Grid Effect

I know American Idol premiered last night and I’m sure it was vastly different then the last 3,000 times Simon Cowell incessantly mocked some misguided teenager from following his/her pipe dream, and I am sure it was even more hilarious than all those other times combined. Oh, that Simon Cowell. What a rapscallion.

But a bit of a sidebar from last night’s TV viewing irrelevant to what everyone watched (Spoilers For NIp Tuck): Though I did vow to quit recapping Nip Tuck for the foreseeable future, we did tune in last night because what the fuck else do I have to do? And Christian fucked Liz because…I still haven’t figured that out yet. Because she’s a sworn lesbian and they have historically disliked each other. Anyhow, that means every permanent fixture on the show has had their genitals make contact with the genitals of another permanent fixture. All that’s left now is for retribution for Sean and Christian fucking Matt’s ex-wife, Matt has to fuck Sean’s. I know they’ve never quite crossed the line into full blown incest, but they’ve been teetering on the brink for about three or four seasons now. If they want to continue to shock me with their behavior I’m afraid this is the next logical step to take. Now you know why we’re no longer recapping the series.

I take it back, Kelly. I take it back!

Also: Christian has breast cancer and is getting robbed by hookers off Craigslist, Sean is pretending to be wheelchair bound so people will pay attention to him and Julia can’t remember shit about her personal history after being shot in the head, so Sean convinced her they were still married until their son proved to be a beacon of enlightenment, but she seems A-OK with it. “Yeah, you tried to take advantage of me in an incredibly physically and emotionally vulnerable state, but I guess you had your reasons”.

Actually, this is why we stopped watching this series (in addition to Kelly Carlson being a terrible actress, as we noticed when she finally did a scene fully clothed last night and we were able to notice): Because I can all but guarantee that Sean and Matt will have some bare knuckled verbal brawl over Matt telling Julia the truth about their non-marriage, and it will be sprung from out of nowhere. But the show will present it as something that’s been eating away at Sean for X amount of time, even though they’ve never indicated as much in the past.

Anyhow, for the sake of keeping our word, we’re going to switch topics.

James Gandolfini has taken a role on Broadway for a play entitled “God of Carnage”. I have no idea what it’s about but Gandolfini has stated on numerous occasions that mainstream storytelling should be geared more towards the plight of the working class, so I’d expect something along those lines. Like a Wire season two plot without the drugs or gang interference or police intervention. In other words, basically nothing like the second season of The Wire.

This woman from the Boston Herald asks if reality television is getting too soft. Uh, wait, what? Well, I guess it depends on which reality series you’re watching, but I assume everything on VH1, MTV & E! still has the moral compass of a starving wild boar. Perhaps this might be true for some reality television on the broadcast networks or cable networks that gear more towards a family audience; but I can speak for Survivor — in which the most recent episode featured a sociopath mocking a fellow contestant for grieving over her deceased father — when I say this is undoubtedly not the case. So maybe it now strives to reach a wider audience and as far as I know no one’s been murdered on a studio set. But worrying about reality television going too soft is like worrying about a shortage of alcohol on a college campus: Neither is really going to ever happen.

And finally, in the great tradition of networks scaling back to fit their budget and increase their profit margin: ABC is contemplating resurrecting Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Since its been on the air since it debuted, I assume that means bringing it back to prime time and justifying doing so by bringing in a host people can stand. If you’re Meredith Viera and hear this, what exactly are you thinking? Knowing that ABC has to replace you just to move the show into a more desirable hour, and all you really do is ask a stranger inane trivia questions? Do you just accept it or are you still preoccupied with the rat race and hoping for a promotion? Considering she’s already a millionaire I really hope that’s the case.

Probably it for today unless something strikes our fancy.