Grid Effect

Both my love for Naismith’s game and the outlet 451 Press has afforded me led to the decision to attempt a running diary of tonight’s NBA draft. I understand this is a television blog and I mainly discuss television series’, so it is also understood that the connection is tentative at best and definitely out of the ordinary. But screw it, this isn’t a democracy and I am only so interested in appeasement. This draft is loaded and I am watching it regardless, so just skip this post if you’re a hockey fan.

7:30- Welcome to the most anticipated NBA draft in a quarter of a century, given the circumstances, I’m sure nothing will go wrong or be retroactively funny. We’re going to play it by ear and see if we can extend this into through the second round or ends at the first. We love the game, but when it comes to second round draft picks, our relationship status is best described as open.

7:32- David Stern welcomes us and gives a free plug for the WNBA but is also non-threatening, so we consider this a successful introduction. I’m used to being scared shitless of Stern.

7:33- We get a good look at the Portland Trailblazers war room. Apparently it takes a brain trust of about a dozen guys to determine that drafting the best post-prospect in twenty five years is a good idea.

7:36- The Blazers do what they should and take Oden, he hugs a woman who’s presumably his mother, Durant looks as one would expect: unsurprised.

7:38- We get a montage of Oden overwhelming college post players in the paint, it is glorious.

7:39- Oden is interviewed by our favorite reporter with a lazy-eye, Stuart Scott. It is already outdated to crack jokes about how old Oden looks, but his demeanor only exceeds his geriatric appearance in maturity. He’s affable and even self-deprecating and clearly I’m immensely biased. In short, this interview just makes Kevin Pritchard feel better about the non-decision to draft him.

7:41- We get word that Boston will trade their five pick, Delonte West and Szczerbiak (sp?) for Ray Allen, if this actually goes through I have to believe that Danny Ainge is somewhat masochistic. But if they need to acquire someone to keep Pierce like the aging two-guard demanded, then I guess they have no choice. Still, I don’t know if a 32 year-old set shooter is the answer for pissing away the #5 pick in a loaded draft.

7:42- Durant is taken by the Sonics, but breaks his leg standing up to approach the stage. Seriously this cat reminds me of Mr Glass. Still, it goes without saying that Durant was the obvious choice, but Seattle isn’t doing him any favors with the aforementioned trade news. Methinks Yi is going to occupy that fifth pick now.

7:45- Stuart Scott decided to make everyone uncomfortable by asking Durant about his inability to bench 185 lbs even once, Durant brushes it off with the knowledge that he just officially becoming a millionaire.

7:48- Horford is taken 3rd overall by The Hawks. He’s a forward, and the fifth straight first round forward the Hawks have taken in the draft. His dad causes a scene waving a Portuguese flag. His former teammate at Florida, Corey Brewer, actually looks happy for him. Speaks to the degree of success they experienced while in Gainesville.

7:51- Horford does the routine interview with Scott. He concludes it with saying their was a group of Gator fans called the “Horford hotties”, but doesn’t include any details to how initiation is conducted.

7:52- Mike Conley is drafted by the Grizzlies, making him the second Buckeye and third player from the title game. He swears he can play without Oden, which he hasn’t had to do for the past ten years, so naturally everyone is curious to the legitimacy of his claim. They show clips of his father/agent dunking from the free throw line and scenes from He Got Game are dancing in my head.

7:57- Boston selects Jeff Green who’s immediately going to Seattle in the Allen deal. The Sonics will be lethal in about five years. For the upcoming season however, they should be demoted to the eastern conference, where they would probably make the playoffs. But multiple versatile players between Green, Durant and Rashard Lewis (assuming he changes that adamant position that he wants to leave) and a town who couldn’t give a fuck less combines for a great acquisition for basketball fans in Oklahoma City.

7:59- Green points out a fantastically hilarious double entendre in that his NBA jersey will be green, and the color also serves as his last name. Apparently he knows he is going to Seattle, because Scott makes a crack about Starbucks and Green offers no reaction. I guess I couldn’t expect Jeff Green or Stuart Scott to make me laugh any more than I could expect Jon Stewart to be able to dunk a basketball.

