Grid Effect

A few more links to close out the day. We’re not trying to say that we are beholden to the concept, in fact more than anything else in the world we would like to distance ourselves from the posting format. But, even though we’re elated it’s 4th of July weekend, it doesn’t make us anymore creative. As Stringer Bell might say, same as it ever was.

You’re not going to believe this, but studies indicate that women comprise 85% of ABC’s online viewing audience. And here I was all this time, thinking the traditional alpha male fell in love with shows like October Road, Eli Stone & Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. The times they are a changin’, indeed.

Denis Leary, Elaine Benes & Marc Cuban will be three of many that donate their voices to this upcoming season of The Simpsons, increasing the popularity of the historic show’s irrelevance. Their was about a five year stretch wherein The Simpsons was the premiere comedy on television, but for the past eight years or so it has been dying the slowest death imaginable. Just imagine if Seinfeld was still making new episodes how tired they would seem, then multiply it by ten. That’s where we’re at with The Simpsons. God, this is just depressing, moving on.

Hey, you ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes of bizarre, repetitive though I’m sure technically sound episode of South Park? Well, wait no longer my belabored friend, the feature is now available on their website with the episode “Major Boobage“. We weren’t particularly fond of the episode, but its worth a look never the less.

Finally, there will be some reasonable conflict on Entourage. It appears the high life the four protagonists have been living for four seasons will be deflated a tad as they struggle to make a lavish living. Given, its not The Wire, we don’t have people struggling with heroin addiction or anything. But if the series is going to stay on the air, we appreciate the minor alteration.

If you haven’t seen any Mad Men episodes and yearn to potentially help boost their DVD revenue, you can watch the pilot episode online. We would highly recommend this, but without an outlet to watch the rest of the series, if you’re not into buying DVD’s there isn’t much point. If you need a superficial reason to watch, an entire episode could be Christina Hendricks washing her car and we’d be sufficiently entertained.

Speaking of which, its almost imperative to the future of AMC that you buy the DVD, since they dropped $25 million promoting the second season. “We’re treating this like a movie opening” says the marketing president for the network. And I could see the benefits of that, but do most movies spend $25 million in promotions?

And finally, fresh off his oddly miscast role as Abomination or whatever the guy’s name was in The Hulk, Tim Roth is heading to the small screen with the FOX pilot Lie To Me, in which he plays a “human lie detector”. Simply put, this will probably be melodramatic tripe. My question is, whose decision was it to cast the bellboy from Four Rooms as a martial arts expert in the military, because it was surreal.

That’s it until Monday, have a great fourth. We recommend celebrating your country’s independence by blowing up a small piece of it.

It appears we now have two classic television series’ with a good chance of being adapted for the big screen: Arrested Development & Friends. I use the word “classic” to describe both of these shows, so you know just how vague the term actually is. It could really mean anything! Huzzah!

Both should make some decent coin, as Friends has an overwhelmingly sycophantic, predictable audience that will laugh at anything, while Arrested Development carries a very vocal, very pretentious and often times very annoying but loyal fan base. Take me for example, I’m currently wearing a Bluth Frozen Banana t-shirt with a giant sprinting banana on the back. When I wear it in public, people think it’s some sort of allegiance to the gay community. Do I look at them with disdain and an air of superiority because of their blatant homophobia? No. I look at them with disdain and an air of superiority because they’re fucking morons for not watching a TV show I watch.

So yes, I will be there, opening night, scowling at all the patrons in line for the latest Adam Sandler or Julia Roberts vehicle that has an opening weekend concurrent with AD’s. Thing is, I think they only averaged about two million viewers an episode which would tally roughly $20 million box office. I’ve turned about ten people on to AD since its cancellation, if everyone of the two million strong did the same then that number should increase…But yeah, in actuality, they might need to release this in the early spring so it doesn’t get slaughtered.

If the Bluth family were real, this is how they would spend their days.

As for the Friends movie, I can’t even fathom the things I would do to not see this. Luckily this is a free society and to avoid seeing it I just avoid seeing it. But if someone were to put a gun to my head and gave me the ultimatum to either set an animal shelter on fire, see Friends or meet my maker…then I’m afraid some puppies would have to die.

It’s clear the only reason everyone in the cast is on board is in direct response to the cast’s limited post-Friends success. And that, in and of itself, is hardly a reason to shell out $10 for an adaptation of a pretty formulaic TV show that I hardly ever watched in the first place. The movie will probably be hesitantly accepted by its fans, like they know it’s bad but they don’t want to admit it. You ever hear a die hard Sex and The City fan reflect on the movie? And I don’t mean the fembot NYC drones that shape their lives around this show, I mean like real people? It always begins with, “It wasn’t like the TV show…” and then ends with, “…But yeah, yeah, it was fun”, like their conscious won’t allow them to out and out hate the movie. This is verbatim, how I imagine the reaction to the Friends movie being.

If you happen to dislike both of these shows, but are a fan of 24, Lost, Desperate Housewives, CSI or whatever the hell else ABC airs nowadays, then don’t worry, I have a hunch that your favorite characters will get their theatrical release soon enough.

The Office finale is tonight, rendering us speechless that we’ll actually spend a full hour tonight watching a comedy that we are looking forward too. I saw a preview on Leno last night with Rainn Wilson as the guest introducing it, and if that clip was an indication of how the episode will go, then we’re optimistic for the finale. One of the characters ends up leaving, and though who that is, is implicit in the episode title, we are not in the business of spoiling anyone before an episode has aired. But lets just say that he’s a writer, and I’m sure he will be intricately involved in this alleged spinoff, set to air in 2009.

In the meantime, here are some links. We really pity anyone who reads this site, there are probably about 1,236,632 other TV sites that have more committed approaches than we do at this one as they seem to watch more television. But let us sum that up in three words: fuck that shit. Encouraging people to watch Gossip Girl is something we can’t condone much less participate in.

