Grid Effect

Let me just say that I actually enjoyed this episode. Maybe it’s because I was familiar with about seven of the contestants, or maybe since they had been their before, they were prematurely strategizing. Either way, relative to every other Survivor premieres, this one has me most anticipatory for the season.

Onto the recap…

We start with a Long, elaborate introduction, with Jeff narrating the circumstances in typically heavy-handed fashion. Several of the returning contestants quickly summarize their thoughts and/or approaches to the game. I’ve been watching this show since the tenth season, which is a long time. And I get the impression they’ve been doing almost identical introductions for sixteen seasons and counting now. We might be overdue for a new opening.

This seems like as good a time as any to tell everyone that this season takes place on some island called Micronesia. The location reminds me of Microcosmos, a fantastic documentary on insects, which I’d usually consider an oxymoron, but take my word for it, its fucking riveting.

Its a interesting contrast from the fans to the favorites, the former is absolutely ecstatic to be there, while the favorites look incredibly downtrodden, sans Jon and Ozzy, and have no motive for being there other than the monetary reward. For whatever reason, all the favorites get their own personal introduction. It’s not terribly surprising that Yau-Man gets the biggest reaction from all the fans, and Amanda probably gets the smallest. It seems worth noting that it is pouring rain and no one is even remotely flummoxed or even pouts about it.

Jeff sends them to some canoes to paddle to their new homes, but adds that there are also new idols on the island where the canoes are docked that they can play only at the first tribal council. Ozzy and the track star that looks like the flying tomato beat the rest of the pack and are unable to find them, and for whatever reason no one seems to recognize that its the misplaced item at the end of each canoe. Whatever. Fairplay is first to pick up on it, grabs the one from the wrong canoe, Yau-Man sees him, they seem to simultaneously recognize that he has the wrong idol, thus they race to the end of the other boat. Yau-Man snags it, Fairplay’s head smacks into the canoe, and he precedes to bitch about Yau tackling him. Which, it would be aggravating, but Yau would struggle to wrestle a kitty to the ground, much less another human being. Kathleen manages to pick up the fans idol when Yau points it out to her.

The fans (Airai tribe) arrives at their camp to several cheers. We discover Chet is gay, and their is much discourse with the Idol grabber Kathleen over whether or not everyone is comfortable with it. Tracy’s nipping out like a Pamela Anderson circa 1998 on a bad (or good) day, Kathleen draws everyone’s attention to this as well. Everyone immediately dislikes Kathleen for talking about the gays and pointing out said nipples. And it is unclear if she is so crazily abrasive because of the idol, or because she got the idol because she is so crazily abrasive. Only Yau can clear this up for us.

These people were on television last Thursday. Swear to God.

Back at the camp with the favorites, James is appreciative of the additional help, and with him and Ozzy leading the helm the rest of the camp doesn’t need to worry much at all. James is completely falling for Parvati’s overt flirtation. Amanda is hitting it off with Ozzy, between the two developing relationships, Eliza is really frantic, though seemingly not repulsed like the majority of us.

Naturally, the fans have a difficult time building the shelter, essentially they’re sitting under a bunch of plants and the old woman with the idol breaks down in tears. Out of nowhere, Eliza, Ami, Jonathan and Yau pull together an alliance on the favorites. Penner suggests bringing Fairplay into the mix, but it looks like Ozzy and Parvati get to her first for their supposed alliance of them two, James and Amanda. Jesus, that shit paired off quickly.

Fairplay goes to the other alliance and plays them like a fiddle, everyone seems aware of it but does it anyhow. Penner immediately wants to get rid of Parvati, so much for Cook Islands loyalty. Fairplay laughs about the gullibility of his tribes already developing alliances. They know what he’s up to but almost seem resigned to having to trust him. Production seems to be intentionally editing out Cirie in the hopes we’ll forget she exists and the suspense here will actually be warranted.

Malakal is the name of the favorites tribe, Yau attempts to burn coconut husk with his glasses and a drop of water, and it works. Naturally. Man, between him, James and Ozzy, what chance do the newcomers stand? They get some treemail and all the fans camera interview about how the favorites simply do not see them coming. Do people really see this as some sort of battle of wills? Isn’t it going to be a total coincidence who wins all these immunity challenges? Experience is only so important when you’re solving random puzzles and participating in contrived feats of strength.

At IC, and I can’t believe I’m watching this, but the favorites are actually smug. The challenge consists of assembling wheels out of some form of plastic, then placing them on a cart. The fans, predictably, get out to an enormous lead. The favs crash on an enormous tree root and Eliza comically yet dangerously flips off and over the front of the cart. The favorites actually manage to catch up at some digging course of the challenge where they are gathering planks. The fans assemble their bridge as the favs are assembling theirs. The fans then get their wheels off their cart and solve the final puzzle, get the roundabout going while the favorites are still assembling their final puzzle and start the fire first or whatever. It’s like Superbowl XLII all over again.

(We’re in commercials right now, but its good to see Tony Sirico parlaying that Paulie Walnuts role into something tangible, and avoiding all typecasting. Like a mobster ordering breakfast at Denny’s. But remember, he wanted to go to AC. Conflict of interests much…)

Malakal arrives back at camp depleted and discouraged. Penner chalks it up to the fans naive enthusiasm. They all have a giant group conversation in the water about it and someone asks Fairplay what he’s good for, he claims morale and entertainment. He starts weeping about his pending child and predictably no one is all that moved. Parvati’s career has been updated from boxer to “charity organizer”. Did she find some rich sucker’s money to donate? Parvati suggests Fairplay tells everyone he wants to be sent off but with the intention of staying, just to throw everyone off the scent. Ami is one of many who won’t buy this song and dance.

At TC, Fairplay suggests the only problem at the challenge was over confidence. Speaking of which…never mind. Eliza and Fairplay lament the reputations they’ve built, since there’s might be the most damaging. Fairplay talks endlessly about his unborn child, Penner is all the happier to vote him out regardless of whether he is lying or not. And that’s a good strategy. Coming into this I assumed they’d vote him out in spite of his intentions, the fact anyone was entertaining the idea of using him as leverage was somewhat baffling. Anyhow, Penner and Yau both vote for Fairplay with some sarcastic and sincere parting words. The votes read as such:
Fairplay
Fairplay
Fairplay
Fairplay
Fairplay
He grabs a hug from Jeff, Malakal is given a flint and so concludes the premiere of the franchise’s sixteenth season. Not terribly engaging, but more so than usual given the alumni involvement. Though we will say all of the fans are virtually unrecognizable still. Given the assortment of returning castaways, if the favorites continue to lose we assume they will receive the majority of the camera time.

In his parting words, Fairplay manages to sound gracious, if not remarkably conceited. We can’t say he’s wrong when he claims he had everyone eating out the palm of his hand. Just one move too many at TC, I guess. There is a really great parallel to my reaction to seeing Fairplay for the first time in the most recent On Demand Wire episode, but we’re not trying to spoil anyone.

Next week the fans begin to fall apart because they haven’t eaten anything in lord knows how long. Ozzy makes out with Amanda. She always did seem somewhat frisky, but the most likely suitors in China were either gay or a virgin, so it never came to fruition. Well, there was what’s his name (Adam?) but he got sent home early in that absurd tribal mix up. Anyhow, until next time…

Back tomorrow with a Wire recap.