8:04- The Milwaukee Bucks have taken Yi Jianlian, despite the fact the Chinese Government has warned the NBA about sending any of their players to a city with a limited Chinese population (i.e., they want him in a major market on the either coast). I’m assuming he is trade bait. God, I’m praying he does the interview with Scott.

8:06- There is a dearth of foreign players this year, Tirico and Andy Katz are visibly upset that the American public will be familiar with most of the people drafted.

8:07- Yes! we get an interview, Scott asks him why he thinks he’s ready for the pro game. He essentially says because he is ready, but with broken English, so it isn’t much different than your typical draftee interview (I kid, I kid). Apparently he has been here for a couple years, attends film premieres and goes to clubs. Tirico calls him “Americanized”, which I’m sure the Chinese love. Considering they were prepared to drag Yao Ming out of here for far less frivolous reasons than going clubbing, they’re probably ecstatic that he already leads a life resembling that of a cast member on The Hills.

8:10- Stephen A. Smith is going ape shit over the owner of The Bucks not seeing Yi for himself. It’s what us NBA fans have come to expect from the abrasively annoying commentator.

8:12- Minnesota Timberwolves select Corey Brewer, who I think is handily the third best player in this draft. This guy is an absolute beast: 6′9, can go left, can go right, can knock down the three and plays the best perimeter defense of anyone coming out of the draft. The consummate professional. Joakim Noah is wearing a bow tie, probably just to draw attention to his attention drawing freakish mug.

8:14- Brewer gives the dullest interview of the pack so far, which is saying something. But he can be as dull as he want if he carries the downtrodden T-Wolves into the playoffs at some point. They should be trying to acquire draft picks with Garnett if he’s so staunch in his (long overdue) trade demands. But the ironic part is, Brewer will be the best teammate he has had since Sprewell and Cassell skipped town. Never the less, as good as Brewer is, the two of them can’t make a playoff run in the overloaded west.

8:17- Mike Tirico decides to twist the knife in the collective hearts of Knicks fans by reminding them all that the ninth pick would be going to them had they not traded it to The Bulls for an over-compensated Eddie Curry.

8:18- The Charlotte Bobcats take another North Carolina Tarheel in Brandan Wright, the lengthy, sometimes disinterested freshman forward. Bilas thinks he is a steal, and as far as talent goes he is a top three candidate, but if he didn’t want to utilize his potential in college, once he is swimming in a pool of gold coins like uncle Scrooge he isn’t going to be anymore motivated.

8:21- In the Stuart Scott interview it says in the caption that he was three time Mr. Basketball in Tennessee, which is a daunting accomplishment and sort of indicates his talent. He also said Michael Jordan, the GM of The Bobcats, doesn’t want any of him in one on one. Probably not that intimidating with the braces and all.

8:23- Spike Lee is at the draft again, and you have to admire his loyalty. I wonder if the Knicks continue at this pace will he jump ship when The Nets move to Brooklyn.

8:24- Chicago takes Joakim Noah, which I do not understand. They already have three other above average defensive big men with no offensive credentials, why take a fourth? Did they see the Mavs-Warriors series? Remember, when the 8th seeded Warriors beat the #1 seeded Mavericks in the playoffs because Dallas couldn’t counter their fast paced offense with any interior offense? Yeah, that’s what they’re setting themselves up for. Maybe they are looking to unload that unwarranted Ben Wallace contract.

8:28- One thing I like about Joakim Noah is when he is asked a question, he gives a real answer, as opposed to the inarticulate, textbook jock response. He does so a couple times in his Stuart Scott interview.

8:30- I like these NBA Live ‘08 commercials with Arenas and Durant, especially when Arenas refers to himself as “Hibachi”. I knew a guy who used to say “cookies” any time he converted a basket, though I think referring to yourself as cookies probably isn’t deemed terribly cool in most social circles.

