Grid Effect

Jesus, what a slow fucking week this is. This reminds me of the time when I actually had a social life and didn’t woefully turn to the television for any sort of entertainment, only to be disappointed with my options when I actually did. At least now I know there is nothing worthwhile and have the good sense to not even bother turning to it.

So here it is, presented by default in accordance with my laziness, yet another batch of links. Nothing all that riveting or telling, but when your best viewing option consists of something like a two-hour long television episode about a group of people trapped on a tropical island with a polar bear, then perhaps links about off-screen industry news are for the best.

Montel Williams is leaving his talk show after seventeen years of tried-and-true exploitation. Call me crazy, but I was quite certain he parlayed his talk show into infomercials for pharmaceutical companies and had given up the talk show circuit awhile ago. Either way I could give a fuck, he’ll still be all over Fox News pimping anti-depressants.

The parents tv council (which I refuse to capitalize, because an organization with as much time on their hands as this one should really have a more creative name) is imploring CBS to reconsider airing Dexter on their home network. Supposedly the council is concerned about graphic violence (despite the show and the network already promising to edit the series heavily), which is a new one for them; typically they’re concerned about graphic sex. And while I would like to see CBS relegate Dexter to Showtime, it’s for a completely different reason. In short: that show fucking blows. The plot isn’t so bad, but the acting (from everyone other than Michael C. Hall and maybe the girl who played the doctor on OZ) and the dialog makes me squirm it’s so forced and unnatural.

He’s just using that knife for debate leverage, we have no idea what these people are worried about.

Gee whiz, it would be swell if HBO thought to greenlight another series not revolving around psychiatry. Judging by these ratings for In Treatment, it might be sooner rather than later. So wait, these ratings are indicating that the average American doesn’t have the patience to watch two strangers talk for a half hour? Wow. I never would’ve figured. But honestly, if the average American’s attention span can’t get him to watch The Wire, then it’s not going to respond to something like a grueling marathon of melodramatic swill that is in Treatment.

A “grow-house” was found in the neighborhood where Weeds shoots all of its offset scenes. Allegedly the plants were worth as much as $8 million. Man, so regularly you hear about marijuana being a gateway drug, but if that is the case, then how are they’re still enough customers to consumer $8 million worth? If everyone is eventually graduating to coke or whatever, then why the need for millions of dollars of weed in SoCal? Also, it might be a gateway drug, but I think that’s more the case with the dealers. Such a high percentage of them seem to delve into more illicit substances after a stint with cannabis.

James Gandolfini went after an aggressive fan, then took a picture with him. While the guy seemed like a baiting cocksucker, we have to wonder about this emotional fluctuation with the actor who played Tony Soprano. I don’t want it to be true but can’t help but notice: clearly Gandolfini is on steroids. That, or he was trying to avoid a frivolous lawsuit.

The LA Times took a beating from its readers emails lamented the paper spoiling Prop Joe’s death on The Wire. Most of the complaints were along the lines of, “some of us can’t orchestrate our lives around a television show to watch a second after its available”. While I can understand this brand of complaint (if there is one show that has the potential to make me homicidal for being spoiled by it, it’s The Wire) that not everyone can watch the new episodes immediately (not me, but you know, other people), the emails used as an example are so high and mighty that I’m almost glad they had “Transitions” ruined. Besides, if you didn’t see Prop Joe’s demise as an inevitability in the prior episodes, then you probably should find something else to watch.

And finally, some old Survivor castaway from a season before I started watching is starting a record label for reality television contestants. Good lord, we always knew 90% of reality show contestants were desperate, we had no idea they were also delusional. Not that the two character traits are always mutually exclusive, but this is a whole new level of delusion we didn’t think possible without being in a straight jacket. Anyone remember David from the Real World: New Orleans season? Yeah, expect more of that.

FNL recap tomorrow.

A couple highly rated programs are on tap tonight, so we figured it convenient to preview this evenings network lineups. We didn’t watch any television beyond the OSU-PSU basketball game and rewatch the new Wire episode, so we are left with little material. Anyhow, though we aren’t exactly fans of anything airing, there is a variety of options to choose from so why not do an overview?

NBC

8pm: Deal or No Deal
Our feelings about this show have been made quite clear. But this week, we hear if you pick out a suitcase containing $100,000 or more, Howie Mandel douses you in that head slicker he liberally shines his dome with. Of course, that could always just be Mandel perspiration, in which case we wouldn’t wish that on anybody. See, if they actually did the former we might watch, but the show probably has to be moved to Nickelodeon for anyone to be doused with anything.

9-11pm: Law and Order
Two different episodes, probably a remarkably similar premise. We imagine a coed turns up dead and the main suspect is the boyfriend. In fact, they know it’s the boyfriend. Why? Because she was such an incorrigible bitch when they were dating (in TV Land, this qualifies as motive). But we are all stunned when it turns out to be her landlord or something. Who tearfully (yet comically) confesses while testifying that he didn’t mean to kill her…just scare her because she lead him on and he offered her a discounted rent as a result. This is surely how these episodes will go.

For those who don’t know, when Richard Belzer isn’t disparaging conservative politicians on Real Time, he plays a homicide detective on NBC.

ABC

8pm: Wife Swap
Oh My God! Two families with different lifestyles and different approaches to domestic duties switch matriarchs, and combative hilarity ensues, culminating with one of the husbands crying and one of the children cursing their TV mom.

9-11pm: Lost
Two hour season premiere, bitches. Gonna go home, get my beer on, get my Lost on. Actually, our enthusiasm is a farce, we can’t stand this show. Apparently they’re going to run notes across the screen telling you facts about each of the characters, which is about the laziest narrative structure imaginable. What good are these facts if they never materialize on screen? It could just be footnotes from past seasons for new viewers they’re anticipating (due to the writer’s strike), but either way it strikes us as tacky. Oh, and ABC is referring to this as an “enhanced version”. Meaning, if you were lucky ABC would always put into text what they can’t fit into plot.

FOX

8pm: American Idol
If you want to see a middle-aged British man cut seventeen year-olds down to size because they are unfit to compete on an elaborate talent show, no one does it better than American Idol. Its genius is its simplicity. Tonight they’re in Miami, so he’s bound to put some impoverished immigrants in their place to the amusement of the masses.

9pm: Moment of Truth
Unlike its lead-in, at least the people get paid for the national exploitation. Of course, after the divorce and other inevitable legal issues, that take-home prize will probably be swallowed up by lawyers. Still, the chance for a pay day is there.

