Grid Effect

This is going to follow the same format as last year, regular updates and will probably stop at the end of the first round (four and a half hours is a long time to type about people talking). Also, since Blake Griffin is the surefire first overall pick, we might sit out the first few minutes. No guarantees. In case you’re wondering, we’re half-assed Cavs fans because we live in Ohio, and we root for the Thunder since everyone so adamantly resents Oklahoma City having a basketball team, so we’re particularly interested in what those two teams do. Other teams of interest, just from a strategical standpoint: Miami, Utah, Portland, New Orleans & Denver.

We’ll be back around 7:30 or so to kick this thing off.

7:40- And it’s now official, Blake Griffin is the first pick of the 2009 draft. I read this article from Simmons over the past two days at work, and my only advice to Griffin is to tread lightly. I’d call Simmons the minister of propaganda for the Clippers’ rival, but someone has to give a shit about you enough to have a rival.

7:42- Why does ESPN always let the most obnoxious personality do the play-by-play (so to speak) of these drafts? Stuart Scott for the NBA, Chris Berman for the NFL? They could at least trot out Gilbert Godfried so I could laugh every now and then.

7:43- Mark Jones wants to know how Blake Griffin feels about being drafted first overall. I guess no one asked him what it felt like a month ago.

7:44- I think I just figured out why I always thought Blake Griffin was native American.

7:47- For whatever reason Memphis is allowed to take five minutes more than the allotted time for the second pick. But with it they select Hasheem Thabeet, the much maligned stiff from UConn. That was kind of harsh, I actually wanted Oklahoma City to take Thabeet, as they desperately need a defensive presence down low and already have a lot of offensive firepower. He’s the right pick on the right team, but unfortunately For Hasheem, Memphis isn’t the right place for anyone.

7:50- I’m probably the only person this side of the Mississippi, or really the only person outside of Oklahoma, who gives a shit what the Thunder do, but I want to see them just overdraft Curry here. In a draft this thin (I actually think there is a lot of respectable talent throughout the first round), with the third overall pick you can’t worry about value and just take the guy you know can deliver. No one in this draft does anything better than Curry shoots, and having that range to spread the floor for Durant and Westbrook is more valuable than anything else available.

7:58- David Stern’s manages to uncrack his voice for the third pick, as he announces OK City is taking James Harden. I’m not going to lie, I didn’t watch much ASU basketball, but the one game I saw from him, I was fairly unimpressed. He’s improving my impression of him drastically by sporting that bowtie, though…God, these transitions are driving me nuts. They have the feel that they’re segueing to commercial and they end up taking us to some nonsensical interview with the most recently selected player.

8:00- Sacramento drafts Tyreke Evans in their ongoing efforts to court David Stern into letting them move to Vegas. In a related story, I’m willing to bet it was the Maloof brothers who put the hit out on Tim Donaghy.

8:02- Minnesota is next on the clock, and I have to imagine this is the least desire destination for prospective and current NBA players. Mike Miller and Randy Foye could be seen doing back flips after being traded for this pick (and some deadweight that Washington was dying to get rid of). I’m predicting Ricky Rubio and Stephen Curry are the two picks the T-Wolves take with 5 and 6.

8:04- 1 for 1. I’m sure the 18 year-old from Spain is going to love playing in Minnesota. Nice draft room for Minnesota, though I might just be saying that since Memphis’ was so shoddy. That thing looked like the autograph signing from The Wrestler.

8:07- I guess I should comment on the pick, and while I’m not a big fan on the potential of Rubio, but for how many first round picks they have (4), and for how dire the franchise is, I think you have to take the flash and the potential. Solid, value pick, which is hard to do with fifth overall this year.

8:08- Rubio referred to himself in the third person. Already. I’m going to go ahead and blame it on the language barrier.

8:10- Minnesota selects Johnny Flynn. Kind of an odd pick since they, you know, just drafted a point guard with the pick right before this one. I don’t understand this. At all. Heaven forbid Minnesota make two logical picks in the same draft. I’m looking forward to them drafting Len Bias with their third 1st round pick.

