Grid Effect

In lieu of anything decent on television last night, we watched a classic Nicholson-Antonioni film called The Passenger. While it didn’t have even a semblance of a plot, its the first film I’ve ever seen where the text is the subtext, and as a result it was at least a unique cinematic experience. The hollowness and insignificance of Nicholson’s character was something that didn’t dawn on me until the final seven minutes, since I was preoccupied with searching for a plot (because a movie with the same pacing and tone that actually had a opening, body and conclusion would have been just as extraordinary) the fact that it was a character study almost eluded me.

And just as I strolled into work late yet again this morning, it dawned on me that the Nip Tuck season premiere aired last night and we completely forgot. For a series primarily plot driven, hollowness and insignificance were the first thing that came to mind, and that’s never a good thing. We were uncertain if we would continue watching/recapping the Risqué dramatic series, but when realized we forgot about it, the only reason I was even mildly disappointed is for the eleven or so people that might actually have been looking forward to a recap, and for that reason alone, why would we watch it? This site’s goal is to focus on good, if not great television, not television we begrudgingly watch with no enjoyment. So, for that reason alone, we decided to let bygones be bygones.

Until we realized that we do not write recaps for dramas until the day of the subsequent episode, and we do not recap anything else on Tuesdays, we do a weekly links post, and that we could move that post to Wednesdays with little to no consequence (it also seems like something better suited for the middle of the week anyways). So, essentially, for the same reason we watched The Passenger, is also the same reason we’re going to recap Nip Tuck. Clearly the themes of the film didn’t take.

See, who said this series is only about shock value?

For what it’s worth, the series did end relatively strong last year (sans that overly generic shot of the two leads standing up against the Hollywood sign which made us take a 45 minute shower, because it was so dirty), or, at least stronger than Studio 60, which we stopped recapping before the season finale, not knowing but fairly certain it would be canceled anyway (which it was). Yet we can’t really recall how, all we can remember about the fourth season was that gawdy “future” episode. Which, for an animated series, like, say, The Simpsons, works; primarily because the characters do not age, but also because its a comedy, plot and character development are moot.

But for a series that force feeds its audience the “complexity” of its characters as a magnum opus for both the writers and actors, we don’t need to see an end game before the series finale. If we already know that all of them turn out relatively successful and untroubled, minus a small amount of mutual hostility, then what’s the point of continuing to watch? Here’s hoping it actually represents a turning point in the series. An unfortunate season and ill-advised episode have a reactionary effect, in which those involved with the series take a step back, and try not to take it so seriously. Because, you know, it’s about plastic surgery.

Back with Survivor and South Park recaps tomorrow.

That’s a wrap for the fourth season on Nip Tuck, and I am really not sure what to say about it. Nothing all that spectacular happened, and maybe that is why I enjoyed more so than in recent weeks.

I still believe this series has “jumped the shark”, as they say (I am not going to be able to look myself in the mirror after using that phrase), and I am not confident I will tune into the fifth season. Hopefully my habitual impulses have some limitations. Never the less, it was nice to see an episode with an acceptable amount of egregious behavior. Considering they fed an organ dealer to an alligator, it should give you some indication where we are with this series.

It was really hard too watch last nights episode and consider it a finale, because the majority of the major plot points left with Julia a little under a month ago in the now infamous future episode. And I guess that explains why I am disinterested in this series, the writers seem like they are making up the season as they go with no real direction. Sean and Christian are fighting, then Julia and Sean go at it, then Christian and Kimber, the Matt and Christian etc. And they are constantly bringing in new characters yet ending their arc in the middle of a season, there is never any continuation (with the exception of Escobar, who is now dead).

Their is an exceptionally bad movie called Reindeer Games with Charlize Theron, Ben Affleck and Gary Sinise. And in the climactic scene, everything we knew turns out to be a lie, as seemingly every character we we’re introduced comes walking around the corner to admit they were in on this elaborate casino heist. We knew is that Ben Afflecks character was basically decent, that was the only constant variable. This is essentially what every episode of Nip Tuck this season was.

First we think Michelle is simply a trophy wife, then she is a prostitute, then she is an organ thief (ditto for James The Woman). Then we have Escobar, first he is an international drug dealer, then Bob was his prag in prison, then he is actually an organ thief and by the time we know he is married, his wife is shooting him in the head. We could do this for Bert, Marlo, (even Sean to some extent) at a certain point every character has so much history that it becomes difficult to suspend disbelief. The only constant truths in Nip Tuck are Sean and Christian are our protagonists, and while they may do some things the audience detests, for better or for worse, we ultimately root for them and everyone else is sort of cannon fodder.

