Here we are, probably the last post solely dedicated to The Sopranos. As a coma-stricken Tony might ask, “Who am I? Where am I going?” I am clearly suffering from something of an existential funk as of now, and it will probably last up until the 5th season premiere of The Wire. Enough reminiscing, lets do this thang…
We open with yet another scene of Tony waking up in his bedroom, of course its a beaten down mattress in a safe house and he’s clutching a gun that could take down a helicopter; instead of his bed in the kingdom he and his lineage rest their heads. Still, his jowls have not gone anywhere.
Tony and Paulie sit in a vehicle that is supposed to be incognito at the airport, but really just looks suspicious based on where they take it. Presumably they’re waiting for a mob meeting and Paulie complains about said guys lack of punctuality. Tony, as has been an ongoing theme this season, does not want to hear his incessant yammering, instructs him to just enjoy the music.
The late party turns out to be Agent Harris, Tony inquires about the two potential terrorists he gave them information about, Harris’ news is somewhat distressing and says it happens all the time. Tony gets forceful and wants to know if he’s lying to AJ when he says its all bullshit. Harris gets a call from his bitchy wife and they predictably argue, Tony gives him some more info about the potential terrorists having an account at some bank under the guise that he “just remembered”. Harris is understandably skeptical, then Tony asks for a favor and wants to know if his Brooklyn contacts have any idea where Phil Leotardo is hiding. Its probably the most transparent ruse Tony has ever tried to pull, which is accurate because he is desperate at this point.
Tony and fat driver guy go to an ominus little waterfront property, where Meadow, AJ and Carmela are all apparently staying. Carmela is worried about some odor in the house and is thinks it is toxic. She bitches about not being home, there might be some more pressing issues, here Carm. I know your husband’s a sick degenerate but have chosen to ignore that, so you might want to show some concern for his, you know, life.
AJ lets out Rhiannon and Tony kindly suggests using the back door. Carmela is concerned that she may be loose lipped while in the company of her peers, disclosing her location. When he walks into the kitchen, Tony says he wouldn’t kick her out of bed for purging cookies (a not so subtle reference to her being a bulimic) and AJ says that they are just friends to which Tony replies, “I know, nice job”. In my circle of friends, and mind you we’re all twenty-five, when one of us “befriends an attractive woman, we usually give him shit for being doing so because either he is pursuing her sexually and she knows it, but is not interested and is stringing him along for whatever he can do for her; or he has brought the subject up and was rejected, but is clinging to her because she will talk to him and he is still somewhat smitten. In other words, I was glad Tony called AJ out on how ridiculous it is to, of all the people in the world to be friends with, he has chosen an attractive high-schooler recovering from an eating disorder.
Carmela and Tony tell AJ about Bobby’s funeral, AJ questions it and they reassure him it is safe because of thew FBI presence.
At the wake, everyone sits and mingles about the food, not really mourning in any way. Pointing out the over-indulgence and materialism that Chase obviously believes permeates this country.
Meadow invites Paulie to sit down at her table where they are talking about the Oscars. Paulie is in rare form here, even for him, he throwing out these gems:
“In the midst of death, we are in life”. -After undoing his zipper in front of everyone and explaining how much he ate.
“You can take 2007 and give it back to the indians”. -Discussing how many friends he’s lost in the year. So far.
Meadow’s new boyfriend attempts to change the subject by asking either someone in particular or the table in general if they had seen Dreamgirls, prompting AJ to go ballistic about the dire state of the world, and how the concept of America is a noble and necessary one, but the we sell out the more valiant and important aspects of freedom for inconsequential objects and self-interest. AJ gets a little off track and isn’t terribly cogent here, to which Bobby’s niece has pointed out. He goes so far as to quote Yates, which he pronounces “Yeets”. The conversation ends when Paulie cracks a joke about terrorist regimes that I can’t quite understand but him and Bobby’s niece laugh at. So clearly it was funny!
