Grid Effect

So it appears the Emmy nominations came out today, and although we couldn’t care less about any of this shit, we are writing a TV blog so there’s a sense of obligation to pay attention to it. One highlight we noticed — and it’s only because his magnum opus was so absurdly overlooked by the Emmys — was David Simon’s adaptation of the Evan Wright novel, Generation Kill snagging eleven nominations. I would love it if he didn’t even bother showing up, but as noteworthy as he is for being irritable, I doubt he’s that big of a prick. Even though he should be.

With that said, let’s rundown the nominees for the best acting, best writing and best comedy and drama series’, because there isn’t much else that’s been transpiring for the past 27 hours. If you want to see the full list because we’re being nothing if not non-comprehensive, go here.

Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series
Lost “The Incident”
Mad Men “A Night To Remember”
Mad Men “Six Month Leave”
Mad Men “The Jet Set”
Mad Men “Meditations In An Emergency”

Looks like Mad Men is officially the new Sopranos. While I appreciate the fact that it’s garnering so much attention, I can’t stand the fact that everything else is overlooked at it’s expense. I’m about two episodes into the second season of Breaking Bad, and I can all but guarantee that it’s being overlooked in some capacity. Same with Friday Night Lights and BSG (though the few episodes I’ve seen always did strike me as heavy-handed. Anyways, I liked all these Mad Men episodes, but I can’t believe “The Mountain King” wasn’t among the nominees. Of those I’m probably taking “Meditations In An Emergency” to win in a landslide, but “Six Month Leave” would be our selection.

Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series
Flight of The Conchords, “Prime Minister”
30 Rock, “Reunion”
30 Rock, “Apollo, Apollo”
30 Rock “Mama Mia”
30 Rock “Kidney Now”

And it looks like 30 Rock is the new Friends (with the small caveat of actually being good). My reaction to this was pretty much the same as it was to Mad Men, except there was so much more competition in this field. No nominations for The Office or Life and Times of Tim or South Park or Weeds? Anyhow, amongst the choices I’d go with “Reunion”, but again, I’m amazed that “The Natural Order” isn’t nominated. You nominate a fifth of a season for writing awards and you don’t even get the right fifth.

Best Actor in A Drama Series
Simon Baker, The Mentalist
Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House

Sorry Jon Hamm and Michael C. Hall, Bryan Cranston deserves back-to-back wins for this. One of your characters comes down with cancer or starts dealing heavy narcotics, then we’ll talk. But right now Cranston absolutely carries an already great series (whereas Hall carries a mediocre one and Hamm is great but the ensemble is just as impressive).

Best Actress in A Drama Series
Glenn Close, Damages
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: SVU
Holly Hunter, Saving Grace
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

You probably won’t go wrong with Close or Sedgwick, but Moss should win this in a landslide. Whatever, if Sally Field wins this award again we might start a petition to get that series — a series we didn’t realize was still on the air until just this second– off the air, if for no other reason than in the eyes of this site, ABC should have lost the right to still create original programming fifteen years ago.

Best Actor in A Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
Jemaine Clement, Flight of th Conchords
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men

Do the nominees ever change for this category. Sure, we have Jemaine Clement and Jim Parsons bringing in some new blood, but how many times have Sheen, Shalhoub, Carell and Baldwin been nominated? I guess the bright side is the last two were deserved. Anyways, Carell should win for all the range Carell showed with Michael Scott’s extremely reluctant growth, but I think we all know Baldwin is taking this home.

Best Actress in A Comedy Series
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?
Toni Collette, United States of Tara
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds
Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program

I’m not so certain that half of these aren’t really comedy roles (Parker, Collette and Applegate specifically). With that out of the way, I’m probably giving it to Fey and for the first time since we’ve been writing this, we agree with Emmy voters.

Best Comedy Series
Entourage
Family Guy
Flight of the Conchords
How I Met Your Mother
The Office
30 Rock
Weeds

Tough field, though I don’t know how they justify giving it to anyone other than 30 Rock. Great comedy stems from great writing, and when four out of the five nominees are for one show and from the same committee that’s determining the best writing category, it seems pretty self-explanatory. I’d obviously go with The Office, since I know it’s a pipe dream for It’s Always Sunny to ever be nominated for anything other than a Spike TV award (or whatever that shit is called).

Best Drama Series
Big Love
Breaking Bad
Damages
Dexter
House
Lost
Mad Men

As much as we love Breaking Bad, our pick is still Mad Men. It wouldn’t surprise me if they made an exception in this case and gave it to Lost, simply because it’s on a network and infinitely more people want to see it win, which I’m sure might endure the masses to the broadcast. Still disappointing that FNL can’t get any love, but I really shouldn’t be surprised.

We didn’t want to get into supporting acting, guest acting or variety categories because this shit is already being given about six hundred more words than it deserves, but there was plenty more to like and dislike (easier to read list of nominees here). Specifically, I thought the supporting actor and actress nominees for comedy made a lot of sense, but the same can’t be said for the supporting actress nominees for drama. How do January Jones and Christina Hendricks get snubbed here? How? What are they seeing that I’m not or vice versa?

Also, while Generation Kill did receive eleven nominations, none of them were for acting. I’m guessing the voters had difficultly telling the characters apart, but Alexander Skarsgard (whom you can now see in True Blood as something named Eric Northman), James Ransone, Lee Tergerson and Brian Wade were all pretty remarkable with the time they were given.

If we had any complaints, along with The Shield getting snubbed those were probably the three most notable. But for an awards show that saw five seasons of The Wire and only nominated it twice for writing Emmys, it has obviously invalidated itself. I hope they enjoy the swag of whatever it’s called from the networks and advertisers, maybe some day these meaningless awards will have some legitimacy to them.

Back later with some links.

This is going to follow the same format as last year, regular updates and will probably stop at the end of the first round (four and a half hours is a long time to type about people talking). Also, since Blake Griffin is the surefire first overall pick, we might sit out the first few minutes. No guarantees. In case you’re wondering, we’re half-assed Cavs fans because we live in Ohio, and we root for the Thunder since everyone so adamantly resents Oklahoma City having a basketball team, so we’re particularly interested in what those two teams do. Other teams of interest, just from a strategical standpoint: Miami, Utah, Portland, New Orleans & Denver.

We’ll be back around 7:30 or so to kick this thing off.

7:40- And it’s now official, Blake Griffin is the first pick of the 2009 draft. I read this article from Simmons over the past two days at work, and my only advice to Griffin is to tread lightly. I’d call Simmons the minister of propaganda for the Clippers’ rival, but someone has to give a shit about you enough to have a rival.

7:42- Why does ESPN always let the most obnoxious personality do the play-by-play (so to speak) of these drafts? Stuart Scott for the NBA, Chris Berman for the NFL? They could at least trot out Gilbert Godfried so I could laugh every now and then.

7:43- Mark Jones wants to know how Blake Griffin feels about being drafted first overall. I guess no one asked him what it felt like a month ago.

7:44- I think I just figured out why I always thought Blake Griffin was native American.

7:47- For whatever reason Memphis is allowed to take five minutes more than the allotted time for the second pick. But with it they select Hasheem Thabeet, the much maligned stiff from UConn. That was kind of harsh, I actually wanted Oklahoma City to take Thabeet, as they desperately need a defensive presence down low and already have a lot of offensive firepower. He’s the right pick on the right team, but unfortunately For Hasheem, Memphis isn’t the right place for anyone.

7:50- I’m probably the only person this side of the Mississippi, or really the only person outside of Oklahoma, who gives a shit what the Thunder do, but I want to see them just overdraft Curry here. In a draft this thin (I actually think there is a lot of respectable talent throughout the first round), with the third overall pick you can’t worry about value and just take the guy you know can deliver. No one in this draft does anything better than Curry shoots, and having that range to spread the floor for Durant and Westbrook is more valuable than anything else available.

7:58- David Stern’s manages to uncrack his voice for the third pick, as he announces OK City is taking James Harden. I’m not going to lie, I didn’t watch much ASU basketball, but the one game I saw from him, I was fairly unimpressed. He’s improving my impression of him drastically by sporting that bowtie, though…God, these transitions are driving me nuts. They have the feel that they’re segueing to commercial and they end up taking us to some nonsensical interview with the most recently selected player.

8:00- Sacramento drafts Tyreke Evans in their ongoing efforts to court David Stern into letting them move to Vegas. In a related story, I’m willing to bet it was the Maloof brothers who put the hit out on Tim Donaghy.

8:02- Minnesota is next on the clock, and I have to imagine this is the least desire destination for prospective and current NBA players. Mike Miller and Randy Foye could be seen doing back flips after being traded for this pick (and some deadweight that Washington was dying to get rid of). I’m predicting Ricky Rubio and Stephen Curry are the two picks the T-Wolves take with 5 and 6.

8:04- 1 for 1. I’m sure the 18 year-old from Spain is going to love playing in Minnesota. Nice draft room for Minnesota, though I might just be saying that since Memphis’ was so shoddy. That thing looked like the autograph signing from The Wrestler.

8:07- I guess I should comment on the pick, and while I’m not a big fan on the potential of Rubio, but for how many first round picks they have (4), and for how dire the franchise is, I think you have to take the flash and the potential. Solid, value pick, which is hard to do with fifth overall this year.

8:08- Rubio referred to himself in the third person. Already. I’m going to go ahead and blame it on the language barrier.

8:10- Minnesota selects Johnny Flynn. Kind of an odd pick since they, you know, just drafted a point guard with the pick right before this one. I don’t understand this. At all. Heaven forbid Minnesota make two logical picks in the same draft. I’m looking forward to them drafting Len Bias with their third 1st round pick.

8:13- And it dawns on me: they’re going to trade Rubio. If not tonight, then some point before the season starts. It’s the only logic I decipher from this.

8:15- Minnesota just drafted two players in a row who refer to themselves in the third person and who coincidentally play the same position. That has to be a first.

8:16- Nice trade for Atlanta. I have to imagine Jamal Crawford can play on a winning team at some point in his career.

8:17- Golden State, the one team that doesn’t need Stephen Curry, drafts Stephen Curry. Much to the dismay of bizarrely entitled Knicks fans. I guess it would be futile to point out that they haven’t been in the playoffs in eight years or so.

8:21- Curry, who went to Davidson, couldn’t sound more articulate. Also hear he’s a decent bloke. My sister’s fiance coach’s tennis there, so it’s almost certainly true.

8:23- And now for the biggest over-reaction of the night, the Knicks are about to make their selection. And they will almost certainly be disappointed because it hasn’t dawned on them that there aren’t two Stephen Curry’s.

8:24- Jordan Hill, who some considered one of the more pro ready players in the draft, gets booed to the hilts in MSG. He seems to take it in good humor, and he should. This beats the snot out of Marco Gallianari. At least Hill will average more than five minutes a game. In fact I bet he’s starting halfway through the season.

8:25- I always want to hear one of these players say something insightful, and Hill was on the right track, but he didn’t say, “if you play well they support you, the fans just want to get there money’s worth”.

8:27- God I love Jeff Van Gundy’s analysis, he’s got a sizeable scrotum for such a little fella.

