Grid Effect

We’re still in the precipice of a hectic work week, so bare with us as we offer up day old news for the first three days of this, the third week of April.

Now desperately seeking an edge to regather its once dominant Nielsen score, Survivor is going HD. Assuming this is the case, the editing team better be working around the clock to verify there are not any exposed body parts.

TV critic Tim Goodman sums up the mentality of NBC comedy fans quite aptly in this op-ed piece. In short, he says we’re comedy elitists who denounce more traditional CBS comedies without giving them a chance. This describes the attitude on Grid Effect almost to a tee, and the odds of us changing up are about 100/1. Call us a snob if you will, but we’ve watched Big Bang Theory and we were mightily unimpressed.

Albert Brooks will play Nancy Botwin’s father-in-law in the fourth season of Weeds. Now, if only they would release the third season DVD’s so I could prepare to watch the fourth season, I’d be all set. But no, Showtime keeps me in suspense, at least with DVD releases and not actual storytelling.

There’s a picture of Mary Louise-Parker’s digitally enhanced naked ass that we wanted to use, but chose this instead. Mainly because violence is so much less-threatening than sex.

Here’s something you don’t see everyday: A reality TV director has been arrested on charges he falsely imprisoned eight women. Apparently he led them into his house with the promise of putting them on a series. A few things about this, first, I thought people that lied about being in showbiz to get women actually had no affiliation with the industry. If you actually have some kind of pull, what’s the point of promising a woman a spot you never plan to give to her, if you can actually put a good word? I suppose you can always be a sick fuck, so maybe that’s the case. Secondly, I think this is another argument for the abolishment of reality television. If it is so mind-numbingly boring for the people involved that they resort to multiple kidnappings, then it’s time to rethink the genre.

A.O. Scott, who we’ve sometimes felt to be pompous, writes a piece about Roger Ebert’s television career that is anything but. Regardless of your opinion of Ebert’s approach to movie reviews, his contribution is undeniable and hopefully a “Better Know a Congressman” segment.

Stephen Colbert is doing his show from Philadelphia all week. We watched last night as Colbert always brings his A-game for the away crowd, and last night was no exception. We recommend tuning in tonight to see an interview with Michelle Obama.

It seems like state employees were really fond of The Wire. Which is strange since that is who the show is usually hammering away on, even with the obvious degree of affection the series portrays the majority of its characters with, they are still perceived as ineffective at best and expendable at worst. But yeah, City Hall in Nashville is still in mourning over its conclusion. I guess that speaks to the caliber of programming that The Wire brought every week.

And finally, Newsday has a column about the difficulties sports-oriented TV series face. We mentioned it yesterday with The Contender, the article focuses mainly on Friday Night Lights, the problems the two shows face might vary, but we think a lot of it is related to sports movies being such a staple in US cinema that diverting from that is unlikely. Sports fans generally have amazingly short attention spans, we think FNL’s ratings failure stems directly from that mindset.

More of the same tomorrow.

This was an odd episode if not an enjoyable one. Since we didn’t see much in the way of plot development that seems to be a minority opinion, but at least we saw one of the more pathetic or heartfelt farewells ever, depending on either your level of gullibility or suspicion of Ami.

It’s a shame she had to leave too. Between the crab hunting and the intimidation of Erik with the machete, I really thought we might see the first ever Survivor castration. If her tears were even remotely sincere they seemed more out of anger than genuine sadness. But there was an abnormal amount of knife play in this episode. Seriously, I felt like I was watching 300 again.

As opposed to eating like rats, Airai is now eating the rats themselves. In a scene accustom only to this season Jason is rather impressed himself when he catches one and wants so desperately for the favorites to like him, but I’m assuming no one ever told him that Amanda wrestled a shark to shore. Just so I’m somewhat incensed by this whole scene, Parvati calls him a loser during a camera interview. And she is in a position to deem who is a loser and a winner, being a foxy boxer grants you such privileges.

One thing that was almost clumsily good play was Parvati approaching Natalie about her and Alexis forming an alliance post-merge, but they do it in the most nauseatingly conceited way possible. Natalie looks like the girl that sleeps with her friends boyfriends when they’re hammered. And somewhat coincidentally, I imagine Parvati just sleeps with whomever is hammered, regardless of relationship status.

The question is, how many pictures can we find of Jason not staring at Eliza’s ass.

Kind of a peculiar decision by Malakal to have Alexis sit out the challenge, though it’s indicative of why they keep losing even with the superior camp life. I mean, the other team is “feasting” on rats while they have Ozzy pulling his “Lord of The Flies” impression out there and killing anything that breathes and is edible within a 300 yard radius. Some people have faulted them for not going with Jason given that he coaches gymnastics and all, but to be fair I’m not entirely certain they were aware of his history. Still, to go with Alexis, the girl who’s never talked or demonstrated any real challenge ferocity, regardless of what they assume it consists of, is flummoxing. It’s a shame they picked these two considering that during challenges there isn’t two people I’d rather be staring at. I mean Ozzy was obvious, he’s like Cirque de Soleil on Survivor, but Alexis? Why the resident eye candy left this season? Throw me a bone, Malakal. You fuck ups.

And the immunity challenge itself must have been a tough one for Malakal to endure, because had Ozzy been available it would have been a shoe in. The god overseeing this game for them is clearly a vengeful one. Maybe it’s positive karma for Airai after the Penner departure. During Malakal’s weekly failing, Ozzy and Alexis went looking for the idol. Alexis, because she’s genuinely without a clue, and Ozzy, because he wants to see if his bait is still fresh. Surely enough, it isn’t.

In the seemingly least effective strategic move in Survivor history, Erik approaches Amanda and Cirie about Ami’s back alley dalliances with some of the departed fans. He is being honest but comes across so unconvincing, which I always thought was impossible to do, but he is so eager to please. In this scene, Erik reminds me of the kid who would let you play with all his toys just so you’d hang out with him. It’s essentially ninety seconds of Amanda and Cirie failing to control their laughter.

Ami’s sneering fuck off towards Erik after she seemingly aligned with Amanda and Cirie was probably one of the more distasteful things of the series, and certainly of the season. Which in both instances is saying something. That’s like being the shortest keebler elf. But it does take some stones to be so condescending.

Given that it’s their forth tribal council everyone seems a little discouraged. Basically it devolves into Ami sobbing, then everyone trying to ascertain why she seems so isolated. Then everyone voting for her and not caring. Sorry Ami, while we appreciate your attempt at redemption, those tears only work for Hilary Clinton. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the above confrontation with Erik, we might feel differently. But it happened, so we don’t. It seems worth noting that when he was casting his vote, Erik says, “this game’s hell”. It might seem a little dramatic, but when someone is voted off, they do have to spend the next couple of weeks in what’s probably a secluded tropical island luxury resort. Brutal.

Pretty much a ho-hum episode but provided some oddly memorable moments. Which might say more about us than we’re willing to admit. New episode of this and The Office returns tonight. Enjoy!

This Survivor recap is going to be eloquent in its brevity, or rather just really fucking short because we haven’t watched the episode since it aired over two weeks ago and we didn’t write any notes then. The manner they went into a fifteen day hiatus was pretty dull. Then again, nothing all that groundbreaking can really take place this early in the game, so it was just sort of victim of circumstance. But still, is this the best their editing team can do?

Anyhow, I suppose the highlight (or one of the few things I can still remember) from the episode was Kathy taking her leave. She did seem genuinely distressed over the environment. I mean, To be honest, sleeping in that cave does seem more severe than some of the other things I’ve seen on this show (I might rather sleep in the rain), but she is on this show supposedly as a result of her fanaticism with it. I know no one can really grasp the conditions, regardless of how legitimately trying they may be until they are there. But if you watch the show so feverishly and passionately, then why the hell would you be going apeshit because it continues to rain? I can’t decide if she’s crazy, stupid or both. But right now she just seems regretful, so whatever tickles her fancy, then. So long Kathy, I’m glad you got off the show before you started developing imaginary friends. Best of luck.

But with her departure, it doesn’t seem to matter that her former tribe continues to win challenges. That is now two (or three?) that Airai has won since the mix up, but the team numbers are still even. So, I’m having a difficult time discerning whether or not Malakal should have followed through and voted off Ozzy instead of Tracy. Given, if they vote off Ozzy in this situation, their dismal challenge performance will only depreciate, but if the merge is happening sooner rather than later, then getting rid of the best challenge player in the history of the game is probably a wise move. But, if they merge at eight instead of, say, ten, then they are putting themselves at risk. To play it safe and to give themselves a fighting chance in the upcoming challenges, I think they made the right move. But when exactly do they plan to vote him off? Even Amanda is beginning to come around on him.

Look at him. As he goes to collect supplies for the rest of his team, he thinks he’s sooo cool. Clearly he’s subjugating Amanda.

Speaking of which, was she actually falling for Cirie’s weak power play of the conceited Ozzy? Or was Amanda just conceding everything to end the conversation quickly. Why the fuck was him going out to the reef, to go fishing and feed all of you fucking people so out of line? Because you actually had to contribute in a minimal way? She really, really needs to get over herself if she wants to be redeemed from this website (whatever that is good for). Because right now she is on our shit list.

It seems this is almost a situation where one is so contributive and helpful that everyone else is beginning to resent it. Given Eric, who was gun ho about voting off the challenge demon two weeks ago, was overselling his importance a little too much (might be why so many of the women resent him), but when someone provides that much in way of sustenance and competitiveness, it seems odd to hold him accountable for every little foible.

That was the episode in a nutshell. I think. It’s been fifteen days and though my life is rather hollow, remembering the nuances of a Survivor episode from two weeks ago is something I don’t occupy with my cerebral cortex. So long Tracy, so long Kathy. The former deserved better and the latter got better than she deserved.

Links tomorrow, as much has happened since I stopped posting them.

