asking if the stenographer (the only woman in the office has to be there, and obviously she does. The writers decided to cut out the rehashing of the story, thank God. Sheila is sitting outside, supposedly waiting to go in and tell her version of the story. She is with some stranger, making out, Tommy definitely takes notice.

Jerry and his kid talk on the phone about random shit. The replacement chief comes in and they have a dick measuring contest about the arrangement of the firehouse. Yawn.

Janet, who looks much better this season, answers a call about her daughter and discovers she is supposedly lambing it.

Teddy is being released from prison and looking forward to being able to sleep on his stomach again. MADD was the driving force behind his early release.

In the car, Janet calls Tommy about Colleen running away, they break down the situation with some assistance from Teddy’s wife, who insists Colleen will be home in two months. Tommy decides to track her down by getting information about the guy…

And demands to stop at a liquor store and they all assume it’s for him. Though his concern is clear, it doesn’t stop Teddy from asking for a bottle of Cristal. Upon entering, Tommy gazes admiringly at the numerous options and gets some Johnny Blue, running about $200 in the city. He gets a call from Nona, who, for whatever reason, is all over his cock despite his resistance. He gets her to settle down by telling the sad saga of his daughter running away. I either need to get into fire-fighting or come to the realization that women, in all corners of the world, do not operate like this.

Probie’s mom wants him to be euthanized. Obviously he’s hesitant, but she makes a decent case in the vein of Kavorkian. It’s convincing, at least for Probie. She closes her speil with: “Momma loves you baby, now go find something to kill me with”.

Teddy was apparently under the impression that his woman would dump him after he got out of prison, but she doesn’t have the same mindset she used to. He feigns excitement and excuses himself, next we see is of him running out the back.

Kenny talks with the other lieutenant who hates Jewish people. He threatens to dig up dirt on his house if he goes after Larenz Tate. Kenny walks off undeterred.

Tommy talks with Johnny’s old partner, the guy is pretty broken up and Tommy just seems perturbed he still has to deal with any kind of mourning, we get to the point of the visit: Tommy wants hombre to find his kid. The guy says his hands are tied, Tommy persists, the guy begrudgingly agrees to look him up. Tommy mutters some nonsense as he walks away, the guy asks him what he said, Tommy lies. Doesn’t this guy know Tommy isn’t much for rules and regulations or chain of command or anything like that? I mean, he was Johnny’s partner for at least a few years when he was runnign scams and cutting corners for Tommy. I guess Johnny kept all of that real close.

Tommy and Janet argue over who is at fault for their marriage (the most recycled of all the material), Tommy goes out to the kitchen, thinking he’s hearing someone walk in and thay immediately suspect it’s Colleen. Tommy looks under the covers and sees Johnny staring right back at him, no word on Colleen.

All the guys sit around the kitchen as Kenny cooks, Sean walks in and says, “Can I ask you something” and Kenny completely rails him about how when he asks such a question it leads to a regrettable conversation. He asks about spank banks, Leary says, “Ellen Degeneres (long pause), have you seen her dance?” In short, this scene exemplifies why anyone watches this show:
Lieu: Jessica Biel.
Sean: She’s old enough to be your daughter, Lieu.
Lieu: Bingo.
And several similar exchanges. Sean runs through his and subconsciously says Janet, he tries to back track and Kenny collects all the knives, foreseeing an unpleasant reaction from Tommy. And Tommy does, indeed go ballistic when Sean gets into details. Like Jeff Green would say, “I thought it was a compliment”. Tommy wonders aloud if anyone beats off to his eighteen year old daughter and the room falls silent. Sean is shaking and Tommy follows him when he heads outside.

They get a call and in the truck Tommy talks with Sheila about the guy she was with, its apparently the guy who saved her, Tommy calls it a cliche, which is apparently why he’s refusing the advances of Nona, Jennifer Esposito. Yeah, I know, If I am ever in the sitaution in which Jennifer Esposito is willfully propostioning me, I don’t give a shit about what the circumstances are, I’m using the opportunity to the fullest of my capabilities.

Tommy gets a call to the whereabouts of his daughter, and they leave their work site to track said guy down. Kenny asks him to reconsider, Tommy is defiant but looks conflicted.

Eventful, but really the pacing needs toned down. There is almost too much taking place and I’d say this has been the case for about a season and a half. I suppose not everyone needs a storyline at every waking second of screentime. Reducing the amount of actors highlighted in each episode actually enables the writers to flesh out the characters better. Right now its a jumbled mess of trauma and I cannot relate to it or become vested in it because nothing is really developed. Usually the second half of the Rescue Me season trumps the first, one would expect this to be the case in the fourth season as well.

Where as the pilot focused on the musical bits (comprising at least ten minutes of the twenty seven minute episode), the sophomore effort derived most of its humor and all of its plot from scripted dialogue with only two musical interludes (as opposed to three last week, four if you include the closing credits). Still the episode was a strong follow up to a promising debut and had me looking forward to next week.

In dire need of some cash flow, Murray suggests that they find a second job to pay the bills. When he points Jermaine and Bret to a position as sign holders (exactly what it sounds like, they stand on the corner and hold signs, pointing pedestrians to specific establishments), Bret gets the job because of his good attitude and Jermaine dismisses the position as, “something a lamp post could do”. Thus conflict arises, Jermaine and Murray kick Bret out of the band after he is unable to make a gig and they are forced to replace him with a tape. Hilarity continues.

The best of which probably comes in the car ride Mel gives to Jermaine and Bret at the expense of her poor husband, in which she is riding in between the two of them in the back seat with shotgun empty, Or the make shift Bret that Jermaine constructs in his place, or the conversations weighing the positives and negatives between Bret and the tape, or the exchanges about the two sandwiches. All of which is hysterical but almost impossible to convey, hence why I strongly recommended the series.

This show is incredibly difficult to describe, unless you have seen it before and have an understanding of its finer points then these posts are probably confusing. For instance, Bret and Jermaine have a soul-searching conversation about Bret giving up on the dream at his corner, then Jermaine starts to pedal off on his bike and they casually switch topics to picking up groceries and meeting up back at the apartment with absolutely no transition.

As for the two songs…meh. If they left them in the cutting room I wouldn’t have minded. One was a mock 80’s rap song about the plight of the urban environment, it was decent, nothing particularly memorable, more like a Weird Al rip off than anything. The second song was just awkward, in which Bret sings about his sexual conquests or the interest in sexual conquests… I guess? I don’t know, I was too busy cringing to make out the actual lyrics.

Speaking of which, if you have HBO on Demand, you can go to the Flight of the Conchords section under “TV Series” and watch their One Night Stand performance. It’s essentially thirty minutes of them performing songs, the last of which is the aforementioned awkward song. But set aside the one, its twenty minutes of comedic genius. Some of the highlights are here, here and here. Enjoy.

Like I said earlier, a strong follow up to the pilot, not quite as strong but let’s be honest, that would be asking too much. Back with a Rescue Me recap tomorrow.