8:30- The Raptors, who I forgot were in the NBA this past season, draft DeMarcus Rozen after his freshman year at USC. I guess he felt Tim Floyd wasn’t getting him the money he deserved (rimshot). But seriously, fuck USC. Have fun shoveling your driveway with your snow shovel you paid 95% sales tax for.

8:33- The other forgotten about team in the NBA, the Milwaukee Bucks, take Brandon Jennings with the tenth overall pick. I can respect this as at least he might attract a few headlines, not to mention he has a fade and supposed lightening quick speed. This team has had so many high draft picks over the years, why aren’t they ever in contention? Oh, that’s right. Because they select people like Andrew Bogut first overall. I think I see a correlation between them and Toronto being so obscure, as Toronto took Andrea Bargnani first overall a  few years ago.

8:35- I really like the pick by the Bucks. In a weak draft in an awkward position, and you already have a surplus of utlity players, why not spring for the difference maker?

8:37- It just dawned on me that we’re only a third of the way done. What was my incentive to do this?

8:38- The Nets take Terrence Williams with the 11th overall pick. Opinions are all over the place with this guy, and to me he just seems like a generic wingman. That is, he puts together a nice highlight reel but if you watched any Cardinal basketball, you probably wouldn’t notice him. I’m skeptical but they need a replacement for Vince Carter.

8:41- Williams shows off the value of a Louisville education with his post-draft interview and calls out Jay Bilas for playing at Duke. That’s true, he did go to Duke. I have no rebuttal.

8:46- Charlotte is on the clock, and they draft Gerald Henderson because they know they’re not going to compete (though I have them making the playoffs in 2010), and just want to stockpile as many former in-state alums as possible (usually they’re from UNC, because UNC has been the only school to regularly produce pro prospects). They’re like my friend from Cincinnati who you can always count on to draft every Bengal three rounds too early in our fantasy football draft. Except the Bobcats are actually supposed to at least put on the facade of being a professional sports franchise.Whatever, they should just feel glad that the Bobcats opened up shop in Charlotte and not, say, Bismark, North Dakota.

8:49- Henderson can’t help but demonstrate his innate Duke-ness by being the first player to reference his golf game after being drafted.

8:50- The question is, who will have Tyler Hansbrough now? He’ll have to wait until the Bobcats next pick, if I had to guess.

8:51- Well, fuck you too, Indiana Pacers. A team already starting two white Americans just adds a milestone with a third in Hansbrough(assuming he starts, and he probably will). Huge oversight on my part.

8:54- Jeff Van Gundy seems to be the only person willing to address the eccentricites of the crowd, like chanting overrated for a player whose done nothing but take shit for being even considered a pro-prospect for the past year or so.

8:56- Phoenix amazingly doesn’t trade the pick away for cash, like they’ve done for the last four years (outside of the Lopez brother they drafted last season).

8:58- Another Cardinal is taken in Earl Clark to round out the lottery, and since he isn’t there, David Stern takes this as a good time introduce Brandon Jennings four picks after he’s drafted. Nice job, Phoenix. Way to generate publicity for Milwaukee, they don’t get it often enough.

9:03- The Pistons fancy themselves a little pacific northwest flavor and take Austin Daye out of Gonzaga. He has a badass name, but I’m not sure it fits with the NBA. It’s more of a baseball name. He probably needs to put on some weight if he wants to make the transition from three to four, but it’s the best you’re going to do at 15th overall (except maybe Jeff Teague).

9:05- Stuart Scott brilliantly mentions that Austin Day is one of four first round selections out of Gonzaga, but convenientally doesn’t mention that the last one was Adam Morrison. He did win a ring, I suppose. He gets credit for that. I’m pretty sure cheerleaders get a ring too, so he more than earned it.

9:08- Chicago, the team that has great backups starting at every position except point guard, takes someone from Wake Forest that isn’t Jeff Teague. This is like if the Clippers had drafted Taylor instead of Blake Griffin. Don’t they have enough over-sized big men who can’t score? Has an organization ever been so lucky to draft a player as Chicago was to land Derrick Rose after passing on Kobe Bryant and Kevin Garnett because they wouldn’t trade Luol Deng. This team just wants their fans to hate them.

9:11-Speaking of which, Steve Kerr is explaining his employer’s motivations, and in spite of not being able to say “we’re dumping as much money as possible”, he does a nice song and dance.

9:14- The Sixers take Jrue Holiday with the seventeenth overall. I don’t really know what to say about it other than I like the decision to go back to the retro logo.

9:18- Minnesota is next on the clock, and they opt to take another player under 6′2. I don’t give a shit what Jon Hollinger has to say, because they have something in the works.

9:21- See.

Sorry, had a phone call from someone I hadn’t talked to in awhile.

9:23- Atlanta takes Jeff Teague, a great value pick for a team that has over-drafted everyone on their team except Horford and Josh Smith.

9:26- Utah. who desperately needs a backup point guard and will need be in dire need of a perimeter scorer when Ronnie Brewer leaves, drafts a top 10 guy on the Grid Effect draft board. It’s a lot better than the Kosta Koufos pick last season.

9:31- The Hornets draft Darren Collison, the one Bruin to play on all three final four teams they’ve put together. That’s usually not a good sign, because it implies you weren’t good enough to leave early. Also, anytime he went head-to-head with an NBA prospect, he was eaten alive. I don’t have any examples because I’m a blogger, but trust me on this.

9:35- Portland and Dallas swap a shit ton of draft picks, with Dallas getting the better end of the deal by a long shot. Since when does Portland trade more for less? Either way, I can’t imagine there being any consequences from it, the highest pick in the trade is 22nd this season, and if you look at the history of 22nd overall picks, you’re not going to see a lot of glitz and glamour.

9:39- Looks like they had their eyes set on a one Victor Claver out of Spain. Must of had a hot lead from Rudy Fernandez.

9:43- Shaq comes on and is as amicable as can be, it’s unfortunate that I have to root for him now that he’s in Cleveland, because I’ve made a life of fandom rooting against him. Sigh.

9:45- Sacramento, in their neverending attempt to stick it to the Lakers, drafts the second Jew in Omar Cassipi from Israel. He’ll work out with them, probably make  a quick six figures before we forget about him and hear his name in the 2012 Olympics.

9:51- Dallas is on the clock, and they do what they were supposed to in drafting the defensively deficient BJ Mullens from my almamater, Ohio State University, a center that draws nothing but scorn from the city of Columbus. I don’t think there’s ever been a college athlete going pro that has left his school with the fan base wishing him ill-will, but much like his inability to start even though OSU didn’t have another player over 6′8, Mullens has pulled off the impossible.

9:53- OK City takes Rodrigue Beaubois out of France because…I don’t really have anything to say about him. Because he played in some fake pro league outside of Paris. Actually, I’m pretty sure they drafted him just so they could hear David Stern butcher his name.

9:55- Ooh, they didn’t get Thabeet, so now the Thunder are trading him to Dallas for Mullens. What is it with today and seven footers I don’t like going to teams I want to see win? If I wanted to see BJ Mullens play, I would have gone to more than the one OSU game I got free Huntington Club tickets for.

9:58- Only five more picks left in the first round, and outside of Taj Gibson, DeJuan Blair and DeJuan Summers, we can’t think of anyone with any real potential left on the board, so cutting it off after the first round is appropriate. Maybe Wayne Ellington and Danny Green, who both elected to come out early knowing they wouldn’t be taken until the late first or second round, so that kind of lowers my opinion.

10:00- Taj Gibson goes to Chicago out of USC, and this is our dark horse, despite our pre-set notions about everything USC. Is it just me, or is he considerably better than their first pick of…James Johnson, who if I mention him again I’m just going to call him not Jeff Teague.

10:03- It’s 10:03 and the Grizzlies will pay you to take their autograph.

10:06- The Grizz take a guy with a liver disease out of Missouri in DeMarre Carroll, it was the only guy on the Tigers that you could distinguish from his teammates in the tourney because of his hair. I actually like the pick, he has a real Rodney Turiaf quality to him, and I mean that as a compliment. You get a solid utility player this late in the NBA draft, you’re doing what you’re supposed to do.

10:09- These last three picks are grinding to a halt, and I don’t much give a shit which point guard Minnesota takes with their fourth pick this round, so whatever adrenaline I was operating on is gone. So please, Minnesota, and hurry the fuck up already.

10:12- Wayne Ellington goes to the T-Wolves. He’ll stand in the corner waiting to shoot set three’s opposite of Rashard McCants, another UNC alum. This team really needs Corey Brewer to come back healthy and meet his potential, like he was supposed too coming out of Florida and then they don’t really have any excuses in the 2010-2011 season.

10:15- The Lakers are on the clock and are selling it to the Knicks for a reported three million. Talk about a fleecing by LA, whose looking to resign Ariza and Odom, and wants the money to pay both of them.

10:16- The most ill-advised pick of all time, Darko Millicic is going to New York for Quentin Richardson, and it will have absolutely no effect on anything. Though I’m surprised D’Antonio was willing to part ways with one of his dependents.

10:17- The Lakers take Tony Douglas out of Florida State on behalf of the Knicks. Again, probably inconsequential, but FSU was actually competitive this year so it speaks highly of him.

10:20- Finally, Cleveland us on the clock and will probably take Dejuan Blair or DeJuan Summers. Every mock draft I saw said Summers, but I don’t think  anyone was expecting Blair to be on the board so we’ll see if they want another banger. Seems a bit redundant after the Shaq trade, but Danny Ferry hasn’t exactly been efficient over the years.

10:22- Christ this is taking an eternity.

10:23- To conclude the first round, the Cavs select Christian Eyenga out of the Congo. My only reference to that country is the adaptation of the ungodly stupid Michael Crichton novel, Congo, starring Ernie Hudson. Someone is saying he’s a stellar athlete, but he’s playing in a middle school gym so take that with a grain of salt. Reportedly he’s going to be “stashed away”, which is mob speak for either in “witness protection” or “buried in a desert”, it could really be either.

Alright, that was long and tedious, somehow it exceeded our NFL running diary, in which there were 10 minutes between each pick. we’re calling it a night and we’ll see you tomorrow afternoon at some point.

Since nowadays this site is only accessible to your humble correspondent roughly 30% of the day, we were unable to pound out that Survivor recap we promised for last night. And we do not have time for it now, so a few words about Jimmy Fallon’s debut as a late night host. As it was just about as uncomfortable of a debut as one could imagine.

Well, in the interest of fairness, I’ve never seen a late night debut before. I might have watched Kimmel’s as I believe it followed the Super Bowl but I can’t remember anything about it and can’t be bothered to do any research. I also skipped the Craig Ferguson debut because I was a Craig Kilborn fan and I had no idea who Craig Ferguson was, so naturally it was lacking appeal.

Taxi: at least it made Gisele a full-time model.

Bringing Jimmy Fallon in, even if it doesn’t work out, definitely sparks some curiosity. For one, he’s a recognizable name from SNL and the few movies he’s been in but at the same time he has grown easily detestable from how sub-par those movies were (though some people seemed to enjoy Fever Pitch) and his well-documented laughing fits on the sketch comedy show. Jimmy Fallon, while recognizable, was definitely a bewildering choice by most who follow this stuff, and for good reason.

