Grid Effect

We’ve never done one of these for a Friday or Saturday night. One, because these two nights are generally where series’ go to die. Two, even if they weren’t, no one watches television on weekend nights, and if they do, the viewing preference tends to be either sports or film. And three, it’s rare if there are even series’ on any of the major channels, usually it’s some sort of variety show or a five year old movie. So doing a preview for that always seemed pointless, but that is where we are with this television blog. Willfully writing posts we know are pointless. And even more so than usual!

NBC

8pm: Most Outrageous Moments

We’ve commented on this series before, as we did not really understand the context. But it looks like it is the exact same format as America’s Funniest Home Videos with a more ambiguous title and wholesome show host. Not exactly our cup of tea, but we understand its mainstream appeal, few Americans find anything funnier than someone repeatedly being kicked in the groin. “Haha, he’ll never be able to bear children. It’s hilarious!”

9-11pm: Dateline

We’re not avid viewers of the magazine journalism series, but if you look at its webpage, it seems like the show’s sole reason for existence is to make you believe that everyone you see in public poses some imminent threat. To which I say: Good for them. We do not have nearly enough paranoia in this country. I’m just glad to see someone has taken up the cause of keeping us all on our toes.

ABC

8pm: AFV

Alright, this is actually an abbreviated acronym for America’s Funniest Home Videos. Why is it abbreviated? Well, because there is no “H” for home. Where did the “H” go, though? They probably did some market research that revealed that people do not respond kindly to the letter because it reminds them of “Hussein”, or people do not like four letter acronyms because they’re generally the territory of some fringe lobbyist group, like PETA.

Anyhow, the strike has brought us home video shows going head to head in a primetime slot. The ramifications of this are yet to be determined. We’ll have to wait a few years to see if this is a good thing that it’s at least done on a Friday night, or if it’s a bad thing that it’s taking place at all.

9pm: According To Jim

Back to back repeats on a Friday night….Well, it’s good to see our evening plans have been made for us. Few things are more rewarding on a warm Summer night in June than curling up on the couch to watch a full hour (with commercials!) of G-rated “That’s what she said” jokes.

10pm: 20/20

Outside of According To Jim, NBC and ABC are essentially mirror images of each other tonight. If I’m planning on watching any of this swill tonight, I’m going to NBC for my wacky “caught on camera” clip show, then heading over to ABC for the superior TV journalism, and that is despite my intense hatred for all things ABC.

FOX

8-10pm: White Chicks

One day they’ll look back and say, “those were the glory days”.

Wow, FOX isn’t even trying. I mean, they are mailing in an entire evening of subpar ratings with a subpar movie that no one watched when it came out. Get ready to be destroyed by According To Jim reruns. I mean, they could have at least sprung for Deuce Bigalow. It’s still tripe, but it’s tripe that drew a decent box office.

CBS

8-10pm: Ghost Whisperer

It appears Friday night in June is repeat night for the networks. Unless you’re doing hard-hitting journalism like investigating a murder that took place ten years ago, you are going into the vault. Speaking of Ghost Whisperer, we mentioned earlier that Friday night is where network series’ go to die, so is the Jennifer Lover Hewitt vehicle the longest running Friday night series of all time? It’s been about five years, has anything in recent history even come close without being moved to a more desirable slot? there’s a feather in your cap, Miss Hewitt.

10pm: Numbers

Yes, I’m aware the title has the number “3″ in place of the lowercase “e”. But we’re not quite willing to acknowledge that as part of the lexicon. Sorry Numbers fans. Anyhow, we’re familiar with this series for one reason and one reason only, this is the series that pulled Diane Farr off of Rescue Me. The lone interesting (albeit often hypocritical) female character in the firehouse (or on the entire series, really). So fuck you, Numbers. Being on Friday night means you’re not long for this world and we couldn’t be any happier.

Those are your options for tonight. If you’re like most people, and you like to get out one night and stay in on the other during your weekends, we recommend getting out tonight, because tomorrow literally can’t be any worse.

Also, one quick note before parting ways, Alan Sepinwall’s second Wire recap has been posted. If you were a fan of the series, we strongly encourage reading not only this one, but all of them. As far as we know, no one has dissected the first season episode by episode. At least not in this detail. Enjoy.

My apologies for neglecting the site yesterday, but it’s not as if I was off in the Caribbean getting drunk with models or anything. But rather had to pull a Jason Kidd and sit out the one day. The only difference being that we actually had a migraine. We could have posted yesterday, but it would have been even more incoherent than usual, and that doesn’t do anyone any good. This post is later than usual because we are trying to catch up on some work and varying after effects. Never the less, we are still TV-less on this television website, so here are some more links. We are happy to mail it in everyday, migraine or otherwise.

The FCC is suing FOX over Married By America. I can understand the FCC intervening in shows like 24 or Desperate Housewives or something similar. I don’t condone it, but I can see the logic. Suing a reality show that’s participated and determined by the very people the FCC is supposed to be sheltering…then what’s the point?

Well, on Friday we suggested this might be the case, and you are not going to believe this but, John McCain indeed lied about watching The Hills. I know, I know, it’s shocking. It’s not as relevant as some of Clinton’s gaffes, but it is no less embarrassing. Actually, the situation would probably be all the more alarming if a presidential candidate was actually watching anything on MTV.

If we had any interest in trying to parlay this pedestrian blog into an actual newspaper gig, then we might be shit out of luck. Why? Because like The Wire taught us, newspapers are more interested about their ever depreciating bottom line. And while TV critics might bring in a certain audience the paper wouldn’t otherwise get, they are certainly not the lifeblood of a city publication.

So it looks like the writer’s strike gave networks plausible deniability about some of their series’, and as a result fewer than usual are going to be canceled. Maybe that was the hidden agenda of the writers strike? I mean, if you work on October Road you’re probably getting the boot after a few episodes anyways, right? Might as well encourage a strike, use it as an excuse for unemployment, then if you’re lucky, you’ll have a series to return to work on in the summer. It’s genius, actually.

Is there anything about this series that isn’t wholesome?