CBS

8pm: The New Adventures of Old Christine
The show that supposedly broke the Seinfeld curse that nobody watches. If Julia Louis-Dreyfus hadn’t gotten an Emmy for her role on this after it was already canceled a couple years ago, this show would have been long forgotten. Instead, Elaine gets a bullshit Emmy on name recognition and it continues to haunt the airwaves for two more years. Anyways, there are two episodes on tonight.

9pm: Criminal Minds
If these shows even remotely resembled the country we lived in, one would assume that the U.S. had a Gaza Strip level of violence and you are lucky if you make it to work alive. Tonight’s episode details the investigation of home invasion murders, which will probably be treated like another day at the office. Christ, even The Wire treats a home invasion murder as something out of the ordinary, and it is set in fucking Baltimore.

10pm: CSI: NY
“Mac and the team find human blood on the crown of the Statue of Liberty, leading them on a race against time to save a famous musician from death at the hands of a vigilante.”

This is the episode description on CBS’ website. It sounds more like Treasure Hunters than a cop procedural. Of course, nothing about any CSI has ever resembled a realistic crime investigation.

Enjoy your bevy of options. While we’re not going to watch any of this, at least there is a wide variety of material, even if it’s all easily dismissed.

Just a few odds and ends to kick off the day here. The world of television is currently seeing the bottom fall out from under it in terms of quality (we don’t give a shit about Nielsen’s or quantity). Sure, we watched The Wire last night, and just like every Wire episode, it left us wanting more. Nip Tuck is officially off the schedule after Christian fucked an AIDS ridden girl off a balcony and she plummeted to her death, so that is no longer an option. Other than that…Well, HBO debuted a new series, which we chose to avoid.

For those who don’t know it is called In Treatment, and the basic premise is they make it as close to actual therapy without the viewer spilling any of his or her own guts. It’s a half hour long and airs Monday through Friday, taking place solely in the shrinks office. The therapist, played by Gabriel Byrne, treats the same patient once a week on the same day before visiting his own therapist to end the week. It’s an interesting approach, as therapy has become a popular TV tool ever since The Sopranos debuted. But with no back story, no frame of reference outside of the office, we’re not entirely sure what the drawing point is.

Television is ultimately about entertainment, and while it can be gritty, insightful, nuanced and metaphorical, there also has to be some enjoyable motive that keeps me watching or even convince me to watch in the first place. Random characters being portrayed on screen that I know nothing about sitting in a shrinks office does not qualify as such. Now, this series has gotten especially mixed reviews. Some like it, while others don’t. But while we can see the originality embedded in this series, were going to have to take a pass. If it had received universal praise, we would have sat down and at least taken in the first half hour (and we still might, should we be so restless). But with so many reviewers saying they were bored senseless combined with the unappealing premise, we opted to stay away.

This seems like yet another indicator to how far HBO has fallen. We’re not sure if Chris Albrecht is responsible for this or not, but the last few original programming efforts have been so futile, that it’s a wonder they didn’t hold a ceremony to officially hand the crown over to Showtime (who in their current success, isn’t anywhere as good as HBO in their heyday) with his departure.

Anyhow, what’s past is prologue, we’re sure to see HBO reclaim the throne eventually, they invest too much money in it to keep coming up empty. We will say that we are immensely looking forward to this John Adams miniseries with Paul Giamatti. Coincidentally, this miniseries is essentially as long as any series of television Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant have produced. How patriotic. On this side of the pond we buy in bulk, baby!

Now this is something that draws our attention.

Switching gears, CBS has extended Survivor too a 17th and 18th season. It seems like CBS keeps adding seasons on to a series that no one is all that interested in seeing canceled, which is fine but the announcement like it’s something unexpected is getting tiresome, since they add new seasons every four-six months. Why don’t they just come out and say that despite not pulling the same audience it did in its inaugural season, it still draws a loyal 15 million viewers every week, is still easy to cross promote with morning shows, and with the right cast can be as suspenseful and entertaining as anything else on network television; thus they’re keeping it around indefinitely?

And yes, they have a new season starting in the next week or so, and we will be recapping it in spite of that horrible, 15th season.

And we also kept forgetting to mention, that there is a new series on Starz that we caught the pilot a few weeks ago entitled Hollywood Residential. It’s improvisational and takes place on the set of a home improvement-esque series. We have only seen about twenty minutes of the first episode (we no longer have Starz) but it showed promise, the cast seemed to have an instant repore and invoked some great situational humor. If you’re a fan of Curb and wish to give it a try, the first episode has been posted online.

That’s it for today, probably a “what’s on tonight!” post or more links tomorrow.

After staying up until 2am waiting for HBO to post the new Wire episode on demand, we called it a night. Problem being, we are dead tired and keep drifting off at work, so we’re sorry if this post doesn’t thrill and amuse.

Two series’ this website is incredibly favorable of, Weeds and Mad Men, have both received exemptions from the writer’s strike. Supposedly they cut a deal with their respective production companies or something? I don’t know, I wouldn’t be surprised if enough high ranking members of the WGA liked these two shows enough that they decided to let it slide.

Nielsen ratings for The Wire continue to fall, and I have one question for those who may be concerned with this, does it really seem like fewer people are watching the show than at the end of the fourth season? All the people I know who watched it still do, and all the blogs, websites, message boards, etc. I visit all have the same frequency of posts/comments. Does anyone know if DVR/Tivo recordings and On Demand views are factored into these ratings? I sincerely doubt it. Also, some dickhead leaked the first seven episodes online, so several loyalists aren’t even using HBO to watch the episodes.

Let me extrapolate on this point to vent, I like that the episodes are posted earlier On Demand, but between that, the online availability of episodes that have yet to air, and the regular showing on Sunday nights, it makes the series impossible to talk about with other fans. If you talk to seven people, they’re at six different stages in the season, so every conversation is bogged down in a series of qualifiers such as, “well, have you gotten to (fill in this scene here, and just asking about it spoils the series)?”, and “I know you’re not up to this point, but…”. For someone who likes to dissect every facet of every episode, I’d probably simply prefer it if they did away with all the On Demand shenanigans and advanced copies, and force me to watch every Sunday night. If not for myself, then for everyone whose been incidentally spoiled and for the series’ ratings (even though they’re kind of irrelevant now).

Speaking of The Wire, Lance Reddick has gone from the critically acclaimed series, to Oz, to movies that share a name with a Norm McDonald comedy to Mercedes commercials and now to FOX pilots. While we have no doubt this project will sink like a stone, it’s always good to see good actors from legendary series’ get more work. Anyone seen JK Williams (Bodie) sine he was shot dead on his corner? Didn’t think so. That kid should be able to find work solely for his spit takes.

The king stay the king, Bodie. Until he’s murdered, then someone else is the king.