This finale, was entirely too convenient for me, the only lingering question afterwards is will Matt ever eventually break up with Kimber (my guess is he will and she will fight tooth and nail for a cut of that check Sean gave him)? And who else is going to follow Sean and Christian out to LA? Seeing as how no one else has any livelihood outside of the two of them makes the scenario pretty likely. Even still I was kind of hoping Christian would stay in Miami, which brings us to the last twenty minutes of the season.

Like I said earlier, the episode was way too accommodating. Christian and Michelle went from happily married to separated and on opposite sides of the country in ten minutes. Sean went from content at a less lucrative position too opening up a new independent practice with Sean, and all of this happened over a musical montage that panned from character to character mouthing the lyrics to the soundtrack. Also, the last scene with Sean and Christian leaning up against the “HOLLYWOOD” sign was beyond lame. Clearly Julian McMahon and Dylan Walsh both took courses at The David Caruso School of Mannerisms.

All in all, my expectations were not that high for Nip Tuck coming into this season. Will I continue to watch next season? Probably. Mainly because I have no will power, but partly because the new locale can only improve what has turned interesting characters tiresome and made original storytelling redundant.

Until next time.

Last time on morally ambivalent happy hour, also commonly referred to as Nip Tuck, James The Woman is now murdering people for their organs in Sean and Christians office, Sean has re-inherited his not-son Wilbur after the kid’s biological father died. And Sean was mourning the dissimilation of his family.

The theme of this week, Sean is now feeling insecure about being in Christian’s shadow, professionally and socially. This has kind of been an ongoing theme in the series, and this is only the 7th or 8th time they have addressed it, so relatively speaking it is virtually new territory for this show. This resentment is exemplified when a woman comes in for implants, but also to flirt with Christian as he was apparently named one of Miami’s more eligible bachelors in a local publication. Sean storms out of the office virtually unnoticed.

When it comes to for her actual surgery, Sean busts in to oversee that everything goes smoothly. It is rather transparent and Christian calls him out on it. Luckily, they are both bailed out when Sean’s assistant informs him that he has a 2pm consoltation with a ventriloquist that is also feeling insecure… around his dummy. Sean walks away dejectedly. Is this a real issue with plastic surgeons? The alpha male gets the breast implants while his counterpart is forced to perform the facelift on the crazy stage-performer with an inferiority complex around his wooden dummy?

Anyhow, I am a little tired of Christian, but mostly Sean identifying his own faults through his patients and ultimately coming to grips with what is actually bothering him. Its trite, redundant and cheap. At least last week he vicariously recognized his emotional problems through a homeless man. And to complete the metaphor that is Sean’s despair, after the operation, the ventriloquist’s dummy (i.e. the ventriloquist) mocks his operation. Sean, clearly at his wits end, suggests Mr. Ward just take his hand out of the doll. The Ward holds his head down, choking back the tears and says through the doll, ‘He can’t doc, without me he is 176 pounds of nothing”.

Wilbur this week is sought after by a couple of predatory women. One is Gina, his biological nymphomaniac mother with AIDS. Last we saw her she was on the straight-and-narrow, operating a rehab center for patients out of elective surgery with Julia. She is still clean, yet still psychotic and wants to be allowed back in Wilbur’s life despite court order restrictions and the Father’s will. Christian isn’t interested either as he wants Michelle to be the legal mother.
James The Woman wants the child’s kidneys, as they are very valuable because few people are heinous enough to kill a child for his/her organs. She comes up with not so subtle threats such as, “He looks plump and juicy” when referring to Wilbur. Actually, they are subtle compared to those of Gina, who busts in on Michelle, Christian and Wilbur’s dinner celebrating the two of them officially becoming Wilbur’s legal guardians. She throws food on Michelle, screams all sorts of veiled threats and has to be physically restrained after she tears up the legal documents.

Of course, Wilbur is kidnapped when they are both sidetracked by a woman who looks like Gina at the park. We see James The Woman stalking them in the remote viscinity while Michelle is pleading with Christian to get protection from Gina, when she wants it for both her and James The Woman. At that very moment, Wilbur goes missing, and we are lead to believe James The Woman is the guilty culprit.

So of course it is Gina. She promptly returns him to Christian after an hour as the result of an epiphany and determines she is not cut out to be a parent, and this was evident three years ago in the days of “cab fair”. Christian says he still fully intends on pressing charges for obvious reasons, though it looks like he might recant after she goes into some sappy diatribe about parenting and gives Wilbur some toy that is supposed to have some sentimental value, but I am too tired and disinterested to care about it.

Meanwhile, James The Woman broke into Michelle’s house, stole her gun and has turned it on her. this is clearly just a PSA about gun ownership. Anyhow, right before James The Woman kills herself we learn that she lost a son at eighteen months old. So that is why she is such an unforgivable monster.