We are preempting our Survivor recap by a day because CBS is doing the same thing due to the NCAA tourney. Which, as a result, we’ll be taking Friday off because we’ll have nothing to write about (again) and potentially be nursing a hangover. Either way, this site is starting to feel redundant and we need a long weekend to watch basketball and forget about it.

Pre-credits scene, Erik is pontificating about the depths of the favorites sleaze. I guess he hasn’t been around long enough to be seasoned, but he is a fan allegedly, maybe one can’t fully grasp the betrayal until he is at ground zero of this game. Or maybe he’s just and idiot. Yeah, I think the latter is accurate. That’s pretty much it before the credits role.

Back from commercial at Malakal, Tracey and Chet are contemplating the decision to get rid of one of the fans. Tracey confronts Erik about the situation and is gun ho about getting one from their the favs to vote with them, and she’s right. She claims she had to do it because Chet wanted too and to make it this far in the game. After being approached, Ami appears to be considering the tribe switch, because everyone else from the favs was on her rival alliance in the original Malakal.

Over at Airai, Jon’s struggling with his leg, and James recognizes Penner’s contribution to the tribe and sorely wants to keep him around. And Eliza needs him as a member of their core alliance. It’s a great scene, James even adds his usual touch of misogyny, claiming to need Penner around so to avoid being the lone male tribe member.

At IC, the challenge consists of collecting materials in the water (Ozzy’s team wins) to build a blockade for the other team, then they have to plow through the blockade the other team built for them, first team to cross everyone through the blockade wins. They are playing for the natives words of wisdom. Penner can barely drag these blocks ten feet before he falls on his ass. Apparently they only have ten minutes to build the blockade. It’s a bunch of camera switches and quick hits, a few quotes here and there, it’s a good challenged but bad television. There is this really odd transition when they switch from building the blockade to tearing through their opponents.

Here’s the blockade’s that were being built, it’s such a ridiculous thing to describe I figured a visual interpretation would be much easier.

Cirie and Ozzy are crawling through for Malakal. And…Cirie? Really? They only need to move a couple planks? Airai is storming through the tunnel after falling behind and they end up winning in a landslide. Some big dense meathead might have been beneficial in this one. You know, to rip out all those strategically lodged wooden planks and such. Anyhow, Chet and Jason end up going to exile.

The medics take a look at Jon’s leg and ultimately decide he needs to go home, it’s pretty emotional and kind of epitomizes why I like the guy. At least three people in addition to Penner are reduced to tears. Hard to understand why he takes it so hard, but he came back for a reason and knew what he was getting into, which makes it all the more regrettable I suppose. He’s an actor, so melodrama probably comes natural to him, but when the options are compete for a million dollars and literally run the gamut of losing your life, the choice is kind of made for you. So long Penner, you deserved better.

On reward, Parvati asks one of the natives, it looks like the patriarch, if he is married, which seems a little forward but in character. It could have been idle small chat, but were jumping to conclusions that she totally wanted to sleep with this guy.

James laments Jon’s absence, apparently he needs his presence to deal with women and his diction is that of a confused fourteen year-old. It’s relatable though, most men would hate to be alone on an island with six different women.

Cirie over at Malakal is getting all elitist about having to deal with newbies, it’s really unpleasant. Ami takes her annoyance to Tracey, because frankly it is annoying as all hell. Why does she think she can’t be hassled? Ami and the fans seem to form an alliance and it makes me like Ami whose seemed non-existent up until now, all the more.

At exile, naturally Chet is just lying around on the island because of his leg and he believes Ozzy already has the idol. He would be right, but for all the wrong reasons. Jason finds the fake Ozzy-planted idol and goes on a long tangent about how great this development is for him. When he goes back to his old tribe, we’ll see if he isn’t informed otherwise before he has to play that pathetic looking thing. It’s seriously looks like something made by a boy scout, only if that boy scout was hammered at the time.

Apparently the natives are still on the island, showing them how to acquire food through the night and damn if it wasn’t beneficial. Will they actually be able to apply this newfound knowledge when the natives leave? I’m skeptical.

At IC, I guess, are they really sending two people home in one episode. Chet and Jason don’t really seem to mind too much. We here that he is doing alright. Probst inquires about the idol. Jason lies his ass off and says he assumes Ozzy has it (which he does, but he apparently doesn’t know that), and Ozzy lies his ass off saying he doesn’t.

IC consists of gathering really narrow platforms and carrying teammates from one balcony to the other, Airai uses only one of the platforms to take Eliza across with James holding the thing up and all the women and Jason balancing the thing. Probst expresses his adulation for James by name dropping him during all this, which seems a little too appreciative. Does he scream out his name when he cums as well? They get two people across the space before Malakal gets one and win before they even start with their second person.

Boy, it looks like voting out that lunkhead Joel might not have been the best decision. It’s like, when there is still over fifteen people, the best solution is to keep the tribe strong, thus avoiding losing too many tribemates. Not that Joel lived by that or anything (cough, Mary, cough, cough, Mike, cough). Oh well, at least we have a chance to see Cirie get booted.

Back at the now permanently defunct Malakal, they are discussing the newly dispatched Jonathan, who’s all better by the way. Chet decides to voluntarily leave because of some puss that may or may not be spreading on his heel. Tracey is a little bitter, considering she just got Ami to come over to their alliance and now this evens out their numbers once again. Tracey refuses to vote him, so Jason, Tracey and Ami all decide to vote for Ozzy when he’s least expecting it. And it is quite brilliant since he has to play it before the vote is read. Jason pours it on the convincing a little thick, and Chet does kind of owe the old broad for undeservedly saving his ass. Twice. We go to tribal not knowing which way this is going to swing.

At TC, Cirie reflects on Penner’s exit, and says if he could argue it down, he would have. At least she reflects on this pleasantly. Jason, for whatever reason, opens up about the idol and Ozzy’s supposed (and viewer known) immunity idol. Probst asks Ozzy about the vote tonight, and he goes all hyperbolic on us saying he would jump naked into the water should Chet not be voted out. And that if he (himself) was voted off, he doesn’t deserve to be there anyways. Chet has to counter with something along the lines of, “its never the person you think will go home”. Should raise some eyebrows since he all but forfeited back at camp. Ozzy votes for Chet, wishes his foot well, Ami apologizes to her vote and it’s left unseen, though the camera suggests she voted for Ozzy. The rest read as such after Ozzy does not play the idol:
Chet
Chet
Chet
Chet
Damn. They backed up on the Ozzy idea? Usually all those indicators of him not being voted out means precisely that he will. And what the fuck? People are defying Tracy’s wishes now. Oh, you will feel her wrath, and you will not enjoy a second of it. Their next vote should be very interesting. They have six people and a 3-3 alliance assuming Ami stays alongside Jason and Tracy. But I imagine she’ll wise up (for her own best interests, not mine) and go back to the other favorites that she seems to despise.

In his parting words, Chet is somehow proud of himself and considers himself part of the “Survivor family”. He thanks everyone for bringing him on and exposing all his vulnerabilities, which we all would appreciate, I’m sure.

Tonight: It looks like those lessons taught by the natives didn’t stick, as they refer to their situation as “torturous” and “savage”. So it would seem the favorites entire food supply in the past was a result of Ozzy. That’s essentially what I figured. Hey, as long as they keep winning challenges, they can keep living in squalor.

South Park review tomorrow.

Probably no time for links today, as we forgot that South Park returned last night and need to review the episode later this afternoon. But we’ll have our last Wire review of the finale tomorrow, and a Wire-centric post of links. Onto the recap…

Pre-credits scene, Walking back from camp the fans are dejected, particularly the two kids who look almost identical. The following day, Chet and Tracy are already strategizing getting rid of Jason, who does seem like a bit of a pompous dickhead. No love lost here at Grid Effect.

The favorites are enjoying the offspring of their chicken and are looking forward to the parents. Ozzy agrees to chop its head off and does so almost gleefully, and PETA is sure to chime in at some point this week. Ozzy hid the immunity idol in a cave, he says in a camera interview that he’s going to withhold this information, then immediately tells James, then Parvati and Amanda. Amanda regals how they are the powerhouse, which can be entirely attributed to her, obviously.

At IC, we discover they are mixing tribes, Ozzy and Natalie are randomly selected captains.They break down as such:
Natalie takes James, James takes Alexis, Alexis takes Jonathan, Johnathan takes Jason, Jason takes Parvati, Parvati takes Kathy, she by default has to take Eliza
Ozzy takes Joel, Joel takes Amanda, Amanda takes Eric, he takes Ami, Ami takes Tracey, Tracey takes Cirie, she by default has to take Chet.

So your new teams are the following:
Malakal:
Ozzy
Joel
Amanda
Eric
Ami
Tracey
Cirie
Chet

Airai:
Natalie
James
Alexis
Jonathan
Jason
Parvati
Kathy
Eliza

They go right to the challenge with the new teams, and its like something out of a 80’s movie bar fight with the degree of injuries incurred. Two team members are harnessed together and have to pull the flag off of two opponents who are also harnessed together. They are borders which they can’t exceed and it’s in the woods, so the hazardousness is pretty damn high, especially if one teammate cannot keep up with the other.

I’m fairly certain that if I was dating his ex, I’d be walking around with a gun.

They’re playing for a feast of sorts and no one is going to exile. In the first round Erik and Ozzy are chasing Kathy and Natalie and run them down like wild dogs to grab the flag. Parvati and Eliza are chasing Chet and Joel and snag the flag in a little more dramatic fashion, Ami and Amanda are chasing James and Jason, Ami bangs her ankle but they capture the flag anyhow, to give you an idea how easy this is for the offensive side. Penner and Alexis take the next flag making it 2-2, but not before Penner’s leg is penetrated with some woodland object.

Chet and Joel are running down and Eliza and my lord is Chet a liability in these physical challenges! Chet smacks his head on a wooden plank and never recovers, or at least Joel never gives him the opportunity too. Eliza and Ami actually escape their would be captors (the first time it happened in this challenge), which makes sense since they would excel at communication having already spent a season together, and Chet and Joel summarily hate each other.