Here’s wishing Roger Ebert all the best after yet another surgery. His Great Movies List has provided me with countless entertainment recommendations for slow weekends over the years, we need to see another hundred added to that list before it’s all said and done. We also hope he regains his voice and makes it back to his show, which has been influencing our theater outings for about seven years now.

So apparently, and this is going to come as a huge surprise, Americans love them some schaudenfruede, as evidenced by 24 million people watching Moment of Truth. If only everyone’s personal and domestic conflicts could be aired on national television, we would all be so happy. Maybe there should be some sort of mandate on this to help pull us out of a looming recession: if you have some deep-seeded secret or revelation you’re planning on making to a family member/close friend, it must be done on Fox, so we can have a cast of judges humiliate you more than you could possibly humiliate yourself. Though I will give the series credit, it takes balls to invite Roger Clemens onto a show with such a premise. There is no telling how that ‘roided up entitled freak will react.

And finally, to send you out of here on a sour (or positive, depending on your perspective) note, ABC has cut a third of their fall pilots for 2008. Not pulling any punches, the network is taking a meat axe to the union, who seems to have gotten in over its head. I think this might mean that the end is nigh for October Road.

Back tomorrow with something other than a Nip Tuck recap tomorrow.

It stands a good chance that I begin to write all my posts hungover. With the whole TMJ thing afflicting me so immensely, being hungover is about the best I feel on a weekly basis. Then again, it could be my thought process and how I am continually sidetracked. For instance, you know how when they occasionally visually illustrate Homer’s mindset and it typically involves something like a monkey cranking a wheel or a leprechaun juggling? Well, mine is similar, except it’s something along the lines of “thewirethewirethewirethewire-eat-thewirethewirethewire-eat-thewire-lift/jog-thewirethewirethewire-sleep.” It’s draining, yet this is how I live my life. Sad? Maybe. Totally fucking worth it? I have many regrets in my life, but this isn’t one of them. Yes, absolutely worth it.

If you watched “Not For Attribution” then you might be able to relate. After the much maligned first two episodes in which even Wire faithful were questioning the direction this season was taking (a dissent I could understand, but disagreed with), this episode probably put everyone on board. Whenever you have a torture scene, an Omar introduction, three divergences outside the Baltimore city limits and intertwining stories that include the same torrid message about government and institutional failure. Well, there’s little for us to nitpick.

First, obviously, is the development of McNulty’s serial killer. Just when he appears to be in dire straits and is potentially considering throwing in the towel, in comes Lester to validate the shennanigans. I once said I could almost see justifying the plan, but that just kind of feeds into the whole notion that, “no one gives a good fuck” (Thanks Jay, you soulless dick). Like everything else on The Wire, shades of gray are the overwhelming circumstances. Should McNulty throw in the towel, Marlo owns the western uncontested and countless others die. If he throws together some ungodly scheme to generate funding, then he is playing God, desecrating the deceased and is certainly going to hell. All depends on your individual values, I suppose.

Personally, we were relieved all he was doing with that corpse was putting a ribbon on his arm.

Still, throwing Lester into the mix, with the ever disgruntled Bunk playing their ineffectual moral conscious, really creates quite the riff. How long is Bunk going to tolerate what he so clearly and adamantly disapproves of? He would never go to Landsman, but probably attempt to sabotage their efforts if he continues to grow more and more despondent. Nice to have the Barlow back complaining about interior housing design.

Marlo’s ever-growing desire for power is fascinating, sickening, disturbing all at the same time. What isn’t he willing to do? And how far can he really expand with his diminutive insight for anything beyond killing? We’re all kind of hoping The Greek keeps him at bay, but a suitcase full of money can be pretty, pretty persuasive. It makes sense Cheese would see Marlo’s strategy as more effective than Joe’s, given the generational gap and all, which this show likes to focus on rather regularly. For instance, I don’t think Avon or Prop Joe would have ever done to Butchie what Marlo sent Chris and Snoop out to do. And I also don’t think any of them would have betrayed a family member like Cheese did by giving Butchie up (though Stringer and Avon bother sort of did such to each other, it was out of survival and not vanity or ego).

Watching Prop Joe’s neutrality betray him is kind of depressing. He’s content and has never done anything on camera that was too illicit, but he probably did went through a similar series of events that Marlo is going through to get where he’s at. Marlo’s just the symbol of natural progression that The Game was going to take. The generation under Michael is probably going to be taking out cops on a regular basis. Still, you’d expect a kingpin to be a little more worldly. Marlo’s demonstration at the bank ran counter to that. Is he even familiar with the concept of foreign languages? Did he notice that what was coming out of her mouth didn’t even remotely resemble anything coherent? The manner in which he just raised his voice is a resounding “no” for both of those questions.

In what’s probably my favorite scene from this season, Michael, clearly disconcerted with the path his life has taken, takes off to Six Flags with Bug and Dukie to live a semblance of the last leg of their childhood. What’s separates Michael from others of his ilk, is that even though he’s killed and will undoubtedly kill again, he isn’t desensitized to it. And ultimately, wants a normal life. And that’s what made the scene all the more tragic. How this innocuous trip to an amusement park filled with riding rides, playing games and flirting with girls will be a distant memory for all three of them sooner than later.

So it looks like Burrell is finally on his last legs and Daniels has been incriminated falsely in the process. It’s amazing to see how systemic all these issues are, even when he has a viable excuse and is implored by his boss to produce clean, untampered numbers, he still goes against all conventional wisdom. Amazingly, this could effect Marla’s standing on the city council as well. Speaking of which, I know it must be tempting to use an anonymous quote like the one Scott gave Gus, but isn’t Gus just as culpable for approving it when he is so innately skeptical? I figured he would at least go back on the story and double check with Nareese Campbell. I’ve never worked in a newspaper, obviously, my writing is evidence of that, but this seems like a perfectly acceptable reaction. Seems everyone falls victim to convenience, even our overly lionized city editor.

Other notes:

-Day Day grand jury scene and subsequent panicked conversation with Clay Davis was another flashback to season one (along with Barlow, whom we hadn’t seen since the pilot), and also hysterical. His “focus” quote was one of many laugh out loud moments, including “we have to kill again” and McNulty’s colorful dismissal of all his counterparts poor skill-set.

-The scene between Norman and Gus, wherein the latter is forcing a story onto his former coworker. If this seemed random and contrived to you, Norman has mentioned his stint in the journalism field before. In season four after Mayor Royce’s attempted smear campaign against Carcetti with the slumlord, Norman said something along the lines of, “I didn’t work at The Sun for twenty years not to have any connections”.

-One last McNulty scene, when he walks out of the bar bathroom, studies his distraught and discombobulated expression, the walks up to the woman he was talking to and opens up with, “I’m back”, then women speaks for the audience and replies, “I can see that”, then flashes to him fucking her on the hood of his car is about McNulty’s character arc in a nutshell. And I like it.

