Grid Effect

My apologies for not posting yesterday, but I woke up feeling like I got my ass kicked in a bar last night while shit-faced. My back was preventing me from walking, my head from thinking and my stomach from eating; long story short, it was a tremendously long day for getting out of bed at 1PM. I guess it makes sense given that we referred to a new links post on Tuesday as “long overdue“, given that we were too incapacitated to actually post them yesterday morning. I feel like Walter White minus the cancer and double life, which is to say flat out miserable.

If you weren’t angry enough at the world for already being a smoldering ball of chemicals on a fast track to hell, then I have some bad news for your insufferable perky optimism: Lauren Conrad’s bullshit “novel” could end up being optioned for a film. Which struck me as strange because isn’t her book based on her life, which has already been made into a TV show? Christ, I hope I never have any daughters if this is the consumerism that drives the demographic.

In attractive woman that I still respect news, Gabrielle Union has joined the cast of the upcoming NBC series FlashForward. She’ll play a lawyer with a romantic interest on a show that turns two words into one…On second thought I take back my initial assessment, but she’s still insanely beautiful so it doesn’t really matter.

Here’s a concise synopsis of the AMC party that supposedly took place after they premiered the first episode of Mad Men’s third season. I have to tell you, if I was to attend any circle-jerk Hollywood event it would probably be this one. From what it sounds like everyone is rather amiable and these are without a doubt the two best projects in television or film. Yes, film industry, you’ve officially been surpassed by television in regards to inspiring, original content.

This seems like a good time for me to do my weekly pimping of Breaking Bad, and point you in the direction of the mini-episodes they put out in after their strike shortened first season and before the kick in the balls second. For the most part they’re pretty mundane and aren’t necessarily representative of the greatness of the series, but the mini-episode entitled, “The Break In”, is a real knee-slapper and is emblematic of the dark humor displayed on the series.

Here’s some snippets of the Joan Rivers Roast set to premiere August 9th on Comedy Central (where else has a roast aired in the past 10 years?). I always tune into these for Greg Giraldo, because his career is so ridiculously overlooked that you can always bank on him to be at these things, and he always kills. As does most everyone else given the chance at the podium. And while I don’t tend to like Joan Rivers (entirely too superficial work detail for me to take seriously, I also resent anyone being a harbinger of fashion), she can give as good as she gets.

Speaking of Joan Rivers, she, much like about, say, 50% of the country, takes the legitimacy of Jay Leno’s career quite personally. I don’t understand why this guy is so hard for everyone who hates him to ignore, but it is proving quite daunting. And the fact that Conan is now losing to Letterman on a regular basis seems to only fuel the flames of resentment. We never enjoyed Leno’s comedy either, but it certainly isn’t keeping us up at night.

ESPN’s upcoming documentary series, 30 for 30, has added more directors to its arsenal. I can’t emphasize enough how much I’m looking forward to this. For the uninitiated, under the suggestion from Bill Simmons, ESPN grabbed (or is currently grabbing) 30 filmmakers to put together a small documentary about a pivotal (sometimes obscure, sometimes not) sporting event since their inception in 1979 (that’d be thirty years). You can see the full list of what they have completed so far, personally we’re looking forward to “The Trial of Allen Iverson”, if for no other reason that it feels like we might get a Zapruder-like film out of it.

In its ongoing quest to make mincemeat out of supposed “new king of pay cable ever since Sopranos went off the air” Showtime, Diane Keaton has signed onto her own HBO comedy about a feminist icon. Because we all know how humorous feminists tend to be. I kid, of course, because while this probably isn’t something I’ll watch more than once (I even watched the first three episodes of Carinvale, so I’m probably too easy when it comes to HBO), there is definitely an untapped market for it. And in all likelihood HBO will be true to form, and knock this out of the fucking park.

As you probably heard, Ben Silverman has finally been ousted as NBC’s Entertainment President. This was probably long overdue. Even though I personally watch(ed) more on NBC than any other network for the past five years and counting, the ratings are in the tank, they have way too many series’ open to horrendous reviews and even worse Nielsen’s, not to mention all the desperate attempts at remakes. Sorry, man, but The Office, 30 Rock and FNL will only carry an entire broadcast network so far.

And finally, below is the trailer for the upcoming season of Dexter. We’ve made our feelings quite clear about this show, and the trailer contains much of what we find redundant about it, but I’ll be damned if this series isn’t tailer-made to produce an anticipatory montage, which is probably why they were able to get over three minutes out of it. Most TV spots run roughly under a minute, but most series’ aren’t about a charming sociopath who brutally disembowels and murders other serial killers, because that’s just how he was raised.

Back tomorrow with more links, I imagine.

Just a few quick links to close out the short week at Grid Effect. It’s not like it really matters, we never post anything interesting here half the time anyways. Also, since this is a links post let me get this started in the introductory paragraph: Breaking Bad’s second season is available on Amazon online, I highly recommend it after you watch the first season. It may seem like I’m talking abou this series too often these days, but it’s really just making up for lost time. I don’t think there’s anything you can watch on television that’s more worthy of your time than these DVD’s. Unless you take pleasure in watching So You Think You Can Dance, in which case I can’t help you.

Onto the links…

Lie To Me, which is amazingly still on the air, nabbed Erika Christensen for their…next…season? I don’t care enough to read but that has to be the gist of it. Anyhow, if you don’t know who Erika Christensen is it’s probably because you follow current film and television, and she hasn’t been in anything since the blockbuster Swimfan, which took the world  by storm with its acerbic wit and originality…I’m just kidding, it’s a steaming pile of cliched horseshit that shouldn’t have ever been made in the first place. But she did give a promising turn in Traffic, but that was seven or eight years ago. And now she’s in Lie To Me. I think everything’s gone according to plan.

Brooke Burns has landed a role on the apparently vaunted yet detestable and discouraging Melrose Place, because CUPWNB or whatever the network is going by these days is the epitome of class, and Brooke Burns reflects that reputation. She the star of such shows as North Shore and the host of Dog Eat Dog, I think we can all agree she’s earned this. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to know that this woman will probably make more money in the next calendar year than I will in the next twenty. Really brightens my day. Also landing a role on CW’s remake of a former hit television show? Kelly Carlson. Here she is below doing some of her finer work on Nip Tuck.