First, he didn’t really seem to be heading in the direction of hosting a talk show, especially starting off in a spot that’s fairly reputable. Just about every current host (sans Carson Daly) has either hosted a series in the past or was strictly a writer or a comedian. None of them had gone into acting only to “retire” from it prematurely and host a late night show. It seemed as if he was hired over other more deserving names because his star was the biggest and would generate some buzz.

To be fair, Nick Burns makes up for just about everything.

And I guess it worked. I’m sitting here writing about the guy despite kind of hating his guts. In his entire career he has one noteworthy accomplishment that we enjoyed, and that was when he played Nick Burns, the condescending IT Guy on SNL, and even then he couldn’t hide his own amusement (which we tend to give him a pass on, for those three or four years he was on SNL it seemed like everyone was breaking out in laughter during their own skits. The era will probably best be remembered for that. Fallon just did it in abundance). Beyond that however, I’d venture to say he’s had a relatively disappointing career.

So that’s his back story (as interpreted by us, anyways), and last night he stepped onto the stage, and attempted to win over the naysayers with…deficit jokes. Instead of remarking on the absurdity of him in this role (which to his credit, he seems to be acutely aware of), he comes out with hackneyed one-liners about politics that you probably could have heard Jack Paar make fifty years ago.

The night started off well, with an intentionally awkward passing of the torch between Conan and Jimmy before the credits, but it was basically all down hill from there. From uncomfortable interviews to bizarre and humorless segments, it seemed that all the effort put into the promotional campaign had interfered with the actual show production. As funny as some might find it to have people licking random inanimate objects for a ten spot, you have to provide some humorous commentary for it to actually be a, you know, comedy sketch; and not just some cheap time killing gimmick that doubles as product placement.

The most cringe-inducing part of the show, however, was the incredibly shaky interviews. Robert DeNiro was clearly doing this as a favor to someone, and that someone wasn’t Jimmy Fallon. Outside of Joaquin Phoenix, who may or may not have been in character, i can’t recall a late night guest ever looking so put upon and disinterested. Of course, he kind of always looks like that now. And while he’s a recognizable name, the producers probably should have sought out someone that fit the mold of talk show guest a little better (kind of like NBC should have done with Fallon).

If nothing else, Justin Timberlake, whom I’m not personally a fan of but was basically born to be in front of a camera, basically drowned out his host while oozing charisma. It didn’t start out that way though, as Fallon opened the interview with Timberlake much like he did DeNiro: with a rambling soliloquy that Timberlake had to mercifully cut him off from and offer a signed picture of some guy. From then on out the roles reversed and Fallon almost seemed relieved to let Timberlake take the reigns, even encouraging him to do impersonations at one point.

Basically, the entire thing had about four or five high points and only two of them were one-liners by Fallon. The Roots as the house band and the cold open with Conan O’Brien were two others and the fifth was the unintentional upstaging from Timberlake. Van Morrison is probably my third favorite music act of all time (behind Zeppelin and the Pogues), but to say he is past his prime is a bit of an understatement, and he isn’t really appealing to the generation that they’re attempting to reel in.

Some may recall that Conan’s own show was slow to evolve, and that may be the case here. We’re going to watch for the rest of the week hoping Fallon can relax and come into his own, but for the time being it’s looking like another misfire by NBC. For every Office and 30 Rock, that network is clocking about 40 Bionic Woman’s. This seems to fall into the latter category.

Hopefully we can get to some recaps later.

…And immediately we regret this decision. For a couple reasons, really. The aforementioned hangover and general fatigue is part of it, but we weren’t all that enamored with most of the films with multiple nominations. Not to mention Hugh Jackman is hosting this year. In years past, successful Oscar hosts have always been comedians (Stewart, Hope, Carson, etc.), in 2009 we get to watch a song and dance man who takes himself entirely too seriously fucking foxtrot and tango across a stage. Yippee.

8:30- At least he’s going to make an attempt to tell jokes. So…why not just bring Jon Stewart back? Or Conan O’Brien.

8:33- Oh, that’s why.

8:34- It’s going to be really obnoxious when everyone is verbally stroking Hugh Jackman over what a “great” job he’s doing here. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the talent and effort put forth, it’s just that it is so seldom funny or entertaining or original in any way. Maybe it helps if you know Hugh Jackman like all the people in this audience.

8:37- Alright, the peace signs from Anne Hathaway was pretty solid, though I indeed have my biases when it comes to Miss Hathaway.

8:40- See, people do not enjoy shows like the Oscars because they feel it’s too self-fellating. A room full of millionaires patting themselves on the back for a job well done in a field that’s virtually innocuous. Bringing on an actor to go off on tangents about how great his peers are, isn’t helping remedy this perspective but just confirming to it.

8:45- I usually don’t snark on what people are wearing because, you know, I don’t much give a shit. But is Tild Swinton naked under that blanket she’s wearing? Is she Hasidic and there is a hole somewhere in it? Answers to these questions would be entirely more interesting than whatever the hell it is I am watching right now. Are they handing out the award here? If so, are they all going to be presented like this? Because we’re not making it past the hour mark if that is the case.

8:48- Oh. My. God. They cannot hand out every award like this. I can’t listen to these superlative filled soliliquys all night for every fucking nominee. Oh, and I haven’t seen Vicky Christina Barcelona but I have it queued up in Netflix because Match Point was so strong. But this is against my better judgment and in spite of all my friends telling me I shouldn’t waste my time.

8:53- “Writers do not merely write screenplays, they write movies.” -Finally, something a little lighthearted from Jackman. I’m being sarcastic, of course.

8:55- At least the above quote led to something worthwhile. This is a strong category with In Bruges, Frozen River, Milk and Happy Go Lucky. I’m rooting for In Bruges because it’s criminally overlooked. But Wall-E is taking it in all likelihood.

8:56- Well, I stand corrected. Anyhow, its not really all that surprising that I actually enjoyed all the nominees for best original screenplay. Its like great writing ends up making for great movies.

9:00- Didn’t see Doubt, but Benjamin Button was basically Forrest Gump, and it is written by the same person who wrote Forrest Gump. Take that for what it is worth. Give it to Frost/Nixon, I guess? Whatever, it’s a tad obvious that Slumdog is going to win, and a good indicator that it’s going to clean up tonight.

BRB. That means Be Right Back for the uninitiated.

9:02- Jennifer Aniston takes a lot of heat for…what I’m not sure. But she’s a smoking hot 40 year-old woman. I’m guessing advanced surgical procedures has something to do with it, but I’d be lying if I said I gave a shit either way.

9:03- Ubiquitous shot of Angelina Jolie. Jesus. Is there a man alive who doesn’t irrationally but understandably loathe Brad Pitt?

9:05- Didn’t see any animated films this year, but I hear Bolt’s amazing. I’m lying, of course. No one’s ever said such a thing. Wall-E I imagine was a unanimous decision.

9:06- More Aniston. That’s not something we’re going to complain about. Like 99.9% of America, I didn’t make it to the theater to see these animated shorts that they ran when the nominations came out. I’m sure, they’re the greatest animated shorts ever made. Just like how every movie ever nominated is every year.

9:09- I’m not real xenophobic or anything, but if you hear you’re nominated for an Oscar, don’t you at least try to bone up on your English in preparation for it?

9:15- So I guess between the new Bond flick and that Nazi-resistance movie, Daniel Craig’s run of commercially and critically successful films is over.

9:16- I think Mad Men has better set and art direction than all these films.

9:17- At least there’s one non-acting award that Slumdog Millionaire isn’t going to win. Smart move here, just give it to the sprawling epic because it’s a sprawling epic.

9:20- If it seems like I’m unfocused, it’s because I am feverishly checking my fantasy basketball team. Anyhow, I think Mad Men out does all these films with costume design as well. The technical aspects of that series are arguably its strength.

9:21- These guys are fucking nervous as can be. I guess you don’t get into costume and set design for the attention of it.

9:23- So does Sarah Jessica Parker just always talk like Carrie Bradshaw now,where virtually every word is inflected intentionally? Benjamin Button wins for makeup, but I would have preferred they hand it to the person who shot a make up gun point blank in the face of Heath Ledger.

9:25- Are they about to hand out an award for Best Kiss or something? Did U2 throw them some money to compile a montage they could play one of their tracks over? What’s happening?

9:31- One third of the way through and I’m already feeling the burn. Thank you for this pairing. A little humor paired off with Natalie Portman is a can’t lose proposition. Something that can’t usually be said for award “ceremonies”. Isn’t Joaquin Phoenix friends with all these people?

9:33- No real standouts this year with cinematography, so it’s a good thing Ben Stiller is distracting us all with this performance. Still, Jim Carrey’s Jim Morrison back when he was still famous was better.

9:35- Outside of a snide remark about the awkwardness of the technical winners, we haven’t commented on a single acceptance speech yet. You want to know why, because they’re all exactly like this.

9:36- Commericals. Imagine my relief.

9:38- So, I’m pretty sure Jessica Biel could tear me limb from limb. Not sure how comfortable I am with this, but she has arms like an extra from Over The Top.

9:43- Never saw The Reader and I thought Tropic Thunder was overrated in a lot of ways, but there appearance in this Pineapple Express segment is legitimizes their existence. Same goes for The Wrestler.

9:46- Are we promoting something? Is Seth Rogen going to pull out a joint and smoke it here? Because that would be fantastic. Didn’t see any of the short films, but I’m rooting for that Pig movie just for the picture of the pig leaping across the puddle. Instead, the next best thing happens: The one with the generic German title wins, James Franco sounds like an asshole reading it and Seth Rogen breaks out laughing. Good times.

9:51- Fuck, Hugh. Is this entire thing going to be littered with musical numbers? At least Beyonce is half naked, that’s pleasant. At least my eyes are satisfied while my ears are being tortured.

9:58- I enjoyed that, but they could have sang more random songs.

9:59- Ooh, a kookie rom-com starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds where she forces her assistant to marry her to avoid deportation. I’m so there opening night, if just for the actual marriage proposal from the assistant inside a bear cage.

10:03- The randomly placed montages are starting to grate. Oh, more lectures on the awesomeness of the nominees. Can you imagine what would happen if they did something like this in sports? Why does Philip Seymour Hoffman need his dick stroked by Alan Arkin? He’s nominated every fucking year. He knows he’s good. We all do.

10:04- At least the guy introducing Josh Brolin tied in his nomination to last years winner.

10:05- It was nice of Cuba Gooding Jr. to take a break from the Ben Carson story to do this for Robert Downey Jr. I get that he’s black and that’s why he was chosen for this, but I’m pretty sure them both insisting on being named “Jr” over the age of forty is why he was chosen for this.

10:07- Ledger is a lock, in Vegas you have to bet $1,400 dollars to win $100 on him taking home best supporting actor.

10:08- Man, this is going to get messy. I’m going to take a break from pounding out dismissives.

10:11- Wow, they kept that pithy and I can’t blame them.

10:12- A semi-montage on documentatries which I actu- What the fuck? Bill Maher? He’s supposed to resent all this shit but I’m sure he’ll have something completely even-handed and reasonable to say about social politics.