According to Jason Katims, there won’t be any significant changes in style or theme for the upcoming season of FNL, just format. Well, you can attempt to cover it all you want Mr. Katims, but we heard differently. Obviously he’s a tool for the corporate machine. Man.

HBO is taking the summer off. Partly as a result of the strike, and partly because they can. So, um, Mad Men will still be around, right? Maybe It’s Always Sunny? God, this site can only become so unappealing before the internet swallows it whole.

And finally, NPR pays tribute to the South Park character least likely to ever listen to an NPR broadcast. At least they acknowledge the series still exists. I figured after the “Smug Alert” episode they were dead to National Public Radio.

Back with something equally bland tomorrow.

It looks like we’ll have more material within a couple months. Why is that, you ask? Well, because the strike has, for all intensive purposes come to an end. Depending on which side you listen to, the other side won (not terribly surprising that everyone in Hollywood opts to play the victim card). But still, they can at least move on from all this hullabaloo and get back to entertaining us. In two months time we should be having weekly recaps of The Office, and, ummm, huh; well, maybe additional Friday Night Lights episodes. Well, that’s on top of South Park, which should be returning sooner rather than later.

So for the foreseeable future on Grid Effect, we’ll be recapping Survivor and The Wire. At some point in the next couple months South Park will be added to the docket, followed by The Office and potentially (though unlikely) FNL will be recapped as well. That’s five shows, about the best we ever do on this website.

If you’re a fan of the outrageous as opposed to the realistic, then I have some bad news for you, my friend. It appears Heroes and 24 are both done for this television season. That means no detonating nuclear missiles and no cheerleader that always wears her competitive outfit, even while saving the planet. If these things appeal to you, then 2009 will look much brighter than 2008. Also, if you’re looking for an upcoming schedule of which series’ will return to the airwaves when, then look no further.

The strike cost tinseltown an estimated $2 billion dollars. $2 billion. What is the country spending on the war per month? Doesn’t this have to ballpark it? $2 billion for roughly three months is $666,666,666 per month. Clearly I need to be making friends with these people as opposed to mocking them and their sometimes lazy, pedestrian work.

According to a recent survey — which are never inaccurate, much like exit polls — half of all British men would sacrifice six months for a new plasma. First off, six months is nothing. In the immortal words of George Costanza, “I could do six months on my head”. Secondly, suppose we lived in Britain, if we were to give up sex for six months for anything, it would probably be a pizza, or a cheeseburger, or something remotely edible. Not like the awfulness that is mainstream over there. And thirdly, if we’re giving up sex with just Great Britain residents, it’s not something we’d consider a huge loss. So we’d probably be willing to sacrifice sex in Great Britain for six months for a pack of mentos and a new basketball….But that’s just us.

To be fair, we value a pack of these like most people value their offspring.

For whatever reason, Craig Ferguson is voluntarily suggesting that should Letterman leave his post, that Jon Stewart should be named his successor, and not him. I mean, he’s right, but that’s not entirely the point. Has anyone ever voluntarily given up his opportunity to move up a time slot in the late night game? Christ, even Carson Daly is contending to fill Conan O’Brien’s shoes. And as little as we think of Craig Ferguson, Daly makes him look like Carson. In a way I admire this. He’s content with his position (which is a comfortable one) and doesn’t have an over-sized ego that needs validation, but it’s just so atypical.

FNL wasn’t intended to be a cliffhanger on Friday, which we find befuddling. They knew a strike was looming, they knew how many episodes they made and they knew what would happen in the final episode. So…what was the intention again? Look, we know you’re trying to bait Ben Silverman into extending the series at the expense of your fans, and that is fine, just own up to it. As fans, most of us probably appreciate the effort. But your series is too good for us to think you’re a retard, so just own these shenanigans and we’ll call it a day.

Finally, The Wire gets some award recognition. Along with 30 Rock, the WGA anointed these two programs best writing in a comedy and drama. I guess this is appropriate, writers recognize great writing, and is just another indication that we need to start watching 30 Rock.

Speaking of The Wire, here’s an interview with Lance Reddick and how he almost came to play crack addicted Bubbles instead of the straight and narrow, well-intentioned yet ladder climbing police lieutenant. I wonder if there’s any mention of those Cadillac commercials. Enter into this with caution, he has a completely different voice than what he uses on the series, the only person it seems like you can’t say that about is the one character with the most uniquely baffling accent: Snoop.

That’s all we have for the time being, back tomorrow with — yyyyyaaaaawwwwn — probably more of the same.

Just a few links to continue this dreary two week stint (and counting) on this website. The only television we watched last night was Daily Show and Colbert Report, both of which furthered the ongoing feud between the comedy central hosts and the future tonight show host. We have to say, in lieu of the writers, continuing this running gag is probably the best alternative for both parties. All three personalities were featured on both variety shows, look for Colbert and Stewart to pop up on Conan’s show some time in the near future (They may have already gone on last night, we didn’t bother to find out though).

Here’s something with Jeff Probst walking through the new tribal council for the upcoming Survivor season. We didn’t watch it, because any type of Survivor hype strikes us as unsettling, unnecessary and flat out corny, in fact its probably the sole reason we didn’t bother to watch the series for its first eight or nine seasons. Essentially, we’re just posting this as an excuse to remind you that there is a new season starting Thursday, and it can only improve from last season.

Here’s an incredibly misinformed article from The Guardian relating celebrity to American politics. Clearly, and we don’t know how else to say this: this cat has obviously never been to a red state. Anyhow, relative to the article, if we’re picking our nation’s leaders based on their caliber of celebrity endorser, Obama (Clooney and Larry David) beats Clinton (Ted Danson and Barbara Streisand) in a fucking landslide.

Jason Bateman confirms Jeffrey Tambor’s confirmation of his previous declarations. Also, he adds what we already did about the decision lying solely on Mitchell Hurwitz’s shoulders. Jesus, you know, its not like the majority of the cast is struggling post AD. Cera has been in two featured films that have grossed tons of money and critical acclaim, Bateman is regularly in films with large releases, Portia De Rossi is trudging along on Nip Tuck, David Cross and Will Arnett are perennially in pedestrian comedies. All this success and they still want to reunite, that in and of itself is surprising and almost unprecedented.

