Grid Effect

It looks like we’ll have more material within a couple months. Why is that, you ask? Well, because the strike has, for all intensive purposes come to an end. Depending on which side you listen to, the other side won (not terribly surprising that everyone in Hollywood opts to play the victim card). But still, they can at least move on from all this hullabaloo and get back to entertaining us. In two months time we should be having weekly recaps of The Office, and, ummm, huh; well, maybe additional Friday Night Lights episodes. Well, that’s on top of South Park, which should be returning sooner rather than later.

So for the foreseeable future on Grid Effect, we’ll be recapping Survivor and The Wire. At some point in the next couple months South Park will be added to the docket, followed by The Office and potentially (though unlikely) FNL will be recapped as well. That’s five shows, about the best we ever do on this website.

If you’re a fan of the outrageous as opposed to the realistic, then I have some bad news for you, my friend. It appears Heroes and 24 are both done for this television season. That means no detonating nuclear missiles and no cheerleader that always wears her competitive outfit, even while saving the planet. If these things appeal to you, then 2009 will look much brighter than 2008. Also, if you’re looking for an upcoming schedule of which series’ will return to the airwaves when, then look no further.

The strike cost tinseltown an estimated $2 billion dollars. $2 billion. What is the country spending on the war per month? Doesn’t this have to ballpark it? $2 billion for roughly three months is $666,666,666 per month. Clearly I need to be making friends with these people as opposed to mocking them and their sometimes lazy, pedestrian work.

According to a recent survey — which are never inaccurate, much like exit polls — half of all British men would sacrifice six months for a new plasma. First off, six months is nothing. In the immortal words of George Costanza, “I could do six months on my head”. Secondly, suppose we lived in Britain, if we were to give up sex for six months for anything, it would probably be a pizza, or a cheeseburger, or something remotely edible. Not like the awfulness that is mainstream over there. And thirdly, if we’re giving up sex with just Great Britain residents, it’s not something we’d consider a huge loss. So we’d probably be willing to sacrifice sex in Great Britain for six months for a pack of mentos and a new basketball….But that’s just us.

To be fair, we value a pack of these like most people value their offspring.

For whatever reason, Craig Ferguson is voluntarily suggesting that should Letterman leave his post, that Jon Stewart should be named his successor, and not him. I mean, he’s right, but that’s not entirely the point. Has anyone ever voluntarily given up his opportunity to move up a time slot in the late night game? Christ, even Carson Daly is contending to fill Conan O’Brien’s shoes. And as little as we think of Craig Ferguson, Daly makes him look like Carson. In a way I admire this. He’s content with his position (which is a comfortable one) and doesn’t have an over-sized ego that needs validation, but it’s just so atypical.

FNL wasn’t intended to be a cliffhanger on Friday, which we find befuddling. They knew a strike was looming, they knew how many episodes they made and they knew what would happen in the final episode. So…what was the intention again? Look, we know you’re trying to bait Ben Silverman into extending the series at the expense of your fans, and that is fine, just own up to it. As fans, most of us probably appreciate the effort. But your series is too good for us to think you’re a retard, so just own these shenanigans and we’ll call it a day.

Finally, The Wire gets some award recognition. Along with 30 Rock, the WGA anointed these two programs best writing in a comedy and drama. I guess this is appropriate, writers recognize great writing, and is just another indication that we need to start watching 30 Rock.

Speaking of The Wire, here’s an interview with Lance Reddick and how he almost came to play crack addicted Bubbles instead of the straight and narrow, well-intentioned yet ladder climbing police lieutenant. I wonder if there’s any mention of those Cadillac commercials. Enter into this with caution, he has a completely different voice than what he uses on the series, the only person it seems like you can’t say that about is the one character with the most uniquely baffling accent: Snoop.

That’s all we have for the time being, back tomorrow with — yyyyyaaaaawwwwn — probably more of the same.

Though we usually do these on Friday, we figured since it is probably the last episode of the series, and it would free up the time for us to do our weekly Wire recap during the week (though those take twice as long to write as anything else we’ve done or will ever do), we’d just bump it up to a ho-hum day like Monday, wherein everything we watched the night before was a rerun.

It was a good episode to finish on, even with the limited finality to it. I mean, you could make a bunch of assumptions about the trajectory everything will take: Street will be a 19 year-old father, Riggins will hook up with Lyla, Landry does the same with Tyra, Saracen becomes a serial killer, Smash becomes a doctor, Eric and Tami live happily ever after. But assuming any of this would be absolutely presumptuous.

And that’s what’s so disappointing about them ending on a high note, if the dismal season has just continued its dismalness, then we wouldn’t be in a position where its actually regretful that they’re being pulled off the air mid-season. There is talk of ESPN, Bravo or USA picking up the series, should NBC neglect to renew it, but something like that isn’t in the foreseeable future. First the writer’s strike has to officially end, then NBC has to officially cancel the series, then the creators have to shop the series around, then cut a deal, then write, film, edit and produce all the episodes before a single one can air.

So as you can see, even if the series is going to finish its second season, it’ll be potentially a solid year before we see any results. Therefore, on this website were going to just assume the series is over and done with, so as not to be disappointed when it doesn’t come back (and elated if it does).

There was nothing particularly unique about Friday’s episode, essentially several male characters competing over women or rehashing old rivalries. Well, let me restate that, Tami Taylor’s old high school suitor coming back into the fray much to coach Taylor’s chagrin was unique in that we haven’t seen him yet, and that he was played by Peter Berg. The same Peter Berg who is a producer on this series, was the director on the Friday Night Lights movie, and played “Irish” Terry Conklin in The Great White Hype. While he’ll definitely be better remembered in the mainstream for the former two contributions, he’ll always be the dimwitted amateur boxer with a mean overhand right to me.

See, he’s not instigating anything. Just catching up on old times.

Anyhow, seeing Taylor’s perturbed response to his spry, overly-enthusiastic and transparently affable demeanor was something a bit uncharacteristic for him. Typically he’s the Cedric Daniels of Dillon, Texas. Never shook, always noble and willing to offer a helping hand, but his wife’s last boyfriend whose relationship he may or may not have sabotaged resurfacing in Dillon is too much to handle, especially when he refuses to leave. This all culminates in a fight in some restaurant called Carmello’s which is actually a restaurant in Austin, apparently.