In incredibly dysfunctional relationship news, Matt and Kimber are having sexual chemistry problems, which makes sense because she is a former porn star and he is borderline jail bait. Matt seeks out advice from Christian, and ends up getting some from Sean who at first tries to be technical before Matt shows up saying he wants to know how to make Kimber “hot” not take advice from Dr. Ruth’s male equivalent. After like the 50th example of someone preferring Christian to Sean, Sean erupts into an incredibly candid explanation of what he did with Kimber, and its not for the faint of heart. Never the less, Matt’s only response is, If that’s what you did with her, I can’t imagine what Christian did”. Well buddy, it can get a little awkward when you marry and impregnate a woman who has already slept with your surrogate and biological fathers.

Ends up Matt was right, as Kimber confided her sexual frustration to her psychiatrist, who is also a Scientologist. So Matt gets the idea to hire a film crew that consists of several of Kimber’s old porn crew, including her mentor (what does this imply in the porn industry, exactly?). They do a role play thing with Matt as an OB/GYN and Kimber as a patient. I guess we are too assume she is fantasizing about Christian. Either way it makes me feel better about missing the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in the same time slot.
Ends up her mentor is on the paper chase, posted the video online, and, gasp, the “church” knows about it. Now according to this cracked out Scientology doctor, the babies health as well as her future in the “church” is in jeopardy (Stretch, Yawn).

Sean decides he is selling his share of the practice to Christian and Michelle to get out from under Christian’s shadow because Sean believes he has no identity without him.

Another fairly mediocre if not flat out bad episode. Hopefully the season finale can compensate for the 10 of 12 sub-par episodes we have been subjected to.

It has been redundant for a season or two now, but the emotional patterns and developments of the characters on Nip Tuck are yawn worthy at this point. We didn’t explore any new territory this week. None. And halfway through the episode it dawned on me: the only reason I am still tuning in is for the benefit of this website. So I hope someone is enjoying these recaps.

Sean is, again, depressed that his wife has left him. With her, Abby and Connor in New York, Matt going on a Scientology cruise with Kimber and Christian going to Moscow with Michelle, Sean is in trying everything he can too maintain his sanity. Anyways, Sean, through a series of encounters, reluctantly befriends a homeless man with a drinking problem named Reefer. When our new guest character calls Sean out on his internal and external sadness, Sean develops his own uncontrollable bout with alcoholism. He works on a patient while inebriated and gives her an orgasm on the process, lashes out Christian (Sean feels abandoned by him), plays a Santa at the mall and gets a blow job from one of the midget elves in the back (This series is really fixated on little people in its fourth season). It goes without saying, this was the greatest two days of his life.

But, for whatever reason, he remains depressed and when again running into Reefer on the beach late at night, they have a very intimate discussion, where Reefer manages to dissuade Sean into homelessness. As a result, Sean invites him into his office to fix the broken nose he received from a bumfight. Subsequently, Sean invites him over to his house the following day and allows him to spend the night at the office.

Michelle was hesitant to take in Wilbur when Christian introduced the prospect. But upon meeting the kid she just couldn’t resist the bundle of joy and agrees to help in the child rearing, this cancels their trip to Moscow. Of course, James The Woman is still staying at McNamara/Troy, and the police are setting up shop with cameras and the full nine after Escobar sent them a Christmas ham.

James The Woman, on Christmas eve, gets a threatening call from the least convincing mob of any ethnicity in television and film history (short of Christian Slater in Mobsters). And they need organs! Now! Conveniently enough, there are no other patients at the office, except for Sean’s new best friend, Reefer. She coerces the hesitant Reefer into a drink which of course is laced with that television drug that makes its victims pass out instantaneously.

If you are a regular viewer of the show, then you know what happens next. If not, then you should understand that James The Woman has one of her surgeon-whore’s remove every single organ from this guys body, and of course they show whats left of his carcass lying on the operating table. Needless to say it exemplifies why I no longer enjoy watching Nip Tuck. She calls Michelle to assist in the “clean up”, and the two carry his remains in “gift bags” with James The Woman in a Santa’s outfit, which makes no sense. Anyways, the security guards on staff for the Escobar ham inquire as to what the hell the two women are doing, you know, because its so fucking bizarre. Naturally, they ask a few generic questions and send them off without checking the gift bags. At least they don’t film Michelle and James The Woman slicing up the cadaver.

Really everything, and I mean everything in this episode was sensationalized. From Sean’s downward spiral, too Christians elation, too James The Woman’s heinousness to Michelle’s sadness; there is nothing a viewer could potentially miss or have to think about. Its just about the least challenging series I have committed myself to since I turned twelve.

One thing I am curious about is, won’t Sean figure out that Reefer was murdered? Clearly he was anticipating spending Christmas with the downtrodden fellow (he offered him suits!). If James The Woman claims he left, wouldn’t that seem suspicious? And wouldn’t the guards have seen him? I guess since there are only two episodes left in this dismal season, I suppose this will contribute to enlightening our two protagonists.