The one-time president of the Bluth Company.

It’s looking grim for the future of Friday Night Lights. Not exactly news, but when the president of entertainment admits as much, then there is virtually no reason to be hopeful. Naturally, this announcement comes in the aftermath of what is unequivocally their best episode of the season. Whatever, I’m sure they can fill their time slot with yet another hour of Deal or No Deal.

Speaking of our favorite melodrama, here’s an article with writers from The Office, Mindy Kaling (Kelly) and Ryan Koh, writing the synopsis for the final episodes of the current FNL season and the climactic (also comedic) scene of the finale. There are four other features similar to this in the article, with television writers taking over for series’ completely different from their natural skill set, though this is the only one involving two series’ we watch.

Oh, and in case you were really anticipating the end of the writers strike, just settle down. Because even if it ended to day, we’d still have a month long hiatus before a new episode aired. Oh, and the WGA would also like to remind you that a deal has yet to be reached. So yeah, don’t look to drop your new healthy and productive lifestyle just yet.

So, is there a more appropriate post to do the day after the Superbowl? I really can’t think of anything relevant outside of the game. Speaking of which, and we don’t want to complain too much, we won a bundle of money last night and enjoyed it thoroughly, but after watching thirty seconds of the Puppy Bowl on Animal planet, the latter clearly had better production values then the former. I mean, they had a camera on the bottom of the water bowl. This is the Animal Planet equivalent of the Card Cam in poker. A freaking camera! We all get to look the puppies in the eye as they are enjoying their sustenance. Man, that is genius.

This pretty much summarizes the three hour telecast, it’s very sophisticated.

As far as commercials went, we thought they were vastly improved on recent years. A lot of talking animals though. Seriously, it was like a fucking Pixar movie. Maybe ad executives looked at how much money those movies regularly bring in, then hoped the same theory would translate to televised advertising, because the abundance of non-sentients verbally exchanging opinions and emotions was hard to not notice. Anyhow, we liked the one with the baby and the hired clown, though we can’t remember what product or service was being hawked, so we’re not sure how effective it was. That award goes to the Career Builder ad where the woman’s heart literally jumped out of her body and handed in her walking papers in hopes of a more altruistic career path. In fact, it served as nightmare fuel.

Some links:

Jeffrey Tambor (aka George Bluth) has now joined Jason Bateman on the campaign, blazing a trail for the Arrested Development movie to be made. I’m giddy, but also realistic, because all of these actors opinions are only good for verifying that they’d be willing to participate. Nothing gets made until Mitchell Hurwitz decides he wants to make it. Considering he was part of the reason the deal with Showtime was shutdown, we’re still only cautiously optimistic.

We are inching closer to the writer’s strike concluding, we kind of don’t care about the details so we didn’t read the article. But still, if this means FNL can pick up where it will leave off this Friday in a couple months, then we are all for it. Speaking of which, after a disappointing episode, they really stepped up their game and delivered what’s definitively the best episode of the second season this past Friday. Seriously, that was vintage season one FNL, the reasons everyone in the small but loyal fan base became so devoted to it in the first place were exemplified three nights ago.

Even with the news of a pending agreement, talks were postponed until after the Superbowl. To which we ask: Who gives a shit? They canceled Sunday school when I was younger for the Superbowl (we used to question the validity of this since we never got off for the NBA all-star game) and it was always a letdown in the mid-90’s. But that was irrelevant, because it’s virtually a national holiday at this point regardless of what some might consider the pervasive elements that surround it, and its place in the cultural landscape is undeniable. If people put matters of faith on hold for it, then it really shouldn’t come as any surprise when a gaggle of millionaires set business aside on a fucking Sunday.

This is probably it for today, back with something similarly non-descriptive tomorrow.

After staying up until 2am waiting for HBO to post the new Wire episode on demand, we called it a night. Problem being, we are dead tired and keep drifting off at work, so we’re sorry if this post doesn’t thrill and amuse.

Two series’ this website is incredibly favorable of, Weeds and Mad Men, have both received exemptions from the writer’s strike. Supposedly they cut a deal with their respective production companies or something? I don’t know, I wouldn’t be surprised if enough high ranking members of the WGA liked these two shows enough that they decided to let it slide.

Nielsen ratings for The Wire continue to fall, and I have one question for those who may be concerned with this, does it really seem like fewer people are watching the show than at the end of the fourth season? All the people I know who watched it still do, and all the blogs, websites, message boards, etc. I visit all have the same frequency of posts/comments. Does anyone know if DVR/Tivo recordings and On Demand views are factored into these ratings? I sincerely doubt it. Also, some dickhead leaked the first seven episodes online, so several loyalists aren’t even using HBO to watch the episodes.

Let me extrapolate on this point to vent, I like that the episodes are posted earlier On Demand, but between that, the online availability of episodes that have yet to air, and the regular showing on Sunday nights, it makes the series impossible to talk about with other fans. If you talk to seven people, they’re at six different stages in the season, so every conversation is bogged down in a series of qualifiers such as, “well, have you gotten to (fill in this scene here, and just asking about it spoils the series)?”, and “I know you’re not up to this point, but…”. For someone who likes to dissect every facet of every episode, I’d probably simply prefer it if they did away with all the On Demand shenanigans and advanced copies, and force me to watch every Sunday night. If not for myself, then for everyone whose been incidentally spoiled and for the series’ ratings (even though they’re kind of irrelevant now).

Speaking of The Wire, Lance Reddick has gone from the critically acclaimed series, to Oz, to movies that share a name with a Norm McDonald comedy to Mercedes commercials and now to FOX pilots. While we have no doubt this project will sink like a stone, it’s always good to see good actors from legendary series’ get more work. Anyone seen JK Williams (Bodie) sine he was shot dead on his corner? Didn’t think so. That kid should be able to find work solely for his spit takes.

The king stay the king, Bodie. Until he’s murdered, then someone else is the king.

Here’s wishing Roger Ebert all the best after yet another surgery. His Great Movies List has provided me with countless entertainment recommendations for slow weekends over the years, we need to see another hundred added to that list before it’s all said and done. We also hope he regains his voice and makes it back to his show, which has been influencing our theater outings for about seven years now.