Finally, an opportunity for some long term consequences for Entourage’s entourage. It’s been a long time coming for them to produce a conflict that exceeded two episodes, this may be the closest we get. Of course it could be a red herring, just in case any of us weren’t fully mourning the death of The Sopranos.

The determination of whether or not a film will turn into a success has always lied on Eric. That’s why he is Vince’s manager, after all, because he has “instinct”; or at least that is the reason they kid themselves into believing, so he can assume a position he is utterly unqualified for. But he has always been right in the past… in the interest of consistency, and to even further rationalize Eric having an authority position at all, I suggest they have this film bomb. Next week looks promising as they investigate detaching Walsh from the film’s post-production.

Which is also recommended, I have always found Walsh to be more interesting than the four main characters, but the archtype of the capricious director is really grasping at straws now. When Walsh flew out of his production studio on a bike, an over the top stunt with no real plausibility that commanded our attention, they could have at least had the film reel that Vince and Eric were there to see in plane site, because as far as I could tell, they just forgot about it and Walsh left the studio without it in hand.

One thing about this episode I loved was the return, if only a brief one, of Marvin the money manager. One, whay are they still employing this guy? Because, as he put it, “You (Vince and Eric) never listen to a fuckin’ word I say”. Still, any appearance, cameo or otherwise from an actor who had a role in Goodfellas is welcomed.

Speaking of cameo’s, did anyone else recognize Dr. Katz as the headmaster at Ari’s kids school? Not nearly as timid in this role, is he? The decision for them to withhold admission from Ari’s son because of his antics and constant undermining of the school as well as Ari immediately pulling his daughter out of class made sense from both angles. Also, it wasn’t entirely predictable. I thought the outcome would result in Terrence (his former boss, played by Malcom MacDowell) being on the other end of little Ari’s barring, but it ended up just Ari’s personality was detrimental to his kids enrollment, a little occam’s razor for Entourage, certainly did not see that coming.

In a plot line that is inconsequential to the rest of the series, it ended up stealing the episode. mainly because while I am interested in the inner-workings of Vince’s career, i’d rather it consist of more than chasing an self-absorbed, insecure director around town. You know there’s a problem when Eric is the most grounded person out of the group. At least with Ari, while he may be temperamental, he recognizes when his shortcomings are worthy of consequence and when they are not. For a school so prestigious I am not surprised they would kick his family out for such a minor infraction, but for the amount of money Ari was giving in tuition and donations, not even waiting for his daughter to get out of class to pull her out of the school was an appropriate decision.

Also, Eric and Sloane are on a break? Is he out of his God damn mind? I guess she ended up objecting to him spending six months in Colombia. With that said, at least her objection took place off-camera, to make it somewhat applicable, because her putting up a fight because someone is doing their job would have been a little out of character.

What else? What else? Oh, the Turtle-Drama storyline, as always is supposed to generate humor, but this week I didn’t find it particularly funny (not that it was offensive or anything, just too simple) or believable. Drama is always eccentrically stubborn, but honestly, why not just throw the party that your brother doesn’t even care about at his hotel room? You know, the temporary living quarters where nothing needs to be kept in mint condition. The issue here just wasn’t legitimate, effectively drowning virtually all of the humor out of the premise.

Really not the best episode, more quality lines than usual but since I’m at work and cannot remember most of them specifically, you’re either going to have to watch the episode yourself or simply take my word for it. Back with a Flight of the Conchords recap later.

Well, you know it’s been a slow week when we went into great detail about two fledgling reality series. Leaving us with really no other options than to close this five day span with some links. I think I might need to subscribe to Showtime just for some decent material.

The View is not ruling out hiring a male co-host to replace Rosie O’Donnell after the “controversial” pundit’s abrupt ending. The only prerequisite is that he absolutely must, must be gay. Which is probably a necessary requirement, any straight man would be too preoccupied with trying to bang Tim Hasselbeck’s wife, diverting him from concocting consipracy theories and dolling out outrageous political commentary. Yeah, a gay man is best for everybody.

Speaking of Rosie O’Donnell, she may be hosting The Price is Right when its all said and done. This may be a mistake. When people are playing those games, they don’t want to be lectured on how they are symbolic of US oppression in third world countries, they just want to watch the wheel spin or the ball roll or the cards flip. Call it American complacency, call it ignorance, call it what you will, but its the reality of the situation, and one the producers are going to take into consideration.

Vincent Curatola, aka Johnny Sack, is the first and presumably only actor from The Sopranos to publicly voice and discontent over the finale. He wanted to see Tony and Carmela lamb it. Which, in my opinion (for what it’s worth). is completely absurd. It was a huge changing of the tide when Tony’s head was removed from the chopping block, if Tony had after all these years of dismissing the concept of free will (”How come I’m not making pots in Peru? Fuck this shit, you are what you are”), he gathered everything and moved to Wyoming with Carmela, leaving AJ and Meadow behind and everything he has gleafully immersed himself in, I may have thrown the remote through my friends television.

American Dad has been around for three seasons? My how the time flies when you’re completely disinterested. Honestly, this show has its moments, but it’s one long running gag revolving about the stereotypes of each character. I watched the first five-10 episodes before I realized I was watching the same exact jokes on a loop, just in a different context each week.

Forget what the series has become, this is how iconic The Simpsons is.

This is why actors/writers/directors still clamour to be on one of the broadcast networks. For how popular Nip/Tuck is relative to your average CBS drama, the two lead actors are making chi-chi beans next to their FCC complying counterparts. Don’t get me wrong, $125,000 per episode (3 million a season) is nothing to sneeze at, but when comparing salaries, you tend to do it with people in the same line of work.

I haven’t been addicted to a video game since junior year of college, but this might get me back into the swing of things. Honestly, if this enables me to play first person from the perspective of Dwight Schrute, I may have to buy a Nintendo Wii. And do everything in my power to avoid behaving like this.

You know how people say hollywood is cutthroat and an unmerciful trade. Yeah, well, this is what they are referring to.

Isiah Washington, comparing himself to Malcom X, hopefully he realizes he is speaking out of turn.

James Gandolfini will be back on HBO in September; not as Tony Soprano but as a documentarian, chronicling the recovery of Iraqi war veterans injured in battle. Jesus, now that is an abrupt change of pace.

Jon Stewart, now in the running to replace Conan O’Brien when he leaves for The Tonight Show. Does he realize he’ll have to work Fridays should he switch to NBC? Might want to reconsider.

Sadly, Larry David will not implicate his divorce in any Curb episodes. That’s a shame, I’m willing to hold out for the next series. It seems unlikely that someone as creative, cynical and agitated as Larry David could go through the divorce process (In California, no less) and not have something humorous to say about how corrupt and absurd it is.

If you watch The Wire and enjoyed the character Bunny Colvin as much as I did, Robert Wisdom, the actor who played him, is joining the cast of Prison Break. More importantly, this is a good indication he will not be on The Wire’s final season, as he is “out of the game” and raising Nemond.