8:13- And it dawns on me: they’re going to trade Rubio. If not tonight, then some point before the season starts. It’s the only logic I decipher from this.

8:15- Minnesota just drafted two players in a row who refer to themselves in the third person and who coincidentally play the same position. That has to be a first.

8:16- Nice trade for Atlanta. I have to imagine Jamal Crawford can play on a winning team at some point in his career.

8:17- Golden State, the one team that doesn’t need Stephen Curry, drafts Stephen Curry. Much to the dismay of bizarrely entitled Knicks fans. I guess it would be futile to point out that they haven’t been in the playoffs in eight years or so.

8:21- Curry, who went to Davidson, couldn’t sound more articulate. Also hear he’s a decent bloke. My sister’s fiance coach’s tennis there, so it’s almost certainly true.

8:23- And now for the biggest over-reaction of the night, the Knicks are about to make their selection. And they will almost certainly be disappointed because it hasn’t dawned on them that there aren’t two Stephen Curry’s.

8:24- Jordan Hill, who some considered one of the more pro ready players in the draft, gets booed to the hilts in MSG. He seems to take it in good humor, and he should. This beats the snot out of Marco Gallianari. At least Hill will average more than five minutes a game. In fact I bet he’s starting halfway through the season.

8:25- I always want to hear one of these players say something insightful, and Hill was on the right track, but he didn’t say, “if you play well they support you, the fans just want to get there money’s worth”.

8:27- God I love Jeff Van Gundy’s analysis, he’s got a sizeable scrotum for such a little fella.

8:30- The Raptors, who I forgot were in the NBA this past season, draft DeMarcus Rozen after his freshman year at USC. I guess he felt Tim Floyd wasn’t getting him the money he deserved (rimshot). But seriously, fuck USC. Have fun shoveling your driveway with your snow shovel you paid 95% sales tax for.

8:33- The other forgotten about team in the NBA, the Milwaukee Bucks, take Brandon Jennings with the tenth overall pick. I can respect this as at least he might attract a few headlines, not to mention he has a fade and supposed lightening quick speed. This team has had so many high draft picks over the years, why aren’t they ever in contention? Oh, that’s right. Because they select people like Andrew Bogut first overall. I think I see a correlation between them and Toronto being so obscure, as Toronto took Andrea Bargnani first overall a  few years ago.

8:35- I really like the pick by the Bucks. In a weak draft in an awkward position, and you already have a surplus of utlity players, why not spring for the difference maker?

8:37- It just dawned on me that we’re only a third of the way done. What was my incentive to do this?

8:38- The Nets take Terrence Williams with the 11th overall pick. Opinions are all over the place with this guy, and to me he just seems like a generic wingman. That is, he puts together a nice highlight reel but if you watched any Cardinal basketball, you probably wouldn’t notice him. I’m skeptical but they need a replacement for Vince Carter.

8:41- Williams shows off the value of a Louisville education with his post-draft interview and calls out Jay Bilas for playing at Duke. That’s true, he did go to Duke. I have no rebuttal.

8:46- Charlotte is on the clock, and they draft Gerald Henderson because they know they’re not going to compete (though I have them making the playoffs in 2010), and just want to stockpile as many former in-state alums as possible (usually they’re from UNC, because UNC has been the only school to regularly produce pro prospects). They’re like my friend from Cincinnati who you can always count on to draft every Bengal three rounds too early in our fantasy football draft. Except the Bobcats are actually supposed to at least put on the facade of being a professional sports franchise.Whatever, they should just feel glad that the Bobcats opened up shop in Charlotte and not, say, Bismark, North Dakota.

8:49- Henderson can’t help but demonstrate his innate Duke-ness by being the first player to reference his golf game after being drafted.

8:50- The question is, who will have Tyler Hansbrough now? He’ll have to wait until the Bobcats next pick, if I had to guess.