10:13- Wow, not only is it outrageous, but it looks like he was actively campaigning to make Bill O’Reilly’s “Pinheads and Patriots” segment tomorrow night.

10:14- Man On Wire should take this in a landslide, because it is fucking amazing. And is in a dead heap with the Hunter Thompson documentary done by Alex Gibney for my favorite film of the year. Naturally they both couldn’t be nominated, because that would just make too much sense.

10:16- Didn’t see any of these. Have no preference who wins.

10:22- This budding friendship between Tom Cruise and Jimmy Kimmel has amazing potential. I literally can’t think of anything that makes less sense.

10:24- You know, if they’re going to do montages like this, they might as well work some product placement into it.

10:25- Will Smith climbs out of the castle he lives in without being nominated for an award? Obama truly is an inspiration to us all.

10:26- How does Benjamin Button beat out Ironman and Dark Knight for best visual effects? Because Brad Pitt in makeup is so much more impressive than thrilling chase scenes and comic books being brought to life onscreen.

10:30- For anyone who wants my opinion on Wanted: It’s a steaming pile of nonsensical horse shit.

10:31- What is this? A poised technical award winner? Fuck that nonsense. Where’s the stammering? The stuttering? The trailing off into incoherence? These are the things I’m used too.

10:32- Dark Knight has taken home two awards on the evening. We should all be anxiously waiting to see if it can beat out the traditional art films for Best Picture, but that would take a little foresight on the part of the academy.

10:33- This is more like it.

10:35- Yeah, I’ve got to tell you, I don’t know what qualifies one movie as better than the other in these technical categories, but I’m willing to say that Slumdog Millionaire doesn’t deserve all of these.

10:39- So it looks like Cheryl Hines isn’t going to be a regular player on Curb anymore. She’s going to get better ratings, more recognition, a bigger paycheck and generally be happier in every superficial way possible, but it’s a shame that it will only last a couple weeks before that show is canceled. Actually, it’s on ABC, so will probably do better than it has any right too.

10:41- Eddie Murphy being funny? Change, hope and inspiration are indeed the themes of the night. I’m going to warm up some pizza while this is on.

10:50- It’s really quite amazing that the Oscars had an opportunity to force Bruce Springsteen into performing at their show and passed on it. Between this and the lack of Dark Knight nominations one would think they just don’t want anyone in this country to watch their show. It seems like getting The Boss to play your gig is a solid idea, especially when the circumstances are such that he deserves to perform there.But yeah, this melancholy orchestra number is just as pleasing.

10:54- I missed who that woman standing next to Zach Efron is, but she has my full and undivided attention.

10:55- Slumdog, wins again. It’s going to break some sort of record and that just seems inappropriate. This tends to happen in weak years with lesser deserving films. See: Lord of The Rings, Titanic, and Gladiator.

10:58- Replacing Bruce Springsteen singing that incredible title track for The Wrestler with this is like benching Michael Jordan in favor of Tyrone Lue. Only in the self-contained world of Hollywood does this make even a little sense.

11:01- Slumdog Millionaire wins another one, it feels like a point is attempting to be made, but I’m not sure what it is nor do I care.

11:06- Foreign language has been a strong category the past few years (Letters From Iwo Jima, Secret Lives of Others, etc), and this doesn’t quite measure up to it, but there are some strong films here. Some woman mouths the word “OK” when broken English guy gets up there and claims “We. Will. Be. Back.” I’m guessing there are some interesting thoughts swimming through that woman’s head right now.

11:11- In Memoriam, time to follow that pizza up with something equally high in fat content. My goal is to be dressing like a pregnant woman by the end of the week.

11:15- Brooksy from Shawshank died, I hope he went out a little more content than his character did in that movie. A lot of notable loss in Hollywood.

11:19- “Look at the guy who makes this all possible…And now, Reese Witherspoon.” I’m sure he feels appreciated.

11:20- It’s a good thing Slumdog won, I was beginning to think that movie would never get the recognition it deserves.

11:23: It just dawned on me that we only have seven allotted minutes in the run time, they still have three awards to doll out and they’re cutting to a fucking commercial. Incredulously: You have to be kidding me! The whirlwind of insanity that is Mickey Rourke better be given the opportunity to show the world his unique brand of charm.

11:26- So, uh, they’re about to hand out for Best Actress? Is that what all this means?

11:27- It’s a good thing they spend ten minutes handing out the acting awards, they never get the credit they deserve. Also, my vote would be for Melissa Leo in Frozen River (probably the most underrated non-documentary of the year, that or The Visitor), but everyone wants Kate Winslet to win, so she’ll win. I can’t really judge, though. The only bit of The Reader I saw was in that Pineapple Express clip at the 9:43 mark.

11:32- We get to watch Kate Winslet break down in histronics for the fifth time in as many weeks, what an honor. Really, I just want Ricky Gervais to come out and crack jokes about how inane all of this is. Again. Why isn’t he hosting? If he does he needs to have a draft beer in his hands at all times.

11:36- This is the only award that had any suspense built into it. It could go to Richard Jenkins, Frank Langella (my vote, because I wasn’t all that impressed with Frost/Nixon but his performance made it a solid 7/10), Mickey Rourke (who we want to win just to see the subsequent acceptance speech) or Sean Penn and you couldn’t really complain. I have no idea why Brad Pitt is in there. Probably because he wears a lot of makeup, which seems to be enough reason to get a nomination at these things if you’re attractive. None the less, I think the former four performances were far more impressive than the movies they inhabited.

11:42- God damn it. I know I just said that I can’t complain if he or the three others won. But of those four, I have him listed right above Brad Pitt. Given, he’s a mile in front of Pitt, but the speech went exactly like everyone expected it too: Dull, self-important and full of political commentary. Give us the under-appreciated Jenkins, the most deserving Langella or the wild card in Rourke. Fuck.

11:47- So after this montage and Slumdog’s win we’re making a B-line for the bed. At this point if it doesn’t win Best Picture it will just be dumb.

11:53- That’s fine. None of the other nominees were all that breathtaking and this is a good moment for the country of India, whose been having some…issues, as of late.

That’s a wrap, back tomorrow afternoon with some links or something.

Alright, spur of the moment decision to write a live blog of sorts for the Golden Globes, only we’re going to stick with strictly television commentary. Even though we could go meta and cover all of this because it is on television thus in our jurisdiction, but it’s the sabbath and we’re pretty hungover. So we’re going to mail this in.

A pre-show note: What I’ll probably prove to be most impressed with throughout the course of the night: Jeremy Piven claiming Kevin Connolly deserved his nomination and doing so with a straight face. People have mixed opinions about the man, but Piven sure can act. Never has his craft ever been so blatantly on display.

Just like she told us in Extras, that’s how you win Oscars: Holocaust movies. Apparently the same is true for Golden Globes. We get it, Kate. It was bleak.

Best supporting actor in a comedy or mini-series was pretty fucking loaded: Wilkinson, Leary, Piven, NPH & some black guy. Wilkinson took it and I don’t have any strong opinions one way or the other.

Laura Dern wins the female equivalent of whatever Wilkinson won but for Recount instead of John Adams, she’s a bit of a ditz as evidenced on the Colbert Report awhile back but does fine when she’s not trying to impress someone who can talk back. Also, every year HBO is supposedly on the down slide, and every year they all but sweep these awards.

Also, Laura Dern is Bruce Dern’s kid? For the uninitiated he is Bill Paxton’s dad from Big Love, but more importantly, he’s the cliched curmudgeonly old white villainous smalltown overlord from Diggstown. Learn something new everyday. Until I saw him in Big Love I kind of thought he existed in some sort of Diggstown vacuum, imagine my surprise when I discovered he was out their procreating and everything.

I’m assuming that ad for University of Toledo was specific to Ohio? Can someone confirm that they did not see this home video in Arkansas or anything?

For best actor Jon Hamm seems to be a runaway favorite with the audience, as he seems to be everywhere he goes so naturally he’s going to win and holy shit they just gave it to Gabriel Byrne. The struggling HBO put another notch on their bedpost, how does it feel, HAMM!? How does it feel to be the umpteenth unwitting victim to the HBO machine?

January Jones also an overwhelming favorite with the crowd, and again she lost to an actress backed by HBO in Anna Paquin for True Blood. I can never hate her for how good she has looked in 25th hour and squid and the whale, but jesus, HBO has won every award available for television so far. They must have sent a whale of a package over to whoever’s house you would send something to influence these sort of things.

Ricky Gervais completely stole my joke from above but he just murdered the time he was given. Why don’t more of these people get on stage with a drink? Isn’t this basically an excuse for them to all gather and admire each other erronously while plastered? Might as well drink on stage if you’re going to be drinking everywhere else tonight.

Seriously, HBO must have dropped close to a billion on the hollywood foreign press because John Adams just took “best mini-series or something that doesn’t plan on having a second season” award. For some reason Tom Hanks excepts the award, rants frantically for 30 seconds and runs off the stage. Someone’s revisiting their bosom buddy days.

Bit of a sidenote, In Bruges was fucking fanastic. Highly recommended if you can find it on pay-per-view or Cinemax or on Netflix or Bit Torrent or Blockbuster or…basically, if you can’t find it then you probably have much more pressing issues than watching one of the five best movies from 2008. Carry on.

Best actress in a TV series or movie: It’s a bunch of shit I haven’t watched. I have no opinion either way but am rooting for an HBO sweep just so the fix will so unabashedly be in…Laura Linney! For John Adams! Never saw it comin’.

Best actor in a comedy: everyone sans Kevin Connolly (who gets a considerable reaction from the crowd) seems deserving, but it goes to Baldwin for 30 Rock because everyone loves everything even remotely related to Tina Fey. Before he gets all sentimental he cracks a joke about bringing Rumor Willis juice boxes on movies sets. I get the impression Bruce Willis has kicked the shit out of people for less. Did Alec Baldwin not watch the last three episodes of The Sopranos? Now he’s going to get curb-stomped like that guy in Little Italy who offered to “tuck” Meadow in.

Best actor in a TV series or movie: Do not watch or haven’t seen three of the nominees (how in the hell is Wilkinson nominated for his Recount performance here and not in the previous award that he won for John Adams). Anyhow, Giamatti wins. And while I don’t give a shit about any of this (though I’m sure I am fooling you), it still doesn’t make up for not even being nominated for Sideways, I’m sure.

Best comedy, basically: 30 Rock, Californication, Entourage, The Office & Weeds. The clip they show for Entourage isn’t received so well, given it kinda reflects poorly on 90% of the people in attendance. Jerry Ferrara looks noticeably uncomfortable. 30 Rock wins and they give a great acceptance speech in the hands with Tracy Morgan playing his character on the show. Pretty clever, a great way to play to the crowd who couldn’t be more pleased. Though Jeff Zucker looks like he’s going to throw up from the recent bad press regarding his network. Sometimes it’s just better to step down, Jeff.

Outside of my unfortunate hemming and hawing over Emily Blunt a year or two ago, I rarely do this, but I’m forced to here: Kate Beckinsale is one of the more attractive women walking on the plaent right now, but she’s dressed like a holiday ornament right now. Seriously, she looks like she should be hanging from a secular family’s Christmas tree.

