Grid Effect

This is what happens when you bring a man widely responsible for Daddy Day Camp to direct two of your episodes. Not to say these episodes were terrible or tame (anything but), but the jokes and situations seemed to resonate less than they have in the past.

For those who don’t know, the director of Daddy Day Camp is Fred Savage. Better known as Kevin Arnold from The Wonder Years. After these two projects, jumping into a series as explicit as IASIP seems very Bob Saget-esque. And these episodes were anything other than straight and narrow. One did a satire on sweatshop labor and in the other Charlie befriended and got engaged to a twelve year-old, whom he assumed was twenty-one because her father (a woman dressed like Kim Jong-Il) had her tending bar.

This is the downside to this series, because at its ceiling, there is seldom anything funnier on television (see the “dumpster baby” and “Hostage” episodes from this season). But when it bombs, it tends to look like tonights first episode, “The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty McGoo”.

It had its moments with the steam whistle, Charlie stealing mounds of clothing from a store while pretending to listen to Dee when she was feeling inadequate that her friend from high school owned the store they were shopping in, Dennis’ reaction to Dee claiming he had peaked, his description of himself to Judy Greer, Charlie Day’s physical comedy when Mac offered him a piece of jerky. But it wasn’t consistently laugh out loud funny like the four preceding it were. Still, I’m not going to complain too much, anytime an episode revolves around a series of lies and deceit its generally a half-hour well spent, despite how many dry spells the episode had where I felt more uncomfortable than humored.

The second episode, “The Gang Solves The North Korea Problem”, was an improvement, but still seemed like it was lacking something. I think when all five characters pair off, or are preoccupied with different things, the episode suffers. Certainly they all have their own agendas, but when those agendas are in different arenas, it seems almost like the writing gets too disjointed and they don’t know what to focus they’re efforts on.

They look innocent enough, but they’ll rip your heart out for a 5-spot.

There was still plenty to enjoy about this episode. Including the American Idol parody, Dee’s constant failure and discouragement (she took it on the chin this hour and I almost started to feel bad for someone on this show, she needs some girl friends), Charlie’s thoughts on kissing, the “enriched beer”, the duster jacket, Charlie and Dennis trying to knock down the “Private” (not pirate) door, followed by Dennis letting out a boastful “Nice” when he spin-kicked it and Charlie subsequently threw his entire upper-torso into it. But again, one too many dry spells where bits seemed to either fall flat or drone on for too long. When something drones on this series, it only lasts around a minute and a half, but they talk at such rampant speeds it seems never ending.

Really, while I wouldn’t completely write these episodes off, I wouldn’t recommend anyone unfamiliar with the series to start with them, nor would I expect anyone who watched the series for the first time last night to continue to watch. Just a (very small) bump in the road, I am fully confident we get back to the constant funny next Thursday. I’m not sure how I’m going to adjust to only one new episode in three weeks.

An enjoyable night of television last night. Ashley the pretend wrestler went home on Survivor, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia pushed the envelope yet again, and Mad Men came back with a vengeance. Good God, that series is simultaneously abnormal, vexing, ambiguous and disheartening. Really, nothing better on television.

But enough of this, to the post at hand…

“The energy were using to keep Meredith alive could be used to run a ceiling fan for two whole days. You tell me, who’s immoral here?”

I completely forgot how much I enjoyed this series during its hiatus, but the above line from Dwight Schrute definitely reminded me. That, my friends, is how a dramedy (sorry, that’s what it is now) should return, with an hour chock full of Rainn Wilson spouting out preposterous philosophies on euthaniasia and using them to kill his girlfriends cat, who was on an absurd amount of medicine and had probably seen better days. Personally, all I could think of was Mike Vick during this entire storyline (i.e. when a pet no longer serves a purpose, you dispose of it). I mean, Dwight even said himself, “I’m a farm boy, we farmers were raised to do things city-folk don’t have the stomach for, when an animal no longer provides milk or meat or wool, then you kill it”.

Still, it delivered the best comedic moments, particularly the back alley meeting between Dwight and Angela who were skeptical of Meredith’s cracked pelvis she sustained when Michael accidentally hit her with his car in the parking lot. Was Michael concerned for Meredith? Of course, but he was more worried about the hit to his own reputation, and inoculated himself when they discovered she had rabies from Dwight wrapping her head in a trash bag with a bat in it, which seems like years ago. Dwight’s explanation, “Just doing my job”.

Anyhow, much to the chagrin of his entire office, Michael uses the discovery to raise awareness about the rabies epidemic. Aside from Kelly who is still depressed about Ryan leaving her, and Creed, Stanley (Oh yeah, I’m going to work out, I’m going to work out not racing in a race for some ridiculous cause) and Oscar who skip out for drinks, everyone participates. Over the course of the race to raise awareness for a disease that’s already been cured, Andy bleeds profusely from his tape covered nipples, Toby meets a personal challenge, Dwight reveals to Angela he killed her cat, Michael struggles to finish and with his ineffective philanthropy, and Jim and Pam hit up a garage sale.

The jig is up

Which brings us to the most tedious part of the show, but I appreciate how the writers are handling it: The Office Romance. Jim and Pam attempted to be discrete about it for the first 20-25 minutes, but when the camera man caught them, they at least let the viewer in on the non-secret. This storyline is necessary to keep the attention of their core audience, but it seemed to still be on the back burner (or at least as much as it could with two of their three main characters involved), which I appreciate. Not to say it doesn’t have its moments, the exchange they had about the 5K race for rabies awareness was hilarious (paraphrasing):

Jim: So, how are you approaching this race?
Pam: Oh, I’m going to run fast, then I’m going to run faster, then I’m going to finish really fast.
Jim: Really? Why don’t more people do that?
Pam: Because they’re stupid.

So, the relationship tinge of this episode didn’t kill it. In fact I’d argue it enhanced it. Which is a credit to Jenna Fischer and John Krasinski. Or, at least, it beats the hell out of them pussy-footing around their mutual affection, now at least its less of a distraction, and they can be happy and whatnot instead half of all episodes being clouded with melancholy behavior.

Other notes:

-My only complaint? I could have done without the Pam consoling and reassuring Michael scene. We sort of already saw this in the fourth episode last season, “Grief Counseling”, and it felt rehashed.

-No word on what happened to Karen, or if it was mentioned in passing I completely missed it. She was in the promos, but maybe that’s the extent of her role now. Either way, she is definitely no longer an employee of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton.

-For the first time I can remember, Creed’s creepy ramblings were overshadowed by everyone’s visceral reaction to them. His inquiries about the painkillers Meredith was receiving proved a vast knowledge of prescription medication.

-Michael’s solution to sacrifice an animal to un-curse the office had me harking back to the “Woodland Christmas Critters” episode of South Park.

-In his newfound executive position, Ryan wasn’t nearly as smarmy as I expected him to be. Smarmy, yes, but not anywhere near as bad as I would have figured.

Definitely a strong episode, and beside a two minute scene there isn’t really anything I’d cut out or change. Solidifying the case that this show should be extended to an hour regularly. The first few episodes are going to be an hour, so its a nice trial run to see if the show can hold up. Either way, its nice to have it back, if only they could move it to a less occupied night.

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia recap and hopefully I can finally get to some links later today.

Unfortunately, much like Journeyman, we are opting to pass on the NBC pilot Life. Not that the series looked any better or worse than the following two, we just couldn’t squeeze in a 10-20 minute viewing of it at lunch, and with all the television on tonight, we’re not going to be able to make it up. At least it was in consideration unlike last night’s fourth series premiere, Private Practice.

This seems like as good of a time as any to note that we’re not reviewing any pilots from tonight. As of now, we chronicle the developments of five different series on this website:
Mad Men
Survivor
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia
The Office
Curb Your Enthusiasm

Four of which (specifically, the first four) are on Thursday nights. The spacing is awful, but with American Idol yet to kick off their new season, every network is trying to grab some ratings before the infamous talent show hoards them all.

Onto the pilots…

First off, Dirty Sexy Money (DSP). The basic premise is a lawyer, Nick (Peter Krause) is struggling establish an identity divergent from that of his father, and not prioritize work over family. He promises to never work for the family he ultimately will end up working for, The Darlings, headed by Donald Sutherland (Patrick). Apparently they’re all money grubbing, power hungry sycophants. They are composed of some woman named Julia who is the Paris Hilton of the group, with Jeremy as the burnt out Robert Downey, dramatic approximation of Lucille Bluth and a priest whom we would assume to be the most noble, but is actually brattier than the rest of the pack. They’re like a cross between the Trumps and the Baldwins.

Guest starring Peter Bogdonavich, has someone named Seth Gabel, who I’m sure has some relation to me because 99.99% of people with the same pronunciation spell it “Gable”. Christ, even Firefox’s spell check recognizes the latter. Anyways, the only other recognizable face is uninteresting blond who was replaced by Rex Lee from the first season of Entourage, Samarie Armstrong.

There were some things I found incredibly pretentious about this series. Namely, hammering home what a great guy Nick the lawyer is. His annoying ex-girlfriend is still regretting whatever mistakes they made four husbands ago. Donald Sutherland figuratively performs oral on him explaining how his own children don’t measure up to our selfless hero. Essentially, the efficacy of his nobleness was ruined by the presentation. He’s supposed to be like a flawless Don Draper, which doesn’t rest well with me. Because, well, he’s a lawyer.

