Grid Effect

Welcome to my trial period of Nip Tuck. Where we determine whether or not this series is still worth watching. Lets just get this over with.

We open with Liz consulting with Christian and Sean for lipo. She wants to appease her girlfriend of an entire two weeks. She threatens to leave if they do not give the surgery or if they continue to make snide remarks about her weight, looks, sexual orientation etc. Sean asks “why now?”. Great question.

Alanis Morrisette is Liz’s girlfriend, Poppy (Like the restaurateur from Seinfeld, except he was a he and remarkably older than this Poppy). And she is ice cold about Liz’s appearance while she is under the anasthetic, and wants to perform additive surgical procedures, more so than what Liz requested. When Sean and Christian protest, She claims: “I am not going to the keys with someone who looks like a teletubby”. You can always count on Nip Tuck for the dergatory lines about someone’s appearance. No one beats ‘em.

Anyhow, Sean and Christian refuse to do more surgery. When Sean tells Liz about the incident, she is clearly devastated. I don’t think Miami is the best city for someone like Liz to be living in. At least in the sense that, if you’re going to live in a city contingent on tradtional beauty, and you do not fit that mold, then you have to be thick skinned about it. Typically, Liz has been, but she has clearly reached a boiling point.

That weird madame (James The Woman) who hires women with med degrees to seduce and drug unsuspecting male and female victims in an attempt to steal their organs (Doesn’t this sound like an occupation Borat would have had? Gypsy catcher, organ thief, ice maker) is threatened by a gang of Asians.
Coincidentally, Christian calls her for sex immediately afterwards. She obliges and James The Woman is clearly planning on stealing his urethra or something. As predicted, she heads over instead of sending a younger whore and talks shit to him before he passes out from the drugs she gave him. She calls Michelle, James The Woman wants to kill him so he won’t report being drugged and organ robbed by her, Michelle is opposed. What a sweetheart. As a result, they leave him lying unconscious, not before James The Woman looks at his penis though.

Christian returns to the office and has Sean test him, and discovers that he was, in fact, drugged. Not surprisingly, he opts not to report it to police, instead Christian throws a bunch of medical human waste into the old womans car as revenge. She offers up a piece of ass that is currently screwing Saudi royalty. He accepts, James The Woman clearly plans to drug and kill him this time.
When they encounter each other at the office, Michelle sees the vixen black market surgeon and advises Christian against going home with the woman, he ignores her, mostly because he is still contemptuous about what happened between the two of them and her husband.
In the ensuing scene, we jump back and forth between Michelle engaging her husband and Christian nailing the courtesan/organ thief. Michelle confronts Burt and resents him making her have sex with Christian while he looked on.
She claims she stayed because she pitied him, not for his money and power. Which is not only illogical but also insane. He immediately needs his pills, she refuses to assist him and he dies while crawling downstairs. She then dices him up and takes something out of him, probably a kidney. Whatever it is, its what the woman Christian was with intended on removing from him, because she gets a text message that reads: “Abort”. My favorite part about the whole scene is the prostitute Christian was with had around three minutes of screentime, simulated coitus, looked at a beeper and didn’t get one word of dialogue. All while in nothing but her underwear.

In dysfunctional marriage news, Sean insists Julia and Marlo (the midget nanny) go out together while he watches the kid, he is still none the wiser to them making out from last week. While in line for the film, julia is somewhat self-conscious about being in public with a little person, especially if its perceived their on a date. Never the less, they still sit directly next to each other at the movie theater despite multiple open seats, which prompts them to make out yet again. She feels guilty and storms out of the theater. This entire scene rang unrealistic to me, because anyone who goes to movies with platonic friends leaves at least one seat in between the two of them if at all possible, right? In no way is this my light agoraphobia corrupting my judgment.

Marlo, wants a leg lengthening procedure to put Julia at ease, he tells Sean its for a women, but does not specify who. They show what the procedure entails, its easily the roughest thing I have seen from this series, and I am not always heavy on censorship, but this should be banned from basic cable. The surgery is kind of fruitless because an ideal outcome only gives him six extra inches. Yet he manages to fantasize about buying tickets from the same theater at eye-level. Amazingly, this is the second series I have watched with a physically defecient nanny wrecking a marriage (Sopranos with the one legged Russian). Sean tells Julia about him desiring a procedure, and not-so-subtly calls Marlo a hypocrite. Much like with every moral dilemma, she freaks out about it and storms out of the house to dissuade Marlo from the elective surgery. Of course, she bangs Peter Dinklage. And its hysterical.

If you couldn’t tell by the tone of my post, it is becoming increasingly difficult to take this show seriously. There are some relevant questions I am sure you have asked yourself, like where has Matt been the past two episodes? Well, according to the previews, the answer is getting Kimber pregnant. You know, the woman who was going to marry his biological Dad and had an affair with his surrogate Dad. To quote South Park, Nice. Niiiicccccee.