Malakal was the losing tribe, but the fans are ecstatic that they get to return to the favorites camp, which is rather lavish for a reality game show. Joel calls the loss poetic justice by his choice to get rid of Mike instead of Chet, and it’s kind of enjoyable to watch him totally befuddled and completely unwilling to take any blame for the loss. But he also sees the upside in having deadweight, and someone to vote off rather promptly. Ozzy levels with everyone, and he has to be glad to be at the same camp for the sake of the idol that I don’t think he’s allowed to recover if he’s shipped off to the other island. Ozzy calls Chet a sack of potatoes, and like everyone else, realizes he needs to go. Chet relates his place in the game to that of chickens natural pecking order, I guess he is lucky he didn’t see the beheading, then.

Over at Airai, the fans are a little disappointed with the surroundings and as if God is playing a joke on them, the water washes up too high and takes out the fire they are using to cook their newly acquired food. Jonathan is worried about the injury he sustained in that brutal challenge. Enough so that the medics show up and shoot him with some sort of numbing agent that looks remarkably painful, then stitch him up, which we “get” to see the entirety of. Apparently it could still be infected, so the stitching doesn’t make much sense, but I guess it’s the only short term solution if he wants to stay.

We cut to Ozzy beating the fish at their own game, meaning he is going about 12 feet below the surface of the water and spearing them at eye level. After this impressive display, Ozzy has Jason at his beck and call. Ozzy wants to get rid of Chet and Joel shows a little sense, wanting to get rid of Cirie beforehand, then wants to vote out Chet to even out the fans vs. favorites numbers. It’s pretty damn preemptive, but I like it. He’s covering all his bases and attempting to do what the googily eyed blond and PG tried in China, but in a less sinister way.

Jonathan is trying to get a new camp built and everyone is more than willing to pitch in. Surprisingly enough they don’t built it on wet sand. Brilliant. The fans really need to get over the favorites, a la Joel and Tracey. All this fanfare can’t be helping their cause.

Over at Malakal, Amanda has become the second survivor contestant to catch a shark, but she wrestled hers whereas Tom speared his. Ozzy finds it attractive, which has a tinge of bestiality to it somewhere, but I can’t figure out how. It’s like he wants to pull a Zeppelin on her or something.

At RC, the challenge consists of throwing rocks at ceramic targets then solving a puzzle. Ozzy murders the first, James continues to disappoint and whiffs, but partially breaks the second one. Malakal only has one to break, James partially breaks another one and Jason finishes it off. Jonathan gets into an exchange with Probst after he blatantly misinterprets jonathan’s bitching. It’s worth pointing out that Jonathan is hobbling around like Forrest Gump in leg braces, so this challenge couldn’t be more timely. While solving the puzzle, Chet is completely useless giving directions perched atop the layout on a lifeguard chair of sorts. Eliza proves those comprehension skills she needed for her LSAT by blatantly outclassing him. At this point production almost has to send him home to end this national humiliation.

Coming back from the challenge, Malakal is looking dispirited as they should. but it’s a pretty quick fix, just rid yourself of the saboteur and all will be right with the world. Joel and Jason are agreeing they want to get rid of Chet. Joel’s claiming he’s never been around someone with so little backbone, and says if they went back to medieval times they would finish him permanently. It’s funny, we make jokes about them being medieval, and then they make literal references to it. Cirie, feeling next in line on the chopping block if the motto is indeed weakest is first to go, makes a move to get rid of Joel first. she seems to be actually be persuading Ozzy after approaching Chet and Tracy about the prospect. We go to Tribal with Ozzy and Amanda being swing votes of sorts.

At TC, we discuss the selection process. Ozzy says he took Joel with the intent of just countering Natalie’s pick of James. Tracy defends Chet in the reward challenge, she claims communication and that seems thin but arguable, as Joel is something of a blockhead, though we couldn’t really hear what (if anything) was being exchanged. Everyone gives non-committal answers that explains in one way or another who they are voting for. Jason votes for Chet, Chet votes for Joel, Tracy votes for Joel for calling her “weak one too many times”, the rest read as such:
Joel
Chet
Chet
Joel
Joel
Joel
Joel
Well, I guess should they lose another challenge, at least they still have a scapegoat. Really, I can’t believe Ozzy agreed to that nonsense, don’t get me wrong, Joel’s a schmuck-face, but he just said at tribal that he picked Joel to counter James’ strength, and now that is gone. It’s no wonder the tribe with Chet and Tracy on it continues to lose challenges. At least it keeps things interesting. And somehow Cirie again has executive control over the game. Again. We still have Ozzy and Amanda who might come to their senses.

Tonight: Eric apparently believes he found the the immunity idol, apparently not realizing its nothing more than shaved wood. And Jonathan has an infection that could potentially be fatal, so it sounds like we won’t have a tribal council.

in his parting words, Joel is humiliated and feels insulted. He’s actually a touch bitter. One thing you never learned, Joel, is to be a leader, people have to find you somewhat likable. As a result of his outing, he wants to “ring a few necks”. How else did you expect him to leave the game but to physically threaten someone?

South Park review later.

Continuing our day long break from Wire irreverence, we bring you this Survivor recap of last weeks episode. It’s eventful yet telegraphed. Outside of Tracy arising from fans tribe purgatory, we probably could have mapped out the entire episode for you after seeing the first ten minutes.

Pre-credits scene, the favorites are not exactly jubiliant about the results from the night before and Cirie is still on a bit of a power trip. Jonathan and Cirie are still arguing and she is really killing any good will she earned from her original season. If she is voted off tonight it wouldn’t be too soon. Plus, I didn’t watch the original all-star season, but was it also this contentious? They all seem regretful about not winning originally and will regret coming back for a second go-around even more if they lose again. Have these people never heard of the double transgression theory? I’m not sure it applies to appearing on Survivor twice, but you can make it work.

Back with the favorites, they are all speculating about who was booted and they speculate correctly with either Yau or Eliza. Someone catches and eel while Alexis encourages them to behead it, she is quite medieval, that girl. Natalie (I hate throwing these names out here like anyone knows who I’m referring to, just know that Natalie is the half-pug) is voicing over Chet’s lack of contribution around camp. He does seem to just be idly sitting in the water, Mikey seems to take this, much like everything, too personally. Of course all these contestants do. 90% of the time, when someone does nothing it’s either because they are fatigued (the case here) or because everyone lets them (Jenna Morasca).

At the favs, James is offering Eliza some help with her weakened state. He and Ozzy discuss how they made a mistake voting out Yau instead of Eliza, and despite his awesome lack of perception, even James realizes this. They even talk about it right in front of her, which draws an eyeroll that shifts the earth’s axis (it’s funny because her eyes are like bowling balls), James responds to her petulance in kind, “your sick and you’ve got attitude?”. She voices over that nothing would make her happier than to see her entire tribe become stricken with cancer. Lot of morbidity from this season’s cast.

At RC, the fans revel in amazement that Yau is gone. Once that os over, Jeff explains that the challenge is taking colored coconuts each with a letter from an underwater bin then unscrambling a one word puzzle. They’re playing for live chickens. Ozzy and Jason are the first out to the cage while Ozzy spends about five minutes under water while moving all the coconuts towards the opening his teammates will subsequently take there coconuts out of. If there were a challenge God in Survivor, it would most definitely be Ozzy, he’s like the fucking terminator.

Are we sure he isn’t Aquaman?

The strategy works as the favorites finish their puzzle before the fans even finish gathering their coconuts. We liked how James solved the puzzle for his team by asking if the word it spelled was actually a word, then mocked his teammates for letting him be the one to solve it. A little, shall we say, cocky self-deprecation goes a long way on our book.

Over at the fans camp, who have yet to win a reward when it isn’t inclusive with the immunity, lament the state of their tribe and camp. Again. That pretty much sums up every interaction with these people, really.

On exile, Kathy has thrown in the towel in regards to finding the idol. Ozzy, being the competitor he is is now looking for the idol himself. He doesn’t really understand how immensely strenuous this finding this thing is, but if anyone can endure it handily it’s him, since it involves swimming from one island to the next, and naturally he discovers its locale in about two minutes of camera time, with limited sunlight. He shoves it in his hat and holy Christ, he shoves it in his bag without Kathy being any the wiser. It is fucking. bad. ass. he also assembles a fake idol and puts on a ruse that he is looking for food, even at one point plucking some sea vermin out of the water and jokingly asking if she wants to eat it. Since Kathy for whatever reason doesn’t think any of these people she for some reason admires would ever lie to her, she doesn’t even look or act suspicious. He plants the fake idol where the original was, and it is outrageous. He, of course, is assuming there is anyone left in this game that can still find the thing, or that if anyone can they’ll actually buy that the wooden log he carved is an idol.

With this, I think we have a new frontrunner. Ozzy is in a strong alliance, is a challenge beast and now has an immunity idol that no one knows about, at least not at the moment. In addition, he knows of a fake one as well.

Back at the favorites, Cirie is harassing the chicken, and for whatever reason Eliza follows suit. She and Parvati discuss Jonathan “the liar” and Eliza points that out emphatically. Jonathan sidles them intentionally and describes how painful it is, and it’s pretty apt. If anything Jon needs to approach Ozzy and James and try and beat some sense into them should they try and vote out Penner. They can pull Amanda in with all the guys and get rid of either Elize or Cirie, but that is probably wishful thinking.

At IC, they hand back the immunity idol without joking around about it. Incredible. Probably the biggest surprise this season. The challenge consists of collecting necklaces and placing them on a decoding wheel that creates a three word phrase: “Tribe stays intact”. Chet isn’t allowed to sit this challenge out so they bench Kathy. I’m sensing a theme with this tribe. The favorites begin unlocking their, uh, locks beforehand and take a decent lead. Ami is really under the radar this season, I just saw her for the first time I think. The favorites are in this large contraption they have to maneuver through the woods with, they’re doing it pretty masterfully and it looks like Chet is going home unless Joel decides to save him for no reason again.