But, with all that said, the series, on a whole, looks solid. It takes a lot for me to look beyond my disdain for ABC’s typical prime time decisions to say that. Hence why I’m refusing to even acknowledge the lead in to this, Private Practice. I haven’t decided if I’m going to keep watching it or not, let me finish the rest of the pilot and I’ll fill y’all in next weekend.

Next up, NBC’s Bionic Women, Essentially, its like Heroes with more government intervention and instead of a smorgasbord of superheroes, there is emphasis on just one. And wow, this is opening up a little too much like Cane for my taste, with a swat team running in on a blond women leaning over a dead man, as they run past several other men she presumably murdered. She says, “tell me you love me”, he shoots her when she lunges at him, he stands over her body and says “I love you” as he puts a bullet in her eyes…

Then it fast forwards three year to a brunette version of the same woman who looks and awful lot like Neve Campbell. She has a kid, and a boyfriend who wants to get married because apparently she is pregnant with a second child, and convinced this poor bastard its actually his.

Anyhow, they get into a car accident discussing the kids names, that isn’t shot anywhere near as well those Volkswagen commercials. And, as a result of said accident, she’s going to turn into the womanimal we saw to open the series. Oh, the guy who killed the last woman from three years beforehand is sitting in on a conference meeting and wants to kill this woman, whose boyfriend is in on the meeting and is obviously opposed.

Alright, I’m fast forwarding through all of this, because its quite obvious where this is heading, the woman is being held against her will and is livid about it, eventually she’s going to realize her “powers” or whatever, then decide to use them for good, while contemplating using them for evil, or, as some hippies might call it, self-interest. It’s the moral ambiguity NBC dramas are usually famous for, just executed horrendously.

The last scene ends with her and some hot blond fighting in the rain, both are terrible actresses. The blond, especially, or maybe its the writing, which is bloody awful. They actually have this exchange:

Brunette (looking concerned): What do you want?
Blond (looking antagonistic, confident and an attempt is made at menacing): Jogging partner, maybe.

See, there isn’t much anyone can do with this, and everything precluding and following this is just as insufferable. But I will say it seems like the writers and cast deserve each other on this one. It’s a bad thing when we’re pining for the storytelling of Dirty Sexy Money, but we are. Essentially, its like Heroes with more government intervention and instead of a smorgasbord of superheroes, there is emphasis on just one.

Well, that is some odd grammar being thrown around in the episode title. Appropriate I suppose, for an American television series being shot in China. And honestly, the landscape is a welcomed change to the scenic yet generic tropical setting that we’ve endured over the years. Still, this was something of a wasted hour.

The first post I ever wrote for this website was about the blandness of early Survivor episodes, and there is/was no reason to think this was any different. They reduced the number of contestants from twenty and eighteen back down to sixteen, but its still too many to track, and the only ones that are put into focus are those that will end up being on the chopping block.

But what did we learn this episode? Well, we learned China’s countryside (proper terminology?) is fucking gorgeous yet uninviting. There are few to no likable contestants (minus James the introverted, muscle-bound gravedigger) including a Christian talk show host, a chicken farmer who nicknamed himself after his work, a Chinese woman named Phei-Gee, whom everyone is just referring to as PG, a female WWE wrestler (Meaning she more or less exposes her breast implants, which are egregious, and roles around in a ring a few times a week), a poker player and a bunch of doughy white guys, among others. In other words: really few distinguishable participants.

Wait, who the hell are these people? Are they contestants? Or the production crew? Are they lost? I swear I’ve never seen these people in my life.

The Buddhist Monk ceremony that opened the episode really exposed some people, particularly a conceited waitress from New York, who is more boastful of simply living in New York than perhaps anything else in her life. She actually made a correlation between being a waitress in the city to being a snotty little bitch in these people’s temple of worship. Both of which, though her perspective is probably slightly different than mine, are probably connected in more ways than she realizes. The Christian radio show host was a bit uncomfortable and walked out, which I suppose is fine though could be interpreted as intolerant by some, generally the intolerant. But the comment she made summarizing the scenario, claiming she isn’t necessarily a spiritual person despite only kneeling before Jesus, in addition to having her profession labeled right under her nose on the Survivor heading, was a bit befuddling.

So, there’s that, plus the people who were dressed so ill-equipped that you would assume these people were hand selected and didn’t audition. The wrestler showed up in these tall, elaborate wrestling boots that I can only assume are part of her costume, another girl arrived sans bra and everyone was shocked when they had to leave behind their luggage. Really, everyone is fairly unimpressive upon first impression and I’m not too enamored with anyone yet, certainly no Yul’s in this bunch.

She certainly has our attention. But to be frank, she was somewhat peripheral until the camera caught her floating downstream.

Anyways, the challenge consists of the team running through an obstacle course with one of those paper dragon things you always see in Jet Li movies. The red team takes it home, the yellow team goes back deflated and uncertain, though the vote comes down to PG for being an unstable wreck, Chicken for indecisiveness, and the wrestler for being sick and seemingly alarmist. The vote goes as such:
Chicken
Ashley (wrestler)
Ashley
PG
Chicken
Chicken
Chicken

We discover one other vote went towards Ashley and Chicken totaled five. If its of any advice to him, the mumbling probably didn’t help his cause. He lets out an emphatic “Daamn!” when his name is read on that fourth card that causes Ashley and others around her to jump. That WWE just can’t catch a PR break.

In his parting words, Chicken is shocked (SHOCKED!), he tells us, that the young group didn’t come together, and he predictably predicts their untimely competitive demise. He expresses gratitude for CBS picking up the tab and flying him to the other side of the world.

Tonight: The poker player is called out on his laziness and suggests they all rest. So he’s obviously stoned, because only a damn retard would suggest such a thing in such a situation. And Ashley McBreast Augmentation is awarded with the seasons first blurred anatomical feature. Congrats.

Too tired to watch crap television last night, at lunch we’ll watch portions of the three pilots we recorded and give a very, very succinct review of each one later today.

First off, it doesn’t look like were going to be able to squeeze in Journeyman. Not that we can’t find the time, or that we have anything better to do: we don’t. But the series looks so unappealing that were just going to delete it from the DVR and pretend it doesn’t exist. So, sorry Journeyman fans, we know you’re a vast demographic but were going to cut our losses before there are any to speak of.

The alluded to pilot in question is Cane, its like The Sopranos with sugar and Cubans, and less even writing and patience. In the pilot, something significant happens to every major character, and there are close to a couple hundred of them. Its good to see their attempting to refute that “Latinos live in huddled masses” stereotype. Seriously, they may live in a mansion and run a fortune 500, but that house still can’t comfortably hold all these characters that we’re already supposed to care about. Christ. At least The Wire used an entire city, this series seldom leaves the patriarch’s estate.

There was a lot wrong with this series. For starters, it was entirely too frantic, especially for a pilot. Keeping the characters straight or their relation to each other is damn near impossible, so the best solution is to just assume the age difference defines the relationship. And for all of its anxiousness, the episode was pretty bland. And really, Is the sugar cane business so dramatic? If you saw this, then watched Syriana, you’d think the oil trade runs smoothly. Speaking of which, The writers are pretty convinced on the ability of sugar ethanol to run our cars on an international scale. If Cane can solve the world’s energy crisis, then I’ll take back everything I said in this post.

There are a few recognizable faces. Well, two actually. Jimmy Smits, and Tobias Beecher is a head of a rival company with a Texas accent. He seems believable in the role. Maybe Miguel Alvarez will show up. Oh wait, I forgot, he’s Italian.

In an episode where the son decides to skip college, the daughter illegally goes to a club, a family mystery is revealed and a pivotal familial decision is made, this is the most exciting picture on their website. The should put together a collage of all the plot points.

The technical elements of this show are fairly sub-par. Are they really going to jump in and out of languages like this? I appreciate the stab at realism, but this isn’t The Godfather. Obviously. They could keep Jimmy Smits and his scowling at the camera to one language and I’d buy it. Like every CBS series, there isn’t a heavy focus on character development, the plot fires right up with some psychedelic flashback scenes, man. And we learn that the dad’s sister was murdered by someone who’s looking to buy their sugar company or some such nonsense when she was three years old…Seems like a valid enough reason to Mike Vick him, much less not allow him to profit off of you. But the shows approach is akin to, “This sort of thing happens all the time in the sugar trade, you simpleton”, so I guess its innocuous.

This series is a whirlwind of dramatics. They should really put the breaks on all of this development to make it more palpable with the audience. Everything is so supposed to be a major development but comes off as insignificant considering we’ve known each character for roughly five or six minutes. I mean, Jimmy Smits has already confronted the guy about murdering his aunt. This is entirely too eventful for one episode. Its all in flashbacks as well, how un-The Wire of them. Meaning, the writers/producers have no faith in the acumen of their audience.

Anyhow, someone is murdered to close the episode while the family watches fireworks. I have no idea who the victim is, probably because there hasn’t been enough time for me to care. God, this show is like 24 without the time constraints. They could really learn something from Mad Men, or any FX dramatic series for that matter.

Man, it’s shit like this that makes one thankful for football season. For the next couple weeks here, I’m going to try and subside my distaste for broadcast network television and review some pilots this fall. Today we’re looking at The Big Bang Theory and Chuck, we’ll try to get to Journeyman later. I am not too happy about any of this, but they should be easy to criticize, and the writing practically takes care of itself. Sorry for remembering so few names, but other than for the sake of this post, the motives were lacking.