So apparently, and this is going to come as a huge surprise, Americans love them some schaudenfruede, as evidenced by 24 million people watching Moment of Truth. If only everyone’s personal and domestic conflicts could be aired on national television, we would all be so happy. Maybe there should be some sort of mandate on this to help pull us out of a looming recession: if you have some deep-seeded secret or revelation you’re planning on making to a family member/close friend, it must be done on Fox, so we can have a cast of judges humiliate you more than you could possibly humiliate yourself. Though I will give the series credit, it takes balls to invite Roger Clemens onto a show with such a premise. There is no telling how that ‘roided up entitled freak will react.

And finally, to send you out of here on a sour (or positive, depending on your perspective) note, ABC has cut a third of their fall pilots for 2008. Not pulling any punches, the network is taking a meat axe to the union, who seems to have gotten in over its head. I think this might mean that the end is nigh for October Road.

Back tomorrow with something other than a Nip Tuck recap tomorrow.

No more than four months ago we were tussling between what to watch and what to record amongst Mad Men, The Office, Survivor and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia on Thursday nights. A myriad of options that usually carried Colbert and Stewart into lunch the following day.

Now, with the onset of The Strike and the season’s ending for many of the above series’, we have a clean slate. Nothing we feel obligated nor compelled to tune into. So we figured Thursday’s would be a choice day for a “what’s on tonight” post. Just to illustrate the dearth of options we are left with.

East coast bias effects the time zones on this site as well as the BCS.

NBC

8pm: My Name Is Earl
Not much to say about this series that hasn’t already been said. We do tend to think it’s one of the more overrated comedies to come around in awhile, but they try their hand at some original material and maintain a decent Nielsen rating, so more power to them, even if the show has somehow made Jaime Pressly a “credible” actress.

8:30pm: The Office
The first half of one of the many much maligned hour long episodes this season, “Dunder Mifflin Infinity”, where Ryan lays out his plan to modernize the fledging paper company. Which might not be a terrible idea, Sterling Cooper isn’t as behind the times as Dunder-Mifflin.

If the writers and producers could meet this degree of maturity, we might be watching a new episode tonight.

9pm: Celebrity Apprentice
Have yet to watch a millisecond of this, but all I can tell you is that Lennox Lewis, Gene Simmons and Jennie Finch are all on this…And that is probably the most depressing thing I’ve ever written on this site. Three people who were all great at one thing or another clinging desperately to a semblance of fame. Kind of reminds me of this.

10pm: ER
Yep, hasn’t been canceled since the last time we did this segment.

ABC

8pm: Ugly Betty
So a girl who’s aesthetically pedestrian according to the fashion world earns everyone’s respect through her adorableness and persistent work ethic? Is that the premise of this series? Because if so, then the consumers of such a lie need a reality check. Has anyone seen the Ali G episode where Bruno interviews several designers and critics during fashion week in New York? Yeah, those people aren’t exactly open-minded.

9pm: Grey’s Anatomy
The series that probably keeps us motivated to stay single! Seriously, watching this show makes me fret for humanity. It’s like going into a strip club, except with the exact opposite target audience.

10pm: Big Shots
It’s back! The canceled series is going to air the rest of there vaulted episodes. This is good for anyone who finds emasculated, whiny, rich, white men or ball busting peripheral female characters appealing. It’s like Cashmere Mafia except the ball busting women are the series’ focus. Is there a point in time where people will stop greenlighting this redundant tripe?

FOX

8pm: Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?
This is a reality show racing to see which is the more exploited demographic: the “genius” kids because they’re probably on the show against their will, or the moronic “adults” who are competing against kids who want nothing to do with this spectacle. My guess is the adults, because if you fail miserably on this show it’s something that you die with people remembering. The kids? Well, they have several years of therapy to look forward too, but that’s more a result of negligent parenting than anything else.

9pm: Don’t Forget The Lyrics
Haha, oh man. People attempting to remember the lyrics of some pop songs, and when they inevitably fuck it up they get mocked out by Wayne Brady and the pathetic live audience. Whew, what a hoot!

CBS

8-11pm: Without A Trace, CSI, Without A Trace
Do not have the time nor patience to mock the same show twice, or three times really. So we’ll just let clumping them altogether in the same category speak for itself. If you can give me one thematic or narrative difference between these two series’, then we will apologize profusely. But as our understanding is now this is like watching two Adam Sandler movies, then rewatching the former.

Okay, so television series’ have taken a hit recently. Still there is plenty of basketball to be watched and a litany of good to great movies out. We recommend one of these alternatives until the WGA and the studios make some progress.

Wire and FNL recaps tomorrow.

Too tired still for a proper introduction, lets just jump write into the links. Oh, and I will say it was great to have Stewart and Colbert back last night. Though the lack of a sufficient writing staff Colbert was reduced to dancing in his audience to some song that I know I’ve heard but couldn’t put an artist or title too. Still, both of them excel at the late night game and it at least gives me some television to watch. Stewart just seems to have a firm grasp on the political machine in this country, and mocks it accordingly.

Oh, and sorry for the lack of strike coverage. But virtually any link I could provide says the same thing from a different source. So for at least today we’re just going to skip it. All that seems relevant to add is that it is still taking place and there is still no end in sight. The end.

Links…

Much like The Sopranos saga was youtube-d down to a seven minute summary, The Wire was at least given the courtesy of getting over four. Not sure how one is so much shorter than the other since I haven’t watched the latter, but how much time would other series’ warrant? I think you could rundown the 143 seasons of ER they’ve aired in about fifteen seconds.

David Simon is responding to any and all online criticisms about his new season. While it does seem that the new season has a different tonal setting, is shot a little differently and appears to be the most far-fetched of the four, aren’t we all getting a little too critical? It might seem a bit hypocritical for this site to criticize someone’s perceived disparagement, but Simon has brought us four seasons of some of the most moving, groundbreaking, introspective television to ever air in the world. Nitpicks over the believability of the fifth season seem a little tedious and misguided.