Maybe the issue wasn’t the returning ex-boyfriend, but everything else Taylor is dealing with. Namely, Smash demanding his ascendence into a top-tier division I football program. While in reality, he’d still be going to a big 12 or SEC school without any repercussions or fallout, he is relegated to limiting his options to mid-majors in TV land, and settles on Whitmore, an under-performing but close-knit football team.

No word on how quickly Noelle dumps him, but we assume it was abrupt and unpleasant. She reminded us of Bill Paxton’s wife in this really great but obscure 1998 film, A Simple Plan. In the film, Paxton, his borderline retarded brother (naturally played by Billy Bob Thornton) and his alcoholic friend find a bag of cash while hunting, plan to keep it stashed away until any concern for it blows over, and things sort of devolve from there. Throughout the course of the film, Paxton’s wife continually offers up plans as to evade suspicion and every single plan she has ends catastrophically. Paxton even has a line at some point in the film, “Every time we do what you suggest, someone ends up dead!” As you would imagine, its fucking hysterical.

Anyhow, we actually see Smash make the transition from Taylor as his high school father figure to the college coach taking up the responsibility. If this scene reminded us of anything, it reminded us of how Taylor convinced Voodoo to come to Dillon. Hopefully this has better results. Not like we’ll ever know or anything.

College daddy is much more flexible than high school daddy.

Oh, and Taylor is also preoccupied offering child-rearing advice to former players, namely a one Jason Street, whose one night stand from a month or so ago has turned into an experiment in paraplegic fertility. And wouldn’t you know it, he’s producing sperm! Seeing this as quite possibly his only chance to have a child, Street spends the entire episode trying to convince said woman whose name has escaped me to have his child. The episode ends with him pleading with her to “just give it a chance”, which is a little meta, but comical. We tend to think the Street character is a little too tightly wound, but we can see his urgency here. For someone who was always so respectable and committed, we don’t expect him to lose those character traits with the function of his legs.

Also, we’ve been impressed how little this storyline has inflamed conversations about abortion rights because it is so easy for these commenter websites to spiral out of control about something more or less off topic. We suppose this speaks to the caliber of fan of this series.

Switching gears rather abruptly, Riggins is still chasing Lyla, whose greatest advantage will turn out to be his willingness to screw her like an animal, something the chaste Chris seems unwilling or incapable of doing. This, as has been made explicitly clear, is something Lyla is sorely lacking in her life, and while Chris seems remarkably confident for someone so seemingly inexperienced, his chances aren’t looking all that great. He can take heed that he’ll probably be immensely more successful post high school. Something tells me that such a sentiment wouldn’t be very comforting at the moment. Also, we suspect that the radio thing wasn’t only for comedic, plot developing effect, but also something Riggins might end up doing after his high school career.

Other notes:
-Virtually no Julie, but being impressed/embarrassed by her father’s chivalry.

-Landry seems content with Tyra, though her attention span will never stay attached to someone like Landry. He isn’t enough of a drunken lout. Though he is scoring touchdowns in blowout football games.

-Matt seems to have recovered from his existential crisis from last week, but is still wallowing in despair and scorning all women. We didn’t hear much from him all episode.

-Still no Buddy and very little Santiago, which we can’t say was missed.

Definitely a high note and one of their three better episodes this season. We’ve never needed anything groundbreaking, just growth with the already perfectly developed characters, and that is what we got. At this point we almost need those last six episodes for a sense of closure, and so it gives the second season an opportunity to be deemed a success. Because four out of fifteen episodes being strong, does not a successful season make.

Anyhow, we feel like Helen Hunt in Cast Away, we’re not sure whether to move on or mourn this loss. Will it return? Is it gone forever? If it is, what, exactly, would we fill its void with? We imagine nothing.

Back with links tomorrow.

Mixed reactions to this episode. Everyone seemed to enjoy it sans the Omar leap, and since that was the second to last scene of the episode it has dominated all conversation about the episode. Whereas the McNyulty-Templeton standoff was really the highlight of the episode. But I do agree, as I’ve stated numerous times about the journalism angle, that there just isn’t as many shaded of gray in the newsroom as there is/was in city hall, the schools, the street, the BPD or the docks. For whatever reason, be it time contstraints combined with an exceptionally large ensemble cast, a vindictive David Simon, lazy writing or our ridiculously high expectations, the journalists simply aren’t capturing the hearts and minds like our other corrupt and immoral institutions.

Anyhow, it is still The Wire, and there was plenty to enjoy about this episode. Even as great as what are quite possibly the last two episodes of FNL were, they still don’t effect me like even the worst episode of The Wire.

Where to begin? Ah, the newest form of criminal communication. This has to be the biggest use of a cell phone in a drama since The Departed. The cold open was a little more plot heavy than usual (again: time constraints), but it gave us Vondas for a few minutes, whose patient but seemed to grow tired of Marlo’s dimness much like Prop Joe did. Anyhow, we’re without a clue as to how messages are being transmitted. Lester’s befuddled reaction is just more setbacks to an already far-fetched plan. The worst possible outcome for this story is that they pull off the ruse to no avail, and Marlo walks free. Sadly, it seems that’s the route we’re taking.

The intended target has his own concerns. Namely, putting an end to the reign of terror on drug dealers known as Omar Little. And again, sadly, it seems Omar could be in over his head. We’ve never seen him cornered like he was before, and explains in part why he leaped to what one would think is his untimely (or overdue) demise. We wonder if Omar had been put in similar situations what he would have done. Transported? Time traveled? Ran through walls? We don’t really understand why they had Monk’s fake apartment five floors from the ground if they planned on having Omar jump off of it (why not just put it on the first or second floor?). We kid, but we’re going to withhold judgment until we are privy to the aftermath (we are, but we’re pretending like we’re not).

Also, the entire humanizing Marlo and Chris thing is really unsettling. Its been two seasons of me despising the little sociopathic creeps with little reflection, I really do not want to have to adapt now, with only five episodes left in the series. Seeing Chris with his family then Marlo smiling and discussing victory trips to AC is just too much. This guy has been obsessed with wearing the crown with little concern for not only anyones well-being, but also his own enjoyment. Because that’s how Marlo got his kicks, pillaging and murdering. The notion of him sitting at a roulette table yucking it up with the other patrons is something I really can’t fathom. Though we are aware of his affinity for gambling. That is, after all, how this entire Omar debacle jumped off.