Couldn’t ask for more or better, we are absolutely content with the quantity and quality thus far. Enjoy tonight’s episode and we’ll be back tomorrow morning.

We’re not going to lie, we watched this episode in a drunken stupor on Friday night, failed to watch it again, and for reasons need not specified, we are now unable too. Still, we have a pretty strong memory in these regards, so we’ll just wing this and not worry about the finer points. Which isn’t too big a deal, this series isn’t terribly nuanced anymore.

What we found most shocking, is that they depicted racism in Texas. Seriously, this is borderline slander against the lone star state. All I ever met in Texas during my time there were happy go lucky line dancing cowboys with nary a desire for city life, despite living in one of the ten biggest markets in the country. Still, to think a Drayton-Prentice scenario still exists in, of all places, Texas? Really boggles the mind.

Honestly, the entire Smash storyline might as well have been two kids holding up a sign that said, “We’re trying to say that racism exists in many forms, you stupid fucking sheep!” for five minutes. I guess my biggest problem with it wasn’t the themes, or the repetition of themes, but rather the indifference to Noelle. We know virtually nothing about her, and every time she’s been on screen, all she is doing is rambling off football statistics or doing every thing she can to embody, “just one of the guys”. Her character depth is virtually non-existent, and pretty much the most one-not portrayal we’ve seen. So when her parents suggested them breaking up, our initial reaction wasn’t, “In this day in age…well I never” (as is my reaction to so many things). It was more along the lines of, “does that mean she won’t be on camera any more? Great.”

That said, even though that movie theater scene was transparent and predictable as hell, it opened up the window for some potential Dillon and TMU issues. Unfortunately, for most of the western world, you can’t punch people in the face for speaking out of turn.

Santiago has friends trying to hold him back. And, wouldn’t you know it, Buddy is trying to relate to them. He does everything but the macarena, including toying with the idea of hiding his prized sports memorabilia at Taylors house for a “movie night” Buddy initiated, which I’m pretty sure even Buddy knew would turn into a soft core version of the Titty Twister in From Dusk Till Dawn. Eventually Buddy realizes that, sometimes, human decency is worth more than a watch you never wear.

You know what, I’m going to cut this short, because while it was an overall entertaining episode, nothing really changed, and nor do I necessarily want it to. But every single storyline in this episode began and ended within the hour, sans the Tim-Lyla storyline. My question is, how does a kid pull as much tail as Riggins presumably does, but when he actually wants a date, he resorts to essentially pulling her pigtails? Wouldn’t his game be a tad more refined than this? I know he’s supposed to be emotionally stunted and all that jargon, but seriously, a prank phone call to a Christian radio talk show? That’s cutting edge. At least they gave Herc a solid ten seconds of stifled laughter.

Who likes prank calls? This guy, right here!

Let’s see, anything else? Oh, Carlotta’s gone. She came, she deflowered, and now she’s gone. Quite the character arc. I could see the description of the role, “Look, we want you to come in playing a college student working as a caretaker, then sleep with your patient’s high school aged grandson, the get the fuck out”. Maybe this will pave the way for more scenes of Landry and Matt in various local establishments engaging in Seinfeld-ian bantering. Because from this site’s perspective, that is the high point of the show.

Still, a decent forty-two minutes from what we can recall at this early hour. There’s little to complain about when your options are so limited. Like, you know, beggers can’t be choosers, or some such rhetoric. Hopefully Mo Ryan is right and the upcoming stint of episodes bring us back to glory before they’re plum out due to the strike.

Since we’ve already done a “What’s On Tonight!” post on, like, four different Thursdays, and given the schedule doesn’t change much at all, we’re going to post some more links. While this isn’t exactly original or all that entertaining, time is of the essence and needs to factor into the decision making here.

Also, it doesn’t look like we’re ever going to see the Breaking Bad pilot due to some domestic issues (not being brought up on charges or anything, its actually more ridiculous than that), So we’re just going to forgo the series entirely and try to catch it when AMC ultimately replays it, which, if the ratings for the pilot episode are any indication, they will most certainly do. So, should anyone catch wind of when this will take place, please let us know.

Mo Ryan, a critic for the Chicago Tribune and probably the series’ most staunch and public of fans, has claimed that FNL has revisited its season one glory after a slow start too season two. While we wouldn’t go even remotely close to saying that, we will agree that the series has definitely improved in the new year. Then again, she gets advanced copies so we’re speaking on different plains here, but I just don’t recall season one ever needing something as contrived or overwrought as a tornado, or a grief stricken coach tackling a player on the field to ratchet up the suspense in season one.

Yet another reason to avoid getting married and having kids: when we inevitably get divorced, my estranged wife can get a court order to drag them onto a reality series to boost her profile. To be honest, I’m fairly impressed with Denise Richards, in a custody dispute with Charlie Sheen, she has made him the class act. How many people can lay claim to that?

One’s apparently addicted to money, the other reportedly hookers and blow, can you determine which is which?

I usually don’t do this because it feels rather invasive and unnecessary; but I’m stretched thin for material, so here are pics of Conan O’Brien’s new estate. Also, it really bares an uncanny resemblance to my summer home, but as a permanent residence? Pssh, I couldn’t fathom living in such squalor. I mean, where would I take guests?

Like I said, we’re stretched thin for material today, so we will inform you that Jenna Fischer is not dating David Spade. Apparently this was believed to be true at some point, which, no offense to David Spade, would destroy the Pam Beesly character for millions of viewers. For all her bravado about standing up for herself and exuding self-confidence, that isn’t synonymous with dating aging playboys with kids out of wedlock (who we consider funny, though past his prime). Man, it must suck being identified as a fictional character.

If you are looking for insight on Michael K. Williams’ performance as Omar Little, then look no further. Though we rarely listen to any talk radio, we do like these interviews with obscure actors and other creative talent that NPR so frequently seems to attain. Also, there are several other audio clips related to The Wire directly underneath the brief article provided.

Speaking of the greatest drama of all time, Clark Johnson, who directed The Wire’s pilot episode as well as the series finale, also directed the series finale of The Shield. We’re certain he appreciates the work and is flattered and all that shit. But really? There isn’t another acclaimed television director who could cover The Shield? Maybe Fred Thompson could take a stab at it, directing an episode of television appears to be the closest he’ll ever get to being the president. (Oh, snap)

That’s all for today, back with and FNL recap tomorrow.

Yeesh, still haven’t gotten around to watching Breaking Bad, but man is the suspense building. We’ll probably watch it on Sunday before the sophomore effort in lieu of any football to consume. We did, however, watch Nip Tuck. And after foregoing all recaps from here on out, we felt validated. That’s all we’ll say.