First up, The Big Bang Theory, it centers on two guys walking around or sitting around their apartment discussing the scientifically trivial or their new neighbor, whom they’re all tongue-tied around because she’s an attractive blond. You know its going to be somewhat (or extremely) formulaic when they clarify that despite living together, they are, indeed, heterosexual. Homophobia, you crazy mensch, is there any mediocrity that you do not attempt to remedy?

Outside of two of the geeks friends that visit periodically, and an appearance from attractive neighbor’s ex-boyfriend (who steals the two geeks pants when they attempt to retrieve her television), this is your show. In short, I was tired of the gimmick before they rolled the credits.

Every actor in the pilot is familiar, but I can’t put any names to faces. All the jokes revolve around stereotypical geek or ditzy blond behavior. Hence why she is more oblivious of their awkwardness than seems humanly possible. The petty technical math debates are tedious and boring. The one, Kenny (I think) is entirely too socially inept and unwilling to adjust that it makes him hard to sympathize with, not to mention he’s walking around in his pajamas. The guy is giving a decent performance, but its so one note and relentless that at the eleven minute mark we’ve already decided to not watch this beyond the pilot.

The girl is too dense for words, the personality difference between her and the other two is too vast, meaning if they invited her over for lunch (as they did), she would have been conjuring up an excuse to leave within two minutes tops, not asking to shower at their apartment (as she did). There also isn’t any explanation why the two geeks would be friends with one another. They’re both geeks, but one is so much more socially ambitious than the other that I’d hope they eventually give some back story. Either way, the premise is so washed up and the humor is so repetitive that we probably won’t be around to find out. Is that shortsighted and unfair? Probably, but being shortsighted and unfair tends to save us a lot of time on writing.

At least it was only a half hour, because the only thing I was asking myself during Chuck is, “why the hell is this a full hour long?” It appears that this is an unpopular opinion, but while this show wasn’t nearly as detestable as Big Bang Theory, it certainly wasn’t something we were enamored with. Like, in any way.

For starters, The inconsistencies with Chuck (lead character) are abundant, and annoying. He dropped out of Stanford and lives with his sister, who’s a doctor, apparently. He seems to suffer a little anxiety when at a party where they explain the premise, but unlike the other two characters in Big Bang, he displays a certain degree of social aptitude and normalcy that contradicts his lifestyle, until he goes off on a tangent about his ex-girlfriend. His Brother-in-law or whatever (could be boyfriend to sister) is a complete meat head, essentially an aging frat boy scampering around saying things like “not awesome” or “awesome”. He’s a doctor as well, meaning these doctors are all of the Grey’s Anatomy variety (Has anyone working on these shows ever even met a doctor?).

Chuck’s former college roommate who stole his girlfriend (and apparently the sole reason for Chuck’s apathy five years later) is now a highly trained assassin for some government agency. We are introduced to him leaping off buildings and what have you, it seems like he’s going to be a pivotal part of this series, but dies after sending an email to Chuck, that somehow uploads numerous Government secrets into his brain. Yes, I’m serious.

After watching that action sequence, the setting and tone of the series is dull. Like a cross between Life of Brian and 24, two shows existences that I’m publicly opposed to. This series is created by Josh Schwartz, so maybe replacing Life of Brian with OC would be more apt. Either way, the reaction is not a positive one. All of the technical aspects of this pilot, combined with the theme song (that anxiety inducing “bong-with-the-bong-di bang-da-bang-boogie” track) that is in every “hip” movie and television show nowadays that this series plays ad nauseam, I was ready to switch over to the Monday night game.

Some of the scenes I was put off by: there was a really weird interlude where Chuck films a girl-ballerina dancing in the store because her dad forgot to put digital film in camcorder at her recital. The entire scene seemed like a contrivance put in place for the female agent (who was looking on and Chuck was unaware of her at the time) to see what a great guy Chuck is. There was an odd scene with Chuck dancing with the agent (whom he still believed to be nothing more than a date) where he’s all lightheaded or something, and she is impaling people with sharp objects she pulls off her person without him noticing.

It’s fucking bizarre, and hence the 24 reference. The show requires me to suspend too much disbelief to take seriously. And if its not completely offbeat like the two aforementioned scenes, it’s a textbook cliche (is that redundant?). Like, for example, a scene atop a parking garage with guns drawn between the CIA, the NSA, and Chuck figuring out what’s happening to him as everyone goes full disclosure to avoid any bloodshed. This is spliced with scenes of a military lecturer who’s about to be assassinated and Chuck somehow sees all of these plans through the information that has been downloaded in his brain. He’s like the male equivalent of the robot or whatever from Weird Science. I am guessing by episode seven of this series it all turns out to be some sort of conspiracy orchestrated by the white house.

There are a few lame running gags, including the one about Chuck’s best friend/coworker having a crush on his married to a fellow doctor sister. He was by far my favorite character throughout the hour, the only time I laughed was when Chuck was walking towards his boss to put in his notice for a promotion with some dramatic “showdown” type music playing, and we discover its Chuck’s friend that has turned up a stereo in the store, when he turns the music off. It even made me look past the fact that Chuck was applying for a promotion immediately after discovering he’s now working on call with the CIA.

Chuck is in deep with nary a confidante

With a series like Chuck, the appeal is understandable. In the same vein as Heroes or 24 or Lost, they seem to substitute quality acting and writing, and logic; with lightheartedness and physical attractiveness. This has all the makings of a series that will score a large Nielsen rating, but it’s just not for us, despite our favoritism for NBC over their three primary competitors.

Back with some links tomorrow, maybe a word or two about some other new series’.

That’s a long-winded title. The longest I can recall at that. I guess its appropriate since Larry is now a notch below a sadist. Usually I can defend Larry’s unpopular actions, but stealing flowers from a memoriam for a woman hit by a car is indefensible. The show treated it as such, though, and it led to some comedic high jinks that made it forgivable. Still, it just seemed…harsh, for a Curb episode.

Not to say I didn’t enjoy it. Marty Funkhouser is one of the more offbeat side characters. Whereas everyone burst into hysterics when dealing with Larry, he has a stoic delivery and looming persona that manages to be threatening and non-threatening at the same time, and it’s a nice change of pace. His basic decency which sometimes delve into overt sentimentalism (though this was not one of those instances) often clashes with Larry’s self-serving behavior. So when Larry opened the door to see Funkhouser coldly standing there immediately after Larry stole the flowers, we assume he knows about what transpired. But know, that’s just his natural look, and given how large he is, it can be quite intimidating. Especially when he’s trying to force a sweaty $50 bill on you.

Larry was in rare form last night. Voicing complaints about over-usage of free store and restaurant samples, stealing flowers he gave to a dean of admissions at a middle school (that he took from the memorial) and dismissing Funkhouser’s claim that they were best friends (maybe my favorite exchange of the season). Even when he is in the right or thoughtful in some way, he still takes an earful from someone (this time its the displaced family he brought in and his wife about only bringing back ice cream for Cheryl and forgetting about the family).

The scene in the perfume store was a bit heavy-handed, with Larry just screaming insanely about the inefficiency of two checkout lines as opposed to one line for two separate counters. It reminded me of the first season where he was lecturing everyone in the waiting room about the appointment time-sign in conundrum at the doctors, which was much funnier because everyone was following the credo of being silent in the doctors office, and he answered his own questions to further mock his beleaguered psuedo-audience’s adherence to the unwritten rule (funny how selective he is with these unwritten rules).

Other notes:

-That was an odd reaction from Jeff following Larry’s accidental sabotage of their meeting with the school dean. Has he ever lashed out like that? I can recall a few such instances where he might have shown contempt, but since he is an employee of Larry’s (and a meal ticket, essentially), he always bit his tongue.

It appears as though the ban has been lifted

-Speaking of defending Larry, is anyone going to demonstrate any appreciation for him bringing in a displaced family? Not that people should be fawning over his generosity or anything, but a little acknowledgment would go a long way, particularly from said family.

-I like how Larry preordains in the morning that he wants sex, then spends the entire day working towards it, then reverts back to his normal personality the following morning. Is this what happens when you’re married and faithful in your fifties?

-Can’t throwing a worthwhile sum of money on the ground be enough of a deterrent to get anyone out of an uncomfortable situation in public?

All in all, a good episode. They’re certainly trying to be innovative, and not just going through the motions like they were seemingly doing last season.

Damn, so how do I convey something that was twisted, heinous, inappropriate and hilarious without sounding like I need to be committed myself? I know, I’ll go on a preamble about how I do not agree with any of the actions of the characters, but am highly amused by their callous indifference to those around them.

There, now that I can write with impunity, how about the gang celebrating the death of one of their parents? Huh? Was that fucking hilarious or what? Nothing like following up tripping on acid and treating an infant found in a dumpster as a commodity, with kidnapping two college students and figuring out how to screw over your awful, deceased mother/ex-wife. This show, obviously, is merciless.

The first episode, bluntly titled, “Dennis and Dee’s Mom Is Dead” really emphasizes how these are people you’d rather watch than encounter. They’re so self-absorbed, the woman’s death only inspires Frank and Dee to enact revenge against their ex-wife/mother by hoping to coerce Dee’s biological father out of the fortune she left him. To which he turns the tables and ends up marrying the two of them while they’re trying to prove they’re a real couple, and confiscates the video of Frank on Dennis’ estate, left to him by his mother under the bylines that he never let her ex-husband on the property.

