Grid Effect

A few more links to close out the week. It’s kind of absurd how top-heavy our TV viewing is: Two series’ on Sunday, one on Monday and one on Tuesday, then nothing Wednesday-Saturday; and that’s likely not going to change anytime soon. I hate the site being so monolithic and then just changing pace for the second half of the week, but we’re not dictating the terms ’round here. Unless something unusual arises, expect this pace on Grid Effect to continue until It’s Always Sunny starts up.

Onto some links…

Here’s Jeremy Piven saying “fuck” on CNN’s web site. Oh no, someone cursed on the interwebs? What’s happened to us?! Anyways, I’d expect a media shitstorm over this if he had been on, say, Larry King or something equally reputable; because he’s Jeremy Piven and everyone hates his guts these days. But not even the most sanctimonious prick can get worked up about someone cursing on a streaming internet video. Please tell me I’m right about this.

Big news coming out of HBO’s media day or whatever it’s called in television. To summarize, Hung, True Blood and Entourage were all renewed (no surprise considering that all three of them are dramatically moving the dial), Treme isn’t going to premiere until August, and a second season of Life and Times of Tim is in production stages but they haven’t decided where to schedule it. The two series’ that are still waiting to hear where they stand: The Ladies No. 1 Detective Agency and Flight of The Conchords.

The latter of which is likely to come back for a third season, though I didn’t even realize they were seeking a renewal. Last I heard, –and kind of just assumed because the series ended with Bret and Jemaine doing a “Stomp” like rendition in New Zealand– they were undecided if they wanted to do a third season, since I don’t think they ever regarded themselves as TV people, as evidenced by Bret Mackenzie’s non-satirical band, The Black Seeds. At least I think it isn’t satire.

Heard this in Breaking Bad episode, “4 Days Out”; season two, episode nine. Turns out it goes well with a montage for cooking meth.

For those who actually give a shit (read: the pitiable and disenfranchised), John and Kate return next week, and Kate’s going to don a bikini at some point. Great! Even more reason not to watch. They need to make more of an effort to render this show unwatchable, if just to save us from Satan’s embrace.

Larry David said that the Seinfeld cast members will appear sporadically throughout the upcoming season, scheduled to premiere on September 20th. He said it’s possible that they’ll touch on Michael Richards’…incident at The Laugh Factory from a couple years ago. I don’t really see how they can miss an opportunity like this if Larry is still living with the Blacks. It was almost tailer-made for him to put into a television show.

Here’s a study profiling average usage in cable, and reportedly 22% of us are substituting online viewing for it, either cutting back on costs or canceling it altogether. What a revelation. I never would have thought that when you made the exact same viewing experience available through other mediums at a discounted rate, people would actually take advantage of it.

And finally, it has been reported…I don’t know how many times, but I can’t recall if we ever brought it up or not: you will not see fictional Ray Drecker’s fictional penis anytime soon on Hung. I understand this is a big disappointment or relief for a lot of you, and to both parties I would like to say that you’re the reason I never feel bad when I don’t leave my house all weekend. I guess I should thank you for the excuse.

Have a good weekend, we’ll be back on Monday with the standard recaps.

My apologies for not posting yesterday, but I woke up feeling like I got my ass kicked in a bar last night while shit-faced. My back was preventing me from walking, my head from thinking and my stomach from eating; long story short, it was a tremendously long day for getting out of bed at 1PM. I guess it makes sense given that we referred to a new links post on Tuesday as “long overdue“, given that we were too incapacitated to actually post them yesterday morning. I feel like Walter White minus the cancer and double life, which is to say flat out miserable.

If you weren’t angry enough at the world for already being a smoldering ball of chemicals on a fast track to hell, then I have some bad news for your insufferable perky optimism: Lauren Conrad’s bullshit “novel” could end up being optioned for a film. Which struck me as strange because isn’t her book based on her life, which has already been made into a TV show? Christ, I hope I never have any daughters if this is the consumerism that drives the demographic.

In attractive woman that I still respect news, Gabrielle Union has joined the cast of the upcoming NBC series FlashForward. She’ll play a lawyer with a romantic interest on a show that turns two words into one…On second thought I take back my initial assessment, but she’s still insanely beautiful so it doesn’t really matter.

Here’s a concise synopsis of the AMC party that supposedly took place after they premiered the first episode of Mad Men’s third season. I have to tell you, if I was to attend any circle-jerk Hollywood event it would probably be this one. From what it sounds like everyone is rather amiable and these are without a doubt the two best projects in television or film. Yes, film industry, you’ve officially been surpassed by television in regards to inspiring, original content.

This seems like a good time for me to do my weekly pimping of Breaking Bad, and point you in the direction of the mini-episodes they put out in after their strike shortened first season and before the kick in the balls second. For the most part they’re pretty mundane and aren’t necessarily representative of the greatness of the series, but the mini-episode entitled, “The Break In”, is a real knee-slapper and is emblematic of the dark humor displayed on the series.

Here’s some snippets of the Joan Rivers Roast set to premiere August 9th on Comedy Central (where else has a roast aired in the past 10 years?). I always tune into these for Greg Giraldo, because his career is so ridiculously overlooked that you can always bank on him to be at these things, and he always kills. As does most everyone else given the chance at the podium. And while I don’t tend to like Joan Rivers (entirely too superficial work detail for me to take seriously, I also resent anyone being a harbinger of fashion), she can give as good as she gets.

Speaking of Joan Rivers, she, much like about, say, 50% of the country, takes the legitimacy of Jay Leno’s career quite personally. I don’t understand why this guy is so hard for everyone who hates him to ignore, but it is proving quite daunting. And the fact that Conan is now losing to Letterman on a regular basis seems to only fuel the flames of resentment. We never enjoyed Leno’s comedy either, but it certainly isn’t keeping us up at night.

ESPN’s upcoming documentary series, 30 for 30, has added more directors to its arsenal. I can’t emphasize enough how much I’m looking forward to this. For the uninitiated, under the suggestion from Bill Simmons, ESPN grabbed (or is currently grabbing) 30 filmmakers to put together a small documentary about a pivotal (sometimes obscure, sometimes not) sporting event since their inception in 1979 (that’d be thirty years). You can see the full list of what they have completed so far, personally we’re looking forward to “The Trial of Allen Iverson”, if for no other reason that it feels like we might get a Zapruder-like film out of it.