Also, something we discovered recently, the reason we liked the hideously deformed Rachel Ben Nattan character so much is because she is played by Maggie Siff, the same Maggie Siff who played our favorite female character on Mad Men: Rachel Menken. We never would have guessed that. As little as six months ago we’d never heard of this woman, now she’s playing two of our favorite characters on, two of the, roughly ten, series’ we watch.

It appears the Grammy’s are so innocuous now the WGA isn’t even going to bother to picket them. Either the union is getting apathetic, or this should tell us something about the dire state of the music industry. Or the awards handed out at the Grammy’s aren’t reliant on the WGA for creative council. Whatever, I’m too lazy to read the article.

An article making the case for FNL being a commercial failure because they never marketed their product with additional supplemental products such as toys, lunch boxes, etc. Not sure if I really agree with any of this, the series makes the other peripheral products viable revenue options, not the other way around. This is like saying baseball never would have reached its apex without baseball cards, seems counter-intuitive. And secondly, I have a Crucifictorious t-shirt, so to say they haven’t franchised FNL is essentially a blatant falsehood.

Clearly the problem is the above was never transformed into a Barbie Doll.

In least expected marriage of all time news, Larry Gillard Jr. who played D’Angelo Barksdale on The Wire before his untimely death in the middle of season two, is married to Michelle Paress, aka Alma Gutierrez. Since no one watches The Wire, for you Sopranos fans, this is like Tony Blundetto marrying Meadow.

In one of the more petty, pointless, and ultimately ineffectual moves of all time, the FOX affiliate in Green Bay that airs Seinfeld reruns canceled their syndication for the day Eli Manning would be in town for the playoff game against The Packers. So Jerry Seinfeld sent the wide-eyed quarterback a free box set. It’s a move that almost made me glad the Giants won despite hating the fucking Giants. And the subsequent interference from Seinfeld almost redeems him from the whole cookbook fiasco, despite considering the decision to berate a woman rightfully looking for her fair share on national television to be completely irredeemable. All told, this was quite the enlightening series of events.

And finally, an interview with Linda Cardellini on her stint with the short lived but cult followed and critically praised Freaks and Geeks. We think she’s on ER now or something, but she’ll always be Lindsey Weir to this website. At least until she’s in a Judd Apatow movie, then she’ll be whoever that character is.

Kind of slow ’round these parts. Back with something more invigorating tomorrow.

Let’s consider this the last post we ever do on this series. We’ve made the suggestion before, but it does absolutely nothing for us and we end up loathing coming into work on Tuesdays because of it, so it’s probably about time to follow through. The only reason we’ve been recapping it this long is because of the strike, and really, that’s a piss poor reason. Like reading a terrible magazine because your daily newspaper folded. We assume Breaking Bad will occupy its space, should we ever get around to watching the premiere.

It’s not that last week’s episode was particularly bad. It featured Matt’s social worker, a character we actually find refreshing to this series, and Dawn Budge, who even though we’re down on this season we enjoyed her in the fourth. The downside is essentially everything else. The ridiculous Sean and Christian rivalry was highlighted, in which Sean gets shit on every time by him and his ex-wife, then is somehow convinced that he is in the wrong. Also, Rachel’s terrorist bomber showing up in hologram form was pretty heavy-handed, we can get the subtext and the themes of forgiveness and revenge without the optical illusion.

Wait a second. I know why this clown is dead. His insides are filled with….CANDY!

Still, for all its sensationalism and divergence from reality, Nip Tuck provided us with some memorable moments. Virtually all of them are soft-core sex scenes. But, a moment is a moment, that’s what we always say. More importantly it jump-started FX’s string of original series. If this had been a total flop, odds of us getting two of this websites favorites It’s Always Sunny and Rescue Me, and critically acclaimed series such as Damages and The Riches are slim to none. So we can appreciate and remember the series for that.

Still, with such a great premise and a relocation, we figured Nip Tuck would come back stronger than ever. Instead they just moved the entire cast across the country for remarkably frivolous and contrived reasons, then instead of jokes about models we got jokes about actresses, Mexicans replaced Cubans, and absolutely no changes were made in plot structure or character dynamics. Why? Because it was all the same characters with all the same pent up hostility towards each other, essentially what the series was founded on, literally from day one.

If anything, Nip Tuck should be a crash course in how to ruin a television series should you want to get out of a contract. Thing is, they still pull a decent audience, and the series shows no signs of letting up because I’m not sure how much of a future the majority of the actors have when this all ends. Many people still enjoy it, we do not, so we’re retiring it from this website. At least mandatory recaps anyways. Keep up posted if it ever picks up steam, or, you know, anything actually changes.

We were going to post some initial thoughts on AMC’s new series, Breaking Bad. But, alas, we sat down to watch it at midnight, stumbled through HBO On Demand and noticed that the new Wire episode had already been posted. So obviously that took precedent. And its so fucking great we’re not going to say a single fucking word about it. So, as an alternative, here’s what’s on your broadcast networks tonight.

NBC

8pm: American Gladiators
Probably the best low-brow entertainment ever created. It’s like MXC for the US. The difference being that when someone falls off the obstacle into the water, on Gladiators that water isn’t scolding hot. Still, they could probably do without Hulk Hogan hosting it, it already feels like something consumed by every meathead in this country, having the Hulkster there just makes it seem like more of a WWE event.

9pm: Deal or No Deal
Every joke that could possibly be made about this series has already been said. The only way its attracting more fans is if someone picks the wrong suitcase they have to sacrifice something equivalent to what they could have earned. That way when a contestant has two cases left, one totaling $500,000, the other totaling five dollars and an offer of $250,000, he/she will think twice about “risking” it.

10pm: Medium
Probably the worst critically acclaimed series on television, though that is certainly up for debate. Really, we have a hard time distinguishing this series’ artistry from Ghost Whisperer.

ABC

8pm: Dance War
We have no idea what this is, but we assume it will be a reality TV version of You Got Served, because somehow competitive dancing has turned into a mainstream phenomenon, and people actually take movies like You Got Served and TV shows like Dancing With The Stars seriously. A fact we find tremendously depressing. If they brought on some militant Russian broad like the one that gave me a large wooden spoon for Christmas when she lived with my family in high school while my sister was practicing dance, then maybe I’d watch. Then again, I probably wouldn’t.

9:30pm: Note From The Underbelly
Never seen it, but have caught several ads while watching sporting events. From what we can gather, since every ad involves a guy saying something a bit oafishly, then a woman responding with some witty retort and walking away triumphantly, we’re probably better off staying away, for the betterment of our sanity.