The physical acting is kind of what carries this episode. The mannerisms and reactions of Dennis, Charlie and Mac while searching for new friends to live on their “legacy” really accentuate the awkwardness I’m sure their unsuspecting victims were feeling. It would have been nice to see Dee in on this scheme, but who has time for that when pining to dig up your mother for the jewelery she was buried with?

The second episode was actually tame in comparison. In “The Gang Gets Held Hostage”, the McPoyle’s, supposedly exacting their own revenge for the debilitation of their cousin last week at Eagles camp, burst into the bar (the two main ones and the sister with the uni-brow). This episode just revolved around how self-involved each of the characters are. They each, at one point or another, sold each other out to save their own ass.

Speaking of which, there were a number of parodies in this episode. Most notably with Die Hard when one of the McPoyle’s fell off the roof. Also, Dee running around the bar forming “alliances” with Charlie and Dennis in a satirical reference to Survivor (appropriate since the reality show’s 15th season premiered last night); and a psuedo-parody of the movie Hostage with Charlie and Frank climbing through the vents (or at least that is what it reminded me of, seems a tad obscure compared to the other two references).

This episode is also nominated for the most horrifying scene in television history, when Dennis attempts (and succeeds) at seducing the deaf-mute sister of the two brothers. Her only response to anything in this episode is to stick her tongue in a lizard-like fashion, and she does so here. Then with the McPoyle busting into the room and asking what’s going on, and Dennis saying “nothing”, then the McPoyle replying, “It doesn’t look like nothing, but for the record I’m into it”. Ugh. I almost died from laughter or disgust.

In addition to most horrifying scene, the arguably the funniest scene in this series’ history was in this episode. And it was nothing more than Charlie and Mac talking in the bathroom while the deaf-mute looked on. From Charlie’s dismissal, to determining whether or not the deaf-mute can read lips, to arguing over the Frank’s will, I was in stitches.

Anyhow, it ends when they find out there were no cops haggling on the phone, then discover the guns in question were rubber and the entire thing was a practical joke. It is actually satisfying to see a group of scumbags duped by an inbred family, restoring some justice in the world.

Note: With so much quality television on Thursday nights (IASIP, Survivor, Mad Men and The Office), we’re moving the links up to Wednesday or Tuesday. Sorry for the late notice, enjoy the weekend.

Stumbling through a post a couple days ago, it dawned on me that the parallels between The Sopranos and Rescue Me have been almost inarguable. From major plot points to character deaths to structural changes, the assertion the Rescue Me is The Sopranos with firemen is not just a loose analogy, but a defining tag line. We are going to compare and contrast the two series’ up through their first four seasons, one season at a time. Let’s look at the similarities, shall we?

Season one of The Sopranos invoked Tony’s conflicted yet sociopath mentality and made the audience sympathetic towards his plight, turning him into a brand of everyman that struggled with home life as much as work. It was, for much of the time, rooted in dark humor as much as it was in drama. Before Paulie learned to cry over his non-mother he was a caricature of a traditional Italian gangster that rarely sported more than a jumpsuit, and his crass simplicity was a defining characteristic. Before AJ was trying to drown himself over a Yeats poem and complaining about the excesses of capitalism, he was the kid cursing the lack of ziti at his birthday party. In short, this series rarely approached addressing the human condition in its first two seasons. It was primarily plot driven, and though it contained subtext and Freudian themes and questioned the legitimacy of contemporary American institutions, it was basically a lighthearted “dramedy” about a mob boss whom we cheered when he told off his mother after she sustained a minor stroke.

Season one of Rescue Me, though rooted in comedy, was much more heavy-handed with its drama. The basic premise was New York firefighters coping with their lives and the immediate fallout from 9/11. Whereas Tony was a criminal millionaire and Tommy Gavin was a working stiff, we knew that despite regularly operating within the confines of the law, Tommy had his own demons to battle. Namely, alcoholism and sleeping with his cousin Jimmy’s widow, whom he regularly saw in his dreams. And while his moral quandaries never ventured into the territory of whether or not to murder someone, they were certainly despicable in that he was even contemplating them.

Tommy and Tony also bout depression in their pilot seasons (and cope with it throughout the series). Tony sought psychiatry at his doctor’s insistence, and Tommy’s mental health was self-medicated with varying forms of alcohol. While Tommy was suffering from survivor’s guilt and the estrangement of his family, Tony was having a difficult time coping with his criminal life, his mother (though not even realizing it) and the notion that the best is behind him and those who, um, procure his lifestyle.

As evidenced by the depression, both characters were burdened with major familial issues, struggling on both ends of the parent-child spectrum. Tommy lost his mother and resorted to little more than bribes and blackmail to extort information from his children about their mother’s boyfriend(s). Tony, still together with his wife, sought therapy after a panic attack and spent the majority of the time exploring his childhood and the volatile relationship he had with his mother, Livia. And he struggled with the everyday detail of child-rearing, balancing the modern (his wife’s and the schools preference) and the traditional (his preference) approaches.

In the non-blood relations of the family, Tony dealt with his best friend possibly turning against him and the managerial aspects of his title of “mob boss”. Keeping everyone in line while humoring them enough so should they ever get arrested for any charge, they won’t turn government witness. Tommy was greeted by his ghost cousin, Jimmy, who offered him advice on his day-to-day life, and wanted information about his wife, Sheila. Whom Tommy saw on a regular basis. Jimmy also regularly provided comedic relief, as did Tony’s friend, Big Pussy (the same friend he was worried about turning to the FBI). Both characters also lost friends, the only difference being Tony was usually responsible for his friends’ deaths, and fires were responsible for Tommy’s. The one exception would be Jackie Aprile, Tony’s long time friend and mob boss who died from cancer early in season one.

There were subplots in both series as well. Chris Moltisanti was the Rescue Me equivalent of Probie (Mike). Both struggling to earn recognition and respect from their mentors (this continues into season two), with little to know success Both series’ had confirmed bachelors in Franco and Paulie, and the protagonists both had “informants” somewhat isolated from the rest of the cast, with detective Mackie in The Sopranos and Johnny, Tommy’s brother, in Rescue Me.

And obviously, the themes were resoundingly similar. Issues dealing with death, aging, religion, family responsibility, generational differences and addiction, all in contemporary America. Season one for both series is often regarded as their magnum opus. And while I tend to disagree in regards to The Sopranos, its only because one and a half of their last two seasons I believe trumped their freshman effort, a point in the series which Rescue Me has yet to attain. And that, along with the strength of “Seven” and “Yaz” are the only reasons I’m coming back for season five.

Links and IASIP recap coming later.

Sorry for the late post, I arrived at work an hour late and my work suffers as a result. From now on lets just assume that if the post is going up around 10-10:30, it indicates punctuality, if not, it means I either got drunk last night (rarely the case on weekdays) or discovered my snooze alarm stops working after six hits.

Just a quick programming recommendation before we get to last weeks recap, there is no new Mad Men tonight. I thought about waiting until next Thursday to write this, but we’ll have a Survivor recap then, and I can’t be bogged down with two recaps in one day. But, if you’re looking for alternatives tonight, as indicated before Survivor: China is premiering at 8pm ET. It remains the only series this website follows on CBS, and that is one more than on FOX or ABC, that means you know it’s good. Also, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia is having back-to-back episodes again on FX tonight at 10pm ET. They will most certainly be reviewed tomorrow.

Now that all the hullabaloo is out of the way, we can get down to another classic Mad Men episode. This was probably the most Betty-centric episode we’ve seen as of late, and ironically the episode where Mathew Weiner’s The Sopranos influence was most evident. Really, despite living in modern day, contemporary America, Carmela Soprano always fancied herself a traditionalist. Sometimes in spite of her wishes, but generally that was just bullshit, she voluntarily adhered to the standard homemaker role that Betty is (forgive the pun) pigeonholed into. Betty, however, leaves no room for interpretation, she does not relish in her lifestyle but her options are limited, whereas Carmela chooses her domesticity (despite how much she might claim, or pretend, or lie to herself that there is something else she would rather be doing).

Obviously, between the similarities of the two female protagonists and the neighbors pigeons flying off from their confided pigeon-coop in Mad Men and Tony’s ducks abandoning him in the pilot of The Sopranos, one could probably have not even watched David Chases series and still have picked up on the similarities. Modeling for Betty is like the spec house for Carmela, only Betty is enabled to model by a job offer to her husband as opposed to Carmela being enabled by her husbands sins. The difference being, Don reluctantly supported Betty, while Tony attempted to sabotage any independent progress Carmela tried to make. He only agreed to the spec house after she started to question Adriana’s disappearance.

Not to say Don didn’t have any apprehension. When the neighbor threatened their kids with murdering their dog after Polly snagged one of the birds (in the scene that epitomized this shows budget), Don expressed a little dissent. But ultimately he seemed supportive, and later conveyed his primary concern wasn’t for his well being, but for that of his kids. So, at least if he was upset, it wasn’t self-serving. At least not entirely.