Not that we expected anything from CBS to really set our world on fire or for them to Stand PAT in the fall, but what they’re offering seems exceptionally bad. For the three pilots they describe in the article: one’s a ripoff of Meet The Parents, one is a ripoff of Psyche and the other is a carbon copy of every relationship sitcom ever made. You know, if they are going to essentially steal from everyone else, you think they would be a little more relevant than a TV show no one watches on USA and a movie that’s over ten years old. Just sayin’.

For God knows what reason, Kelsey Grammar gives a shit about his now canceled FOX sitcom, Back To You. Considering the guy is set for life, has to be pushing sixty years old and the show was at best getting a marginal Nielsen and kind of lukewarm critically, you’d think he’d almost be in a hurry to get off the air with that so as not to tarnish his legacy. But no. He wants everyone to see what no one has seen, and the only reason no one has seen it is because everyone assumes it will be unpleasant. That’s conviction most people lack, which we admire; but it’s like continuing the bank robbery even after you’re surrounded by a SWAT team: it’s probably better to just cut your losses and accept the fact that you failed.

In a stunning development that is shocking the world, left-wing politicians are upset with a Hollywood project. Specifically, HBO’s new original movie Recount about the 2000 presidential election. Apparently it makes them look like complete and utter pussies (while most likely simultaneously making the right-wing look bat shit crazy, but they’re used to it), which democrats are probably tired of being labeled as. We haven’t seen the movie as it doesn’t air for another couple weeks, but our interest has peaked. And I promise both sides of the aisle that when I review it on here, I’ll be sure to point out how ridiculous both of you are.

Obviously, he’s a democrat.

Dana Delaney, whose been in such hits as The Right Temptation and Exit to Eden, will continue her role on Desperate Housewives into next season. This is despite her storyline ending this season, which means she’ll be narrating from beyond with a couple flashbacks here and there. See, if you combine all of the five minute stints we’ve watched of that show, it probably comes out to around an episode and a half of the series, and we already know what’s going to happen.

And finally, according to the San Fransisco Chronicle, it’s officially been proven that sitcoms literally rot your brain. Now, there is a lot of variances of sitcoms these days. If Arrested Development and South Park rot my brain, then let me say that 1) I don’t believe it for a minute and 2) Even if they did I wouldn’t give a shit. If you’re watching shit like Big Bang Theory or Rules of Engagement (or to disprove our bias, It’s Always Sunny), then sure, this study is irrefutable. But simply because it’s packaged as a half-hour comedy on television, doesn’t mean by default it turns you into some zombie shut-in. Sure, that is predominately the case, but there are exceptions.

Office recap tomorrow.

We’ll come out and say it right now. we’re not doing anything but watching basketball tonight. Not only do we have money on one of the games, and the other game involves the home-state team, we went to Cleveland on Saturday for game 3 of the Cavs-Pistons and walked around all day and night with a short-sleeve shirt on. It was probably fairly cold out when we left the game, I don’t know, I was too drunk to notice. But as a result my throat feels like the great wall of China is running through it right now. So, just expect more of the same tomorrow is all we’re saying.

I get the impression that all the news and press releases about the upcoming 90210 remake will turn out to be more entertaining than the show itself. The show was so over-the-top when it was on in the early 90’s, I’m not sure what else they can really accomplish in terms of outrageousness and still expect people to watch. Like I’ve said before, unless Michael caps someone in the knee with a shotgun for their family inheritance, our interest is non-existent.

The new cast of 90210, it looks about like one would expect.

Hi-yo! The Real World is making like the Nets and heading to Brooklyn. We’re not sure how people like the current cast will really fit in around our favorite NYC borough, but if they can supply the coke than I’m sure the twenty-something crowd will except them just fine.

I’m sorry, but we’ve often criticized Lost but always preambled that we can see the appeal. Well, if this actually happens, we take that all back, the show will be rendered appeal-less. If you are to lazy to click on the link like I would be, it’s an interview with “Popular Mechanics”, saying that the island everyone is allegedly lost on, is capable of time travel. We have no idea how close the series is to pulling this off, or if they’re just saying this for the benefit of “Popular Mechanics”, but essentially what it means is nothing is out of bounds for the show. They could learn to fly with palm tree leaves and it would seem feasible now. Christ all mighty. I’ve seen in commercials they all have guns now, can’t Daniels kill everyone on the island, regret it and then kill himself out of guilt in these final episodes?

Apparently I’m not the only one who was critical of last Thursday’s Office episode. This article claims it to be their worst effort in the four year run, and while we might not go that far, it is definitely closer to the bottom than the top of the list for us as well. It seems nit-picky, since the four preceding it were world-class, but it’s almost like they focused all their efforts on the finale and just used the penultimate episode to set it up.

It seems like I post a link to this after every Survivor season, but Sunday’s finale was the lowest rated finale for the series, breaking last season’s record low. Let’s put it this way, given how good this season was (even if it disappointed in the end), if it’s finale couldn’t beat out the finale from the dismally boring China season, then this is a trend we’re expecting to continue.

Finally, something of a high note, I guess, Mitchell Hurwitz has an animated series set to come out featuring the voices of Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Will we watch? Obviously. But Hurwitz’s grand return to television, we were expecting something a little more enticing than an animated series. Essentially we were hoping for Arrested Development, but maybe with a different setting. Though that might be one liberty too many for them to take, that show was fucking perfect.

Yawwwwn. That pretty much sums up my general malaise over doing this post and the outlook on the day ahead. In hindsight, since we have yet to do one for Monday, we should have done a nightly preview yesterday and one extended links post today, but what’s done is done. So let’s summarize the interesting facets of the TV industry from the past 24 hours.

You know, I like The Office as much as anyone, but NBC really might want to consider developing some new series’ with staying power if they ever want to climb out of the cellar in ratings, where they have perpetually been for the past six or seven years. Replacing adopted series that weren’t drawing any ratings with sitcom reruns is no way to go through life, Ben Silverman.