It’s also intriguing to see Marlo and Chris’ diverging perspectives on the entire Omar thing. Marlo knows he won’t be the first targeted, so he’s much more aggressive. Meanwhile Chris has to do all the grunt work. Their exchange walking to the car from Chris’ family was probably the most contentious exchange they’ve had:

Marlo: How long you tell your peoples you’ll be gone?
Chris: Couple weeks.
Marlo: Shouldn’t take more than that.
Chris: Better not.

Remember how Stringer and Avon fell? Yeah, they were both conspiring to get rid of one another over what direction to take their empire. Its not entirely impossible that Omar dispatches Marlo and Chris in the same manner he did Stringer and Avon, but I’m not optimistic. Marlo and Chris haven’t reached the point of laundering money like that (though the wheels are in motion) and neither of them seem to aspire to reach the heights like Stringer did. They seemed more enamored with the power than the material reward that comes along with running the drug trade. At its core, these motivations are responsible for why everyone hates them infinitely more than the Barksdale crew.

While we are all a bit disengaged with the newsroom addition, just hearing Joseph Stewart (Prop Joe) and Nathaniel Manns (Hungry Mann) name-dropped is a worthwhile scene. Really adds to the efficacy of the “It’s all connected” moniker. Now that they actually have a story, and are given scenes that directly interact with the series at large, we find this faction of the series entirely redeemable. Watching McNulty dissect Templeton’s story, then play that newsroom for Lester’s wire is something so nuanced, so pitch-perfect and so rooted in the characterization of McNulty, that we are glad that The Sun was there to stand in and let our anti-hero pull off one of the better scenes in the series’ history. And we fully stand by that claim. If not for the comedic effect, then for the dramatic. There is so much at stake for everyone now.

Even for our political leaders. And you have to hand it to Carcetti. Despite his twisted priorities, at least he still picks the correct political battles. Honestly, if you’re ever going to pick a politician to wage a petty window dressing battle against, at least he’s doing it against Clay Davis. Someone so corrupt he doesn’t even feel the least bit of guilt to his many misdeeds. We imagine the serial killer thread will somehow keep Davis in office, unscathed.

The wicked witch of Calvert St. beats some sense in to her cohort.

On the other end, Daniels struggling with the bureaucracy could reach a boiling point. Ever since his scathing, “So one thievin’ politician trumps twenty-two dead bodies, good to know” from this season premiere, he has appeared at his wits end. Clearly he already is with his snapping at Lester’s berating him. While he is in the right and it is understandable, it is completely out of character for his usually collected posturing. Typically, he’s able to bite his tongue or at least maintain his composure, but that isn’t possible now. Shit, he was even getting snippy to Carcetti.

Completely unrelated, what’s happening to Dukie is probably the embodiment of tragedy. We actually believe he would operate well as a kingpin, but is incapable of taking the necessary steps to get there. Either way, he has no real interest in it, but feels compelled to adapt for mere survival. At about fifteen, we can’t think of anything more disheartening. Cutty’s talk with him was probably the most memorable scene from this series in a historical sense. It couldn’t have been more poignant and sorrowful, on both sides. Cutty strikes me as someone going to his grave with a mountain of regret and Dukie is soul-searching like Bubbles. What’s really depressing about Dukie, is everyone recognizes how much he is capable of, but he doesn’t have an appropriate outlet to harness his strengths, and no one has any answers for him. Do not interpret this as a spoiler, because it is pure speculation, but we assume he’ll be using before the end of the season.

Other notes:
-If nothing else, McNulty is going to at least lose Beadie, the lecture from Sheila also humanized her and made us see her in a different light. In the first couple of seasons she was essentially a one note inconvenience to our flawed protagonist. Also, the band Dead Meadow that Mike referenced, is David Simon’s nephew’s band.

-Our favorite peripheral newsroom character has to be Zorsi. His short temper with Rhonda (”not to be all petulant on her your special day and all”) and with Gus and some other editor (”How do you expect me to write this thing with your fucking fingers in my eyes?”) had us in stitches.

-It’s nice to have the ultra smarmy Levy back in the fold, especially if it entails Herc’s moral flexibility actually working for the objective side of good. We hope Carver or Lester is given the opportunity to remind Marlo about that camera, but for whatever reason that moment of triumph will probably never happen.

-Loved McNulty’s, “we’ll see how it goes” with his fake killers maturing after Templeton inquires about cannabilism.
Also, “Not at home, I imagine”.

-How the fuck does Landsman not break that god damn office chair? He was on some Fox News show called “Red Eye” obviously on late night.

-Sssshhhhhhheeeeeeiiiiiiiiiittttt. Glad to see the increased absurdity of this season is reflected in Clay Davis’ catch phrase.

-”Is this the high hat? Ya’ll still doin the carra aut? I want some of that pepper steak.”

-Bubbles absolutely has to stay clean, were not going to be able to stomach watching him recross those tracks. This seems like survivors guilt in the same vein as Tommy Gavin.

-I get the impression Nathan Levi Boston is going to play a contributing role in all of this some how.

You know, we complain about this episode, but look at all the material available for debate and conversation. That alone speaks to the strength of the series. Several have mentioned that this season is much more frantic and overly occupied than others. While I would agree, its not necessarily a bad thing. We are familiar enough with all the characters, a surplus of exposition and explanation doesn’t feel necessary. Not that any of the previous seasons were spent wasting time or hammering home obvious points, but with two or three fewer episodes, its not entirely surprising anything this season feels abrupt.

Enjoy tonight’s episode, while we referred to this episode as a “doozy” (in a rushed, hungover stupor), we’ll just call tonight’s episode fucking chilling.

Like was stated in the post on Monday, FNL really experienced a return to form in this episode. Virtually all the camera time was devoted to characters we are familiar with and appreciate, the storylines all felt interwoven, significant and realistic (sans the Smash’s arc. but we’ll get to that in a second) and nothing was overwritten. Any melodrama that was attached to this episode only came out when it was appropriate.

