Grid Effect

As opposed to the past few weeks, we’re doing this as a play-by-play because we’re going to be driving all day tomorrow and won’t have time to drum up any additional commentary.

Pre-credits scene, Kota comes back from TC marveling at Ken butting heads with Marcus and getting him voted out. Ken’s doing the whole look at the introvert coming out of his shell bit. Bob has been all but guaranteed he is going should they lose again.

Over at Fang, Matty laments in all his surfer boy psuedo-charm. Corinne begins making insane demands over minute things, like put down the package that came with treemail like it’s containing nuclear weaponry. Guess what, it had a bunch of sticks and intentionally dinged up props they can use to practice for their next challenge. Just like it always was and always will be.

Corinne looks devastated upon discovering that Marcus was sent packing, and claims that Marcus didn’t “deserve” to leave the game, in the words of Snoop who used the words of WIll Munny, deserve has nothing to do with it, you shortsighted twat. Anyhow, the game is slinging baseballs as far as possible and eventually attempting to land them in a hole. Bob is doing the slinging for Kota on the first two “holes” and Matty for Fang, Ken chips it in to give kota the first point. You know how golf is incredibly slow and monotonous? Yeah, well, this is basically the same principal, but sped up a little to cater to our attention span. So while it isn’t slow, it’s still monotonous.

In short: Fang gets the second point to send them into a grudge match, Randy begins arguing about the tension or something on the slingshot and looks like he wants to hit Matty in the back of the head with a shovel and bury him alive. Given that the “hole” (its really a contraption that Survivor production put together) is an inch away, it is all wholly unnecessary. Even after they won Randy wouldn’t let the argument about the tension on the sling drop. Considering character is half of this game, its about the most insane thing we’ve seen in the seven seasons or so we’ve watched.

At the reward where Corinne’s smiles make my eyes bleed because she’s won about a dozen challenges where she didn’t really contribute. Literally, she sat it out. Again. Matty manages to take the cake and attribute this win to God, I’m not sure if it was done in jest or seriously. A two year old girl saddles up to Corinne, and we couldn’t stress enough that her parents need to intevene.

They discuss Marcus’ ouster and Charlie literally says that he was doing all the thinking for them. Brilliant. What the fuck did you come out here for? They start dancing with the natives and Randy is under the impression one of them liked him. He is quite self deprecating when he says a woman hasn’t come onto him in twenty years, but he seems entirely too excited.

Back at Kota, Ken is ecstatic to be at the island with “two very beautiful women” in regards to Susie and Crystal. At least he isn’t completely superficial and we are liking his chances seeing that he isn’t going to be manipulated by Sugar or Corinne. He’s just genuinely decent and says something similar about all women, which is why he’s going to lose.

Bob is at exile and looking for the idol, which he’s of course going to discover that it has been claimed already, and Sugar’s boasting about being the sole possessor of it is going to look entirely idiotic if he announces to everyone at Immunity that she has it. Which he should do.

Naturally, Bob proves to be one step ahead of us and throws together a jangly looking fake idol (though not as bad as Ozzy’s last season) that he is going to claim is his to his tribe should they have to go to TC. Its a pretty sound idea, but it overlooks the fact that Crystal and Ken have spent a lot of time with Sugar, and if she has it like he suspects she does, then there stands a good chance that they know about it as well. Unless he can pull some contrarian bullshit out of his ass with Susie, he might be out of luck.

Over at Fang, they get mail and begin speculating as to the makeup of the challenge. Randy bad mouths Crystal’s size while everyone stands around awkwardly silent sans Corinne, who is naturally laughing.

At Immunity, they do indeed discover that they are merging and competing for individual immunity. Bob is understandably more thankful than anyone else. The challenge is pretty standard: burn through a rope that is elevated above their stations. Not to be anticlimactic, but Susie wins in a landslide. The only other contestant to even get a flame going is surprisingly Sugar. It was pretty disgraceful on everyone else’s part. It looks like not only was Marcus doing all the thinking for them, but he and Susie are the only reason Kota is still alive.

Back at camp, everyone pretends to be ecstatic to be around each other, considering Randy’s claim that he isn’t going back to camp with Crystal and it is either him or her going, we imagine Ken will be sent packing. Matty at least understood everyone’s bullshit. Charlie seems to break it down honestly for us, as he says Susie, Ken, Matty & Crystal are an alliance, and Charlie, Corinne, Randy & Bob are the other.

Corinne gets out and out nasty talking about how she must do all these laborious activities like pretend to care about her and be interested in what she is saying just so she’ll do exactly what Corinne wants her to. God, life is so unfair sometimes.

The Good alliance determines they need to get rid of Charlie because he’s “the brains”, like it makes a fucking difference who goes home as long as you maintain numbers. Sugar goes off on an explanation about how she doesn’t trust anyone there. It’s a good mentality to have, but being the dreaded swing vote is terrible in the long run.

At TC, it looks like the second Kota alliance is on the fringe of collapsing until Crystal jumps into the fray and asks Randy why he doesn’t like her. Its all pretty frivolous and none of it is necessary. But they love making declarative statements. Apparently Ken’s maturity is shining through, as both Charlie and Randy comment on it. Sugar is asked about her feelings in the game, and everyone reacts noticeably but isn’t sure how to interpret it. Randy votes for Crystal calling her a “bitch” and Charlie does the same calling him “his Marcus”; Ken votes for Charlie. Sugar contemplates her decision and if there is a god, she will go with Charlie (that came out a lot worse than I intended it to). The rest read as such:

Crystal, Crystal, Crystal, Crystal, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie…..Charlie! Thank you, Crystal. This season might actually be redeemable now. Of all the people in that alliance, we hate to see Charlie go, but it is for the greater good given his alliance. It is time to send Randy out, then Corinne, then pave way for Ken to take this all the way to the victory podium.

In his parting words, Charlie is happy to go out on a blindside if he has to go out. Though reading Crystal’s name four times first was a bit cruel. Anyhow, he’s just happy to feel Marcus’ warm embrace one more time.

Next week, Randy strips naked because he’s a shut-in and lies his ass off trying to sway the tide. Probably no one will believe him and its a shame Sugar hates him so passionately, being that she’s the deciding vote and all. Still, I can’t knock him for trying, just for everything else about his personality.