Grid Effect

Well, that is some odd grammar being thrown around in the episode title. Appropriate I suppose, for an American television series being shot in China. And honestly, the landscape is a welcomed change to the scenic yet generic tropical setting that we’ve endured over the years. Still, this was something of a wasted hour.

The first post I ever wrote for this website was about the blandness of early Survivor episodes, and there is/was no reason to think this was any different. They reduced the number of contestants from twenty and eighteen back down to sixteen, but its still too many to track, and the only ones that are put into focus are those that will end up being on the chopping block.

But what did we learn this episode? Well, we learned China’s countryside (proper terminology?) is fucking gorgeous yet uninviting. There are few to no likable contestants (minus James the introverted, muscle-bound gravedigger) including a Christian talk show host, a chicken farmer who nicknamed himself after his work, a Chinese woman named Phei-Gee, whom everyone is just referring to as PG, a female WWE wrestler (Meaning she more or less exposes her breast implants, which are egregious, and roles around in a ring a few times a week), a poker player and a bunch of doughy white guys, among others. In other words: really few distinguishable participants.

Wait, who the hell are these people? Are they contestants? Or the production crew? Are they lost? I swear I’ve never seen these people in my life.

The Buddhist Monk ceremony that opened the episode really exposed some people, particularly a conceited waitress from New York, who is more boastful of simply living in New York than perhaps anything else in her life. She actually made a correlation between being a waitress in the city to being a snotty little bitch in these people’s temple of worship. Both of which, though her perspective is probably slightly different than mine, are probably connected in more ways than she realizes. The Christian radio show host was a bit uncomfortable and walked out, which I suppose is fine though could be interpreted as intolerant by some, generally the intolerant. But the comment she made summarizing the scenario, claiming she isn’t necessarily a spiritual person despite only kneeling before Jesus, in addition to having her profession labeled right under her nose on the Survivor heading, was a bit befuddling.

So, there’s that, plus the people who were dressed so ill-equipped that you would assume these people were hand selected and didn’t audition. The wrestler showed up in these tall, elaborate wrestling boots that I can only assume are part of her costume, another girl arrived sans bra and everyone was shocked when they had to leave behind their luggage. Really, everyone is fairly unimpressive upon first impression and I’m not too enamored with anyone yet, certainly no Yul’s in this bunch.

She certainly has our attention. But to be frank, she was somewhat peripheral until the camera caught her floating downstream.

Anyways, the challenge consists of the team running through an obstacle course with one of those paper dragon things you always see in Jet Li movies. The red team takes it home, the yellow team goes back deflated and uncertain, though the vote comes down to PG for being an unstable wreck, Chicken for indecisiveness, and the wrestler for being sick and seemingly alarmist. The vote goes as such:
Chicken
Ashley (wrestler)
Ashley
PG
Chicken
Chicken
Chicken

We discover one other vote went towards Ashley and Chicken totaled five. If its of any advice to him, the mumbling probably didn’t help his cause. He lets out an emphatic “Daamn!” when his name is read on that fourth card that causes Ashley and others around her to jump. That WWE just can’t catch a PR break.

In his parting words, Chicken is shocked (SHOCKED!), he tells us, that the young group didn’t come together, and he predictably predicts their untimely competitive demise. He expresses gratitude for CBS picking up the tab and flying him to the other side of the world.

Tonight: The poker player is called out on his laziness and suggests they all rest. So he’s obviously stoned, because only a damn retard would suggest such a thing in such a situation. And Ashley McBreast Augmentation is awarded with the seasons first blurred anatomical feature. Congrats.

Too tired to watch crap television last night, at lunch we’ll watch portions of the three pilots we recorded and give a very, very succinct review of each one later today.