Now see, I was hoping to transition to something lighter, but such a thing doesn’t really exist on Mad Men. Outside of squabbles between Pete, and well, everybody, there is nothing easy going about Don’s life. As mentioned before, Don was offered a job by a supposedly larger firm, offering him accounts with noteworthy clients such as Pan-Am, and other perks along with golf clubs and memberships to the New York Athletic Club. The entire plot felt cheap and predictable, since there was never a chance that Don would leave Sterling-Cooper. At least not in this juncture of the series. But it did advance the notion that Don has aspirations beyond advertising, unlike so many of his counterparts. We are led to believe he turned down the offer because of the usage of his wife to attract him to their agency, which he categorized as, “not a big league move”. Really he looked seething over the whole ordeal, because he knew Betty was getting released from the Coca-Cola gig.

Even if he intended on staying, which all conventional wisdom suggests he did, he finagled his way into a a 150% salary increase. And in case you were wondering, $45,000 in 1960 comes out to $316,090.03 today after adjusting for inflation.

The entire incident with the larger company came to a head when Betty contrived some song and dance about wanting to focus on parenting so she quit the modeling under the guise of, “being scared”, and not liking “Manhattan by myself”. Don, being to sympathetic to call her out on her bullshit, and Betty, (presumably) knowing deep down that Don knows she is lying, silently agree to live on that lie and continue with the way things were. 1960, baby, remarkable how much changed in just a decade.

The other storyline, revolving around Pete and all of his insecurities, he managed to display one of his occasional flashes of brilliance with an innovative scheme for the Nixon campaign: coinciding it with ads for laxatives (nowadays a PR nightmare, can you imagine watching the Daily Show with something like this). Before coming up with the concept, when Peggy was being mocked behind her back for her weight gain amongst Pete and his friends, he participated in the jostling before walking off in a huff. After Charles and Roger congratulated him for his innovation (though immediately deflated by Don), he acts like such a prick its hard to find anything else redeeming about him, and you hate to see him experience any success. And that’s regardless of his demeanor being explained in “New Amsterdam”.

The scene with his secretary, Hildy, was just excruciating. He completely humiliated her to the cackling of his coworkers suggesting she, “lose the sour puss…I love watching you walk”. Then, fueled by ego and alcohol, he sucker-punched Ken after another off-color remark about Peggy. I don’t care what your impressions of this episode were, the non-visceral reaction from Don and Roger not even glancing at the scuffle had to salvage the episode for you.

Other notes-

-After the Bel-Jolie campaign went so well for Peggy, it seems like she is unconcerned about her appearance. While she should have every right to be, given the parlance of the times, she might want to listen to Joan. The confrontation between the two of them in the kitchen spoke in droves about their respective mindsets.

-It looks like Salvatore is back to the comic relief aspect of the series, at least in the short term. His line about being jealous of Jackie Kennedy was definitely the line of the night, especially on the heels “The Hobo Code”, when we saw how conflicted he is over his closeted sexuality. Poor bastard.

We’ll try to get to the promised Sopranos vs. Rescue Me post today, and the more I think about it, the more it seems like we should include Mad Men in this comparative essay.

Let me be completely honest here, there was no reason for us to wait an entire week to post this review. The only reason this is the practice for dramas is to serve as a refresher for the new episode on the same night. Obviously, this isn’t necessary for season/series finales. There are occasions when we do not adjust for finales, look at The Sopranos this year, of course we wrote two posts targeting specific issues in the final episode, but the actual recap was a week later, in order to keep schedule, and the fact there was so much to add to it, other than just a simple recap. So, one would think that we detested this finale. And one couldn’t be further from the truth.

But we’re actually just lazy, and found it immensely enjoyable. No, Tommy didn’t wake up from a coma and prove this season to be nothing more than an illustration of his subconscious (though we’re still not ruling that out), but several of the subplots were answered, the Gavin family stayed primarily sober (even at a fucking baseball game that included Teddy), black Sean and Colleen are mutually getting back at Tommy (this story could really go either way, they could be genuinely interested in one another, they could be on different plains or they could both be using each other), Franco executed probably the best revenge I’ve ever seen, Callie Thorne brought the house down with her pitch-perfect crazy-dramatic acting, Janet looks like she’s out of the picture for good, Lieu reconciled with his cousin and, last but not least, Pa Gavin died in the middle of a baseball game. Honestly, this is Rescue Me, did anyone think a significant death wouldn’t occur?

That last scene at the minor league baseball game, where Tommy seems to be having the first wholesome fun with his dad in years, really brought home how miserable many of these characters lives have been, particularly Pa’s. He’s an alcoholic, has a second family against his better judgement, treated his wife with nothing but disdain while she was alive, the felt nothing but heartache when she died, spent his twilight years trying to repent and frightened of his own mortality. He’s one of the more tragic figures on television, and now he’s gone. It’s a damn shame to, Charles Durning was handily the best dramatic actor in the cast. Given his age, that had to be an emotional scene for him.

It seemed obvious something significant was going to happen at that baseball game. For one, the 11pm marker was fastly approaching, then Lieu went off on his baseball-as-a-metaphor-for-life tangent, and either Tommy was going to snap out of his coma, or someone was going to get plugged in the head with a foul ball, or Pa Gavin was going to die spontaneously. There seems to be mixed reviews about said speech. Personally, it did seem a little aimless and sloppy, and felt like to could have been better constructed, but it was delivered well by John Scurti and after dissecting it, it does seem to make more sense. But the metaphor is a tired one (Field of Dreams has been referenced twice this season, given me all the more reason to believe Tommy might actually be dead), and could have probably used a rewrite.

The only other real dramatic were all the rumors that Sheila’s dead husband had been walking around the firehouse and been spotted in the field (i.e. at fires). This, as we know, is Tommy walking around in his dead cousins jacket with no explanation as to why. But bviously if he didn’t tell anyone in the house, Tommy isn’t going to inform Sheila about his prank (which is essentially all it is). This really re-emphasized how much Sheila misses her passed husband and that she is still grieving, it was borderline heartbreaking to watch her fret over not getting a visit from him because she slept with Tommy, when Tommy is the one pulling the hoax. Also, on a shallow note, when I saw Callie Thorne naked in the first season of The Wire, it was probably one of the five greatest days of my life. So my assessment of her capacity for acting might be somewhat biased. Just sayin’.

As for all the less emotionally tolling subplots, Franco putting Natalie’s mind at ease about being patient with her decision making process after discovering she lied to him, then marrying Richie to the girl in the wheelchair against Natalie’s wishes was absolutely hilarious. Sure, some might call it immature, some might even call it inconsiderate, manipulative, jealous and downright evil. But on this website we call it a dish best served cold. What was he supposed to do? Wait for her to decide if she wants to get back together with him? After being dumped on a whim for another guy, then asked to watch her mentally challenged brother so she could see if she wants to move to Chicago with another guy (though claiming she is interviewing for jobs)? I thinks not.

The black Sean-Colleen storyline is one with a lot of promise. Tommy’s reaction to it should be impeccably comedic and frightening, and since this is Rescue Me, it’s going to turn out ugly for one of them. I’m hoping it’s for Sean, because all logic would point to Colleen getting the short end of the stick on this one.

Tommy’s love life, for once, wasn’t in dominating focus, which probably explains why I enjoyed this episode so much. We saw him restraining himself physically with Janet, when in every similar situation in episodes past, he has succumbed to temptation (her to). It seemed like the sobriety is working well on him, because he wisely walked out the door. He then went back and pulled the caveman stunt with Gina Gershon (Valerie), where he all but forced her into some lingerie, took off his overshirt and sat at a table in a wife beater reading a newspaper, demanding she cook him a steak. It was all to similar to Pete Campbell’s hunting fantasy in Mad Men, only he didn’t slaughter the cow himself.

So there it is, no word on whether or not there will be a fifth season, but this finale left open many loose and intriguing ends. In my opinion, it helped salvage some mediocre work from Tolan and Leary, and opened up the window for some damage control. In short, here’s hoping this precludes there best work yet. If you think about how similar the parallels are to this and a series Leary most likes to model his own after, The Sopranos, its eerily similar (though I’m sure not coincidental). And for my money, I’ll take the fifth season of Chase’s saga over any other season he did.

Actually, I’m going to compare and contrast the two series’ similarities either today or tomorrow. Stay tuned.

My apologies to those who were expecting a review of Sunday’s episode yesterday morning, but I felt like that Emmys post was sufficient enough to cover me throughout the entire week, much less just Monday morning. Besides, this was a top ten episode of Curb and I wanted to collect my thoughts.

They open with Larry, Cheryl and the Blacks (again, that is their last name, please don’t email me) moving into a new house. Throughout the six seasons of Curb, Larry and Cheryl have lived in four different houses, and despite some light footage in the season two premiere, we’ve never seen them physically move into a house. For good reason, as I now see. This episode didn’t really kick off until the Blacks cousin, Leon (played by JB Smoove, most notably from SNL), who resides in LA and was nowhere near the hurricane, manages to finagle a spot in Larry’s new home. I imagine this is an example of Larry’s white liberal guilt, or maybe he was simply too tired to deal with the situation.

This episode was cameo heavy. Including Smoove, we also got another appearance from Gina Gershon as the temperamental dry cleaner and Barbara Boxer playing herself, hob-knobbing with celebrities, which I’m sure isn’t a far stretch to how she regularly spends her days. Her introduction to Larry and Ted Danson triggered the line of the night. In reference to Ted Danson having his wing of the NRDC listed as “donated by anonymous”, yet having all of his friends tell everybody he is responsible for it, Larry describes the ruse as, “It’s fake philanthropy and faux-anonymity”. It’s really self-deprecating, like the exact opposite of Kanye West, the Danson is so willing to play himself as such a self-satisfied, passive aggressive prick.

