Grid Effect

We feel like the links are getting rather stale around here so we’re opting to liven things up…with a nightly preview? Huzzah! Not that we’re going to watch any of this shit with college football kicking off tonight. Who needs ABC reruns when I have Vanderbilt-Miami (OH)? That is some grade A irrelevant football (unless you have money on it).

NBC

8-11pm: Preseason Football: Jacksonville Jaguars @ Washington Redskins

This is the type of football game that dreams are made of if you’ve been to Vietnam or have some other traumatic experience that would wake you up in the middle of the night. Its the fourth preseason game of the season for both teams I am assuming, so enjoy watching Colt Brennan go head-to-head with Cleo Lemon…I fucking hate you, Redskins fans.

ABC

8pm: Ugly Betty

A synopsis on the website reads: “An increasingly delusional Renee (guest star Gabrielle Union) becomes convinced that Betty is in love with Daniel and therefore is her rival for his affections.” With all due respect to America Ferrara, I’m fairly certain Gabrielle Union is comfortable with her significant others hanging out with any woman, much less the Ugly Betty star. Or maybe I just don’t know anything about women and this actually makes sense. Or maybe this is all fiction and I shouldn’t really care.

Here's the evidence. My apologies for alienating female readers. Again.

9pm: Grey’s Anatomy

Speaking of chauvinism, the only way I am ever watching this series is if they move it to Cinemax. Otherwise, they’re just going to have to settle for everyone else in the country. Anyhow, I think tonight’s episode is about the moral dilemma between which operation takes priority: a homeless man with a potentially fatal gunshot wound or a really, really cute puppy that desperately needs spayed. The debate between you and your girlfriend should last until the wee hours of the morning.

10pm: “Vote ‘08″

I put it in quotations because the title sounds too simple to not be sarcastic. My guess is Obama is speaking tonight? I’d be lying if I said I knew. But from what we’ve seen from the convention so far, I can assure you that at least 40% of the people in the Pepsi Center will be in tears regardless of who is on stage. They could put the Michelin Man up there and people would be bawling uncontrollably. Also, it’s nice to see that the 4th quarter of a Preseason football game takes precedent over historical moments in politics for NBC.

FOX

8-10pm: Moment of Truth

We always love previewing FOX in the summer because it is usually two hours of one special before local news airs, and tonight is no exception. Nice, two full hours of dramatic pauses and commercial breaks. I can hardly contain myself! In case you have forgotten, Moment of Truth is the show where they put you on a lie detector and ask you really invasive questions about your personal life. It reached critical outrage/acclaim (depending on the moral compass of whoever you are talking too) when one woman wrecked her marriage by confessions of adultery, then later lost all the money she had “earned” when lying about something later in the game. Obviously she was too good for this show. FOX, it appears, deems this worthy of a two hour stint, supposedly they aren’t going to be happy until someone murders everyone in the studio.

CBS

8pm: Big Brother 10

We’ve made our feelings on this clear and it is just riveting television. In tonight’s episode, they make the cast run through Times Square naked before forcing them to rape a tourist. It’s reprehensible, but “their not there to make friends.” That’s right, this is serious business, Big Brother.

9pm: CSI: Criminal Scene Investigation

Can anyone think of any other title that is an acronym, when what the acronym stands for is actually spelled out in the title? I’m sure there are many and posing the question will make me look like an idiot, but this sort of typifies everything I hate about this series, and every Law & Order wannabe on CBS. That, and the dialogue, the direction, the pacing, the acting, etc. You know in the entire series a cop only used his firearm twice on The Wire. Both times it was Prez, once was an accidental discharge in office, the other time he shot an undercover cop. I guess I’m being unfair when I hold CSI: Criminal Scene Investigation to the same standard.

10pm: CBS News: DNC

Now that titling is a little more specific. If I watch any coverage from the DNC tonight, it will definitely be on CBS. You decide, America!

There are your options, if your not a political junkie or a fan of the Redskins or Jaguars, we recommend seeing Dark Knight again or reading a book of some sort.

Maybe back later with a Survivor preview, which we’ll get to eventually if not later today.