I don’t know how many of you watched The Daily Show, and more specifically how many of you watched it on Monday night, but Jon Stewart’s interview with Brian Williams was about the funniest thing I’ve seen on television since The Office went off the air (sorry Weeds, Entourage and every other “dramedy” we may have mentioned along the way). The writer seems to think the conversation was part of some ongoing, unknown riff between the comedian and nightly news host, I think it was just two decent friends (good acquaintances?) breaking balls, or whatever the nomenclature is these days. But I’m just a lowly blogger and Dave Itzkoff writes for the Times. Just go with your gut on this one.

And finally, it looks like AMC is breaking out the big, ineffective guns to boost Mad Men’s third season, much like they did for the second which scored them such paltry ratings that AMC couldn’t find it in their heart to throw the bank at Matthew Weiner. Which is unusual since this is the best and most critically acclaimed series on television. I can sort of understand this, fans of Mad Men can be pretty insufferable. If half the people I know who watch Mad Men had recommended it to me before I bothered to watch it on my own, I’d probably steer clear of it as well, since 90% of the time the first thing they talk about is either style/set design. Both are the best you’ll find in film or television, but a series it does not make. Honestly, give it a rest, average Mad Men fan. I get it, the style is almost impeccably reflective of the era, but it’s a hat/living room/Sunday dress. Nothing more, nothing less. I can find one online and buy it for you, if you promise to shut the hell up about it.

Alright, back on Monday with the current standard recapping schedule.

One last links post to close out the week. As you can tell, we never got around to watching the most recent Weeds episode, a problem we hope to remedy by weekends end. Not much else going on, so we’ll forego any further preambles.

I can’t recall a better time to be associated with Oprah Winfrey than now: She’s taking her entire staff on a cruise that covers Spain, Italy, Turkey, Greece and Malta. Seems a little excessive, but I can’t imagine anyone is complaining. Other than people like me, who would commit unpseakable acts for such an opportunity. In case you were worrying, don’t, she’ll be back to indoctrinating upper-middle class women in no time.

Other than the first image to pop up on a google image search for "Maxim", I have no idea who this is.

The cable network E! and the ladmag Maxim are teaming up to shallow-ize the populace, the likes of which we’ve never seen. They’re scheduled to do a couple specials together, and I have no idea what that entails. But if I had to guess, I’m pretty sure the extent of it will be women from AXE Body Spray commercials putting on masks of tabloid stars and wrestling in jello, then having the lead singer from Whitesnake determine who the winner was.

Here’s the trailer for an Arrested Development documentary, a documentary I wasn’t aware was in existence until just now. This probably costs me hipster points, but I livev in Ohio so it’s much easier too come to terms with that fact. Anyway, hopefully this is a precursor to a movie, something that is starting to feel more and more overdue. Is Sit Down, Shut Up still on the air? Can someone look into this?

Here’s another trailer for an upcoming HBO series called Bored To Death, a series I wasn’t even aware was coming. Naturally, it doesn’t come out until September, but this is the first look at it and stars Zach Galifinikas (among others), so it warrants the three month advance notice. If you need a synopsis, I think the anti-Entourage should suffice.

And finally, the TV Academy “honored” television’s most beloved dad’s Of All Time. Probably because Father’s day is Sunday, but it still doesn’t make much sense. I’d actually rather see the opposite: Ten most hated TV dads. Who would we put on that: Tony Soprano, Jimmy McNulty, Tommy Gavin, Roger Sterling, Randy Marsh, Doug Wilson, Riggins’ dad…I’m sure there are a couple others that are eluding me right now, but that’s some prime suckage in child-rearing right there.

Alright, we’re wrapping it up for the week. This is, without a doubt, one of the five more mundane weeks we’ve had on this site. It would be stealing the top spot if we didn’t stumble onto the Weeds season premiere last weekend. In short, we’re exceptionally thankful it’s over.

What a dull fucking week this has been for this website. It’s actually kind of starting to annoy me. Again, all we watched was Daily Show last night, if you can recommend something that isn’t a rerun or a new episode of a gut-wrenchingly terrible reality series, I’m all ears. As of last night, the best thing on in prime time has been reruns of 30 Rock and The Office. You know, it is fucking summer, when is actual summer television going to start? July? Does June not qualify anymore?

Anyhow, if you couldn’t figure it out we’re falling back on links again. Don’t blame me, blame the unholy overlords that run the television industry. I will not resort to being another person who watches god damn reality shows to laugh at the people participating in them.

Looks like someone is backing my play about Artie Lange’s appearance on Joe Buck’s show. Or he’s just inadvertently agreeing with me shortly after I posted on Tuesday. It’s pretty much the same thing. Really, it’s the only logical conclusion one can reach from HBO’s handling of this: When taken into consideration the rest of their programming, how can HBO take the moral high ground? I know this is geared more towards family programming, but it was on at 9PM, so it kind of nullifies that argument.

Here’s a link to someone’s twitter page informing us that Triumph The Insult Comic Dog will be making his debut on tonight on Conan with a segment at Bonaroo, which is a concert of some sort. The wannabe hippy contingent will be as easy to crack jokes on as the Star Wars movie line, if not more so. Whether or not there is any validity to this claim, I couldn’t tell you. But I’m trying to drive up viewership, so just tune in tonight if you have nothing better to do.

Rolling Stone did a long interview with Matt Weiner about Mad Men past and future. In it he says he wanted to capture the rise of LA with the “decline” of New York. I didn’t realize NYC was struggling so much, or ever did. As far as I could tell it is and was always considered one of the more thriving markets in the history of the world. For as great as Mad Men is, it’s basically the anti-Wire. As rough as certain aspects of Betty Draper’s and Joan Holloway’s lives can be, I’m pretty certain Dukie, Wallace and Randy would do everything short of kill to have it as good as they do. Not to disparage the plight of character’s like Betty and Joan, but when you hear the show-runner talk about the “decline of  New York”, it’s kind of hard to take seriously.

Whoever it was that played the first Aunt Vivyan on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, will be writing a memoir about her experience on the show, in which she disparages the bankable movie star she used to share a set with. Guess who I’m referring too. No, go on, guess. I’ll give you a hint, it isn’t Alfonso Ribiero…

Alright, it’s Will Smith. By my count, this will be the first negative press he’ll be forced to endure since…I don’t even know when. I’m sure someone called him a thug in then 80’s when he was primarily a rap artist. Probably since then. And unless she says something like he was constantly sexually harassing the rest of the cast, I doubt anyone will really give a shit.