So yeah, we’ve had about fifteen episodes this season, and this is the first one to revolve around Matt Saracen. The quarterback. On a show supposedly about high school football and the community it resides in. Anyhow, his fallout this episode after the abandonment of Carlotta (which was two episodes ago) was a long time coming, never the less, it shouldn’t have been 3/4’s of the way through what is probably their final season. The scene with Taylor dragging him down the hallway then throwing him in the shower, only to feel guilty about it after Matt completely unloaded was probably one of the more poignant scenes this series has had.

And yet it felt inorganic in a way. While Saracen has been piddling away in the background for most of the season, there was really no suggestion that he was on his last straw with Carlotta, or how much he was actually attached to her. It appears it was more about his own issues with feeling unwanted than anything to do with his twenty-something Latino girlfriend, but that only became apparent in that scene with him in the shower. But in a single episode he goes from living everyday of his life like he normally would, to skipping class to get drunk with Riggins, patroning strip clubs and only showing up to practice drunk, which not only is Riggins built better for, but also his position (fullback) accommodates such behavior much better than Saracen’s.

And see, they followed up last episode brilliantly with just a small callback to it, when Riggins approaches Lyla and Chris’ lunch table and intentionally makes everyone uncomfortable except himself. This was surprising yet welcomed, typically this season they’ve dropped plot lines altogether then would pick them up several episodes later, which is alright if you remind us that it exists in moments like this. I suppose that’s hard to do when there are six different stories going at once, and there is never an effort to have them intersect. Obviously you can’t have the same two or three arcs dominate every episode, but just a reminder that they’re still ongoing is crucial.

Anyhow, That Chris kid seems fairly certain that Riggins won’t knock him on his ass, I suppose that’s the result of devout Christianity, but I really have no idea. People have been murdered over much less attractive women then Minka Kelly. And the culprit isn’t always necessarily shitfaced, neither.

The Smash storyline, while we thought the acting from Gaius Charles was superb in this episode, and the writing and pacing of it in this episode alone was fantastic, it has all felt so outrageous. We like the concept of Smash, someone whose spent his entire life relying on football as his sole means to an end, finding his athletic future (and thus his future in general) in jeopardy. But over slugging some kid in a movie theater? People are aware of how much high profile athletes get away with, right? We could see him being suspended for one high school game, but for the remainder of the regular season and to have his scholarship revoked? Please. There were kids at my high school on the football team who got D.U. fucking I’s and missed nary a start.

Point being, public perception carries the day in matters like these. If an entire voting block like the town of Dillon disapproved of Smash missing the subsequent three games, somehow or someway Smash would wind up on that field at the end of this episode, not crying devastatingly in the locker room. The writing for this episode worked perfectly, but there had to be a better manner of getting to this point in his character.

This reminds me of the whole Randy Moss debacle. He was set to got to Florida State, got into trouble over something, they suspended his scholarship and he signed with Notre Dame. Naturally he got into trouble again, and ended up going to an inferior but recognizable D-1 school in Marshall, in Huntington, West Virginia just outside of his hometown. If you are unfamiliar with who Randy Moss is, he just set the single season NFL record for touchdown receptions on the New England Patriots.

So really, if Smash is the prolific running back that the series would have us believe, if he couldn’t get into TMU (UT), then he would definitely be signing at Tech, or A&M, or Alabama who was literally stalking him and his family a couple episodes ago.

Whoa ho, it appears Landry’s not the only one with options. Though I think the above is as absurd as him dating Tyra.

Landry did in fact make a mistake dropping Jean for Tyra. This may be an unpopular opinion given the nature and aesthetic appeal of Tyra Collette, but she just seems really unpleasant to be around. And despite how much Landry wants to tell himself otherwise, the two of them have nothing in common. Remember his referencing West Side Story and her being completely unfamiliar with it? Yeah, not that I’m all that into musicals or anything, but someone who didn’t even know what it was I don’t think I could talk to, or take seriously in any way. I had a friend who didn’t believe in evolution, but didn’t even know what intelligent design or creationism was either.

Anyhow, I like how the writers have handled their relationship. If they had avoided that absurd murder plot, it would have been perfect, actually. But then why would Tyra have ever slept with him in the first place if he hadn’t had done her killing for her? God that made me nauseous. It is also appreciated that Jean is looked upon as sympathetic in this situation, and that there is a great chance that Landry ends up regretting this.

Other notes:

-The Julie character annoys the hell out of me. She actually had something to be bitter about this episode and it was still unbearable.

-Though we loved the scene outside of the DMV with the instructor and Tami, but the scene with Tami waving to her daughter as she pulled off for her drivers test was pretty overly fucking sentimental. Something that this series is occasionally guilty of, but the episode was so brilliant that we’ll let it slide.

-No Street, No Herc, no Santiago, very little Buddy and Lyla tends to make a good episode. Not because any of these characters are completely contrived or uninteresting, but because it let the stories they focused on breath a little more.

Clearly, without a doubt the best episode so far into the second season. And with only one episode left until the strike overtakes this series as well, it is almost regrettable. We were all ready for its inevitable cancellation as of “Humble Pie”, but now we’ve been reminded of how great it can be, and want to see it renewed. Tonight could very well be the last episode ever of this series, so enjoy it while you can. Because their is little incentive for NBC to greenlight the production of the last five or six episodes (you mean putting it on Friday nights didn’t increase the ratings? But, but, it has the word “Friday” in the title. How is this possible?) much less renew them for a third season.

Oh well, we can always hold out for AMC or a premium network to pick up the series.

Back with a Wire recap sometime before Sunday night.

While we understand the motivation to label the Survivor veterans “Favorites” (namely, it makes for a catchy title), it doesn’t actually entail any sort of logic. Just because you have participated in something before or for a longer period of time, doesn’t necessarily imply that you are better at it. Dirk Nowitzki has been playing basketball for a few more years than LeBron James, but he is clearly the inferior talent.

Still, we like some of the people they brought back. Their interaction with some of the unfamiliar contestants will be interesting to see how people respond to them. We can’t say we’re familiar with all of them, but definitely the majority. And we’ll try to provide some insight along with the dick jokes.

Look at how organized! That’s how you know they’ve done this before.

Amanda
The amazonian beauty queen from Montana is back. You’ll recognize her from the dismal, much maligned China season that just ended in December. We’re glad to see her back though since she was grouped with such a ridiculous cast, she’ll either be evenly or overly matched going into this based on her performance last season. She has a pet horse though, which is somewhat obnoxious, but since she is from Montana we’ll ignore the fact that she currently lives in LA.