Tristan Wilds, better known as Michael Lee, and even more so as the new Omar Little, has been cast to play an adopted son on the new 90210. This is great news that someone in Hollywood has been paying attention to The Wire, and might lead to the series’ increased popularization and more options for its cast (sans commercials and bit parts on various network crime dramas) even after its series finale. But still, the only way we’re tuning into this is if we catch wind that Michael Lee sticks-up Lucille Bluth for her jewels or something, and he does it with a shotgun, and immediately goes into hiding only to reemerge for revenge after Lucille’s husband has his boyfriend tortured and murdered. Essentially, I’m only watching this show if it’s like the first three seasons of The Wire set in Beverly Hills.

I have some bad news for everyone who doesn’t read this blog: Men In Trees has been canceled. We never knew what it was, where it was set, who was in it or why it existed, but it exists no more. We’re sorry for your loss Men In Trees fans, we hope this message finds you well, and that one of the other thirty-something melodrama’s on ABC appeases you before its untimely canceling.

Seth MacFarlane is reportedly set to sign a $100 million, five year contract with 20th Century Fox for his show of randomly assembled jokes also known as Family Guy. He also co-created American Dad, which is a slight improvement. But Family Guy was a comedy gem before it was canceled in its first go-around with FOX, when they came back it was with an entirely different set of writers and the jokes felt uninspired, over-indulgent and borderline predictable to us. Whatever, get your money Mr. MacFarlane, maybe when he is sleeping on a bed of money he’ll be able to conjure up something original and not targeted at twelve year-olds.

The lone highlight of a once great cartoon.

After his recent ratings increase and rash of good publicity for his stint at the White House Correspondents dinner, European publications are now endorsing Craig Ferguson as Letterman’s successor. I suppose they aren’t familiar with his pleas to have Jon Stewart replace the lauded late night host, but now that Mr. Ferguson is a realistic option we suspect he is going to retract his selfless endorsement. Or rather just ignore it, because we are probably one of nineteen people who actually remember that happening. In other news, here is him cutting short an interview with Bill Maher.

Maureen Ryan from the Chicago Tribune makes the case that The Hills is the new Friends. Not necessarily in terms of theme or plot, but in their portrayal of twenty-somethings. The unearned luxury that accompanied NBC’s last ratings monster is the same thing that MTV”s “reality” series thrives off of. Needless to say, it’s escapism thinly-veiled as drama. We wholeheartedly agree with all of this, and while we still have yet to watch a millisecond of The Hills, we find it disturbing that we can name three female and one male “personalities” (what the fuck are we supposed to call these people?).

Finally, Martin Freeman, who played the original Jim Halpert on Ricky Gervais’ Office views his stint on the international hit as both “a blessing and a curse”. Essentially it’s the Seinfeld hex for Europe and he blames that on his inability to find any new work. Umm, if he’s looking for commercial or mainstream gigs, most of those are over here in the states. The lack of work available to him might have something more to do with him being British than any noteworthy roles he’s played. Still, it must be a pain in the ass to be type-casted after a series which only ran for sixteen episodes, resulting in limited financial gain but possibly negates any potential future jobs. The Seinfeld people all complain about it, and they all made over a million an episode for the last two seasons (44 episodes).

Something different tomorrow.

Welcome back from what was a glorious weekend of actively avoiding television. And you know, if there are people watching what TV offers over the weekends I really hope they enjoy it, but while what we generally see during the week is bad enough, the weekend offerings are a constant barrage of idiocy. It’s like going from the rubik’s cube to the ball in a cup. Or rather, something less complicated than a rubik’s cube and more bland than ball in a cup.

So we’re back to the same old after a week long attempt at originality. Here are some links to start the late morning right.

Here’s some obscure website’s take on the top fifty television series’ of all time. It looks like they list them one by one, meaning you have to link to forty-nine different pages from the one you open on so we’re probably never going to read it. But it does have Quantum Leap listed at #50, so it’s probably a worthwhile read, unless it ignores The Wire, then the people at this online publication are idiots.

Jon Stewart will be on location for the D & R NC’s, if you’re into that sort of thing. It could get fairly contentious at both of them, amongst the democrats themselves Jon could end up collateral damage, and while all republicans generally tend to concede that they like his humor, they probably all secretly hate his guts, and could become the target of their scorn. Either way, things could turn out bad for the quick-witted political voice.

Jessica Walter, also known as Lucille Bluth, has been cast for the Beverly Hills: 90210 remake. She’ll probably play the exact same character she played on Arrested Development but will do so dramatically instead of comically. Which is why we watch AD and not 90210, because that character should never be taken seriously.

Tailor made for the primetime soap.

Amy Ryan is set to join the cast of The Office (Note: Avoid clicking on this link if you wish to avoid any and all spoilers, even for comedies). Either she has an extraordinary agent, an eye for good acting projects or just an incredible amount of luck, because between this, The Wire, Capote Gone Baby Gone & Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead she hasn’t had a misstep in about ten years. And perusing her IMDB page, it looks like the connection here is co-starring in Dan in Real Life with Steve Carell. We had to see that to restore some order in the world, because generally an academy award nominated actress doesn’t “downgrade” to sitcom acting.

And finally, if you’re anything like me then you’ve always wondered what Wire characters would look like in Simpsons animation, but never had the talent, connections or resources to actually see it come to fruition. Well, wait no more, because this website has taken the time to bring these legendary characters to life with a Matt Groening likeness. It’s embarrassing how much I enjoyed this.

Something tomorrow.

Some links for the day. This might be a recurring theme this week with just about all decent television taking the week off so as not to interfere with the magnificent beast that is the NCAA tournament. And by “all decent television” I mean Survivor. South Park should still be on Wednesday.