Best actress in a comedy, I’m guessing. I missed the actual award but I’m making a veiled attempt to guess based on the nominees: Tina Fey wins again, and there is nothing to dispute or even comment on it. It’s deserving and completely unoriginal. Those are the worst kind. She made a great effort to be humorous but she looked a tad verklempt. Either way: Nothing much to add.

Holy shit, they got Martin Scorsese to come out for this thing and he isn’t even nominated? What happened? Is he retiring? Obviously he’s not, but between this and Entourage where the hell is he finding the time? Anyway, we’re not going to sit here and wax poetically about Stephen Spielberg, the little montage does that better than anyone else ever could. Oh, montages: where would we be as a culture without you to bail us out when we can’t or won’t think of anything substantive to say?

You still awake? No one would blame you if you weren’t. Honest. I get that Spielberg has earned the right to drone on here and that he plays the game better than anyone else (thankig Hollywood foreign press, naming studio heads, etc), but it doesn’t necessarily mean that he has too do either.

Are we done with the television awards? Can I stop this charade and finally watch 60 Minutes? As much as I like to watch Leonardo DiCaprio throw furniture around because some studio head is a fan of Mad Men and decided it would translate well to a film.

See above recommendation for In Bruges. It’s warranted even if it was a shoe-in given we’re dealing with the foreign press.

Alright, so I’m downstairs now watching an HD feed, now I have the freedom to be as catty as anyone. Oh my, look at Sandra Bullock’s hair. It’s…shorter than usual. Or something.

Whatever. This isn’t really my forte. I think we’re going to go back upstairs. I don’t need HD when the only thing I’m staring at is Salma Hayek’s chest, anyways.

I like how Sacha Baron Cohen can make everyone question whether or not it’s OK to laugh at something, and the decision making process is very visible on everyone’s face.

Anyhow, I’ve seen all of these besides Vicky Cristina Barcelona and Mamma Mia (Which I never plan to watch because me and my mom are two separate people), though I do have the Blu-Ray queued up. Naturally it wins. Of the films I had seen, I would’ve given it to In Bruges.

Alright, we’re shutting this down since it looks to be film awards from here on out. I leave you to your own non-thoughts about this mindlessness.

See you in the afternoon most likely.

Alright, fuck me. I had to bring it back because Mad Men finally won something and apparently I wasn’t the only one feeling a wave of film-ness for the past ohhh, hour or so. At least not if Rainn WIlson’s reaction counts for anything. They should probably always bring people in like him towards the end of these commercial inundated trophy giveaways.

Now I’m done. Until tomorrow afternoon.

Alright, it behooves me to write a television blog and not provide even a single post of commentary about the second biggest award show for television. But first, after writing this blog for well over two years now, I feel like it’s time for a confession: we fucking hate awards. All of them. We’ve suggested if before but never flat out said as much and, well, there it is. They’re trite, meaningless statues usually given to the highest bidder, and normally that results in whoever wanted it more and who has the most money. Particularly with television awards, they never seem to be given to the right people.

Sure, there are exceptions. James Gandolfini, Jon Hamm and the rest of the casts and creators of both Mad Men and The Sopranos have won a bevy of trophies. But the fact that series’ like FNL, The Wire and Deadwood so regularly go overlooked, kind of renders award shows completely useless. Looking at this years nominees, their not completely off-track, but the fact that The Wire cannot generate a single nomination isn’t really distressing (since it’s always been like this) , but all other nominees and winners just feel unearned. If the best series of all time isn’t garnering so much as a viewing from the foreign press, then what’s the point of having any of these?

Just because it's better than any other accompanying photograph we could post.

Just look at the nominations for best drama this year:

True Blood: Is this nominated for any other reason than it’s new and HBO hasn’t already made plans to cancel it? Speaking of not feeling earned. The first season finale isn’t off the airwaves but ten seconds and already their getting nominated as the best show on television for the entire year? Not to say it isn’t completely inconceivable. I mean, if The Sopranos or The Wire had been under the same circumstances I’d be advocating for the same thing. But we’ve seen a few episodes of True Blood, and The Sopranos or The Wire it is not.

Mad Men: Obviously legitimate, especially in a year with such slim pickens.

In Treatment: Uh, this is formatted so differently from the others it really should have its own category. That way, they can win their own little trophy and it wouldn’t have a significant advantage or disadvantage over the rest of the competition. How in the world do you compare two shows when one airs once a week for an hour in length over the course of three months, and the other airs every weeknight for a half hour for one month? Doesn’t there have to be some sort of regulations on this other than “dramatic content”?

House: Its been nominated each of the past five years or whatever, of course it has to be nominated again this year.

Dexter: Everyone seems to rave about how phenomenal this series is. Personally I do not see it. It’s angry, lazily written and (at times) poorly acted by its supporting cast. But the masses and critics seem to enjoy it, so who am I to judge.

Now, we will concede that at least there wasn’t any Boston Legal or CSI in this field, but there just doesn’t appear to be a lot of thought put into this (like me, whose currently putting in entirely too much). They nominated whatever was popular and not too laughable to be up for award under the heading “Best Drama”.

I do not want to get into dissecting every category like this, especially since the comedic nominations actually seem legitimate (sans any nominations for Kevin Connolly or Debra Messing). But why do this every year if it’s going to be the same predictable malaise of nominees? I could have probably guessed who the Globes would nominate and hit it with about an 80% accuracy rate, and I’m a fucking idiot for caring in the first place.

Anyhow, that’s all we really have to say about any of this. If you’re curious as to who we’re going to be rooting for (and you’re assuming we care at all in the first place), obviously anything associated with Mad Men and The Office. We won’t object too critically should 30 Rock or Weeds win anything, and in the short series/television movie categories: Recount (which we liked a lot more as election season approached) and John Adams were both deserving if this is a meritocracy. We might provide some reaction to the winners when the show rolls around, but I wouldn’t count on it. It is far more rewarding to criticize without being fully informed.

But enough with this, we have high-brow series’ on the brain. Like The Survivor season finale and reunion tomorrow night. Now there is some captivating, polished and innovative television.

Sorry this is being posted so late, we were having technical issues and I had to wait until lunch to post it from home.

Alright, usually — and this has become sort of a paradox with writing for this site — we love it when there is nothing on television. To be sure, we love well-scripted and creative series probably more than anyone, but it really turns into a chore to have to churn out some snappy post while at work and looking over our shoulder to see if our employer is watching us. So even though we love it when Mad Men and It’s Always Sunny and Curb are in full swing, we are secretly regretting it at the same time. We watch every single one of these shows knowing are morning in the office will include a post full of tedious observations about what we’re currently watching which wouldn’t be so terrible if we weren’t asked to come into work everyday.

But on days when we don’t feel an obligation to recap something from the previous evening, well, it’s smooth sailing. We put out a quick links post which usually doesn’t require more than twenty minutes of our time, then kick back and relax with what’s remaining until it feels appropriate to actually work. Oh yes, we can mindlessly stare at our monitor and read gawker blogs for an extra 20-30 minutes. I’m pretty certain that’s why desk-humping cubicle jobs were invented: to cater to the indifferent masses who prefer leisure over ambition.

Still, it has only been a few days now and we’re already at a boiling point. Maybe because there’s nothing interesting going on otherwise, or maybe because the busy season seemed to come and go so quickly. Whatever it is, we’re resorting to links yet again this morning. Don’t blame us, blame the industry, who will inevitably blame the economy, and those running the economy will inevitably blame the American consumer. So, I’m sorry, but I will not be held responsible for the lack of quality on this blog when it’s clearly all your fault.

Alright, there are about 10,000 different news items and op-eds and everything else pertaining to NBC’s decision to air two hours of weekly series’ and three and a half hours of talk shows every fucking night (Leno, O’Brien, Fallon, Daly). But I will link to just this one, which Conan claims he is glad that Leno is staying at NBC, mainly because I have to imagine that Conan feels like the wind has been taken out of his sails, even if only a little. He’s set to get what many consider the dream job for any aspiring comedian, and Jay Leno goes and upstages him by accepting a job that does basically the same thing, but is also the first of its kind in prime time.

ABC is doing something rather unprecedented, they’re going to face off with the Superbowl, which is hosted by NBC this year. Most networks are reluctant to do this for fear of pissing off the NFL, but ABC’s motivation is two-fold. One, they do not have any NFL coverage anyhow, and while losing rights to the Superbowl every four years would be a considerable blow, it wouldn’t alter the network’s long term plans or anything. Two, this speaks to the relative weakness of NBC. That the network’s ratings are so pedestrian, rival networks are under the impression they can go head to head with them even when they have the Superbowl in their arsenal.

But they would be mistaken, especially with the approach ABC is taking. If you click on the above link, you will see that ABC is going to air a brief episode of Wipeout during halftime, then a full blown hour long episode during NBC’s post-game showing of The Office. Naturally, the Wipeout episode is football themed, pitting “couch potato” male sports fans against cheerleaders who’ll presumably be athletic. Actually, this might work (at least for the post-game plan, no one scoffs at The Boss), but usually when you are trying to compete directly with the pinacle of something (in this case, football), you want to attract people who aren’t interested in said thing, not attempt to claim the stragglers who may have forgotten they can watch an actual football game as opposed to some weird byproduct of it.

Ladies and gentlemen: Your 2008 Superbowl competition.

This article speculates as to why Jamie Lynn-Sigler has been making cameos on every television show that will allow her on set, from Entourage to How I Met Your Mother to SNL. My best guess would be that she decided she can’t retire at 28 or however old she is, but at the same time is finding it difficult to find a series she can call her own, and this is her campaign. While I wouldn’t mind seeing Miss Sigler with her own series, I also can’t forget that made for USA special about Heidi Fleiss. That wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement for her to appear on anything other than a series with arguably the greatest writing in the history of television.

We mentioned yesterday that Boston Legal was ending its decently long run, and little did we know that its finale was actually this past Monday. Whoops. Anyhow, apparently it ended rather unceremoniously, like most series’ do when they’re given short notice. While we occasionally bashed the series during our tenure here, it probably deserved more than a Braveheart style conclusion. Jesus ABC, if you hated the series so much why’d you keep it around for half a decade (not to mention the eight seasons of The Practice that aired before that).

And finally, a piece of good news to end the morning: The Wire and Deadwood released their DVD box sets yesterday. We should get our Wire set within the next day or so, and if television doesn’t pick up in the next few days (I have no reason to believe it would until tomorrow night, and then we’re looking at another week long dry spell), we’ll try to get around to a review of it. We aren’t buying the Deadwood set, but do intend to netflix the last two seasons at some point. See how open-minded we are?

Back with more tomorrow, hopefully something a little more eventful.

I know we said that we would bring part three of our NBC executive drama today, but of course we forgot HBO aired their original movie Recount about the debacle that was the 2000 presidential election in Florida. So we’ll have to wait until tomorrow.

In the fall of 2000 we were just starting our freshman year of college, and while we were aware of the ongoing struggle to officially determine the next president, we were preoccupied with everything that college entails other than academics. So when we say we found it insightful, if hastily thrown together and poorly executed, then you’ll understand why our opinion of it is still non-committal.