Back with links, Survivor and Office recaps tomorrow. Cheers.

Finally, a decent Nip Tuck episode. With guest stars requesting unseemly elective operations and some family tension. To be honest, I think Julia’s absence explains why I am partial to last nights episode.

Last night we saw a french woman ask for her husbands ashes to be implanted into her chest. Yikes. Christian and Michelle turn down her request, Sean does it anyway after he heeds some intentionally bad advice from Brooke Shields the nymphomaniac psychiatrist. Later in the episode we come to find out that she was actually the man’s mistress and had stolen them from his wife. Sean gives the wife some decoy ashes and the mistress the real ones, mainly because he is impressed with her literally undying loyalty to the man. And that, is beneficial for all of us; because the wife ends up flushing them. It’s really not hard to understand why he had a mistress as she vindictively flushes what she thought were her deceased husbands remains down a toilet.

Brook Shields as the nymphomaniac psychiatrist was exceptionally devious, she mislead Sean in embellishing her sessions with Christian, telling Sean that Christian came into her office initially to help with repressed homosexual tendencies towards him. Where in reality, he showed up, she put it into his head then he bent her over her desk. When the two of them confront her, she denies any wrong-doing, then when Christian apporaches her, he turns her around and partially pulls down her pants to reveal that the tattoo they removed a while back that read “Property of Marco” has been replaced to now read “Property of Christian Troy”. Which only fuels Christian’s ego, something we rarely see on this show.

While eating dinner, Michelle explains her empathy for Sean since Julia has left. Christian and I, on the other hand, are entirely too distracted by her revealing garb to be overly concerned with whatever it is she is saying. It takes Christian like ten seconds before confessing his love to Sanaa Lathan’s cleavage. He puts a ring in her champagne glass and proposes marriage. When did he get so codependent? She says, “you really don’t know what you’re getting yourself into”, and that they need to find their own place because all the women who have slept there makes Michelle uncomfortable, and its their first order of business. He complies, its lame.

On the business end of things, Sean is having a hard time coping with Michelle and Christian dating, and is only more embittered when he discovers that they are getting married. He has a great line in response to Michelle turning down the ashes-in-boobs procedure, “It’s interesting when the whore becomes the pimp.” This results in a defeaning fifteen second silence. Anyways, by episodes end, because he cannot mask basic decency and good intentions, Sean resolves his issues and embraces Michelle into their family.

Michelle, however, has a completely different host of problems. James The Woman, wants to use the McNamara/Troy facilities to bring her victims in and operate on them. James The Woman’s lone interest in life seems consist of tormenting Michelle. She shows up unexpectedly in her office, they threaten each other and hurl insults before Michelle slaps her across the face. In a series chock full of soap opera moments, this one takes the cake.

Anyhow, James The Woman consults with Christian and shows up with a gawdy looking bruise on her face. Between this and last weeks unfortunate make-up issues, I think its time to start busting some heads with the cosmetology staff they have on set. Anyhow, there is no word as to whether or not she caused to bruise herself or if she was legitimately attcked by the Asian mafia we met a few episodes back. Christian cautiously agrees to operate on her, and she uses her overnight admittance in the hospital to sneak in a model/surgeon to operate on one of their victims. Christian lets Michelle in on this and she is livid. Christian obivously didn’t think it would be so consequential, because he is still under the impression that James The Woman is merely a pimp, not a hired hand in the black market organ trade.

She rushes over to the hospital to see James overseeing some model/surgeon named Tatiana operating on one of their victims. There are several unanswered questions such as, how did diminutive Tatiana move the exceptionally large victim from wherever she drugged him to the surgeons table? And where do they leave him after the surgery? Sean meets her in the operating room the next day none the wiser, inquiring why she is cleaning the equipment.

Other Notes:

-Mario lopez shows up to look at Christians condo, while giving him a tour he hallucinates about all of his former relationships talking him out of marriage (Kimber, Rebecca Gayheart, the big girl who when he was really insecure, pity-screwed with the bag over her head). This persists for every scene Christian is in his apartment, at one point they talk him out of the marriage and he psuedo-throws Michelle out, before welcoming her back the next day. The entire change of heart is unexplained.

-No Marlo, Julia or Matt.

-The scene where Michelle walks into the office late at night to encounter James The Woman and Tatiana is as David Lynch-esque as last weeks episode. When she steps inside the building, the camera pulls away from her while the two perps are listening to “Que Sera, Sera”. When she turns the corner it is dimly lit outside of the table with them dicing this guy up.

-Christian cops to having the dream of the homosexual encounter with Sean. They agree that they love each other, just not in a profoundly erotic way.

All in all, not a terrible episode, which is usually a high point this far into the Nip Tuck experiment. Entirely too much happens, and the writers/producers could learn something from the creators of The Wire in terms of pacing themselves, but I can’t complain.