In its ongoing quest to make mincemeat out of supposed “new king of pay cable ever since Sopranos went off the air” Showtime, Diane Keaton has signed onto her own HBO comedy about a feminist icon. Because we all know how humorous feminists tend to be. I kid, of course, because while this probably isn’t something I’ll watch more than once (I even watched the first three episodes of Carinvale, so I’m probably too easy when it comes to HBO), there is definitely an untapped market for it. And in all likelihood HBO will be true to form, and knock this out of the fucking park.

As you probably heard, Ben Silverman has finally been ousted as NBC’s Entertainment President. This was probably long overdue. Even though I personally watch(ed) more on NBC than any other network for the past five years and counting, the ratings are in the tank, they have way too many series’ open to horrendous reviews and even worse Nielsen’s, not to mention all the desperate attempts at remakes. Sorry, man, but The Office, 30 Rock and FNL will only carry an entire broadcast network so far.

And finally, below is the trailer for the upcoming season of Dexter. We’ve made our feelings quite clear about this show, and the trailer contains much of what we find redundant about it, but I’ll be damned if this series isn’t tailer-made to produce an anticipatory montage, which is probably why they were able to get over three minutes out of it. Most TV spots run roughly under a minute, but most series’ aren’t about a charming sociopath who brutally disembowels and murders other serial killers, because that’s just how he was raised.

Back tomorrow with more links, I imagine.

Just a few quick links to close out the short week at Grid Effect. It’s not like it really matters, we never post anything interesting here half the time anyways. Also, since this is a links post let me get this started in the introductory paragraph: Breaking Bad’s second season is available on Amazon online, I highly recommend it after you watch the first season. It may seem like I’m talking abou this series too often these days, but it’s really just making up for lost time. I don’t think there’s anything you can watch on television that’s more worthy of your time than these DVD’s. Unless you take pleasure in watching So You Think You Can Dance, in which case I can’t help you.

Onto the links…

Lie To Me, which is amazingly still on the air, nabbed Erika Christensen for their…next…season? I don’t care enough to read but that has to be the gist of it. Anyhow, if you don’t know who Erika Christensen is it’s probably because you follow current film and television, and she hasn’t been in anything since the blockbuster Swimfan, which took the world  by storm with its acerbic wit and originality…I’m just kidding, it’s a steaming pile of cliched horseshit that shouldn’t have ever been made in the first place. But she did give a promising turn in Traffic, but that was seven or eight years ago. And now she’s in Lie To Me. I think everything’s gone according to plan.

Brooke Burns has landed a role on the apparently vaunted yet detestable and discouraging Melrose Place, because CUPWNB or whatever the network is going by these days is the epitome of class, and Brooke Burns reflects that reputation. She the star of such shows as North Shore and the host of Dog Eat Dog, I think we can all agree she’s earned this. I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to know that this woman will probably make more money in the next calendar year than I will in the next twenty. Really brightens my day. Also landing a role on CW’s remake of a former hit television show? Kelly Carlson. Here she is below doing some of her finer work on Nip Tuck.

I don’t know how many of you watched The Daily Show, and more specifically how many of you watched it on Monday night, but Jon Stewart’s interview with Brian Williams was about the funniest thing I’ve seen on television since The Office went off the air (sorry Weeds, Entourage and every other “dramedy” we may have mentioned along the way). The writer seems to think the conversation was part of some ongoing, unknown riff between the comedian and nightly news host, I think it was just two decent friends (good acquaintances?) breaking balls, or whatever the nomenclature is these days. But I’m just a lowly blogger and Dave Itzkoff writes for the Times. Just go with your gut on this one.

And finally, it looks like AMC is breaking out the big, ineffective guns to boost Mad Men’s third season, much like they did for the second which scored them such paltry ratings that AMC couldn’t find it in their heart to throw the bank at Matthew Weiner. Which is unusual since this is the best and most critically acclaimed series on television. I can sort of understand this, fans of Mad Men can be pretty insufferable. If half the people I know who watch Mad Men had recommended it to me before I bothered to watch it on my own, I’d probably steer clear of it as well, since 90% of the time the first thing they talk about is either style/set design. Both are the best you’ll find in film or television, but a series it does not make. Honestly, give it a rest, average Mad Men fan. I get it, the style is almost impeccably reflective of the era, but it’s a hat/living room/Sunday dress. Nothing more, nothing less. I can find one online and buy it for you, if you promise to shut the hell up about it.

Alright, back on Monday with the current standard recapping schedule.

A couple follow-up notes to my hurried yet entirely too long Emmys post yesterday before we get to some fairly paltry links. First, it didn’t really shock us, but I find it hard to believe that any group of people could sit down, watch something like Friday Night Lights and follow it up with something like, say…Burn Notice, or Saving Grace, and tell you honestly that the latter two were better than the former. I just can’t comprehend it. Secondly, Family Guy? Why have seven nominations if we’re delving into this territory. Its not going to win. Is it? No, it has to go to 30 Rock because of all the writing nominations.

On the heels of the news they’re releasing their first animated series, FX announces plans to develop a sitcom revolving around a fantasy football league. We’re obviously going to watch this given our proclivity for fantasy football, and our opinion of it going in would be considerably diminished if it was on any other network (save for AMC and HBO); but still: a comedy about a fantasy football league? Did I come up with this when I was 20? Either way, it looks like they’re coupling it It’s Always Sunny, so if it takes on the same crass tone we have higher hopes. But it sounds kind of hackneyed, like something we’d see on ESPN following Playmakers. Guess ESPN films was slow to the draw on this one.

Kristen Bell has asked to make a cameo on Gossip Girl. I think of all the shows and actors and actresses I don’t care about, I probably talk about Kristen Bell the most. But this is particularly unique because I don’t think I’ve ever posted about Gossip Girl or anything related to the CW or  or UPN or WB or whatever that network is called these days. Such is the power of the opportunity to hunt for Kristen Bell photos/youtube videos. What?