The movie revolves around essentially everyone that was integral to the process other than the two candidates. Bush and Gore are played by two mostly unseen actors with horrible approximations of their voices. We occasionally might see the side of their faces, but for the most part it’s similar to Steinbrenner on Seinfeld. We have no idea why the dialogue for those two was so generic and insipid. It makes them both look like dependent children compared to all the characters dominating the screen, that need to be hand held and guided through the process.

Presidential candidates non-portrayal aside, the acting is pretty solid. Between Spacey, Dern, Leary, Wilkinson, Balaban (who has a contractual obligation to appear in every HBO original movie, we presume) and Bruce McGill, that isn’t the problem we have with it. The shortcomings of Recount all have to do with pacing.

It probably would have worked better as a miniseries rather than an original movie. And probably would have benefited from a director not responsible for Meet The Parents, because it jumps around so frenetically and unabashedly that even settling in to actually appreciate the story they’re trying to tell requires more effort than should be necessary. Two hours isn’t a lot of allotted time to tell something so nuanced and historically, especially when a considerable chunk of time is devoted simply to character introductions. If we had to apply a tag line to a movie poster, it would be like a music video without the attractive women or music.

Our central character is Ron Klain, a recently demoted Al Gore political adviser, who begins the movie with a chip on his shoulder and is seemingly unconcerned with the outcome for his boss. It isn’t until after election day, when Michael Whouley (Leary) explains to Klain how the process of paper ballots and there inefficiency can potentially skew the outcome of an election. And motivates Klain to use this inadequacy in the US electoral process for his professional advantage.

This scene, that literally takes place in an alley behind an office building, is the highlight of the film. We are treated to a brilliant speech from Leary, whose showing his performance on Rescue Me isn’t a fluke; and a brilliant visual illustration of how paper ballots are tabulated, and the folly of the hanging chad, which is simply too stupid to fully process and take seriously. We also get a great exchange about the plural of chad (it’s chad).

This caused a national crisis.

Recount reminded us of The Wire in a lot of ways, because much of the delay in the recount process came from human error and indifference. Everyone’s just trying to get through the day to get home for dinner. The passionate few struggle to be heard while the collective carefree majority ignore their pleas. In hindsight, what was amazing is not that the recount extended for so long, but that the voices of those calling for it actually had enough influence to make it impossible for everyone to just ignore the problem. That isn’t to say ego wasn’t driving any of this. At one point, Klain even says, “I’m not even sure I like Al Gore”. With politics, as with it seems everything, nothing gets done until it effects someone who matters personally.

The political tone of the film it is definitely more sympathetic to the left. And even if all the people involved weren’t Hollywood democrats, the movie would kind of have to be in order to be taken seriously. I mean, Gore lost. They couldn’t make a movie confirming what we’ve been living with for the past eight years. There wouldn’t be any conflict and thus, no point to the movie. But when the democrats complained of an unfair negative portrayal, they weren’t necessarily being overly sensitive. In other words, Recount isn’t as biased as one might assume it to be.

Basically, I’m going to recommend the film for anyone under the age of twenty-six who was as apolitical as your average teenager in 2000, or for anyone who wasn’t following the conflict in 2000. Of course, those are probably the same people that will avoid this like the plague. But if you were politically conscious at the time and are fully aware of what a hanging chad and a dimpled voting ballot are, this probably isn’t worth your time. If you’re a democrat it’s simply going to conjure up bad memories, and if you’re a republican, it will do nothing more than put you on the defensive.

So, in short if you’re under the age of twenty-six, only recently became concerned politically or are an independent, then by all means, catch one of the 50,000 replays on HBO over the course of the next week. Otherwise, stick to FOX News or NPR or whatever echoes your worldview. Because if you’re looking at this for some sort of ideological validation, then you’re probably looking in the wrong place.

This is what happens when you rewatch an academy award winning movie instead of one of the more anticipated miniseries’ in about a decade, you have nothing to write on your website about. We saw like the first thirty minutes of it, but it was on mute as not to distract us from the riveting phone conversation we were engaged in. Anyhow, it looked stylistic if somewhat fake, and Giamatti — even with being the title character — is on screen entirely too much.

So yeah, outside of the selection show that is our weekend in a nutshell: we didn’t watch John Adams. Enthralling. We did, however, watch No Country For Old Men last night, and this is on the heels of seeing 3:10 To Yuma earlier in the week, all that is really comparable about the two is the villains. And after seeing No Country again, Antoine Chigurh makes Bud West looks like an OZ prag.

See, clearly Giamatti wasn’t that much of a miscast.

It appears not everyone is immediately giving John Adams a rave review like is usually done. This one is particularly soulless towards Giamatti, whose stock has been plummeting ever since he was integral to that Lady In The Water movie.

But hey, HBO only shelled out $100 million to see this project made, that’s hardly even considered a significant investment for a pay channel. Can someone explain the logic for HBO to invest this heavily in something when they are reliant on subscribers? Few to no people are actually going to pay for HBO as a result of a miniseries, and even if they do, conventional wisdom would suggest that it’ll be canceled two months from now when the series is done. So I guess the incentive is that those people, after being exposed to the majesty that is HBO, will have no choice but to keep the pay network, or be to lazy to cancel it, or maybe its DVD sales and awards are the motivators. Either way, I need an explanation.

If this guy’s opinion counts for anything at all, it looks like Mad Men will go over well with the Brits. There seems to be a proclivity on the other side of the pond for watching Americans wallow in despair. From what I can gather, The Wire has a pretty strong following as well. Of course, I enjoy watching both series’, which I guess would make me a self-loathing patriot. Whatever, I’m not watching 24.

The gang from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia is bringing their act to FOX in a new sitcom deal. Or rather, a portion of their act, were not certain FCC guidelines allow for a comedy about finding a dumpster baby. On the other hand, they do allow people to wreck their lives on reality television, so the excessive degree of lewdness could go either way.

To send you out on this Monday morning on a high note, it appears FNL is getting closer and closer to a deal. Good, we don’t want our Crucifictorious t-shirt to be dated before we ever wear it in public. Besides, what is Minka Kelly going to do should this series go off the air.

Slow day, back with more tomorrow.

Were back from the weekend, finally. And I have to tell you, nothing sucked the life out of me quite like that Oscar blog. I’ve lived a relatively charmed life, so when I say that’s the closest I’ve been to any sort of torture, you know I’m being serious. It’s about what I imagine being an Al-Qaeda detainee is like, except for the longterm physical abuse and potential death. But it was bad enough that we couldn’t bring ourselves to post yesterday without a specific topic, which we seldom have nowadays.

So here are a few links, the first three days of the week are turning into a mini-preseason. We gear up for writing about Survivor and The Wire by reusing and rehashing the same tired gimmicks over and over again. And though we feel as if we’ve perfected these gimmicks about a year ago, there still might be some benefit in this repetition. Not really, but that’s how we kid ourselves, and we’ll be damned if anyone can take that away from us.

The Oscar’s had their lowest rating since the inception of ratings. “Only” 32 million people tuned in, and while it’s the lowest rating since 1974, the fact that they got 32 million people to watch that tripe is impressive. How often do 32 million people ever do anything simultaneously?

If you’re looking for an endless amount of HBO teasers, well, look no further. It appears the cable network has fully embraced the glory of new media by creating their own youtube page. This is the perfect way for them to lure in non-subscribers to pay for something they probably can’t afford.

Few non-murderers/rapists disgust me more than Heather Mills, and the fact she can actually make me care about her either way I suppose is why she keeps being rewarded for her contribution to the downfall of humanity. Yes, Ms. Mills is parlaying her barely a marriage to Beatles icon Paul McCartney into a cooking show. For the love of all that is holy can she please drop off the face of the Earth?

Prison Break is pulling a Nip Tuck and moving to Miami. Well, I hope they’re moving the fucking prison as well, since the premise of the series is that someone is breaking out of it. Didn’t they ever consider the idiocy of that title if it was going to last passed one season? This fuck-up just about embodies why we rarely watch network television.

NBC is picking up a series based on the classic novel, Robinson Crusoe. We read this book for college and the fucking thing might as well have been in hieroglphyics. If they keep the same diction, we’re probably going to sit this one out.

Isn’t there a more recent novel to base an island series off of? You know, like one written in the past 280 years.

You know there is no justice in the television industry when Women’s Murder Club and Lipstick Jungle are both extended while Friday Night Lights and Arrested Development get the ax. Oh well, we suppose there is a reason your television is often referred to as an “idiot box”.

We’re somewhat hesitant to post anything about a Wire episode before we do our recap and review of it on Friday (If you haven’t seen it yet this is a huge spoiler), but Michael K. Williams has said he wished the character had stayed in Puerto Rico. From a fan standpoint we tend to agree (even though we’re not supposed to like the guy), but we consider his downfall a privilege to watch.

Oh, this is why we don’t watch any primetime television: the broadcast networks apparently do not want me too. Or, at least that’s how I interpret the airwaves being overrun with “cougars”. For those completely turned off by contemporary nomenclature (I usually am, but am unfortunately in tune with it), a “cougar” is an older woman who sleeps with a significantly younger guy, the female equivalent to the older guy who has a trophy wife. The only time we’ve found this unique or interesting is in Weeds, and the woman is a widower.

Speaking of which, Weeds apparently shares a number of similarities with Breaking Bad, a series we kind of regret missing and now it is only enhanced.

That’s it for today, we’ll try to keep to fresh tomorrow. An essay of some sort, maybe. Probably not, but maybe.

Back in the saddle. We didn’t have nearly enough cocaine left to keep us wired for the entire telecast, should it run passed the 11:30 mark.

10:00- Oprah has her own version of Brewster’s Millions on ABC, we might have to watch that just for the material.

10:02- Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen prove why their part of the elite comedy team in Hollywood presenting the award for best sound editing. It should go to No Country for that ridiculous Antoine Chigurh’s ridiculous gun, but they throw a studio film a bone and give it out for The Bourne Ultimatum. People are scared to death of that exit music.

10:04- Hill and Rogen continue the same shtick and present for best sound mixing. We have no idea what the difference is between this and editing, but we’ll trust that their is one. 3:10 To Yuma is nominated here, and as far as we know this is unbelievably its only nomination, but it as well goes to Bourne.

10:07- Presenting the award for best actress is Forest Whitaker, a year removed from his role as Idi Amin. This is a really obscure field, despite our regular and over-indulgent film attendance we’ve only seen two of these, it goes to someone named Maria Cotilliard for La Vie En Rose, the same women who was shedding tears after the win for best makeup for the same picture. Eh, no opinion one way or the other on this one.

10:18- Stewart is playing Nintendo Wii with someone when we return, and its the most exciting thing to happen since the monlogue. Colin Ferrell (who was in a borderline great movie I saw last night called In Bruges), presents the song “Falling Slowly” from Once by Glen Hansard. Another film we wanted to see but never got around to. It’s supposed to be fantastic and doesn’t fail to live up to expectations. A little overly emotive, but good all the same. I suppose seeing it in the context of the movie helps matters.