So that Nip Tuck episode last night. Ummm, yeah. What can really be said for it? The episode, “Connor McNamara, 2026″, if you couldn’t tell from the title, is set twenty years in the future and jumps back and forth from the future to the present as a twenty year old Connor airs his grievances to an unseen shrink. It’s sole purpose was to explain Julia’s departure, becuase the actress who plays her, Joely Richardson, will be taking a brief hiatus to attend to her daughter’s surgery.

In the first ten minutes of the episode, while in the present, Julia changes her mind at least six times on decisions that will alter the lives of Connor, Marlo and Sean. Its the most indecisive shit I have ever seen. First she is going to go through with Connor’s surgery, then Marlo changes her mind. Then she decides to stay with Sean, then opts to be seperated. Next thing you know she is eloping with Marlo to Venice but then she decides she needs to be by herself and takes Connor and Anne to New York. Where presumably she has family.

Needless to say, it’s annoying. For one they never demonstrate what is so endearing about her. Ever. In the history of the series, I cannnot determine why Marlo, Christian, Sean and everyone else would be so enamored with this woman. Secondly, she never faces any reprecussions for all of her absent-mindedness. After having Matt with Christian, and leading Sean to believe he was his son for roughly eighteen years, she comes away unscaved from that? How? Shouldn’t there be some penalty for this level of deception? And why would Sean tolerate being railroaded like this? True, he has cheated on her several times, but its almost an afterthought. For all of her waffling, it does seem best fro everyone involved for them to be seperated.

And the scenes in the future, I am not sure if the aging affects were supposed to be comically bad, but if not they could definitely use some work. Apparently in the future, among other things, everyone has slightly gray to white/dark gray hair and wears glasses. Polygamy is legal, but homosexual marriage is not, and major cosmetic surgery is a “blink-of-the-eye” process, as evidenced by Connor’s surgery he is gettting to impress girls at his new school. This is the producers premonition of life innthe year 2026.

Connor, by the way, is reasonably grounded. They make note of him being close with Marlo while he was growing up, so that probably explains it. Anne, however, is a basket case. After she is caught stealing pain killers from the hospital, her and her parents have this huge breakthrough about why she needed them. Its really, really pathetic. Essentially she guilt trips them for being terrible parents all her life and they are forced to reassure her that they always loved her, even if she felt like they never demonstrated it.

Other future notes:

-Marlo and Sean have families that we never see.

-Christian is still making the rounds with women. He is over fifty and currently seeing two women from Dubai that can’t speak English.

-Matt is a surgeon, and he performs the elective surgery on Connor, with Sean and Christian assisting him. No word on whether or not he is still into Scientology or if he is married to Kimber. Probably not, he is too normal when he is thirty-eight.

Present day notes:

-Sean is refusing to leave his home during a hurricane despite a mandatory evacuation. Him and Matt sort of set their differences aside.

-Marlo and Julia agree to end things, which leads to a tearful good-bye from Marlo to Connor. Peter Dinklage is a really great actor.

I am tempted to label this as a comedy, but out of respect for Joely Richardson I won’t be so undermining. Next weeks episode looks much more promising, Sean has a great line directed at Michelle in the previews, “It’s amazing what happens when the whore becomes the pimp.” Zing. And frankly, I wish Joely Richardson’s hiatus was for less tragic reasons, that way I wouldn’t feel so guilty that I am elated her character will be absent for a while. Because frankly, while Richardson is seemingly a decent person, I am spent on Julia McNamara.

On this weeks Nip Tuck episode, everybody is screwing everybody! literally and figuratively, this is week it all came to fruition, and in predictable fashion. We also beared witness to the resurgence of Escobar the Mexican drug lord who is currently incarcerated; and or Merrill Bobolitt, the rival surgeon from season two who was last seen trying to carve the skin off of Christian’s face (Who said this show is about shock value?).

Merrill only got 32 months in prison as a result of a plea bargain for cooperating with authorities, which entailed testifying against someone called the madame. As a result he was constantly sexually abused during those 32 months and ended up having to “marry” another inmate for protection. In this case, Merrill married Escobar. Which is the equivalent to forfeiting whatever rights one may have in prison.

Escobar wants Christian and Sean to repair his face after he lit it on fire in solitary confinement. He had Merrill arrange it before he was escorted in by a gaggle of correctional officers. Amazingly enough, Escobar staged the entire thing by bribing the guards, the warden and managing to set his own face on fire after two years in the hole, just so he could escape with Sylvio, the guy who murdered his child molesting brother in the series premiere three or four years ago, on Sean and Christians operating table. Sean and Christian threw his body in the everglades and the crocodiles made quick work of him. Escobar knows this so he can blackmail the two of them into performing the surgery.