8:51- Well, fuck you too, Indiana Pacers. A team already starting two white Americans just adds a milestone with a third in Hansbrough(assuming he starts, and he probably will). Huge oversight on my part.

8:54- Jeff Van Gundy seems to be the only person willing to address the eccentricites of the crowd, like chanting overrated for a player whose done nothing but take shit for being even considered a pro-prospect for the past year or so.

8:56- Phoenix amazingly doesn’t trade the pick away for cash, like they’ve done for the last four years (outside of the Lopez brother they drafted last season).

8:58- Another Cardinal is taken in Earl Clark to round out the lottery, and since he isn’t there, David Stern takes this as a good time introduce Brandon Jennings four picks after he’s drafted. Nice job, Phoenix. Way to generate publicity for Milwaukee, they don’t get it often enough.

9:03- The Pistons fancy themselves a little pacific northwest flavor and take Austin Daye out of Gonzaga. He has a badass name, but I’m not sure it fits with the NBA. It’s more of a baseball name. He probably needs to put on some weight if he wants to make the transition from three to four, but it’s the best you’re going to do at 15th overall (except maybe Jeff Teague).

9:05- Stuart Scott brilliantly mentions that Austin Day is one of four first round selections out of Gonzaga, but convenientally doesn’t mention that the last one was Adam Morrison. He did win a ring, I suppose. He gets credit for that. I’m pretty sure cheerleaders get a ring too, so he more than earned it.

9:08- Chicago, the team that has great backups starting at every position except point guard, takes someone from Wake Forest that isn’t Jeff Teague. This is like if the Clippers had drafted Taylor instead of Blake Griffin. Don’t they have enough over-sized big men who can’t score? Has an organization ever been so lucky to draft a player as Chicago was to land Derrick Rose after passing on Kobe Bryant and Kevin Garnett because they wouldn’t trade Luol Deng. This team just wants their fans to hate them.

9:11-Speaking of which, Steve Kerr is explaining his employer’s motivations, and in spite of not being able to say “we’re dumping as much money as possible”, he does a nice song and dance.

9:14- The Sixers take Jrue Holiday with the seventeenth overall. I don’t really know what to say about it other than I like the decision to go back to the retro logo.

9:18- Minnesota is next on the clock, and they opt to take another player under 6′2. I don’t give a shit what Jon Hollinger has to say, because they have something in the works.

9:21- See.

Sorry, had a phone call from someone I hadn’t talked to in awhile.

9:23- Atlanta takes Jeff Teague, a great value pick for a team that has over-drafted everyone on their team except Horford and Josh Smith.

9:26- Utah. who desperately needs a backup point guard and will need be in dire need of a perimeter scorer when Ronnie Brewer leaves, drafts a top 10 guy on the Grid Effect draft board. It’s a lot better than the Kosta Koufos pick last season.

9:31- The Hornets draft Darren Collison, the one Bruin to play on all three final four teams they’ve put together. That’s usually not a good sign, because it implies you weren’t good enough to leave early. Also, anytime he went head-to-head with an NBA prospect, he was eaten alive. I don’t have any examples because I’m a blogger, but trust me on this.

9:35- Portland and Dallas swap a shit ton of draft picks, with Dallas getting the better end of the deal by a long shot. Since when does Portland trade more for less? Either way, I can’t imagine there being any consequences from it, the highest pick in the trade is 22nd this season, and if you look at the history of 22nd overall picks, you’re not going to see a lot of glitz and glamour.

9:39- Looks like they had their eyes set on a one Victor Claver out of Spain. Must of had a hot lead from Rudy Fernandez.

9:43- Shaq comes on and is as amicable as can be, it’s unfortunate that I have to root for him now that he’s in Cleveland, because I’ve made a life of fandom rooting against him. Sigh.

9:45- Sacramento, in their neverending attempt to stick it to the Lakers, drafts the second Jew in Omar Cassipi from Israel. He’ll work out with them, probably make  a quick six figures before we forget about him and hear his name in the 2012 Olympics.