That’s all we have for right now, we’ll post at least once more today. Promise.

Yeah, didn’t watch a minute of television last night besides Daily Show and the Larry David interview with Conan the night before. He just may be the most awkwardly comfortable man that walks the streets in Hollywood. Judging by the bulk majority of these late night interviews, that’s some steep competition. So kudos to you, Mr. David. And may you henceforth have only non-regrettable orgasms (it probably helps if you watch the interview).

Anyhow, you could probably guess that we’re resorting to posting links. Enjoy.

I don't know what he sees in her.

Christina Hendricks (Joan from Mad Men) is engaged to some actor on some shitty USA or TNT drama. No one should be too surprised by this development but everyone should be disappointed. Anyhow, I guess it pays to be on one of the many interchangeable television shows produced by both cable and broadcast networks alike. If nothing else it keeps you in the loop.

A man walked 2,200 miles from Cincinnati to LA to hand in his Survivor audition tape and was still turned down by casting. This story is quite amazing. First of all, only someone from Ohio could still possess the relentless, dimwitted optimism that’s required to partake in something like a walk across the country for a reality television show. Secondly, only Hollywood could take something as inconsequential as a falling reality series and turn the casting process into the fucking Godfather. I can’t imagine what the harm would be in allowing him on the show. “He’s too nice” was the excuse he claims they gave, and admittedly that can be nauseating. But at the same time, wouldn’t he generate a little much needed publicity? Wouldn’t this create a little buzz, and you might get some viewers who’ve given up on the show in the past few years? I really just don’t see a downside to casting him.

Here’s an interview with Mary Louise-Parker, in which she just talks about Weeds for the better part of 2,000 words. It’s a worthwhile read if you have some free time, but nothing too illuminating. Talking to actors rarely is. “How do you like pretending to be an unlikeable bitch that sleeps her way out of trouble and jeopardizes the safety of her family?” “I’ve always been attracted to roles where I come of as unlikeable, it’s just such a stretch for me, and I enjoy challenging myself, both on and off the camera.”…And so on.

Jason Jones has thrown down the gauntlet on Stephen Colbert, calling his sojourn to Iran tougher than Stephen’s to Iraq. I’d be hard-pressed to disagree, but I’d love to see a response that actually turns this into something of a feud. There needs to be more crossover between the two shows being that they are so closely connected and whatnot. (Sidebar: There wasn’t a response for this last night, was there?).

The Artie Lange saga continues, and he’s now banned from HBO, under the premise that HBO, “doesn’t have any interest in his world.” Mind you, this is the same network that is known for Taxi Cab Confessions, G-String Divas and a slew of X-rated stand-up gigs. No Mr. HBO exec, I’m afraid that’s exactly what you and your cohorts have interest in, whether you want to admit it or not. In fact you inhabit it, and are partly responsible for its creation. Anyway, in case you’re keeping score at home, that makes an entire series of networks and the most storied talk show in the history of late night that he’s no longer welcomed at. All in all, not bad for a single night’s work.

Portia De Rossi (Lindsay Fumke from Arrested Development) has her agent shopping around her memoirs detailing her experience with anorexia while shooting Ally McBeal. Man, with Calista Flockart on set, that show was probably ground zero for eating disorders in its time. No wonder it was canceled prematurely (at least according to ratings), we were about to see the slowest mass suicide the country has ever known.

And finally, probably a good sign that you’re losing credibility as an awards show: when the MTV Video Music Awards are forcing you to reschedule. That’s what’s happening to the Emmy’s (surprisingly not the Grammy’s, though I’m sure they’d have to acquiesce as well). Not that I give a shit about the Emmy’s, but it is really depressing that anything on MTV has the commercial appeal to force anything, much less television’s most “prized” award ceremony. Though this isn’t really surprising, I don’t even want to contemplate who would win a ratings war if they were the only two options, The Wire or Next…let’s just end this before we start thinking about it.

Back tomorrow with more links, most likely.

Rescue Me was outstanding last night, much in the same way it’s been before the last two episodes. Beyond that we didn’t really watch any television outside of Daily Show, and Stewart, once again, just bitch slapped all three cable news networks; which is always a feel good moment for the folks. I liked the nervous, forced laughter when he’s taking MSNBC to task.

It makes sense, I imagine there’s a considerable conflict of interests when the person you’ve been trained like a Pavlovian dog to laugh at/with every time he makes an innocuous comment/gesture/facial expression, is now lacing into hackneyed political pundits that align with your ideology. With any luck, they’ll be ruined forever.

Here’s an article wondering why the new CBS procedural drama, Three Rivers, is set in Pittsburgh and not LA. Yeah, why aren’t there more shows set in LA.? That city hardly ever gets any recognition in pop-culture. It just seems so unfair that cities like Pittsburgh and Oklahoma City are always reaping their mid-market status. What about the LA’s, the NYC’s and the Chicago’s? Won’t somebody think of the three biggest markets in the country?!

If you were looking to pinpoint a reason why you disliked Entourage but couldn’t find the words to summarize your contempt, this video does quite well. It’s obviously an over-simplification, but that’s what makes it so funny.

This is basically the entire show.

Somehow, some way, True Blood is bringing in HBO’s best ratings since The Sopranos. For commercial appeal, both rely pretty heavily on sex and violence, so it isn’t exactly a mystery why either of them draw high Nielsen’s, but I am amazed at Americans tolerance and never-ending infatuation for vampire/zombie stories. There’s a few of them out there, from what I hear. If you combine all the film and television installments, they’re basically cop dramas at this point. God, I can’t wait for Treme, Curb, Hung, Boardwalk Empire, and Ribbon of Dreams start up so I can pretend that this and a sabotaged episode of a Joe Buck talk show aren’t the most redeeming qualities for the once great pay cable network.

Well, well, well, looks like ABC is now going inside the Obama White House. Better pucker up FOX, or before you know it the only people watching your network will…probably be the same embittered bunch that already make you by far the highest rated network. As you were.

This is some great news: congress is putting in motion a plan to lower the volume of TV ads. You know how you can be watching, say, Friday Night Lights, and the episode goes into commercial which you don’t really think anything of, only to hear the sonic boom that is a Chevy truck ad because for whatever reason, the decibel level they air the commercial with is ten times that with which they film the show you’re watching. I can’t tell you how overdue this is. My father, god bless him, listens to the television in his house at about the 65 mark. I can on average hear everything thoroughly at about 24. That’s damn near three times louder than most need the television to be. Anything to lower the overall volume whenever I visit is greatly appreciated.

