Grid Effect

We’re really looking at an entertaining episode this season. Two episodes in we have two entertaining (if non-commendable) episodes in a row. Here’s last week’s recap, let’s just jump right into this week’s.

We return with the favs walking back from TC, Ozzy snagged a fish on his way back with his bare hands. Seems like an even swap. Penner seems to be the only one that’s disappointed on a personal level, since he wanted to try and take him to final two (seems a little early to be making such grand plans, something tells me Penner doesn’t believe in the one day at a time approach to sports management) but on a team level he’s indifferent.

Over at the fans, who apparently haven’t been swept away in a hurricane, are trying to revamp their shelter. Alexis attempts to starts a fire with the flint and everyone sort of gathers around. Apparently none of these people have personalities because this all too close to Space Odyssey. For some reason, the fire isn’t coming so naturally now and it’s causing some strife. Kathleen is bitching about not having a place to sleep, the behemoth calls her out on her lack of productivity. Tracy, Chet and Kathleen are being maligned by the younger seven members. Its a standard two riffs in this game, somehow both working their way into this tribe before a single tribal council.

Ozzy is dicing up some sort of aquatic life and camera interviews how hot Amanda is but attempting to avoid a target on his back. Parvati and James aren’t nearly as concerned with discretion.

Man, James has really let himself go.

The older alliance at the fans has built there own little mini shelter, and the younger crowd asks Tracy for assistance with their new tribe. After the manner in which they vilified the older tribe members, this fairly embarrassing for the younger alliance even if they do not realize it. They put up close captioning for a “please, please, please, please” while trying to start a fire, I guess it was too illustrate their desperation but It was completely audible. You see Survivor? This is why Amazing Race always takes home the Emmy, because of weird shit like that. Now that everyone is eating, they’re all in good spirits.

Mary and Mikey are hitting it off, and he wants to simply use her to his advantage in the game. Muscle man Joel is observant enough to recognize it as a threat and suggests the three older tribe mates will still be the first to go, which means it will probably be him.

Aaannnnd Ozzy is already making out with Amanda, Cirie is amused. James is really putting forth his best hand to get a piece from Parvati. Penner wonders about the practicality of two couples hooking up in a cave with five other people that you’re trying to systemically eliminate from a game. Cirie gives a vote of confidence to the Penner-Yau-Eliza-Ami tribe. She’ll play her best hand though because she’s not an idiot.

At another Immunity and reward challenge, because we want to give returning members even more camera time, they’re collecting keys that they bat into the water after running across several lily pads and swimming to a platform which they leap off. The keys unlock — but what else? — Pieces to a puzzle, which forms a map of Micronesia. The reward is fishing gear and sending someone to Exile, plus a cliffhanger for a twist at the end of the challenge.

Ozzy and Jason kick off the challenge, Ozzy smokes him b/c Jason (the flying tomato kid who beat him to the island last week) was probably nervous and Ozzy is like the Michael Jordan of contrived obstacle courses. I imagine Ozzy was the most popular kid in his elementary school. Don’t worry, no shame in finishing second to Ozzy in one of these things.

In short, Alexis loses ground to Ami, Chet gains a little on Amanda until he loses track of the key and is completely incapable of finding it. Parvati gets the fourth key which leads Penner out. Mikey heads out for the fans and snags his on the surface of the water while Penner slowly but surely finds his. Eric ran the last leg and gets it rather promptly. Favorites get their puzzle open and solved before the fans even return with their key. The favs send Kathy to exile, then the aforementioned twist is favorites have to send one of their own, they go with Cirie because she is the least solidified with an alliance. And also because Cirie sort of volunteers herself, because the built in advantages are obvious.

At exile, Kathleen dawns her relief that Cirie was sent to Exile with her. Ironically, Cirie was on Exile Island. They decipher that the y need to go to the original island and find another clue, then to another island, then back to the first island that they were sent to from Exile Island. I guess they’re not taking the exile part entirely too seriously. The fourth clue sends them back to another island, and this whole thing is almost like a parlor game. They kept insisting they were close but how the fuck would they really know?

Back at the fans camp, Erik the ice cream scooper is petrified of going to TC. Mikey wants to split up the votes in the small chance that Kathy found the idol. His plan is pretty simple: the woman vote for Tracy, the guys for Chet, and the three older members will vote for whoever they vote for, but Chet should still go home because those four vote rules the day, and the three votes for the second person will at least ensure a tiebreaker for the member from the elder alliance play an idol. Joel plans on mixing things up because his brain hurts from Mikey’s “complexity”, which I guess means he’ll align with the older alliance? Not really sure what one person can do amongst ten that is all that beneficial to himself or the tribe in this situation.

Joel, Jason and everyone else want Mary home because she is Mikey’s closest ally. Not a terrible idea if they feel like Mikey is trying to make a power play. It keeps him in check and they still retain whatever challenge prowess he may have. There is no evidence he’s any more valuable in that regard than Mary, but who am I to judge? Kathy gets back and like everyone whose ever met her, loved Cirie. Joel immediately tells Kathy not to ask any questions, and just vote for Mary. It seems like he’s telling one too many people, but we cut to TC with that being the final plan laid. Mary also said she felt safe, which is never a good omen.

At TC, Probst makes it abundantly clear how annoying it is for everyone that Kathy stumbled into the senseless one time immunity idol. Mikey exalts his annoyance with Chet and he takes his inability to swim way too personally. Amazingly, two shelters have been built and they’re acting like there is a sense of unity amongst these seven. Jason warns Chet to be extremely nervous. Joel is a little too blunt for my taste, and the producers play some odd sound effect when he wraps up his tirade. They go to the vote, Mikey really diminishes Chet for one poor performance at a stupid fucking challenge. Alexis says, “I just went with the majority, I’m sorry”; but her vote is left unseen:
Chet
Chet
Tracy
Mary
Mary
Tracy
Mary
Mary
Mary
Oh! That has got to hurt. Joel cannot help but laugh which is pretty sinister considering how he just did a complete stranger. Have to love Probst’s summary of what transpired: “First tribal council, first blindside”. He might as well just urinate on her.

Anyway, so long Mary, we hardly knew ye, and very well might have been the best eye candy this show has seen since Michelle in Fiji. Honestly, I almost sympathize more for Mikey and the male viewers than for you.

Tonight: Cirie plays the hell out of that swing vote role, Joel plows over Yau Man and wraps up either Parvati or Amanda in a physical challenge while explaining to us, “If you come into my house, I will kill you”. I would say something disparaging and sarcastic about the lug, but I imagine he would be reading this in his house and I don’t want him to feel threatened. Plus, for whatever reason, my real name is on this page.

In her parting words, Mary is gracious in admitting she was totally shell shocked by her ouster, and is still rooting for her teammates. Now that, my friends, is an exit speech I am incapable of mocking.

Wire recap tomorrow.