This wasn’t accomplished until Merrill woke Escobar up during his surgery (turned the sedative down) and held a scalpel to his neck. Sean shoves him and the guards drag Merrill off screaming. Christian adds, “You should have lett Merrill kill him, it would have solved all our problems”. Escobar murders five guards to escape with Sylvio, before going to Sean’s house and murdering Sylvio in his den as compensation for the pro-bono surgery.

Matt already managed to get Kimber pregnant, and they are married. Kimber is hell bent on the scientology influenced silent labor, because, hey, whats one more questionable decision? I mean, she is already married to the son of her ex-fiance. Sean is convinced the kid is his, he steal DNA from her while she is having her breast implants removed. Much to his chagrin, it isn’t his. So Matt has effectively ruined his own life. Are congratulations in order?

Sean confronts Marlo, the midget nanny, because he has a premonition that he slept with Julia. He admits to having an “intimate relationship” but it never turned physical. Minutes later Julia confesses it to him. As usual, she resorts to hysterics, he pins her up against the wall and they make out while mumbling about trust. Its probably at least the 157th conversation these two have had like this, so its not terribly gripping.

After seeing Sylvio’s body, Sean phones in the murder while walking into his bedroom. This prompts Julia turns around in surprise because of the subject matter: “I’d like to report a murder… This address… No, we are not still in any danger.” When he hangs up, Julia queries, “What’s going on?” Sean replies, “I had an affair with Monica.” And her face drops. Umm, he just reported a murder that you are unaware of in your house and you are more surprised that he slept with the nanny? Really? It seems like at this point, any and all extra-marital affairs between these two should just be shrugged off.

Next weeks episode takes place fifteen years in the future. I am serious. Apparently Nip Tuck is running so thin with ideas that they are turning into The Simpsons. And as bad as I thought this was, it is beating Studio 60 by a mile. One more week before I decide, though the future episode is really going to be a setback for the series. It’ll be close.

Welcome to my trial period of Nip Tuck. Where we determine whether or not this series is still worth watching. Lets just get this over with.

We open with Liz consulting with Christian and Sean for lipo. She wants to appease her girlfriend of an entire two weeks. She threatens to leave if they do not give the surgery or if they continue to make snide remarks about her weight, looks, sexual orientation etc. Sean asks “why now?”. Great question.

Alanis Morrisette is Liz’s girlfriend, Poppy (Like the restaurateur from Seinfeld, except he was a he and remarkably older than this Poppy). And she is ice cold about Liz’s appearance while she is under the anasthetic, and wants to perform additive surgical procedures, more so than what Liz requested. When Sean and Christian protest, She claims: “I am not going to the keys with someone who looks like a teletubby”. You can always count on Nip Tuck for the dergatory lines about someone’s appearance. No one beats ‘em.

Anyhow, Sean and Christian refuse to do more surgery. When Sean tells Liz about the incident, she is clearly devastated. I don’t think Miami is the best city for someone like Liz to be living in. At least in the sense that, if you’re going to live in a city contingent on tradtional beauty, and you do not fit that mold, then you have to be thick skinned about it. Typically, Liz has been, but she has clearly reached a boiling point.

That weird madame (James The Woman) who hires women with med degrees to seduce and drug unsuspecting male and female victims in an attempt to steal their organs (Doesn’t this sound like an occupation Borat would have had? Gypsy catcher, organ thief, ice maker) is threatened by a gang of Asians.
Coincidentally, Christian calls her for sex immediately afterwards. She obliges and James The Woman is clearly planning on stealing his urethra or something. As predicted, she heads over instead of sending a younger whore and talks shit to him before he passes out from the drugs she gave him. She calls Michelle, James The Woman wants to kill him so he won’t report being drugged and organ robbed by her, Michelle is opposed. What a sweetheart. As a result, they leave him lying unconscious, not before James The Woman looks at his penis though.

Christian returns to the office and has Sean test him, and discovers that he was, in fact, drugged. Not surprisingly, he opts not to report it to police, instead Christian throws a bunch of medical human waste into the old womans car as revenge. She offers up a piece of ass that is currently screwing Saudi royalty. He accepts, James The Woman clearly plans to drug and kill him this time.
When they encounter each other at the office, Michelle sees the vixen black market surgeon and advises Christian against going home with the woman, he ignores her, mostly because he is still contemptuous about what happened between the two of them and her husband.
In the ensuing scene, we jump back and forth between Michelle engaging her husband and Christian nailing the courtesan/organ thief. Michelle confronts Burt and resents him making her have sex with Christian while he looked on.
She claims she stayed because she pitied him, not for his money and power. Which is not only illogical but also insane. He immediately needs his pills, she refuses to assist him and he dies while crawling downstairs. She then dices him up and takes something out of him, probably a kidney. Whatever it is, its what the woman Christian was with intended on removing from him, because she gets a text message that reads: “Abort”. My favorite part about the whole scene is the prostitute Christian was with had around three minutes of screentime, simulated coitus, looked at a beeper and didn’t get one word of dialogue. All while in nothing but her underwear.