Apparently there was a series called The Return of Jezebel James on FOX at some point, and apparently they have also canceled this series. That’s a shame, you know? It would have been great if it was on air long enough for me to actually know it existed. Given how television works nowadays, this was probably the next Mash or something because great shows seldom generate an audience anymore.

Jezebel James starred these two…I’m already a fan.

Ryan Seacrest wants to “rule television”, this is eerily similar to LeBron James’ aspirations to be a “”Global Icon”. Listen guys, you’re a TV host and a basketball player, there is only so much either of you can do from the line of work you have chosen. Disney rules television, Seacrest, alright? You’re just a fucking patsy. And LeBron? There are no more global icons, because everybody hates everyone else. Don’t make me go all Arthur Jensen on a fucking television blog.

Prison Break’s fourth season is ready to shoot. That is going to be a helluva payoff when they finally make their escape. Unless it’s like Life and the series is a collection of multiple failed attempts.

Christopher J. Clanton, better known as Savino to Wire fans, was stabbed coming out of a Baltimore night club. Here’s wishing him well in his recovery and acting career, which probably won’t take off anytime soon since the only outlet for black actors now that The Wire is off the air is McDonald’s commercials.

If you fancy yourself a fan of Daily Show alumnus’, here’s Colbert and Carell on The Dana Carvey Show.

And finally, you know what is a good barometer for fame and power in this country? When your dog dying makes the news. If you had a pet at some point during your tenure as a celebrity and it passed without making any headlines, then you should be officially barred from The Oscars.

Back with more of the same tomorrow, I imagine.

Not for nothing, but we were impressed with last night’s Survivor, even if it was one team completely destroying another (I was kind of hoping the favorites would lose as comeuppance for getting rid of Yau-Man prematurely, but that wasn’t the case). And the idol discovery was probably the best they’ve had since its inception, probably because it was done so effortlessly and secretively. Cirie should have known better considering all the traveling through water that the retrieval entailed. Considering how easy the clues were for seemingly everyone but Ami, the only real challenge here was the foot and aquatic travel, and no one is swimming from one island to the next quicker than Ozzy.

But anyhow, you may have noticed were not doing the Wire recap in our usually designated spot. This is mostly the result of us having watched episode 59 a couple times since, and hoping to avoid accidentally spoiling anyone without backtracking and watching episode 58 again so we know what not to include. And even though we could probably avoid this just by doing it from memory this fine Friday morning, we’re at work and don’t really have the time. So, as is our motto, here are some links:

It would seem that Charlie Sheen called Ryan Seacrest to assist in halting the production of his estranged ex-wife’s reality show. While I can understand Sheen not wanting to have his kids exploited in any way (though they clearly haven’t dodged that pickle), does Seacrest really have any pull? It would be like calling Bill Bellamy at MTV to prevent Daria from airing in the early 90’s. Oh, or remember The Maxx? Yeah, like everything it may be on youtube, but I’ve got that shit on VHS.

Probably the coolest cartoon of all time.

A bit of a Wire teaser for you, and absolutely do not watch this if for some reason you haven’t seen any of this season or episode 58: an interview with the child actors who play Bug and Kenard for some Baltimore radio show. They seem to be cast in their respective roles for a reason, as Bug has to be forced into talking while Kenard just does so without any suggestion. And my apologies for not knowing their actual names, but they’re peripheral characters and I’m not even sure if they’re in the opening credits.

An interview with Michael K. Williams, the above bold print applies to this link as well.

Oh, and just so no one’s upset when they flip to HBO on demand Sunday night at midnight and do not see the new Wire episode posted: it’s because it won’t be, at least not until after it airs on HBO. So if you’re like me you have two full weeks (or 13 days and 21 hours if you want to get technical about it) in between the penultimate episode and the ninety minute finale.

More evidence that despite my hatred for ABC, it’s the best run network of the four: they’re now offering on demand services. While this is a great service, I’m just not sure how many times over I can watch the same Dancing With The Stars episode. This does affect ratings though, look at The Wire as case in point. I doubt ABC will post episodes a week in advance, but if people feel like they can tune in at their convenience, fewer people are going to watch when Nielsen’s are being measured.

Speaking of the pay network, here is HBO’s intro from 1983. See I told you everything is on youtube. This thing is so fucking dated they do everything but have a narrator hype the age of colored television.

Registration is required for this article from the LA times, but it pleads the case for a total revamping of the Oscars. We don’t really understand this prevailing attitude. They had limited time to prepare because of the writer’s strike, the movies were mostly obscure indie-flicks that the overwhelming majority of the movie going public did not see, and they were four hours long. Can’t we just chalk it up to a disappointing year for the Oscars and move the fuck on? Do full articles from national publications about the shortcomings of an awards show really need to be penned? Well, yes, I have been watching this Wire season, why do you ask?

I love this article about the misguided attempt from HBO to post Wire episodes a week in advance on demand. We’ve mentioned consequences of this before and this article is nothing more than validation, because it does seem to lead to premature online leaks and contributes to probably thousands of loyal fans being unwillingly spoiled (either from said leaks or message boards). We try to keep it really discrete around here as we never watch online episodes, but are on the on demand schedule. There is only one episode left that no one but critics and show creators have seen, so it’s too little to do anything about it now, but hopefully with their next critically acclaimed series they’ll keep the interests of their fans in mind.

For girlfriends who would find it entertaining if their boyfriends killed themselves, here’s an article tossing around the idea of a hybrid Friends and Gilmore Girls movie. Sure it’s all fun and games now, but how do you think a Bratz movie gets made?

Speaking of suicide, which is always a cheerful topic, if this woman from Moment of Truth doesn’t leap off the Chrysler Building then she’s getting off easy. Cheat on your spouse? Yeah, whatever, obviously you’re not the first. Completely humiliate and berate him on national television about your infidelities, well, that’s an entirely new breed of satanic. I guess it’s appropriate that the question she lied on was, “Are you a good person?” Also, I’m completely OK with the FOX entertainment branch being burning to rubble.