10:24- Jack Nicholson steps up to the podium with the look of a man who doesn’t want to be remembered for The Bucket List, something he really shouldn’t be too concerned with. He’s introducing another montage for best picture (we had to at least say why he’s on stage, our apologies). The titles on the montage are all left of center, so if you are unfamiliar with a movie such as The Bridge Over The River Kwai, you’d just assume it’s called “ver The River Kwai”, at least if you were an idiot. Also, it seems worth mentioning that I can’t believe some of the movies that won in the early part of the decade. It’s a good thing we were in college then and had binge drinking to distract us from the mediocrity.

10:28- Rene Zelwegger presents for best film editing. Do people winning these technical awards jump into the field saying things like, “Someday, I hope to win Oscar gold”? I’m sure some do, but the majority probably do not. Do we have to force them to take part in this spectacle? Can’t they do it off camera and condense this shindig down to two hours (at least)? Someone’s regretting a decision…

10:31- Nicole Kidman has a top on that looks like it is encrusted in diamonds. If that is indeed the case, no fewer then seventy Africans gave their lives for. Not sure if it’s worth it. Anyhow, she’s introducing another montage for lifetime achievement winner Robert Boyle. He has a scarf on that could cover the whole in the ozone. He is dapper and appreciative, amazingly the orchestra isn’t queued up to rush him off.

10:42- Stewart jokes about restarting the show, and we are so deep into a temporary depression that we couldn’t bring ourselves to laugh.

10:43- Penelope Cruz, who has never been able to lose her thick Spanish accent, is presenting the award for best foreign language film. This is the only category that 2007 failed to trump from 2006. But when you have Clint Eastwood nominated in this category, its probably never going to be trumped. The director accepts the award for The Counterfitters.

10:45- Patrick Dempsey introduces the last song nominated, it is also from Enchanted and is a romantic ballad. We’re going to go read Alan Sepinwall’s write-up on tonight’s Wire episode.

10:48-….And we’re back, John Travolta comes out to present the award for best song by dancing with one of the stage performers for the last nominee. Everyone pauses awkwardly, the gives a delayed applause. Everyone, and I mean everyone is rooting for “Falling Slowly” and wouldn’t you know? It takes the prize. Both seem flattered and are gracious, other than clearly having the best song and being European, is there a reason the crowd is so behind these two?

10:52- Luckily Stewart jokingly calls him arrogant then quickly comments on how great the moment was. Honestly, what does he have on these people?

10:57- Wow, Stewart and I’m assuming it was producer approved, brings out the female half of the “Falling Slowly” duet. These two must have some mass Hollywood orgy on tape at their apartment.

10:59- Cameron Diaz comes out looking like Chyna to present the award for best cinematography. There Will Be Blood wins appropriately. That movie literally had me mesmerized at times. It was embarrassing. Someone dumped a bag of popcorn on me and I hardly noticed. Said cinematographer says they all have Daniel Day Lewis to thank for the masterful camera work. Damn, that guy was multi-tasking like a motherfucker.

11:02- Hilary Swank introduces the in memoriam for February 1st, 2007 through January 21st of this year. Its not in alphabetical order so were guessing DOB or of death. Probably not the latter since Antonlioni pops up way too soon. Certainly not by recognizability, we’re going with DOB by the month, not year.

11:09- As of now we can think of three awards still to be handed out (Best picture, director and actor) and then we’re home free. Amy Adams, who we’d hate to think what we wouldn’t do for some face time with, presents the best original score (OK, four more). There Will Be Blood should be a shoe in, but we see it’s not even nominated and it goes to Atonement, so the young Mensch’s involved with the most questionable film up for multiple nominations don’t get completely shut out.

11:11- Tom Hanks steps up to the podium and as he does everything, introduces several soldiers from Bagdhad in a likable manner, and they present the award for best documentary short (shit, six more). It goes to two women responsible Freeheld. As always the case with documentaries, the subject matter is something the creators are unabashedly passionate about, and the woman is in tears.

11:15- Hanks presents the award for best documentary feature, and really, if King of Kong isn’t nominated then I can’t really take this seriously. We know it’s lighthearted by comparison, but is so well-executed and so humanizing (which is almost harder to do in a film about Donkey Kong than a war) that its absence is palpable. Anyhow, it goes to Taxi to The Darkside.

11:23- Harrison Ford comes out to present the award for best original screenplay (its best to not listen to any of my presumptions). Strong category, but Diablo Cody is going to win due to hype and her overwritten dialog. Naturally, maybe listening to some of my presumptions is wise. She manages to avoid saying anything like “honest to blog” while choking back tears before losing it at the tail-end of her speech. Damn it, now I feel bad about taking a couple shots at her expense.

11:29- One minute before the scheduled end of the broadcast, and they are just getting to the first of the “final three” awards that I said were to be handed out. Helen Mirren presents the award to Daniel Day-Lewis who apparently is there (though his overly humble cinematographer suggested otherwise) for best actor. What should be the strongest of categories but has three performances we’re unclear about, most notably Viggo Mortenson in Eastern Promises, when he very well could have won — much less been nominated for — A History of Violence. Anyhow, its good to know what Daniel Day-Lewis actually looks like.

11:40- Best director is presented by last year’s winner: Martin Scorcese. We’ve never understood how this award differs all that much from best picture. What about the best directing isn’t synonymous with the best movie? The nominees are almost identical to the best picture category (Diving Bell and The Butterfly replacing Atonement). No Country wins this as well, giving it three on the night, and I’d bet dollars to donuts that it wins best picture as well.

11:45- Denzel presents for best picture, he’s beginning to look like Forest Whitaker more and more everyday. Naturally, No Country takes this as well, and it is somewhat odd since they just got done intentionally giving a incredibly short but thankful and lighthearted acceptance speech for best directing, so they let another co-producer do all the talking.

That is it for the 80th Oscars. We are mercifully done. The bright side of this running long is we only have thirteen minutes until the aforementioned Wire episode is posted on demand.

I wouldn’t expect anything from us in tomorrow. Maybe some links in the afternoon.

Welcome one and all, to the 2008 Oscars. It was a particularly critically successful year for the film industry, if not commercially so. Essentially all of the films sans Juno nominated for multiple awards were overlooked by the American public. So, for better or worse, mass interest in this year’s awards season is almost non-existent. And reasonably so. Film awards are never all that enthralling and nine times out of ten they’re completely subjective. Between that, the writer’s strike and the lack of mainstream appeal, the 2008 Oscars have culminated into what feels like something everyone wants ignore (more so than usual), as opposed to the “biggest night in Hollywood”. How eventful.

But still, Jon Stewart is hosting, if we can watch an hour long interview with him on Larry King then we can watch him host an awards show, regardless of how tedious it is. Many of the films nominated are ambitious and an artistic success, and in the interest of full disclosure: we’ve seen every film up for multiple awards except for Atonement (we’re not dating anyone) and Sweeney Todd (we’ve seen enough Tim Burton movies to know what to expect from him in an adapted stage musical), so there are definite opinions and rooting interest which will most likely pepper this entire post(s).

With that in mind, feel free to comment any disagreements or petty grievances in the comments, we’ll post at almost every commercial break and probably take musical and in memoriam segments of the show off. If you want an indication of how this is going to go, here’s our recap of the 2007 Oscar’s.

8:30- Flipped in a few minutes early, Regis called Javier Bardem, “Xavier Bardem”. I guess I really have no idea how his name is pronounced (though I assume its something along the lines of Hav-ier), but this wreaks like someone is aging in front of our eyes. We’re off to a great start.

8:32- Jon Stewart’s brought out after a generic, recycled special effects montage of an introduction. Beginning his monologue with commentary on the strike goes to show that he is fully intent on being just as critical of Hollywood to Hollywood, this is why he makes this show a hundred times more watchable.

8:36- Already taking potshots at the Clinton’s, everyone laughs. Jesus, isn’t this their base?

8:39: Diablo Cody looks like she just fell off a flying carpet, and Stewart makes light of your average Oscar nominated writer’s six figure salary. Then mocks Hollywood’s virtual monolithic political views.

8:41- This isn’t as scathing as last year, but just as funny. We can’t really blame him, he would probably be pushing his luck to do the same set two years in a row.

8:42- Jennifer Garner presents the award for costume design, it goes to some cat for Eizabeth: The Golden Age, and we can’t tell you how long overdue this is. Really, we can’t. Or if she has won in the past. She manages to keep it succinct with a few simple thank yous. Any chance this becomes a trend? With untimely community deaths and a strike just in the rear-view mirror ,there’s a good chance we’re in store for a myriad of impromptu orchestra music tonight.

8:46- Clooney presents a self-aggrandizing Oscar tribute, in which the Oscar’s congratulate the Oscars for a solid four minutes of reflective clip glory. Oscars.

8:52- Anne Hathaway and Steve Carrell present the award for best Animated feature to Ratatouille, which we actually mocked pretty unapologetically during the previews because it looked so fucking ridiculous. Call it our disdain for all talking animal features or bad marketing on the part of Pixar, either way it looked like garbage. of though Carrell and Hathaway do some overacted shtick that indicates a writer’s strike before handing out the award.

8:56- Katherine Heigl has her award face on, ironically enough to present for best makeup, of which Norbit is nominated for. Just based on the fact they actually nominated it, it really should win. But they give it to two people for La Vie En Rose. Some actress that was presumably in said movie is really, really attached to this achievement, and even brushes away some tears. She’s in for a long night if her reaction is so visceral for best makeup. In fact it’s probably in her best interest not to go home with anything.

8:59- Amy Adams performs the nominated song from Enchanted. We’ve come a long way from Cruel Intentions 2, baby. I’m sure this is a helluva performance, but I’m watching it with Junebug in mind.

9:06- Stewart compares The Rock to Ellen Page…we think its pretty similar. Anyhow, Johnson is presenting for best visual effects, Golden Compass is nominated, and it has wise polar bears, so of course it wins. This crowd probably has nothing but contempt for Michael Bay, so if you thought Transformers was going to win, think again.

9:10- Cate Blanchett, every girls girl crush after Angelina Jolie, as I like to refer to her, gives out the award for best art direction and set decoration to Sweeney Todd. Two Italians responsible for The Aviator win and are rushed of the stage post-haste. Coincidentally, Blanchett won best supporting actor for her role in the Scorcese movie, they don’t seem to know each other.

9:14- Another montage of best supporting actor winners. It seems unnecessary. Jennifer Hudson presents the award to Javier Bardem in what is otherwise a competitive field, but no one else stood a chance. That guy essentially played the devil incarnate and did so convincingly. Seriously, I cried myself to sleep the night I saw that film. Hoffman, Casey Affleck, Hal Holbrook (who was great in Into The Wild but had maybe twenty minutes of screen time) and Tom Wolfinson all turned in worthy performances. Like I said earlier, a really good year for the film industry. Bardem gives the second half of his acceptance speech in Spanish (directed at his mother), way to rope in the fly-over states, man.

9:24- Keri Russell presents the second performance for best song for Raise It Up. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this a You Got Served type film? What’s with the slow ballad? I wants to see some steppin’! All I know is, this is no “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp”.

