Grid Effect

It appears we now have two classic television series’ with a good chance of being adapted for the big screen: Arrested Development & Friends. I use the word “classic” to describe both of these shows, so you know just how vague the term actually is. It could really mean anything! Huzzah!

Both should make some decent coin, as Friends has an overwhelmingly sycophantic, predictable audience that will laugh at anything, while Arrested Development carries a very vocal, very pretentious and often times very annoying but loyal fan base. Take me for example, I’m currently wearing a Bluth Frozen Banana t-shirt with a giant sprinting banana on the back. When I wear it in public, people think it’s some sort of allegiance to the gay community. Do I look at them with disdain and an air of superiority because of their blatant homophobia? No. I look at them with disdain and an air of superiority because they’re fucking morons for not watching a TV show I watch.

So yes, I will be there, opening night, scowling at all the patrons in line for the latest Adam Sandler or Julia Roberts vehicle that has an opening weekend concurrent with AD’s. Thing is, I think they only averaged about two million viewers an episode which would tally roughly $20 million box office. I’ve turned about ten people on to AD since its cancellation, if everyone of the two million strong did the same then that number should increase…But yeah, in actuality, they might need to release this in the early spring so it doesn’t get slaughtered.

If the Bluth family were real, this is how they would spend their days.

As for the Friends movie, I can’t even fathom the things I would do to not see this. Luckily this is a free society and to avoid seeing it I just avoid seeing it. But if someone were to put a gun to my head and gave me the ultimatum to either set an animal shelter on fire, see Friends or meet my maker…then I’m afraid some puppies would have to die.

It’s clear the only reason everyone in the cast is on board is in direct response to the cast’s limited post-Friends success. And that, in and of itself, is hardly a reason to shell out $10 for an adaptation of a pretty formulaic TV show that I hardly ever watched in the first place. The movie will probably be hesitantly accepted by its fans, like they know it’s bad but they don’t want to admit it. You ever hear a die hard Sex and The City fan reflect on the movie? And I don’t mean the fembot NYC drones that shape their lives around this show, I mean like real people? It always begins with, “It wasn’t like the TV show…” and then ends with, “…But yeah, yeah, it was fun”, like their conscious won’t allow them to out and out hate the movie. This is verbatim, how I imagine the reaction to the Friends movie being.

If you happen to dislike both of these shows, but are a fan of 24, Lost, Desperate Housewives, CSI or whatever the hell else ABC airs nowadays, then don’t worry, I have a hunch that your favorite characters will get their theatrical release soon enough.