The ESPY’s were taped last night, and I’m not sure if this is something that anyone has ever cared about but it does seemed to have increased in noteriety. That fact, to me, epitomizes to me what’s wrong with celebrity obsession and entertainment these days. The American public, by and large used to scoff at these types of events (Emmys and Oscars always have and always will draw a crowd), but now they make headlines and people pay attention to the red carpet non-antics of the  fucking ESPY’s!

Here’s an article out of Vanity Fair asking if Americans are stupid enough to elect reality TV stars. I’m going to say that in 99% of cases, being on a reality TV de-qualifies you from ever running for office. But at the same time, there isn’t anything inherent about reality television that makes it this the case, it’s what networks do with it. The article makes the mistake of conflating Randall Pinkett, some guy who won The Apprentice, with every reality star gracing our airwaves. I think there’s a far cry from Pinkett –who’s a Rhodes Scholar and has a rap sheet of professional experience– and the fifth place finisher on I Love New York or New York herself (I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I am to know “New York” is some skank’s handle and not a reference to the city or state). Not that The Apprentice is a noble endeavor, but it used to require that participants had real world practice, whereas your standard cable reality show seeks people who have as little as possible.

And finally, I haven’t touched on the Jon & Kate saga too much, because it’s so remarkably uninteresting (romantic partners squabbling! What a unique concept!), but this article speculates on whether or not Jon’s new girlfriend is using him for his fame. Whoa, whoa, whoa; hold on, you’re telling me that everything every woman does isn’t completely wholesome and absent of malice, and that includes women who surround themselves with reality TV stars? My world is sufficiently rocked. You take it back Us Magazine! You take it the fuck back!

Probably some more links later in the day.

No television to recap and that’s kind of a good thing. For how irregularly we post on this site yesterday was a fucking marathon. Here are a few links, because we have nothing else to write about. Sorry, we didn’t watch Rescue Me last night, I was too busy losing another basketball game. We only lost by fourteen this time, that’s a considerable improvement over the 98-54 drubbing from the week before. Seriously, we’re like the fucking Bad News Bears out there. That’s probably why I’m mailing it in today, I’m fucking depressed that a fourteen point loss is a good news.

For all you hopeless romantics out there, I have some bad news: David Alan Grier is getting divorced. I would make a “if these kids can’t make it, what hope is there for the rest of us” joke, but honestly,  if the star of Little Man can’t hold a marriage together, we might as well all just give up. What a tragic day this was when it broke last Thursday. I almost feel like I knew about it at the time.

Some endeavors weren't as successful as others.

Well, if nothing else, HBO’s upcoming Jack Kevorkian biopic is going to have as strong of a cast as any HBO original in ever made: first Al Pacino and now Susan Sarandon and John Goodman. Sarandon’s a good actress but her and her non-husbands reactionary politics drive me fucking crazy. Goodman, on the other hand, is probably one of my favorite character actors around. Ever since Dan Connor and Walter Sobchak he gets a pass for life. And if you don’t know who those characters are, then we can’t be friends.

Richard Hatch’s request to be let out of prison in time for another Survivor reunion has been denied. How long was his sentence? Is this starting to seem excessive to anyone else? For the time he got he might as well have tried to rob a bank. Maybe since I never saw what a prick he was in the two season’s he’s already competed in I want to see him out of prison. It seems like anyone would since it’s, you know, a game show. But some people apparently become incensed by these things.

Take a good look, because it's the last time she'll be on this site for awhile.

It’s amazing and refreshing to see how open Friday Night Lights is with their “spoilers”. Here you can read descriptions and motives of four new characters for the upcoming fourth season that wasn’t supposed to ever take place. To be honest, I hate how these descriptions read, but I generally hate reading anything sincere, so don’t listen to my interpretation of it. I’m embarrassed enough that I enjoy watching the show.

Reason number 523,476 I can’t stand what American television is slowly devolving into: tourists in LA are going in droves to reality television locales. I don’t care if it’s because they’re with kids who want to see where The Hills stars hang out or if they know people on any of these shows or if they’re drooling morons, I can’t think of a single solitary reason to regard anything described in that article as being an attraction to someone on vacation. For fuck’s sake, hit up Hermosa beach or go to a sporting event or any of the plethora of options there are for someone visiting LA.

FX picked up prime time animated series Archer, which is basically satire on the world a James Bond inhabits (trailer here). FX continues to be the best basic cable network for original programming in terms of quality, availability and options. AMC’s series’ are better, but with only two of them in rotation it’s hard not to give the nod to FX.

And finally, despite what I may think about True Blood and the Entourage season premiere, it looks like HBO is back on top of the original programming world (note: it isn’t basic cable), at least in terms of ratings. I’m not sure if its quite surpassed Showtime in quality (we still like Weeds and as stated ad nauseum before, Dexter is incredibly flawed but has some great energy and uniqueness), , I think we might have to wait until Curb returns and Treme premieres, but at least they’re in the conversation.

Back tomorrow, probably with more links.

Here’s a few links to end the day. We wanted to get to it before tomorrow but we’ve watched the first three seasons of Dexter because we’ve been completely and utterly bored for the past three weeks. And we plan on going through every single shortcoming and limitation that the series offers, so be sure to tune in for that. I won’t say I hated everything about it, but with the exception of Lost it is by far and away my least favorite critically acclaimed scripted series (24 is in the running as well).

So yeah, if you never get tired of listening to us complain about why something isn’t better than it is, come on by tomorrow. Until then, here are some news items.

Here’s a new trailer for the upcoming season on Sons of Anarchy. Have we decided if this show is any good or not? And how is it good? Is Wire good (with complex plots and sound character structure) or Lost good (with brainless storylines and easy twists that rarely payoff)? Either way, I feel like I should know more about Sons of Anarchy than I do, but I haven’t seen anything to reel me in, including this trailer.

Doug Ellin says of the new season of Entourage, which premieres this upcoming Sunday, that the characters begin to evolve this year. He says he wanted to reinvent the show without changing, which is a complete fucking oxymoron, because I’m pretty sure that when you reinvent something it changes quite a bit. I can’t turn a fan into a garbage disposal, but if I could I’m pretty sure it would be considered “changed”. Because it would dispose of garbage instead of providing a cool breeze in a warm room. Illiteracy aside, Doug Ellin saying the characters will “grow” should be a good sign for anyone who wanted Entourage to turn into something substantive, which I don’t think it was ever supposed to be. Still, if it gets us away from episodes like “Tree Trippers“, us apologists will be all the better for it.