8:32- The Sacramento Kings select Spencer Hawes out of Washington with the tenth overall pick (in case you weren’t keeping track). Sacramento is either looking to get worse and sabotage the team for whoever buys them from the Maloofs, or they think this is a legitimate choice and they are looking to rebuild with a long term project. Jay Bilas does all he can to make this sound like a wise decision, but then says he cannot rebound and is a poor athlete (relatively speaking). Man, he must feel like a pariah at this, not only is he the first white player taken but he also has a “God Bless George Bush” bumper sticker. Umm, does he realize he is in Manhattan?

8:35- John Paxson is talking up the Noah pick, if I was them I would have traded down and gotten Hawes or Julian Wright. Even Stephen A. doesn’t like the pick. He does bring a certain energy that none of the current workman like Bulls provide, but he is yet another offensive liability in the post on a team already loaded with them.

8:38- The Hawks take Acie Law IV, the senior point guard out of Texas A&M with the eleventh pick. The Hawks are notorious for passing on quality point guards for swing forwards. They probably wanted to take Conley with the third pick but couldn’t pass on Horford. It’s a tough position, but at least Tyrone Lue isn’t the best option anymore.

8:41- Apparently, and this is not surprising, A&M didn’t win a conference game Acie’s freshman year. He explains perseverance as the reason for his ascension into the lottery. No shit. Also, he’s a (the?) nephew of Ernie Banks.

8:42- The Philadelphia Sixers have the twelfth pick as a result of being the only hopeless team in 2007 not to tank the season to improve their standing in the lottery. In fact they finished their season 17-9 and were 30-28 after trading Allen Iverson. The winning record might be attributed to rest of their division tanking, but is respectable none the less. What do they get for their nobility…

8:46- Why, Thaddeus Young of course. The freshman forward from Georgia Tech. A streak shooter with a penchant for going soft under the glass, but is the quintessential athlete. He had a 4.3 GPA (do some universities go on a 5.0 scale?) and was in NHS. I imagine that is a lonely wagon he is on at this event.

8:52- Billy King, the universally mocked NBA GM formerly with Philly, now with Atlanta, justifies the Acie Law pick while looking like he is on his way to a party with Marion Barry.

8:53- The New Orleans Hornets take Julian Wright, the forward from Kansas. Dick Vitale likes him, but doesn’t miss an opportunity to trash him compared to Al Thronton. If in the middle of the season you had said Thaddeus Young would be drafted ahead of Julian Wright, you would have been laughed out of whatever particular venue you were in.

8:56- Julian Wright is already thinking about his broadcast career. Way to keep your eye on the tiger there, Julian. Clearly he has his priorities straight. Also Stephen A. Smith is his favorite on air personality, that could be a warning flag for The Hornets, as SAS is somewhat contemptuous and confrontational.

8:59- The LA Clippers take Al Thornton, the twenty-four year old forward out of Florida State. Keep in mind this cat is about three years older than anyone else being drafted. And older than some of the best players in the league, so you are getting him pretty close to his peak. But he is the proverbial scorer. Sounds good, right? Well, not if you already have Corey Maggette and Tim Thomas.

9:01- Even if I didn’t know anything about Al Thornton, it’s pretty discernible that he is light years ahead of the previous thirteen picks. Just in his calm demeanor, his tone of voice, his responses… yeah, he’s an adult. The rest are still adolescents, at least in mindset.

9:05- Detroit Pistons, the loosest definition of “dynasty” I have ever heard of, take Rodney Stuckey our of Eastern Washington with the fifteenth pick. This is their first of two opening round picks. I didn’t watch EWU play a game this year, so I’m not even going to pretend like I know anything about him.

9:08- Stuart Scott interviews him, and it is hard to believe grades were an issue. He seems grounded and bright enough, maybe Washington (his first school he was kicked out of for poor marks) doesn’t assist students academically like everyone else.

9:10- Washington Wizards, who seem like the most obscure team in the league, take Nick Young out of USC with the pick. Call me crazy, but with Brendan Haywood and Etan Thomas occupying the paint for them, I probably would have went big. Never the less, this guy is inarguably a beast. Stephen A. Smith just repeated me verbatim.