Ami
The barista with ice water in her veins. If she wasn’t so authoritarian, she probably could have done walked away with the million during Vanuatu. She is a threat, but we’ll see if anyone here other than Eliza is as easily manipulated as her female alliance was in her rookie season. And yes, this is the same Ami that we referenced in the earlier post, if she can last until the merge, playing that female solidarity card could be useful.

Cirie
Something of a hanger-on during her stint in the Panama season. She had a few pivotal strategical moves and certainly made it a lot further than anyone would have thought after coming within a short hair of being the first person eliminated. This was during what was probabl the most forgettable season to date in which Aras won the whole shebang. Remember him and Terry? The guy with all the analytical and physical skill versus the popular younger opponent, and the latter ended up knocking off the former during the last challenge, because the former had the immunity idol but failed to make any strategical plays with it? Yeah, that was her season.

Eliza
From the gender-aligned Vanuatu season we saw maybe two episodes of (we had to wait for the following season to actually begin to give a shit about this show). From what we could gather, Eliza was obnoxious, spoiled, entitled and divisive. She should be classified neither as a favorite to win the game nor a crowd favorite, but here she is in all her glory. All thirty pounds of her. She was one of Ami’s loyal foot soldiers for the majority of their time in Vanuatu, and we expect her to be the same here.

James
The over-sized gravedigger from last season whom everyone remembers infamously neglecting to play one of two immunity idols with only three tribal councils remaining. This guy doesn’t exactly take the crab out of crab soup, but he brings an otherworldly element to the game, one that’s as dense as it is physically imposing. We went all through last season with really wavering opinions about James, he has at times come off as boorish and shortsighted, but after his departure he was nothing but gracious and affable (though still somewhat boorish). We expect him to play a sharper social game this time around.

Jonathan
This is the same Jonathan that we referenced in the post earlier today. For as well as he played the hand he was dealt in Cook Islands, we still remember him most vividly for his “This is a game, there are no bad guys in monopoly line”. This season was top heavy with talent, and was also the infamous racially divided seasons that had everyone all riled up for about forty hours, and incidentally gave us three great contestants in Jonathan, Yul and Ozzy. Speaking of which…

Ozzy
The baddest, leanest, strongest, most versatile contestant we’ve ever seen in challenges. He makes everyone else look one-dimensional. We’re not sure about his entire ultra hippie vibe back here in civilization, he seems like the type who’ll eventually end up on a commune somewhere. But his desired lifestyle is ideal for Survivor. If there is anyone who can be entirely self-sufficient in this herd, it is Ozzy.

Parvati
Appropriately her last name is shallow, this is the same foxy boxer from the Cook Islands season, along with the two above candidates. She didn’t leave nearly the impression of the other two, and we’re not exactly sure what her strengths are, but we’re not sure if she has any real weaknesses either. Sure, she isn’t ideal for a puzzle challenge, but she never struck us as the last person you would want up there. Of course, we could be remembering things wrong. Anyhow, with two fellow Cook Island alums, she will at least have some allies.

Yau-Man
One of the nicest, easiest going, strategic contestants we can recall. He put his trust in “Dreamz” during the Fiji season, and that turned around to bite him in the ass, but watching him and Earl dice through the Alex & Companies alliance that season was something to beholden. The only strategic challengers we see within his alliance are…umm, Jonathan. Maybe Ami. Assuming he isn’t targeted and manages to make friends quickly, he should sustain a decent run.

Johnny Fairplay
We didn’t watch this season, but we know all about the “mother has cancer” play that he worked to a tee. While we find the move morally reprehensible, there is something to be said for someone so indifferent to humanity that he’s willing to disgrace everyone around him for the potential gain of a few dollars. If nothing else, you have to take several precautionary measures in dealing with him, which means he’ll definitely be a scapegoat the first time they lose an immunity challenge.

The difference between this set of contestants versus the “Fans”, is that everyone here has a past that everyone will most likely be familiar with. With all these pre-set notions flying about and circling over everyone’s head, we’re not exactly sure who aligns with whom, and so forth. Our predictions for a successful male and female candidate:
Jonathan
Amanda

Enjoy the premiere tonight, needless to say we never expect much from them, but were patient with Survivor, probably to our own detriment. However, if this season doesn’t improve on the last, we’re probably done with this show as well. We won’t quit on it before the finale, mainly because it’s a Survivor season and things can change for the better on a dime. But if there is more hogwash such as someone like Todd winning, or if there is as much James adulation here as there was in China, or generically comical special effects, then we’ll have to close the curtain on the only watchable reality show around.

Since we are so hard-pressed for decent scripted television, we thought we’d shift to an emphasis on reality game shows. Rarely do we ever discuss Survivor outside the context of an episode, but since we couldn’t stomach another links post, we figure we’d give our first impressions of the new contestants. A judge of the book by its cover post, if you will. We know absolutely nothing about this first batch of castaways, since they’re the challengers so to speak. We promise we’ll have something more insightful to add when previewing the returning contestants, but for right now we’re going to be deeply superficial.

We posted this picture yesterday, try to match the faces with the descriptions below. it might come easier than expected.

Alexis
Twenty-four and from one of my favorite cities in the country: Austin, Texas; Alexis has attained like 47 degrees in soft skills from USC. While this is all very impressive, it’s somewhat daunting that with all that devotion to higher education, matters of logic obviously behoove her otherwise she clearly would have stayed in Austin for school. Look for her to over complicate things due to her multiple, virtually worthless degrees, and with her background in non-profit work for empowering women/girls we are fully expecting her to become one of Ami’s minions (assuming both of the advance to the merge). Or who knows, maybe there will be a power struggle between the two, that would be the bees knees.

Chet
Probably a polar opposite from Alexis, Chet has lived in the same house since the day he was born in Fort City, PA. He describes himself as “magical”, so if shrinks someone’s head we can’t say he didn’t warn us, and in his spare time is a pageant coach. Spare time? What the fuck? Aren’t their enough overbearing mothers who force their kids into these things that the services of a pageant coach are a full time gig? Oh well, judging by his CBS photo, he looks like a white reincarnation of Ozzy.