And so the fallout from Artie Lange’s appearance on Joe Buck Live begins. Most notably in him telling an HBO executive to go fuck himself, and reportedly being banned from Conan’s Tonight Show. Yeah, how dare he be subversive on HBO coming from Howard Stern. Seriously, am I missing something here? Even if you don’t like Lange’s brand of low-brow humor he at least made the show watchable. If HBO didn’t want a scene, they shouldn’t have invited on a comedian who’s known for his hatred of their new show host.

And finally, Conan O’Brien first netted Larry David (whom outside of a Top Ten list on Letterman, I don’t think I’ve ever seen do a talk show) for last night, and has Kobe Bryant as a guest tonight. If you’re a fan of watching athletes and entertainers try entirely too hard to be affable and down-to-earth, I suggest you tune in.

Maybe a few more links later.

A little upswing in television news lately, unfortunately about 80% of it revolves around late night talk shows. We’re just going to skip all of that and try to bring you the interesting part of the remaining 20%, which leaves us with about 5% of the news items available.

As you have probably heard by now, Mad Men has an official premiere date for the third season. I’ll just go ahead and kill the suspense: it’s August 16th. We’re still over two months away but it feels oh so close. This is how desperate we are for good news in television, a show that we knew would be released in August makes headlines when which day in August it will be on air. And there were really only five days too choose from since we knew it would be a Sunday. Whatever, the general mundaneness of this news isn’t going to kill my buzz over hearing it.

As if I needed another reason to feel giddy this morning: Michael K Williams has signed on for a part in Martin Scorsese’s Boardwalk Empire, which will air on HBO once they pick up the pilot. If you don’t know who Michael K. Williams is, you might know him better as Omar Little. And if you don’t know who Omar Little is, then I’m taking my ball and going home, because I don’t think we can be friends anymore.

You may have noticed that we’ve been intentionally avoiding all the David Carradine, part of that has been out of respect for the actor and his family, but mostly because the somewhat abnormal circumstances surrounding the case have led pretty much everyone to believe that there are some sordid details that won’t come out for awhile, if ever. Well, the leaking of new information continues, so we’ll just stand guard for now.

A producer for Lost has come out and said they’ll have a “real” finale, “unlike The Sopranos”. You may remember when a producer for The Shield did the same thing, and maybe it’s just me but I find myself wondering where these guys find the balls to do shit like this. Do they not understand? If it wasn’t for The Sopranos none of you fucks would even have a show to worry about a finale. It started the whole “TV as cult following” movement and dragged a dying medium (scripted televised dramas) out from the gutter. To his credit he did say that The Sopranos was “brilliant”, but it seems a tad disingenuous when you follow that up with, “(Lost) is going to have a real ending”.

Here’s a list of television’s twenty least feminist characters. There isn’t really thing to argue here, but I will say that feminist have some lofty demands of who their pop-culture icons should be. That’s probably why there’s so few of them. That, and no one really identifies as a feminist anymore, even if they adhere to feminist principals. I think it’s time for a re-branding.

The end of Summer cannot come soon enough.

Here’s Danny DeVito drunkenly forcing — intentionally or otherwise — one of the more awkward interviews you’ll ever see on local television. You could dump five gallons of Nickelodeon ooze on these two and it really wouldn’t seem that out of place. Between this and Pat Tomasulo from WGN trash-talking to a four year-old in a take of one-on-one basketball, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to start watching more local news. My favorite part from either of these is when Tomasulo says, “don’t bring that in here, Tyler“, just so the kid knows exactly how much the guy from the TV hates his guts.

OK, a couple late night items: I know I’ve been giving Stephen Colbert the business as of late (and I’m sure its gotten back to him and just devastated his week), but his shows from Iraq have been as genuinely funny and enjoyable as anything he’s ever done on his show. He’s also giving a voice to the military, something so many people that have been in a similar position have failed to do. Also,  The segments at Fort Jackson have been especially entertaining.

And finally, everyone is rushing to call the move of Conan to 11:30 a mistake since Letterman beat him in the ratings this week. I’d tell everyone to relax, since I don’t think Letterman will be able to book guests with the same clout as Howard Stern and Julia Roberts every week, nor will he always inadvertently crack pedophilia jokes at the expense of a conservative politician’s daughter. Or maybe he will if it means improved ratings, I don’t know. Considering he is basically the only entity at CBS that has been losing to his contemporary at NBC, staying on top might result in an extreme course of action. You’re just the beginning of it, Willow.

Back tomorrow to close out this week, probably with some links. We’re working on procuring Showtime so expect that Weeds recap by Monday, if not tomorrow.

It’s Always Sunny returns in September, so says ad in between the premiere and re-airing of last night’s Rescue Me episodes. I can’t find verification anywhere, but I should be all you need, baby. In the meantime, go to the show’s website and watch these full episodes. Listening to Mac make excuses for why he has to share a foldout bed with Frank should brighten up your morning. I’m looking forward to them taking an ax to the recession. I’m already an asshole, you don’t have to tell me.

As I’m sure you’ve seen/read/or heard about from two dozen different outlets by now, Mark-Paul Gosselaar dressed as Zack Morris on Jimmy Fallon’s show and Howard Stern dressed as Howard Stern on Letterman’s show. Amazingly I watched both of them on television, and I didn’t really think either would be the seminal events they were made out to be the following day in the entertainment world. I think sometimes, we make a bigger deal out of these things than the masses, and I have no idea why. Especially when they aren’t all that unexpected.

This is also making the rounds: how 30 Rock is a thinly veiled shadow of The Muppet Show. Eh, I’m not going to read the article because I’m pretty sure every series on television could have parallels drawn to it from some sort of predecessor, but the snippets I’ve read seem to make sense. I never watched The Muppet Show as a kid, so I don’t really know much about it.

There it is. Riveting.

Here’s the Real World: DC house. I saw articles suspecting that this was the house a couple days ago and thought about posting it, but then it dawned on me: feeding into speculation of where a new Real World house is going to be for a season that won’t air for at least nine months would be a new low for this site. I suppose this isn’t much better, but at least its been confirmed.

Good news for the state of the union: Jon & Kate Plus 8’s ratings continue to drop. I credit Barack Obama for this development. But honestly, I’m proud of you people, between this and the It’s Always Sunny episode I watched before coming in this morning is helping to restore my sanity.