And finally, beacuse I’m too good to you people, Stephen Colbert causing a scene in an unexpected venue.

That’s all I have, enjoy the weekend. Next week we hope to get around to more initial impressions of upcoming fall series, a Rescue Me recap of this past Wednesday’s episode (somewhat dull and uneven again, by the way) and maybe a few more show reviews. Also, maybe a running diary of the first round of the NBA draft, for those of you who are interested in that sort of thing. Until then…

I am embarassingly late on discussing this, but for the most part I haven’t really cared about On The Lot. Like most technical competition reality shows (or elaborate game shows, as they really are), my tendency was to stear clear of this one as well. Most of these shows, in fact, everyone from American Idol to America’s Got Talent are primarily concerned with humiliating their participants. The worse they are, the better the ratings get and the closer we get to an on camera suicide; something, and I know I’m going out on a limb here, that I cannot condone.

Flipping through the channels on a slow Tuesday night, I stumbled across this. I’m not sure what the elimination process was or how they widdled the field down to these six remaining candidates (I’m assuming the auditions weren’t held on camera due to time constrictions), but it seemed like they judges with some actual credentials. So even if the criticism is an ugly attempt at shock humor at the expense of some poor hump standing onstage, at least those dishing out the critique might actually be qualified to do so.

Of the judges, we have Carrie Fisher (remembered most fondly for her role as Princess Leia in Star Wars) whose an actress and writer; Wes Craven, who was apparently a guest host and a legendary horror film director; and the king of the romantic comedy, Garry Marshall; whose directing credits include Pretty Woman and most recently the horrendous Gerogia Rule.

The contestants are pretty wet behind the ears, seemingly no experience, maybe a film degree. And the films themselves are judged from a technical standpoint more so than on substance (i.e. the lighting, the camera work, the music counts for more than the plot, the writing, the characters); which is sensible because the vignettes they are asked to put out are an estimated 2-3 minutes (I didn’t bother to time them).

I won’t get into the details of each contestants entries, but of the four I saw, one was about a kid who can cure cancer by donating his blood, another was about a girl who steals the sun, another about a guy whose girlfriend dumps him because he prioritized work and another was a horror film “from a tree’s perspective”. For the most part all the criticism was constructive, outside of Carrie Fisher going cutthroat on the last one “The only thing scary about that was it could have gone on longer”. Clearly this isn’t The Death Star, Carrie don’t have to enlist the help of her male counterparts to blow it up. Seriously, way to annihiliate someone who has nothing but admiration for you.

The best by far was the one about the girl who steals the sun (”Sunshine Girl”), and even it had this absurd church melody dominating the entire two minutes and the premise that “it was about a girl afraid of the dark” didn’t really register. It would have worked better as a girl who thought there was a monster under her bed or something, because everytime she reached under her bed, she flinched. Again, that was unequivocally the best of the four.

Never the less, the show was interesting, if for nothing else just to hear the opinions of professionals with a plethora of accomplishments. But the films are so meandering and pointless, almost cringe-inducing, that the show becomes hard to watch. Also, the hostess, is somewhat intolerable herself. The worst of it came when she commented that the guy who directed the cure-all blood short, was wearing an all red outfit. Thanks.

But this isn’t getting renewed, the ratings are terrible and it seems like everyone (the contestants included) are mailing it in, waiting to get cancelled prematurely. I’m not giving this a definitive recommendation, if you are interested in film production and the creative process, then you might enjoy it. If not, then stay a mile away because you’ll be gauging your eyes out with all this show’s peripheral aspects and the monotony of the vignettes. But of this reality/game show vernacular, I think its the best of its kind.

For week or two now I have been suggesting that I would watch and review HBO’s new David Milch drama, John From Cincinnati, a series about a generation of surfers trying to figure out their purpose. Well, I watched the first episode and part of the second, and all I can conclude is HBO felt indebted to Milch for prematurely cancelling Deadwood, a critically acclaimed series that never got much traction in the Nielsen’s. As a result, they let him piece together anything he wanted with the promise to air it, right after the series finale of The Sopranos!

To be honest, the show has promise: solid acting, interesting/original premise, stylistically unlike anything I’ve ever seen. While we usually encourage abnormal television efforts ’round here, this exceeds even our boundaries, and wreaks of a guilt-ridden deal by HBO who wanted to keep Deadwood but had no choice other than to cancel it in its prime. HBO has never been one to concern themselves with mass appeal, they tend to greenlight a series then wait for the audience to come around. But with Sopranos just ending, cancelling Deadwood and Rome, Curb Your Enthusiasm beginning its final season later this year and only one season left of The Wire; it might have been in HBO’s best interest to pick a series with a little more mass appeal.

If I hear John From Cincinnati turns out to be a phenomenal series with season long character arcs that make me question everything I knew about surfers, then I’ll Netflix the DVD’s or watch the series OnDemand. But for the time being I’m on hiatus from HBO drama, still too perplexed about the end of The Sopranos.

In broadcast network news, with reality television sort of teetering on the brink of irrelevancy (save for American Idol and Dancing With The Stars, but are those even reality series?), NBC, ABC, FOX and CBS seem to throw most of their new reality series on during the summer as a test run, then based on their success decide whether or not they deserve a shot at primetime in the fall.

Hell’s Kitchen, though being on for several seasons and experiencing moderate success, FOX has decided to keep it as a summer mainstay. For those who are unfamiliar with the show, Gordon Ramsay, a chef with an attitude takes in a collection of aspiring cooks to mock and humiliate them on national television for the benefit of Rupert Murdoch’s wallet. I had never watched an episode until this past Monday and its undoubtedly the most incredulous reality show I’ve ever seen, which is saying something. Of course, the contestants are so piss poor that Ramsay’s abusive actions are almost warranted.

For instance, the episode I saw had two teams (men vs. women, someone must have lost sleep conjuring up this gimmick) and the women’s team ended up losing based on Ramsay’s decision, I’m assuming because the men had lost a teammate to medical leave and they also got their appetizers out faster, neither team served any entrees. It came down to three women for elimination, team nominates those for the chopping block, then Ramsay swings the axe.

One was unjust because her prior experience is at a Waffle House, and the team turns up their collective nose at that. So Ramsay immediately excluded her from elimination. The other two contestants however, one was thrown out of the kitchen for damn near serving rancid food, the other one tried to serve food out of a trash can before a teammate stumbled onto her actions and put the kaibosh on it. Ramsay never saw her so she wasn’t kicked out of the kitchen until the rest of the team was.

Thing is, the one who served food from the trash can got to stick around. Doesn’t that lower the bar for all reality television? This guy actually said to himself at one point, “well this girl almost served our customers trash, but i’ll give her a pass”. I mean, what’s the Survivor equivalent of that? I suppose their isn’t one because its a democracy as opposed to a tyranny, but in terms of actions it would be like someone eating all the food, urinating on the fire and sabotaging a challenge then someone else being voted off because they are small.