In dysfunctional marriage news, Sean insists Julia and Marlo (the midget nanny) go out together while he watches the kid, he is still none the wiser to them making out from last week. While in line for the film, julia is somewhat self-conscious about being in public with a little person, especially if its perceived their on a date. Never the less, they still sit directly next to each other at the movie theater despite multiple open seats, which prompts them to make out yet again. She feels guilty and storms out of the theater. This entire scene rang unrealistic to me, because anyone who goes to movies with platonic friends leaves at least one seat in between the two of them if at all possible, right? In no way is this my light agoraphobia corrupting my judgment.

Marlo, wants a leg lengthening procedure to put Julia at ease, he tells Sean its for a women, but does not specify who. They show what the procedure entails, its easily the roughest thing I have seen from this series, and I am not always heavy on censorship, but this should be banned from basic cable. The surgery is kind of fruitless because an ideal outcome only gives him six extra inches. Yet he manages to fantasize about buying tickets from the same theater at eye-level. Amazingly, this is the second series I have watched with a physically defecient nanny wrecking a marriage (Sopranos with the one legged Russian). Sean tells Julia about him desiring a procedure, and not-so-subtly calls Marlo a hypocrite. Much like with every moral dilemma, she freaks out about it and storms out of the house to dissuade Marlo from the elective surgery. Of course, she bangs Peter Dinklage. And its hysterical.

If you couldn’t tell by the tone of my post, it is becoming increasingly difficult to take this show seriously. There are some relevant questions I am sure you have asked yourself, like where has Matt been the past two episodes? Well, according to the previews, the answer is getting Kimber pregnant. You know, the woman who was going to marry his biological Dad and had an affair with his surrogate Dad. To quote South Park, Nice. Niiiicccccee.

I want to keep this shorter than my previous recaps, because this weeks episode of Nip Tuck was what I have become accustomed to over the past couple of seasons. And that’s not a compliment. The episode entitled “Connor McNamara” primarily revolved around Connor’s pending surgery and Christian’s resurfaced friendship with Ms. Grubman, the woman with the cosmetic surgery addiction.

After informing Christian that she had been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, Grubman wants him to make her a “beautiful corpse” after she dies by liposuction-ing her down to a size 2. Charming. She suddenly dies after ranting and raving with her assistant (played by Mo’Nique) in Christian’s office. It’s like a split second. She is talking energetically and then she goes pale-faced sitting upright in her wheelchair. Is it possible to die like this from Cancer? I am assuming it is, because the writer’s couldn’t be this sloppy. Or could they? I really have no idea.

Anyways, after Christian does the operation (in a really lame scene where he plays her CD and imagines her singing with Burt Bacharach playing the piano in the operating room, this after visibly adoring her corpse, I thought this show was going to make the leap into necrophilia, but then I remembered Liz was in the room. Thank Christ, because there is no coming back from such heinousness. And its the one line Christian has to cross.) he attends her wake. Unfortunately for Ms Grubman, the post-demise lipo ends up being a fruitless venture, because the only two people in the world who knew about it are the only two attendees. Mo’Nique leaves before Christian reads his eulogy, regardless, he begins to read it before an empty room. He stops when he remembers what a crock it is, and if there is no one to listen to it, then why continue the facade? As he is storming out of the church he turns around and lashes out at her corpse, explaining how she managed to alienate everyone in her life, then he ultimately sympathizes with her and wells up a little. Christian probably sees his own faults in Ms. Grubman, self-involved, superficial, narcissistic and angry. So he is somewhat humanized, again, and he will go back to being a prick within an episode and a half.

The other half of the episode focused on Sean’s determination to see Connor’s hands operated on. We discover through a series of flashbacks that Sean himself experienced a childhood with a cleft palate, thus explaining why he is so unwavering on Connor having the operation as an infant, so he isn’t subject to the same peer-torment as he was. In the flashbacks, we discover his palate eventually divided Sean’s family when his Mom went against his father’s wishes to not only play little league baseball, but also undergo surgery. This drives Sean’s dad to leave and forced his mom into getting to jobs to support the family. He never told Julia, as he is still understandably insecure about it.

Sean is very combative in defending his son. When an elementary schooler starts cracking jokes about his Connor, Sean is quick to point out his ginger kid like features (red hair, fat cheeks, freckles, “pig nose”). When ginger kid’s father interjects it results in Sean slugging the dad, then calling ginger kid and his dad assholes. Clearly this is a result of pent up agression stemming from his childhood.

To make matter worse for Sean. Their midget nanny, Marlo, is opposing him in going through with the surgery and effectively influencing Julia. He isn’t quite as intimidating as Marlo from The Wire, but he is fairly persuasive in pointing out how physically and emotionally grueling an invasive procedure like this can be for an infant, because said infant has no way of understanding what it taking place. Congruently to all of the existential crises afoot, Julia is falling for Marlo, so he quits his job as their nanny, but not before they get the chance to make out.