All these things come to a heed when Cheryl finds a noticeable cum-stain in the bed Leon spent the night in, assuming he is responsible Larry takes a day to decide whether or not to kick him out, but Jeff admits to being the responsible party, claiming he drank too much wine and apparently couldn’t control himself. The indifferent but nervous look on his face when confining the Ted and Larry about summed up how I figured he would deliver to such a confession.

With Ted and Cheryl now gossiping with each other, Ted leaked the guilty culprit to Cheryl and she subsequently bans him from the house. Seems harsh but fair. Suzy, of course, overreacts and counters by banning Larry from her house, but temporarily lifts it so he can use her restroom when returning Jeff’s sunglasses, only to later accuse him of beating one off on her daughter’s teddy bear. There was no final word as to whether this is actually true, but in my mind it already is.

The thing with the baseball jersey, for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why that was a subplot, and when they showed Larry playing war with Leon in matching Joe Pepitone jerseys after he apologized for accusing him of leaving the cum stain, I figured that would be the climax (really no pun intended, the phrasing just works) of the subplot. But it was a nice finishing touch to have the story come full circle, with the first guy they wrongfully confiscated Larry’s missing jersey from, chase him back to the NRDC building, where he couldn’t get special permission to be let into the building because his name had been changed to “anonymous” on the wing he donated money for.

Writing about these episodes is somewhat of a drag, there is so little to add to any of them, and they’re all so convoluted (in a good way). Larry seems to offend most of his audience, and maybe I’m simply deranged and abnormal, but I tend to agree with him more often than not. Who is so conceited that they donate something anonymously then tell everyone their responsible for it, but still pretends they don’t want credit? Why should anyone expect to have their laundry stolen from a dry-cleaner? These are the life-altering questions Curb asks its audience.

Anyhow, definitely a top ten episode and a significant improvement on the first (which outside of the Newlywed game and all exchanges with Richard Lewis, I didn’t much care for). People seem to be under the impression Curb was on its last legs in the fifth season. While there were some forgettable episodes, I still thought the humor was original enough that it sustained a high level of presentation, and really had nothing but laudatory things to say about it. But if this episode was any indication, everyone dissatisfied with season five should enjoy season six.

Maybe back with a belated Emmy’s follow-up, otherwise a season finale review/recap of Rescue Me tomorrow morning.

Welcome, we are doing a live diary for the 2007 Emmys, and we couldn’t be anymore bitter. Between Anchorman on ABC, Chargers-Pats on NBC and a new Curb at 10pm, this isn’t exactly ideal. The only thing we want to see on this show is The Sopranos get their just due. So we’re sitting here with some fruit flavored tootsie rolls and ready to type insanely for the next three hours and spend an evening with Ryan Seacrest. Basically, what we’re trying to say is, that we’re now a woman, but not entirely because we skipped the pre-show. Either way, we’ll try to post updates as frequently as possible throughout the show. Commercials are probably a good time to check back.

8pm- We are at theater where the stage is in the center of the auditorium, that seems to be all the rage nowadays. We open with a musical number from Stewie and the dog from Family Guy. It’s an enjoyable little number, and makes me reminiscent of a time when I enjoyed the series.

8:05- Ryan Seacrest does the least spirited opening I’ve probably ever seen, just making ordinary jokes about people in the stands and his affinity for fashion. That’s all that warrants mentioning.

8:08- Ray Romano, now working on a new stand up that he is testing out on national television. He gets in a good dig about the finale of The Sopranos comparing it to sex with his wife. Jamie-Lynn Sigler looks fantastic.

8:12- Romano presents the award for best supporting actor, we have two Entourage nominees and Rainn Wilson from The Office, and I probably give it to him. Piven wins. Good enough. He confesses to it all being written and none of it is improvised. He looks really, really burnt out and thanks his dead father again.

8:14- Two people from Ugly Betty present an award for best supporting actor in a drama series. Imperioli is nominated, and he should win in a landslide, but might fall to the Asian from Heroes or Shatner from Boston Legal…. Terry O’Quinn wins in an upset for his role on Lost. His wife, um, looks happy to be there. And this is the first choked up person to be queued off stage by the music.

8:22- Tina Fey and Julia Dreyfus present an award with a quip about valuing their children as mush as their Emmys. They’re presenting the award for best supporting actress in a comedy. Judging by the audience, Jenna Fischer is a crowd favorite, and she is on Grid Effect as well. There are like seven nominees and Jamie Pressly gets it for her role on My Name Is Earl. We’ve come a long way from Poison Ivy III, baby! I can’t tell you how beneficial that piece of cinema was to me when I was 12 years old. She thanks her lawyer and manager, and gets choked up while doing so. I’m not going to mock her because she seems to have something else going on right now.

8:26- Kyle Chandler (probably the last we’ll see of him, unfortunately) and Katherine Hiegl present the award for best actor in a mini-series or movie. I do not think I saw any of these, except The Starter Wife, which is probably the worst thing I’ve ever watched from beginning to end on television. Its created by Brian Grazer’s talentless wife. And now that she piggy-backed him to success, she is now divorcing him. Classy. Thomas Hayden Church wins for something obscure but I’m sure masterful. He has a much more poised speech then the earlier recipients. Oops, wait, nevermind, he chokes back some tears thanking people. Tough times in Hollywood.

8:31- Are the commercials in the game always going to run simultaneously with those of The Emmys?

8:33- Ellen Degeneres always does a nice job presenting/hosting at these events. And hypocritically enough, I wouldn’t watch her show for anything less than a free meal a day. She introduces a montage of “topical one liners”, but she doesn’t add that they’re all from late night shows: Leno, O’Brien, Letterman, Ferguson, Colbert, Stewart, Maher, Kimmel, etc. It turns out to be to tribute to Tom Snyder. It’s short, sweet and heartfelt. Just how it should be.

8:37- The Five leads of Entourage and Eva Longoria present an award for best supporting actress with some awful schtick, and Piven fucking knows it. Lorraine Bracco (Dr. Melfi) and Aida Tuturro (Janice) are nominated along with three people from Grey’s Anatomy. And Katherine Hiegl wins it, most likely because she presented an award. She is quite charming when getting on stage and saying, “even my own mother said I didn’t have a chance in hell of winning”. She’s melodramatic in saying she is inspired by her cast mates. Tears. Kind of.

8:41- Jon Cryer, who is guaranteed to make a smarmy joke presents an award with Jennifer Love Hewitt. He makes a crack about The View, which I refuse to italicize. They’re presenting an award for best talk show or something along those lines. Stewart, Colbert, Letterman, O’Brien and Bill Maher are all nominated. Haha, they’re making fun of Washington republicans. Never gets old. Really.

8:45- Conan wins, I suppose that’s appropriate, since I do not think they’ve given an award to a cable series yet. What can you expect from a television awards show that doesn’t even acknowledge The Wire? A producer, rather humorous one at that, accepts it for the crew and Conan himself.

8:50- So how much disbelief does one have to suspend to take Prison Break even remotely seriously?

8:50- Nothing like FOX writing in a joke to for Seacrest to mock the legal and public relations troubles between CBS and Kid Nation.

8:51- Christina Aguilera and Tony Bennett do a duet with several half naked women and men with unbuttoned shirts. Can someone explain the infatuation the music world has had with choreographed dancing since the Backstreet Boys come out? Anyhow, it’s fairly short and we can all wonder what the fucking point of it was.

8:53- Alec Baldwin, who seems to be in good spirits, is nominating an award for which he is actually kind of nominated: Best Directing in a comedy or musical, as he was hosting the SNL episode that is nominated. Some guy for a Tony Bennett special wins. He’s long-winded, but doesn’t shed any tears. And I’m thankful for that. Even my living room is starting to get uncomfortable.

8:56- Ali Larter and Kiefer Sutherland present an award for best lead actor in a miniseries or movie. Robert Duvall takes it home for something called Broken Trail. He pays homage to the history of westerns in American Cinema, and also manages to keep his composure, despite being forced off by the “move the fuck on” music.

8:59- Ryan Seacrest mocks bloggers. Damn, I feel like the equivalent of Dennis being called out by the environmentalist in It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

9:03- Queen Latifah introduces a tribute for the 35th anniversary of Roots. Apparently it averaged 44,000,000 million viewers over its eight night run. Probably the most influential miniseries of all time. A significant amount of the cast is there, with a giant sign saying “ROOTS”, floating above them. They get a standing ovation, despite the fact that 1 in 4 Americans watched the series, I’d bet only half the people in that audience did as well. A guy on the far end goes on an off-teleprompter rant about the impact of television. They present the award for best miniseries series to Broken Trail. I should probably check that out but I have no idea what channel it is on or when it would re-air. If you want to see an instant classic western, go see 3:10 to Yuma. Bale and Crowe at the top of their respective games. Robert Duvall once again gets carried off by the music.

9:10- Hayden Panieterre and Neil Patrick Harris do a routine about her turning eighteen. They present the award for best guest actor and actress. Tim Daly is nominated for his role on The Sopranos as the beleaguered and abused screenwriter. Outside of him I do not care who wins in either category, though I did like Goodman in that episode of Studio 60 that I actually watched. Some guy wins for something. I kind of missed the entire exhcange.