Anyhow, its a disturbing show, one I never intend on watching again. But Ramsay really carries it. Despite the seemingly utter incompetence of the contestants, he curses them out on a regular basis, throws food at them and when he “fires” them, he tells them to “fuck off” or something else completely unnecessary. The one thing I like about this series, as opposed to Dancing With The Stars or Big Brother or The Apprentice, is this show doesn’t pretend to have any dignity. It accepts what it is, and is perfectly comfortable with contributing to the Idiocracy this country is becoming. Congrats.

Watched a half hour or so of On The Lot, Spielberg’s reality series on FOX. Will come back with a post about that later.

Did you like Tenacious D? The rock duo headed by Jack Black that pretended not to take themselves seriously but sort of did? Well, if you liked them, you might want to avoid Flight of the Conchords. It follows the same premise, two hapless faux-musicians attempting to reach an esteemed level of acclaim with their band, despite how unrealistic the prospect may be.

Certainly some people who enjoyed Tenacious D will also enjoy the Diji folk rock interpretation, but whereas Jack Black brought an unprecedented (some might even say obnoxious) level of energy to their performance, Flight of the Conchords is much calmer, even sedated by comparison.

To summarize, Flight of the Conchords tells the tale of two New Zealand natives, Bret McKenzie and Jermaine Clement (whom since they are playing themselves, I can only hope they’re doing a parody) in New York City, trying to get their Diji folk rock band of the same name off the ground, as of now they have a fanbase that consists of one fan: Mel (Kristen Schaal), whom after the first episode, appears to have a slight obsession with the two Kiwis. She is married, and forces her husband to help stalk them for two and a half hours.

In the episode there were three songs performed that are interlaced with the plot of the episode, one at a party, in which Jermaine breaks into a mock love ballad that contains such lyrics as, “You’re so beautiful, you could be a waitress/an air hostess in the 60’s” or “You’re so beautiful, you could be a Part. Time. Model…but you probably have to keep your normal job”. We come to find out the next morning that said girl is Bret’s ex-girlfriend, Sally.

The two other songs are duets, one performed after Sally breaks up with Jermaine and Bret feels his friend has chosen his ex over him entitled, “I’m Not Crying” and the other is for a music video shoot in which there manager, akin to but not nearly as bad as Stephen Merchant on Extras, Murray (Rhys Darby) uses his cell phone to shoot it. Its a futuristic song in which robots have overrun the human population (”We no longer say ‘yes’, we say ‘affirmative’, unless there is a colloquial situation to use ‘yes’”) that futures a “binary solo” of Bret just reading off zeroes and replacing a zero with a one each time (”00000001, 00000011, 00000111, etc.)

Even though I was fascinated by the show and had nothing but good things to say about it, I was dreading having to write this entry because the humor is hard to convey if you do not have any frame of reference. If you read this, someone listing off numbers might seem trite and easy, not especially funny. But the humor comes in the stylization and tone of the series. I likened it to Tenacious D earlier, which follows a similar premise, but the episode I watched had the symmetry and understated style of an Arrested Development episode. Which, if you’re a regular reader, then you know that is much appreciated around these parts.

Some choice lines outside of the ones mentioned before:

Dave (there only other friend): I don’t know how you do things over in England.
Bret and Jermaine (Simultaneously): New Zealand.
Dave (calmly): Look I don’t really give a shit.

Jermaine: Depending on the street, you would definitely be in the top threeee/ good looking girls on the street.
Bret (Barratone): Depending on the street.
-Jermaine and Bret, “You’re so beautiful”

Jermaine: I think I know where I went wrong with Sally. I think, when you turned on the light, she was a bit startled, and she decided she was uncomfortable.
Bret: Yeah, or it could be that we used to date (revealing for to the audience that they dated).
Jermaine: Yeah its partially that you used to date but also becaused you turned on the light.
Bret: It’s mostly that we used to go out. For six months. And not so much the light.

Since the inception of Grid Effect, this series is probably the highest recommended new series we have reviewed (short of maybe Friday Night Lights). Judging by the TWoP message boards virtually no one watched the series premiere on Sunday, but everyone who watched it (critics and audiences alike) seemed to enjoy it immensely. If you have nothing else going on at 10:30pm on Sunday nights, I strongly suggest doing yourself the favor and tuning in.

A good start to season four and probably the best season premiere other thean season two (in which the “gang” returned from New York to find that offers weren’t coming in quite as steadily as before they left). Maybe it was the new setting, maybe it was the mock documentary setting (actually, I know it wasn’t that), maybe it was the fact Billy Walsh was prominently involved and we actually saw some on set work; whatever it was this season ahead looks promising.

Reportedly, Johnny Drama is supposed to have a love interest this season. My guess would be that Sofia Vergara turns out to be that love interest, which at least makes for some decent eye-candy. The revelation would also be somewhat ironic considering how everyone was so quick to dismiss Drama’s chances with her. Drama seems crassly over-confident, conventional wisdom would tell you it came from somewhere and at some point in the series Drama would demonstrate exactly that.

One thing I am thankful for is the absence of Turtle’s quasi-girlfriend, his role in this episode was marginalized, which is appropriate being on a film set and all. Turtle doesn’t serve much of a purpose in this setting, or in LA, or at home, etc. Honestly how does he fill the hours on a film set in Colombia?

Vince’s acting, how shall we say… left something to be desired. It’s doesn’t really have any bearing on my overall opinions of the series, its not that difficult to mask good drama with bad drama, especially in such small doses. Other than that he was kept on the sidelines in generic makeup and waiting to utilize a horrendous accent. The scene where he kicked the soccer ball and yelled “Goooaaaalllll!” while that kids father was simultaneously being executed was a bit much, especially when Vince began eating a bag of chips afterwards.

Eric, as usual, played peacemaker. Usually keeping Billy from going ballistic on the film crew and from self-destructing. Even “E” was at his wits end with Billy, whom he threatened to beat him senseless to Vince. I really want to know what its like to be the only character on this series who never has a decent punchline. Seriously, this must be a visceral experience for Kevin Connolly.

But really the central figure in this episode was Billy Walsh, who’s portrayal as a run of the mill pretentious film director really shines through. Some might say he is trying too hard to sell the role, but since he’s there for comedy’s sake, I thought it was pitch perfect. From tackling the photography director after the questionable DP that made it “look like an after school special” to demanding the film crew abstain from sex when he was worried Sofia Vergara was sleeping with someone (”show me a woman who just wants to be friends and I’ll show you the guy fucking her”) to scoffing at practice readings (particularly Drama’s), he Jeremy Piven and Adam Goldberg made the episode (what else is new?). Just the concept of this guy is funny enough in and of itself, like passing out while writing all night in a small hub with the door open, immediately after bringing Stephen Gaghan (wrote Traffic, Syriana) for a brief cameo.