Someone with an immense amount of time on their hands posted a rundown of all the journalistic shorthand on this season of The Wire. While we appreciate the effort, all insider slang used on the series for any institution depicted has been explained over time, and has made the series that much more interesting on second viewing.

After seeing the 2nd episode this season, you can count Greggs in.

In case fans and surveyors of the series haven’t quite figured it out, David Simon is completely disinterested in winning an Emmy. Good. Has there ever been a more flawed and asinine awards ceremony? Why should he need some arbitrary award for a false sense of validation? At this point its almost better for the series’ legacy if it never claims an award from the “top” television awards show. If I were him I’d aspire to head AFI’s top series of the year more so than win a fucking Emmy.

Since Seinfeld and his hack wife have been acting like such elitist pricks over this entire cookbook scandal, we’re actually pleased to announce that there lowly rival is holding their feet to the fire in court. But I’m sure the two of them will get out of this jam untarnished, since celebrities are above the law and all.

Okay, just one piece of strike related news: Stephen Colbert handed out chili to writers picketing his show and is obviously good-natured about the entire thing. Unless, dare I say, it was Mr. and Mrs. Scott Tenorman chili.

Dexter reruns are being syndicated by CBS with heavy, heavy editing. Hopefully it results in cutting down some of that awful narration and hackneyed, cliche dialog. Something tells me that the acting from the girlfriend will still be in full throttle, and that just might kill the series for the masses.

And finally, just to prove my theory that male alumnus from American Idol have a far lower ceiling for career longevity than their female counterparts: Taylor Kicks has reportedly been dropped by his recored label. And this to me was really surprising, I really thought a 29 year-old who looked forty-five would thrive in the world of pop music. Guess you learn something new everyday.

Back tomorrow with recaps for The Wire and FNL.

As in, if you were sitting in front of your television last night, you were most likely appropriately entertained, just not by anything we’d banter about on this site. Yes, between the Iowa caucus (’? We have no idea if that’s plural since both parties are involved) and the numerous sporting events, if television was your thing last night you were either watching what I was between poker hands, or reruns of series’ or NBC, which as we’ve already discovered wasn’t putting out anything original, but it was all new!

At least FNL makes a return tonight, and while we’ll be well on our way to New Orleans by then, it’s at least refreshing to know that a series that was once great but has been relegated to the stigma of mediocrity will have a brand new episode waiting for us when we return. Other than that: The Wire. We have done all we could to refrain from mentioning it until the recap of the season five premiere and we’re not going to spoil anything, but if you’ve never watched the series and are looking for something to occupy your time over the strike, season five’s premiere is just the 51st reason why it’s worth getting the season one DVD’s.

Speaking of which, if you people think I’m obsessed with this series, here’s a bit of over-analysis on the promotional page. I never really understood fretting of this nature, why not just wait until all the episodes air (or at least the first one), then attempt to deconstruct the series? It’s not going anywhere, and I suppose part of the motivation is ego: “See how intelligent I am? I knew how the story would play out just by looking at the promotional ads!” Ruining the series for me isn’t going to prove your foresight to me, I’m just going to assume you’re a total asshole.

Yet another classic series to watch in lieu of the strike, except Cupid isn’t yet on DVD but has apparently been posted all over youtube. We remember the series when it was on: it stars Piven (who was distinct enough that we remember him quite vividly) and Paula Marshall (the chick who shit in the hot tub on Nip Tuck and wanted Sean to watch her sleep with a black guy). Really, we can only remember one specific bit about the series: remember when Larry David had the run in with the paraplegic in “The Bowtie”? Well, they lifted that bit from this series.

The returning Survivor members making up the “favorites” team for next season has been unveiled. And while there is no Tom, Yul, Yau-Man or Earl (probably the four favorite castaways from recent memory), they did bring back Jonathan Penner, the guy from the Yul season who was pigeonholed into jumping from one alliance to the next, but was still somehow held accountable from the team he was forced to abandon despite the fact that he explained the situation to them before he cast the, for all intensive purposes, deciding vote. Also from that season: Parvati. Which is good, because we’re pretty certain she’s working the corner if not for this show.

Two of these five people will be returning.

Law and Order is crossing the pond to London. If it’s anything like Match Point or Clockwork Orange, then we’re expecting a lot of ineptitude.

Trump is promising to cutback the rampant product placement on Celebrity Apprentice that previous seasons where noted for. And really, that has nothing to do with why we’ve stopped watching the series, he could walk around in a Ronald McDonald suit with a dozen I-Phones all day and we couldn’t care less. It’s the unlikable casts, the nonsensical dismissals and the apparent lack of humanity in it all. But yeah, reduce that profit you get from unabated corporate sponsors who double as personal friends, that will keep them tuning in.

And finally, there is so much noise about the return to late night television that we will just leave it at this: nothing has changed. Leno still trounced Letterman in the ratings drawing a 5.8 to Letterman’s paltry 4.7. We’re still partial to the underdog and are certain that the only rationale for this continuous ratings discrepancy is a deeper bevy of audience draws Leno has, being in SoCal and whatnot.

This is it until Wednesday, sorry we couldn’t be any more eventful before a five day hiatus but there is really no reason to be reading this blog, or watching any series’ for that matter.

We’re at work today and not entirely certain if we were supposed to come in. You could hear a pin drop it’s so desolate in here so we’re assuming we could have stayed home. But no matter, when we have a blog to entertain ourselves with.

Between the holiday season and the strike there has been jack shit on television as of late. On Friday night we got one more Wire special. This one entitled “The Last Word”, a sort of overview of what the fifth season themes will be. It was entertaining and insightful without being filled with spoilers, so that was a quality half hour. Other than that, we’ve taken to rewatching the first season of Mad Men and haranguing those who don’t watch it or The Wire (we get very elitist and self-righteous when we’ve been drinking).

So, yeah, it’ll be similar to this until FNL and Nip Tuck return, and even then we’re struggling for material because we’re not really into either of those series’ anymore. Otherwise we’ve got The Wire on January 6th and a strike with no end date in sight. TBS does have their annual 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story on the horizon here so things could be worse, it could be a days worth of Deck The Halls. See, there’s always a silver lining.