I know everyone was nervous about the state of Nurse Jackie after one episode, but rest assured, it has been renewed. See, as much as I knock on Showtime for their poor production quality and generic premises, they get shit done. I can’t recall a time with The Sopranos or The Wire when the status of each series’ livelihood wasn’t in question. Specifically the questions, “Is it coming back?” and “when is it coming back?” being constantly tossed around for a few months before the network would ever give a definitive answer.

And finally, it turns out AMC isn’t cutting into Mad Men’s runtime to make way for more commercials, but much like we expected is instead going to extend the show’s airtime past 11PM to accommodate additional ads. This is the most logical conclusion, so naturally AMC reached it, because it’s one of the better ran cable networks on basic.

Back tomorrow with more links.

Kind of busy at work dealing with the fallout from an audit, so naturally we’re a little later on this then we’d care to be. What do you want from me, though? The only way to avoid circumstances like this would be to quit my job. Wait a second…that’s not a half bad idea. Then I could live out my dream of hunting leprechauns in the northeast. Most of the sitings are in Vermont but I’m certain their just crossing in from Massachusetts.

Anyway, enough of those pipe dreams, everyone knows my generation won’t be able to retire until we’re in our late 60’s, nor will we see a dime of social security I would use to pay for my bow ‘n arrow set with fairy dust tips. Let’s just doll out some links.

Exclusive photos from the third season of "Mad Men". They're making a few...changes.

Here’s a profile piece on Elizabeth Moss (Peggy from Mad Men). Nothing terribly enlightening but apparently she was in the Broadway production Speed The Plow (which made some headlines with Jeremy Piven leaving due to Mercury poisoning), she is in an upcoming Judd Apatow flick and is married to Fred Armisen from SNL. Between all this and her work on the best show on television, she’s quickly becoming a seven degree-r.

Multiple videos of Dwight Schrute’s best moments, since we regard him as the best character on the show it seemed link-worthy. Also, is it bad that we’re already feeling nostalgic for The Office, regardless of our ambivalence about the finale? It can’t be a good thing.

Entourage adds more guest “stars” to the sixth season. I’m just going to start referring guest “stars” on Entourage as “flare”, because the emphasis on style and pizazz over substance has become jarring, even for a show about Hollywood. Also, the quotations around the word stars is necessary, since one of them is the guy from Eli Stone, one from Prison Break and the other is James Caan’s kid. I think you understand where we’re coming from on this.

HBO news regarding Hung and Treme, also they’re considering canceling In Treatment. To which we reply please don’t toy with me HBO. If you can get rid of all your series’ that revolve around overwrought conversations about uninteresting characters we’d be eternally grateful.

If this photo of Stephen Colbert in a camouflage three-piece suit doesn’t brighten up your day, then I’m afraid you can’t be helped.

And finally, a couple of bad reviews for the upcoming season of Weeds. With just reading the headlines and not the actual article (do you want these links or not?), it seems they’re generally complaining about the same thing I am: the series has over-extended itself. Unless Doug and Andy are walking around smoking it, the usage and sale of marijuana is barely even a blip on the radar anymore. Now we have human and cocaine trafficking to operate the screen while we are expected to root for a woman who’s responsible (indirectly or otherwise) for the deaths of several characters.

But we’re supposed to forgive her because…she’s an attractive 40-something widow with two sons? Its never really been explained why we shouldn’t want to see her dead. Still, regardless of how uneven and flawed we find the series to be now, we’re doing everything we can to find a place to watch it. If we’re so fortunate we’ll probably stick around for Nurse Jackie as well. But I have my limits to how far I’m willing to go. As is the norm in these situations, I don’t allow kissing. NO exceptions.

We’re going to close out our week with the standard links post, just so it seems like we’re in tune with what is actually happening in this world, even if nothing is. Also, I know that despite rarely watching them, we limit our previews to the broadcast networks. If there’s any summer series you’re looking forward too but aren’t aware of when it’s starting, go here, and unless it’s It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia that you’re curious about, they should have an answer for you. As for It’s Always Sunny, you’re guess is as good as mine.

David Duchovny is now on record as saying that shooting sex scenes is boring. I imagine when you’re an admitted and now renoun nymphomaniac (probably one of the better maniacs to be), simulating the act of intercourse as part of your job is pretty mundane. Man, I can’t even begin to fathom some of the crazy shit this guy has done. He could claim to have bedded aliens and I’d totally believe him. Anyway, now that I’m done making you sufficiently hate your life you can probably go now.

I haven’t talked much about the couple from the MTV reality show on I’m A Celebrity, because the more we all pretend they don’t exist the better. But when Ted Telegdy (random NBC executive) comes out and says publicly that, “they are everything that’s wrong with America“, I have to break my code of silence. For starters, he’s right. Secondly, he’s either forgetting his own role in this or just willfully ignoring it. Heidi and Spencer don’t exist if it isn’t for people like him and his ilk giving them a platform. If he and whoever’s pulling the strings at MTV shunned these dipshits like everyone should, they’d be just two more over-privileged scumbags living their lives in virtual anonymity. You know, just like Ted Telegdy. This is like NFL labor negotiations: none of you are innocent.

Don’t know if anyone other than me actually watched the pre-game show for the finals last night, but Jimmy Kimmel and Eminem did a wildly funny sketch with Kimmel trying to put together a rap song. I highly recommend watching this, despite your opinions of either gentlemen involved. By far this was the highlight of the half hour. I don’t know what it says about Kimmel’s show that it is always infinitely better around marquee events (The Super Bowl, The Oscars, etc), other than that he should try this hard every time.

And to send you into the weekend, a couple announcements about worthwhile programming on Monday night: Weeds returns with its fifth season premiere. We’re looking for a place to watch it, but are repeatedly coming up short. Basically, you’ll find out on Tuesday if we’re recapping it. I wouldn’t get my hopes up, though.

Also, Letterman will have Howard Stern on his show Monday night to try and boost his ratings against his new rival, but I think his attempts to stay ahead of Conan are coming a little late. He’s like Clarence Royce to Conan’s Tom Carcetti. Not to mention that a solid percentage of Americans have forgotten that Stern is still alive since his move to Satellite. Like me, for instance. I’m not paying for radio when I have terrestrial and free podcasts at the tip of my fingers. Sorry, but I don’t need to spend money to ensure that I’m properly entertained in my car at all times. Not everyone lives in LA or commutes into NYC.