9:12- Some woman comes up to present the award for best director in a dramatic series, Peter Berg for the pilot of FNL and Alan Taylor is nominated for The Sopranos episode “Kennedy and Heidi”. You know? The one where Chris is killed discretely by Tony, and he ends up screaming “I get it!!” into a canyon while tripping on peyote. Damn, I miss this series. He has a quirky little acceptance speech when he wins, and you can see the Mad Men in him.

9:15- Best writing in a drama, Chase is nominated twice and wins for the series finale, “Made In America”. Hunter, his daughter, is there and looks much better playing herself. Damn, there even running Chase off the stage with the music. At least they won a couple technical awards (is that the correct categorization?), even if (wrongly) none for acting. Yet.

9:21- Steve Carrell does some very elaborate self-deprecation with Jenna Fischer, Jon Krasinski and Rainn Wilson submitting video clips. He presents the award for best variety music or comedy series, Jon Stewart wins and him on stage with Steve Carrell can’t be a bad thing. Surely they’ll end in tears. Stewart appropriately does a number on the absurd stage set, which I think was influenced most recently by a fucking Dane Cook stand up.

9:25- Carrell also presents the award for best music or comedy special, not familiar with any of them, Tony Bennett takes it home for “An American Classic”. As shallow as I am, I can appreciate his talent. He’s eighty years old? Jesus Christ. We certainly didn’t expect that. He sort of gives it away when he jumps on the mike to point out his wife to everyone. His son looks like Dan Backadal from Daily Show.

9:27- Marcia Cross and Marc Harmon (any relation to Angie?) who present the award for supporting actress in miniseries or movie, they decided to approach a new angle, and are taking on a overly literal approach. Starter Wife has a nominee, we are pulling for Anna Paquin, just to see her on stage. And Judy Davis wins for Starter Wife, which also means we’ve officially hit a new low.

9:29- Some guy, presumably a director at the Emmys, shares some history of the show with us. It’s essentially exploring all the good corporations and television networks accomplish. I’m impressed.

9:33- New England is owning San Diego, in case you were wondering. I sure as shit was.

9:35- We’re only halfway through, and I’m beginning to appreciate that exit music. Glenn Close, Kyra Sedgwick and Mary-Louise Parker talk about how great it is women now have lead roles in cable television. Close has some fucking guns. Anyhow, they’re presenting the award for Outstanding made for television movie, which feels like it has been handed out about ten times now. Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, it was nominated for over a dozen awards, so it had to win one.

9:39- Joe Mategna does a half-ass a tribute to The Sopranos introducing Jersey Boys. I’m sorry, but I fucking hate theater, and this isn’t changing that opinion. They’re all talented and I can respect and appreciate that, but between the garish movements and borderline squealing/singing (squining?) and aforementioned distaste for choreographed dancing, it’s too much to tolerate. On the monitors they’re showing clips of The Sopranos, and it’s unquestionably the best aspect of this segment.

9:44- This segues into the Emmys bringing out the entire enormous cast for The Sopranos onto stage, with Tony, Carmela, Meadow and AJ coming out from a basement directly onto stage for…applause and a giant “SOPRANOS” sign. Wow, it is already getting the Roots treatment. Now that is a compliment.

9:48- The game is at halftime so I can quit thinking about it for fifteen to twenty minutes.

9:50- Sally Field and Patrick Dempsey are ready and on stage to present the award for best actress in a miniseries or movie. Helen Mirren, because the Emmys have an inferiority complex with The Oscars give the award to Helen Mirren, who also won a Oscar this year, for her work in Prime Suspect: The Final Act. Not saying she isn’t any good, I’m sure she is. I’ve seen Caligula, but surely its not merely a coincidence.

9:52- Lewis Black comes onto stage to scream at people. He’s funny, and I get the idea behind the humor, just not for me. They clearly baited him into this by nominating him (can’t recall which category it was). Sorry for this lack of detail, I’m getting lazy and impatient. He wants people to be able to read the credits after episodes air and a focus on hard news. A noble cause.

9:55- I’m dying for a commercial right now. Katherine Morris and Danny Peno are brought onto stage by a weird introduction from Seacrest where he goes out of his way to call them both hot. Anyhow, they’re presenting the award for outstanding direction in a miniseries or movie, it goes to Philip Martin for the same series Helen Mirren was in. British invasion time! Round up the troops.

9:58- The same two people present the award for best writing in the same genre. It goes to Frank Deasy for the same series. Need to watch this and Broken Trail, it seems.

10:04- Ryan Seacrest welcomes us back with Tony Sirico and Seacrest is legitimately scared, as he should be. Masi Oka (the Asian from Heroes) does a stereotypical introduction about interactive television with an Apple laptop and a online conversation with that Tom guy, the creator from MySpace. They give an award to the creators of Current.com who have an online network available for viewers to participate. They get a standing ovation. Oh, I just figured out why, Al Gore is one of the founders. I was just about to say, you know, these people are going to cost everyone in that room their jobs in ten years.

10:07- Brad Garrett and his female counterpart in his new series step up on stage and seem somewhat contemptuous as he points out her low cut dress, then she retorts he couldn’t even make Craigslist after he said she was on Charlie Sheen’s to do list, then made the obligatory Larry Craig joke. Tony Bennett wins yet another award for individual performance in a musical performance. Based on how everything has gone so far, he was a shoe in for this category.

10:11- Teri Hatcher and Anthony Anderson present an award by coming out of the same basement the Sopranos came out of. Anderson has the best written and best delivered joke of the night about the two of them always competing for the same position. They’re presenting the awards for best guest actor and actress in a comedy, it goes to Stanley Tucci for something and Elaine Stritch in 30 Rock. They have an odd acceptance speech where they share the mike and play off one another. It seems like they’re presenting something…and they are: outstanding directing in a comedy series. My favorite episode is nominated in Entourage (”One Day in The Valley”), there are also episodes of The Office Extras and… Richard Shepard wins for the pilot episode of Ugly Betty. Whatever, I’m sure its great, just doesn’t really seem like a comedy is all.

10:16- Best writing in a comedy series: two Office episodes, the Daniel Radcliffe episode of Extras are favorites of this website. I get a sense Tina Fey will win for 30 Rock…but it actually goes to The Office. Hazzah! someone deserving. Mr. Daniels is forced off stage, making him I believe the sixth or seventh casualty of said music tonight.

10:24- Seacrest comes out dressed up as a character on The Tudors to speak for five seconds and bring out Wayne Brady. He’s going to host a makeshift Don’t Forget The Lyrics performance. They dim the lighting and everything, I assume this is the same format of the show, thankfully I’m unfamiliar with it. He brings out Kanye West and Rainn Wilson, who’s likely to go apeshit on stage. Brady announces “The Songs of Kanye West” as the subject, West is needly self-deprecating (probably to save PR face, he even solemnly says, “I never win”), and shows he is able to laugh at himself when Rainn “wins” the competition.

10:29- They present the award for best reality series, it goes to Amazing Race, and I have no idea how many times they’ve won this. Probably every year since the categories inception. And you can tell in their acceptance speech that they’re going through the motions.

10:35- Colbert and Stewart meet on stage, and Colbert is equipped with a leaf blower. They do some mocking of the “green Emmys” and it turns out the apparatus is fueled by Al Gore’s tears. They are really in sync in trying to one up each other in environmental consciousness. Stewart even feigns tears. Nice. Line of the night goes to Colbert, “If entertainers stop publicly congratulating each other, then the Earth wins”. They are handing out the award for outstanding lead actor in a comedy, it should go to Carrell or Ricky Gervais… Gervais does get it, in a phenomenal upset. He isn’t there, so they decide to give it to “Our friend Steve Carrell”, he bum rushes the stage and they celebrate. Publicly.

10:41- Hugh Laurie and the blond from Desperate Housewives present the award for outstanding actress in a drama, Edie Falco is a lock. Wait, what, holy shit, Sally Field stole it. Talk about being undeserving. She rambles about something, I had no idea she was still working, even. It’s for that melodrama Brothers and Sisters. Really, the Emmys have to be mocking themselves now. At least we were spared a “you really like me” moment, but somehow she segues from accepting the award to family values? I think. Wait, never mind, she loses her mind and starts talking about “mothers ruling the world” and how it relates to the war. They cut away from her, thanks to the delay. We come back to hear her saying, Thank you. Damn, what a scatterbrained mess. See, should have given it to Falco. Idiots.

10:43- In memoriam, a lot of people in television passed away. Too many to list.

10:51- So, this is obviously going to run long. And I really shouldn’t be surprised, but I’m more annoyed than anything. We still have to hand out best actor in a drama, best comedy and best drama, among others, I’m sure.

10:51- Shatner and Debra Messing, the lead in that horrific Starter Wife present the award for lead actress in a comedy, it goes to America Ferrara. Good night for them. She’s grateful, and naturally gets emotional. She talks quickly when she takes into account that timer. Thanks, America.

10:54- Seacrest introduces us to Kate Walsh and the lead for the upcoming Cane, they do the typical, “we’re not going to promote our new projects but we are already doing so” routine. They are handing out the award for best male lead in a drama, and it goes to Spader for his work on Boston Legal? I wish I were kidding. He appropriately acknowledges that James Gandolfini should have won, saying, “I feel like I just stole a pile of money from the mob”. This award show is obsolete, and the only way I’m ever watching it again is if The Wire is nominated in a boatload of categories next year.