The entire story seemed forced to me, nothing really happened organically, but it happened none the less. Unles someone can give me a good reason, I will have to jump ship on Nip Tuck. Like I said before I watch this series out of habit, but with Friday Night Lights being a new series I find infintely more compelling, there seems to be little argument for me to keep tuning in. This despite how enjoyable I found last week’s episode. So much for keeping the recap shorter.

A few posts back I commented on Rosie O’Donnell’s turn as Dawn Budge on Nip Tuck and being surprisingly impressed with it. Well, apparently I wasn’t the only one because the show creators are considering a spinoff with the abrasive lottery winner.

While I did find the character interesting and though she played it well, I am bearish on the notion of an entire series revolving around her. She’s like Roseanne with money and contempt. I don’t think I’m quite ready for something like that, plus she has been around Nip Tuck for three episodes and we have already seen her half naked. If this new series gets picked up, in order too watch it I am going to have to get drunk before every episode.

Let me preface my first post about Nip-Tuck by saying I am not entirely sure why I still watch the series. The first season was bonafide great. It was original, provocative, funny and dramatic. The second season banked on shock value, the third followed suit and currently in it’s fourth season it seems like they are shooting from the hip. By which I mean I am not sure what they are trying to say about the themes or characters that appealed to me in the first place. For the most part my viewership is habitual, nothing more. After having invested one season into the series, followed by a second one I didn’t really enjoy, I am watching almost out of personal obligation. Which is lame. The series does have its moments of clarity, however.

And last night was one of those exceptions. The themes of American superficiality and elitism coupled with complex character development were in full form last night. And I am almost embarrased to admit that I am enjoying Rosie O’Donnell’s (Dawn Budge) arc on this show. Her rush from trailor trash hick to nine figure powerball winner has been comical. After having lost her husband and daughter (she caught them having sex, not sure if it was his biological daughter, though, we’ll just pretend she wasn’t) along with any self-respect she had (hundred’s of thousands of dollars in cosmetic surgery, paying Christian $400,000 for sex), she finally hit an emotional low after sacrificing a mouse she had grown attached to that Christian and Sean had grown her new ear on (more on that later).

Liz, however, despite a needing a kidney transplant and a recent string of bad luck was exuding with appreciation for what she had in her life. After Sean lied about not being a match, for her new kidney (though he confessed to lying about it later in the new episode, he only did it under the impression his psuedo-son would be offering up his), she found an even better match with Dawn Budge. Giving her a healthy kidney and Dawn an opportunity at atoning for her guilt.

Other notes:

-Christian utterly using Kimber and subsequently being unbelievably cruel. Almost made me feel bad for her (The writers for this series need to learn that characters like Kimber are expendable. the only two that are necessary are Christian and Sean). That said, Christian’s line, “like I give a shit about your wack-a-doo religion” in reference to scientology immediately after having sex with her was flashbacks of the comedy from season one for me.

-The scene with Dawn, Sean and the biologist at the bio-lab looking at Dawn’s ear mouse was hysterical. that hairless genetically morphed mouse walking around with the human shaped ear on its back was the creepiest thing I have ever seen in this series, and there is pretty steep competition for that title.

The exchange between Dawn and Christian as she was laying await to go under the knife for Liz’s kidney transplant was well scripted/acted:

Dawn: First powerball now this, who would have thought lightning would strike twice.
Sean: It helps when he has such a large target.
Dawn: It didn’t seem to bother you when you were hitting the same target a couple nights ago.
(The entire medical staff over hearing this looks on in jaw-dropped shock/horror)
Sean: Lets just proceed with the surgery.

-Christian and Michelle continue to have sex for her husband’s arousal. Which is something that feels like it has been done a couple thousand times on this series. The old voyeur has a stroke at the end of the episode. Christian thinks Michelle may have forced him viagra that he had been warned by doctors could be fatal. Yawn. Both Michelle and her husband are inherently unlikable.

-Of all the positives from this episode, the scene of Dawn Budge’s ear-jacking by the drive by motorcycle gang was a little too incredulous to take seriously (she was wearing recently purchased expensive set of earrings, they spared the right ear). I am assuming it was supposed to be for comedy but the in manner in which everything was fast forwarded with the ear shooting up in the air and the biker caught it in his hand was just lazy. They might as well have went Arrested Development style and shown us a series of stills claiming they didn’t have the resources to shoot the scene properly (how I pine for the days of AD).

Next week, Sean slugs some guy for cracking jokes on his deformed newborn son and Matt continues to sleep with Kimber. That midget from Entourage and The Station Agent is intricately involved again, though I cannot tell in what capacity.