10pm: October Road
This is like a more sensitive version of What About Brian?. Which is like saying something is the brutal version of There Will Be Blood (great fucking movie by the way). In short, regardless of gender I’m pretty sure that if you watch this series you immediately start menstruating.

Members of the October Road cast. If you’re lucky, only two of the three will have cried by episode’s end.

FOX

8pm: Prison Break
Umm, Robert Wisdom is on it. What’s really astonishing is he’s more famous for being on this series than that linked clip. At times I think the American public doesn’t deserve to see an end to the writer’s strike.

9pm: Sarah Connor Chronicles
I guess we’re now willing to recognize that this series exists, but still not watch or endorse it in any way. Please develop some original concepts instead of adapting fifteen year old action movies for television. With every passing day it becomes harder and harder to fathom that this is the network that greenlit Arrested Development.

CBS

8-10pm: Two hours of censored dick jokes.
That’s right, How I met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, Two and A Half Men and Rules of Engagement occupy these two hours. I suppose we should be encouraged, its the one night where CBS is running back-to-back-to-back forensics investigation dramas. Do these series have any redeeming qualities? Certainly, there’s probably a few decent laughs in a couple of these episodes. But does that warrant there existence? I would elect that no, no it doesn’t.

10pm: CSI: Miami
Yyyyessss! That is the CBS we know and love. It just didn’t feel right doing one of these posts without the obligatory hammering of high-production, low-substance CBS crime dramas. We haven’t seen tonight’s episode, but we’d be willing to bet that David Caruso at some point removes his sunglasses dramatically and proclaims a seemingly incidental death to be murder, and that he turns out to be right.

So yeah, it’s a good night for a movie. I recommend There Will Be Blood, this guy is like the Bugsy Siegel of oil drilling, only more depraved. Nip Tuck recap coming tomorrow.

This is coming much later than we had planned on Friday morning. No, we didn’t forget about it, it didn’t slip our minds, we’ve simply been procrastinating. So here’s a hungover post that we’re not going to edit and throw out there for the world to see. Do we aspire to write in this condition? Of course not. But with the playoff games quickly approaching, we need to knock this out before they kickoff a little after 3pm eastern. So, without any further ado, here’s a half-assed review of last Sunday’s episode.

This seemed to draw even more of a mixed response than the season premiere, and most of it revolves around the final scene. Personally, we liked it. McNulty has always been willing to screw his superiors for nothing more than self-satisfaction, and when the city is out of money (presumably) and all legal tactics have been expended (FBI interference, going behind the bosses back, etc.) he takes the illegal route. For some reason, I’m not entirely opposed to the decision, if the city is so indifferent to slain black men and so inept that they could let a single homicide detective cook up such a convoluted scheme, then maybe it’s ultimately for the best. Even if it is incredibly disturbing and negates everything we know about human decency.

It seems popular to compare this plan to Hamsterdam (something this website initially did). And while the comparisons are obligatory (the series’ most desperate plan for reform to date), there are unsubtle differences between Hamsterdam and the fake serial killer plot. One, we have no idea what he is actually planning. I mean, we have a general understanding, but the actual specifics of it are completely vague. As of now, all we understand is McNulty is going to frame several accidental and natural deaths to look like the work of a serial killer. If we give it time to play out, it will probably seem a lot more thought out than we assume it to be. Secondly, Hamsterdam was Bunny’s attempt to clean up the streets in his district still worth salvaging by overlooking the drug operations relegated to designated “free zones”. Several people make the partially logical argument that drugs should be legalized given the futile war on drugs. There is virtually no one arguing that the framing of murders by a mythical serial killer is noble. Additionally, no one was ultimately effected by Hamsterdam. Drug dealers dealt drugs and drug addicts used them, just in a designated location. Everyone did what they were doing beforehand but without any interference. As Stringer Bell might say, “same as it ever was”.

In the world of drug recovery, Bubbles is struggling to occupy the time he would generally spend gathering the funds to get high then subsequently getting high. If he reverts back to using, and judging by the end of this episode in which he is impotently and joylessly washing dishes at a safe house he most likely will, it will be one of the harder things to watch on this series. Might even trump Wallace’s death given the scale of his character arc. Then again maybe I’m being too cynical, I’m sure washing dishes is just as entertaining and consuming as abusing crack-cocaine. I’ve been fortunate enough to have engaged in very little of the former and none of the latter.

Hey, speaking of heartbreaking story-arcs, is there any way things turn out for Michael, Bug and Dukie? Particularly Michael, who’s still morally conflicted about his actions, which is encouraging but dangerous. In an operation like Marlo’s, there isn’t room for an attack of conscious. Michael is pretty much what you get if you rolled Bodie and Wallace into one, then put him with an even more brutal gang, one that neither of them approved of. Either he’s going to go after Marlo, or Omar, or end up dead on the corner similar to Bodie. His questioning of slaying the family who may have made disparaging, false remarks about Marlo’s sexual orientation shows character and heart, but a little more than The Game generally allows.

Seems like a human response.

The journalism world is still lacking the ambiguity of the rest of our beloved crumbling institutions on this series, and I’m afraid the characters are going to stay this one-dimensional for the remainder of the series. Part of that is this being the last season, but the shortened season isn’t allowing the series to flesh out its characters like they usually do. This is disappointing, but they are maintaining and the inner-workings of a newsroom are as enlightening as any other institutional depiction. So prepare for more noble and just Gus, ambitious Scott, and simplistic and profit-driven Whiting.

Other notes:

-Freamon seems to be dealing with his frustration over MCU being all but shut down in a much more productive manner than McNulty. That is, surveiling Marlo on his own time when he’s not giving Clay Davis a stutter.

-The conversation about the Natalee Holloway case is probably a little too on the nose for this series, and that seems to be happening more and more frequently this season. But for new viewers, and to hammer home the main theme of the series (society is indifferent toward the plight of the underprivileged, and they generally suffer for the benefit of the rest of us) I really don’t mind it. Its been rare to hear characters on this series have candid discussions, and I welcome the change.

-The “drive-by” scene in which Chris and Snoop henchman recommended they do it “west coast style” had so many layers of subtext to it my head was spinning: how gangland wars actually are vs. how they’re perceived, the false glorification of the lifestyle and the Hollywood embellishment of violence, all packed into one two minute scene is uncanny.

-Marlo trying to make a direct connection to Vondas and the Greek, again, seems unlikely and far-fetched, but if it brings Avon back into the fold, even for a cartoonish insecure cameo that lasts no longer than five minutes, then I’m all for it.

