Grid Effect

Welcome one and all, to the 2008 Oscars. It was a particularly critically successful year for the film industry, if not commercially so. Essentially all of the films sans Juno nominated for multiple awards were overlooked by the American public. So, for better or worse, mass interest in this year’s awards season is almost non-existent. And reasonably so. Film awards are never all that enthralling and nine times out of ten they’re completely subjective. Between that, the writer’s strike and the lack of mainstream appeal, the 2008 Oscars have culminated into what feels like something everyone wants ignore (more so than usual), as opposed to the “biggest night in Hollywood”. How eventful.

But still, Jon Stewart is hosting, if we can watch an hour long interview with him on Larry King then we can watch him host an awards show, regardless of how tedious it is. Many of the films nominated are ambitious and an artistic success, and in the interest of full disclosure: we’ve seen every film up for multiple awards except for Atonement (we’re not dating anyone) and Sweeney Todd (we’ve seen enough Tim Burton movies to know what to expect from him in an adapted stage musical), so there are definite opinions and rooting interest which will most likely pepper this entire post(s).

With that in mind, feel free to comment any disagreements or petty grievances in the comments, we’ll post at almost every commercial break and probably take musical and in memoriam segments of the show off. If you want an indication of how this is going to go, here’s our recap of the 2007 Oscar’s.

8:30- Flipped in a few minutes early, Regis called Javier Bardem, “Xavier Bardem”. I guess I really have no idea how his name is pronounced (though I assume its something along the lines of Hav-ier), but this wreaks like someone is aging in front of our eyes. We’re off to a great start.

8:32- Jon Stewart’s brought out after a generic, recycled special effects montage of an introduction. Beginning his monologue with commentary on the strike goes to show that he is fully intent on being just as critical of Hollywood to Hollywood, this is why he makes this show a hundred times more watchable.

8:36- Already taking potshots at the Clinton’s, everyone laughs. Jesus, isn’t this their base?

8:39: Diablo Cody looks like she just fell off a flying carpet, and Stewart makes light of your average Oscar nominated writer’s six figure salary. Then mocks Hollywood’s virtual monolithic political views.

8:41- This isn’t as scathing as last year, but just as funny. We can’t really blame him, he would probably be pushing his luck to do the same set two years in a row.

8:42- Jennifer Garner presents the award for costume design, it goes to some cat for Eizabeth: The Golden Age, and we can’t tell you how long overdue this is. Really, we can’t. Or if she has won in the past. She manages to keep it succinct with a few simple thank yous. Any chance this becomes a trend? With untimely community deaths and a strike just in the rear-view mirror ,there’s a good chance we’re in store for a myriad of impromptu orchestra music tonight.

8:46- Clooney presents a self-aggrandizing Oscar tribute, in which the Oscar’s congratulate the Oscars for a solid four minutes of reflective clip glory. Oscars.

8:52- Anne Hathaway and Steve Carrell present the award for best Animated feature to Ratatouille, which we actually mocked pretty unapologetically during the previews because it looked so fucking ridiculous. Call it our disdain for all talking animal features or bad marketing on the part of Pixar, either way it looked like garbage. of though Carrell and Hathaway do some overacted shtick that indicates a writer’s strike before handing out the award.

8:56- Katherine Heigl has her award face on, ironically enough to present for best makeup, of which Norbit is nominated for. Just based on the fact they actually nominated it, it really should win. But they give it to two people for La Vie En Rose. Some actress that was presumably in said movie is really, really attached to this achievement, and even brushes away some tears. She’s in for a long night if her reaction is so visceral for best makeup. In fact it’s probably in her best interest not to go home with anything.

8:59- Amy Adams performs the nominated song from Enchanted. We’ve come a long way from Cruel Intentions 2, baby. I’m sure this is a helluva performance, but I’m watching it with Junebug in mind.

9:06- Stewart compares The Rock to Ellen Page…we think its pretty similar. Anyhow, Johnson is presenting for best visual effects, Golden Compass is nominated, and it has wise polar bears, so of course it wins. This crowd probably has nothing but contempt for Michael Bay, so if you thought Transformers was going to win, think again.

9:10- Cate Blanchett, every girls girl crush after Angelina Jolie, as I like to refer to her, gives out the award for best art direction and set decoration to Sweeney Todd. Two Italians responsible for The Aviator win and are rushed of the stage post-haste. Coincidentally, Blanchett won best supporting actor for her role in the Scorcese movie, they don’t seem to know each other.

9:14- Another montage of best supporting actor winners. It seems unnecessary. Jennifer Hudson presents the award to Javier Bardem in what is otherwise a competitive field, but no one else stood a chance. That guy essentially played the devil incarnate and did so convincingly. Seriously, I cried myself to sleep the night I saw that film. Hoffman, Casey Affleck, Hal Holbrook (who was great in Into The Wild but had maybe twenty minutes of screen time) and Tom Wolfinson all turned in worthy performances. Like I said earlier, a really good year for the film industry. Bardem gives the second half of his acceptance speech in Spanish (directed at his mother), way to rope in the fly-over states, man.

9:24- Keri Russell presents the second performance for best song for Raise It Up. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this a You Got Served type film? What’s with the slow ballad? I wants to see some steppin’! All I know is, this is no “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp”.

9:29- Owen Wilson, who I’m going to refrain from making any jokes about, presents the award of Best Live Action Short Film to Le Mozart Des Pickpokets. We might be mistaken, but we think its foreign. The recipient couldn’t speak English and he resorted to his native tongue (French?) as well, but it could all be a ruse.

9:31- Jerry Seinfeld continues his inevitable plunge into obscurity by showing up in digital animation Bee Movie form presenting for best animated short to two people for Peter and The Wolf. Some co-recipient says it is “for everyone”. Really? That’s kind of strange, because you seem to be clutching it pretty tightly.

9:34- Another montage, this recognizing best supporting actress nominees and we’re going to just quit mentioning them. Alan Arkin hands out this year’s award to Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton. This was also a strong category, and if we said we weren’t rooting for Amy Ryan ( Beadie on The Wire) for her role in Gone Baby Gone, then we’d be lying. Swinton is warranted though, she certainly gave the most nuanced performance, particularly in her final scene.

9:43- Back from commercial and oh my God we’re only one hour through this thing. We’re going to need a Roger Clemens type B-12 shot to make it through this and expect to watch The Wire’s penultimate episode on demand.

9:44- Enough bitching, Jessica Alba is presenting the award for all the scientific technical awards to several people. Everyone pretends to know what she is talking about.

9:45- Good lord, Stewart is delivering well. Few can so comfortably rip on Alba, Blanchett and Nicholson all in one breath.

9:46- James Brolin and I think James McAvoy presents for best adapted screenplay to the Coen brothers for No Country For Old Men. Seems fitting, but if you read the book then you would know that Tommy Lee Jones’ final scene is also a part reflection on his time at war, and they completely abandon the war backstory in the film.

9:49- Some guy I recognize but cannot put a name to is talking about the academy selecting process. It’s interesting, sort of. But unworthy of recapping or mocking. So we’ll just grab some sustenance, which is becoming all the more imperative.

9:53- A half Asian woman is presenting the third performance for best song, also from Enchanted, it is dfamn fucking weird and we refuse to believe this was one of the five best songs from a movie this year. To top it off, the lead singer bares a striking resemblance to Amy Poehler, so it’s all the more difficult to take seriously.

We’re going to set up a different post for the second half, just go to the home page and it will be up top.