Onto the short but sweet links…

The WGA fully intends to picket the Golden Globes, which will effectively kill the buzzes of everyone in attendance. Nothing like being the scourge of Hollywood I would imagine. Something tells me that if you fuck with George Clooney while he’s getting his drink on, labor strike or no labor strike, there will be repercussions. We cannot even fathom what Sean Penn is capable of (we really liked both Michael Clayton and Into The Wild, by the way).

Dwight Schrute, or Rainn Wilson, or, if you’d like, the store clerk from Juno (tremendously overrated, by the way) will be following in Sarah Silverman’s footsteps to host the Independent Spirit Awards. If it weren’t for their quirky, untraditional choice of hosts, it’s probably the most obscure show during awards season.

Letterman’s sought after exemption was turned down by whichever governing body handles such matters. Not that we’re surprised, it seemed like an odd scheme to actually be able to pull off, especially in the public eye. With labor strikes I doubt its common for someone to be able to work because they were popular.

A rare acknowledgment of American Idol’s existence: Ruben Studdard was recently dropped by his record label. Despite winning the contrived game show, his sales have been poor at best and downright inexcusable at worst. This doesn’t come as a surprise, either, we’re pretty convinced you have to be female to experience any commercial success after Idol. And if there is an exception to this, please let us know.

We’re sensing a trend here.

In the grand tradition of cable channel Christmas marathons for syndicated series’, here’s a comprehensive list of virtually all of them, should you find yourself with nothing to do on the holidays. I, for one, see nothing abnormal or depressing about watching endless hours of Flip That House on TLC.

Denise from Survivor has donated Mark Burnett’s money to an AIDS charity. Regardless of what anyone says, I think this totally redeems her, and I’m not being sarcastic in any way. We’d be happy to donate someone else’s money to needy charities so multi-millionaires can write off the donation.

And finally, we know all of you were concerned about this, but David Chase has won his lawsuit. Yes apparently the courts decided that introducing a series creator to people doesn’t qualify one to receive co-creation credits. Shocking, I know. Anyway, at least now we can all sleep at night.

That’s it until the 26th, merry Christmas (for those easily offended) and happy holidays (also for those easily offended).

These posts keep making it out later and later in the morning and for that you have my apologies. But what I can’t apologize for is the absolute dearth of series’ to write about. So far this week we’ve posted four times, and only once was for something we actually recommended (The Extras finale). So, while our posts might be late, we’re pinning it on a lack of motivation…and mundane paper pushing. Seriously, the posts we write pales in comparison to the paper we move.

Holy fucking Christ yes, this is what we’ve been waiting for: the “official” trailer for the fifth season of The Wire. I guess the other five or so we’re just prep trailers for this one. Some people like to remain completely unspoiled, so if you don’t want to hear anything about the final season, stop reading HERE………Of the four kids, we know at least Michael will be back in full form next season, if I were to speculate, I’d also say we see Dukie, no Namond and possibly Randy, depending on whether or not Carver followed through on his promise to adopt him. Also, Avon’s back, but it looks like he’s still in prison. And if that’s the case, Weebay would be around as well. If this doesn’t make you wish for the new year, nothing will. As a side note, we’ll be in New Orleans for the premiere, and we’ll be running around frantically looking for a television with HBO. Sad, maybe. But at least it’s honest.

Denise, the mulleted lunch lady on Survivor: China lied about her demotion and pay cut at the reunion, and it turned out her transition to janitorial work was actually a promotion. So any field hockey game she missed were of her own volition. To her credit she return the check to Mark Burnett. Damn, if she had said she excepted a promotion that had a marginally improved salary but with shittier hours, she probably still would have been offered that check. Instead she accepted it under false pretenses, and the multi-millionaire gets to keep his 50 g’s.

“Wait, you mean she was lying?…Well does she still want the money?…I’m not going to a fucking bank, give it to a homeless man or something. Peons.”

Letterman, is returning with his writers on January 2nd. Apparently they’re hoping for a “special exemption” through some loophole the show’s producers may have found, but either way they’re willing to improve the writers salaries as much as the show itself is allowed to do. Letterman must be scared shitless about returning without them.

David Chase has contemplated tears over this lawsuit filed against him. I guess he weighed the positives and negatives and decided against it. David Chase, that’s an emotional guy. We haven’t commented on it yet because it sounds so frivolous, but apparently a New Jersey judge is claiming co-creation of the series because he introduced Chase to some men with mafia ties that served as inspiration for much of the series. While he’s entitled to something, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Chase snubbed him, half of everything the showrunner generated is an absurd request. That’s civil suits for you, though. Ask high, receive a greater sum than you would have if you had asked for a reasonable offer. It’s fucking idiotic. If anything you should be publicly humiliated in some fashion for being so egregious.

We couldn’t fathom such a privileged life when staying in from a booze-filled, elongated awards show is considered a “sacrifice”, but that is exactly the boat most of the actors are in with the Golden Globes. Yes, several of them are going to be so generous to the writers as to not attend an awards show in their name. Guilt has to be the motivating factor in all those charitable donations and philanthropy from celebrities.

Todd from Survivor is humble enough to admit that he isn’t a replica of whose generally considered one of the greatest strategists in the game’s history. I know most of you were thinking he’s exactly like Richard Hatch just like most of you refer to me as the reincarnation of Thoreau, but he’s willing to admit that this is not the case. Also, his last name is Herzog…doesn’t he almost have to be a distant relative of Werner Herzog? How many of them are floating around in the US anyways? Also, that’s a German name. So, that makes Todd a gay Mormon flight attendant with German ancestry living in Utah…be glad you were born in the 80’s Todd.

And finally, its been ten years since Chris Farley tragically passed away. There still has been no one even remotely similar to him and he’s stood the test of time, making him the 90’s Jim Belushi. Go back and watch an old skit as the motivational speaker, the impressionable talk show host, Chips audition or Schmitt’s gay, and all of them are still hysterical and better than anything SNL has put out since McDonald-Ferrell-Breuer all left the show. If there is a heaven, I’d like to think Hartman and Farley are currently doing improv in it.