The guys all sit around the safe house watching a Twilight Zone episode about the importance of the writer to television. I was actually listening to a Paul Shirley interview while writing this, and in the interview he says, “When people with money get involved, everything gets dumbed down.” This seems to summarize David Chase’s opinion of the four broadcast networks. Of their situation, Tony says it’s not all bad since he hasn’t eaten a green vegetable in a week, he hollers something and out of nowhere a stray cat comes scampering over to eat his discarded food. Carlo invites Tony to visit Silvio at the hospital, he declines everyone looks pissed but unsurprised.
In little Italy, a tour bus rolls by while the guide lectures about how it has been reduced to a few shops, while Butchie exits one of the stores, Phil calls him to bitch about Tony not being killed first. Butchie non-verbally suggests calling an end to it, Phil hangs up on him and he comes to discover that while invested in his heated conversation with Phil, Butchie has stumbled into Chinatown and out of Little Italy as a result of it being so diminished by corporate overrun.
Tony shows up at Janice’s and walks through the back where she is contemplating just how narcissistic she can be. When her and Tony get talking, she claims she is nothing like her mother while acting exactly like her, just not as aggressive. She says she needs to watch her weight to snag another husband,. And though it is meant as a joke it still seems like a really callous thing to say. They reminisce about the monopoly fight and Bobby’s “absent” sense of humor. He asks what she is doing now. Janice says Sophia (her stepdaughter) is out of her mind if she thinks she’s getting out of this house. Tony reminisces about how when Johnny bought the house Janice currently lives in, behind it was all cornfields (”Scotch (bangs chest), and soda”) . Tony says she could form a new nuclear family and drag Harpo into their mess. She says he changed his name to Hal. Tony leaves.
As he’s leaving, he gets a call from Harris’s chest hair, I mean Harris, but his chest hair clearly has a mind of its own, about the locale of Phil, he is with some stern looking female agent, whom I guess he had to sleep with to get that information as she looks on disapprovingly.
Benny and someone else look for Phil.
AJ and Rhiannon sit in his car in the woods listening to Bob Dylan classics, AJ calls him “this guy”. She is trying to talk him into sex. He says this could be a mistake, she says they are good friends, then lean in and start making out before she straddles him and takes off her shirt, smoke starts coming through the AC vents and AJ is to distracted to notice right off the bat, he does eventually see the engine in flames, they run out of the car and watch it explode. It seems to be quite cathartic for him.
Cut to Tony and Carmela bitching out AJ. These are some of the best scenes with Gandolfini, wanting to let all his sociopathic rage out on his son, but doesn’t because he pities AJ and Carmela won’t let him. AJ says it may be good that he takes the bus because we have to lose our dependence on foreign oil.
Listening to a tape recorder of Tony reaching out to a third party to get him and Butchie in the same room where no one would be in danger.
At a random warehouse, Tony greets some guy named George and his friends. It plays like a potential ambush, we cut to the middle of the debate, Butchie brings up Phil’s dead gumar. Tony calls out Little Carmine, who hesitantly chimes in, “It didn’t have to be this way”. Tony rolls his eyes as if to say, “no shit”. Tony says his price is he helps them get a location on Phil, Butchie refuses but says he will not interfere. Butchie also agrees to pay out for Bobby’s death to Janice.
The Sopranos are back home and bitching about the surplus of mail. It was probably worth the safety precaution, Carm. Your husband would be dead if not for that formidable stack of paper.
Paulie is freaking out about the cat being in the back of Satriales, Tony overrules him and calls the cat, “a good guy”.
Pat and Junior are staring out the window looking at birds at Juniors new state funded digs. He thinks Janice is Livia when she confronts him (That’s actually a compliment, considering whose on the receiving end of it), she shows him a picture of there kid and he calls her Janice. He’s always a generation behind. Junior regales some story about Janice leaving the stove on with a wet dish rag. Janice tells Junior about Bobby and he has no recollection, nor shows any remorse. She tries to extract sympathy by saying, “I’m a widow now”.
Cut to Pat talking about how she was unveiling him, Tony says he can rot.
AJ in therapy is shot identically to the scenes Tony has with Melfi, with her legs are even protruding out from her skirt and seem to be the central focus, he’s in amazement about being in his car seat a few seconds before it melted. Much like his father was after he survived his attempted hit.