In short, the favorites win in a landslide as Probst makes abundantly clear for us. They do everything they can to ratchet up the suspense, but the fans are sending one of their teammates home. It seems like the challenges that involve the most luck are the ones the fans thrive in. Its amazing we’re going to be at a dead 8-8 heap here.

Back at the favorites morale is low. Once again. This tribes temperament fluctuates like Carcetti in his primary race. Mikey wants to keep Joel around for as long as possible then “chop his head off” right before merge. I hope his powers of foresight are powerful that he knows exactly when the merge is coming. Now that would be impressive.

The old birds are sitting in their cave and worrying about their fate, at the very least the older blond wants to attempt and maneuver some. Joel is explaining to all the female contestants what’s going to happen and the older blond plays him like a fiddle putting it in his head that he has to get rid of Mikey like he said he would and just all but calls him a pussy. She even refers to herself as intuitive as a reason he should listen to her, which is somewhat meta, because her intuitiveness is impressive as she is playing to his insecurities right now. If anything, her intuition should be a reason for him not to listen to her. She breaks down the simple math that Joel needs to get one more vote with the three of them in order to vote out Mikey. We go to tribal with Chet saying he believes he’s going home.

At TC, Mikey voices his disdain with ineffectiveness at challenges and Tracy wisely points out that in both of the challenges they lost this episode the older teammates were sitting out, so his logic is faulty. Joel is quick to concede that his physical strength, and physical strength in general isn’t the be all end all of challenge skills. Jason halts Probst from sending everyone to vote, emphasizing the importance of the vote they’re about to cast, which upsets Probst and annoys me. We go to the vote, Chet votes for Mikey and Jason (I think) votes for Chet asking him to please leave. Well, its not really his decision now, is it? They read as such:
Chet
Chet
Mikey
Mikey
Chet
Mikey
Mikey
Mikey
What in the hell, Tracy is my new favorite contender on this tribe. God, that handily was like the easiest manipulation I’ve ever seen in this game, she convinced it was in Joel’s own best interest to keep her and Chet around. Who the fuck did they convince to vote with them? Did I miss it because I was looking at my keyboard? It’s interesting how they keep shooting their tribe in the foot at the insistence of the physically strongest yet least reliable teammate. Or I suppose this was more at Tracy’s insistence.

In his parting word, Mikey talks about the weakness of his current tribe and while it is self-congratulatory and an ill-advised attempt to save face, I can’t say I disagree with him about the description.

Tonight: We’re already switching tribes and people start to get a little intense, Joel talks about his insatiable desire to murder yet again.

Not for nothing, but we were impressed with last night’s Survivor, even if it was one team completely destroying another (I was kind of hoping the favorites would lose as comeuppance for getting rid of Yau-Man prematurely, but that wasn’t the case). And the idol discovery was probably the best they’ve had since its inception, probably because it was done so effortlessly and secretively. Cirie should have known better considering all the traveling through water that the retrieval entailed. Considering how easy the clues were for seemingly everyone but Ami, the only real challenge here was the foot and aquatic travel, and no one is swimming from one island to the next quicker than Ozzy.

But anyhow, you may have noticed were not doing the Wire recap in our usually designated spot. This is mostly the result of us having watched episode 59 a couple times since, and hoping to avoid accidentally spoiling anyone without backtracking and watching episode 58 again so we know what not to include. And even though we could probably avoid this just by doing it from memory this fine Friday morning, we’re at work and don’t really have the time. So, as is our motto, here are some links:

It would seem that Charlie Sheen called Ryan Seacrest to assist in halting the production of his estranged ex-wife’s reality show. While I can understand Sheen not wanting to have his kids exploited in any way (though they clearly haven’t dodged that pickle), does Seacrest really have any pull? It would be like calling Bill Bellamy at MTV to prevent Daria from airing in the early 90’s. Oh, or remember The Maxx? Yeah, like everything it may be on youtube, but I’ve got that shit on VHS.

Probably the coolest cartoon of all time.

A bit of a Wire teaser for you, and absolutely do not watch this if for some reason you haven’t seen any of this season or episode 58: an interview with the child actors who play Bug and Kenard for some Baltimore radio show. They seem to be cast in their respective roles for a reason, as Bug has to be forced into talking while Kenard just does so without any suggestion. And my apologies for not knowing their actual names, but they’re peripheral characters and I’m not even sure if they’re in the opening credits.

An interview with Michael K. Williams, the above bold print applies to this link as well.

Oh, and just so no one’s upset when they flip to HBO on demand Sunday night at midnight and do not see the new Wire episode posted: it’s because it won’t be, at least not until after it airs on HBO. So if you’re like me you have two full weeks (or 13 days and 21 hours if you want to get technical about it) in between the penultimate episode and the ninety minute finale.

More evidence that despite my hatred for ABC, it’s the best run network of the four: they’re now offering on demand services. While this is a great service, I’m just not sure how many times over I can watch the same Dancing With The Stars episode. This does affect ratings though, look at The Wire as case in point. I doubt ABC will post episodes a week in advance, but if people feel like they can tune in at their convenience, fewer people are going to watch when Nielsen’s are being measured.

Speaking of the pay network, here is HBO’s intro from 1983. See I told you everything is on youtube. This thing is so fucking dated they do everything but have a narrator hype the age of colored television.

Registration is required for this article from the LA times, but it pleads the case for a total revamping of the Oscars. We don’t really understand this prevailing attitude. They had limited time to prepare because of the writer’s strike, the movies were mostly obscure indie-flicks that the overwhelming majority of the movie going public did not see, and they were four hours long. Can’t we just chalk it up to a disappointing year for the Oscars and move the fuck on? Do full articles from national publications about the shortcomings of an awards show really need to be penned? Well, yes, I have been watching this Wire season, why do you ask?

I love this article about the misguided attempt from HBO to post Wire episodes a week in advance on demand. We’ve mentioned consequences of this before and this article is nothing more than validation, because it does seem to lead to premature online leaks and contributes to probably thousands of loyal fans being unwillingly spoiled (either from said leaks or message boards). We try to keep it really discrete around here as we never watch online episodes, but are on the on demand schedule. There is only one episode left that no one but critics and show creators have seen, so it’s too little to do anything about it now, but hopefully with their next critically acclaimed series they’ll keep the interests of their fans in mind.

For girlfriends who would find it entertaining if their boyfriends killed themselves, here’s an article tossing around the idea of a hybrid Friends and Gilmore Girls movie. Sure it’s all fun and games now, but how do you think a Bratz movie gets made?

Speaking of suicide, which is always a cheerful topic, if this woman from Moment of Truth doesn’t leap off the Chrysler Building then she’s getting off easy. Cheat on your spouse? Yeah, whatever, obviously you’re not the first. Completely humiliate and berate him on national television about your infidelities, well, that’s an entirely new breed of satanic. I guess it’s appropriate that the question she lied on was, “Are you a good person?” Also, I’m completely OK with the FOX entertainment branch being burning to rubble.

And finally, SNL is preparing another Obama-Clinton sketch for this upcoming episode. While we watched last week and chuckled a couple times, it is really hard to watch the sketch comedy show trudge along knowing how great it was from 1991-1998 or so. The sketch that Senator Clinton awkwardly invoked in her debate on Tuesday didn’t really strike me as all that hilarious because it lacked any sort of nuance (like every SNL skit from the past six years), and seemed to actually believe that Clinton’s recent primary woes have been the sole result of media bias.
Obviously the media likes him over her, it’s undeniable, but she has a solid amount of journalist advocates and the lambasting she’s received (if you can even call it that) is nothing compared to what they’ll do to McCain. Somehow we doubt the vitriol from Clinton supporters will be as venomous.

Anyhow, before we get too far off track, look for the Wire recap later this weekend.

If you’re wondering, that above acronym stands for, “I should be carried on the chariot-type thing”, we would have spelled it out, but it seems needlessly long and idiotic for a blog post title, or really even for an episode of television. In fact we hated typing it out in this intro, but the acronym looks equally ridiculous so warrants an explanation.

We’re having a tough time with this season now. We find the entertainment value on them fairly high but the decision making questionable. This is particularly disappointing on the favorites side, for the amount of time these people have invested in competing, rehashing and reconsidering their mistakes and triumphs, you figure they’d bring more to the table, instead they’re acting like their at final eight or nine when there is still eighteen people left on the island.

Pre-credits scene, arriving from TC, Mikey suspects Joel of the blindside, and in doing so he calls the gay guy a girl. Its really hard to determine which one of these two is more reprehensible, right now I’m Joel, given his overtly violent metaphors. This guy is like some mafioso attempting to intimidate a juror, “I’m not saying something bad is going to happen, but if it did…” and so forth. Only he’s amazingly less subtle.

Malakal is on the beach and starting a fire like clockwork, the couples alliance is attempting to persuade Eliza, given that she only looks like and idiot we understand the motivation here, but Eliza is anything but and immediately reports it back to Ami, Penner and Yau. Cirie voices over while listening to all of this that she’s still in limbo and my God does Penner hate Parvati. He actually has to deem her a threat to get the rest of her tribe on board.

While reading tree mail at Aarai, Alexis is ecstatic that it’s a physical challenge and Joel looks like he feels it’s long overdue despite only being there for about six days. Everyone applies face paint and exaggerates how seriously they should take this. Personally, I’d put my money on the fans, Joel might not be as fit as James, but the edge always goes to borderline psychotic.

No one on Malakal realizes who Mary is when Jeff announces she’s been voted off, proving even further that they should cut the contestant number down to 16. At our first reward challenge, it’s essentially tackling each other and throwing bags into an end zone. It’s everything happening at once, so we’ll just throw in some highlights:

Amanda’s getting her ass kicked by every guy on the favorites tribe.

Eric pulls Eliza into the end zone, then smacks her in the head with the bean bag.

James take exception to Jason flipping Amanda over and hones in on him, manages to keep it practical and just take the bean bag.

Penner scores the winning point.