My interest is piqued.

Here’s Jimmy Fallon performing at the White House for a fourth of July celebration for veterans and their families. He’s mildly awkward but affable and just does what Jimmy Fallon tends to do these days: endear people to him. We’re more interested in the fact that Michelle Branch was there, because where did she go and did she take Norah Jones and every other brunette vocalist from that two year period with her?

I’m pretty sure the Shakespeare wrote the phrase, “Methinks the lady doth protest too much” specifically for people and entities like NBC, who are once again pimping their ratings. This time it’s with The Tonight Show. I don’t know why anytime they score a decent Nielsen they feel the need to send out a fucking press release about it, but it’s starting to get embarrassing. As much as it pains me to say, CBS doesn’t have time to let the world know every time they get a hit show. That should probably tell them somethng.

This is why I was concerned about Schwarzenegger winning the Governorship in California: first Al Franken gets elected to the Senate, now Alec Baldwin is contemplating running for Congress (and makes the announcement in Playboy). It’s bad enough that politicians seem to prioritize being famous and cult of personality over policy and efficacy, now they’ve diverted so far away from the goal that the people they’re trying too ill-advisedly trying to emulate are taking their jobs.

If you’re a fan of Dollhouse –and lord knows there’s dozens of you– here’s a scene from the “lost” episode. I didn’t watch it because I’m not interested in or intrigued by Dollhouse, but I like the idea of not airing a television show for business reasons then calling it “lost”. I think other corporations should enforce this policy, like when McDonald’s brings the McRib back, they should call it the “lost McRib”, because no one really knows what happened to it. Though I don’t think there’s a marketing gimmick in existence that could make me eat a McRib or watch a lost or found episode of Dollhouse.

And finally, the Michael Jackson memorial could have been watched by roughly a billion people. I have no idea how this shit is measured on an international scale, but I completely believe it. This basically puts Michael Jackson’s death on par with the World Cup, an international event between two countries vying for the title of best nation of the most popular sport in the world. If anything, that’s the legacy that Michael Jackson leaves: some kid from Gary, Indiana becomes the most famous yet controversial entertainer the world has seen.

Back tomorrow with the Dexter hammering and a nightly preview.

Few notes before we get to the links. First off, we’re not going to be posting twice today like we suggested yesterday. For whatever reason, it alluded us that this is 4th of July weekend and we have a myriad of friends and family in town. So, consider this our last post until the sixth.

Secondly, we finished watching Breaking Bad’s strike shortened first season last night and holy shit, what an unbelievable series thus far. We’ve expressed our adulation for it earlier this week, but Bryan Cranston has somehow improved in the role and is deserving of any accolades that come his way. This is just my opinion but he trumps Jon Hamm for alpha-male of AMC. I’ve always lauded Hamm’s performance, but never really thought he was doing anything we haven’t seen before. I can’t say the same for Cranston, whose demonstrating as much range as any actor on television. I’ve even come around on Aaron Paul, who we weren’t too fond of in the first three episodes but has come into his own, and the rapport between him and Cranston is approaching that of Wendell Pierce and Dominic West on The Wire.

You can tell the series was adversly effected by the writer’s strike, as things we’re going at a snail’s pace for the first four episodes and just accelerated in the last two. We managed to go from Walter opting out of chemo and the drug game, to selling pounds of meth and accepting treatment. There haven’t been any significant leaps of faith except for maybe Pinkman’s enlightenment into the finer points of cooking, but that is a minor squabble. After just seven episodes, we’re ready to put this one on the mantle with Mad Men. The writing, the pacing, the stories and side characters and subtle humor and poignant dramatic moments all are executed impeccably.

It’s a damn shame we’ve been recapping Weeds instead of this, but we’ve come to realize we have a difficult time watching two different drama series’ back-to-back and this followed The Wire episodes, “Not For Attribution”. Naturally, it’s AMC’s fault for premiering their groundbreaking new series while the best drama of all time that regularly attracted less than one million viewers was in its final season. As long as someone else is being blamed for this travesty that isn’t me, that’s how I role.

Onto the links.

We've posted this before, but it warrants the extra attention.

Kristen Bell says she doubts that a Veronica Mars film will ever be made. I don’t really care. I’m not even sure I know what a Veronica Mars is. It could be a candy bar for all I know, but it presents the very appealing option of posting this picture off to the left, and that’s an opportunity we simply couldn’t pass up. Not to say she isn’t a good actress or that we should count Veronica Mars against her, but let’s be honest, no one is going to complain about that picture, either.

In other impossibly attractive women news, for all who like Sloane on Entourage: she’s going to be featured a lot more than she has been the past couple seasons. This is a great development for the eye candy quotient, as it’s been waning in the past couple years. But the show has been accused a number of times for rehashing the same material over and over and over again (a charge I can’t really refute, but I think it’s cyclical like just about everything else on television). Eh, this upcoming season is the one that could really tip the scales on our perennial waffling with this series, we might have to quit apologizing for it.

It’s official, Neil Patrick Harris is the host of the 2009 Emmys. Is it customary for a potential nominee to double as a host for an awards show? I hate to respond to a question with a question, but I believe the correct answer is, “who cares?” I’m fine with the choice even though I’m not completely on board with his cult following. They could have and certainly have done a lot worse.

And finally, upon the news that Al Franken has finally won the senate seat in Minnesota, the question arises of who is going to play him on SNL? Have we had a good impression on SNL since Darrell Hammond left (question: Has Darrell Hammond left SNL?). That show isn’t exactly stacked with Mike Miejers’ and Phil Hartman’s these days. In that respect I guess it really doesn’t matter. I’m sure it will be hilarious when someone comes onto stage and begins screaming insanely as their Franken impression.

Alright, that’s it for the week. Have a festive and enjoyable fourth, we’ll be back on Monday with a Hung recap and we’ll finally get to those nightly previews.