Erik
A college student at Eastern Michigan, Erik is clearly a snowboarder. Or rather, he should be, because the resemblance to that flying tomato kid is uncanny. He’s also a University of Michigan football fan. So obviously in addition to being a pot-addled, snowboarding suburbanite, he’s also rather evil, and was probably the person who chucked that golf ball at my head in 2003. Expect him to fall and fall hard, much like everything associated with Michigan nowadays.

Jason
A student teacher at a middle school somewhere in Illinois, homeboy here is essentially what I imagine Erik aspires to emulate. When someone describes themselves as “liberal” or identifies himself with any other political ideology for a fucking Survivor bio, we’re quite certain this person will be immensely unlikable. If you’re so entrenched in your own bullshit that it’s one of your defining characteristics, we figure you’ll probably be entirely too self-righteous for a game that intricately involves a group of strangers walking on eggshells around each other in order to advance to the next round.

Joel
Assuming he doesn’t put too large of a target on his back, this guy will be a beast. A firefighter with no pretentious classifications anywhere on his CBS profile. He also has a college degree in human communications. It is from Arizona State, but still, the college degree in and of itself combined with the profession speaks to a well-rounded contestant. Never mind that the degree directly correlates to something imperative in Survivor.

Kathleen
The matriarch of the new contestants. She resides in Wisconsin, is married, and has an even more versatile work history then our current “Fan” favorite Jason. Judging by the age discrepancy between her and the rest of the new female castaways, she’ll probably have a tough time forming any kind of bond, which is always pivotal in the first few days at camp. We always like an underdog, so we’re rooting for her. At least until we see an episode.

Mary
Mary is a thirty year-old sales manager, whose worked in the same field her entire adult life. If you mosey on over to her CBS page, it’s easy to understand why. We’re not saying it’s her only asset, we’re sure she’s an absolute genius; but when CBS thinks enough of your upper torso to include it in your portrait while sporting nothing more than a bikini, it’s probably your most valuable one.

Mikey B
A Jonathan Penner clone, or so it seems. We’re never a big fan of the people who place their last initial at the end of their first name, but Penner is probably one of the three or four easiest contestants to root for in the history of this show, so we’ll give the “aspiring writer/actor” the benefit of the doubt. He (or CBS), like so many of the contestants above, mentions his pets as “who he lives with”, which is incredibly depressing. Anyhow, there is absolutely nothing about this guys profile to assume anything about his potential performance in the game.

Natalie
Another potential Ami minion, which we can only assume based on her self-description of being “bitchy and self-reliant”. A personal trainer so probably a threat in physical challenges. When she isn’t motivating people she most likely looks down on, her hobbies include toying with her ‘72 Cutlass Supreme and eating out and oh my god she’s a fucking clone of one of our friends girlfriends. Not surprisingly, she lives with her birds: Libre, Sebastian and Prince. For some reason we think she might be a little alienating.

Tracey
God damn it, a contestant we can’t really pigeonhole with some sort of stereotype. That’s never any fun but always flummoxing. Um, she’s a bit older than she looks, so there’s that. In addition to having some pet dogs, she also has children and much like Natalie, also enjoys fitness instruction. We are predicting an early alliance with these two. Given the generational similarity she shares with Kathleen, she is also a likely ally.

So that is only half of the cast, and doing predictions like this is always an exercise in futility. But if we were to pick one male and one female contestant to do well from the “Fans”, we’d probably go with Jason and Alexis. You can find more comprehensive predictions here and here.

Back later with a preview of the “Favorites” half of the castaways.

If anyone was expecting some witty prose on a specific topic, then they came to the wrong place. When it comes to something like a television blog, not watching television tends to limit ones scope of material, and that is exactly what we have done. Not intentionally, of course. We would love to have some choice entertainment on weeknights. But the bottom line is there just isn’t much worth tuning in to.

As for current, viewable television, we’ve got one more episode of Friday Night Lights before the writers strike effect kicks in, and five more episodes of The Wire until the greatest television drama ever concludes. Other than that, we at least have a new season of Survivor kicking off tomorrow night, which we’ll preview over the course of the day tomorrow. But for the time being, expect more nonsense like frivolous links and strike updates, because we are plum out of ideas.

These are your new castaways for tomorrow’s premiere. Certainly a heightened emphasis on eye candy. Always a good moment for the folks.

Like, for example, we caught about four minutes of Nip Tuck last night during breaks from super Tuesday coverage. If you want an update, Christian is now screwing some socialites to persuade them to become clients and Sean is still infatuated with Eden. Meanwhile, pigs still aren’t flying and water is still wet. Man, I haven’t felt this liberated since that time I slashed my neighbors tires for screwing his girlfriend on the hood of my car. Wait, what?

Teri Hatcher won a $2 million dollar lawsuit against some makeup company. Not that this is relevant to anything ever discussed on this site, but this is just a great day for the little guy. Its not everyday a rich, famous actress can stick it to the corrupt makeup conglomerate. Seriously good news for anyone whose ever been asked to be a spokesperson.

Here’s the new “bachelor” for ABC’s fledgling reality series. We don’t like throwing this term around because it seems overused and applied to any male who demonstrates even a semblance of self-confidence nowadays…but this guy is a total douche. Like, Douchy Mcdouchenson might be his legal nickname. Whatever, we’re certain the female contestants vapid, self-centered materialism will rival his douchosity.

GoDaddy experienced a spike in website hits after the “Too hot for TV” Superbowl ads. Shocking, I know. Sex appeal increasing consumer intrigue, its like this country is no longer hanging witches. But really we expect Danica Patrick was referring to her race car’s engine and she was incapable of doing any mechanical work on it. Did anyone of you people watch it? We refused to visit the site because we have an acute disdain for this broad. She seems like a cool dame, but talk about unwarranted celebrity. Man, at least Anna Kournikova was actually, bona fide hot.

As you can tell, we’re over-extended and desperate for material, so consider this a plea for tips. If you discover anything newsworthy in the industry, feel free to send it our way. Otherwise, expect a Survivor preview tomorrow.

Just a few links to continue this dreary two week stint (and counting) on this website. The only television we watched last night was Daily Show and Colbert Report, both of which furthered the ongoing feud between the comedy central hosts and the future tonight show host. We have to say, in lieu of the writers, continuing this running gag is probably the best alternative for both parties. All three personalities were featured on both variety shows, look for Colbert and Stewart to pop up on Conan’s show some time in the near future (They may have already gone on last night, we didn’t bother to find out though).