Paulie walks into the Bing screaming for Carlo, he’s not around, its similar to that when he saw the Virgin Mary on the stage. Paulie calls Tony to tell him Carlo didn’t show. Tony wonders if he flipped, Paulie recalls that his kid Jason was picked up for selling Exstacy, making the answer obvious.
Carmela goes to talk to Meadow and Hunter is in the room (Chase’s actual kid and has been MIA since Meadow went to Columbia), she was kicked out of school for drinking and that was apparently the last time she has seen her, but has since gotten her act together and is now in Med school. At this news Carmela virtually runs out of the room.
Down in the living room, Patsy, his wife are with Carmela, Tony, Meadow and their kid, while Patsy’s wife is butchering the “horse with the long face joke”. Tony asks about their other son, Jason, the one that Carlo’sd kid (the other) Jason hangs out with. Things get tense at the mention of this. So it seems clear that Patsy and his wife know about him turning. The topic changes to Meadow’s future career, she is now looking to join a high payig law firm instead of going the ACLU route. I am not sure which is worse. Anyhow, her and her husband look like future mob lawyers.
Back at Satriales, the cat stares at the picture of Chris they have hanging. Paulie tells some guy named Walden to move the cat, he refuses and Paulie grabs a broom when Tony walks in and he pretends to be sweeping. As Walden leaves, Paulie gives him shit about his name, he said he was named after Bobby Darin, Paulie “Ewhh”’s at him.
Tony offers Paulie the construction job, Paulie doesn’t want it because of the typical early departure of the leader of that crew. Tony says he is “miffled”. Paulie walks out, looking conspicuous.
Tony pulls up alongside AJ, who’s jogging down the street and starts mouthing the melody to the Rocky theme song. AJ hops in the car and Tony says he is going to get back at it himself. AJ says he is joining the Army, but hasn’t signed up yet (He has to clarify it with Rhiannon), AJ says it will help him with his career, Tony is quick to point out that he doesn’t have a career, he says he wants to be Trumps personal pilot eventually. Tony says they want another chance to talk before he commits to anything and also says he’s not telling Carmela about the newfound idea.
Tony tells Carmela while she lies in a bathtub.
Tony thanks AJ’s therapist for “getting him out of his room”, but asks what’s the point if he’s going to be “cannon fodder”. Carm walks in and Tony says it may be good for him, Carmela said it would be great if a war wasn’t taking place. New Lady Therapist says AJ wants to take all of his energy and focus on the terrorists, but she can’t reveal anymore. Tony bitches about that fact, since they are footing the bill. Tony goes into a long tangent about his mother. It’s really off topic.
Tony is “sake bombing” with Meadow and they argue about her career path. He says of the last time you talked, “you wanted to be a lawyer for black people”, she gets mad and says the state can break the individual, he asks incredulously, “New Jersey?”, though she was referring to the federal government. She says she would have been a boring suburban doctor if not for all the times he was dragged off unjustly by the feds. He doesn’t say anything but facial ticks, “You actually believed that shit. Standards to practice law are low these days.”
Phil pulls up to a gas station with his wife driving and their two grandkids. Phil is barking at his wife about picking up drugs from the pharmacy when Walden comes up from behind and shoots him in the head. His wife hops out of the car, while it is in drive or neutral, hysterical, and the car tire rolls over his head. There is some great editing here between seeing the front part of the tire start to crush Phil, then a cut to a group of four kids, then a cut to the two babies in the car as it makes this crushing noise, then a cut to some random onlooker going, “holy shit”, then to one of the four kids vomiting.
Someone walks in to Agent Harris’ office, informing him that Phil Leotardo was hit. To which Harris slapped his hand on the desk and replied, “We’re going to win this thing”. Apparently, this actually happened.