9:51- Dallas is on the clock, and they do what they were supposed to in drafting the defensively deficient BJ Mullens from my almamater, Ohio State University, a center that draws nothing but scorn from the city of Columbus. I don’t think there’s ever been a college athlete going pro that has left his school with the fan base wishing him ill-will, but much like his inability to start even though OSU didn’t have another player over 6′8, Mullens has pulled off the impossible.

9:53- OK City takes Rodrigue Beaubois out of France because…I don’t really have anything to say about him. Because he played in some fake pro league outside of Paris. Actually, I’m pretty sure they drafted him just so they could hear David Stern butcher his name.

9:55- Ooh, they didn’t get Thabeet, so now the Thunder are trading him to Dallas for Mullens. What is it with today and seven footers I don’t like going to teams I want to see win? If I wanted to see BJ Mullens play, I would have gone to more than the one OSU game I got free Huntington Club tickets for.

9:58- Only five more picks left in the first round, and outside of Taj Gibson, DeJuan Blair and DeJuan Summers, we can’t think of anyone with any real potential left on the board, so cutting it off after the first round is appropriate. Maybe Wayne Ellington and Danny Green, who both elected to come out early knowing they wouldn’t be taken until the late first or second round, so that kind of lowers my opinion.

10:00- Taj Gibson goes to Chicago out of USC, and this is our dark horse, despite our pre-set notions about everything USC. Is it just me, or is he considerably better than their first pick of…James Johnson, who if I mention him again I’m just going to call him not Jeff Teague.

10:03- It’s 10:03 and the Grizzlies will pay you to take their autograph.

10:06- The Grizz take a guy with a liver disease out of Missouri in DeMarre Carroll, it was the only guy on the Tigers that you could distinguish from his teammates in the tourney because of his hair. I actually like the pick, he has a real Rodney Turiaf quality to him, and I mean that as a compliment. You get a solid utility player this late in the NBA draft, you’re doing what you’re supposed to do.

10:09- These last three picks are grinding to a halt, and I don’t much give a shit which point guard Minnesota takes with their fourth pick this round, so whatever adrenaline I was operating on is gone. So please, Minnesota, and hurry the fuck up already.

10:12- Wayne Ellington goes to the T-Wolves. He’ll stand in the corner waiting to shoot set three’s opposite of Rashard McCants, another UNC alum. This team really needs Corey Brewer to come back healthy and meet his potential, like he was supposed too coming out of Florida and then they don’t really have any excuses in the 2010-2011 season.

10:15- The Lakers are on the clock and are selling it to the Knicks for a reported three million. Talk about a fleecing by LA, whose looking to resign Ariza and Odom, and wants the money to pay both of them.

10:16- The most ill-advised pick of all time, Darko Millicic is going to New York for Quentin Richardson, and it will have absolutely no effect on anything. Though I’m surprised D’Antonio was willing to part ways with one of his dependents.

10:17- The Lakers take Tony Douglas out of Florida State on behalf of the Knicks. Again, probably inconsequential, but FSU was actually competitive this year so it speaks highly of him.

10:20- Finally, Cleveland us on the clock and will probably take Dejuan Blair or DeJuan Summers. Every mock draft I saw said Summers, but I don’t think  anyone was expecting Blair to be on the board so we’ll see if they want another banger. Seems a bit redundant after the Shaq trade, but Danny Ferry hasn’t exactly been efficient over the years.

10:22- Christ this is taking an eternity.

10:23- To conclude the first round, the Cavs select Christian Eyenga out of the Congo. My only reference to that country is the adaptation of the ungodly stupid Michael Crichton novel, Congo, starring Ernie Hudson. Someone is saying he’s a stellar athlete, but he’s playing in a middle school gym so take that with a grain of salt. Reportedly he’s going to be “stashed away”, which is mob speak for either in “witness protection” or “buried in a desert”, it could really be either.

Alright, that was long and tedious, somehow it exceeded our NFL running diary, in which there were 10 minutes between each pick. we’re calling it a night and we’ll see you tomorrow afternoon at some point.