9:29- Owen Wilson, who I’m going to refrain from making any jokes about, presents the award of Best Live Action Short Film to Le Mozart Des Pickpokets. We might be mistaken, but we think its foreign. The recipient couldn’t speak English and he resorted to his native tongue (French?) as well, but it could all be a ruse.

9:31- Jerry Seinfeld continues his inevitable plunge into obscurity by showing up in digital animation Bee Movie form presenting for best animated short to two people for Peter and The Wolf. Some co-recipient says it is “for everyone”. Really? That’s kind of strange, because you seem to be clutching it pretty tightly.

9:34- Another montage, this recognizing best supporting actress nominees and we’re going to just quit mentioning them. Alan Arkin hands out this year’s award to Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton. This was also a strong category, and if we said we weren’t rooting for Amy Ryan ( Beadie on The Wire) for her role in Gone Baby Gone, then we’d be lying. Swinton is warranted though, she certainly gave the most nuanced performance, particularly in her final scene.

9:43- Back from commercial and oh my God we’re only one hour through this thing. We’re going to need a Roger Clemens type B-12 shot to make it through this and expect to watch The Wire’s penultimate episode on demand.

9:44- Enough bitching, Jessica Alba is presenting the award for all the scientific technical awards to several people. Everyone pretends to know what she is talking about.

9:45- Good lord, Stewart is delivering well. Few can so comfortably rip on Alba, Blanchett and Nicholson all in one breath.

9:46- James Brolin and I think James McAvoy presents for best adapted screenplay to the Coen brothers for No Country For Old Men. Seems fitting, but if you read the book then you would know that Tommy Lee Jones’ final scene is also a part reflection on his time at war, and they completely abandon the war backstory in the film.

9:49- Some guy I recognize but cannot put a name to is talking about the academy selecting process. It’s interesting, sort of. But unworthy of recapping or mocking. So we’ll just grab some sustenance, which is becoming all the more imperative.

9:53- A half Asian woman is presenting the third performance for best song, also from Enchanted, it is dfamn fucking weird and we refuse to believe this was one of the five best songs from a movie this year. To top it off, the lead singer bares a striking resemblance to Amy Poehler, so it’s all the more difficult to take seriously.

We’re going to set up a different post for the second half, just go to the home page and it will be up top.

So, is there a more appropriate post to do the day after the Superbowl? I really can’t think of anything relevant outside of the game. Speaking of which, and we don’t want to complain too much, we won a bundle of money last night and enjoyed it thoroughly, but after watching thirty seconds of the Puppy Bowl on Animal planet, the latter clearly had better production values then the former. I mean, they had a camera on the bottom of the water bowl. This is the Animal Planet equivalent of the Card Cam in poker. A freaking camera! We all get to look the puppies in the eye as they are enjoying their sustenance. Man, that is genius.

This pretty much summarizes the three hour telecast, it’s very sophisticated.

As far as commercials went, we thought they were vastly improved on recent years. A lot of talking animals though. Seriously, it was like a fucking Pixar movie. Maybe ad executives looked at how much money those movies regularly bring in, then hoped the same theory would translate to televised advertising, because the abundance of non-sentients verbally exchanging opinions and emotions was hard to not notice. Anyhow, we liked the one with the baby and the hired clown, though we can’t remember what product or service was being hawked, so we’re not sure how effective it was. That award goes to the Career Builder ad where the woman’s heart literally jumped out of her body and handed in her walking papers in hopes of a more altruistic career path. In fact, it served as nightmare fuel.

Some links:

Jeffrey Tambor (aka George Bluth) has now joined Jason Bateman on the campaign, blazing a trail for the Arrested Development movie to be made. I’m giddy, but also realistic, because all of these actors opinions are only good for verifying that they’d be willing to participate. Nothing gets made until Mitchell Hurwitz decides he wants to make it. Considering he was part of the reason the deal with Showtime was shutdown, we’re still only cautiously optimistic.

We are inching closer to the writer’s strike concluding, we kind of don’t care about the details so we didn’t read the article. But still, if this means FNL can pick up where it will leave off this Friday in a couple months, then we are all for it. Speaking of which, after a disappointing episode, they really stepped up their game and delivered what’s definitively the best episode of the second season this past Friday. Seriously, that was vintage season one FNL, the reasons everyone in the small but loyal fan base became so devoted to it in the first place were exemplified three nights ago.

Even with the news of a pending agreement, talks were postponed until after the Superbowl. To which we ask: Who gives a shit? They canceled Sunday school when I was younger for the Superbowl (we used to question the validity of this since we never got off for the NBA all-star game) and it was always a letdown in the mid-90’s. But that was irrelevant, because it’s virtually a national holiday at this point regardless of what some might consider the pervasive elements that surround it, and its place in the cultural landscape is undeniable. If people put matters of faith on hold for it, then it really shouldn’t come as any surprise when a gaggle of millionaires set business aside on a fucking Sunday.

This is probably it for today, back with something similarly non-descriptive tomorrow.

Great weekend of television. Or rather, a great weekend of football with a couple good series’ on. So many people are skeptical of the McNulty development on The Wire and I’m just not understanding the knee-jerk reactions. We are five minutes into his caper and already people have voiced discontent over its fallacy. How it’s any more farcical than Hamsterdam this website will never understand, but it provides an excellent way for the media to become intrinsically instead of peripherally involved in this season’s arc, and that is what they’ve been so far to the commercial viewer: a distraction to the characters we’ve come to know and love.

Also this weekend Bill Maher’s show returned. This website doesn’t claim any political affiliations in fear of losing half of its already minimal audience, but watching one party set up a forum to verbally berate a single member of the other party is always enjoyable. Maher now brings in some guy from Rolling Stone he refers to as a field reporter or some shit, just to pile on whichever republican has shown up for his medicine. This week it was Tony Snow, who despite still recovering from Chemo treatments stood tall against the semi hate-fueled panel and audience. Seriously, regardless of which side of the aisle you happen to land on, you had to admit being impressed. Then again, debating politics with Marc Cuban probably isn’t a daunting task for a former press secretary. Simply put, if he’s the Dallas Mavericks then Helen Thomas is the San Antonio Spurs.

The Golden Globes took place last night. Not an actual awards show because those who would have scripted it would have been outside protesting its very existence. And since we had absolutely no idea it was taking place, we were surprised to see it being hosted on NBC with two, two person “panels” going back and forth talking vapidly about the winners and nominees in the name of killing time. It was a strange broadcast, and since they were doing much more succinct shows on E! and CNN (NEWS!), we couldn’t really fathom why any one would watch it.

Anyhow, while we were somewhat intrigued by who won, we weren’t too adamant about it since the nominees were so random, at least in the television categories. How can you hold an awards show for television and leave The Sopranos completely off the docket, sans Edie Falco? We have no idea, either. Never the less, it was good to see Mad Men garner recognition for best drama and best actor, for a series that should appeal to everyone with a brain over the age of twenty, maybe it will grow on its already large (cable) audience. Extras taking home best comedy series didn’t come as a surprise since foreign press essentially means European press. But the win was warranted, and we can’t recall Ricky Gervais’ sophomore series being recognized in any awards capacity to date.

Because of the strike, Gervais managed to avoid all public embarrassments.

A few gripes, namely David Duchovony getting the win for best comedic actor when his series is hardly a comedy. This seemed like a novelty to have him nominated in the first place, and I think we all kind of assumed it was Alec Baldwin’s to lose, or even Ricky Gervais or Steve Carell. For a field as loaded as this one was, seeing the guy from The X-Files win because his show is new kind of cheapens the already cheap award show. Also, we were pulling for Mary-Louise Parker (finally saw the third season premiere of Weeds this weekend, it was…chaotic) in the best comedic actress but can’t argue too staunchly against Tina Fey.

That was the weekend in a nutshell. We’ll try and return this afternoon with something worthwhile.

Alright, I have managed to calm down after getting alarmingly inebriated, sexually harassing three female coworkers, beating my boss mercilessly with his own desk chair, passing out, waking up in a jail cell, having bail set and processing when my fed up girlfriend generously went into her own pocket to spring me from my cage. Seven hours later I am back to summarize my thoughts on the rest of the Emmy field, only unemployed and with a splitting headache that would stop an elephant in its tracks. When I am finished with this I have every intention of flying to Vegas, putting all my money on black and being back home with triple my current net worth for a late dinner and in time to watch the Mad Men pilot on AMC at 9pm et (which we will have a review for tomorrow).

(See, anyone can write for 24, you just need to expedite everything in a comedically short amount of time, and do it all with a straight face).

Truth be told, I did find a lot of sanity in the comedy nominations. Though still need to vent about FNL, which was passed over for every acting and writing category. There just isn’t much logic in many of these nominees. Connie Brittion and Kyle Chandler should have both been locks to lose to Edie Falco and James Gandolfini. In the earler post I concurred with Leary’s nomination for best actor, but he was an afterthought when compared to Chandler, who’s portrayal of conflicted, honorable yet flawed high school football coach Eric Taylor, was an acting clinic when compared to the usual swill that is on the broadcast networks. It sure as hell was better than Leary’s third season of Rescue Me, which for the first half of seemed primarily concerned with how many different sex positions Leary could simulate.

Everyone raves about the two leads on FNL, but there is a slew of supporting talent that went unrecognized. Gaius Charles playing the troubled NFL hopeful running back in Brian “Smash” Williams, who spent an entire season bouncing back and forth between Smash the public persona and Brian the well-intentioned but misguided teenager. Or Scott Porter (Jason Street) or Adrianna Palicki (Tyra Collette) or Zack Gilford (Matt Saracen) or Jesse Plemons (Landry)… the list is endless. Maybe its like in heisman voting, when two players from the same school are viable candidates, but they split their region’s votes, and end up cancelling each other out because another player from a diffrerent part of the country was unanimous in his region. Either way, I just felt the need to vent.

But yeah, the comedy portion we have much more laudatory opinions on. If you just take a gander at the best supporting actor category, which features Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute), Jeremy Piven (Ari Gold) and Kevin Dillon (Johnny Drama) are all nominated and all prominent roles on series we watch here, in addition to Neal Patrick Harris for his work on How I Met Your Mother, we have a pool of four strong candidates. And it really should be five, as Alec Baldwin is not a leading role and should replace Jon Cryer in this category, but he submitted himself as a lead, so, what can you do? Ego trumps logic, though his field is equally as competitive as well, going up against Steve Carrell and Ricky Gervais.

Also, Jenna Fischer was nominated for her work as Pam Beasly on The Office, Martin Landau was nominated for best guest actor on Entourage and the best comedy field is pretty stiff competition as well, even though we only watch two of them and one of the nominees is Two and a Half Men.

Really, all the comedy nominations did was enlighten us as to how little comedy we have watched recently around here. All the people we wanted to see nominated and had a realistic shot of doing so, were. Otherwise the comedies we have enjoyed over the past few years have either been cancelled (AD), were on hiatus (Curb) or I would have been deluding myself to think they stood a chance in hell (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Extras, South Park).

So there you have it folks, your 2007 Emmy nominees. With little to no objectivity exhibited in these two posts so far, let me wish the fine people of Grey’s Anatomy and Boston Legal the best of luck on Emmy night.