9:12- Stuart Scott keeps bringing up the fact his brother died while growing up. I’m sure he appreciates you slaughtering his high, Stewie. Fucking idiot. Why don’t you just call my mother a fat pig while you are at it?

9:15- There has been a trade agreed to in principal between the Knicks and Blazers, in which Portland would take Steve Francis and Channing Frye (meh) for Dan Dickau, Zach Randolph and Fred Jones. Wait, what? Well Spike Lee approves, as well he should. Portland could have given up the same thing and gotten a top fifteen pick. I understand they want to get away from the whole “Jailblazers” reputation from the late 90’s early 2000’s, but they are giving up a 20-10 guy for virtually nothing. And in the East? 20-10 out west usually means 28-13 in the east. Stephen A. is yelling at us.

9:19- Sean Williams from Boston College is drafted by the Nets with the 17th pick. He was kicked out of school for “multiple rule violations” and was forced into rehab. They do not have to disclose his infractions because it is a private school, which is an additive perk to attending a school without state funds. You can kill someone, have the school cover it up and be disciplined in house, then be gainfully employed by the NBA. The American dream, no?

9:22- Golden State has the 18th pick, and takes Marco Belinelli, the 21 year old Italian who plays in a league supposedly better than the NCAA. He has been a professional since he was sixteen and looks like one of the Jason’s from the second season of The Sopranos.

9:24- The Los Angeles Lakers are primarily concerned with easing Kobe Bryants competitive pain, not sure if that can happen with the 19th pick. Jim Gray, everyone’s favorite invasive live television personality, summarizes the dire state of the storied franchise. According to Rick Bucher they are looking to trade Andrew Bynum and some baggage to Indiana for Jermaine O’Neal. Something of a lateral move if you ask me. It’s like giving up Jason Campbell for Steve McNair, if the NFL is more your thing.

9:29- The Lakers take Javaris Crittenton from Georgia Tech, yet another freshman. This one is a point guard. They bring in Dick Vitale to do an exposition on him, he takes about ten seconds to switch subjects from the topic at hand to Zach Randolph to Kobe Bryant to comparing this draft to 2003. Nothing like a little levity.

9:35- The Miami Heat, needing to retool at essentially every position other than shooting guard, select Jason Smith from Colorado State University. A 6′11 Forward with a jumper and some perimeter game. Jay Bilas points out the obvious that he never won in college.

9:37- The maligned GM of The Lakers is being stick miked by Jim Gray’s pen about Kobe Bryant, he takes three minutes to tell him and the rest of the world to piss off about Kobe Bryant and other shit that is none of their goddamn business. But he’s much more eloquent and makes several excuses for why they haven’t been able to facilitate a trade. If nothing else, Kupchak can dance.

9:40- Philly makes their second of three first round picks with Daquan Cook from Ohio State, yet another Buckeye. Apparently he is going to Miami in a trade for Jason Smith and cash considerations. From what I have seen and heard of Cook here in Columbus, Jay Bilas summarizes it perfectly, and it is a common NBA tale: great potential and ability, limited maturity and interest. A poor man’s Brandan Wright.

9:43- Rod Thorne justifies drafting another head case for The Nets and is strangely convincing. Have fun in Bedstuy, Rod. I’m sure you’ll fit right in. Oh, and Vince Carter is supposedly going to opt out of his contract extension, good times in the metropolitan area.

9:47- Charlotte and Michael Jordan have decided to take Jared Dudley out of Boston College with the 22nd pick. One would think with Georgia Tech and Boston College each having two players taken in the first round that they would have went deep into the tournament. But no, if memory serves they both lost in the first round of the NCAA tourney, GT to UNLV and Boston College to whomever.

9:49- Spike Lee is being interviewed by Lisa Saunders. He is resentful of other Knicks fans booing Isiah Thomas’ picks, and he is right, Isiah does alright (not great) in the draft, but he’s an irrational moron when it comes to free agency and every other facet of being integrally involved with running an NBA franchise. So the booing is warranted, even if it is ill-timed.