Man, that was random. Back next week with more of the same.

We have a full week’s worth of news items to get too, and given our penchant for delving into petulant rants and veering off-topic, this might take awhile. God damn it I don’t want to be doing this, why is it always my responsibility to make sure my site is updated regularly with new content? Hey, what would be a stranger site: seeing a leprechaun ride a unicorn or a unicorn ride a dragon? I’m going to go with the latter, since a unicorn is a mythical horse, and horses are generally the ridden half of the equation, not the ones doing the riding.

See what I mean?

I don't get it.

Mary Louise-Parker now says that she was misquoted in regards to her nude scene in the season four finale of Weeds. Claiming (in jest, obviously sort of) that she “likes to reveal herself” and that she’s “always naked”. That’s a relief. Now I don’t have to feel like such a creep every time I post a picture of a scantily clad forty- something actress and mother of three. Like this one to the right.

Much has been made of Conan O’Brien’s set. I never thought I’d see the day in which a television set turned into Jimmy Hoffa disappearance, but here we are. At least someone is actually doing something with all this collected data, and pointing out that the asymmetric design bares a striking resemblance to Super Mario Bros. when filled in. Also, a couple weekends ago I referenced Super Mario Bros. to some random stranger at a gathering, and he hadn’t the foggiest idea what I was talking about. “I don’t play video games” was his response before awkwardly parting ways. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t something like Super Mario Bros. a staple of American culture at this point, like Coke? You don’t need to drink soda to know what Coke is, I would assume the same is true for the most infamous video game ever made. Whatever, it was perplexing is all.

Semi-good news for some: Demetri Martin’s Person has been picked up for a second season by Comedy Central. I was kind of lukewarm on this, but it’s a solid variety show that produces way more laughs per minute than SNL, which isn’t necessarily a recommendation. Still, the show is ambitious enough that I would like to see if Martin can build off what he was working on in season one. Look at Chapelle’s Show for an example that reflects how much a show like this can build in quality and popularity in just a season’s time.

Because everything has to be thought of in terms of demographics these days: here’s an article pondering when a non-white male will get a network talk show. I suppose this rules out Chelsea Handler since she’s on E!, but she might be your reason why. I suppose it is a good question, I would love to see Dave Chapelle or Sarah Silverman get a shot at a job like this, but is anyone really dissatisfied with the late night options right now? Kimmel, O’Brien, Letterman have all been given a Grid Effect approval, and Fallon isn’t as bad (some even say he’s excelling) as many would have thought at late night. The only complaint I can get on board with is Carson Daly, but that is barely even a late night show anymore. It’s more an entertainment news show that does fluff pieces for celebrities, like every other entertainment news show.

September 14th has been marked as the date Leno will premiere in his new 10PM slot, just in time for the cold weather to set in and you don’t mind going to bed a little earlier (note: I haven’t fallen asleep voluntarily before 1am in roughly ten years, so I feel I’m going to be subjected to at least a little of this).

Jermaine Crawford (the doe-eyed kid who played Dukie on The Wire) is working with 50 Cent on something. On what? Does it fucking matter? If you aren’t overcome with joy anytime one of those sad bastards gets a break, then I don’t know what to tell you. And yes, I’m having a difficult time separating the character from the actor. Seeing Crawford standing next to someone as absurd as 50 Cent my jolt me back to reality.

Speaking of doughy-eyed, here’s an interview with Zack Gilford, who plays Matt Saracen on FNL with his alma-mater’s paper. I usually don’t link to things like this if I can help it, but there’s a couple amusing anecdotes that could surely brighten up your day.

And finally, DirectTV is paying the way for Friday Night Lights’ Emmy campaign. I think we’re sort of in Wire territory now with this show and how it relates to Emmy voters. Only its not nearly as good as The Wire, so its been given a few more nominations than the one The Wire got for “Middle Ground” (the penultimate episode of the third season). Though I appreciate the effort from DirectTV, it’s amazing what NFL money can afford. Thanks a lot for helping the NFL make it impossible for me to watch Eagles games.

Probably it for today. We’ll try to post some more links in addition to our preview for Friday night’s viewing. If you want our take on your options for tonight, go here.

A few words on Conan’s debut as Tonight Show host before we get to tonight’s preview. I’ve never minded Jay Leno as much as most seem too. Sure, his jokes were easy, predictable, and every punchline followed the same format, but I always looked at it as a different style of comedy that simply didn’t suit my preference in aesthetic. But after watching Conan host last night, it was glaring just how pedestrian Leno’s stint as host was.

The transition was seamless, for the most part. He’s been hosting a late night show for roughly fifteen years so it wasn’t like Fallon’s debut where he was struggling to acclimate to an entirely different industry from the one he’s used too. And nothing about last night gave you the impression that they were reviving a franchise. After all, despite your thoughts on Leno, it was still number one in ratings ever since he had Hugh Grant on after the transsexual prostitute “scandal”.

But the show just had a different energy to it that felt like it had been lacking for the past fifteen years or so, starting off with Conan’s Forrest Gump like sprint from New York too LA (Maybe he should have led off with Tom Hanks instead of Will Ferrell). Nothing really happened during it, but you couldn’t pull yourself away. Between that, Richter as the show announcer, the Universal Studios tour (being at a theme park should make for great cannon fodder for many years too come) and O’Brien using the LA stereotypes for all they were worth, we actually might turn his Tonight Show into appointment television, something we’ve never done with a late night show before.

NBC

8PM: I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here

I have some bad news folks, it’s only on for an hour tonight. You might be asked to do something for yourself. Well, to be fair no one is ever asked to do such things, but if you’re watching I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! I could recommend just about anything — read a book, play pool, shoot rats in a dumpster with a paintball gun — would be an improvement.

9PM: Inside the Obama White House

Part one of what I believe is a two part new show. I believe this is to commemorate his 134th day in office. That’s a real milestone, you know.

10PM: Law & Order: SVU

The episode is called “Zebras”, so I’m guessing it’s about a racially ambiguous sociopath that doesn’t care who he harms! But seriously, who gives a shit? If you can’t figure out the plot of a Law & Order episode regardless of circumstances, it really doesn’t matter what it’s about.