And finally, SNL is preparing another Obama-Clinton sketch for this upcoming episode. While we watched last week and chuckled a couple times, it is really hard to watch the sketch comedy show trudge along knowing how great it was from 1991-1998 or so. The sketch that Senator Clinton awkwardly invoked in her debate on Tuesday didn’t really strike me as all that hilarious because it lacked any sort of nuance (like every SNL skit from the past six years), and seemed to actually believe that Clinton’s recent primary woes have been the sole result of media bias.
Obviously the media likes him over her, it’s undeniable, but she has a solid amount of journalist advocates and the lambasting she’s received (if you can even call it that) is nothing compared to what they’ll do to McCain. Somehow we doubt the vitriol from Clinton supporters will be as venomous.

Anyhow, before we get too far off track, look for the Wire recap later this weekend.

Welcome to what I can recall as the coldest day of the year in my fair city. You know how in some places, snow is actually accompanied with a degree of festivity? Like Chicago? Or Denver? Yeah, well, Columbus isn’t like that. All the snow and frigidly cold weather does is keep car thief’s and campus hooligans indoors, but the rest of the city is exponentially more miserable than they were when we had clear streets. So, if we’re a bit more petulant today than usual, please take it with a grain of salt. Thanks.

With the weather being how it is, we stayed in last night and caught the last twenty minutes of our fallen Grid Effect regular, Nip Tuck. It appears the series has now delved into incest. And not “haha, George Michael wants to sleep with Maebe” incest. But rather Matt is sleeping with Christian’s long lost daughter, and though they first did it unknowingly (and Christian doesn’t seem wise to the fact this girl is supposedly his daughter), even with the knowledge that they’re related, they fully intend to do it again. It’s good to see the producers aren’t desperate or anything.

We thought this was novel and will be unintentionally hysterical: MTV is going to hold a Real World awards show. We didn’t read the article because it sounds so ridiculous, but we imagine awards will be donned out for, among other categories: “Sluttiest”, “Craziest”, “Most Volatile”, “Most Docile”, “Most times drunkenly collapsing in public”, “Most Camera Time”, “Most club appearances post-Real World stint” and “Most children out of wedlock”.
We wonder if they’ll actually be able to pull most of the old timers away from whatever it is they’re doing right now. I mean, they couldn’t even get Dominic and Aaron from season two for a reunion leading into the fourth (maybe fifth) season…This is leading into the 20th. Good lord, even Television Without Pity quit recapping their episodes about two years ago. But that’s what MTV likes about them high school girls, they get older while the girls stay the same age.

We’d venture to guess that the entire Vegas cast finds time to reunite. Again.

Denise Richards pitch for a reality series has officially been greenlit by who else? E!. If not E! then obviously VH1. This raises an interesting question though: Who do you consider to be the more vile human being, Mike Vick or Denise Richards? The former brutally tortured and murdered canines for his own sick amusement. The latter throws her preschool aged kids on national television to upstart her pathetic, middling, acting career. Hmmm, it’s probably still Vick (After all, Richards isn’t murdering her children, just subjecting them to a lifetime of ridicule and therapy), but we’ll be damned if it’s not only by a nose. We said it once and we’ll say it again, you have to be really fucked in the head to make Charlie Sheen look like the good guy in a custody battle.

We’ll send you people out on a high-note: a sort of “behind the scenes” look into the Colbert and Stewart-O’Brien mock feud. We haven’t gotten a chance to watch it with volume, but it looks damn funny. Were sure their was plenty of European ethnic and height jokes, but ever since The Office went into hiatus we can’t think of anything funnier we’ve seen on television (unless you include the dark humor on The Wire). Personally, we prefer what Colbert did in wake of the strike by just interviewing more people (virtually one interview for all three of his acts) since he excels at improvisation, whereas Stewart just seemed to increase his commercial length.

Anyhow, enjoy. We’ll be back tomorrow with a Survivor recap.

Just a few links to continue this dreary two week stint (and counting) on this website. The only television we watched last night was Daily Show and Colbert Report, both of which furthered the ongoing feud between the comedy central hosts and the future tonight show host. We have to say, in lieu of the writers, continuing this running gag is probably the best alternative for both parties. All three personalities were featured on both variety shows, look for Colbert and Stewart to pop up on Conan’s show some time in the near future (They may have already gone on last night, we didn’t bother to find out though).

Here’s something with Jeff Probst walking through the new tribal council for the upcoming Survivor season. We didn’t watch it, because any type of Survivor hype strikes us as unsettling, unnecessary and flat out corny, in fact its probably the sole reason we didn’t bother to watch the series for its first eight or nine seasons. Essentially, we’re just posting this as an excuse to remind you that there is a new season starting Thursday, and it can only improve from last season.

Here’s an incredibly misinformed article from The Guardian relating celebrity to American politics. Clearly, and we don’t know how else to say this: this cat has obviously never been to a red state. Anyhow, relative to the article, if we’re picking our nation’s leaders based on their caliber of celebrity endorser, Obama (Clooney and Larry David) beats Clinton (Ted Danson and Barbara Streisand) in a fucking landslide.

Jason Bateman confirms Jeffrey Tambor’s confirmation of his previous declarations. Also, he adds what we already did about the decision lying solely on Mitchell Hurwitz’s shoulders. Jesus, you know, its not like the majority of the cast is struggling post AD. Cera has been in two featured films that have grossed tons of money and critical acclaim, Bateman is regularly in films with large releases, Portia De Rossi is trudging along on Nip Tuck, David Cross and Will Arnett are perennially in pedestrian comedies. All this success and they still want to reunite, that in and of itself is surprising and almost unprecedented.

The one-time president of the Bluth Company.

It’s looking grim for the future of Friday Night Lights. Not exactly news, but when the president of entertainment admits as much, then there is virtually no reason to be hopeful. Naturally, this announcement comes in the aftermath of what is unequivocally their best episode of the season. Whatever, I’m sure they can fill their time slot with yet another hour of Deal or No Deal.