Carmela and Tony are talking with AJ about some alternatives to military service. AJ descends down the steps in a Tony-esque robe. Carmela asks how one person can make a difference, he says he can join the CIA and with learning Arabic he’ll be a valuable commodity. Tony calls him out about it, he lashes out. Carmela suggests not getting his legs blown off, he replies, “always with the drama”. Yeah, he’s a Soprano. They suggest working on a film that Little Carmines studio is doing, and with his friends in film school, he can make some contacts and get things off the ground for them. Then possibly open a club(s) and have a celebrity angle to approach it with. AJ reminds them that Carmine does porn. Tony keeps his cool, says he did “Cleaver” and that he is branching out.
Tony meets with his lawyer in the back of the Bing. And informs him that the news isn’t good and there is about an 80-90% that he’s indicted, with the gun charge and several others. As he piles on the list of charges, Tony rips the ketchup bottle he is struggling with out of his hand and slams it down. Lawyer says, “trials are there to be won”, which doesn’t exactly set his mind at ease.
Tony goes to visit Silvio, who’s just lying there and never talks. He hugs Gabriella while Little Miss Sunshine plays on the television. He looks like he’s having flashbacks to when he was in a similar predicament.
Out in front of Satriale’s, it is just Paulie and Tony and the former is working on his tan. They argue about the cat, and Paulie not having any money to leave his niece who has MS, which Tony feels should be enough incentive to take the position he is offering. Tony says that since Chris has passed, his gambling luck has done a 180, Paulie gets mad that its okay for him to believe in karma and the supernatural, but not him. Paulie tells him about seeing the Virgin Mary when he was worried about potentially having cancer, Tony makes fun of him and Paulie gets upset that he’s cracking jokes. Seems Paulie is really frightened of death. Tony ropes him in by saying that he’ll give Patsy the job. Paulie caves, “I live but to serve you, my liege.” It really is depressing staring at just the two of them standing outside that little meat store, wherein there used to be close to a dozen men standing out there at anytime. Live by the gun, I guess
AJ walks outside talking about his new BMW, justifying having it saying it gets 23 mpg on the highway and that’s better than the SUV. Get a Altima, or a Cobalt homeboy. He picks up his high school girlfriend, at high school.
They go home and laugh it up in front of a television as Karl Rove dances like a leader of the free world, or a dipshit, you categorize it how you would like.
Tony goes to meet Junior at the state hospital and tries to advise him on his money and confront him about shooting him. He is so fargone that he has no idea who he or Tony is, Junior says a man from another galaxy came to see him, Tony says that is his accountant and Junior, frustrated, says, “I’m confused”. Damn, Dominic Chianese is a fantastic actor. He seems to get a semblance of a who he is when Tony says, “this thing of ours”; When Tony says they ran North Jersey (him and his dad), Junior replies, “That’s nice”. As if to explain how quaint and insignificant their practice is. Tony runs out of there scared shitless.
Final scene:
Tony walks into Holstens, and scours the place.
At his table he observes every person that walks in and skims the jukebox at his table.
finally settling on “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey. How Jersey, or college.
We see a woman with a vague resemblance to Janice. Then a trucker.
We see Carm walk in and get camera shots of a young couple and some boy scouts.
They say hi. Shot of some trucker drinking coffee, Carmela explains that Meadow will be a little late because she went to the doctor. Tony looks concerned, Carmela senses it and explains that she was switching birth control. Tony looks sorry he asked.
Carmela asks about their lawyer and Tony explains he is probably going to trial.
The song goes into the chorus right when a suspicious looking guy walks into the restaurant and AJ’s directly behind him.
They talk about onion rings while eating some.
Meadow tries to park as the same shady guy that AJ followed inside sits at the counter looking over his shoulder at their table. AJ bitches about his job and his parents tell him to suck it up.
AJ heeds his fathers advice and says he’ll try to focus on the good times, which Tony once said (final scene of season one). Tony thinks he’s being sarcastic before having it explained to him that AJ was being literal, Tony concedes that he guesses it is true.
The same gentlemen from the counter walks to the bathroom directly passed their booth but does nothing.
Two black guys walk in.
Meadow finally gets her car parked on a virtual airport strip and runs inside.
We hear the bell ring when the door opens, Tony looks up while the music says “Don’t Stop” and it cuts to black, in silence.
Fucking phenomenal. This is just a detailed synopsis. If you want to read about finale theory, go here, here and here.
