Grid Effect

Here’s part three of our NBC executive series of an undetermined length. We’re kind of making this up as we write it, it’s like Lost in that regard. Except we’re not leaving the door open for any possible time travel.

Rich Cotton: Come on in, Dick. I have some good news for you.

Dick Ebersol: Are we getting the NBA back?

Cotton: Not only that, but we’re throwing out our hockey contract, and looking to expand NFL beyond the one Sunday night game.

Ebersol: (elated) Are you serious? Well, that’s great news!

Marc Graboff: That’s right, we’re finally going to get you out of the poker room.

Ebersol: Holy shit! You know, this couldn’t have come a moment too soon. If we’re being honest with each other…I had been rather depressed lately, and just when I thought nothing was going to swing my way, you guys announce that we’re finally going to get some actual leagues under contract.

(Everyone except for Zucker and Ebersol bursts into laughter after a short pause)

Ebersol: What’s so funny?

Cotton: (Attempts to contain laughter) I-, I-, I’m sorry, Dick. But we’re just yanking your chain. No, no, it’s back to the race track with you.

Ebersol: (Defeated) Oh….Well, is there anything you actually need, sir?

Cotton: Actually, yes. How well do you know Be-. Well, maybe I should let Mr. Zucker explain.

(Rich Cotton motions over to Jeff Zucker, who’s noticeably distracted and uneasy)

Michael Bass: (Breaking awkward silence) How familiar are you with Ben Silverman?

Ebersol: The Entertainment Chief? Uh, vaguely. We talked for a bit at the Heroes rap party. He seemed amiable enough. Why?

Cotton: We need you to…assist us with something.

Ebersol: Well, what exactly do you need assistance with? And how is Ben Silverman involved? And where is he if it’s so important?

Michael Bass: We just need you to hang out with him. Socially. On his terms. And let us know what happens.

Ebersol: (long dramatic pause) What is this?…You want to get rid of him…And you want me to be an accomplice? Well fuck that, Rich! I’m no fucking snitch.

Jeff Zucker: We have reason to believe that he has quite the affinity for…working girls.

Ebersol: You mean…

Cotton: Yes, that’s exactly what we mean. You have daughters, right, Dick. How would you feel, if one of your daughters was in these girls’ position and Mr. Silverman was taking advantage of it?

Ebersol: (Sternly) I’d be upset. To say the least.

Graboff: So, do something about it? You have a chance to improve this network from the inside out.

Ebersol (contemplating): Alright, its not like I have anything else to do.

Cotton: That’s the spirit.

Ebersol: This is all great in theory. But how do I actually put it into practice? I mean, Ben and I are barely on speaking terms. How do I approach him for anything unrelated to work?

Cotton: Well, it isn’t like the two of you hate each other. And it isn’t like you couldn’t pretend it’s related to work. First invite Costas out to Bellagio. Tell him they are comping you, and if they won’t then we’ll stake and anyone else who tags along. All expenses paid. Then you insist that Costas invite Silverman, as those two seem to get along decently. Tell Bob it’s work related and you have some marketing ideas you want to run by the two of them.

Ebersol: That might actually work…

Cotton: You take this recorder, and capture everything you can. Preferably anything that would be construed as incriminating.

Ebersol: Jesus. You’re a cold motherfucker.

Cotton: This is the job.

Ebersol: Of course.

Michael Bass: Do not, and I repeat, Do Not! Let Ben see this camera. It’s virtually microscopic, so the only way he should find it is if he starts tearing off your clothes.

Ebersol: I got it, I got it. But we have to let this happen naturally. I don’t want to put it into effect tonight, we might wait until the weekend.

Graboff: That’s actually a good idea. He walked out of here a little perturbed, Mr. Cotton. If he suddenly gets a call from Bob Costas inviting him out to Vegas to gamble, he might be a tad suspicious.

Cotton: Now you’re thinking, Ebersol. You’re right, we want to catch him with his guard down.

(Cotton notices Zucker, still feeling conflicted)

Cotton: Look, this is all progressing nicely. But I think we pretty much have everything figured out. Could you, uh, give us the room here, Dick.

Ebersol: Not a problem.

(Ebersol begins to leave)

Michael Bass: Oh, and Dick?

Ebersol: (Turns around) Yeah?

Michael Bass: Lets keep this amongst ourselves. No spousal interference, alright?

Ebersol: Sure, Michael. Whatever you say.

Cotton: What’s the problem, boss? Still feeling torn.

Zucker: No, not torn. But definitely amoral. Wasn’t Ben supposed to be a prodigy? And now were trying using entrapment to show him his walking papers.

Michael Bass: Jeff, it’s really for the best. We need new blood in here, preferably someone who will take the job seriously.

Lynn Calpeter: Yeah, I’m inclined to agree, Mr Zucker. Our budget is like a sinking black hole right now. If this keeps up for another year or so, we could end up in the negative. I mean, some of the costs of these shows: FNL, Heroes, Chuck…and now Alec Baldwin wants his contract renewed? That hard-headed prick isn’t going to come cheap, I can guarantee you that.

Graboff: Besides, it was your idea in the first place…

Zucker: Look, I’m not canceling anything. I’m just saying, with the nature of this business, it sometimes takes its toll on you. We’ve been struggling in the ratings department before Ben was here. I guess, I guess I just thought things would turn out differently, that’s all.

CUT TO THE FOLLOWING FRIDAY MORNING

Ebersol: (On the phone) Hey, Bob! How are things looking for us in China…

Part four tomorrow.