My only qualm really had nothing to do with the episode but what the episode indicated about the season in general. That is, I didn’t think they would fast track the film making process in a half hour, I was under the impression that it would be stretched out over the course of a few weeks before they returned home. On the other hand, given that this is Entourage, therefore it’s inevitable the film is made and to a successful result; and they decided to use that tired mock documentary formatting, it’ not such a bad thig they got this out of the way. One episode with multiple camera interviews is enough, this isn’t Survivor. Also, this episode was Piven-light, when it comes to Entourage, the more Piven we get the better the episode tends to be.

All in all, a suitable opening that gives the new season a proper starting point. For a series or season premiere, isn’t that all you can ask for?

A review of the hilariously funny Flight of The Conchords coming later today or tomorrow. If you do not have HBO, you can watch several clips of it here.

Here we are, probably the last post solely dedicated to The Sopranos. As a coma-stricken Tony might ask, “Who am I? Where am I going?” I am clearly suffering from something of an existential funk as of now, and it will probably last up until the 5th season premiere of The Wire. Enough reminiscing, lets do this thang…

We open with yet another scene of Tony waking up in his bedroom, of course its a beaten down mattress in a safe house and he’s clutching a gun that could take down a helicopter; instead of his bed in the kingdom he and his lineage rest their heads. Still, his jowls have not gone anywhere.

Tony and Paulie sit in a vehicle that is supposed to be incognito at the airport, but really just looks suspicious based on where they take it. Presumably they’re waiting for a mob meeting and Paulie complains about said guys lack of punctuality. Tony, as has been an ongoing theme this season, does not want to hear his incessant yammering, instructs him to just enjoy the music.

The late party turns out to be Agent Harris, Tony inquires about the two potential terrorists he gave them information about, Harris’ news is somewhat distressing and says it happens all the time. Tony gets forceful and wants to know if he’s lying to AJ when he says its all bullshit. Harris gets a call from his bitchy wife and they predictably argue, Tony gives him some more info about the potential terrorists having an account at some bank under the guise that he “just remembered”. Harris is understandably skeptical, then Tony asks for a favor and wants to know if his Brooklyn contacts have any idea where Phil Leotardo is hiding. Its probably the most transparent ruse Tony has ever tried to pull, which is accurate because he is desperate at this point.

Tony and fat driver guy go to an ominus little waterfront property, where Meadow, AJ and Carmela are all apparently staying. Carmela is worried about some odor in the house and is thinks it is toxic. She bitches about not being home, there might be some more pressing issues, here Carm. I know your husband’s a sick degenerate but have chosen to ignore that, so you might want to show some concern for his, you know, life.

AJ lets out Rhiannon and Tony kindly suggests using the back door. Carmela is concerned that she may be loose lipped while in the company of her peers, disclosing her location. When he walks into the kitchen, Tony says he wouldn’t kick her out of bed for purging cookies (a not so subtle reference to her being a bulimic) and AJ says that they are just friends to which Tony replies, “I know, nice job”. In my circle of friends, and mind you we’re all twenty-five, when one of us “befriends an attractive woman, we usually give him shit for being doing so because either he is pursuing her sexually and she knows it, but is not interested and is stringing him along for whatever he can do for her; or he has brought the subject up and was rejected, but is clinging to her because she will talk to him and he is still somewhat smitten. In other words, I was glad Tony called AJ out on how ridiculous it is to, of all the people in the world to be friends with, he has chosen an attractive high-schooler recovering from an eating disorder.

Carmela and Tony tell AJ about Bobby’s funeral, AJ questions it and they reassure him it is safe because of thew FBI presence.

At the wake, everyone sits and mingles about the food, not really mourning in any way. Pointing out the over-indulgence and materialism that Chase obviously believes permeates this country.

Meadow invites Paulie to sit down at her table where they are talking about the Oscars. Paulie is in rare form here, even for him, he throwing out these gems:
“In the midst of death, we are in life”. -After undoing his zipper in front of everyone and explaining how much he ate.
“You can take 2007 and give it back to the indians”. -Discussing how many friends he’s lost in the year. So far.

Meadow’s new boyfriend attempts to change the subject by asking either someone in particular or the table in general if they had seen Dreamgirls, prompting AJ to go ballistic about the dire state of the world, and how the concept of America is a noble and necessary one, but the we sell out the more valiant and important aspects of freedom for inconsequential objects and self-interest. AJ gets a little off track and isn’t terribly cogent here, to which Bobby’s niece has pointed out. He goes so far as to quote Yates, which he pronounces “Yeets”. The conversation ends when Paulie cracks a joke about terrorist regimes that I can’t quite understand but him and Bobby’s niece laugh at. So clearly it was funny!

The guys all sit around the safe house watching a Twilight Zone episode about the importance of the writer to television. I was actually listening to a Paul Shirley interview while writing this, and in the interview he says, “When people with money get involved, everything gets dumbed down.” This seems to summarize David Chase’s opinion of the four broadcast networks. Of their situation, Tony says it’s not all bad since he hasn’t eaten a green vegetable in a week, he hollers something and out of nowhere a stray cat comes scampering over to eat his discarded food. Carlo invites Tony to visit Silvio at the hospital, he declines everyone looks pissed but unsurprised.

In little Italy, a tour bus rolls by while the guide lectures about how it has been reduced to a few shops, while Butchie exits one of the stores, Phil calls him to bitch about Tony not being killed first. Butchie non-verbally suggests calling an end to it, Phil hangs up on him and he comes to discover that while invested in his heated conversation with Phil, Butchie has stumbled into Chinatown and out of Little Italy as a result of it being so diminished by corporate overrun.

Tony shows up at Janice’s and walks through the back where she is contemplating just how narcissistic she can be. When her and Tony get talking, she claims she is nothing like her mother while acting exactly like her, just not as aggressive. She says she needs to watch her weight to snag another husband,. And though it is meant as a joke it still seems like a really callous thing to say. They reminisce about the monopoly fight and Bobby’s “absent” sense of humor. He asks what she is doing now. Janice says Sophia (her stepdaughter) is out of her mind if she thinks she’s getting out of this house. Tony reminisces about how when Johnny bought the house Janice currently lives in, behind it was all cornfields (”Scotch (bangs chest), and soda”) . Tony says she could form a new nuclear family and drag Harpo into their mess. She says he changed his name to Hal. Tony leaves.

As he’s leaving, he gets a call from Harris’s chest hair, I mean Harris, but his chest hair clearly has a mind of its own, about the locale of Phil, he is with some stern looking female agent, whom I guess he had to sleep with to get that information as she looks on disapprovingly.

Benny and someone else look for Phil.

AJ and Rhiannon sit in his car in the woods listening to Bob Dylan classics, AJ calls him “this guy”. She is trying to talk him into sex. He says this could be a mistake, she says they are good friends, then lean in and start making out before she straddles him and takes off her shirt, smoke starts coming through the AC vents and AJ is to distracted to notice right off the bat, he does eventually see the engine in flames, they run out of the car and watch it explode. It seems to be quite cathartic for him.

