Grid Effect

We still have a myriad of viewing options but none of them all that desirable, which seems more depressing than if there was literally nothing on at all. At least if every network blacked out, then there would be an excuse for why we have nothing to watch other than everything on television is D-rate garbage. As if to illustrate our point, here’s a short preview of what’s on tap for your network viewing on this, the night of February 20, 2008.

Side note: Little has changed since the last Wednesday we did this, our apologies.

NBC

8pm: Deal or No Deal
With the way contestants on this show let their idiot friends and family members influence their poor decisions, I think these are simply Moment of Truth contestants waiting to happen.

9-11pm: Law and Order
It’s two different franchises for the two episodes, but other than the faces you’re staring at, does it really matter which is which?

ABC

8pm: Wife Swap
True story: In this episode, one of the kids sets her parents house on fire and is sentenced to prison until she is twenty-one. Her mother, who wasn’t present at the time of the incident, goes after her now estranged husband and the swapped wife with a machete during the meeting stage of the show…only to be mowed down in a hail of bullets by one of the producers, who finds he has to do this all too frequently and voluntarily pulls his reality series off the air, and subsequently leads an altruistic existence from that point on. Pondering his life’s decisions to force feed the American public something so contrived and exploitive.

9pm: Supernanny
Similar story to Wife Swap, except with a nanny instead of a surrogate reality mom.

10pm: Cashmere Mafia
I know these series’ are mindless entertainment, but Christ do they piss me off. Sex and The City managed to make women who already thrived on shallowness and materialism even more shallow and materialistic. And now it’s being replicated. I mean, just look at that fucking title. At least these series’ middling ratings indicate premature cancellations (that’s the closest thing to a Tobias Fumke-ism I think I’ve ever written), meaning neither this nor “Lipstick Jungle” were in the top twenty last week.

FOX

8-10pm: American Idol
Clearly this whole fad is going to blow over soon.

CBS

8pm: Big Brother 9
I know what this show is. Like, a gaggle of random people live in a house together while cameras catch watch their every move or whatever, but what’s the objective for the people on it? Are they competing for something? The only snippet I’ve seen was from the Extras finale, and they had to randomly participate in degrading acts like pass a large plastic dinosaur egg from one person to the next using only their legs. Or something. Either way it looks like utter tripe and we’re not watching it, just mildly curious.

Ahh yes, the insincere hug. A staple of trash reality television.

9pm: Criminal Minds
It’s a good thing CBS picked up Dexter reruns. Obviously they’re not hosting enough formulaic police procedurals.

10pm: CSI: NY
If I was forced to choose between this and its lead-in, since either choice is on a purely superficial level I’m probably going with CSI, strictly because they seem to have a more attractive female cast. It’s a shame I can’t think of another reason to tune in, see what all the fuss is about; because a couple pretty faces isn’t getting it done.

Besides, even if there were a valid motive we’d still avoid it like the plague. If you want to watch something decent on television tonight, Jon Stewart is on Larry King tonight from 9-10pm est. with a rerun at midnight; and Shaq makes his debut with the Suns against — and I can’t think of a more fitting return — the Lakers.

A great night of television, just nothing scripted is all.