Grid Effect

We kind of lied at the end of yesterday’s post when we assured a later day entry about the reunion and whatnot. We just pushed it back a day for the sake of efficiency. Also, this will be our last post on this Survivor season, so if you hate this show as much as most people in my demographic then rest easy, because this is the last time we’ll be posting about it until the fall season in Gabon (which looks fucking amazing).

The jury was probably the strangest exhibition of human behavior on reality television since Puck spit on David on the first “Real World/Road Rules Challenge”. They should put these eight people in a room with no windows together and see what the situation bares because an island just isn’t confined enough for such…peculiar characters. We’ll just do a rundown of the jury questions we can still recall, and pontificate on why they were asked:

Natalie: Probably one of the odder characters to ever embrace the Survivor landscape. Don’t get me wrong, I have no issues with alternative lifestyles. But expressing affection in such an obtuse and unsettling manner and inappropriate setting definitely caught us off guard. If you want to proposition her, just wait until the after party when she is good and drunk, Parvati strikes me as the “I’ll try anything once” type. Anyway, Natalie has since claimed that she asked the question because she at least wanted to make Parvati uncomfortable before she voted for her to win a million dollars, which strikes us as at best back-pedaling and at worst denial.

We can’t all have enough decorum to wait until after Tribal Council to make passes at people.

Ozzy: Someone is feeling a little self-righteous for my taste. Parvati and (mostly) Cirie pulled one over on you, just recognize it as good gameplay and move on. He apologized at the reunion, or rather accepted the move for what it is. But we just couldn’t comprehend why after sitting in that hotel for the past couple weeks he was still so vindictive. Apparently they briefly dated after the Cook Islands season so that’s sort of a reason to take it personally. I guess. But his vying for Amanda’s affection was actually more nauseating. The only reason why it wasn’t as misplaced as Natalie’s is 1) editing, and 2) he wasn’t as fucking ambiguous and creepy with what he was trying to say. Still, it’s going to be really embarrassing when she dumps him for some film producer who has a thing for semi-amazons.

Alexis: She was so gravely concerned about how the winner would serve as a role model for young girls that she had to vote for the world’s foremost foxy-boxing authority. I’m guessing she didn’t want to cast a vote for someone who’s profile lists her as a pageant winner, but the real reason she voted for Parvati is because she thought she was “cool” or something. As far as electing a role model for teenagers, the pickins were slim.

James: As dense as he seems about the whole process of participating on Survivor, he sure as shit is good-natured about the entire thing. Even his interrogation of Parvati came off as more playful than anything. Probably the most even-keeled, normalcy displayed in the entire inquisition (or whatever the hell you want to call it).

Eliza: On the other end of the spectrum, young Eliza came out swinging. And for some reason it didn’t seem as bitter as this brand of “questioning” usually seems. Just an honest assessment of each participant’s character. She genuinely seemed to believe Parvati was some immoral sycophant, like Fairplay’s doppelganger or something. And she really seemed to be under the impression that Amanda was dense as a bone and lacking any and all substance.
I didn’t necessarily agree with her on either account (well, maybe the former), but her convictions seemed to impend her choice, and she seemed quite conflicted that she had to cast a vote that would reward these people a seven figure prize. Why she picked Parvati I’ll never understand. Maybe she thought she wouldn’t win, so cast a vote knowing it wouldn’t amount to anything, maybe she just cast it for raw game play. But either way, based on her harpooning of Parvati ten minutes (TV time) before she cast her vote, it was like an OSU fan rooting for Michigan over Michigan State.

Jason: Didn’t bring much to the table in the way of logic or insanity. He simply wanted validation for the one blindside he was apart of.

Cirie: Probably the most constructive (if self-serving) line of questioning. Essentially, she wanted to know why Amanda chose Parvati over her, and instead of giving the textbook “you’re too strong of a competitor” answer, she essentially gave Parvati all the credit for making final two. Which is somewhat counterproductive, considering Amanda is trying to prove that she is more worthy of the million than Parvati, but whatever.

Erik: Also good natured about his blunder, which is probably the biggest ever seen on this show. He seemed to be seething a little during the reunion (non-verbally of course) but overall he seemed to recover well from his most public humiliation. But that wasn’t reflective in his questioning, as he seemed to believe that Amanda genuinely cared about him, whether it was platonic affection or otherwise. Still, the “hard-line” he took with her was still comical, because his voice kept kind-of, sort-of cracking.

This was the closest jury we’ve seen to a parade of carnival freaks, and while it was disappointing in how little the jury questioning revealed, it was definitely memorable. Still, there are plenty of questions we would have liked to have had answered that were never asked.

Speaking of which, the reunion didn’t offer much in the way of unveiling. It would have been nice to have known why people voted they way they did, but that doesn’t draw any ratings it seems, because Probst never inquires about it.

If you want a summary of the reunion, here it is in short: Yau’s still hilarious, Ozzy mocked the lunch lady from China, everyone who was injured is now fine, Mikey’s mom died, Parvati’s still self-absorbed, Joel is still frightening, James won the fan vote, Mary’s getting married, Fairplay has a daughter and wants Jeff to hug her and Cirie was virtually ignored. The end.

In other words, like every other Survivor reunion, it was rather uneventful and we’re still not sure why we watch it. A dreary end to an exciting season.

Probably links or something tomorrow.