Speaking of our favorite melodrama, here’s an article with writers from The Office, Mindy Kaling (Kelly) and Ryan Koh, writing the synopsis for the final episodes of the current FNL season and the climactic (also comedic) scene of the finale. There are four other features similar to this in the article, with television writers taking over for series’ completely different from their natural skill set, though this is the only one involving two series’ we watch.

Oh, and in case you were really anticipating the end of the writers strike, just settle down. Because even if it ended to day, we’d still have a month long hiatus before a new episode aired. Oh, and the WGA would also like to remind you that a deal has yet to be reached. So yeah, don’t look to drop your new healthy and productive lifestyle just yet.

A couple highly rated programs are on tap tonight, so we figured it convenient to preview this evenings network lineups. We didn’t watch any television beyond the OSU-PSU basketball game and rewatch the new Wire episode, so we are left with little material. Anyhow, though we aren’t exactly fans of anything airing, there is a variety of options to choose from so why not do an overview?

NBC

8pm: Deal or No Deal
Our feelings about this show have been made quite clear. But this week, we hear if you pick out a suitcase containing $100,000 or more, Howie Mandel douses you in that head slicker he liberally shines his dome with. Of course, that could always just be Mandel perspiration, in which case we wouldn’t wish that on anybody. See, if they actually did the former we might watch, but the show probably has to be moved to Nickelodeon for anyone to be doused with anything.

9-11pm: Law and Order
Two different episodes, probably a remarkably similar premise. We imagine a coed turns up dead and the main suspect is the boyfriend. In fact, they know it’s the boyfriend. Why? Because she was such an incorrigible bitch when they were dating (in TV Land, this qualifies as motive). But we are all stunned when it turns out to be her landlord or something. Who tearfully (yet comically) confesses while testifying that he didn’t mean to kill her…just scare her because she lead him on and he offered her a discounted rent as a result. This is surely how these episodes will go.

For those who don’t know, when Richard Belzer isn’t disparaging conservative politicians on Real Time, he plays a homicide detective on NBC.

ABC

8pm: Wife Swap
Oh My God! Two families with different lifestyles and different approaches to domestic duties switch matriarchs, and combative hilarity ensues, culminating with one of the husbands crying and one of the children cursing their TV mom.

9-11pm: Lost
Two hour season premiere, bitches. Gonna go home, get my beer on, get my Lost on. Actually, our enthusiasm is a farce, we can’t stand this show. Apparently they’re going to run notes across the screen telling you facts about each of the characters, which is about the laziest narrative structure imaginable. What good are these facts if they never materialize on screen? It could just be footnotes from past seasons for new viewers they’re anticipating (due to the writer’s strike), but either way it strikes us as tacky. Oh, and ABC is referring to this as an “enhanced version”. Meaning, if you were lucky ABC would always put into text what they can’t fit into plot.

FOX

8pm: American Idol
If you want to see a middle-aged British man cut seventeen year-olds down to size because they are unfit to compete on an elaborate talent show, no one does it better than American Idol. Its genius is its simplicity. Tonight they’re in Miami, so he’s bound to put some impoverished immigrants in their place to the amusement of the masses.

9pm: Moment of Truth
Unlike its lead-in, at least the people get paid for the national exploitation. Of course, after the divorce and other inevitable legal issues, that take-home prize will probably be swallowed up by lawyers. Still, the chance for a pay day is there.

CBS

8pm: The New Adventures of Old Christine
The show that supposedly broke the Seinfeld curse that nobody watches. If Julia Louis-Dreyfus hadn’t gotten an Emmy for her role on this after it was already canceled a couple years ago, this show would have been long forgotten. Instead, Elaine gets a bullshit Emmy on name recognition and it continues to haunt the airwaves for two more years. Anyways, there are two episodes on tonight.

9pm: Criminal Minds
If these shows even remotely resembled the country we lived in, one would assume that the U.S. had a Gaza Strip level of violence and you are lucky if you make it to work alive. Tonight’s episode details the investigation of home invasion murders, which will probably be treated like another day at the office. Christ, even The Wire treats a home invasion murder as something out of the ordinary, and it is set in fucking Baltimore.

10pm: CSI: NY
“Mac and the team find human blood on the crown of the Statue of Liberty, leading them on a race against time to save a famous musician from death at the hands of a vigilante.”

This is the episode description on CBS’ website. It sounds more like Treasure Hunters than a cop procedural. Of course, nothing about any CSI has ever resembled a realistic crime investigation.

Enjoy your bevy of options. While we’re not going to watch any of this, at least there is a wide variety of material, even if it’s all easily dismissed.

Just a few odds and ends to kick off the day here. The world of television is currently seeing the bottom fall out from under it in terms of quality (we don’t give a shit about Nielsen’s or quantity). Sure, we watched The Wire last night, and just like every Wire episode, it left us wanting more. Nip Tuck is officially off the schedule after Christian fucked an AIDS ridden girl off a balcony and she plummeted to her death, so that is no longer an option. Other than that…Well, HBO debuted a new series, which we chose to avoid.

For those who don’t know it is called In Treatment, and the basic premise is they make it as close to actual therapy without the viewer spilling any of his or her own guts. It’s a half hour long and airs Monday through Friday, taking place solely in the shrinks office. The therapist, played by Gabriel Byrne, treats the same patient once a week on the same day before visiting his own therapist to end the week. It’s an interesting approach, as therapy has become a popular TV tool ever since The Sopranos debuted. But with no back story, no frame of reference outside of the office, we’re not entirely sure what the drawing point is.