Favorites take reward which entails some camping utilities. They send Kathy to Exile and she looks disappointed. Why? I don’t know, she’s already recognized her ostracizing, why not take a stab at finding the idol again. Ami volunteers herself and is giddy about it. We’re not so certain Kathy will come back with the same enthusiastic demeanor after hanging out with Ami for a day that she did with Cirie.

Cirie sits around listening to the couples alliance bragging how much the other tribe members wanted to fuck them during the ultra physical challenge. Parvati admits to excessively muscular James that she is impressed he is excessively muscular. Cirie is mad she isn’t being courted for her vote. She’s like the Ohio of this Survivor season. And this is where the episode title comes in, for the most part she’s kidding, but you can tell a part of her is being serious. It’s something we haven’t really seen from her yet, and it ends up being just a tip of the iceberg.

Later, out on a boat, Amanda and Parvati are convincing Cirie to go all the way to the end as a core three alliance with Ozzy and James as their piggy-backers. If this comes to fruition it would be really disappointing. But Amanda and Parvati (especially Parvati) are fairly convincing in saying they would drop the prospective boyfriends in a heartbeat. Jon and Eliza fret (Eliza: they’re filling her head with lies! All lies!).

Kathy and Ami have to throw in the towel on idol searching as there is a monster storm coming in, and everyone has their own experiences with it. Ozzy sympathizes with the fans tribe, and that’s what makes him so likable. Jason on said fans tribe, is quite insecure about the whole thing, playing the, “Their probably all laughing at us card”. Well, I know you don’t have a mirror, but can you feel your body curled up in the fetal position?

Back at the fans camp post-storm, spirits are down, morale is at an all time low, Joel said the storm felt like it was his second beating of the day. Alexis is shivering pretty violently and says they cannot lose so apparently her spirit isn’t entirely crushed. Though her shaking indicates some lifelong repercussions from being out here.

At IC, Jeff explains to us that four people from each tribe, two men and two women are holding a basket in place with ropes, the other team is going to throw coconuts into said basket, the more you get into the other teams basket the quicker they drop it and thus the team who drop their basket first loses.

I felt like I did a shitty job of explaining the IC above, so here’s a visual interpretation.

Yau and Jason seem to excel and eventually everyone gets the hand of it, except for Joel, who never seems to do anything but stand around and glare, I’m assuming he’s holding a rope, but its hard to tell because the camera finds the favorites oh so hypnotic. The fans look like they’re starting to pull ahead, and about twenty seconds after I typed that the favorites drop the basket. Favorites are going to Tribal Council and if Cirie does side with the couples alliance, this season is going to take a turn down dipshit alley (minus Ozzy), and that is a Judgment Night-esque change of direction.

Back with the favorites who are about to send home another contestant, Ami is frustrated from the storm and the loss, while Yau and Jon decide to send home Parvati and the other alliance wants to get rid of Yau. Supposedly because he’s Asian and will obviously find the idol on his first visit to Exile. Penner is wise to the entire Parvati manipulating the two other men in her alliance. Penner and Yau really attempt to convince Cirie that they are not planning on going to the final two and Penner’s pleas fall on deaf ears. Cirie is really on something of a power trip. She’s pretending not to be, but her tone and demeanor would suggest otherwise. This woman apparently didn’t like being low on the totem poll in her original season.

Penner immediately goes over to Ozzy, because he has a modicum of sensibility and stands strong on voting for Eliza, and when he returns to his alliance, Amanda and everyone else does a really shitty job of convincing him for Yau. Mostly because voting out Yau makes no inherent sense. They’ve lost two immunity challenges already, Yau, though tiny, is fucking dominating in challenges. And I’m going to take this moment to say how annoying and absurd it is that Parvati and Amanda are controlling this game (minus Cirie). For whatever reason, the women want to vote for Yau and the men sensibly want to vote for Eliza, James uses his trademark and calls all of them dumb asses. He’s no different, because they should all turn around and vote out Cirie, hope to run through the rest of the challenges undefeated or just go into the next tribal council 4-4.

At TC, people summarize their situation and it sounds like we’ve known for the past fifteen minutes, its going to be Yau, Eliza or Parvati. At the moment I’d put my money on Yau, but he hasn’t been on camera at all really, so maybe not. Everyone gives self-absorbed answers and Cirie and Penner get into a heated argument. Penner is accusing Cirie of casting her vote out of self-interest and not in the best interest of the tribe, Cirie is claiming it’s nothing but sour grapes. Very well may be, but when you lie to get ahead, even in Survivor people are going to call you out on it. Penner isn’t making much sense and might even be acting a little self-righteous at the moment, but people aren’t going to thank you for completely fucking them over. We go to the vote, and Penner cast his for Parvati calling her an idiot for trusting Cirie, and Cirie votes for Yau calling him the biggest liar, they read as such:
Parvati
Yau
Yau
Parvati
Cirie (what the hell?)
Yau
Yau (fuck)
Yau
You have to be kidding me. Aren’t these people having supposedly played this game before? And just to show how graceful he is, he reassures one of the girls and tells her not to cry, then after he is “deflamed”, tells his teammates to have fun. This is a disappointment. He goes, yet everyone on the tribe minus Ozzy and Penner stay? Right now I could probably predict the pecking order, Penner is going to be the next out, then if Ami can convince all the women in the tribe to do the female empowerment thing, James and Ozzy will go next (in that order). If she cannot, it will be Eliza and Ami (also in that order).

Tonight: Penner and Cirie get into it again, Mikey’s now the one bringing the violent similes and presumably someone finds something at Exile, though it isn’t explained what.

Yau goes out as gracefully as Mary, if not more so and recognizes his ouster is part of a “cruel game”. He even acknowledges how lucky he is to have gotten to play twice. Just depressing in its earnestness.

Wire recap tomorrow.

We’re really looking at an entertaining episode this season. Two episodes in we have two entertaining (if non-commendable) episodes in a row. Here’s last week’s recap, let’s just jump right into this week’s.

We return with the favs walking back from TC, Ozzy snagged a fish on his way back with his bare hands. Seems like an even swap. Penner seems to be the only one that’s disappointed on a personal level, since he wanted to try and take him to final two (seems a little early to be making such grand plans, something tells me Penner doesn’t believe in the one day at a time approach to sports management) but on a team level he’s indifferent.

Over at the fans, who apparently haven’t been swept away in a hurricane, are trying to revamp their shelter. Alexis attempts to starts a fire with the flint and everyone sort of gathers around. Apparently none of these people have personalities because this all too close to Space Odyssey. For some reason, the fire isn’t coming so naturally now and it’s causing some strife. Kathleen is bitching about not having a place to sleep, the behemoth calls her out on her lack of productivity. Tracy, Chet and Kathleen are being maligned by the younger seven members. Its a standard two riffs in this game, somehow both working their way into this tribe before a single tribal council.

Ozzy is dicing up some sort of aquatic life and camera interviews how hot Amanda is but attempting to avoid a target on his back. Parvati and James aren’t nearly as concerned with discretion.

Man, James has really let himself go.

The older alliance at the fans has built there own little mini shelter, and the younger crowd asks Tracy for assistance with their new tribe. After the manner in which they vilified the older tribe members, this fairly embarrassing for the younger alliance even if they do not realize it. They put up close captioning for a “please, please, please, please” while trying to start a fire, I guess it was too illustrate their desperation but It was completely audible. You see Survivor? This is why Amazing Race always takes home the Emmy, because of weird shit like that. Now that everyone is eating, they’re all in good spirits.

Mary and Mikey are hitting it off, and he wants to simply use her to his advantage in the game. Muscle man Joel is observant enough to recognize it as a threat and suggests the three older tribe mates will still be the first to go, which means it will probably be him.

Aaannnnd Ozzy is already making out with Amanda, Cirie is amused. James is really putting forth his best hand to get a piece from Parvati. Penner wonders about the practicality of two couples hooking up in a cave with five other people that you’re trying to systemically eliminate from a game. Cirie gives a vote of confidence to the Penner-Yau-Eliza-Ami tribe. She’ll play her best hand though because she’s not an idiot.

At another Immunity and reward challenge, because we want to give returning members even more camera time, they’re collecting keys that they bat into the water after running across several lily pads and swimming to a platform which they leap off. The keys unlock — but what else? — Pieces to a puzzle, which forms a map of Micronesia. The reward is fishing gear and sending someone to Exile, plus a cliffhanger for a twist at the end of the challenge.

Ozzy and Jason kick off the challenge, Ozzy smokes him b/c Jason (the flying tomato kid who beat him to the island last week) was probably nervous and Ozzy is like the Michael Jordan of contrived obstacle courses. I imagine Ozzy was the most popular kid in his elementary school. Don’t worry, no shame in finishing second to Ozzy in one of these things.

In short, Alexis loses ground to Ami, Chet gains a little on Amanda until he loses track of the key and is completely incapable of finding it. Parvati gets the fourth key which leads Penner out. Mikey heads out for the fans and snags his on the surface of the water while Penner slowly but surely finds his. Eric ran the last leg and gets it rather promptly. Favorites get their puzzle open and solved before the fans even return with their key. The favs send Kathy to exile, then the aforementioned twist is favorites have to send one of their own, they go with Cirie because she is the least solidified with an alliance. And also because Cirie sort of volunteers herself, because the built in advantages are obvious.

At exile, Kathleen dawns her relief that Cirie was sent to Exile with her. Ironically, Cirie was on Exile Island. They decipher that the y need to go to the original island and find another clue, then to another island, then back to the first island that they were sent to from Exile Island. I guess they’re not taking the exile part entirely too seriously. The fourth clue sends them back to another island, and this whole thing is almost like a parlor game. They kept insisting they were close but how the fuck would they really know?