Cut to Tony and Carmela bitching out AJ. These are some of the best scenes with Gandolfini, wanting to let all his sociopathic rage out on his son, but doesn’t because he pities AJ and Carmela won’t let him. AJ says it may be good that he takes the bus because we have to lose our dependence on foreign oil.

Listening to a tape recorder of Tony reaching out to a third party to get him and Butchie in the same room where no one would be in danger.

At a random warehouse, Tony greets some guy named George and his friends. It plays like a potential ambush, we cut to the middle of the debate, Butchie brings up Phil’s dead gumar. Tony calls out Little Carmine, who hesitantly chimes in, “It didn’t have to be this way”. Tony rolls his eyes as if to say, “no shit”. Tony says his price is he helps them get a location on Phil, Butchie refuses but says he will not interfere. Butchie also agrees to pay out for Bobby’s death to Janice.

The Sopranos are back home and bitching about the surplus of mail. It was probably worth the safety precaution, Carm. Your husband would be dead if not for that formidable stack of paper.

Paulie is freaking out about the cat being in the back of Satriales, Tony overrules him and calls the cat, “a good guy”.

Pat and Junior are staring out the window looking at birds at Juniors new state funded digs. He thinks Janice is Livia when she confronts him (That’s actually a compliment, considering whose on the receiving end of it), she shows him a picture of there kid and he calls her Janice. He’s always a generation behind. Junior regales some story about Janice leaving the stove on with a wet dish rag. Janice tells Junior about Bobby and he has no recollection, nor shows any remorse. She tries to extract sympathy by saying, “I’m a widow now”.

Cut to Pat talking about how she was unveiling him, Tony says he can rot.

AJ in therapy is shot identically to the scenes Tony has with Melfi, with her legs are even protruding out from her skirt and seem to be the central focus, he’s in amazement about being in his car seat a few seconds before it melted. Much like his father was after he survived his attempted hit.

Paulie walks into the Bing screaming for Carlo, he’s not around, its similar to that when he saw the Virgin Mary on the stage. Paulie calls Tony to tell him Carlo didn’t show. Tony wonders if he flipped, Paulie recalls that his kid Jason was picked up for selling Exstacy, making the answer obvious.

Carmela goes to talk to Meadow and Hunter is in the room (Chase’s actual kid and has been MIA since Meadow went to Columbia), she was kicked out of school for drinking and that was apparently the last time she has seen her, but has since gotten her act together and is now in Med school. At this news Carmela virtually runs out of the room.

Down in the living room, Patsy, his wife are with Carmela, Tony, Meadow and their kid, while Patsy’s wife is butchering the “horse with the long face joke”. Tony asks about their other son, Jason, the one that Carlo’sd kid (the other) Jason hangs out with. Things get tense at the mention of this. So it seems clear that Patsy and his wife know about him turning. The topic changes to Meadow’s future career, she is now looking to join a high payig law firm instead of going the ACLU route. I am not sure which is worse. Anyhow, her and her husband look like future mob lawyers.

Back at Satriales, the cat stares at the picture of Chris they have hanging. Paulie tells some guy named Walden to move the cat, he refuses and Paulie grabs a broom when Tony walks in and he pretends to be sweeping. As Walden leaves, Paulie gives him shit about his name, he said he was named after Bobby Darin, Paulie “Ewhh”’s at him.

Tony offers Paulie the construction job, Paulie doesn’t want it because of the typical early departure of the leader of that crew. Tony says he is “miffled”. Paulie walks out, looking conspicuous.

Tony pulls up alongside AJ, who’s jogging down the street and starts mouthing the melody to the Rocky theme song. AJ hops in the car and Tony says he is going to get back at it himself. AJ says he is joining the Army, but hasn’t signed up yet (He has to clarify it with Rhiannon), AJ says it will help him with his career, Tony is quick to point out that he doesn’t have a career, he says he wants to be Trumps personal pilot eventually. Tony says they want another chance to talk before he commits to anything and also says he’s not telling Carmela about the newfound idea.

Tony tells Carmela while she lies in a bathtub.

Tony thanks AJ’s therapist for “getting him out of his room”, but asks what’s the point if he’s going to be “cannon fodder”. Carm walks in and Tony says it may be good for him, Carmela said it would be great if a war wasn’t taking place. New Lady Therapist says AJ wants to take all of his energy and focus on the terrorists, but she can’t reveal anymore. Tony bitches about that fact, since they are footing the bill. Tony goes into a long tangent about his mother. It’s really off topic.

Tony is “sake bombing” with Meadow and they argue about her career path. He says of the last time you talked, “you wanted to be a lawyer for black people”, she gets mad and says the state can break the individual, he asks incredulously, “New Jersey?”, though she was referring to the federal government. She says she would have been a boring suburban doctor if not for all the times he was dragged off unjustly by the feds. He doesn’t say anything but facial ticks, “You actually believed that shit. Standards to practice law are low these days.”

Phil pulls up to a gas station with his wife driving and their two grandkids. Phil is barking at his wife about picking up drugs from the pharmacy when Walden comes up from behind and shoots him in the head. His wife hops out of the car, while it is in drive or neutral, hysterical, and the car tire rolls over his head. There is some great editing here between seeing the front part of the tire start to crush Phil, then a cut to a group of four kids, then a cut to the two babies in the car as it makes this crushing noise, then a cut to some random onlooker going, “holy shit”, then to one of the four kids vomiting.

Someone walks in to Agent Harris’ office, informing him that Phil Leotardo was hit. To which Harris slapped his hand on the desk and replied, “We’re going to win this thing”. Apparently, this actually happened.

Carmela and Tony are talking with AJ about some alternatives to military service. AJ descends down the steps in a Tony-esque robe. Carmela asks how one person can make a difference, he says he can join the CIA and with learning Arabic he’ll be a valuable commodity. Tony calls him out about it, he lashes out. Carmela suggests not getting his legs blown off, he replies, “always with the drama”. Yeah, he’s a Soprano. They suggest working on a film that Little Carmines studio is doing, and with his friends in film school, he can make some contacts and get things off the ground for them. Then possibly open a club(s) and have a celebrity angle to approach it with. AJ reminds them that Carmine does porn. Tony keeps his cool, says he did “Cleaver” and that he is branching out.

Tony meets with his lawyer in the back of the Bing. And informs him that the news isn’t good and there is about an 80-90% that he’s indicted, with the gun charge and several others. As he piles on the list of charges, Tony rips the ketchup bottle he is struggling with out of his hand and slams it down. Lawyer says, “trials are there to be won”, which doesn’t exactly set his mind at ease.

Tony goes to visit Silvio, who’s just lying there and never talks. He hugs Gabriella while Little Miss Sunshine plays on the television. He looks like he’s having flashbacks to when he was in a similar predicament.