-Kima’s surreal, maternal reaction to finding the kid in the closet was unexpected, given the way she resents her own adopted son. Projecting guilt I assume, but it was so out of left field that it took me by surprise. Then again, how can one not feel protective over a kid in that situation?

In all it was vintage Wire. Studying the landscape of the American city while developing intriguing plot lines and characters. Only eight more episodes left of this heralded series, we suggest appreciating them for what they are rather than scorning them for what they’re not.

A title that references every major plot development in the episode. Not exactly a newfound glory for FNL, but rather a somewhat predictable one. Especially when they throw every spoiler imaginable into the previews from the previous week sans a ridiculous last second revelation.

And what is that revelation? Well, the rival coach who’d been probably as ungracious as a guest can possibly be, tackles Riggins in the middle of their game, stands up and screams at everybody in the stands and on the field about proper tackling technique, then informs Taylor that the reason he’s been flying off the cuff so frequently is because his wife is dying. Now, I understand the narrative revolves solely around everything Dillon. But for this storyline they should have given us third person, and informed the audience of coach Dickie’s situation long before Taylor or anyone in Dillon found out about it. Because to have two episodes revolving around this guy’s idiotic combativeness, then to dismiss it with one line at the end of the second episode is a bit uncharacteristically lazy storytelling for this series.

You’d be happy to know he hasn’t burnt down his house yet. Or rather, his house that his ex-wife and new fiance live in.

Speaking of lazy storytelling, I get the impression that TMU is supposed to be a stand-in for University of Texas (Rick Barnes playing the recruiter for TMU helped tip us off), and that Street a long while ago in the pilot said UT was his school of choice. But I don’t think they’ve mentioned it since that debut episode from over a year ago, and to treat it as his first choice now seems a bit added in. The dramatics in it just felt lacking, and I thought when Chip announced to the entire school that he was going to TMU, that would have been enough of a deterrent. And while his mom is a great character, there was much of an explanation to her motives. They’ve touched on her worrying that Smash was going to start losing his perspective, and while we sympathize, we’d also argue that Smash lost his perspective about, say, thirty episodes ago. Here’s hoping the steroids plot is resurrected.

The lone highlight in this episode was Riggins, yet again, for his discretion to what a drunken brat Julie is. Let me be one of many to say that never in a million years would I think Julie, or someone like Julie would actually take the wrap for that, but Kyle Chandler’s reaction was priceless, to both Tim and Julie, and made the slight avoidance of reality easier to overlook. He also gave us the best line of the episode: “My dad lives in (the neighboring county), if you want to complete the Riggins trifecta”. We hope that woman suffers endlessly after this spectacle. The theft probably would have been great to avoid on the heels of the whole murder plot. If Billy ends up dead at the end of this season, we’re going to be woefully disappointed. Probably enough so to quit tuning in.

One good thing to come out of this episode is Tami’s sister was unintentionally kicked out of the house, and we actually thought they dealt with this brilliantly. The in-law sibling finally losing his patience, the sibling knowing the married couple had discussed her moving out several times, and the one who’s sibling is staying in her family’s house leveling with her sister but doing so in a sympathetic fashion. Rarely are these things as bitter and contentious as they make them on television, and it felt real in this instance. Also, Shelly’s gone, and we are all the better for it without anymore of those insufferable scenes.

All in all, not their best work. But at least we were spared any discussions of past federal and state crimes, so that’s a silver lining. If we have to endure any more rogue coaches or intolerable siblings, it might be too much to bear. We’re not anywhere near jumping ship, but this is definitely the first time it has crossed our minds.

Wire recap later.

No more than four months ago we were tussling between what to watch and what to record amongst Mad Men, The Office, Survivor and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia on Thursday nights. A myriad of options that usually carried Colbert and Stewart into lunch the following day.

Now, with the onset of The Strike and the season’s ending for many of the above series’, we have a clean slate. Nothing we feel obligated nor compelled to tune into. So we figured Thursday’s would be a choice day for a “what’s on tonight” post. Just to illustrate the dearth of options we are left with.

East coast bias effects the time zones on this site as well as the BCS.

NBC

8pm: My Name Is Earl
Not much to say about this series that hasn’t already been said. We do tend to think it’s one of the more overrated comedies to come around in awhile, but they try their hand at some original material and maintain a decent Nielsen rating, so more power to them, even if the show has somehow made Jaime Pressly a “credible” actress.

8:30pm: The Office
The first half of one of the many much maligned hour long episodes this season, “Dunder Mifflin Infinity”, where Ryan lays out his plan to modernize the fledging paper company. Which might not be a terrible idea, Sterling Cooper isn’t as behind the times as Dunder-Mifflin.

If the writers and producers could meet this degree of maturity, we might be watching a new episode tonight.

9pm: Celebrity Apprentice
Have yet to watch a millisecond of this, but all I can tell you is that Lennox Lewis, Gene Simmons and Jennie Finch are all on this…And that is probably the most depressing thing I’ve ever written on this site. Three people who were all great at one thing or another clinging desperately to a semblance of fame. Kind of reminds me of this.

10pm: ER
Yep, hasn’t been canceled since the last time we did this segment.

ABC

8pm: Ugly Betty
So a girl who’s aesthetically pedestrian according to the fashion world earns everyone’s respect through her adorableness and persistent work ethic? Is that the premise of this series? Because if so, then the consumers of such a lie need a reality check. Has anyone seen the Ali G episode where Bruno interviews several designers and critics during fashion week in New York? Yeah, those people aren’t exactly open-minded.

9pm: Grey’s Anatomy
The series that probably keeps us motivated to stay single! Seriously, watching this show makes me fret for humanity. It’s like going into a strip club, except with the exact opposite target audience.

10pm: Big Shots
It’s back! The canceled series is going to air the rest of there vaulted episodes. This is good for anyone who finds emasculated, whiny, rich, white men or ball busting peripheral female characters appealing. It’s like Cashmere Mafia except the ball busting women are the series’ focus. Is there a point in time where people will stop greenlighting this redundant tripe?

FOX

8pm: Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?
This is a reality show racing to see which is the more exploited demographic: the “genius” kids because they’re probably on the show against their will, or the moronic “adults” who are competing against kids who want nothing to do with this spectacle. My guess is the adults, because if you fail miserably on this show it’s something that you die with people remembering. The kids? Well, they have several years of therapy to look forward too, but that’s more a result of negligent parenting than anything else.

9pm: Don’t Forget The Lyrics
Haha, oh man. People attempting to remember the lyrics of some pop songs, and when they inevitably fuck it up they get mocked out by Wayne Brady and the pathetic live audience. Whew, what a hoot!