Back at the fans camp, Erik the ice cream scooper is petrified of going to TC. Mikey wants to split up the votes in the small chance that Kathy found the idol. His plan is pretty simple: the woman vote for Tracy, the guys for Chet, and the three older members will vote for whoever they vote for, but Chet should still go home because those four vote rules the day, and the three votes for the second person will at least ensure a tiebreaker for the member from the elder alliance play an idol. Joel plans on mixing things up because his brain hurts from Mikey’s “complexity”, which I guess means he’ll align with the older alliance? Not really sure what one person can do amongst ten that is all that beneficial to himself or the tribe in this situation.

Joel, Jason and everyone else want Mary home because she is Mikey’s closest ally. Not a terrible idea if they feel like Mikey is trying to make a power play. It keeps him in check and they still retain whatever challenge prowess he may have. There is no evidence he’s any more valuable in that regard than Mary, but who am I to judge? Kathy gets back and like everyone whose ever met her, loved Cirie. Joel immediately tells Kathy not to ask any questions, and just vote for Mary. It seems like he’s telling one too many people, but we cut to TC with that being the final plan laid. Mary also said she felt safe, which is never a good omen.

At TC, Probst makes it abundantly clear how annoying it is for everyone that Kathy stumbled into the senseless one time immunity idol. Mikey exalts his annoyance with Chet and he takes his inability to swim way too personally. Amazingly, two shelters have been built and they’re acting like there is a sense of unity amongst these seven. Jason warns Chet to be extremely nervous. Joel is a little too blunt for my taste, and the producers play some odd sound effect when he wraps up his tirade. They go to the vote, Mikey really diminishes Chet for one poor performance at a stupid fucking challenge. Alexis says, “I just went with the majority, I’m sorry”; but her vote is left unseen:
Chet
Chet
Tracy
Mary
Mary
Tracy
Mary
Mary
Mary
Oh! That has got to hurt. Joel cannot help but laugh which is pretty sinister considering how he just did a complete stranger. Have to love Probst’s summary of what transpired: “First tribal council, first blindside”. He might as well just urinate on her.

Anyway, so long Mary, we hardly knew ye, and very well might have been the best eye candy this show has seen since Michelle in Fiji. Honestly, I almost sympathize more for Mikey and the male viewers than for you.

Tonight: Cirie plays the hell out of that swing vote role, Joel plows over Yau Man and wraps up either Parvati or Amanda in a physical challenge while explaining to us, “If you come into my house, I will kill you”. I would say something disparaging and sarcastic about the lug, but I imagine he would be reading this in his house and I don’t want him to feel threatened. Plus, for whatever reason, my real name is on this page.

In her parting words, Mary is gracious in admitting she was totally shell shocked by her ouster, and is still rooting for her teammates. Now that, my friends, is an exit speech I am incapable of mocking.

Wire recap tomorrow.

Let me just say that I actually enjoyed this episode. Maybe it’s because I was familiar with about seven of the contestants, or maybe since they had been their before, they were prematurely strategizing. Either way, relative to every other Survivor premieres, this one has me most anticipatory for the season.

Onto the recap…

We start with a Long, elaborate introduction, with Jeff narrating the circumstances in typically heavy-handed fashion. Several of the returning contestants quickly summarize their thoughts and/or approaches to the game. I’ve been watching this show since the tenth season, which is a long time. And I get the impression they’ve been doing almost identical introductions for sixteen seasons and counting now. We might be overdue for a new opening.

This seems like as good a time as any to tell everyone that this season takes place on some island called Micronesia. The location reminds me of Microcosmos, a fantastic documentary on insects, which I’d usually consider an oxymoron, but take my word for it, its fucking riveting.

Its a interesting contrast from the fans to the favorites, the former is absolutely ecstatic to be there, while the favorites look incredibly downtrodden, sans Jon and Ozzy, and have no motive for being there other than the monetary reward. For whatever reason, all the favorites get their own personal introduction. It’s not terribly surprising that Yau-Man gets the biggest reaction from all the fans, and Amanda probably gets the smallest. It seems worth noting that it is pouring rain and no one is even remotely flummoxed or even pouts about it.

Jeff sends them to some canoes to paddle to their new homes, but adds that there are also new idols on the island where the canoes are docked that they can play only at the first tribal council. Ozzy and the track star that looks like the flying tomato beat the rest of the pack and are unable to find them, and for whatever reason no one seems to recognize that its the misplaced item at the end of each canoe. Whatever. Fairplay is first to pick up on it, grabs the one from the wrong canoe, Yau-Man sees him, they seem to simultaneously recognize that he has the wrong idol, thus they race to the end of the other boat. Yau-Man snags it, Fairplay’s head smacks into the canoe, and he precedes to bitch about Yau tackling him. Which, it would be aggravating, but Yau would struggle to wrestle a kitty to the ground, much less another human being. Kathleen manages to pick up the fans idol when Yau points it out to her.

The fans (Airai tribe) arrives at their camp to several cheers. We discover Chet is gay, and their is much discourse with the Idol grabber Kathleen over whether or not everyone is comfortable with it. Tracy’s nipping out like a Pamela Anderson circa 1998 on a bad (or good) day, Kathleen draws everyone’s attention to this as well. Everyone immediately dislikes Kathleen for talking about the gays and pointing out said nipples. And it is unclear if she is so crazily abrasive because of the idol, or because she got the idol because she is so crazily abrasive. Only Yau can clear this up for us.

These people were on television last Thursday. Swear to God.

Back at the camp with the favorites, James is appreciative of the additional help, and with him and Ozzy leading the helm the rest of the camp doesn’t need to worry much at all. James is completely falling for Parvati’s overt flirtation. Amanda is hitting it off with Ozzy, between the two developing relationships, Eliza is really frantic, though seemingly not repulsed like the majority of us.

Naturally, the fans have a difficult time building the shelter, essentially they’re sitting under a bunch of plants and the old woman with the idol breaks down in tears. Out of nowhere, Eliza, Ami, Jonathan and Yau pull together an alliance on the favorites. Penner suggests bringing Fairplay into the mix, but it looks like Ozzy and Parvati get to her first for their supposed alliance of them two, James and Amanda. Jesus, that shit paired off quickly.

Fairplay goes to the other alliance and plays them like a fiddle, everyone seems aware of it but does it anyhow. Penner immediately wants to get rid of Parvati, so much for Cook Islands loyalty. Fairplay laughs about the gullibility of his tribes already developing alliances. They know what he’s up to but almost seem resigned to having to trust him. Production seems to be intentionally editing out Cirie in the hopes we’ll forget she exists and the suspense here will actually be warranted.

Malakal is the name of the favorites tribe, Yau attempts to burn coconut husk with his glasses and a drop of water, and it works. Naturally. Man, between him, James and Ozzy, what chance do the newcomers stand? They get some treemail and all the fans camera interview about how the favorites simply do not see them coming. Do people really see this as some sort of battle of wills? Isn’t it going to be a total coincidence who wins all these immunity challenges? Experience is only so important when you’re solving random puzzles and participating in contrived feats of strength.

At IC, and I can’t believe I’m watching this, but the favorites are actually smug. The challenge consists of assembling wheels out of some form of plastic, then placing them on a cart. The fans, predictably, get out to an enormous lead. The favs crash on an enormous tree root and Eliza comically yet dangerously flips off and over the front of the cart. The favorites actually manage to catch up at some digging course of the challenge where they are gathering planks. The fans assemble their bridge as the favs are assembling theirs. The fans then get their wheels off their cart and solve the final puzzle, get the roundabout going while the favorites are still assembling their final puzzle and start the fire first or whatever. It’s like Superbowl XLII all over again.

(We’re in commercials right now, but its good to see Tony Sirico parlaying that Paulie Walnuts role into something tangible, and avoiding all typecasting. Like a mobster ordering breakfast at Denny’s. But remember, he wanted to go to AC. Conflict of interests much…)

Malakal arrives back at camp depleted and discouraged. Penner chalks it up to the fans naive enthusiasm. They all have a giant group conversation in the water about it and someone asks Fairplay what he’s good for, he claims morale and entertainment. He starts weeping about his pending child and predictably no one is all that moved. Parvati’s career has been updated from boxer to “charity organizer”. Did she find some rich sucker’s money to donate? Parvati suggests Fairplay tells everyone he wants to be sent off but with the intention of staying, just to throw everyone off the scent. Ami is one of many who won’t buy this song and dance.

At TC, Fairplay suggests the only problem at the challenge was over confidence. Speaking of which…never mind. Eliza and Fairplay lament the reputations they’ve built, since there’s might be the most damaging. Fairplay talks endlessly about his unborn child, Penner is all the happier to vote him out regardless of whether he is lying or not. And that’s a good strategy. Coming into this I assumed they’d vote him out in spite of his intentions, the fact anyone was entertaining the idea of using him as leverage was somewhat baffling. Anyhow, Penner and Yau both vote for Fairplay with some sarcastic and sincere parting words. The votes read as such:
Fairplay
Fairplay
Fairplay
Fairplay
Fairplay
He grabs a hug from Jeff, Malakal is given a flint and so concludes the premiere of the franchise’s sixteenth season. Not terribly engaging, but more so than usual given the alumni involvement. Though we will say all of the fans are virtually unrecognizable still. Given the assortment of returning castaways, if the favorites continue to lose we assume they will receive the majority of the camera time.

In his parting words, Fairplay manages to sound gracious, if not remarkably conceited. We can’t say he’s wrong when he claims he had everyone eating out the palm of his hand. Just one move too many at TC, I guess. There is a really great parallel to my reaction to seeing Fairplay for the first time in the most recent On Demand Wire episode, but we’re not trying to spoil anyone.

Next week the fans begin to fall apart because they haven’t eaten anything in lord knows how long. Ozzy makes out with Amanda. She always did seem somewhat frisky, but the most likely suitors in China were either gay or a virgin, so it never came to fruition. Well, there was what’s his name (Adam?) but he got sent home early in that absurd tribal mix up. Anyhow, until next time…

Back tomorrow with a Wire recap.