Back tomorrow with a multiple post day.

We haven’t watched Survivor in enough detail to do a full on, play-by-play recap. And to be honest, we’re really unmotivated to do so, everything about this season is about as spontaneous as an episode of CSI. That is to say, we can see it coming from a mile away. I guess that’s the gamut one runs with reality television, you put a lot of stock in casting and hope it pans out. If it doesn’t then the budget costs were low and they can pump out another season ready for airing in three to six months.

So when in doubt or lethargy, we do how we always do and just doll out some links about nothing in particular and be done with it.

The Golden Globe nominees were announced today, and since this is a TV Blog I’ll try to keep my film critiques at a minimum since it seems like for the most part they got it right. We will say that the bias for late fall/early winter releases is growing tiresome. They gave some love to A Mighty Heart and Eastern Promises, the latter was an alright genre flick. A tad formulaic and didn’t really bring anything new to the table, but certainly engaging, well acted and decently written. But still, it pales in comparison to 3:10 To Yuma and Rescue Dawn. One question though, we haven’t seen it, but is it really appropriate to put Charlie Wilson’s War in the Musical or Comedy category. I guess that “American Pie” song is really influential, even though it is misplaced in this film, considering the song was released in 1971 and the movie is set in 1980. But hey, why worry about semantics, right?

As for the television side of things, no nomination for The Sopranos for Best Drama and Gandolfini for best actor are the most glaring oversights, but as far as everything else is concerned it seems pretty accurate. I have a few nitpicks, such as the actresses on Mad Men (especially Christina Hendricks) getting shut out of all nominations, and Vincent Kartheiser as well. However, the series is nominated for best drama and Jon Hamm got a nomination for best actor, so it all evens out. Sort of. Other complaints like It’s Always Sunny and Curb getting shut out weren’t exactly surprises. The former is probably unknown amongst the international press and the latter wrapped up their worst season to date, despite how great the last two or three episodes were. We try to be realists around here.

In non-award news, Will Arnett is scheduled to be the voice of the car from Knight Rider in an upcoming movie adapted from the laughable classic. He really is just squandering away all that good faith he built up in AD, isn’t he?

Those-were-the-dayyyyysssss.

Reno 911 is bringing in several noteworthy actors and actresses for their fifth season, I won’t even say their names. As a casual viewer of the comedy, am I the only one who sees this as a bad thing? Usually when a successful series starts bringing in bigger, non-traditional names to generate buzz, it’s when the series begins to decline. See 30 Rock this season. Or so I’ve been told.

The union is starting to cave in on itself and is now pointing fingers. This might signify the end of the working millionaire in Hollywood. We kid, but we’re actually pulling for them to stay on track and not lose sight of the bigger picture. That being, while this strike is going on, that’s fewer coked out wannabe actresses they’re coercing into bed with the “promise” of a line in the upcoming Brett Ratner movie.

Also from the LA Times, several of the late show writers want their employers returning to work so they can lobby for them on a national level. Because right now as far as the rest of the country is concerned, though there is a deficit of quality entertainment (not necessarily a bad thing in this country), this is ultimately a regional/local problem. Any change would probably be for the better, because right now they’re looking to be in dire straits.

To anyone who isn’t a total moron, Kiefer Sutherland getting a surplus of fan mail shouldn’t come as a surprise. Does he have priors or something? How is he getting two months in prison and his 20 something, white female counterparts are rarely exceeding a full day? God. If this was a torture camp he got electroshocked in the nuts and they got off with some minimal water-boarding. We guess it pays to be a whorish, non-attractive, untalented celebrity in this country.

ABC brought the ax down on Big Shots, a tale of four emasculated CEO’s and how they manage to be CEO’s while completely stripped of their manhood. Damn, we really thought that would build an audience.

And finally, PBS is getting into the reality game with an academic tinge: they’re following around the student newspaper at Penn State. Speaking from experience, we can assure you that few things are more profoundly uninteresting, subjective and apathetic than a student newspaper. Never the less, it beats the shit out of American Idol.

Back with a Survivor recap later.

The post is a little later than usual, especially for the links, because we had a fucking monsoon here last night and it took about five hours to drive three miles because people in Ohio are overly cautious when it comes to moderately severe weather conditions. Back to the purpose of the site, we didn’t get to watch Nip Tuck last night, but we’re really not all that disappointed. since the new episode is in mock reality show format, much like the 4th season premiere of Entourage was a mock-documentary or a “mockumentary” if you will. Needless to say, it’s an anomaly when we find Nip Tuck humor to actually be humorous, and I’m sure this was a stab at it. So, no love loss. We’ll try to catch the replay on Sunday night.

Sarah Shahi, the incredibly gorgeous women from The L Word and the Vegas stripper in The Sopranos episode “Kennedy and Heidi”, is upset that people once found her attractive, and is now content to be taken seriously as an actress on the NBC series, Life. It’s difficult to skate by on your looks, we certainly know how that is. Like, just because everyone wants to take her on lavish trips to Europe and other exotic locations, or offer her exceptionally high paying work based on her physical aesthetics and limited credentials, doesn’t imply she’ll accept your offer, no questions asked. I mean, she would love to take advantage of all the opportunities afforded for her, but she wants them offered for a reason other than how she looks. God, can’t you understand that?

Some American Idol alum pulled a Mel Gibson after being pulled over for a DUI in Tampa. What’s the prevailing wisdom behind this? I know the person in question is intoxicated, but who leaves a bar drunk gets pulled over by the cops then breaks into a series of racial epithets? My guess would be that this woman and Gibson recently lost a potential hookup to a member of whatever race/ethnicity/religious faction that they were so contemptuous towards. Unless they have Tourette’s, any other explanation seems unlikely.

We’ve been wanting to link to this for a day because we’re like schoolgirl giddy about the development: The Wire has posted some prequel shorts on Amazon.com. We see a young, unimpressive looking Prop Joe (just like current day Prop Joe, but younger), he is full of witticisms and logic and is as calm and collected as you would imagine, but he’s hawking cheat sheets in the 60’s instead of dope in the 2000’s. A young Omar is available, as well as his older brother “No Heart” Anthony. You may recall him being referenced in the first season as something of a legend around Baltimore. And the magnum opus of the three is a McNulty and Bunk’s introduction, when McNulty was still something of a healthy drunk and before he’d corrupted Bunk. Really, I could watch hours of this stuff, maybe even a film. It’ll never happen, but seems worth mentioning.