Here’s something with Jeff Probst walking through the new tribal council for the upcoming Survivor season. We didn’t watch it, because any type of Survivor hype strikes us as unsettling, unnecessary and flat out corny, in fact its probably the sole reason we didn’t bother to watch the series for its first eight or nine seasons. Essentially, we’re just posting this as an excuse to remind you that there is a new season starting Thursday, and it can only improve from last season.

Here’s an incredibly misinformed article from The Guardian relating celebrity to American politics. Clearly, and we don’t know how else to say this: this cat has obviously never been to a red state. Anyhow, relative to the article, if we’re picking our nation’s leaders based on their caliber of celebrity endorser, Obama (Clooney and Larry David) beats Clinton (Ted Danson and Barbara Streisand) in a fucking landslide.

Jason Bateman confirms Jeffrey Tambor’s confirmation of his previous declarations. Also, he adds what we already did about the decision lying solely on Mitchell Hurwitz’s shoulders. Jesus, you know, its not like the majority of the cast is struggling post AD. Cera has been in two featured films that have grossed tons of money and critical acclaim, Bateman is regularly in films with large releases, Portia De Rossi is trudging along on Nip Tuck, David Cross and Will Arnett are perennially in pedestrian comedies. All this success and they still want to reunite, that in and of itself is surprising and almost unprecedented.

The one-time president of the Bluth Company.

It’s looking grim for the future of Friday Night Lights. Not exactly news, but when the president of entertainment admits as much, then there is virtually no reason to be hopeful. Naturally, this announcement comes in the aftermath of what is unequivocally their best episode of the season. Whatever, I’m sure they can fill their time slot with yet another hour of Deal or No Deal.

Speaking of our favorite melodrama, here’s an article with writers from The Office, Mindy Kaling (Kelly) and Ryan Koh, writing the synopsis for the final episodes of the current FNL season and the climactic (also comedic) scene of the finale. There are four other features similar to this in the article, with television writers taking over for series’ completely different from their natural skill set, though this is the only one involving two series’ we watch.

Oh, and in case you were really anticipating the end of the writers strike, just settle down. Because even if it ended to day, we’d still have a month long hiatus before a new episode aired. Oh, and the WGA would also like to remind you that a deal has yet to be reached. So yeah, don’t look to drop your new healthy and productive lifestyle just yet.

So, is there a more appropriate post to do the day after the Superbowl? I really can’t think of anything relevant outside of the game. Speaking of which, and we don’t want to complain too much, we won a bundle of money last night and enjoyed it thoroughly, but after watching thirty seconds of the Puppy Bowl on Animal planet, the latter clearly had better production values then the former. I mean, they had a camera on the bottom of the water bowl. This is the Animal Planet equivalent of the Card Cam in poker. A freaking camera! We all get to look the puppies in the eye as they are enjoying their sustenance. Man, that is genius.

This pretty much summarizes the three hour telecast, it’s very sophisticated.

As far as commercials went, we thought they were vastly improved on recent years. A lot of talking animals though. Seriously, it was like a fucking Pixar movie. Maybe ad executives looked at how much money those movies regularly bring in, then hoped the same theory would translate to televised advertising, because the abundance of non-sentients verbally exchanging opinions and emotions was hard to not notice. Anyhow, we liked the one with the baby and the hired clown, though we can’t remember what product or service was being hawked, so we’re not sure how effective it was. That award goes to the Career Builder ad where the woman’s heart literally jumped out of her body and handed in her walking papers in hopes of a more altruistic career path. In fact, it served as nightmare fuel.

Some links:

Jeffrey Tambor (aka George Bluth) has now joined Jason Bateman on the campaign, blazing a trail for the Arrested Development movie to be made. I’m giddy, but also realistic, because all of these actors opinions are only good for verifying that they’d be willing to participate. Nothing gets made until Mitchell Hurwitz decides he wants to make it. Considering he was part of the reason the deal with Showtime was shutdown, we’re still only cautiously optimistic.

We are inching closer to the writer’s strike concluding, we kind of don’t care about the details so we didn’t read the article. But still, if this means FNL can pick up where it will leave off this Friday in a couple months, then we are all for it. Speaking of which, after a disappointing episode, they really stepped up their game and delivered what’s definitively the best episode of the second season this past Friday. Seriously, that was vintage season one FNL, the reasons everyone in the small but loyal fan base became so devoted to it in the first place were exemplified three nights ago.

Even with the news of a pending agreement, talks were postponed until after the Superbowl. To which we ask: Who gives a shit? They canceled Sunday school when I was younger for the Superbowl (we used to question the validity of this since we never got off for the NBA all-star game) and it was always a letdown in the mid-90’s. But that was irrelevant, because it’s virtually a national holiday at this point regardless of what some might consider the pervasive elements that surround it, and its place in the cultural landscape is undeniable. If people put matters of faith on hold for it, then it really shouldn’t come as any surprise when a gaggle of millionaires set business aside on a fucking Sunday.

This is probably it for today, back with something similarly non-descriptive tomorrow.

As hungover as we currently are, we really loathe having to write this thing. Or rather, feeling obligated to write it, since no one is holding a firearm to our head. But skipping a recap of a Wire episode is grounds for banishment from my editor. I’m just kidding, we don’t have editors. Anyhow, The themes of the episode are firmly entrenched in the title, but we’ll try to extrapolate. This will be a little more disjointed then my other posts, so if its actually written left to right I’d be surprised.

Obviously the title is referencing the changing of the guard in the police department and in the drug game, and everything in one instance was mirrored in the other. Prop Joe’s schpiel to Cheese right before Cheese had him executed was reminiscent of Burrell’s explanation of the job to Rawls, who looked happier than a pig in shit to get a job he was only going to hold temporarily. Marlo’s orgasmic face with the murder of Prop Joe mirrored Daniels sitting behind the commissioner’s desk, albeit one was a lot more wholesome than the other, but hey, we all have our ways of celebrating.