Out in front of Satriale’s, it is just Paulie and Tony and the former is working on his tan. They argue about the cat, and Paulie not having any money to leave his niece who has MS, which Tony feels should be enough incentive to take the position he is offering. Tony says that since Chris has passed, his gambling luck has done a 180, Paulie gets mad that its okay for him to believe in karma and the supernatural, but not him. Paulie tells him about seeing the Virgin Mary when he was worried about potentially having cancer, Tony makes fun of him and Paulie gets upset that he’s cracking jokes. Seems Paulie is really frightened of death. Tony ropes him in by saying that he’ll give Patsy the job. Paulie caves, “I live but to serve you, my liege.” It really is depressing staring at just the two of them standing outside that little meat store, wherein there used to be close to a dozen men standing out there at anytime. Live by the gun, I guess

AJ walks outside talking about his new BMW, justifying having it saying it gets 23 mpg on the highway and that’s better than the SUV. Get a Altima, or a Cobalt homeboy. He picks up his high school girlfriend, at high school.

They go home and laugh it up in front of a television as Karl Rove dances like a leader of the free world, or a dipshit, you categorize it how you would like.

Tony goes to meet Junior at the state hospital and tries to advise him on his money and confront him about shooting him. He is so fargone that he has no idea who he or Tony is, Junior says a man from another galaxy came to see him, Tony says that is his accountant and Junior, frustrated, says, “I’m confused”. Damn, Dominic Chianese is a fantastic actor. He seems to get a semblance of a who he is when Tony says, “this thing of ours”; When Tony says they ran North Jersey (him and his dad), Junior replies, “That’s nice”. As if to explain how quaint and insignificant their practice is. Tony runs out of there scared shitless.

Final scene:
Tony walks into Holstens, and scours the place.

At his table he observes every person that walks in and skims the jukebox at his table.
finally settling on “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey. How Jersey, or college.
We see a woman with a vague resemblance to Janice. Then a trucker.
We see Carm walk in and get camera shots of a young couple and some boy scouts.
They say hi. Shot of some trucker drinking coffee, Carmela explains that Meadow will be a little late because she went to the doctor. Tony looks concerned, Carmela senses it and explains that she was switching birth control. Tony looks sorry he asked.
Carmela asks about their lawyer and Tony explains he is probably going to trial.
The song goes into the chorus right when a suspicious looking guy walks into the restaurant and AJ’s directly behind him.
They talk about onion rings while eating some.
Meadow tries to park as the same shady guy that AJ followed inside sits at the counter looking over his shoulder at their table. AJ bitches about his job and his parents tell him to suck it up.
AJ heeds his fathers advice and says he’ll try to focus on the good times, which Tony once said (final scene of season one). Tony thinks he’s being sarcastic before having it explained to him that AJ was being literal, Tony concedes that he guesses it is true.
The same gentlemen from the counter walks to the bathroom directly passed their booth but does nothing.
Two black guys walk in.
Meadow finally gets her car parked on a virtual airport strip and runs inside.
We hear the bell ring when the door opens, Tony looks up while the music says “Don’t Stop” and it cuts to black, in silence.

Fucking phenomenal. This is just a detailed synopsis. If you want to read about finale theory, go here, here and here.

Did not have time to wrap up The Sopranos recap for “Made In America”, I spent last night watching my Cavs get swept out of the finals (they were playing with house money after just reaching the Eastern Conference Finals, anyways). So to compensate for my shortcomings, here are a few related links to wet your appetite.

Lost producers are reassuring their fans that the conclusion of their series will in no way resemble that of The Sopranos. Yeah, I know buddy. You guys would never have the cojones to pull off something so original and thought provoking. You don’t have to tell me, Carlton. If I had to guess about how Lost will end its run, I would sasy that the US Government not only finds out they are stranded on a remote island, but also discovers all its inhabitants are suffering from an incurable ailment, foreign to North America. As a last ditch solution, Bush decides to go Outbreak on them and drop an H-Bomb to neutralize the virus, ending the series in one bloody mess.

This is a website dedicated solely to convincing you Tony Soprano, a fictional character on a television series, is dead. I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m going to need to see some exculpatory evidence before I make that conclusion.

The actor who played Dr. Elliot (Melfi’s therapist), is telling everyone a final scene between him and Lorraine Bracco was cut out of Sunday’s episode, one in which he is consoling her. I don’t understand, was Melfi’s entire life consumed by her treatment of Tony Soprano? The writers went out of their way to say otherwise, with Elliot always being the first to ask about him, but does she really need reassurance yet again to drop him? Oh well, I guess I never saw the scene so I don’t really know its context.

And finally, if you have not been reading Slate.com’s email exchange between several Sopranos aficionado’s (among them are Brian Williams and Emmy award winning writer Terrence Winter, most recognized for “Long Term Parking”) then I highly recommend you do so. Some entries are insightful, some are self-indulgent, but all are worthwhile.

Back with the recap this afternoon/evening.

I know I promised a Rescue Me preview in my last post, but I got caught up in some extra-cirriculars last night and never got around to it. Thankfully, however, the season premiere was essentially a preview in and of itself, so there was no need, as most of the episode simply rehashed where all of the characters are at. Usually I wait until the following week to recap a dramatic episode of television, but last night was fairly uneventful and meandering, so I’ll just get it out of the way now. Instead of going in order of events, I’ll do a character by character synopsis.

Tommy Gavin: Now living with Janet (his separated but not divorced but not technically separated anymore because they are living together wife) in a platonic relationship with a kid that may or may not be his (it’s his or his departed brother’s). Tommy’s concerns range from studdering in protest over his rebellious eighteen year-old daughter and Janet’s remarkably poor parenting skills, to potentially going to jail as an arson suspect from the fire at Sheila’s beach house (he cannot remember the details since she drugged him, she’s alive and trying to pull an insurance scam, by the way. Given how last season ended, this doesn’t add up) and fending off the advances of Jennifer Esposito, the firewoman who saved him; to debating with the rest of the house as to what kind of gaming court they should have in the basement: basketball or street hockey.

Franco: Now living with the young photographer he met at a bar by himself last season and is still coping with her mentally-challenged brother, who wants Franco to marry his sister so he can bed a girl with down-syndrome, whose partially deaf and in a wheelchair. There conversation went something like this:

Franco’s Girlfriends Brother (Can’t remember his name, sorry): She’s got a great ass.
Franco: Well, how do you know she has a great ass if she’s in a wheelchair?
FGB: Sometimes they stand her up.

Some might find this offensive, I find it amusing. He is pushing for the basketball court.

Kenny Shea: Not much going on here. He’s trying to handle the advances of sexually pent-up former nun he is currently dating and is the lead advocate for the basketball court over the street hockey rink, mainly because there is a new black guy going through probie school that he thinks he has an inside track on and can recruit to their house.

Probie: Had a colonoscopy due to a history of colon cancer in his family, meaning he will eventually be diagnosed with it at some point this season or it was written in strictly for John Scurti to crack a joke about his taint later in this episode. But he was drug induced and virtually unheard from, from start to finish.