Amazingly, we’ve only seen him commit one murder, and have heard about another.

Also worth noting: The Wire will be airing two specials on December 20th and 21st in honor of the saga. Between these and the fourth season DVD episode commentaries, we should be plenty entertained until the the January 6th fifth season premiere.

Carson Daly was given an ultimatum, hence his decision to cross the picket line. He isn’t actually a member of the WGA, so they’re not taking it as personally, but it was funny to listen to his explanation as if it were different from everyone else’s. Someone should clue him in that they really held his feet to the fire because his show is so incredibly expendable. In all honesty, he should have held his ground, let them axe his show, then he could do the inevitable and find something else to do with his life. Like host a talk show that isn’t on at late night, for instance.

On the other hand, actual talk show hosts are dropping millions to keep their out of work production crews happy and not embittered. O’Brien, Leno and Letterman are paid a healthy amount of money, but at what point aren’t they obligated to hand out $200,000/week for a strike they aren’t responsible for? It’s noble what they’re doing and virtually everyone (including us) backs the union, but this degree of generosity probably doesn’t have much longevity. I guess it’s a communal effort.

And finally, CBS is planning to air episodes of Dexter should the strike be a prolonged event. And who else would air reruns of a series that is half police procedural but CBS? They just go hand-in-hand. Actually, all stereotypes aside, the pay cable network is an affiliate of CBS, and they could potentially air episodes of The Tudors and Weeds, though I’m not completely familiar with the series, it will be interesting to see how it is edited for a broadcast network. We have the DVD’s queued up on Netflix, so it won’t be our problem.

That’s it for now, we’re back tomorrow with a Survivor recap.

Haven’t yet watched FNL, so we can’t really recap that. Survivor last night proved to spark a bit of intrigue (for once), as we speculated, but it was entirely predictable based on the previews. Which we’re sure the producers probably felt compelled to produce to reassure us this season will eventually have a pulse. Oh, and also, that post-tribal “twist”, turned out to be a reward challenge, yeah, a little disappointing.

But unless the incredibly apathetic group remaining drinks a case of red bull, we might see Amanda end up winning this thing. Which, whatever. She might have to cross a slew of people to get there, costing her jury votes, so maybe not. But as of now it’s down to her an Todd, and she gets the edge because Todd has been perceived as the ring leader up until now, which people tend to resent this late in the game. Essentially, Todd’s done all the dirty work with her behind the scenes, and Amanda’s discretion all season will pay off in the waning weeks.

But yeah, it’s a really slow fucking news day today. It’s all strike oriented, and the basic theme seems to be that there has been virtually no progress since talks began on Monday. Shocking, I know. You would think that people in Hollywood would easily reach a compromise over an entirely fixable situation. Other actors to weigh in have been Edie Falco, Christina Applegate, the lead stoner from Freaks and Geeks and the brunette from That 70’s Show, a UCLA economist and gay writing protesters.

Sue Ellen Crandell demands you end the writer’s strike.

Now that we’ve confirmed everyone has an opinion, lets just set them aside and negotiate a deal. Because honestly, this site is becoming unmanageable without some material.

My apologies for mailing this in, FNL recap later today.

A possibly redeeming episode of Nip Tuck last night, we’ll have to think about it over the course of the following week. We will say this: On a trash TV level, which is the only level the series has ever been enjoyable on, last night’s episode worked.

We’ll get to it in detail next Tuesday, onto the links…

Sounds like everyone approached yesterday’s strike negotiations with a level-head. This is huge, since the Hollywood crowd is seldom reasonable about anything. I envisioned more of a Larry David-Alan Wasserman type scenario.

In lieu of writers? Simple, bring back American Gladiators. I wonder if they’ll have any sort of reunion show, with all the original gladiators, Joe Theismann and the quintessential Italian stereotype in the jumpsuit explaining the nuance of the eliminator to us? Seriously, that guy with the slicked back hair has done more harm to the Italian/American perception than anything that ever happened on The Sopranos.

There better be a reincarnation of the game, preferably on the Wii.

Maybe you haven’t heard, but NBC has picked up Chuck and Life for full seasons. We watched about twenty minutes of the former since the pilot, and it consisted of Chuck and his friend acting completely pathetic with the female lead and some really bad actress brought in as one of the female lead’s coworkers (the names escape me). We don’t want to rush to judgment, so we’ll ask, has it gotten any better? Or has it at least improved within its own genre? We never watched Life but hear good things. Of course, those who watch Chuck have many laudatory comments as well, so read into that how you will.

The presidential hopefuls list their favorite series’ on television. Not sure who I’m voting for yet, but if I go blue the fact that Barack Obama is the only candidate who watches The Wire certainly doesn’t hurt his cause. We’ve always said that if Carcetti reminds us of anyone, it’s Obama. Given Obama is operating on a much larger scale, but the young, upstart politician giving all the veterans the business is essentially what the fictional Carcetti and non-fictional Obama have set out to do. Assuming the parallel is consistent, it’s only a matter of time before the windy city native is swallowed up by the dark side.

Just to illustrate how there is no rhyme or reason to the television industry, HBO grew in popularity after The Sopranos finale. Is it because Curb returned after a two year hiatus? We’re John From Cincinnati’s ratings misleading? Were people not aware that “Made In America” was David Chase’s series finale? No idea, but only the former makes an iota of sense.

We actually saw this live last Friday, and while we we’re amused by it, we found it surprising that the University of Colorado would be self-deprecating to the point of having Cartman mock their politics, which Trey Parker and Matt Stone have done several times on their series. If you include the win that afternoon, it was a great day for the people in Boulder.

And finally, has there ever been more in production banter about a movie than we’re experiencing with the Sex and the City theatrical debut? Honestly, they’re going to flame out with all the over-saturation.