I either tore or strained both quadriceps playing fucking softball, I’m still working on billing and I got about three hours of sleep last night. Not to be too self-indulgent, but I don’t see this post exceeding 300 words. I’m throwing a stamp on this thing and mailing this in.

Given how they left the finale, we knew that Friday Night Lights was going to be forced to reinvent itself, should it be fortunate enough to come back for a fourth season. Well, they were, and as it turns out, nothing is going to look or feel familiar. If you’ve ever read any of my recaps then you know that I despise yet understand the series’ continuity issues with characters that were recognized as seniors in the first season still attending high school in the third (the worst of which being Lyla sleeping with a LA business man when she was 15 or so), so for what it’s worth, we’re fine with these changes, as they’re overdue.

Thanks for the bouts with depression, Piper.

Piper Perabo — best known for her role in the only movie I ever walked out on and initiating the eventual breakup with my then girlfriend — is getting her own series on USA. Is this failing upward? Probably not in Hollywood but at least she has a steady paycheck. I’m certain she was absolutely low-balled for the movie referenced above, that of which I dare not speak its name.

Ricky Gervais decided to go out on a limb and state that American television was superior to British television. But he says their version of Entourage is comparatively “poor”, something I just refuse to believe. Still, his claims have merit. Our entertainment industry dwarfs there’s, like if you took two football players from each country and had them stand next to each other,  but I’m certain some of his die-hard fans back home are none too pleased. The hooliganism is going to be treacherous, I’m sure.

And finally, Neil Patrick Harris is in talks to host the Emmys. I’ve never really “gotten” NPH, outside of the cameo in the Harold and Kumar movie that served as a springboard to his resurgence, I don’t really think I’ve ever been too enamored with him. Of course, I don’t watch How I Met Your Mother, so this is probably my problem more so than anyone else’s. Despite my trepidation about him, Harris beats the shit out of an army of reality TV hosts, which is what I believe they did last year. They might as well have just ditched the hosts and had the teleprompter facing the audience.

Hey, 446 words, we’re calling this a day. Back tomorrow with something.

Just a few words before we get into the links. It is long overdue but we started watching the first season of Breaking Bad this past weekend, and I have to tell you, it’s every bit as good as advertised, if not better. Just like Hung and Weeds, Breaking Bad is about a middle (or in Nancy’s case, upper-middle) class parent forced into circumventing the state and breaking what some might call overly-litigious laws.

In the case of Walter White (played by Bryan Cranston), his background in chemistry and recent terminal cancer diagnosis have led him to the point that the only way he can make enough money to provide for his family for after he’s gone, is to produce and distribute crystal meth. He’s probably correct, but after the first few episodes I’ve seen (3), he definitely regrets the decision.

I don’t want to get into a dissertation about this show, but from what we’ve seen of this, Hung and Weeds, Breaking Bad is the best amongst them. It combines dark comedy and drama even better than Hung and manages to produce more laughs per minute than Weeds, which is the most comedy-centric of the three, or at least it strives to be. In short, we highly recommend renting or netflix-ing or purchasing the first season and DVR’ing the second when AMC replays it, if it suits you like it suits me.

Onto some links…

Since it is now fashionable to mock Entourage ever since that College Humor video (or really since the series premiered five years ago), here’s yet another comedy troop taking some pot shots at the HBO series. I don’t have any audio so I can’t really watch it, but I’m sure it’s hilarious. It’s so subversive to ridicule a series that no one seems to like.

AMC has put together three new promos for season three. And when they say “promos for season three” they actually mean “montages of seasons one and two”. I would say this was disappointing, but I still watched and enjoyed them. All of them except for the romance promo, which couldn’t have tried to turn the series into a tabloid headline any more than it did.

For all those who might care — and I know there’s a lot of you — Lost has added a new episode for their final season, bringing the grand total to eighteen. See, this is why I don’t think that series is structured nearly as tightly as all the fans and producers lead me to believe. I mean, I could just watch an episode on occasion and deduct that much, but when you’re actively adding new episodes before production of the final season, you can’t really claim David Simon levels of planning.

If I get drunk I might end up recording an episode...

Drea De Matteo, whom you may remember as Adriana La Cerva on The Sopranos, is joining the cast of Desperate Housewives. At least now fans have one justification for watching that show, assuming they’re attracted to women, that is. Otherwise I have no explanation for you. You’re making a trash prime time soap opera into a series that some manage to regard as not only commercially but also critically successful. So yeah, feel free to stop watching anytime now.

We suggested as much in our review of the pilot and last week in a links post, but it’s now official, between True Blood and Hung, HBO is experiencing a long overdue resurgence. By my estimation, these are the first two new series’ they’ve created since 2004 that has garnered any commercial appeal (sex and vampires will do that), but when you have names like Alexander Payne, Alan Ball, Dmitry Limpkin and Jane Adams attached to them you’re going to be on the receiving end of some critical praise as well. It’s not The Wire, Sopranos, Deadwood and Curb in its prime, but it’s enough to rival AMC as best original programming (and will surpass it come this fall).

FX has released their premiere dates, and the one we’re preoccupied with, obviously, is It’s Always Sunny, which is returning on September 17th. That’s three days short of a full ten months on hiatus after the fourth season finale, so we can either expect to see the best season yet (because it’s been carefully crafted) or the worst season yet (because they are running thin on ideas and had to settle on this final product). I can’t wait to have comedic sociopaths back on my television, it makes the week seem so much more tolerable.

In other FX news, Denis Leary is resisting the urge to create a Rescue Me movie. Upon hearing this my first reaction was, who the fuck wants to see that? My second reaction was, cling to that urge, Denis. I will say this, however, last nights episode was a drastic improvement over the week before.

I don’t buy this shit for a minute, but it is rumored that Simon Cowell could earn up to $144 million for next year’s American Idol season. Because you can’t just get anyone to criticize a bunch high school wannabes, you have to get one of those people who do the “I Love The ___” shows on VH1. Or you can pay Cowell nine figures. I can see the logic. I mean, I guess he brings in viewers, but I’m still stunned as to how. Just have Triumph come in and the guy will probably do it for about a 100th of that, and people will still watch, and whatever money you might lose from advertisers would be gained in not paying some blowhard $143 million more than he’s worth.