11- Sorry for the delayed post. Technical problems.

11:02- Patricia Heaton and Kelsey Grammar present the award for best comedy, and its obviously going to Ugly Betty. But it doesn’t, because this show is idiotically unpredictable. It’s funny, but how does 30 Rock steal this award, and stand as the best comedy, when UB won everything else. Tina Fey had a solid acceptance speech with three dozen people standing behind her. If The Sopranos wins for best drama, and after getting snubbed in all acting categories yet winning for directing and writing, we can only assume that it won in spite of the acting? What? Anyhow, analyze how you will and draw your own conclusions.

11:08- Helen Mirren presents for best drama, it does indeed go to The Sopranos, and everyone is rightfully approving. A standing ovation, even. Take that, Sopranos cast! Your pedestrian performances will no longer hold this critically acclaimed series back! Chase appropriately accepts the award for the dozens of people who go up on stage, he thanks individual actors and they are unidentifiable amidst the masses with him. He even thanks the music department of the series. Then mocks the hell out of Sally Field’s hysterical acceptance speech by replacing “mothers” with “gangsters”, that couldn’t be ignored. Set aside a goodbye from Seacrest that ends the broadcast.

I hope everyone, or at least someone, enjoyed that. I’m going to watch Curb.

Damn, it’s been a long week. Between tolling away at work, watching film (see The Lives of Others) and television, contemplating football wagers and participating in various athletic endeavors, I’ve hardly had time to get drunk and recklessly catcall women. Yeah, I told ya, its been rough. Luckily, the weekend is approaching with every passing second, and I’ll soon have two full days to make up for lost time.

Here are some links to preclude however you people occupy your weekends. Depending on where you live, its potentially the last warm weather weekend of the year, take advantage and try to watch television outside or something.

A bit of a programming note, I’ll be live blogging the Emmy’s, and will have the thing posted no more than a half hour after the show concludes. I hope someone bothers to read it, because after I heard The Wire was completely shut out, I have been somewhat bitter (even moreso than usual). Every win The Sopranos gets should go down in the record books with an asterisk next to it. Honestly, they would be more legitimate if the cast & crew for The Sopranos was on steroids, because the Emmy’s have effectively eliminated their Hank Aaron. This is an odd transition, but…

…Britney Spears may apologize at the vaunted award show. For what? I’m not sure. I really don’t need to write about Britney Spears more than I am right now. Hopefully she stays home and focuses her attention on her seemingly neglected children, and not on the vulture-like entertainment media.

Well, it isn’t an Emmy (but as stated above, what does that even count for anymore?), but Friday Night Lights was acknowledged somewhere. And it happened to be at Salon.com, for most underappreciated TV show in all the land. It’s a deserving recepient, but I don’t understand how it doesn’t go to The Wire. Possibly because they’ve already given the award to David Simon’s series, and if its still on the air, its still underappreciated and they’ve pointed that out. But still, No Emmy nominations?! Are you fucking kidding me?

In case you haven’t already heard, Jon Stewart is returning to host the Oscars. He sort of bombed with his live audience, because his audience isn’t even remotely capable of laughing at themselves (sans Jamie Foxx), or at least they’re not eager to. But for those watching on television capable of independent, cognitive thought, we seemed to enjoy his performance. Still, I’m surprised they brought him back. It certainly beats the hell out of Ryan Seacrest, whom I’m going to be forced to tolerate on Sunday. It’s going to be a long night.

Looks like were going to start hard tracking James Gandolfini’s career post-Sopranos. And I can categorically state, that with James Gandolfini as Jim Jones, it is damn near written in stone that I will be in attendance opening night.

The Sex and The City movie has a release date, May 30th, 2008. I can guarantee, whether by choice or lack of options, that I will be single on May 30th, and for at least the two months following it. Because I would rather, in lieu of of a partner, masturbate feverishly for weeks than be asked/forced/manipulated into seeing that dreck. Sorry.

My Boys has been renewed for a third season. No real surprise. The production cost is low, it’s on TBS so rating expectations are only so high, and it seems like everyone involved in the series has limited options. So congrats, My Boys. You have a niche and the niche found you, rarely happens.

FNL won an emmy for casting. Don’t you love it when a show wins an award for casting, yet isn’t even nominated for any acting awards. Yeah, that’s consistent.

We’ll send you out on three positive notes, starting with David Simon being interviewed by acclaimed author, Nick Hornby (among other achievements, he is responsible for the novel that was adapted into the John Cusack film, High Fidelity). In terms of the process, this is one of the more enlightening interviews I’ve ever read.

Jason Bateman is still keeping his hopes up for an Arrested Development movie. I’ve heard him say multiple things in regards to this, including he is happy how they left it. But still, I’d enjoy an AD movie, as would most of its fans, and it’s a good sign the lead role is on board, should something materialize.

And finally, Time Magazine has compiled a list of the 100 best television series of all time. Unlike most of these lists, there is an actual explanation for the series that made it and those that were excluded. And they are not ranked, but listed in alphabetical order with a video clip/synopsis for each series. Really, a comprehensive work from and a great time killer. I guess that implies I should have posted this earlier in the day.

That’s all I’ve got, have a great weekend and I’ll see ya’ll Sunday night.

Great night of television yesterday. Mad Men managed to deviate from the mainstream even more last night, while still putting on a commercial facade. Pete finally erupted (which I imagine he’s going to eventually do with that gun), Peggy confronted Joan, Betty returned to the private sector and Don extorted a raise out of Roger. We’ll get to that next week. Right now its time to synopsize the most heinously funny sitcom on television.

For those who are unfamiliar with It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (IASIP), the series about four twenty-something slackers running a bar with no ambition and no interest beyond the self (though their efforts are usually counter-productive) premiered in Summer of 2005. Mac (Rob McElhenney), Charlie (Charlie Day), Dennis (Glenn Howerton) and Dee (Kaitlin Olson, the only recognizable face of the bunch as Cheryl’s sister on Curb) made up the original cast, and Danny Devito was added as the fifth character (Frank) for the second season as Dee’s and Dennis’ father. Basically, he had faith in the cast so he decided to ride their coattails. And they needed some celebrity endorsement so they did the same to him. The merger was mutually beneficial.

Its also a bit of an underdog story, as it was created by the three male leads with a home camera and presented to the head of FX, he offered them a pilot based on the strength of the episode they spent less than $100 creating.

If there is such a thing as an obscure basic cable comedy series, then It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia is it. It will probably never be nominated for any major awards or develop anything beyond a cult audience. But if there were an award for pushing the envelope, then there isn’t really even a close second. For the time being, it’s the only series that I feel condemns me to hell for watching, but yet I tune in anyways. Either I’m disconcerned about living in eternal damnation, or the series is really, really funny.

For instance, the season three premiere is entitled, “The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby”. Now, it’s kind of self-explanatory, but it ventures off on three separate paths. The primary story is Mac and Dee attempting to raise the baby they found in the dumpster (At Mac’s insistence but Dee’s sacrifice). The secondary storylines are Dennis exacting revenge against an environmentalist hippy, Sage, who embarrassed him; and Charlie and Frank dumpster diving based on a trip to a landfill where they found an “Ali-Baba Sword”.

To kill the suspense, it all comes to a head when Charlie (who earlier discovered Frank was actually his father and not Dennis and Dee’s, it’s a long story), becomes convinced that the baby they found is actually the love child of Frank and Charlie’s long-time crush. He confronts her with the kid (stolen from Mac and Dee) concealed by one of his dumpster jackets and in a makeshift body carrier, prompting her to call child services, who walk into their bar with Mac and Dee painting the kid because Latino babies are a hotter commodity in advertising than white babies (this after trying to take him to a tanning salon), Charlie and Frank are arguing over the Ali-Baba sword, waiving it frantically above the kid who is then sitting in a carrier on a barstool, and Dennis regaling how he tricked the hippy into chaining himself to a tree, freeing himself to sleep with his girlfriend.

The second episode entitled. “The Gang Gets Invincible”, has a much more succinct plot. Basically Mac, Dennis and Dee (in drag) decide to try out for the Philadelphia Eagles (an NFL team) while Frank and Charlie tailgate for it. When the tryouts are moved from Lincoln Financial Field to a neighboring high school, the two separate parties discover they are in the presence of the McPoyle’s, a rivaling, incestual family from episodes past.

Frank, getting carried away with memories of his horrific Woodstock experience, looks to redeem himself by dropping acid. Not wanting to feel isolated, he slips some in Charlie’s beverage(”Oh, thats-what-all-those-little-pieces-of-paper-were-floating-around-in-my-beer!!!”). The tryout portion is somewhat tame and is essentially a series of the three characters getting their ass kicked. The highlight of it was Dennis likening himself to a Gazelle in an internal monologue while running a passing route. The camerawork was almost artistic in that scene.

Obviously the first episode proved more entertaining than the second, but they both are an offbeat choice to what is usually predictable, mundane humor that we get from the broadcast networks. It’s not for everybody, the five characters are regularly screaming and rarely is there a moment of levity. And if there ever is, its for something even more proposterous that they can all agree on. The series will be airing four more weeks of back-to-back new episodes, then will air one new episode, followed by one repeat from a previous season. I definitely recommend giving it a tumble.

Back later to close out the week with some links.