Television is ultimately about entertainment, and while it can be gritty, insightful, nuanced and metaphorical, there also has to be some enjoyable motive that keeps me watching or even convince me to watch in the first place. Random characters being portrayed on screen that I know nothing about sitting in a shrinks office does not qualify as such. Now, this series has gotten especially mixed reviews. Some like it, while others don’t. But while we can see the originality embedded in this series, were going to have to take a pass. If it had received universal praise, we would have sat down and at least taken in the first half hour (and we still might, should we be so restless). But with so many reviewers saying they were bored senseless combined with the unappealing premise, we opted to stay away.

This seems like yet another indicator to how far HBO has fallen. We’re not sure if Chris Albrecht is responsible for this or not, but the last few original programming efforts have been so futile, that it’s a wonder they didn’t hold a ceremony to officially hand the crown over to Showtime (who in their current success, isn’t anywhere as good as HBO in their heyday) with his departure.

Anyhow, what’s past is prologue, we’re sure to see HBO reclaim the throne eventually, they invest too much money in it to keep coming up empty. We will say that we are immensely looking forward to this John Adams miniseries with Paul Giamatti. Coincidentally, this miniseries is essentially as long as any series of television Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant have produced. How patriotic. On this side of the pond we buy in bulk, baby!

Now this is something that draws our attention.

Switching gears, CBS has extended Survivor too a 17th and 18th season. It seems like CBS keeps adding seasons on to a series that no one is all that interested in seeing canceled, which is fine but the announcement like it’s something unexpected is getting tiresome, since they add new seasons every four-six months. Why don’t they just come out and say that despite not pulling the same audience it did in its inaugural season, it still draws a loyal 15 million viewers every week, is still easy to cross promote with morning shows, and with the right cast can be as suspenseful and entertaining as anything else on network television; thus they’re keeping it around indefinitely?

And yes, they have a new season starting in the next week or so, and we will be recapping it in spite of that horrible, 15th season.

And we also kept forgetting to mention, that there is a new series on Starz that we caught the pilot a few weeks ago entitled Hollywood Residential. It’s improvisational and takes place on the set of a home improvement-esque series. We have only seen about twenty minutes of the first episode (we no longer have Starz) but it showed promise, the cast seemed to have an instant repore and invoked some great situational humor. If you’re a fan of Curb and wish to give it a try, the first episode has been posted online.

That’s it for today, probably a “what’s on tonight!” post or more links tomorrow.

Another slow TV weekend. In terms of scripted series, the most riveting TV I saw was a Sopranos trailer. And that actually came immediately before an HBO special, wher Jerry Seinfeld was presented with the first annual Comedian Award. Normally I would never watch something like this, but since it was on HBO and I had been playing football all day, my energy was at a cautionary low and couldn’t afford to do much else.

This wasn’t a typical award presentation, nor was it what I initially believed it would be: a roast; HBO had Robert Klein (older generation), Chris Rock (younger generation) and Gary Shandling (Seinfeld’s peer) join Seinfeld on stage with moderator Anderson Cooper (what?) to talk shop for about forty minutes before some figurehead at HBO did the actual presenting of this manufactured Comedian Award (Ironically enough, Seinfeld had laid into the cluelessness of hollywood executives only twenty minutes beforehand).

At first I was surprised all three of the guests agreed to participate in this. Honestly, why would the three of them want to come on national television and figuratively tickle Seinfelds balls for an hour? But stand-up comedians are the probably the closest knit fraternity in show business. There seems to be a profound sense of respect and admiration these four had for each other. And I am sure the nature of their profession is directly related to whatever bond they may have formed over the years, as it unique to almost any other profession, entertainment industry or otherwise.

And, as one would expect, anytime you can get multiple comedians in a televised conversation/interview, it is always worth watching. Ricky Gervais interviewed Larry David for his show in London and it was probably the funniest thing I have seen all year (Note: this interview is on Youtube and is divided into five parts, the links for the other four are in the right hand column). Professional comedians have a certain ebb and flow when they get together that is astonishing to witness, their minds are somewhat twisted so rarely can they see eye-to-eye with an entertainment journalist or someone of that nature and the interview is always comprised of nervous, non-responsive laughter by the interviewer.

But anyhow, the event turned out to be a successful telecast. All four comedians had their moments (with Gary Shandling probably having more than his fair share) and Cooper did a decent job conducting the interview. I personally have never been the biggest fan of Seinfeld’s stand up routine. But Seinfeld? That’s an entirely different story. His and Larry David’s series has been just as influential for sitcoms as The Sopranos has been for dramatic series’.

The only problem being, instead of inspiring innovative comedy, Seinfeld has precipitated several desperate replications, looking to capitalize on the same premise with slight modifications. Where as The Sopranos, as discussed before on this sight, has resulted in something of a small screen revolution, wherein networks are more susceptible to taking risks with creative storytelling and introspective character development as opposed to the hodge podge slew of criminal investigation shows we are accustom too (I’m looking at you, CBS).

Maybe last nights special will invoke some young, thoughtful writer/producer to piece together a series that doesn’t revolve around thirty something’s hanging out and making insipid conversation about their jobs/boyfriends and/or girlfriends. But let’s just say I am not holding my breath. If nothing else, last night made me nostalgic for a day when the number one sitcom on television was not Two and A Half Men, and a series like Arrested Development wasn’t taken off the air in its prime.

I’m sorry, you will have to forgive the generic tagline, but after watching two hours of any FOX sitcom nowadays, commonality is simply unavoidable. I have been late to posting about The Winner, normally I wouldn’t give two shits about a series like this and would simply ignore its very existence, but it gets acknowlegement from Grid Effect, if for no other reason than Daily Show alum Rob Corddry stars as Glen Abbott, a 32 year-old still living at home with his parents.

This show is basically a standard sitcom with an abnormal premise. Corddry’s Abbott narrates from the future in which he eventually became “the richest man in all of Buffalo”. It is set in 1994, mainly for the ill-conceived pre-set notions we may have had about various public figures (such as “Bill Clinton seems like a strong family man” and “Bill Cosby is a great public speaker”) and for OJ jokes (whom Glen’s dad vehemently defends, with the series set in Buffalo and OJ having spent his entire career with the Bills, it makes sense).