ABC

8PM: According To Jim

Ehh, we might have been a week early on this with ABC, as tonight’s episode is the season finale for the whipping boy for anyone looking to complain about the state of the sitcom an television in general. Anyways, if you’re watching this show and you don’t have a family that’s forcing you too watch it, I’m afraid we can’t be friends.

9PM: Earth 2100

I haven’t read the synopsis of this, but I’m willing to bet it’ll be alarmist. Speaking of which, because I hate myself I watched The Happening on Sunday, and if that wasn’t the worst film I’ve willfully sat through this decade, I’m perfectly glad to have since forgotten whatever it was.

FOX

8PM: House

It seems like FOX feels this is their show with the most rerun-able show, otherwise they wouldn’t put it on air everyday. We asked yesterday why this show is popular, and nothing’s changed. I’ve never watched a full episode, but it seems like an SNL skit gone awry. I think there was one with Phil Hartman in which he was attaching legs to tits and tits to arms or some such tomfoolery, House might be a step above it, but I think it might be even funnier since the show has such a serious edge too it.

9PM: Mental

So is this the latest of the psychic cop shows? I think we can do better, FOX. Didn’t they just have one of these with Tim Roth? At least we can assume that judging by the title, they’re not even trying with this one.

CBS

8PM: NCIS

Of all the liberties taken by all the investigative legal dramas out there, I think this one takes the most, and it’s not even close. For example, it warrants mentioning that the women pictured to the right is forty years old, playing some sort of investigator in the Navy and she wears a spiked collar to her job.

9PM: The Mentalist

At least FOX isn’t stealing the full title from CBS, just two syllables of it. It’s a shame were not still in the midst of the flame wars between networks stealing each other’s reality show concepts. Because the pettiness of this one might finally be insurmountable.

10PM: 48 Hours Mystery

Guh, why is it that regardless of which night we do this, CBS always has more shows than their contemporaries? We didn’t bother to look at the description of tonight’s episode, but we imagine it has something to do with rape, death and possibly a disappearance.

So those are your options. We’re probably going to steer clear of all this and wait until 10PM to watch Rescue Me, than Daily Show, then Conan. Also, expect our Rescue Me recap later tonight.

Since you were undoubtedly wondering what happened to the Goode Family review we suggested would be posted yesterday, I should probably inform you that our DVR fucked up, only catching the last nine minutes of the show. From what we saw it wasn’t terribly funny and relied too heavily on standard cliches about PC behavior. But what we watched was kind of a non-sequitur, it picked up right when some girl was complaining to a guy who seemed like her older bother, about her mom forcing her too have sex.

Anyhow, I’m trying not to read too much into it, but I think its already been ruined for us. The animation was too bright and we don’t really like ABC, anyways. Are we actively looking for excuses to not watch this show? You betcha.

Onto some links to close out this dreadfully long, short work week.

The good news is, I might not have to worry about it, as the ratings were pretty sub-par for The Goode Family. I don’t really watch anything on ABC, and I skip pretty much every commercial when I watch a game on ESPN, so I don’t know what kind of marketing campaign was put together, but poor ratings for an animated series in prime time has to be expected, right? Either way, I’m pretty sure one more joke about same marriage vs. opposite marriage will put them right over the top.

Reportedly AMC wants an extra two minutes of commercials for each season three episode of Mad Men. I think it’s time we recalibrate how television networks (especially cable) schedule their daily programming. I mean, why would AMC limit Mad Men to one hour that has to be split with commercials? If Matt Weiner says he needs and extra fifteen minutes to squeeze in all his scenes, is there a reason they don’t give it to him? Is it really urgent they start that 4,000th rerun of Footloose when the hour hand is decidedly on a number? They may not get the best ratings, but Mad Men is by far the most buzz-worthy product the network has too offer.

Might be airbrushed a little, but we don't mind.

Joss Whedon might cast Summer Glau onto the second season of Dollhouse, giving her a chance to revive their partnership from the failed Firefly series. We mentioned when it was expected that Dollhouse was going to go off the air and everyone was blaming Eliza Dushku, that to be consistent you’d have to also blame Glau for the failures of Firefly. It seems that since Dollhouse survived cancellation, he now has some clout to bring back the witch solely responsible for one of his few misfires (just speaking commercially, people, relax). And who could blame him. Look at that picture, I’d wrestle a lion for the opportunity to meet this woman, much less work on a TV set with her for months on end.

Here’s the trailer for the upcoming Real World season, which is set in Cancun. It manages to cram every cliche from the storied franchise in a two minute and eight second span. Or, he’s different when he drinks and you’re not here to make friends? Couldn’t the latter be expected and if the former is true, why did you agree to live in a house with six strangers carrying an equally serious alcohol problem?

It looks like we’re at the point where every detail of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s life is deemed newsworthy, as evidenced by this “published” news story about one of them pranking the other. Hey remember that time someone in your office put a fucking whoopie cushion in your chair, did you ever think that could one day make the rounds online? Well, it will if you one day contribute to riding a once great sketch comedy show into the ground (I love 30 Rock, as stated many times before, but SNL hasn’t been funny on any consistent basis for at least ten years).

And finally, it probably warrants mentioning that tonight is the last episode of Leno on The Tonight Show, and he’ll officially pass the torch to Conan O’Brien as host. I don’t think anyone whose ever told jokes on a broadcast network for a living has ever been so divisive (to generalize: red states love him and blue states hate him, so he always beat Letterman in ratings). This departure hasn’t been nearly as sentimental as O’Brien leaving The Late Show, maybe because it involved a move across the country? Or because Leno will significantly augment his visibility moving to 10PM, while Conan’s public persona will only slightly increase? I have no idea, but what I do know is that NBC is doing something that the masses actually seem to give a shit about. I can’t remember that happening since the debut of Deal of No Deal.

Back on Monday with nightly previews and some reaction to Conan as Tonight Show host.

Nothing too spectacular today, just a few links to keep up our end of the bargain with 451 Press. I failed to record, much less watch Rescue Me last night. I kind of feel like an asshole about it because completely forgetting about a series we recap (read: actually enjoy watching) is something I don’t thin we’ve ever done unless we skipped town and forgot to record something a few days in advance, but the Cavs-Magic game was entertaining to the point of distracting. Honestly, you could have built the space tunnel from Contact with how honed in I was on that game.

You ever wonder what Emmy submitted DVD’s look like compared to the DVD’s you buy from Amazon or Best Buy or what have you: then do yourself a favor and click this link, save the available photos in a folder on your computer and hopefully you will begin to ponder what exactly it is that you’re doing with your life, because right now it’s preparing yourself to compare the inside covers of varying types of the same DVD set.