Kind of a somber week in television with the passing of Farah Fawcett, Ed McMahon and Michael Jackson. If you’re wondering what either of them have to do with television you’re probably under the age of 25. To which I respond” Google it, you unworldly fuck. But instead of going into some lengthy retrospective that I am bound to say something wildly inappropriate in, I’ll just offer my condolences and move along with some links.

Weeds has a new female Mexican character that is going to intervene in Esteban and Nancy’s tryst. Sounds great, I feel like that show can do no wrong at the moment. Also, if this new character isn’t at least loosely based on Griselda Blanco, I’m going to be extremely disappointed.

Wow, what an actress.

Johnny Depp and Megan Fox were both on Letterman last night. As per usual around here, I’ll show a picture of the latter and talk about the former, because I didn’t know it was possible to come off as humble when talking about an island in the Bahamas and a boat that could cross the Atlantic, both of which you own, but he did just that. Fox came across as comfortable in her own skin but, and you’re not going to believe this, she was remarkably self-absorbed. Surprising, isn’t it?

Janet Hubert, better known as Aunt Vivyan from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, has upped the gutter language in her counter-strike against Will Smith, whom she alleges professionally abused her in the early 90’s and “hid behind NBC’s panties”. Obviously this is an attempt to sully his good name and expose him for the scoundrel he clearly is. And maybe she’s being honest, I don’t know. But what I do know is, all of this shit happened well over a decade ago (too lazy to actually look up her last appearance on the show), and she’s probably in some financial trouble (who isn’t? Oh, that’s right, Will Smith). You can probably do the math on this one, and it’s the same reason anyone would be skeptical.

By his own admission, Letterman is afraid to tell a Sarah Palin joke. This wasn’t supposed to be political but since it so clearly is, I like the selectiveness of everyone’s political correctness. Republicans get mad if you crack jokes about evangelicals and democrats get made if you crack jokes about minorities and women. Then both sides somehow manage to complain about political correctness run amok when they’re called out for their (sometimes legitimate, sometimes not) bigotry. I guess me assessment would be: It’s the circle of life, Simba. We need these distractions and for no one to ever call attention to the rampant, sweeping idiocy of it all.

CBS announced their fall premiere dates, so if you can’t wait for some sensationalized crime drama, now you know how long before you can watch new episodes that follow the identical format of the last 800 you’ve watched.

NBC has also announced their fall premiere dates, and while their programming is considerably more diverse than CBS’, it pulls in about a third of the ratings (completely rough estimate). I don’t know why this is, but I do know that everyone I surround myself with watches NBC far more than they watch CBS, so from this pointless little anecdotal nugget, I conclude — once again — that Nielsen’s are utter bullshit.

To say True Blood is growing in popularity is like saying Michael Jackson is has a loyal fan base. They’ve already moved 1,000,000 DVD’s of the first season, and selling that many of the first season means significantly increased viewership of the second, and that forces everyone to buy/rent those DVD’s or purchase HBO. I can’t believe we’re going to look back on this and say that True Blood was the show that pulled HBO out from the gutter, because I just don’t get it.

Because we can’t go by without at least throwing something, someone’s way, here’s a great article about how Michael Jackson basically made MTV a brand. Not what it is today, someone well after Jackson’s prime turned MTV what it is. To honor his memory they did show a marathon of his videos, but they quickly jumped back into their non-stop barrage of reality programming. Way to know your audience, MTV. No, I’m serious, way to know your audience.

And finally, the NY Times wrote an entire article about HBO is hoping their new series Hung, about a down on his luck school teacher who starts turning female tricks for money, becomes a hit. They could probably write the same article for every show that has or will premiere at any point in the future, so I’m not sure what the point is. I will say this, however, that based on the strength of this review, I’d fully expect a recap from us on Monday.

That’s it until Monday, I imagine. Back with recaps and potentially nightly previews next week.

Ugh, I really don’t feel like doing this right now but I feel like I should honor one of my promises to post links this week. So here goes. Also, we’re contemplating watching The Real World tonight, because we’re desperate for something with a pulse after watching The Superstars and Rescue Me last night, the latter of which damn near made me comatose. Hey, it might be utter garbage, but at least we can watch people get drunk, fall down and at some point screw each other’s brains out. Just an affirmation of life is what we’re looking for, that’s all.

With the current uptick in quality on Weeds, I suppose this is good news: Mary Louise-Parker is on board with Weeds so long as it stays fresh. If that was true she would have left after season two. But I hate to break it to you, Mary, but that might require showing more than just your tits floating in a bathtub. Ahem. This could, however, also be interpreted as bad news, because unless Parker and series creator Jenji Kohan have staunch disagreements about the best course action for the plot, it makes the likelihood of her dying before the series finale highly unlikely.

I'm starting to understand the appeal of this show.

Here’s the new teaser for Dexter, America’s favorite sensationalized televised series just behind CSI and Law & Order: SVU. Even though I don’t watch it and kind of resent its critical and commercial popularity, I am more than willing to concede that Dexter makes those two shows look like something on ABC Family. In the sensationalistic Olympics, Dexter takes the gold in a landslide.

Larry David is displeased with his appearance in high definition. Wait, you’re saying Larry David behaving neurotically about something? Get out. He’s usually so full of confidence and self-assurance when he plays a version of himself on his HBO series. This is like finding out Charlie Sheen likes hookers.

For the other 57 people who watch and/or care about Nip Tuck, they’ve already filmed their series finale, which won’t air for well over two years. Obviously they’re not bound to anything, but I like the idea that they already have a very specific direction they’re taking the series in. I’m dying to know which body parts of which main characters will have to be amputated.

And finally, here’s an interview with Connie Britton about the upcoming season(s) of Friday Night Lights. For whatever reason, more is revealed in interviews with FNL cast members than with cast from any other show I can think of. For The Sopranos you’d probably have to take out more people than the writers killed off in the first two seasons to get confirmation that Silvio wouldn’t be killed off during hiatus. Anyways, don’t watch the interview if you take SPOILERS really personally, like most everyone seems too.

Back with more tomorrow.