Prop Joe’s absence on this series will be felt, few people have moments like the one he had at and outside of the florist, a truly remorseful character who recognizes the hazards of his industry an didn’t even fight his own demise, but rather accepted it begrudgingly. It was refreshing to hear him offer one last proposition, even though it was rejected. Marlo wearing a shirt that said, “Royal addiction” was all too appropriate, because this guy is a complete and total narcissistic sociopath. I’ve never rooted for a character meet his maker, given the complexities of most of these guys (outside of the newsroom), but that ban has been lifted. We are now actively hoping to see Marlo’s head roll.

Best of luck Big man, consider us ardent supporters of your future endeavors, acting and otherwise.

We’re going to keep this short because the game is coming on in less than an hour and since no one is going to read this, we might as well wrap it up and get ready to watch our prop bets fail to come through:

-Kima also in a transitional phase, recognizing her parental obligations at the site of a traumatized boy. We never thought they would devote this much time to her characterization, but there you go.

-Speaking trauma, I think Omar really shook Slim Charles to the core. That scene in the hallway was vintage Wire. In fact, this entire fucking episode was. God it’s great to have Omar back in the fold, and we’re also wondering what’s in store with Slim Charles, a man without a country and no cause, hopefully he teams up with our favorite stick up artist.

-The serial killer thread really came together, and helped develop the Sun characters past their one-dimensional status as of now. For some reason, Templeton actually had us rooting for him at one point. If he got that job in DC, we wouldn’t have to see him anymore. McNulty and Lester are on the brink of insanity it seems.

-Loved the cold open, methinks Colochio is the most detestable character sans Marlo.

Were probably missing tons of detail but we’re in a hurry. RIP Joe, and probably Robert Chew’s acting career. We hope not, but were not optimistic, that was a fantastic five season performance.

Enjoy the episode tonight, it’s a fucking doozy.

A couple notes while channel surfing last night. We strolled through ABC during the big season premiere for Lost, and it appears they’ve somehow gotten guns on the island. This is good, there’s no way that show could survive without some random plot device. And guns are the best of all random plot devices. Honestly this show is the closest thing to a WWF match there is on scripted television. Its like a revolving door of unexpected characters walking into camera shots, then a tension filled score is queued up and everyone either rejoices or scorns. Someday, I’m sure I’ll understand the fascination, but it is currently beyond me.

You people must think I’m going through some sort of male menopause with how bitchy I’ve been this week. But I can assure you, my tone on this site only correlates with my disgruntled state in relation to the world of television. In most conversations I usually evoke a sunny disposition. Except for when I’m talking about television, then heads roll.

As you can imagine, we were not very big fans of this episode. We can’t figure out if this title is referring to one or several of its characters, or the writers inability to write a predominate amount of original, organic storylines, or the writers current standing in their labor strike. Either way, it didn’t resonate.

They rehashed about three different themes this episode that were significant in the first season. Namely, Tim being in love with Lyla (understandable, but redundant), Smash dealing with Texas racism (from a peer, rather than a coach) and Tyra taking a stab at athletics (volleyball instead of football). All of which, while executed with subtlety and nuance in the first season, are now heavy-handed and predictable.

The Tim-Lyla storyline ended somewhat early in the episode. He discovered last episode she is dating some good-intentioned choir boy, essentially his polar opposite, and demanded she attend his house where he prepared dinner then promptly apologized. In short, he vowed his love again, she for the umpteenth time rebuffed his advances and compensated by loaning him $3,000 she either stole from her dad or the church, so he could payback the meth-addict he ripped off.

And they can’t just report this clown to the cops because…

This devolved into a confrontation with said meth-addict and his unsavory looking cronies pulling a gun on Tim and Billy. It is well-acted and all, but how many people can be living outside the law on this show?

Also in legal trouble? Smash, who cold-cocked some sniveling kid for making an inappropriate remark about Sidney Poitier in Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner. Oh, I’m sorry, I mean about Smash dating his new beau, Noelle. For some reason this is a public concern, filled with press conferences, public apologies and accusations, some kid punched another kid in a movie theater over a girl, how is this “news”? Shit, I imagine something like this happens in Dillon at least three times a day. And did we ever see a single news report about the guy Landry and Tyra murdered? And yet we have local “press” tracking Smash down at an Applebee’s. Maybe Katims and them are trying to make a point about the misplaced priorities in the journalism industry, a la The Wire’s fifth season. Then again, maybe its just an oversight by the FNL team.

In good god we get he makeup of these characters news, Tyra is now playing volleyball at Tami’s request. And since there isn’t another capable adult woman in all of Dillon and FNL is pushing their luck just being on the air much less expanding their budget, Mrs. is also coaching the team. Anyhow, due to relationship struggles, Tyra takes her frustration out on the volleyball and leads the winless Dillon team to their first victory in eight efforts. This would be great if virtually the same thing didn’t happen last year in the powderpuff football game. Tyra was bitter towards Lyla for sleeping with Tim, and indicated as much with her tackle play in a flag game.

The episode wasn’t all bad (note: even when it’s bad I enjoy it), Street’s plight has been an great character arc since the pilot, and last Friday was no exception. Of course we would have loved to have seen him lash out at the Texas caricature of a woman who was sabotaging his work at the dealership. You have to love Buddy’s mentality. He does something borderline charitable by giving Street a job, but indeed benefits from it by manipulating customers by forcing the disabled local football hero’s sales pitch on them. Street has always been exceptional, in character and intelligence so he probably would excel at hawking cars regardless. But Buddy spontaneously offering him a job was really in character.

Seeing Landry move on from Tyra was entertaining and (finally) realistic. While there is no accounting for him and Tyra completely forgetting they conspired to murder someone, throwing Jean into the fray is a smart move, because it helps the characters and the audience move on as well. If they continued with Landry obsessing over Lyla, it’s a constant reminder that he murdered someone in her name. Additionally, we welcome the introduction of Jean, since we prefer her to Tyra anyways. Namely because she has a brain that operates outside of self-preservation. Honestly, has Tyra ever expressed interest in anything beyond her own concerns? I guess with her mom, but isn’t she immediately effected by her well-being? Whatever. Welcome to the cast Jean, we hope your residence lasts for at least the remainder of the season. Or at least the last two episodes NBC has ready to air before they go on an indeterminable hiatus.

We’re obviously not anywhere near bailing on the series, but if we missed an episode here or there, we wouldn’t be regretful about it. That, in and of itself, is a far cry from the brilliance of the first season.

Wire recap later today or Sunday.