God bless you and your thinly-veiled narcissism.

In case you were wondering, Evangeline Lilly isn’t interested in becoming the next Angelina Jolie. I, much like everyone else I suspect, didn’t realize that this was something being offered to her. Maybe she thought it was because their names are kind of similar. But, whatever, kudos to you Evangeline, on you’re selfless nature that keeps you in seven or low eight figures, and doesn’t put you into nine. I’m just happy that you decided to randomly publicly confirm something that no one was wondering about, otherwise how would we justify posting this picture of you?

A&E has a new series coming out called Obsessed, the television spin-off of that new Idris Elba/Beyonce/crazy white lady movie…Or wait, no, I read that wrong. It’s actually a harsh and depressing portrayal about the lives of OCD patients that the article promises numerous times isn’t for laughs. But let’s be honest, OCD is always funny. My guess is if you were amused by Sling Blade, then you’re going to be amused by someone’s crippling fear of using a public restroom.

Access Hollywood has a tour of Conan’s Tonight Show set hosted by Conan himself. We’ve only watched a few seconds of it, but from what we can assume there will be a performance stage, a desk and some accompanying couches for guests, a small music stage for the house band and some unique lighting to separate it from the other, rapidly growing number of late night shows flooding the airwaves. Also, I’m not sure if this was the intention, but it looks like they moved The Tonight Show to Neptune.

Hey, speaking of NBC late night television, I think it’s official: everyone has turned the corner from despising the choice of Jimmy Fallon to being charmed by his late night efforts. I will give him credit that his show is a much easier watch than most, and his amiableness definitely goes a long way, but there just isn’t a lot of wit on his show. It’s the closest thing to a family picnic there is on late night, if that makes sense.

Everyone’s all up in arms about something called Jon & Kate Plus 8, as it’s basically showing the implosion of an absurd television family. I’m not really sure why any of this is surprising to anyone, as Kate has been described several times to me by friends who watch the show as a female epithet considered much more offensive than “bitch”, that we’re not prepared to use on this site. It’s hard to believe someone so adversarial would actually be an active member in a failing marriage, I know, but it’s probably the most realistic any “reality” show has ever been. And if you needed more proof of America’s infatuation for watching people fall from grace: the show clocked ten million viewers with the season five premiere. ‘Dems Sopranos numberz.

And finally, Al Pacino will play Dr. Kevorkian in an HBO film directed by Barry Levinson. This sounds appealing, but we’re not going to lie, we’re worried about what finding that says about us. We don’t want to delve into the politics of the whole thing, but the concept of wanting to see a film about a doctor whom euthanized the sick and elderly can’t be a beneficial character trait, I’m certain. I have to imagine I’d have a better chance of meeting women if I walked around like Green Man than if I told everyone I know about the potential for this film.

Back tomorrow with more of the same.

Few links to open the last, shortened week in May. We’ll get to our Rescue Me recap later today, which you are undoubtedly waiting in breathless anticipation for.

This is more of a "first look" than anything in that link.

Here is your first look at the fifth season of Weeds. What it is, is a few still shots from the set, so it’s technically a “first look”, but it’s almost intentionally misleading. If someone tells me I’m getting the “first look” of an upcoming season of television, I expect it to be at least a trailer, if not a short clip from an episode. I suppose I am guilty of the same sin since I am linking to them and all, but at least I’m giving a detailed explanation. I expect more from websites that people actually visit.

You can watch the first episode of Edie Falco’s new series, Nurse Jackie, online. I have yet to watch it but one thing’s for sure, this guy from Entertainment Weekly is thoroughly unimpressed. Mind you, it’s just a pilot, but considering the batting average for Showtime series’ with this site, we’re going to be inclined to agree. Not that this is why we won’t watch the show, but unfortunately for her, she might be married to the Carmela Soprano character. Audiences will be too familiar with her as the wife of an Italian mobster to see her as anything else. This could be a great opportunity for her and Frederico Castelluccio, the guy who played Furio Guinta and was pissed about being cast off the show late in the fourth season.

This article from Time wonders whether or not Americans want to watch shows that focus on the financial strains of the current economy. It seems we haven’t learned anything from Nielsen’s or Box Office numbers, because the answer is a resounding No. If the American consumer wanted to watch gritty realism over fluff, The Wire would murder Two and A Half Men in ratings and Squid and The Whale would slaughter The Incredibles in an opening weekend. The fact is, Americans overwhelmingly (and with few exceptions) want mindless distractions from their everyday lives, which is perfectly fine (I guess). But can we at least put a moratorium on questions like this?

Here is a series of photos of Stephen Colbert undergoing military training in preparation for his trip to Iraq. For awhile we’ve ignored his antics because they were so redundant, but this seems like it warrants mentioning. Much like the Weeds first look, we would prefer video. But this is different in that we weren’t led to believe there would be any.

This is the problem with Obama being so immersed in the entertainment industry: George Lopez is claiming Obama agreed to appear on his talk show. On TNT. For starters, who told TNT it would be a good idea to make the leap into comedy (the fact they hired George Lopez to host a fucking talk show is proof this is going to fail miserably). And two, the president can’t go on a non-political talk show unless it’s Leno, Letterman or Oprah; and even then the majority of the populace would like to see otherwise.

An article pondering if television is becoming inundated with hospital dramas. Of course it is, but hasn’t TV always been overwhelmed with slick doctors? Everyone knows that the only interesting professions in this country are homicide detective, lawyer, doctor or some facet of the entertainment industry. No other career path is deserving of a fictional characterization unless you’re watching a motion picture rom-com, in which if the characters aren’t one of the aforementioned professions, then they are an architect, a magazine/newspaper editor or they work some non-descript finance job in a major market high rise. Everyone knows that.

Anytime your series is fixated on cheap teasers and absurd premises that placate the easily amused, it’s going to be regularly downloaded online, thus explaining why Lost was the most pirated series of the past year. If Weeds was on ABC they would experience the same side effects, I’m sure.

And finally, if you watch nightly talk shows for the interviews, The Tonight Show has unveiled Conan’s first week of guests. I’m going to go ahead and say it: Jimmy Fallon’s lineup for opening week was undeniably superior, but I’m still DVR’ing his first week at 11:30. I’m that open-minded.

As mentioned, Rescue Me recap later.