While we understand the motivation to label the Survivor veterans “Favorites” (namely, it makes for a catchy title), it doesn’t actually entail any sort of logic. Just because you have participated in something before or for a longer period of time, doesn’t necessarily imply that you are better at it. Dirk Nowitzki has been playing basketball for a few more years than LeBron James, but he is clearly the inferior talent.

Still, we like some of the people they brought back. Their interaction with some of the unfamiliar contestants will be interesting to see how people respond to them. We can’t say we’re familiar with all of them, but definitely the majority. And we’ll try to provide some insight along with the dick jokes.

Look at how organized! That’s how you know they’ve done this before.

Amanda
The amazonian beauty queen from Montana is back. You’ll recognize her from the dismal, much maligned China season that just ended in December. We’re glad to see her back though since she was grouped with such a ridiculous cast, she’ll either be evenly or overly matched going into this based on her performance last season. She has a pet horse though, which is somewhat obnoxious, but since she is from Montana we’ll ignore the fact that she currently lives in LA.

Ami
The barista with ice water in her veins. If she wasn’t so authoritarian, she probably could have done walked away with the million during Vanuatu. She is a threat, but we’ll see if anyone here other than Eliza is as easily manipulated as her female alliance was in her rookie season. And yes, this is the same Ami that we referenced in the earlier post, if she can last until the merge, playing that female solidarity card could be useful.

Cirie
Something of a hanger-on during her stint in the Panama season. She had a few pivotal strategical moves and certainly made it a lot further than anyone would have thought after coming within a short hair of being the first person eliminated. This was during what was probabl the most forgettable season to date in which Aras won the whole shebang. Remember him and Terry? The guy with all the analytical and physical skill versus the popular younger opponent, and the latter ended up knocking off the former during the last challenge, because the former had the immunity idol but failed to make any strategical plays with it? Yeah, that was her season.

Eliza
From the gender-aligned Vanuatu season we saw maybe two episodes of (we had to wait for the following season to actually begin to give a shit about this show). From what we could gather, Eliza was obnoxious, spoiled, entitled and divisive. She should be classified neither as a favorite to win the game nor a crowd favorite, but here she is in all her glory. All thirty pounds of her. She was one of Ami’s loyal foot soldiers for the majority of their time in Vanuatu, and we expect her to be the same here.

James
The over-sized gravedigger from last season whom everyone remembers infamously neglecting to play one of two immunity idols with only three tribal councils remaining. This guy doesn’t exactly take the crab out of crab soup, but he brings an otherworldly element to the game, one that’s as dense as it is physically imposing. We went all through last season with really wavering opinions about James, he has at times come off as boorish and shortsighted, but after his departure he was nothing but gracious and affable (though still somewhat boorish). We expect him to play a sharper social game this time around.

Jonathan
This is the same Jonathan that we referenced in the post earlier today. For as well as he played the hand he was dealt in Cook Islands, we still remember him most vividly for his “This is a game, there are no bad guys in monopoly line”. This season was top heavy with talent, and was also the infamous racially divided seasons that had everyone all riled up for about forty hours, and incidentally gave us three great contestants in Jonathan, Yul and Ozzy. Speaking of which…

Ozzy
The baddest, leanest, strongest, most versatile contestant we’ve ever seen in challenges. He makes everyone else look one-dimensional. We’re not sure about his entire ultra hippie vibe back here in civilization, he seems like the type who’ll eventually end up on a commune somewhere. But his desired lifestyle is ideal for Survivor. If there is anyone who can be entirely self-sufficient in this herd, it is Ozzy.

Parvati
Appropriately her last name is shallow, this is the same foxy boxer from the Cook Islands season, along with the two above candidates. She didn’t leave nearly the impression of the other two, and we’re not exactly sure what her strengths are, but we’re not sure if she has any real weaknesses either. Sure, she isn’t ideal for a puzzle challenge, but she never struck us as the last person you would want up there. Of course, we could be remembering things wrong. Anyhow, with two fellow Cook Island alums, she will at least have some allies.

Yau-Man
One of the nicest, easiest going, strategic contestants we can recall. He put his trust in “Dreamz” during the Fiji season, and that turned around to bite him in the ass, but watching him and Earl dice through the Alex & Companies alliance that season was something to beholden. The only strategic challengers we see within his alliance are…umm, Jonathan. Maybe Ami. Assuming he isn’t targeted and manages to make friends quickly, he should sustain a decent run.

Johnny Fairplay
We didn’t watch this season, but we know all about the “mother has cancer” play that he worked to a tee. While we find the move morally reprehensible, there is something to be said for someone so indifferent to humanity that he’s willing to disgrace everyone around him for the potential gain of a few dollars. If nothing else, you have to take several precautionary measures in dealing with him, which means he’ll definitely be a scapegoat the first time they lose an immunity challenge.

The difference between this set of contestants versus the “Fans”, is that everyone here has a past that everyone will most likely be familiar with. With all these pre-set notions flying about and circling over everyone’s head, we’re not exactly sure who aligns with whom, and so forth. Our predictions for a successful male and female candidate:
Jonathan
Amanda

Enjoy the premiere tonight, needless to say we never expect much from them, but were patient with Survivor, probably to our own detriment. However, if this season doesn’t improve on the last, we’re probably done with this show as well. We won’t quit on it before the finale, mainly because it’s a Survivor season and things can change for the better on a dime. But if there is more hogwash such as someone like Todd winning, or if there is as much James adulation here as there was in China, or generically comical special effects, then we’ll have to close the curtain on the only watchable reality show around.

Since we are so hard-pressed for decent scripted television, we thought we’d shift to an emphasis on reality game shows. Rarely do we ever discuss Survivor outside the context of an episode, but since we couldn’t stomach another links post, we figure we’d give our first impressions of the new contestants. A judge of the book by its cover post, if you will. We know absolutely nothing about this first batch of castaways, since they’re the challengers so to speak. We promise we’ll have something more insightful to add when previewing the returning contestants, but for right now we’re going to be deeply superficial.

We posted this picture yesterday, try to match the faces with the descriptions below. it might come easier than expected.

Alexis
Twenty-four and from one of my favorite cities in the country: Austin, Texas; Alexis has attained like 47 degrees in soft skills from USC. While this is all very impressive, it’s somewhat daunting that with all that devotion to higher education, matters of logic obviously behoove her otherwise she clearly would have stayed in Austin for school. Look for her to over complicate things due to her multiple, virtually worthless degrees, and with her background in non-profit work for empowering women/girls we are fully expecting her to become one of Ami’s minions (assuming both of the advance to the merge). Or who knows, maybe there will be a power struggle between the two, that would be the bees knees.

Chet
Probably a polar opposite from Alexis, Chet has lived in the same house since the day he was born in Fort City, PA. He describes himself as “magical”, so if shrinks someone’s head we can’t say he didn’t warn us, and in his spare time is a pageant coach. Spare time? What the fuck? Aren’t their enough overbearing mothers who force their kids into these things that the services of a pageant coach are a full time gig? Oh well, judging by his CBS photo, he looks like a white reincarnation of Ozzy.

Erik
A college student at Eastern Michigan, Erik is clearly a snowboarder. Or rather, he should be, because the resemblance to that flying tomato kid is uncanny. He’s also a University of Michigan football fan. So obviously in addition to being a pot-addled, snowboarding suburbanite, he’s also rather evil, and was probably the person who chucked that golf ball at my head in 2003. Expect him to fall and fall hard, much like everything associated with Michigan nowadays.

Jason
A student teacher at a middle school somewhere in Illinois, homeboy here is essentially what I imagine Erik aspires to emulate. When someone describes themselves as “liberal” or identifies himself with any other political ideology for a fucking Survivor bio, we’re quite certain this person will be immensely unlikable. If you’re so entrenched in your own bullshit that it’s one of your defining characteristics, we figure you’ll probably be entirely too self-righteous for a game that intricately involves a group of strangers walking on eggshells around each other in order to advance to the next round.

Joel
Assuming he doesn’t put too large of a target on his back, this guy will be a beast. A firefighter with no pretentious classifications anywhere on his CBS profile. He also has a college degree in human communications. It is from Arizona State, but still, the college degree in and of itself combined with the profession speaks to a well-rounded contestant. Never mind that the degree directly correlates to something imperative in Survivor.

Kathleen
The matriarch of the new contestants. She resides in Wisconsin, is married, and has an even more versatile work history then our current “Fan” favorite Jason. Judging by the age discrepancy between her and the rest of the new female castaways, she’ll probably have a tough time forming any kind of bond, which is always pivotal in the first few days at camp. We always like an underdog, so we’re rooting for her. At least until we see an episode.

Mary
Mary is a thirty year-old sales manager, whose worked in the same field her entire adult life. If you mosey on over to her CBS page, it’s easy to understand why. We’re not saying it’s her only asset, we’re sure she’s an absolute genius; but when CBS thinks enough of your upper torso to include it in your portrait while sporting nothing more than a bikini, it’s probably your most valuable one.

Mikey B
A Jonathan Penner clone, or so it seems. We’re never a big fan of the people who place their last initial at the end of their first name, but Penner is probably one of the three or four easiest contestants to root for in the history of this show, so we’ll give the “aspiring writer/actor” the benefit of the doubt. He (or CBS), like so many of the contestants above, mentions his pets as “who he lives with”, which is incredibly depressing. Anyhow, there is absolutely nothing about this guys profile to assume anything about his potential performance in the game.

Natalie
Another potential Ami minion, which we can only assume based on her self-description of being “bitchy and self-reliant”. A personal trainer so probably a threat in physical challenges. When she isn’t motivating people she most likely looks down on, her hobbies include toying with her ‘72 Cutlass Supreme and eating out and oh my god she’s a fucking clone of one of our friends girlfriends. Not surprisingly, she lives with her birds: Libre, Sebastian and Prince. For some reason we think she might be a little alienating.

Tracey
God damn it, a contestant we can’t really pigeonhole with some sort of stereotype. That’s never any fun but always flummoxing. Um, she’s a bit older than she looks, so there’s that. In addition to having some pet dogs, she also has children and much like Natalie, also enjoys fitness instruction. We are predicting an early alliance with these two. Given the generational similarity she shares with Kathleen, she is also a likely ally.