9:52- Spike ruined this pick of Wilson Chandler by predicting it correctly. Or Isiah told him what was going to happen, since that’s the type of insider knowledge you get for being loyal enough to support his ongoing employment.

9:56- Phoenix, who literally sold all their picks last year, is rumored to have sold this one to Portland as well. Phoenix will make the pick and it will be at the insistence of The Blazers. If they are so opposed to the up and coming generation, I’m surprised they haven’t dealt for Garnett yet.

9:58- They take a Spaniard named Rudy Fernandez, another 21 year-old foreigner. Whoever is doing the voice over is making the argument that if he played for a premiere college program he would have been a lottery pick. When you are Paul Allen and all you are giving up is cash for someone with all-star potential, then it is worth the risk.

10:03- Utah is on the clock, and I predict will take a white guy, if not a foreigner. Whoa, I’m wrong on both accounts. They take Morris Almond out of Rice. I want to hear who the last Rice alum was that was drafted in the first round. Okay, well, Tirico just said in no uncertain terms that one hasn’t been drafted out of the Houston school for 24 years, but no mention of who it was.

10:11- Houston selects Aaron Brooks from Oregon, a great value pick. A point guard under six feet with shooting ability and an unmatched tenacity, solid role of the dice this late, but The Rockets have little to no need at point guard with Mike James and Rafer Alston.

10:14- Andy Katz is explaining that the threat from the Chinese Government is to restrict Yi Jianlian from playing in the NBA should he be drafted by Milwaukee. If you live in that city, or the state of Wisconsin in general, how do you not take that personally and vote Republican in 2008? They’re going red anyways, but why not at least leave a slim possibility open, China? Sorry, it is getting slow ’round here.

10:16- Detroit is going to make the 27th pick as soon as ESPN wraps up profiling Seattle’s new GM, Sam Presti.

10:19- And the beleaguered Pistons take Aaron Affalo, probably the most overrated player in all of college basketball this past season, which is probably why he left early and went in the late first round. Why is Detroit stockpiling guards? I guess they are assuming Chauncey Billups has no intention of sticking around and they know Rip Hamilton cannot do anything but hit a mid-range jumper and play a little D, but didn’t they just let Ben Wallace leave town and currently have a front line who averages 55 years of age? Between, Sheed, McDyess, Webber and Maxil, they might have to get a Country Kitchen Buffet in the clubhouse.

10:25- San Antonio selects another foreigner, Tiago Splitter from Brazil. There is some guitar riff that keeps accentuating in the background, which means you know he’s good. Much like the Spaniard drafted by Portland, he cannot play until the 2008-2009 season, thus explaining why he might have slipped.

10:30- Phoenix takes Alando Tucker, who before the championship game of the Big Ten tournament was a projected top ten pick, but then was clobbered against Ohio State and decimated in the NCAA tournament. Vitale is endorsing his virtues, but it seems like bullshit. If he plays he will put up numbers because he is in Phoenix, but will struggle to even get minutes on that squad, considering he is the first player Phoenix has drafted with the intentions of keeping in two years.

10:34- Philly is drafting 30th to close out the first round, and I simply do not have it in me to extend this charade for another hour and a half when we are at a good stopping point.

10:37- David Stern announces the Miami-Philly pick, making it official. Philly drafts a Findland native named Petteri Koponen to conclude the first round. He is nineteen and and has played little competitive basketball, another foreigner who will not play professionally for a couple years, says Ric Bucher. Still, he is at the draft with his thirty person family and they are ecstatic, and that is what the draft exemplifies: Pure ecstasy at the promise of realizing a kid’s dream. Regardless of what happens from here on out, he’ll have this moment.

With that sorry attempt at succinct eloquence, we are capping this. It was entirely too long and I immediately regretted the decision to cover this. We might be back later on Friday with a set of links or something, it remains undetermined.