One last links post to close out the week. As you can tell, we never got around to watching the most recent Weeds episode, a problem we hope to remedy by weekends end. Not much else going on, so we’ll forego any further preambles.

I can’t recall a better time to be associated with Oprah Winfrey than now: She’s taking her entire staff on a cruise that covers Spain, Italy, Turkey, Greece and Malta. Seems a little excessive, but I can’t imagine anyone is complaining. Other than people like me, who would commit unpseakable acts for such an opportunity. In case you were worrying, don’t, she’ll be back to indoctrinating upper-middle class women in no time.

Other than the first image to pop up on a google image search for "Maxim", I have no idea who this is.

The cable network E! and the ladmag Maxim are teaming up to shallow-ize the populace, the likes of which we’ve never seen. They’re scheduled to do a couple specials together, and I have no idea what that entails. But if I had to guess, I’m pretty sure the extent of it will be women from AXE Body Spray commercials putting on masks of tabloid stars and wrestling in jello, then having the lead singer from Whitesnake determine who the winner was.

Here’s the trailer for an Arrested Development documentary, a documentary I wasn’t aware was in existence until just now. This probably costs me hipster points, but I livev in Ohio so it’s much easier too come to terms with that fact. Anyway, hopefully this is a precursor to a movie, something that is starting to feel more and more overdue. Is Sit Down, Shut Up still on the air? Can someone look into this?

Here’s another trailer for an upcoming HBO series called Bored To Death, a series I wasn’t even aware was coming. Naturally, it doesn’t come out until September, but this is the first look at it and stars Zach Galifinikas (among others), so it warrants the three month advance notice. If you need a synopsis, I think the anti-Entourage should suffice.

And finally, the TV Academy “honored” television’s most beloved dad’s Of All Time. Probably because Father’s day is Sunday, but it still doesn’t make much sense. I’d actually rather see the opposite: Ten most hated TV dads. Who would we put on that: Tony Soprano, Jimmy McNulty, Tommy Gavin, Roger Sterling, Randy Marsh, Doug Wilson, Riggins’ dad…I’m sure there are a couple others that are eluding me right now, but that’s some prime suckage in child-rearing right there.

Alright, we’re wrapping it up for the week. This is, without a doubt, one of the five more mundane weeks we’ve had on this site. It would be stealing the top spot if we didn’t stumble onto the Weeds season premiere last weekend. In short, we’re exceptionally thankful it’s over.

What a dull fucking week this has been for this website. It’s actually kind of starting to annoy me. Again, all we watched was Daily Show last night, if you can recommend something that isn’t a rerun or a new episode of a gut-wrenchingly terrible reality series, I’m all ears. As of last night, the best thing on in prime time has been reruns of 30 Rock and The Office. You know, it is fucking summer, when is actual summer television going to start? July? Does June not qualify anymore?

Anyhow, if you couldn’t figure it out we’re falling back on links again. Don’t blame me, blame the unholy overlords that run the television industry. I will not resort to being another person who watches god damn reality shows to laugh at the people participating in them.

Looks like someone is backing my play about Artie Lange’s appearance on Joe Buck’s show. Or he’s just inadvertently agreeing with me shortly after I posted on Tuesday. It’s pretty much the same thing. Really, it’s the only logical conclusion one can reach from HBO’s handling of this: When taken into consideration the rest of their programming, how can HBO take the moral high ground? I know this is geared more towards family programming, but it was on at 9PM, so it kind of nullifies that argument.

Here’s a link to someone’s twitter page informing us that Triumph The Insult Comic Dog will be making his debut on tonight on Conan with a segment at Bonaroo, which is a concert of some sort. The wannabe hippy contingent will be as easy to crack jokes on as the Star Wars movie line, if not more so. Whether or not there is any validity to this claim, I couldn’t tell you. But I’m trying to drive up viewership, so just tune in tonight if you have nothing better to do.

Rolling Stone did a long interview with Matt Weiner about Mad Men past and future. In it he says he wanted to capture the rise of LA with the “decline” of New York. I didn’t realize NYC was struggling so much, or ever did. As far as I could tell it is and was always considered one of the more thriving markets in the history of the world. For as great as Mad Men is, it’s basically the anti-Wire. As rough as certain aspects of Betty Draper’s and Joan Holloway’s lives can be, I’m pretty certain Dukie, Wallace and Randy would do everything short of kill to have it as good as they do. Not to disparage the plight of character’s like Betty and Joan, but when you hear the show-runner talk about the “decline of  New York”, it’s kind of hard to take seriously.

Whoever it was that played the first Aunt Vivyan on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, will be writing a memoir about her experience on the show, in which she disparages the bankable movie star she used to share a set with. Guess who I’m referring too. No, go on, guess. I’ll give you a hint, it isn’t Alfonso Ribiero…

Alright, it’s Will Smith. By my count, this will be the first negative press he’ll be forced to endure since…I don’t even know when. I’m sure someone called him a thug in then 80’s when he was primarily a rap artist. Probably since then. And unless she says something like he was constantly sexually harassing the rest of the cast, I doubt anyone will really give a shit.

That’s all we have for right now, we’ll post at least once more today. Promise.

Yeah, didn’t watch a minute of television last night besides Daily Show and the Larry David interview with Conan the night before. He just may be the most awkwardly comfortable man that walks the streets in Hollywood. Judging by the bulk majority of these late night interviews, that’s some steep competition. So kudos to you, Mr. David. And may you henceforth have only non-regrettable orgasms (it probably helps if you watch the interview).

Anyhow, you could probably guess that we’re resorting to posting links. Enjoy.

I don't know what he sees in her.

Christina Hendricks (Joan from Mad Men) is engaged to some actor on some shitty USA or TNT drama. No one should be too surprised by this development but everyone should be disappointed. Anyhow, I guess it pays to be on one of the many interchangeable television shows produced by both cable and broadcast networks alike. If nothing else it keeps you in the loop.