So that is only half of the cast, and doing predictions like this is always an exercise in futility. But if we were to pick one male and one female contestant to do well from the “Fans”, we’d probably go with Jason and Alexis. You can find more comprehensive predictions here and here.

Back later with a preview of the “Favorites” half of the castaways.

Just a few links to continue this dreary two week stint (and counting) on this website. The only television we watched last night was Daily Show and Colbert Report, both of which furthered the ongoing feud between the comedy central hosts and the future tonight show host. We have to say, in lieu of the writers, continuing this running gag is probably the best alternative for both parties. All three personalities were featured on both variety shows, look for Colbert and Stewart to pop up on Conan’s show some time in the near future (They may have already gone on last night, we didn’t bother to find out though).

Here’s something with Jeff Probst walking through the new tribal council for the upcoming Survivor season. We didn’t watch it, because any type of Survivor hype strikes us as unsettling, unnecessary and flat out corny, in fact its probably the sole reason we didn’t bother to watch the series for its first eight or nine seasons. Essentially, we’re just posting this as an excuse to remind you that there is a new season starting Thursday, and it can only improve from last season.

Here’s an incredibly misinformed article from The Guardian relating celebrity to American politics. Clearly, and we don’t know how else to say this: this cat has obviously never been to a red state. Anyhow, relative to the article, if we’re picking our nation’s leaders based on their caliber of celebrity endorser, Obama (Clooney and Larry David) beats Clinton (Ted Danson and Barbara Streisand) in a fucking landslide.

Jason Bateman confirms Jeffrey Tambor’s confirmation of his previous declarations. Also, he adds what we already did about the decision lying solely on Mitchell Hurwitz’s shoulders. Jesus, you know, its not like the majority of the cast is struggling post AD. Cera has been in two featured films that have grossed tons of money and critical acclaim, Bateman is regularly in films with large releases, Portia De Rossi is trudging along on Nip Tuck, David Cross and Will Arnett are perennially in pedestrian comedies. All this success and they still want to reunite, that in and of itself is surprising and almost unprecedented.

The one-time president of the Bluth Company.

It’s looking grim for the future of Friday Night Lights. Not exactly news, but when the president of entertainment admits as much, then there is virtually no reason to be hopeful. Naturally, this announcement comes in the aftermath of what is unequivocally their best episode of the season. Whatever, I’m sure they can fill their time slot with yet another hour of Deal or No Deal.

Speaking of our favorite melodrama, here’s an article with writers from The Office, Mindy Kaling (Kelly) and Ryan Koh, writing the synopsis for the final episodes of the current FNL season and the climactic (also comedic) scene of the finale. There are four other features similar to this in the article, with television writers taking over for series’ completely different from their natural skill set, though this is the only one involving two series’ we watch.

Oh, and in case you were really anticipating the end of the writers strike, just settle down. Because even if it ended to day, we’d still have a month long hiatus before a new episode aired. Oh, and the WGA would also like to remind you that a deal has yet to be reached. So yeah, don’t look to drop your new healthy and productive lifestyle just yet.

Jesus, what a slow fucking week this is. This reminds me of the time when I actually had a social life and didn’t woefully turn to the television for any sort of entertainment, only to be disappointed with my options when I actually did. At least now I know there is nothing worthwhile and have the good sense to not even bother turning to it.

So here it is, presented by default in accordance with my laziness, yet another batch of links. Nothing all that riveting or telling, but when your best viewing option consists of something like a two-hour long television episode about a group of people trapped on a tropical island with a polar bear, then perhaps links about off-screen industry news are for the best.

Montel Williams is leaving his talk show after seventeen years of tried-and-true exploitation. Call me crazy, but I was quite certain he parlayed his talk show into infomercials for pharmaceutical companies and had given up the talk show circuit awhile ago. Either way I could give a fuck, he’ll still be all over Fox News pimping anti-depressants.

The parents tv council (which I refuse to capitalize, because an organization with as much time on their hands as this one should really have a more creative name) is imploring CBS to reconsider airing Dexter on their home network. Supposedly the council is concerned about graphic violence (despite the show and the network already promising to edit the series heavily), which is a new one for them; typically they’re concerned about graphic sex. And while I would like to see CBS relegate Dexter to Showtime, it’s for a completely different reason. In short: that show fucking blows. The plot isn’t so bad, but the acting (from everyone other than Michael C. Hall and maybe the girl who played the doctor on OZ) and the dialog makes me squirm it’s so forced and unnatural.

He’s just using that knife for debate leverage, we have no idea what these people are worried about.

Gee whiz, it would be swell if HBO thought to greenlight another series not revolving around psychiatry. Judging by these ratings for In Treatment, it might be sooner rather than later. So wait, these ratings are indicating that the average American doesn’t have the patience to watch two strangers talk for a half hour? Wow. I never would’ve figured. But honestly, if the average American’s attention span can’t get him to watch The Wire, then it’s not going to respond to something like a grueling marathon of melodramatic swill that is in Treatment.

A “grow-house” was found in the neighborhood where Weeds shoots all of its offset scenes. Allegedly the plants were worth as much as $8 million. Man, so regularly you hear about marijuana being a gateway drug, but if that is the case, then how are they’re still enough customers to consumer $8 million worth? If everyone is eventually graduating to coke or whatever, then why the need for millions of dollars of weed in SoCal? Also, it might be a gateway drug, but I think that’s more the case with the dealers. Such a high percentage of them seem to delve into more illicit substances after a stint with cannabis.

James Gandolfini went after an aggressive fan, then took a picture with him. While the guy seemed like a baiting cocksucker, we have to wonder about this emotional fluctuation with the actor who played Tony Soprano. I don’t want it to be true but can’t help but notice: clearly Gandolfini is on steroids. That, or he was trying to avoid a frivolous lawsuit.

The LA Times took a beating from its readers emails lamented the paper spoiling Prop Joe’s death on The Wire. Most of the complaints were along the lines of, “some of us can’t orchestrate our lives around a television show to watch a second after its available”. While I can understand this brand of complaint (if there is one show that has the potential to make me homicidal for being spoiled by it, it’s The Wire) that not everyone can watch the new episodes immediately (not me, but you know, other people), the emails used as an example are so high and mighty that I’m almost glad they had “Transitions” ruined. Besides, if you didn’t see Prop Joe’s demise as an inevitability in the prior episodes, then you probably should find something else to watch.

And finally, some old Survivor castaway from a season before I started watching is starting a record label for reality television contestants. Good lord, we always knew 90% of reality show contestants were desperate, we had no idea they were also delusional. Not that the two character traits are always mutually exclusive, but this is a whole new level of delusion we didn’t think possible without being in a straight jacket. Anyone remember David from the Real World: New Orleans season? Yeah, expect more of that.

FNL recap tomorrow.

Just a few odds and ends to kick off the day here. The world of television is currently seeing the bottom fall out from under it in terms of quality (we don’t give a shit about Nielsen’s or quantity). Sure, we watched The Wire last night, and just like every Wire episode, it left us wanting more. Nip Tuck is officially off the schedule after Christian fucked an AIDS ridden girl off a balcony and she plummeted to her death, so that is no longer an option. Other than that…Well, HBO debuted a new series, which we chose to avoid.

For those who don’t know it is called In Treatment, and the basic premise is they make it as close to actual therapy without the viewer spilling any of his or her own guts. It’s a half hour long and airs Monday through Friday, taking place solely in the shrinks office. The therapist, played by Gabriel Byrne, treats the same patient once a week on the same day before visiting his own therapist to end the week. It’s an interesting approach, as therapy has become a popular TV tool ever since The Sopranos debuted. But with no back story, no frame of reference outside of the office, we’re not entirely sure what the drawing point is.

Television is ultimately about entertainment, and while it can be gritty, insightful, nuanced and metaphorical, there also has to be some enjoyable motive that keeps me watching or even convince me to watch in the first place. Random characters being portrayed on screen that I know nothing about sitting in a shrinks office does not qualify as such. Now, this series has gotten especially mixed reviews. Some like it, while others don’t. But while we can see the originality embedded in this series, were going to have to take a pass. If it had received universal praise, we would have sat down and at least taken in the first half hour (and we still might, should we be so restless). But with so many reviewers saying they were bored senseless combined with the unappealing premise, we opted to stay away.

This seems like yet another indicator to how far HBO has fallen. We’re not sure if Chris Albrecht is responsible for this or not, but the last few original programming efforts have been so futile, that it’s a wonder they didn’t hold a ceremony to officially hand the crown over to Showtime (who in their current success, isn’t anywhere as good as HBO in their heyday) with his departure.

Anyhow, what’s past is prologue, we’re sure to see HBO reclaim the throne eventually, they invest too much money in it to keep coming up empty. We will say that we are immensely looking forward to this John Adams miniseries with Paul Giamatti. Coincidentally, this miniseries is essentially as long as any series of television Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant have produced. How patriotic. On this side of the pond we buy in bulk, baby!

Now this is something that draws our attention.

Switching gears, CBS has extended Survivor too a 17th and 18th season. It seems like CBS keeps adding seasons on to a series that no one is all that interested in seeing canceled, which is fine but the announcement like it’s something unexpected is getting tiresome, since they add new seasons every four-six months. Why don’t they just come out and say that despite not pulling the same audience it did in its inaugural season, it still draws a loyal 15 million viewers every week, is still easy to cross promote with morning shows, and with the right cast can be as suspenseful and entertaining as anything else on network television; thus they’re keeping it around indefinitely?

And yes, they have a new season starting in the next week or so, and we will be recapping it in spite of that horrible, 15th season.

And we also kept forgetting to mention, that there is a new series on Starz that we caught the pilot a few weeks ago entitled Hollywood Residential. It’s improvisational and takes place on the set of a home improvement-esque series. We have only seen about twenty minutes of the first episode (we no longer have Starz) but