CBS

8-11pm: Without A Trace, CSI, Without A Trace
Do not have the time nor patience to mock the same show twice, or three times really. So we’ll just let clumping them altogether in the same category speak for itself. If you can give me one thematic or narrative difference between these two series’, then we will apologize profusely. But as our understanding is now this is like watching two Adam Sandler movies, then rewatching the former.

Okay, so television series’ have taken a hit recently. Still there is plenty of basketball to be watched and a litany of good to great movies out. We recommend one of these alternatives until the WGA and the studios make some progress.

Wire and FNL recaps tomorrow.

Yawn. Well, unless you watch American Idol or are into the ongoing tale that is the writer’s strike then this week in television has been dire in its lack of versatility. Fucking reality shows, man. Any time they want to get this trash off the air and bring back something at least scripted, if awful, they won’t get any complaints from me. Anyways, here are some links…

Not everyone feels the same way we do, apparently, as FOX’s The Sarah Connor Chronicles took in a little over 18 million in nielsen’s. We haven’t acknowledged the existence of this series since our fall preview and were kind of hoping it would just fade into the wind so we wouldn’t have too. Since, you know, there are three movies available on Netflix that chronicle a very similar story, if not a complete replication. But hey, do not ever underestimate American’s love for familiarity. That’s why restaurants have regular customers and fans have favorite sports teams. It doesn’t explain why everyone cheats on their spouse nowadays, but we’ll take it one loosely based metaphor at a time.

Ellen Degeneres beat out Oprah as America’s favorite television personality. This is probably the result of openly siding with a political campaign, but my guess is Oprah could give a fuck if you like her or not. If she wants to get away from you, she has like two miles of land separating her abode from the nearest street. If this were medieval times, you couldn’t even reach her house with a cannonball. In other words, she could put Gravel in office and tell the rest of us to piss off.

Everyone’s favorite communism indoctrination machine for children is celebrating its fiftieth anniversary. If you aren’t aware of the Smurfs as being just that from your childhood, we suggest you go back and watch an episode or two, the themes aren’t all that subtle. Personally, I’m just disappointed that we didn’t see any Smurfs in “Imaginationland”.

Do you see Papa Smurf? He has everything but a fucking cigar in his hand.

Barak Obama, whose on record as saying The Wire is his favorite series on television, has now included Omar as his favorite character, but is quick to dismiss his criminal lifestyle. Does anyone that watches the series, then mentions a favorite character, actually condone the actions of that character? Sure, there are some: Lester, Daniels, Bunny, etc. But if someone is partial to Stringer or Marlo or Snoop or Omar, is anyone actually suggesting they admire their lifestyle? This is the problem with contemporary politics, you have to convey obvious points about your favorite fictional on screen characters that are obvious.

This is either a clip from Reality Bites or Jon Stewart is interviewing Conan O’Brien on his old show. It’s virtually impossible to distinguish the two.

Disappointing story about Chad L. Coleman (better known as Cutty on The Wire) working in a grocery store and unable to find acting work as a result of the strike. He seems content with it, but we’re not. Someone who turns in a performance that honest and uplifting (difficult to do on such a series) should have roles thrown at him, instead he’s punching a clock.

Chile is entering the fold by becoming the fourth country to import The Office, just to make sure Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant can buy their own jets instead of having to share one. They are the first South American country to create a David Brent and could open up a whole network of possibilities for Gervais and Merchant to export their fifteen episode series too.

Alright, we’re going to wrap it up here. There is plenty of news worth mocking and maybe we’ll get to more of it later in the day, but right now were tired and somewhat depressed about the current headlines, so we’re going to cut our losses and actually do some Grade-A paper pushing.

Damn, I was under the impression that we missed an episode of Nip Tuck last week while in New Orleans and we were therefore exempt from recapping the last episode we saw and the one we never did. But after some extensive research (going to IMDB and seeing the episode schedule, about as extensive as we ever get) it appears that we did no such thing, and thus are obligated to cover the most recent episode, which we haven’t seen in over a month.

Things we remember about the last Nip Tuck we saw: Matt, forming a bond with his horribly deformed grief counselor, Christian and Julia all but telling Sean that they are sleeping together again before he discovers as such, and the title character getting shot in the face by his estranged son while playing Santa Clause. Oh, also, Kimber’s shacking up with the porn king (we can’t recall his name, so that is how he’ll be referred to from now on) and refusing to let Matt see his kid.

It was all kind of predictable and tired, as is Nip Tuck’s wont. Matt, for about the hundredth time in the series has had a revelation to lead him down a different path. This time it seems to be a more noble one than running off with a porn star and embracing Scientology, or exploring his proclivity for transexuals before beating one senseless. But still, the kid is troubled and wants his son back, who I’m almost positive will turn out to be Christian’s or someone else’s down the road, just because everything on this show has to be emotionally devastating for someone. Should I still be complaining about this series when I know exactly what its going to offer, and that’s what most people want out of the show? Probably not, but when I start watching a television series I hope to see it evolve and change over time. This has not been the case here.

Tell me what you don’t like about our characterization and plot structure?

With Christian sleeping with Julia, it is official: they should have kept the series in Miami to save the production costs that may have came with the move. There isn’t anything different about in this setting compared to its original, sans a few comments about “making it” in LA in the first few episodes. Maybe one of the characters from “Hearts and Scalpels” will hold them hostage for some unbeknownst reason, it may be completely contrived but at least it would happen as a result of the switch to SoCal.

And when do any of these characters become redeemable. For what Julia is doing to her ex-husband and doing it without even a semblance of guilt, it almost makes you glad that Eden is poisoning her. Slowly. Seriously, what the fuck? I’m pretty sure Julia is going to croak from obesity and/or heart disease long before this “poisoning”. Who the fuck eats fruit cake in this capacity? Does she walk around with it? Has Eden never heard of sodium cyanide? She’s certainly attractive enough to attain some, why the hold up? Oh yeah, for dramatic effect. What’s a good poisoning subplot without Joely Richardson really feigning some scenes of lightheadedness?

And the twist at the end with the kid shooter being Collins’ son wasn’t predictable by any means, but rather pointless and melodramatic. Especially when the mother pulls out the gun. How vengeful. Clearly this man deserves to die for falling behind on child support. Sean’s reaction to this news was almost transcendent, “what, your behind on paying your wife a monthly court ordered sum of money? Get out of my office. How dare you procreate without the financial means to do so; so ordered by the state!”

Anyhow, it goes without saying our last Nip Tuck experience was an unpleasant one. And with all this unpleasantness mounting from this series, our recaps for these series will be whim based instead of mandatory. Because while we like to see something through to its conclusion, the recaps are intended to highlight series that are enjoyable, interesting and groundbreaking. At the moment, we don’t consider Nip Tuck to be any of these things.