Garrity: Still married to Maggie (Tommy’s sister) and has been so for nine months. There marriage is something of a gender reversal in terms of bedroom antics. In other words, she has a porn collection that he wants to get rid of. Garrity also looks bizarre with this new hairstyle, Very Abrecrombie & Fitch-esque. He was hoping for a basketball court but Garrity is blackmailing him into voting for the street hockey court with the threat of buying Maggie more porn.

Chief Riley: Coping well since his near fatal heart attack at the end of last season. Having lost thirty-five pounds and is begrudgingly going to attend his gay sons wedding as his best man, somewhere in Massachusetts. Another great exchange here:

Chief Riley: Okay okay, I don’t have to kiss the bride, do I?
Chief Riley’s son (again, cannot remember his name): Just not on my lips.

I guess his near death experience has done wonders on his psyche. He also determines the outcome of the remodeling of the basement: There going halvsies; and turns down more than one slice of pizza.

Other notes:

-There was an explosion on site where all of them nearly died, but you knew they wouldn’t because it contained five of the six characters mentioned above. A floor gets upturned and they all fall out of the third story of a building onto some stuffed animals. Think Suzy Green falling on the pound cakes in Curb.

-Janets newborn son hates her, and his crying is only quelled when Tommy is holding him.

-Colleen vomited after getting stoned and drunk with her twenty-six year old boyfriend and having sex with him in his truck.

Like I said, fairly uneventful and mostly a “seeing what their up to now” episode. But I’m cautiously optimistic they can rebound from the pedestrian third season with the body of work the fourth produces.

After four straight postings pertaining to The Sopranos, I figured it is time we start to move on (at least for a couple days). After all, there is a world of television out there, right? Certainly we can find something else worthwhile. See, now I’m in a good mood, onto the links…

Just one last comment about Sunday’s episode, HBO beat every network but one in the 9-10pm time slot. Who did they lose t? America’s Got Talent. There’s a feather in your cap, Hasselhoff. And call me crazy, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the 12 million estimated viewers is a significant underestimate. One people watch this show in groups. Large groups. Hell, even I had four people watching it at my place and I don’t know anyone. Second, it is well known that HBO’s website crashed with hits immediately afterwards. At its peak they were getting 340,000 hits a second. That would be 1/36 of its audience a second. TWoP’s message board for the episode has 145 pages and had twenty pages a half hour after it ended. Point being, these are not the statistics of a show watched by on twelve million people.

Rainn Wilson might get a spinoff for his Dwight Schrute character. I am kind of on the fence about this. Dwight is, in a landslide, my favorite entity on The Office. But he’s so abnormal and borderline deranged (Dwight, not Rainn…as far as I know) that an entire series revolving around him as the central figure could become somewhat nauseating and unbearable. Sort of like a friend you may have had in college that you really liked but could never live with due to contrasting personalities.

Speaking of The Office, BJ Novak who’s a writer and plays Ryan The (former) Temp has to undertake a change in his role. If you recall, Ryan got promoted to corporate to fill Jan’s void after she was disgracefully fired, and Novak is planning on basing his newfound power on a parody of NBC’s new entertainment president, Ben Silverman. Which actually makes sense, Ryan has illustrated a love for the sauce on several occasions and Silverman reportedly maintains a similar lifestyle.

Everyones favorite bio of the inner-workings of an NFL team’s season, Hard Knocks, is back with the Kansas City Chiefs. Which means Herm Edwards is prominently involved, which means I’m ecstatic to see his eyes buldge out of his head. Over/under on the number of times he hits the lens of the camera? Two, three times an episode?

John From Cinncinati only retained a little over a fourth of The Sopranos reported audience on Sunday with 3.4 million viewers. Swing and a miss. On the other hand, I did catch the two actors from Flight of The Concords perform one of their songs on Letterman on Monday (their band goes by the same name). Let me just say this, it is a two man group, and whats the first act that comes to mind in this situation? Tenacious D, and I cannot stand Tenacious D. This, however, had me laughing, a bit hysterically come to think of it.

(I know I promised a review of John From Cincinnati, but I haven’t had the time nor the want to critically watch something new on HBO. Maybe tonight.)

Drama gets a love interest on the upcoming season of Entourage. Great. So between Eric, Turtle, and now Drama, we’ll have one single character left amongst the main hub. This series really needs to be about making films and landing unattainable women. Sorry, but none of these guys (with the possible exception of Drama) are interesting enough to concern myself with there love lives.

Well, I am trying to move on, but judging by the limited amount of the noteworthy happenings in the industry, the rest of the television world isn’t quite ready. Back later with a Rescue Me preview.

Just one last Sopranos post (save for the recap on Friday, of course) to cover up some loose ends that may have gone overlooked in lieu of the flummoxing conclusion.

-I really thought we had seen the last of Junior, but I guess a confrontation between him and Tony was necessary. After all, Jun is his uncle and did attempt to murder him. Twice (once lucid and once senile). Tony’s look of dismay walking away from their encounter spoke to the core of Tony’s concerns about aging. The realization that Junior had no recollection of anything he had done (with the exception of some deeply embedded family affairs) reminded me of Tony’s experience as Kevin Finnerty and his diagnosis with Alzheimers. Though I believe Tony still holds Junior responsible for shooting him, as he said to Melfi, “I know all too much about the subconscious”. Whether or not that is a valid application in these circumstances, it’s probably how Tony would feel.

-Speaking of which, Tony probably never would have went to visit Junior had his sister not attempted to steal money from Bobby’s kids. A vile bitch till the bitter end. Even Tony, as superficial and unfounded as he may be, occasionally exudes some signs of humanitarianism. Janice? No such luck. Even in the wake of her husbands death Janice’s primary concern is unlimited Klondike bars in the freezer.

-And finally, Paulie. Probably the funniest, and, ironically enough, the most sadistic character this side of Richie Aprile, Ralph Cifaretto and the aforementioned Janice Soprano (whom dated the other two). Can you imagine what happens to the Jersey faction of La Cosa Nostra should Paulie be the default leader? I feel like the irrelevant would be stressed, such as mandatory hairstyles and shoe wear. At the very least we know that cat will meet its demise in the most unsavory manner. For the most part, he had a suitable ending. Or as suitable as it could be not involving death. He gets a promotion, is talked out of his phobia(s) and intimidates everyone not named Soprano.
It actually has been speculated on the internets about Paulie ratting to the feds, hence his worrisome nature about the cat (It’s symbolic, people). This seems like a stretch, especially since nothing else was explained, but anything is possible, even a stray cat exposing the insecurities of a mobster. In all honesty, I’m not sure of the significance of the cat, I’ve heard theories but none of them sound plausible in The Sopranos metaphorical lexicon. So we’ll just leave it be and see if we can concoct something before the recap is posted on Friday.

With that said, I think I’ve bled this episode dry. Links and a possible Rescue Me quasi-preview coming tomorrow.

Anyhow, we will try not to comment again on “Made In America” until Friday, but I’m making no such promises.