A man walked 2,200 miles from Cincinnati to LA to hand in his Survivor audition tape and was still turned down by casting. This story is quite amazing. First of all, only someone from Ohio could still possess the relentless, dimwitted optimism that’s required to partake in something like a walk across the country for a reality television show. Secondly, only Hollywood could take something as inconsequential as a falling reality series and turn the casting process into the fucking Godfather. I can’t imagine what the harm would be in allowing him on the show. “He’s too nice” was the excuse he claims they gave, and admittedly that can be nauseating. But at the same time, wouldn’t he generate a little much needed publicity? Wouldn’t this create a little buzz, and you might get some viewers who’ve given up on the show in the past few years? I really just don’t see a downside to casting him.

Here’s an interview with Mary Louise-Parker, in which she just talks about Weeds for the better part of 2,000 words. It’s a worthwhile read if you have some free time, but nothing too illuminating. Talking to actors rarely is. “How do you like pretending to be an unlikeable bitch that sleeps her way out of trouble and jeopardizes the safety of her family?” “I’ve always been attracted to roles where I come of as unlikeable, it’s just such a stretch for me, and I enjoy challenging myself, both on and off the camera.”…And so on.

Jason Jones has thrown down the gauntlet on Stephen Colbert, calling his sojourn to Iran tougher than Stephen’s to Iraq. I’d be hard-pressed to disagree, but I’d love to see a response that actually turns this into something of a feud. There needs to be more crossover between the two shows being that they are so closely connected and whatnot. (Sidebar: There wasn’t a response for this last night, was there?).

The Artie Lange saga continues, and he’s now banned from HBO, under the premise that HBO, “doesn’t have any interest in his world.” Mind you, this is the same network that is known for Taxi Cab Confessions, G-String Divas and a slew of X-rated stand-up gigs. No Mr. HBO exec, I’m afraid that’s exactly what you and your cohorts have interest in, whether you want to admit it or not. In fact you inhabit it, and are partly responsible for its creation. Anyway, in case you’re keeping score at home, that makes an entire series of networks and the most storied talk show in the history of late night that he’s no longer welcomed at. All in all, not bad for a single night’s work.

Portia De Rossi (Lindsay Fumke from Arrested Development) has her agent shopping around her memoirs detailing her experience with anorexia while shooting Ally McBeal. Man, with Calista Flockart on set, that show was probably ground zero for eating disorders in its time. No wonder it was canceled prematurely (at least according to ratings), we were about to see the slowest mass suicide the country has ever known.

And finally, probably a good sign that you’re losing credibility as an awards show: when the MTV Video Music Awards are forcing you to reschedule. That’s what’s happening to the Emmy’s (surprisingly not the Grammy’s, though I’m sure they’d have to acquiesce as well). Not that I give a shit about the Emmy’s, but it is really depressing that anything on MTV has the commercial appeal to force anything, much less television’s most “prized” award ceremony. Though this isn’t really surprising, I don’t even want to contemplate who would win a ratings war if they were the only two options, The Wire or Next…let’s just end this before we start thinking about it.

Back tomorrow with more links, most likely.

Rescue Me was outstanding last night, much in the same way it’s been before the last two episodes. Beyond that we didn’t really watch any television outside of Daily Show, and Stewart, once again, just bitch slapped all three cable news networks; which is always a feel good moment for the folks. I liked the nervous, forced laughter when he’s taking MSNBC to task.

It makes sense, I imagine there’s a considerable conflict of interests when the person you’ve been trained like a Pavlovian dog to laugh at/with every time he makes an innocuous comment/gesture/facial expression, is now lacing into hackneyed political pundits that align with your ideology. With any luck, they’ll be ruined forever.

Here’s an article wondering why the new CBS procedural drama, Three Rivers, is set in Pittsburgh and not LA. Yeah, why aren’t there more shows set in LA.? That city hardly ever gets any recognition in pop-culture. It just seems so unfair that cities like Pittsburgh and Oklahoma City are always reaping their mid-market status. What about the LA’s, the NYC’s and the Chicago’s? Won’t somebody think of the three biggest markets in the country?!

If you were looking to pinpoint a reason why you disliked Entourage but couldn’t find the words to summarize your contempt, this video does quite well. It’s obviously an over-simplification, but that’s what makes it so funny.

This is basically the entire show.

Somehow, some way, True Blood is bringing in HBO’s best ratings since The Sopranos. For commercial appeal, both rely pretty heavily on sex and violence, so it isn’t exactly a mystery why either of them draw high Nielsen’s, but I am amazed at Americans tolerance and never-ending infatuation for vampire/zombie stories. There’s a few of them out there, from what I hear. If you combine all the film and television installments, they’re basically cop dramas at this point. God, I can’t wait for Treme, Curb, Hung, Boardwalk Empire, and Ribbon of Dreams start up so I can pretend that this and a sabotaged episode of a Joe Buck talk show aren’t the most redeeming qualities for the once great pay cable network.

Well, well, well, looks like ABC is now going inside the Obama White House. Better pucker up FOX, or before you know it the only people watching your network will…probably be the same embittered bunch that already make you by far the highest rated network. As you were.

This is some great news: congress is putting in motion a plan to lower the volume of TV ads. You know how you can be watching, say, Friday Night Lights, and the episode goes into commercial which you don’t really think anything of, only to hear the sonic boom that is a Chevy truck ad because for whatever reason, the decibel level they air the commercial with is ten times that with which they film the show you’re watching. I can’t tell you how overdue this is. My father, god bless him, listens to the television in his house at about the 65 mark. I can on average hear everything thoroughly at about 24. That’s damn near three times louder than most need the television to be. Anything to lower the overall volume whenever I visit is greatly appreciated.

And so the fallout from Artie Lange’s appearance on Joe Buck Live begins. Most notably in him telling an HBO executive to go fuck himself, and reportedly being banned from Conan’s Tonight Show. Yeah, how dare he be subversive on HBO coming from Howard Stern. Seriously, am I missing something here? Even if you don’t like Lange’s brand of low-brow humor he at least made the show watchable. If HBO didn’t want a scene, they shouldn’t have invited on a comedian who’s known for his hatred of their new show host.

And finally, Conan O’Brien first netted Larry David (whom outside of a Top Ten list on Letterman, I don’t think I’ve ever seen do a talk show) for last night, and has Kobe Bryant as a guest tonight. If you’re a fan of watching athletes and entertainers try entirely too hard to be affable and down-to-earth, I suggest you tune in.

Maybe a few more links later.