His life takes a turn for the better when his childhood crush, Alison, moves in next door and is now a divorced doctor with a 13 year-old son, Josh, that Glen immediately befriends. They are both socially inept, mild hypochondriac’s and wildy nervous and insecure around women. Again, like any other sitcom with the exception that revolves around a middle schooler and his best friend in his early thirties.

By the end of the pilot, Josh is fully aware that Glen pines for his mother and is mostly indifferent about it. Actually, he is encouraging about the prospect of Glen potentially being his stepfather. And essentially, that is the entire series, Glen and Josh trying to improve their social standing in order too appeal more to women.

The series has its highs and lows, a few good punch lines but mostly tired and rehashed ones. Also the notion that a gorgeous thirty-two year old doctor is going to let someone that looks like Corddry hang around her house and bond with her adolescent son is somewhat far-fetched (male-female relationships generally always are on sitcoms, so no surprise there) and never explained.

The only notable acting comes from Corddry, who plays his role charming and innocently enough that it avoids being misconstrued as creepy or even pedarist. This wasn’t terribly unexpected, as Corddry has had good turns on Arrested Development and Curb Your Enthusiasm (in the latter he coincidentally played a convicted sex offender). Every other adult actor on this is too peripheral to even warrant commenting on. Child acting in comedy series’ isn’t really subject to criticism.

The most intolerable aspect about this show? The overbearing laugh track. Maybe its because I haven’t regularly watched a sitcom with a laugh track since Seinfeld went off the air, but it didn’t add to the show, if anything it detracted. It seemed like nothing more than a que for viewers to use so to know when to laugh, but even then we would be submerged in uproarious laughter when it seemed like nothing more than a simple exchange. Bizarre.

This series does not have much staying power, and clearly FOX doesn’t believe so either. They have rushed out four episodes on two Sundays, hoping to draw in that Simpsons, Family Guy crowd. However, even after this is cancelled, I do believe Cordrry will get another network series (if he stays in television), hopefully he will have more creative control than he does with The Winner.

My apologies for a second consecutive late post. This one relates more to my boss being in Vegas so I showed up to work an hour late as a result, rather than a post Superbowl hangover. In my lethargic stupor last night, I actually managed to watch Rules of Engagement, a new CBS sitcom that I learned about while watching the game on Sunday (It appears the network self-promotion still works on me).

The premise of the show is there is one worn down, semi bitter, middle-aged couple, who befriends a young, optimistic recently engaged couple that have a still single friend with no intentions of tying the knot. So yeah, it’s pretty much like every other couples oriented sitcom. The older couple of Jeff and Audrey (played by Patrick Warburton and Megyn Price) essentially hold nothing but contempt for each other as they offer advice to their nubile counterparts. Jeff never portrays a positive image of marriage to Adam (Oliver Hudson), and the concept, much like all of these shows, is the marriage is drains the life out of the husband and the wife is a preening harpy with little regard for how miserable she is making his life, mainly because she thinks he’s an idiot.

Needless to say, it’s a tired concept and offers up little in creativity, but Warburton gives a stellar performance playing Jeff. Most will remember him as Putty from Seinfeld as the king of the deadpan. He is almost as strong in this series, but unfortunately his performance isn’t enough to save it, it’s too redundant and I do not see much changing in ways of content. Despite Jeff’s obvious dismissive tone, Adam is constantly probing him with hopeful questions when clearly Jeff is never going to reply with anything encouraging. The entire dynamic is Hudson setting up Warburton for jokes, its like a poor mans Abbot And Costello.

The women on the show (particularly Audrey) counters her husbands protests or disobedience with threats of withholding sex or emasculating jabs about his manhood. Again: nothing new. Her protege, Jennifer, played by Bianca Kajlich delivers little else. She does pull off one decent line when at an art gallery with every main cast member, her husband sidles her while she is looking at a painting, he offers up some pretentious explanation about the deeper meaning of the painting she has been observing, and she replies, “I think a monkey got into the paint”. Why do I remember this one line so vividly? Because it was the only delivery that made me even grin from either female lead.

Which brings us to Russell, played by the David “I am in this for a paycheck” Spade. Russell is supposde to be the wild card in this show, he is what separates Rules of Engagement from being a carbon copy of Til Death on FOX. The leave little to the imagination of Russell’s attitude in the pilot. It opens with him berating Adam for getting engaged. And ends with him lying in bed with a dingy waitress (who moved from New York to Ohio to be an actress) that he met at the art gallery while on a date with Jennifer’s friend. While the waitress rambles incoherently post-coitus, David looks at the business card the blind date gave him and has a contemplating look in his eye, until the waitress arrives back in bed from getting a glass of water and they agree to one more round of sex.

I am not sure how much longer this series will be on the air, but they either need to put some heightners in Spades shoes or rethink the female casting decisions. He had face time with four different women last night (Jennifer, Audrey, the waitress and the date) and was eye to mouth with all of them. Jennifer and Audrey do not matter as there is no romantic overtones between him and the two, but is it feasible all these women are approving of him as a sexual partner if they could post him up in basketball? It’s nitpicking, but it was so noticeable I feel like it warrants mentioning.

All in all, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Which admittedly, isn’t saying much; but between Warburton’s delivery, and Spade always has decent potential (despite his diminutive stature) I would classify Rules as an above average sitcom. Does that mean I will continue to watch it? Of course not. But there is a certain type of American who enjoys this brand of television, for better or worse, I am not that type. So if the humorous studies of the disparities between men and women is your thing, I would recommend it. If you regularly read this website, I wouldn’t go within a mile of CBS on Monday night, because odds are the only time you tune into CBS are for Survivor (new season begins on Thursday) and/or sports.

More on Sunday night’s Extras later today.